Chapter Text
Now, you’ll be the first to admit that you aren’t a morning person. You think that’s not so unreasonable, given that a good sixty percent of trolls living on Earth still aren’t diurnal. Compared to them, you’re doing great with the whole “functioning in the morning” thing, even if you do need coffee before your frontal lobe actually kicks in.
But right now, you’re pretty sure the reason you’re stopped in your tracks has nothing to do with not being a morning person. The caffeine addiction might be fuzzing over your higher functions, but you seriously doubt there’s a set plan in your brain for “old highschool classmate is standing in the kitchen and eating your cereal at 7:30 in the goddamn morning”.
Unless that classmate is Rose Lalonde. But then, she hasn’t proven to be much of a cereal person thus far. Also, despite this person looking a lot like Rose, it does not take you long to figure out that the cereal thief is not, in fact, your moirail’s girlfriend. You’ve never seen Rose wear sunglasses indoors, and her hair’s a bit longer. What really throws your poor, caffeine-deprived brain for a loop is that this person is wearing a sweatshirt you’ve seen Rose in before. It’s maroon with thumb holes at the end of the sleeves, and while it looked strange on Rose, it looks natural on this person. This person who you recognize, even though you kind of don’t want to.
Fuck. You are way too tired to be thinking right now. No more thoughts. You have no plan. Whatever comes out of your mouth is not your problem.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
Your voice is scratchy, though not all that loud, considering those are the first words you’ve said today. Dave Motherfucking Strider still jumps at the sound, apparently startled by the appearance of one of the actual residents of the apartment. He looks at you, cereal bowl in hand, spoon still in his mouth.
For a period you refuse to quantify in terms of “time” when you have not yet imbibed the most precious of elixirs (i.e. halfway decent coffee), the two of you just stare at each other. He takes the spoon out of his mouth, presumably to say something, though it’s anyone’s guess what Dave Motherfucking Strider would say to you at 7:30 in the goddamn morning after you caught him eating your cereal.
You are either saved or deprived from hearing whatever the fuck he was going to say when the door to Kanaya’s door opens and Rose steps out. Well, you suppose it’s Kanaya and Rose’s door now, since she’s in the process of moving in (while you are, ostensibly, in the process of moving out). Rose looks between you and Dave Motherfucking Strider, seeming totally unsurprised.
“Oh good, you two have met.” Rose says tiredly, pushing her way toward the coffee machine. “Karkat, do you want any?”
“Fucking of course I do.” You sit down at a stool across the kitchen counter from known cereal thief, Dave Motherfucking Strider. “Also, yeah Lalonde, of course we met. We met in goddamn high school, as you well know. Not that knowing Dave Motherfucking Strider’s name helps explain why I woke up to see my cereal being thoughtlessly consumed.”
“I’m sure I mentioned him coming by.” Rose does not look away from the coffee machine, possibly because she’s hiding her expression. Her tone is too casual to be sincere. “We have a few things to discuss.”
“Oh, well if you’re going to discuss things. How comfortingly vague! Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease.” Your grumbling does not make Rose turn around. Though, given she is focusing on making coffee, you’re willing to let that slide.
You swear she’s making the motion of scooping coffee into the filter pointed. “Things such as the location of my beaded sweater.”
“Oh my god, are you fucking for real.” Dave smacks his cereal bowl down on the counter and turns to glare at Rose. Or, you assume he’s glaring. His body language is very glare-esque, but with those shades, you can’t be sure. “Are you still on about the sweater? I’ve had it for like, five years, at this point it’s just mine.”
“Failing to return my sweater for half a decade doesn’t make it yours. I still expect to get it back one of these days, freshly laundered.”
“I let you borrow it for your first date with Kanaya! Doesn’t that count for something?”
The door to Kanaya and Rose’s room opens again, and this time, your moirail comes out to join in the fun. Her hair is still a bit mussed and she’s in her plush robe, and when she sees that there’s someone in the apartment who isn’t you or Rose, she freezes up a bit.
“Um,” She starts to say, then stops when you pull out the stool next to yours at the counter. She shuffles over to sit down next to you, carefully arranging her robe as she does so. Rose and Dave have not stopped arguing the entire time.
“You’ve never even worn it anywhere. What’s the point of having a sweater that nice if you’re just sitting in your apartment making shitty jpeg comics in it?”
“Maybe I want to feel pretty, Rose, ever think about that?”
You lean over to Kanaya. “Rose is making coffee, so don’t worry about that.”
“Wonderful.” She murmurs back. “Do you know when he got in?”
“No idea, I came out here like ten minutes ago and he was just standing there eating my cereal.”
Kanaya sighs and nods, like she’s not surprised. The coffee maker starts gurgling, signaling to Rose that hey, maybe she should turn it off since it’s out of water and won’t just keep making wake-up juice while she’s arguing with her brother, wonderful though that would be. You hope that Rose picks up on the signal because you really don’t feel like getting up, especially if you’ll have to maneuver between them.
“Fine, don’t return the sweater, but at least move over so I can finish making coffee. I think you and I have disturbed the actual residents of this apartment more than enough for how early it is.” Rose pushes past Dave and pulls three mugs out of the cabinet, and you sigh heavily in relief.
“Hear, hear,” You mutter. “Also hey, real quick, and feel free not to answer until I’ve actually had my coffee, but why the fuck are you even here? Not that the sweater thing was a totally obvious decoy subject change or anything.”
You direct the question in the general direction of Dave, but you’re also letting your head smack down onto the counter because being awake after all that drama is exhausting.
“Uh...”
Is the entire response you get from him. As you are still without coffee, this is fine. Monosyllabic answers are all you are prepared to handle at the moment. In 20 minutes, once the coffee really starts hitting you and you begin your transformation into ‘Karkat Vantas, Real And Semi-Functional Adult Troll,’ he’d better be prepared with more than that.
“Don’t worry about it.” Rose interjects, sliding coffee mugs to you and Kanaya. You accept her peace offering and mull over her words.
“And if I want to worry about it and you can’t fucking stop me, especially with absolutely no reason to back it up?” You challenge, after tasting her coffee. She remembered how you like it, which means there’s less bite to your question.
“This happens sometimes, and you’re moving out soon, so it’s not going to be a concern.” Rose gives you a serious look, the kind you’re not used to from her. You’ve been in some vulnerable spaces with Rose before. It was bound to happen, your moirail is her matesprit, and they started seeing each other when she was still coming off alcoholism. Still, it doesn’t happen often, and you’re surprised that her brother eating your cereal warrants genuine seriousness from Rose Lalonde.
You’re nothing if not gracious though, so you elect to let it pass for now.
“Fucking fine, but he owes me for the cereal.” You take another long drink of the coffee. It’s actually really fucking good, exactly what you need before another long day of searching for another place.
“Really man? C’mon, it was just one bowl, don’t be stingy.” Dave whines. You’re sort of surprised to hear actual emotion in his tone. He was always so closed-off in high school, hidden behind his shades and a thick layer of mild douchiness.
(Although, your traitor brain reminds you, sometime in senior year he did start to lose that dickishness. You don’t know all the details, but something changed in his home life, and whatever it was led to Dave being a lot more tolerable. You may have even enjoyed the art class you took with him that year. Possibly. Not that you’d admit it or that you want to think about it while it’s still this early in the fucking morning.)
“Yeah, really! Actions have consequences, dickbag.” You flip him off and drain the rest of your coffee. “Now then, I’ve got a date with another hundred sketchy apartment listings, so if you wouldn’t mind keeping the dramatics to a low volume, I’ll be in my respiteblock.”
When Karkat leaves, a moderately awkward silence descends in his wake. You knew he lived here before you came over, but that definitely didn’t take away the weirdness of interacting with him after all these years. You’ll probably have to get used to it, given how serious Rose is about Kanaya. No way do you want to be awkward around your…what, moirail-in-law? Fuck, you don’t know.
After she’s finished with her coffee, Kanaya speaks up.
“Um. I believe I heard about some sales at the fabric store." She says, fidgeting with her mug. “Sales which would keep me busy for let’s say about an hour or two. And naturally I would let Rose know when I was finished with the sales and intending to come back home, so…if our shared respiteblock would be useful for some kind of emotional display or something otherwise private, it would be available during that time.”
Rose nods graciously, though the slight upward quirk of her lips betrays genuine fondness. “That's very good to know, Kanaya. I shall keep that in mind, should such displays come up.”
Kanaya’s apparently fluent enough in Roseian to pick up on the underlying meaning, which is a damn good thing. Both so you don’t have to actually explain yourself at all (horror of all horrors) and because, well. Their relationship would not work out if Kanaya didn’t understand all the things Rose doesn’t say.
“Karkat will probably be in his block most of the day, so you will be...uninterrupted.” Kanaya stands up, still visibly awkward. “Okay I'm going to get dressed now and then leave for the fabric store. You two have...fun with whatever you do.”
As soon as the respiteblock door shuts behind her, you let your head thunk onto the counter. “God, that shit was palpably awkward.”
“Forgive her for the weirdness. She really is trying.”
You sigh and roll your head to the side just enough that you can see Rose. “No, I know she is. This tracks with what I remember from school. No judgment, for real, I’m just not at my best today, y'know?”
Rose raises an eyebrow. “Actually, I don't know. Not yet.”
“I'm not spilling anything until—”
The respiteblock door opens again, and you barely hold back from flinching. Kanaya bustles out in what probably counts as casual wear for her, but would be at least medium dressy for anyone else.
“Okay, I’m heading out now, unless you need anything.” She pauses next to Rose and they share a brief kiss. It’s the kind of soft, absent tenderness that you’ve never had, and you know Rose didn’t before Kanaya. It makes something pang inside of you, but you’re not jealous, not truly. Mostly you’re just happy for Rose. Also grossed out because ugh, c’mon, your sister kissing? Ew.
“No, I think we'll be fine, but the thought is appreciated.” Rose smiles and tucks a stray stand of hair behind Kanaya’s ear.
Kanaya returns the smile and gives Rose one last peck on the cheek. “Of course.”
Then she turns to leave and sees you, which makes jade bloom across her cheeks. You just give a small wave, casual as you please.
“Best of luck with the sales.”
She sighs and murmurs a thank you before leaving. You’re so glad Rose and Kanaya reconnected after school. Even though shit’s still kind of awkward, especially with the PDA, you love Kanaya’s vibes.
Once the door clicks behind her, you sit up properly. “Okay first off, I want credit for not gagging when y’all kissed. I think that was very mature of me.”
Rose nods very seriously. “Oh, certainly.”
“And two, I appreciate the space she’s giving us, but her bluffing could use some work. Like c’mon, how vague is ‘the fabric store’.”
“No, that's actually the name of a real troll-owned store. Apparently it has better quality than any of the big-name businesses.”
You squint at Rose with your finely honed bullshit detector whirring away, but she actually seems sincere. “Well huh. That one’s on me, I guess.”
“Trivial misunderstandings aside, shall we get down to business?” Rose gestures to her shared respiteblock, and you stand up with a sigh and follow her.
“Oh c’mon, don't say it like that. You make me never wanna be emotionally open with you ever again.” The fact that you're pulling off your shades and exposing your whole entire soul (i.e. about two inches of your face) maybe works against your point.
“Mhm. Whatever you say.” Rose shuts the door behind both of you. “Feel free to sit wherever you like. I'm still unpacking the last of my things, but Kanaya and I both value comfort.”
No fucking kidding. There’s cushions all over the place and at least two of the plushest chairs you’ve seen in your life. “No shit. Comfiest room I ever planned to have a breakdown in.”
Rose hums and takes another sip of her coffee. “Before you get too comfortable, let me find a decent sweater.”
You hesitate, pulling at the cuffs of your hoodie. “I mean, we don’t have to do the swap thing if you don’t want to. Like, I know the sweater thing earlier was to save my ass, which don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate. But you really don’t have to lend out more of your sweaters to me.”
Rose doesn’t even bother to glance at you while she rifles through the dresser. “As though you aren't wearing the hoodie I prefer to snag.”
“Okay yeah, but maybe that's just ‘cause I'm a needy bitch. You can still tell me no.”
Rose turns back around, bundle of black fabric in hand. “Believe it or not, Dave, I get something out of this little ritual as well. It's comforting to have tangible evidence that we quite literally have each other's backs in vulnerable moments.”
“Well when you put it that way, it sounds all mushy.”
“If it helps, I can put it another way.” She throws the bundle at you. “Get in the goddamn sweater, Dave.”
You catch it with a laugh you can’t help and immediately unzip your own hoodie to toss back. “Yeah okay, I’ll get in the goddamn sweater.”
Rose smirks, but it’s not mean at all. “Good. Now, spill. What's troubling you so much that you're already using the spare key?”
You finish wiggling into her sweatshirt and collapse onto one of the chairs. Fuck, it really is comfy. “Ugh, it’s stupid.”
Rose sits delicately on the bed and shakes her head at you. “We've talked about this, Dave. No judgment in these spaces.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You sigh and rub a hand across your face. “Fine, it’s not stupid. It’s just, ugh, trauma and whatever. My apartment is too empty, okay? It’s not actually any different than usual, but for some reason it just…feels more empty. Not like there’s nothing there, more like there’s nothing there yet. D’you know what I mean?”
Rose cradles her mug and speaks softly, more so than she ever would outside of these careful moments. “Not from personal experience, but yes, I think I can extrapolate.”
You look down at your lap, overwhelmed even more than usual at the idea of eye contact. “I just…living with strangers is obviously a nonstarter at this point. June’s shacked up, and even if she wasn’t, she’s not exactly my first pick. I don’t wanna have to worry about pranks every goddamn day.”
“Yes, that seems distinctly unhelpful in the ‘making your living situation feel more safe and predictable’ department.”
You huff out something approximately a laugh. If sarcasm could be sympathetic, that would be your sister. “Yeah, exactly. We already talked about why I’m not gonna live with you and Kanaya—”
“Though if you ever needed to revisit…”
You look up at her with a wry smile. “Look, I’ll let you know if I ever do, but let’s just assume that I’m not gonna.” Rose nods and gestures for you to continue. “Jade’s almost never consistently in town, and honestly I don’t know if I’d wanna try that anyway. It’s a tossup on whether that’d be any better than June, and like, I love both of them, you know I do.”
Rose hums. “But you're very different people, and she's unlikely to be the kind of person you feel most comfortable coming home to.”
You sigh. “Exactly. Rox is great, but I don’t wanna live with him and Callie, either. And well…”
“We don't have to get into the whole Dirk thing.”
“Thank god.”
Rose pauses for a moment. “Do you want suggestions?”
You groan into your sweatshirt paws. Not at her, really, just your own cluttered head. You know she gets it. “Not right now, I don’t think. I just…I just wanna feel safe for a bit, y’know?”
Ah, fuck. Here come the waterworks. You hear a slight rustling, and then Rose is sitting on the floor next to your chair, arm pressed against your calf. “Yes. I do very much know what you mean.”
She hands you a box of tissues without another word because at the end of the day, Rose really does get it. You just let the tears fall in silence that’s only broken by the sound of you blowing your nose every so often. Maybe for someone else it’d be uncomfortable, but for you two, it’s exactly right. Rose leans more pressure into your leg, and you smile despite yourself.
“I know we only do this stuff sometimes and that I always bitch about it,” You croak out, voice more hoarse than you expect. “But for real, I do, y’know. Value it. And you.”
There’s more pressure on your leg again. “I know, Dave. By this point, you can rest assured that I understand the subtext of your bitching.”
You chuckle. “Yeah. Um, do you wanna…”
It’s like you can fuckin’ hear Rose rolling her eyes. “You don't have to make such a big deal out of a hug.”
You’re already scooting over so she can squash in next to you for a side hug. “Like you don’t whenever you're the sad trauma baby.”
Rose puts an arm around you. “Hush. Only hugs now, no astute observations.”
Your chuckle is a bit nasally, but she doesn’t mention it. “Alright, you got it.”
The two of you sit like that for a while, settling in one of the few spaces you ever feel at ease. It’s broken by the sound of Rose’s phone vibrating, which she immediately picks up to check.
“Ah. It looks like Kanaya will be coming home in about half an hour.”
You shift in the chair and prepare to stand. “That’s fine, I don’t really need more than this. Though, uh, would it be okay if I…”
Rose smirks, and this time it’s more teasing. “You're welcome to stick around the apartment, yes. As Kanaya said, Karkat is likely going to be in his block for most of the day. And Kanaya and I are well able to keep busy.”
“Gross.” You pause before leaving the room. “For real though, thanks. I’m just gonna chill on the couch, and I think I’ll be fine. And, uh. Y’know. Love you.”
You don’t turn back around, because you’re a considerate brother like that. You know this isn’t an easy thing for either of you to say. Proven by how you need to slip your shades back on almost before the words finish leaving your mouth.
“I love you too, Dave.” Rose lets the air hold that for a moment, then breaks it back down to something more like normal. “Now go on ahead and be tragic on the couch. We have reputations to uphold, after all.”
You wave a hand over your shoulder. “Yeah, will do. Oh, and tell Kanaya I said thanks and that’s she’s a real one.” You pause. “Actually, I’ll just tell her when she comes home, since I’ll be out there.”
Rose’s sigh is extremely, pointedly audible, even across the room. “Do you have to talk to her like that? I know it isn't the worst you could do, but one would think you'd want to go for a better impression.”
You open the door and turn back, pulling down your shades enough to look Rose in the eye. “Rose, she remembers how much of a dick I was in high school. More than that, no way she’s forgotten how much I talked about dicks. It’s too fuckin’ late to fake dignity in front of her.”
Rose averts her gaze, hands mid-fluff on a pillow. “...I suppose you're right. And I do want the two of you to get along.”
“Awww,” You drawl, letting every bit of brotherly condescension drip into your tone. “My sweet lil’ Rosie’s growing up. Moving in with her matesprit, settling down all mature-like…I’m so fuckin’ proud I could just—”
You get a pillow to the face, which in fairness, you totally should’ve seen coming. “Okay, ouch, I’m going, no need to whack me with pillows. Damn, a guy opens up and then gets this harassment, you’re gonna give me a complex.”
Rose rolls her eyes. “You'll be fine. And when I'm right in a few days, I'll allow you custody of your hoodie once more. And then you will give me back my goddamn sweater.”
You move backwards, hopefully out of range for any further pillow throwing. “Oh, absolutely. You just won’t know which one.”
You were very wrong about the range of her pillow throwing. Very, very wrong.
After several hours of staring at your screen, trying and failing to find a decent place to live, you slap your husktop closed and traipse your way into the living room. There, you throw yourself onto the plush couch, uncaring of the pillows you disrupt. The pillows and the plushness are there for moments of sheer exhaustion and annoyance precisely at the level you currently occupy.
“Yo dude, what the fuck, you almost sat on me.”
You jolt up at the voice, looking quickly to your side, where Dave is occupying half of the couch. You hadn’t seen him when you walked in, and honestly, you hadn’t been looking. You’re used to Kanaya and Rose, who both tend towards the armchairs or squishing together on the couch, heads bowed over books or needlework.
“Why the fuck are you still here?” You ask, shoving yourself upright, so you’re actually sitting instead of flopped sideways.
Dave just shrugs and looks back down at his phone. You notice how tense his shoulders are and how uncomfortable he seems, even on this, most comfortable of couches. It just reaffirms your suspicion that there’s some kind of emotional shit going down, either just with him or including Rose. You remember that the last time you saw her wearing his maroon hoodie was after an incredibly stressful week that you felt through Kanaya’s intense worry. Rose had come over wearing the hoodie and looking a bit raw, but she’d seemed...better.
Speaking of his hoodie, it’s gone now, replaced with a black sweatshirt of Rose’s that reads “I Think, Therefore I Might Be” in white block letters. Under your gaze, he fiddles with the sleeves, pulling them over his knuckles, like he’s trying to disappear into its comfort.
“Does it matter.” His voice sounds a bit rough, maybe from emotion, maybe from just not talking much. Or maybe from a fucking cough, you don’t know, and it’s none of your goddamn business.
“Only if you eat more of my cereal.” You pick up the book you left on the coffee table last night and elect to just read and leave Dave to his own issues. Clearly there’s some shit going on with him and he seems to need Rose’s help with that. You’re not here to judge, and you’re not here to poke your nose into other people’s business. You’d expect the same from someone else if it was you and Kanaya in this situation, and even though most humans are still weird about quadrant relationships, you kind of get the vibe that Rose and Dave have a similar relationship to moiraillegiance.
Not that you have a lot of room to talk about quadrants. If you were on Alternia, especially old Alternia, you’d…well, you’d be culled for your blood color before not being quadromantic, but it certainly wouldn’t help. You’re damn lucky with Kanaya, and you know it.
Ugh. This is absolutely not what you came out here to think about. It’s basically the opposite, because reflecting on how much you love and appreciate Kanaya just makes you more aware of how much it’s going to suck to not be living with her anymore. Not that you’re being forced to move out. You know Kanaya would be happy for you to stay and that Rose would be—well, she’d be as reasonable as she’s able, you suppose. You’re just extremely not interested in being party to the everyday haze of their flushed adorations.
Or at least, that’s what you tell Kanaya everytime she asks. In reality, you mostly just want Kanaya to be happy. She’s disgustingly horns over heels for Rose, and you know they’ll have a much easier time cohabitating without you around. Rose will be able to relax literally ever, for one. But actually saying that would make Kanaya feel torn between you and Rose, so you’re taking that decision out of her hands and putting it, along with yourself, in a different place that isn’t saturated with the mutual longing of flighty broads.
Ideally unsaturated, anyway. It’s on your list of must-haves. A list that gets shorter by the day, because apparently there are no fucking apartments available in the entire city! Wow! Your luck is amazing! You are really living the fucking high life! And you can’t vent to your moirail about it because then she’ll feel guilty and all of your other friends either suck at listening or would call you a martyr and say to just! Talk! To! Kanaya!
“Dude, are you okay? You’re like, shaking. And glaring at that book like it killed your fucking dog. Barkbeast. Culled? Whatever, I’m just curious if it was the book itself that committed this clearly heinous crime or if it’s the characters and/or plot that are making you get this worked up. If it’s the writing then like, gotta let Rose borrow that book, she would love to write something that makes people as mad as you are right now. Or as mad as you seem. I don’t actually know if you’re mad, but I remember back in school you were mad a lot so I kind of just assumed that’s what’s going on here, but maybe I’m being nosy as fuck right now which probably isn’t what you’re looking for. Y’know what, I’m just gonna stop talking. Done. No more.”
You have been staring at Dave since about halfway through that mess, caught between irritation and a genuine awe at how much he can just say. You forgot he was like this. Or, well. You didn’t forget, but you figured that your memories were exaggerated. But no, you remembered the Dave Strider Classic all too well. You’ve met toddlers less verbose than this guy. He looks painfully aware of how absurd all of that was, too. His face is twisted into something like a grimace if a grimace could hide in a corner with its shirt pulled up over its head, and the tips of his ears are bright fucking red.
“It’s not the book,” You end up saying, because that seems like the easiest part to respond to first. “Apartment hunting just fucking sucks.”
He seems surprised, which is fair. Back in school you never would’ve let him get away with a verbal assault like that without several choice comments. On another day, you’d probably give him what-for, but today you’re just…not feeling it. Everything is happening so much all the time and you are done. The done one is you.
After a beat of silence, he clears his throat. “Uh, yeah. Tell me about it. Like, what, am I supposed to just throw in with a bunch of strangers after a freakish ‘interview’ where they judge my taste in music and ask how often I fuck? No thanks, I don’t care what Rose says, I’d rather live the rest of my life in a depression cave than shack up with the kind of people who have a goddamn chore wheel on the fridge.”
“Right?!” You toss your book to the side and lean forward, ecstatic for the chance to bitch with a kindred soul. “And don’t even get me started on multi-species living arrangements. Last time I met up with someone looking for a new roommate, it was a human who had the audacity to ask which quadrant we were going to slot into. I didn’t even know their name yet. And that was one of the more reasonable meetings I’ve had to slog through!”
“Dude, you think that’s bad? I went to scope out some dude’s extra room and the guy literally had all his BDSM gear still up on the walls. Apparently he was planning to offer me some kind of timeshare with his sex dungeon where I could keep my clothes in the dresser but I’d have to clear out when he brought home the poor fuckers with low enough standards to handle his nasty ass.”
The disgust at the memory is clear enough to come through even with half of Dave’s face covered by shades, and it makes you laugh in spite of yourself.
“Alright, that’s pretty bad,” You admit. He gives you one of the smallest half-smiles you’ve ever seen, and you realize that you do actually feel a bit better. “Seriously though, I keep re-examining just what I’d be willing to trade for someone to not ask about quadrants for once. It’s either humans who are way too curious or trolls that would probably throw me to the drones for not being quadromantic if we were back on Alternia during the ‘good old days’. Someone actually called it that during an apartment tour, like they could just mask the genocide and literal hunting of lowbloods by tossing on some saccharine half-sentiment.”
That actually makes Dave’s smile a bit wider and gets him to sit up properly. “Yikes, talk about a bad first impression. Dunno if you can come back from that one, Colonel Bigot, no matter how great a deal you’re offering.” He pauses, shifting a bit awkwardly. “Uh, I know it’s like, none of my business, and please feel free to tell me to fuck off and I swear I’ll listen, but. I thought Kanaya and you were moirails?”
What? Why would that be—oh. You totally just came out by accident during your rant, didn’t you. Of course you did, why wouldn’t you? Why the fuck not? You haven’t told half of your actual friends, but the second this cereal-nabbing douche lets you vent, you reach into the bag and grab the metaphorical cat by the scruff of its furry neck and swing it around for all to see.
“You’re right, it’s absolutely none of your business.” You can’t keep the defensiveness out of your voice. You also can’t help but soften a little bit at Dave’s apologetic wince. “Whatever. Yes, I’m not quadromantic, look at me queering it up human style. And yes, strange as it sounds, Kanaya and I are moirails anyway. Feel free to gaze at the universe’s most freakish troll, but beware its claws lest it pass on the infection when it shreds you to ribbons.”
He actually laughs. It’s not an awful sound. Maybe even a nice sound, if you’re starved for positive social interaction and you really want to avoid dealing with the clusterfuck that’s underlying your entire life right now.
“Cool, man.” You give him a skeptical look, and he just shrugs. “Look, what the fuck does it matter to me? Romance is weird. Not like I’m not, uh. ‘Queering it up’ myself.”
You give a mollified ‘hmph’ and sit back. Your lack of rage seems to settle him down, which is good. You don’t feel like dealing with anybody freaking out right now, whether that’s yourself or the guy stealing real estate on your couch. Weird as it is for you to have Dave Motherfucking Strider be so casually accepting of your romantic fuckery, it’s probably just as weird for him to know that Karkat “Quadrant Obsessed” Vantas, who may or may not have had an embarrassingly obvious pitch crush on him once upon a time, has left all of that by the wayside.
“So, I have an idea, not even a well-thought out one, but what the hell let’s just shoot from the hip and blurt out whatever the fuck we’re thinking.” Dave fidgets with the end of his sweatshirt sleeve and pointedly does not look at you. “What if we moved in together?”
For a long moment, you just stare at him. It’s long enough that he sneaks a look back at you. “I promise I won’t flirt with you or make weird bigoted comments. And I think chore wheels are dumb, so like. Prime roomie material over here, yeah?”
He looks honest-to-God nervous. It’s sort of sweet, in a way you refuse to think about in any further detail.
“Sure,” You say, surprising yourself as much as him.
He gives you a weird look that you don’t think you’ve earned since he’s the one who suggested it in the first place. “What, really?”
You grin, showing all your teeth. He doesn’t flinch. “Clearly I’m fresh out of decent options. How bad could it be?”
The corner of his mouth twitches back up. “Just gonna tempt fate right out the gate there, huh?”
You roll your eyes. Pff. Yeah, like fate could throw you a curveball strong enough to actually knock you off your feet. Your life has been way too fucking weird to get that worked up about the idea of moving in with Dave Strider.
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: So.
TT: I heard something interesting through the grapevine.
TG: ugh
TG: cmon we both know that by grapevine you just mean your gf
TG: matesprit
TG: mategirlspritfriend
TG: and grapevine doesnt seem like your kinda petname tbh
TT: There are all sorts of things you don't know about me, Dave.
TT: Perhaps "grapevine" is a charming in-reference between Kanaya and myself, laden with the ripe fruits of mutual affection.
TG: ok but like its not tho
TT: As far as you know.
TG: alright i know this is gonna be pretty fuckin wild for us
TG: but im gonna be the one to try and get back on the point
TG: were quickly hurtling past the point and idk about you but im not sure my reach actually extends far enough to get back to it
TG: at best my dope cape might get tangled on it
TG: all wrapped up around the point
TG: pulling against my throat
TG: if only someone could get back to the point to save me
TG: im getting strangled by your avoidance of the point rose
TG: is that what you want
TT: For someone so eager to get back to the point, you certainly are spinning quite the tangent.
TG: and its your job to get the convo back on track cmon you know that
TT: I suppose I do.
TT: So then. Back to the point we go.
TG: oh no youre the only one going back to the point
TG: im already there getting strangled to death remember
TT: Ah yes. How could I forget?
TG: parental neglect gettin projected onto your sibling i bet
TT: Are you sure you want to get back to the point? Because you're really goading me into a juicy tangent with that thought.
TG: ok id care a lot more about your point if i didnt know what its about
TT: My my, I had no idea you were precient.
TG: yes you did its genetic remember
TG: magic twin bullshit
TT: Do you want me to tell you why I pestered you or not?
TG: that depends
TG: are you just gonna rib me for moving in with karkat
TG: or do you have smth not rude to say
TT: It can be both.
TG: it really cant tho
TT: Very well. I shall leave my mockery for later, and give you only the most sincere of congratulations. I’m glad that so soon after our talk, you finally found a roommate you don't hate spending more than thirty seconds with.
TT: Anymore.
TG: ok i was gonna say thank you but then you ruined it
TG: why you gotta do me like this rose
TT: Sisterly privileges.
TT: Also, I enjoy making you squirm.
TG: yuck
TT: I'm just saying that I'm glad you and Karkat get along better now than you did in high school. That's all.
TG: we got along ok in school
TT: Oh really?
TG: ok maybe not at first
TT: That's an understatement. I swear you had that boy seeing spades for years.
TG: ok no
TG: stop that
TG: no quadrant talk
TG: zero implications about any romantic potential between me and my shiny new roommate
TG: youre gonna ruin our chill roomie bond before it even starts
TT: I was speaking in the past tense, Dave.
TT: I'm well aware that by the end of high school, you two were downright chummy.
TT: You seemed to thoroughly enjoy the class you took together senior year.
TG: well ya it was with the mayor
TG: anything he taught was gonna be dope
TT: True enough.
TT: I recall your delight when he won the local election.
TG: like you werent right there drinking nonalcoholic cider along with me
TG: celebrating the best political decision this city ever made
TT: I will admit to my own satisfaction, yes.
TT: But to return to the point and untangle you before you choke to death.
TG: oh so now you care
TT: I always care about you, dear brother.
TT: I'm simply wishing you the best.
TT: Teasing aside, I genuinely think you and Karkat will get along well as roommates.
TT: He's mellowed out quite a bit from school.
TG: ya it seemed like it when we talked
TT: And it will be convenient to live in the same building.
TG: convenient for you maybe
TG: drop by for a quick mind probe sesh
TG: 'oh dave what a surprise to see you in your own home'
TG: 'since were both here how about we talk about that dick joke you made earlier'
TG: 'i think it speaks a lot to our mutual childhood trauma and how you dont feel able to process it without humor in the mix'
TT: I don't imagine Karkat would allow such a flagrant display in your shared living space.
TT: And seeing as we are currently still holding our truce on not entering each other's respiteblocks without express permission, ambushing you in a public space would be my only option.
TT: Unfortunately, I will be unable to abuse your trust in that manner.
TG: thank god for that
TT: Oh relax. I'm done tormenting you with sincere well-wishes.
TT: ...for now.
TG: """sincere well-wishes"""
TG: ya sure ill buy that
TG: yknow since i was born last week
TT: Don't you mean yesterday?
TG: nah its been a week thats how i know im up to snuff on detecting horseshit from flighty broads
TG: i can tie my shoes and rent a car im all grown up
TT: I've never been prouder.
TG: thanks that means a lot
TG: im tearing up from all your pride
TG: gonna flood my place good thing im moving somewhere new
TT: I couldn't agree more.
TG: but also yknow uh
TG: for real
TG: thanks
TT: You're welcome.
TT: And, for real, with full, painful, uncomfortable sincerity: I'm happy for you.
TG: gross
TT: I swear, I will smother you in your sleep one of these days.
TG: love you too rose
TT: Ugh.
TT: Go deal with your tear flood before you cause major water damage in your brand new apartment.
TG: lmao ok
TG: oh uh actually one more thing
TT: What is it?
TG: do you know karkats favorite cereal
TG: yknow for like a peace offering or whatever
TG: keep the vibes good at the start and all that
TT: ...Oh, this living situation of yours is going to be such fun to watch.
TT: Thank you for this gift.
TT: And no, I don't know his favorite cereal.
TG: oh fuck off
TG: talk to you later ive gotta go to the store
TG: like a mature adult
TT: A mature adult getting his roommate a peace offering of cereal.
TG: uugggghhhhhhh
TG: tty extremely extremely l
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]
“And you’re quite sure about this?”
You throw your head back with a groan. “Holy fuck Kanaya, I know we have a non-traditional moiraillegiance, but that doesn’t mean you have to mother me!”
A few years ago, that would’ve gotten you a hurt look. Now it just gets you ignored. Kanaya keeps pulling things out of your boxes and then re-packing them more neatly. She’s already reduced your load by a box and a half, which you won’t pretend isn’t appreciated. Always bugging and fussing and meddling, your Kanaya. You love her to pieces, overbearing concern and all.
You sigh and rub the back of your neck, feeling more awkward than you’d like. “Yeah, I’m sure. I know he was kind of obnoxious back in school, but so was I. Seems rude to hold it against him. And—I don’t know, when we were talking he seemed…decent.” Wow, that’s really convincing, Karkat. “Anyway, I would’ve thought you’d like him, since he’s Rose’s littermate.”
The edge of Kanaya’s perfectly made-up mouth curls into a smile. “They hate it so much when you call them that. Rose went so far as to ask me to stop you.”
“Ha! What’d you tell her?”
She folds the top of the box back into place and smooths her hands over it. “That you are a full-grown troll capable of making your own choices, and I would never dream of trying to change that.”
You huff a laugh under your breath and come up behind her, nudging your head into her back. She absently reaches around to lightly stroke one of your horns, which is all she can reach at this angle.
“We’re even moving into a unit in this building. I thought you’d be happy about that.” Your words are muffled into her shirt, but you know by her deep sigh that she hears you just fine.
“I am pleased that we will still be in close proximity,” She says. She turns around fully and gathers you close, raking her fingers fondly through the mess of your hair. “I just worry about you. It is my burden to bear, Karkat.”
“So now I’m a burden, huh?” You tilt your head up just enough to see her roll her eyes. “It’ll be fine, Kanaya. This is way better than any of the other options I’ve found, even if he does steal all of my goddamn cereal.”
She just hums and holds you tighter for a long moment, settling her chin atop your head. You relax into the embrace, comforted even though you weren’t all that stressed. You really are thrilled that you’ll still be so close by, and you know she is too. Sometimes you forget that you aren’t the only one about to stop living with their moirail after years of being used to having them only a room away. A low rumbling churr starts up in your chest cavity, echoed in Kanaya’s own after barely a pause. It’s—nice. It’s always really fucking nice. Fuck quadrants, they’re never going to work for you, but you wouldn’t trade what you have with Kanaya for anything in the entire bulge-fucked universe.
“So, uh, not that this isn’t a fun thing to see, or I guess hear? But Rose said there were boxes ready to carry up. Is that a thing still or should I fuck off?”
You can tell without looking that Kanaya’s cheeks are tinted jade. She gets flustered so easily sometimes.
“Yeah, yeah, calm your hoofbeasts.” You pull away from Kanaya, though you do reach up and pat her cheeks, right over her blush. It makes her eyes glitter with fondness, which in turn makes your heart feel light and content.
You turn to Dave properly and gesture to the stacked up boxes shoved against the walls of your block. “Take your pick, Strider. Be warned, the ones on the left are all full of books, so unless you’re a lot stronger than those twig arms look, I’d leave them to Kanaya.”
“Ouch.” Dave puts a hand to his chest in offense, though his expression doesn’t shift from “douchebag neutral”. You’re going to have to work on that. “Coming after my upper body strength right off the bat, that’s fuckin’ low.”
Kanaya gives your head one last pat and heads over to snag two of the heavier boxes. “In fairness, one of us has spent years honing the finer skills of chainsaw-wielding, and it is not you. Also, Karkat has very many books. You should be relieved not to be responsible for moving them yourself.”
Dave tilts his head and nods. “Yeah, fair. I’ll just grab from whatever piles you’re avoiding, then.”
It really is the best approach, but you let out a snort of laughter anyway. Dave gives you a Look, or as close to one as he can approximate through his shades. It just makes you laugh again, louder this time.
Between the three of you, it only takes about an hour to move all of your shit to the new place, which is just a floor up. It’s really fucking weird to be barely moving at all after weeks of absolutely miserable searching and interviewing and meeting some of the actual worst strangers you have ever had the misfortune of existing alongside.
Weird in a good way, though. Weird in a way you are completely fine with. Your entire fucking life is weird in a weird way, so you’re going to count this as an unexpected windfall.
Dave seems to view things as decidedly less lucky, at least at the moment, judging by his panting and sweating. Not that you can point fingers and mock, since your own breathing has a pronounced wheeze to it and your shirt is firmly stuck to your back. Naturally, Kanaya doesn’t have so much as a hair out of place.
“Well then, I believe that is the last of it.” She gives you a fond smile but neglects any sort of contact, which you expected. You know Kanaya loves you, but the circumstances would have to be pretty extreme for her to willingly get sweat on her clothes. “Unless there is anything else you need from me, I will leave you both to your unpacking.”
You wave her off. “Go on and be gross with Rose all over the apartment, now that it’s empty of me. I know you’ve been waiting to christen the kitchen with your gooey feelings.”
“You have seen through me once again.” Kanaya winks, then leaves you and Dave alone in your new apartment.
Which, once again, is so fucking weird.
You’ve just managed to motivate yourself to get up for a glass of water when Dave speaks up.
“How the fuck was she fine after carrying all that shit?” He doesn’t even lift his head up, though his shades are shoved in his hair. It’s a tangled fucking mess that you are so glad isn’t your problem. “Like, what the hell. I know Kanaya’s tough, don’t get me wrong. That’s been clear for-fucking-ever. But she carried your bedframe like it was nothing, dude.”
You shoot him a Look, though of course he doesn’t fucking see it. “She’s a jadeblood.”
“That answers absolutely nothing.”
He can’t be serious. “Dave, how the fuck do you not know what jadebloods are like? Rose and Kanaya have been together for years, and I know you’ve had exposure to plenty troll culture.”
“I don’t know man, it’s not like I ask Rose for the details of her love life.” He groans as he forces himself to a sitting position. “And I don’t pay much attention to all the blood color shit unless I have to. There’s a lot to remember, dude. And kind of a lot of it is really obviously just about highblood-lowblood hemophobia.”
You want to be annoyed, but he’s making it harder than you expected. Which is probably for the best, actually. You pour two glasses of water and sit down next to him, setting them down in front of you. He grabs the nearest one and downs half of it in one go.
“You’re going to make yourself sick, dipshit. Slow sips.” You can’t help the nagging. It’s years of exposure to Kanaya, you swear. Dave just rolls his eyes, though he does drink the rest of the glass more slowly.
“Anyway, jadebloods…well, you know that they’re the caste that tends the Mothergrubs and the brooding caverns, right?” You laugh at the affronted look he gives you. “Okay, okay, fine. Just making sure you remember the basics from the joke of a health class we took freshman year.”
“Don’t worry man, I know where babies come from. Don’t gotta schoolfeed me on the birds and the bees.” He pauses with his glass halfway to his mouth. “Squawkbeasts and honeydrones?”
“Dave, I might’ve been hatched on Alternia, but I grew up on Earth. Your pitiful attempts at translating are mildly charming, but you can just say normal words like a goddamn adult.” He can’t. You know he can’t. It’s been years since high school, but this is Dave Strider you’re talking about. He’s going to keep dropping bullshit on you, and you both know it.
“Sure thing Karkles,” He says, even though you both know it’s a lie. “C’mon man, jadebloods. Does the Mothergrub radiation give them Hulk powers or some shit?”
“Oh my fucking god no.” You pause for a moment. “Though you’re almost on the right track.”
Dave chokes on a sip of water. “Fuck, seriously? That was a joke, how the fuck am I on the right track? Can Kanaya transform into a big jade monster with superstrength?”
“I said almost on the right track, fucknugget.” You grin at the scrunched up face Dave makes. “No, there’s no ‘hulking out’. But on average, jadebloods are stronger than any other caste. Besides some indigobloods, though that’s just physical strength. In terms of sheer survival, bet on a jadeblood every time. Without them, the Mothergrubs could die, and then it’s over for trolls everywhere. So jadebloods are basically the best version of ‘basic troll’ possible. Plus, y’know, the whole rainbow drinker thing.”
“Right, I forgot about troll vampires.” Dave hums. You raise an eyebrow and his facade cracks almost immediately. “Kidding, kidding. No way would Rose let me forget something like that. I really didn’t know all that about jadebloods though, thanks for the crash course.”
You shrug. “No problem. I know a bit more than most trolls about jadebloods, and I might as well do my part in the battle of reducing Dave Strider’s ignorance about the world outside of his own echoing skull.”
“It’s echoing because I’m brainless, right?”
Your smile matches the upward twitch of his lips. “And look at that, folks! He can be taught. I never knew it was possible.”
“There’s lots you don’t know about me, Karkat.” He says it like a joke, overdone wink and all, but it catches you that it’s true. There really is a lot you don’t know about this new, older version of Dave. There are all sorts of things that could be good or bad or ugly or maybe, just maybe, exactly what you’re looking for. And although you wouldn’t have believed it a few months ago, you’re honestly looking forward to finding out.