Chapter Text
“But he’s so tall! And he’s not just cute because he’s tall. He’s actually handsome.” Tessa followed her around the office holding her cell phone in both hands.
She looked back, exasperated from her friend’s constant stream of begging today. Tessa was just trying to be the wonderfully generous friend she was, but Lara Jean was in no mood to get set up with someone just because he was genetically predisposed to have long legs. There was no way in hell she felt ready. LJ had just come out of the worst break up of her life. It wasn’t spiteful or cruel. It was long and drawn out, neither one of them wanting to admit where their relationship was heading. Break ups are so much easier when you can hate the person for some slight or wrong doing. “Tess, I just got out of a relationship. You’re so kind, so lovely for you to think of me, but I’m just not ready.” She tried to let her down with kid gloves as they entered their shared office.
“You know what they say. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” She shimmied her shoulders. Lara Jean couldn’t help letting out a silent laugh. Her coworker Tessa was persistent if nothing else. It’s what made her great at her job, but annoying as hell when you were on the receiving end. “Lara Jean, he works with my boyfriend Ryan and I think you two would really get along. In addition to being very tall and very handsome, he’s charming and super nice. He was the one who organized a gift for their other co-worker who was going on maternity leave. Remember I showed you that pictures of the lion & the bouquet.” She raised her eyebrows thinking that would push her over the edge. She did have a weakness for men who were good with kids, but she stood her ground.
“He sounds great. I’m just not ready to date.” She took in a heavy breath and pulled back her messy bob into a low pony tail, like she always did when it was time to work. Lara Jean did what anyone with a soul does after a break-up. Cut her hair. A change in relationship status meant a change in look. Her locks used to stretch down her back, feeling girly and sweet. But after the breakup with John, she wanted to be anything but.
“It’s just one drink.” She urged. “Pretty please. Do it for me and I’ll put in your billable hours for two weeks.”
She knew her partner hated paperwork with every ounce of her body. She couldn’t pass that deal up. Partly because Tessa was her closest friend at work and partly because she knew I needed to get out there sooner than later, Lara Jean Covey closed her eyes and agreed. “One drink.” At least the begging would stop, finally allowing her to get some peace.
“YAY!” She clapped like a seal at the aquarium. “I’ll give him your number.” She typed furiously. “You’re gonna thank me for this one day.”
“I somehow doubt that.” She didn’t even look up from the mood board I was putting together on my desk. Golds and teals, stamped concrete tiles and buttery leather laid on the desk in front of her. Something was missing. The thing to tie it all together. If only she could put her finger on it.
“It’s gonna be great! I’m so excited! I’m going to go get some candy from the kitchen.” There was a new pep to her step when she exited their small office. “Pull the white terrazzo you used on the Simmons Project.”
She picked it from the sample wall. Tessa was right. She always was. It would be annoying if it wasn’t so helpful. She plopped down in her white leather office chair as her mind started to race. Regret instantly filled her bones. She can’t believe she just agreed to a date.
After the rip your heart out of your chest breakup, all walls around her heart went sky high. She thought he was the one. She was vulnerable. She laid it all on the line. But he didn’t want her. She was broken and any time she had spent putting herself back together felt meaningless with the process she’d made. She still missed him. She missed the person she was with him. She missed feeling important and special. She missed feeling in love.
Lara Jean knew she was not ready to date. Even if he was the most interesting, best looking, funniest, charming man in the world, it would be too soon. She was a relationship person. She never really casually dated. A boyfriend before John told her that she was a girlfriend type only. That casual hook ups would never work for her. She should have been insulted, but oddly, she agreed. And right now, she was nowhere ready to be someone’s girlfriend.
Maybe he would never actually text her. Maybe she could pretend it was a wrong number, send the guy a picture of her grandma and say she’ll alert the authorities.
She sighed, knowing she would go through with this for Tess, her business partner and one of her closest friends. She had covered her ass on so many occasions. If it meant so much to her, Lara Jean could muster up the will to go for one drink.
She thought to herself: I will go on the date, tell Tess I had a fine time, but there wasn’t a spark. Date accomplished. Case closed. Never to be bothered again as my friend duties were complete.
“One drink.” She whispered to herself. “One drink.”
The bar was pretty empty for a Friday night. Usually this bar, with its vintage posters & bartenders with suspenders, would be filled with twenty somethings wanting to get the weekend off to a bang. But it seems like half of the city was elsewhere tonight. She found a small table near the entrance and waited for him. She rushed here from work, thinking she would be late, but it looks like he’s running even later. He texted saying he was on his way. Peter.
His name was all she knew about him. Suddenly that seemed very concerning. They had sent approximately 10 messages to each other. Not enough to really even get a sense of him. Holy shit, why did she agree to this again? What did his face look like? Would she just have to go with it if some stranger randomly came up to her? Shit. Why didn’t she think this through more?
LJ agreed to do this on a whim earlier this week. He texted hi. She texted hi. He asked her out and she said yes to make Tessa happy. She didn’t put enough thought into it. She didn’t Google or internet stalk. Every sane woman in the world makes sure they internet stalk before a date. Why Lara Jean? Why didn’t you? She knew he was Tessa and Ryan’s friend, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t also be a murder.
She guess late is better than ever. She typed furiously on her phone when a voice caught her attention. “Lara Jean?”
She slowly looked up, trying to smile even though she had no idea if this was him. “Yes.” She tried to act cool to the handsome man in front of her.
“I’m Peter.” His smile was bright with way better skin than any man should have. His hair was on the edge of curly and wavy with a million brown tones fighting for dominance. He was just as tall and hot as Tessa told her.
“Yeah.” She held in a laugh, adjusting her leather jacket to give my racing mind something else to focus on. This was the guy?!
“You look great.” He helped himself onto the stool across from her. His joyous demeaner felt foreign living in the big city. He pushed up the sleeves of his flannel shirt and examined the face across from him. Oddly it didn’t feel weird. “I know we probably should have asked more questions over text, but I’m more of an in person kinda guy.”
She continued to look at him with a mix of confusion and contempt. His face was too familiar for her not to know him from somewhere in her memories. If only she could pull it out from the depths of her mind. Did she do a project with him? High School? College? That felt like it might be it, but it was still fuzzy. At least he didn't give off murderer vibes.
Peter popped his tongue. “So how do you know Ryan and Tess?”
“From work.” She cocked her head. “But we’ve met. I know who you are. Peter….something with a K.” It was like she could see it written across a shirt in her mind as she tried to put the puzzle together.
“Kavinsky.” He said apprehensively.
“That’s it!” She leaned back. “You went to State. You played lacrosse and I thought you were such a dick.” Memories of her trying to fit in at frat parties filled her brain.
“You went there too?” He perked up. She nodded, feeling self-satisfied that I pulled it out of her ass. “Well, I’m not a dick. At least not anymore. I have it on good authority.” He smiled. He had a good smile. The kind that felt like a spotlight only on you. “What program were you in? I don’t know how I don’t know you.”
“Interior Design.” She began to play with her hands. “I work with Tess at Finishing Touches. You were probably too busy being the popular jock guy to notice the weird art kids sitting in the corner of your super bro frat parties.”
“Are you sure you were there?” He leaned forward. His commanding body suddenly made the space seem smaller. He was both imposing and comforting. She tried to stop the tiny pinch my heart was feeling.
“Positive. I had to throw away so many pairs of shoes from all the sticky stuff on the floor.”
He raised one eyebrow and leaned back. “If you say so, I guess you must have been there. I just think I would have remembered someone like you.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Please don’t say something extra cringy right now. You seem like the kind of guy who would say something corny to make all the girls fall in love with you.”
“I’ve been told my corny jokes are delightful. But whatever, your choice.” His smirk beamed at her and she rolled her eyes. “It’s not fair if you know all this stuff about me and I know nothing about you. Can I propose a fresh start? No preconceived notions about my jock days and my similarity or lack thereof to any and all phallic symbols.”
An uncontrollable laugh sprung from the bottom of her belly, making him laugh too. She felt oddly comfortable with the former jock. The person she assumed was too cool to even look her way was making her feel more relaxed with a stranger than she had ever experienced. Something she never thought possible in her shy high school and college days. Tessa was right about the charming part. It felt like it was seeping out through his skin.
“So is that a yes for a fresh start?” He leaned his arms on the table. His muscles were big, maybe almost the size of her leg. She sucked in a sharp breath. Was she actually that attracted to him that his arm was making her feel things?
“Sure.” She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to hide how much his energy was making me smile.
“Were you there when there was a bunch of cows just walking through campus?” Peter’s hands wrapped around his drink as the conversation continued.
“Yes. And there were people trying to rescue them but a brown one just laid down in the middle of the quad.”
“They destroyed our practice field for a good week after they used it as their spot to wrangle them. They shit so much that they had to tear all the grass up because it stunk so bad.”
“How moo-ving.” She sneered. She could do corny jokes too.
He sucked in a snort, giving Lara Jean time to examine every feature. His almond eyes were green in an almost striking way. Not in a shiny way, but strong and powerful. His neck was thick, brimming with muscles. She imagined his whole body was like that from the way his dark blue flannel fit around his upper arms. He must work out a lot, maybe every day.
The date had been going surprisingly well. They talked about college and weird stories from the city. It was odd they had never talked before. Not at a party or at a school thing. They went to a college with less than three thousand people. Everyone kind of just knew everyone else.
But, they got along better than she could have expected. Part of Lara Jean wished she could meet him in another time, when she wasn’t still feeling shitty about her break up on the daily. When she was ready for something. He seemed to be the type that was worth it. But timing has never really been on her side.
“So how’s it going so far? The date that is. Am I the asshole you thought I would be?” He leaned forward. She could smell him now, like oranges and wood shavings.
“I haven’t decided yet.” Her hands played with the coaster her drink sat on top of. It was spring and the weather was too nice for this jacket, but she wore it as a shield, as her protection.
The corner of his mouth pulled into a dangerous smirk. “That’s not a yes.” He laughed. “Can I ask you a deep question?” She shrugged and he continued. “What gives you purpose? Like honestly, what are the things that get you up in the morning. Is it work and success or family or friends. What do you think you are on this Earth to do?”
“I didn’t think you meant that deep.” Her eyebrows went up as she felt herself go into my body. “I… don’t know.”
“Don’t know or don’t want to tell me?” His smirk hung on his lips.
“Both maybe?” She honestly didn’t know. That question felt intimate in a way that scared her.
“Fair enough. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. Sorry if I did.” He gave her a small reassuring smile. She instantly let it go. His words felt so genuine that she fully believed him. “I think I’ll get your answer eventually.”
LJ scoffed playfully. “Eventually, huh?”
“I have a feeling.” He smirked back. That fucking smirk. It made her heart squeeze and stomach flip when it was sent in her direction. If his smile was a spotlight, his smirk was a laser, destroying her from within.
“Are you always this cocky? Did playing sports growing up ruin you that much?” She jabbed back trying to get the attention away from the eventually.
“I’m confident when I know I’m right.” He took a relaxed sip of his drink.
She wanted to think he was a jerk, narrowing her eyes in his direction. But he stared right back. His face so assured and calm. She couldn’t help but like that about him. The more they talked, the more she liked him. But, she hated it and the giant ball of anxiety it built in her chest.
He started to tell a story about a coffee shop he liked around the block, but Lara Jean was only half-listening. She was entranced by the man sitting in front of her. She didn’t know she could feel that way anymore. The curl that would fall onto his forehead and the way he casually pushed it back. His strong Adam’s apple that bobbed when he laughed. The way he could sound excited when talking about anything and the way he really listened when you told a story. They were things she wasn’t even sure she knew she was attracted to. But she was. At least with him.
She just liked him. And even more than that, she missed the feeling of liking someone. She missed the feeling of butterflies you get when you have a crush, the same way you did in the 4th grade. It was like the feeling of glowing bliss after a good facial. The spark in your heart that flies when you meet someone who matches you in that unexplainable way. It was the best feeling in the world, but she couldn’t be in it. Not fully right now. And that was the hardest part.
“Have enough information to make your decision?” Peter asked, hands in his pockets as they stepped out of the bar.
“On what?” She looked back at him. Her cheeks instantly a few shades rosier when the breeze hit.
“How the date went?” He said like it was so obvious.
“Oh, yeah. I had a nice time.” She wasn’t lying but knew it would be mean to go on another date with him if it wasn’t going to be a thing.
“Nice?” He said with a smirk. “Not great, we talked for two hours straight. We laughed and joked and I never felt so alive?” He let out a small laugh. “I, Lara Jean, was so wrong about you being a dick and I apologize for judging you. Please say you’ll go out with me again.” His impersonation of her would have been insulting if he wasn’t so charming.
“Don’t get too ahead of yourself.” She came into this as a one-time thing. She wasn’t ready to date, even if he was her dream man. And Peter wasn’t her dream, but he sure was lovely. She had a weird respect, more like admiration for him and didn’t feel right dragging him around if she couldn’t give him what a man like that deserved.
“But I would like to see you again.” He looked sheepish for the first time tonight. Gosh, that was cute too.
“Maybe.” She shrugged, taking a few steps towards her street. She knew a second date was not in the cards but she couldn’t reject him like that. He had been too nice and she didn’t know how to explain that she just wasn’t in the right place. A simple ghosting would save them both the agony.
“I’ll text you.” He yelled while she was still in earshot.
“We’ll see.” She yelled back before turning in her direction and not looking back.