Chapter Text
Eddie had no chance with Richie.
At least, that’s what he’d always told himself. For as long as he’d liked Richie, he’d convinced himself that there was simply no way in hell that his feelings could be returned. He’d always known he wasn’t quite like the other kids because of his disinterest in girls, but it wasn’t until one day, at the end of their fourteenth summer on earth, that he realized, Oh, shit. I’m fucking gay.
It had just been the two of them that day, laying outside by the quarry reading their comic books and listening to one of Richie’s mixtapes. They had both sat up as Richie told some story. Eddie couldn’t even remember exactly what it was about—something to do with him pranking Stan by making rare bird noises outside his window. It had sent them into a fit of laughter, when suddenly, Richie stopped laughing. His eyes zeroed in on Eddie’s face, smiling softly. “You have an eyelash on your cheek,” he said. And before Eddie could even react, Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, brushing a finger along his skin to capture the eyelash. He brought the finger close to his mouth, closing his eyes and blowing the lash away. “Careful, Eds,” he said playfully, “if you don’t keep better track of your own eyelashes, I’ll steal all your wishes.”
He was speechless, sitting there like a dumbass as he stared at Richie in a way he never had before. He saw the way his eyes glinted in the sunlight and how soft everything seemed—his face, his hair, his skin, his lips. Something in that moment shifted for him, because now all he could think was, I wish you would kiss me.
It wasn’t even really the fact that he was gay that sent him into a full on crisis, it was the fact that it was Richie of all people.
You just had to go and get a crush on your best friend, huh? Nice going, dumbass, he thought to himself. Richie, who was loud and obnoxious, who teased him non-stop, who made inappropriate jokes about fucking his mother, who ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek just to annoy him, who called him Eddie Spaghetti.
He fucking liked Richie Tozier.
In almost the same moment that Eddie realized his feelings, he decided that no one could know. It was dangerous. Richie was his best friend, and you weren’t supposed to get feelings for your best friend, especially if you’re both boys. He didn’t know what he would do if Richie found out and looked at him in disgust and pushed his friendship away. He couldn’t handle that. And if the other losers found out, it could ruin their group, completely splitting them up. It would be his fault because of his stupid feelings. People weren’t supposed to like their friends, and certainly not friends that every single one of their other friends were also friends with. There was a rule for that, right?
So no, no one could find out. This was a secret that would live and die with him, even if it meant being slowly eaten away until he withered down to bones.
That was, until Bill and Bev started dating.
It happened during lunch, on their first day back from summer break as they stepped into their junior year and Eddie had been sitting on his feelings for a little over two years, when the two lovebirds broke the news. Jaws were on the ground. None of them had ever seriously talked about dating people before, and now two members of their own group were together. It severed every wire capable of cognitive ability in Eddie’s head.
“You can do that?” Oh, he didn’t mean to ask that out loud.
Bev chuckled, smiling at him. “Well, yes. You can, and we are.” She turned to Bill, placing a small kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush.
“Why you asking, Eds?” Richie leaned forward on the opposite side of the table, a smirk dancing across his face. “Got your eye on someone?” He bounced his eyebrows suggestively. “You like Mike? Or perhaps Stan the Man?”
You fucking idiot, he thought. Eddie gave him one of his signature scowls, the one he reserved just for Richie. It said, ‘I’m pretending to be very annoyed by you when in actuality nothing you say could annoy me because I’m so embarrassingly enamored by you.’ He hoped Richie only picked up on the annoyed part. “Fuck off, Richie.”
That was, apparently, the wrong thing to say because Richie only smirked more, saying, “Well, that just so happens to be my favorite activity. How’d you know?”
“I was actually kinda thinking the same thing,” Mike chimed in, saving Eddie. “Wasn’t it a bit nerve-wracking confessing when you knew it would be awkward if it didn’t go well?”
Bill shrugged. “It d-definitely was, but I think both of us are j-just too forward to c-care.”
Eddie knew he shouldn’t ask—it might seem too suspicious—but he couldn’t help his curiosity. “You weren’t worried how it might affect the group?”
Bev tilted her head at him, smiling like before, like she knew something. “You can’t choose who you like. And it would be a shame to let an opportunity for love go by because of fear.”
Now that felt a little pointed, and pointed straight at Eddie, if you asked him. What did she know? How could she possibly know?
“Ughhh,” Richie groaned. “Are you guys going to be all mushy now?”
“You know, it’s not so bad, Rich,” Bev said. “You can join in the mush; it’s okay.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “You mean like a threesome?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, that’s exactly what I meant.”
He sighed. “Sorry, no can do. I don’t do girls.”
Eddie perked up at that, glancing over at Richie. Is he saying what I think he’s saying?
“I only do women,” he continued. “And more specifically, a certain woman that goes by the name of Sonia Kaspbrak.” He started laughing, unable to handle his own joke.
Eddie feigned another scowl, masking the disappointment happening inside. This was what made it impossible for Eddie to decipher Richie’s true thoughts. He would say things like suggesting a threesome with a guy involved, which seemed a little gay, but then would make jokes about fucking women, which usually happened to be Eddie’s mom, which was something he’d never understand. But that was Richie—always joking. Even though Eddie’s known him for years, attuned to his every move and word, it was hard to tell what the joke was hiding.
Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about Bill and Bev all day. If they could date within the group, why couldn’t he? But he knew why; he knew why it was different for him. Being able to date Richie would not only require Richie to like guys, it would require him to like Eddie.