Forever Doesn't Last Long

by chuvyaswine

Summary:

“It's better than you leaving and doing Archons know what. I can assure your safety here while we solve this.” Diluc matches the sassiness in the others voice, trying to hide his regret.

Kaeya drags a hand down his face, “Right, okay— my safety. Sure.”

OR

Kaeya's abyssal heritage catches up to him, freezing over in his chest. Before he can sit back and let himself die, Diluc and Albedo step in to keep him from destroying himself.

Notes:

Good luck guys
*italics is either a dream or thoughts depending on the context

Chapter 1: To Have A Home

He's going to kill me, isn't he?

 

 

 

 

There was nothing he could do now except look away, Kaeya didn’t want his own brother being the last thing he sees. If he dies that means he failed Khaenriah. All his people, losing their only hope. What a pity.

“I hate you. So..much.” Diluc managed to say, his voice cracking a bit and Kaeya braced himself. But the fire never came. It didn’t finish the job of all his other bleeding wounds, especially his eye which now hurt so much that the man gagged whenever he was reminded of it.

Instead, ice surrounded him. Not abyssal ice, but celestial ice. One of a vision. He would know the unfamiliar and scratchy feeling of celestial power anywhere. Something he should have never had to deal with if it wasn’t for those damned archons.

“No..” Kaeya mumbled when he saw the ice-covered orb in front of him. A mondstat vision. He now laid on his side, he didn’t know how he got into the position but he didn’t care. It was all over, dying would have been a better fate than this.

He couldn’t breathe, such a simple task was replaced with hysterical sobs. Kaeya brought his hands to his ears slowly, not wanting to hear a single thing. Not the sound of Diluc’s flames slowly dissipating, the rain hitting the cement, none of it.

He needed some quiet, just for once he needed some peace. “I c..cant see—please..don’t do this to me..please.” He begged, but this is what he deserves for being a traitor to the people that loved him. None of them would love him if they knew the truth. He trembled with pain from his wounds and fear of the future.

“I..I’m sorry..so sorry. Just please..don’t make me choose-“ He didn’t want to choose between Mondstat and Khaenriah. He couldn’t. He would choose Khaenriah. Slowly Diluc walked away and Kaeya opened his eye, but not moving other than that. He stared at his blood washing away in the rain on the pavement.

The bloodied cement disappeared under Kaeya as he was thrown into a room with carpet, and books lining the walls. Despite the lack of light, Kaeya could see perfectly just as he could back in Khaenri'ah. That's where he was, wasn't he? Back in the library that he would visit as a kid when he was too sad to speak or too angry at his parents to look them in the eye, would he do the same now if he saw his Father? Wall away from him without another word? Hah, how ironic.

The peace didn't last very long, as Kaeya was soon overwhelmed with unfamiliar darkness, but it hurt, and he couldn't move.

"You were supposed to save us."  A raspy, almost dead-sounding voice declared.

"We put our lives into your hands Kaeya Alberich, but you failed us." Another one whispered in his ear, but nobody was there.

"I'm sorry! I'm trying I swear just please-" He couldn't finish his sentence. Not before hundreds of whispers began to stir, slowly starting to sound more like screams, hands grabbed at Kaeya, pulling him hard. They ignored his pained sobs without hesitation.

He couldn't breathe or move, or maybe he wasn't breathing on purpose, it seemed about right because why would he want to? Why would deserve to live? 

 

--------

Kaeya jumped awake, grabbing his bedsheets in tight fists, he brought his shaky hands to his face and sobbed into his palms, as much as he tried he couldn't stop the whispers from echoing in his ears and the feeling of hands all over him made him nauseous.

Nauseous.

"Shit!" Kaeya managed, throwing himself off the bed and barely making it to the bathroom to empty out his stomach in the toilet. He sat with his back facing the wall and brought his knees up to his chin, wrapping one shaky hand around his arm and digging nails into his fragile skin. It would bleed and scar but it helped Kaeya ground himself.

Eventually, Kaeya was able to get up on his own, though his legs threatened to buckle under him at any given moment and his breath still hitched slightly. Once up, he flushed the toilet and walked over to the sink, he refused to look in the mirror. Instead, Kaeya kept his eyes on the faucet as he brought a hand up to his chest, it was cold, and a thin layer of frost formed over the area where his heart is.

"Hah! Of course!" Kaeya burst into a fit of laughter, almost manic.

"Haha..I haven't used my Abyssal power in so long that it's rebelling against me! Hilarious! It's..trying to kill me,"

He slid down the wall again, unwanted tears pouring from his eyes. Kaeya had known for quite a while that this could happen, eventually, the Abyss would catch up to him and his Celestial vision. They couldn't thrive in unison for too long. 

Sunlight shined through the small window in front of Kaeya and he rubbed his eyes before getting up and closing the curtain so he could get ready for work, it was nothing like his usual outfit but still enough for people to not question him and bandaged the small wounds left by his nails on his arm.

Before leaving he had a glass or two of wine, he hated breaking into his own personal collection but Kaeya needed something to get him through the morning until he can visit the tavern.

---

Kaeyas head throbbed horribly, usually a glass of his favorite drink helps ease the pain but nothing was working in his favor today. He rested his elbows on the paper-covered desk, rubbing his eyes again. The cold sensation was still flickering in his chest, but he had become very skilled in the act of hiding feelings and emotions behind a cheerful smile, and it wasn't any different today.

Just as Kaeya let out a stifled sigh, a knock came on the door of his office,

"It's Jean, may I come in?" Her soft voice asked, 

Immediately, he perked up and put on a more welcoming expression. "Of course Jean, you should have just called me into your office," She came in, her heels making a soft clinking noise as she shut the door behind her. "You're my superior y'know, at least sit-down." Kaeya gestured slightly at one of the two chairs in front of his desk and when she sat down, he went around to sit next to her which is when he noticed the look on her face, concerned and puzzled.

"Jean, is something troubling you?" Kaeya asked with genuine worry, either something was wrong with Mondstadt or he had fucked up majorly. She let out a sigh,

"Kaeya, have you been doing alright?. I know you have a tendency to hide your injuries. I want to make sure you’re alright, especially as..as the date of your Father’s passing comes up." A shiver went down his spine, he had entirely forgotten the anniversary with all that was on his mind. Silently, he wished she hadn’t mentioned it at all. 

Kaeya smiled, trying to escape this conversation all together, "Jean, you worry far too much. Fortunately for you, my skin remains on my bones. And as far as that goes, I have been doing quite alright, I assure you." Kaeya reassured, placing a cup of tea in her hands.

Though his wished now to erase the reminder from his mind as his hands shivered slightly.

She took a small sip of the tea, her expression seemed to soften and the concerned look washed away. "I suppose I must take your word for it, I won’t press. At least go home now, you seem like you haven't gotten much rest. I want you to take care of yourself, Kaeya.” 

He smiled gently, "Really, I'm the one without sleep? Look at you Jean," He brushed his thumb on the dark circles under her eyes, "You should take your own advice, forbid you become a hypocrite." Kaeya chided, and she let out a small laugh.

She nodded slowly, "Archons Kaeya, just go home, for now, you've done enough." 

"Is that a direct order?" Kaeya asked, standing up and returning to his seat behind the desk.

"If it makes you get some rest, then yes, it is." Jean placed her teacup down on the saucer and brought her gaze back up to Kaeya.

He chuckled, "alright alright, Acting Grand Master, I'll go home. My word, you want me gone so bad?"

"Kaeya, you know that's not why." She replied without another thought and he didn't grace it with a proper response, just a nod.

He left a little while after but didn't go home. That's the last place he wanted to be, instead, he went to the tavern. Home isn't really home, there was no home left for Kaeya. He wasn't deserving enough of one and so he washes away that numb feeling with alcohol, that way his feelings are just blurred enough for him to survive in a world he doesn't belong in.

 

---

So of course, his night would end at the Tavern— fullt prepared to drown his feelings in liquor. Diluc was at the bar, barely glancing up when Kaeya sat down on a stool. 

"Death After Noon, please Master Diluc." He requested, a playful tone laced into his words. Diluc eyed him before pouring Kaeya the drink and setting it on the table. "Kindest regards," Kaeya drawled childishly, the other rolled his eyes and got back to cleaning the cups.

He took a few sips from his drink before the Bard started singing, only causing the ache in his mind to grow. This ballad was just as repetitive as the others, nonsense about adventuring that was more like stabbing to Kaeya’s exhausted mind rather than comforting. Kaeya couldn't remember when he'd figured out that the short Bard was really the Anemo Archon, but he didn't care much. His mind wandered from one thought to another, but it always came back to one thing.

I'll be dead soon.

Kaeya didn't know what to make of it, part of him was..relieved that it was happening, he'd be gone soon. unable to disappoint anyone any further. He'd already lost enough.

"-aeya. Kaeya!" He shot up, almost dropping the drink.

"What?" Kaeya responded, annoyance seeping into his voice and he winced at the break in character. Diluc looked back at him with a confused look,

The redhead seemed slightly shocked at Kaeya’s snappy reaction. He watched as the man regained his stoicism, "The Tavern has closed. Surely, you don’t act this way on duty," He didn't drop the look, “Though can I expect more from lousy knights such as you?” He scoffed, his gaze left Kaeya as he continued cleaning off a glass.

The mindless jab at the Favonious prompted Kaeya to roll his eyes, "You're being insanely foolish Master Diluc, I assure you, my current state does not affect the future of the Knights. " But did it? Would the city spiral without their Calvary Captain? Perhaps Diluc would take Kaeyas's place out of pity. How humiliating it was for that thought to even arise.

There was a small change in the bartenders expression. Later, Kaeya would insist it hadn’t softened in the slightest. He cleared his throat before speaking, “Your current state. Is that to say something is wrong? Are you drunk?”

Kaeya scoffed, "I've barely finished a single glass."

"And that's somehow even more suspicious considering you." Diluc set the cup he was cleaning down with an excessive amount of force, it rang throughout the entire tavern. Which was entirely empty.

"Suspicious? I’m not sure I know what you mean to get at. If you’re concerned for the safety of Mondstadt, I figure the Darknight Hero has that under control."

Diluc’s grip he had on the rag visibly loosened and he glared at Kaeya, he squirmed under the uncomfortable look.

“Alright then Kaeya, let me spell it out for you, since you require such assistance. What is wrong with you?”

The question startled Kaeya far too much, the bite in his words was almost shameful to hear. But it is rare for Diluc to ask any questions pertaining to Kaeya himself— about the knights, maybe. But him? Despite the clear lack of empathy, the question still felt deeply personal.

Kaeya swallowed it, because Diluc could not care for how he is. “Nothing is wrong with me, your judgment decieves you. Since you are so concerned with the quality of the Knights, I should inform you that I have work to do. So much in fact, that I do not save time for your inquiries. I'll say it again, my current state is no threat to Mondsadt." He practically spat the words, which was unusual for Kaeya, he'd never lose his cool so easily and part of him didn't want to be arguing with Diluc today, he'd rather sit there nagging him for however long he has left but something about the way the other man was speaking made Kaeya disgusted. 

The redheads face hardened again, the crease in his brows grew in permanence, “Clearly you have enough time on your hands to lose yourself in my Tavern. Something is wrong.”

"Drop it, Diluc." Kaeya set a bag of Mora down on the table. "Please." He added, it sounded more like a plead than much else.

Kaeya left in a hurry, not letting Diluc get another word in, he ran a few fingers through his hair to try and quell the emotions burning in him.

No, not burning. Freezing over.

 

Notes:

YALL PLEASE IGNORE THE FORMAT AND GRAMMAR ERRORS I MIGHT HAVE RUSHED THIS....

Chapter 2: A Toast to Regret

Notes:

i was being NICE in the last chapter
*TW cause Kaeya is touched without consent but not in a sexual way but still, it is there*

Kaeya hadn't had a night like this in a while, getting drunk was normal for him but it was always on account of the Tavern, rarely ever of his personal collection of wines he had. So as he lay on his bed with an empty glass in hand, hanging off the edge he wondered how he had gotten to this point, all because of a memory. He figured it would be so much easier if Diluc had finished the job all those years ago, then he wouldn’t be haunted by night terrors and expectations.

On top of that, there was Diluc’s question racing around Kaeya’s mind. The feeling that maybe, the question was less about why Kaeya was so fucked and more about how he was. 

"I kid myself.." he mumbled. It was the way he was talking to him as if there were more to it than just being concerned about Mondstadts well-being. But there couldn't have been, the only reason Diluc has spoken to Kaeya over these past four years is either to kick him out of the Tavern or to ask Fatui political questions. If he cared then why only show it now?

Though he knew that any notion of Diluc genuinely being concerned was downright absurd, a part of him wanted to let himself believe it, that the man wanted to know what was wrong with that date coming up in less than two weeks. 

Kaeya laughed out loud at his pathetic excuse, knowing he was chasing something he would never be able to catch up with. “Dearest brother wanted me dead.” He stretched out that last word, it stung more than hard liquor down his throat. 

His words slurred back into the old Khaenri'ahn accent that he had worked so hard to hide years ago. Laced between each word ever so slightly, it sounded like both love and betrayal to him. He let the glass slip out of his hand and onto the ground, he turned over and scrunched up his knees to his neck like a little kid. 

"I hate you." 

"You're not my brother and you never were."

"Kaeya, you're our last hope." 

A small cry escaped his mouth, yearning to be held. 

 

---

 

Kaeya groaned, rubbing his eyes as he woke. He didn't want to get up; his head ached faintly— and he knew it would just get worse as the day went on. But to make it less painful, he'd have to get up and close the blinds so the sun wasn't burning through his eyes.

"Kaeya?" A distant call of his name sent him throwing his blanket off of himself in shock.

The voice was familiar but Kaeya still couldn't register it correctly.

"Shit— I'll be right down!" He yelled with as much force as he could manage, hoping the person knocking at his door could hear him. The man shielded his eye while stumbling around trying to get to the window. Once the blinds were closed he could finally get his eye open, an attempt to fix his appearance was made but he doubted it helped much.

He patted the wrinkles out of yesterday’s day clothes while making it down the narrow flight of stairs. It was difficult to not accidentally skip steps as he raced down, the fog of his hungover mind and body acting against him.

Once down he walked at a much calmer pace to the door, like an actor putting on their character right before the show.

Kaeya was relieved when he saw the Chief Alchemist at the door, his expression as calm as ever. "Albedo," He started before seeing a familiar cheeky face peeking around the Alchemist's legs.

"Awe, Klee, good morning." He added, ruffling the little girl's hair a bit and she leaned into the touch with a smile on her face.

" Afternoon , Kaeya, it's 1 P.M.," Albedo said softly, fixing Kaeya’s eyepatch while he spoke so that it was doing its job of covering his injured eye. He audibly groaned when hearing the time, 1 P.M? Kaeya was sure he hadn't slept for that long, he felt too horrible for it to be so late. "You were meant to watch Klee today, yes? She's been restless to see you and I have to head up to Dragonspine for some research." Albedo tilted his head a bit, concern seeping into his voice. It was the man's way of asking if Kaeya was alright, he knew that leaving Klee with him would keep Kaeya occupied enough to take care of himself.  

The Captain nodded once, "I'll be alright Albedo. I'll still gladly take care of our spark knight," he forced a smile, glancing back at the expectant child. "You're awfully quiet today aren't you, little knight?" Kaeya cheered, kneeling to meet her height and she grinned until her eyes were tightly shut.

"Big brother Albedo said if I'm good then you would take me to explore!! I wanna learn like big brother does when he goes out on adventures!" Kaeya looked back up for Albedo, not believing her words and he only shrugged in return. 'Adventuring' would be dangerous and he doubted the alchemist would like it if Klee got into any sort of trouble.

"You’re sure that's what you wanna do? We don't know what we could run into, I wouldn't want you getting hurt." He knew it would be near impossible to convince the little girl if her mind was already made-up, she reminded Kaeya of young Diluc with how stubborn she is. Though, unlike Diluc, he hopes Klee will grow out of it.

"Pleasee! Big brother Albedo said it was okay—" 

Albedo cut her off with a playful ‘tsk’ sound, "Only because you were so persistent. I figured it would be alright for a little while." Kaeyas headache was getting worse with each word and he really just wanted to get this conversation over with, he could barely make sense of what either of them were saying.

He stood back up and put his head on the alchemist's shoulder. "Mhmn, I'll take her out to the ruins that the knights have already scouted, it should be safe." Albedo brought a hand up to Kaeyas blue hair, running his fingers through the strands slowly.

"Take it easy, alright? Eat something before you leave and be careful. It’ll be on your head if she gets hurt, Cavalry Captain." The Alchemist spoke next to Kaeyas' ear, and he smiled. The demand to eat was directed mostly towards Kaeya and not as much to Klee who was watching the two of them notably.

"Alright alright, give me a second and we'll get going, okay Klee?" He said, looking up from the shoulder and ruffling her hair again.

If Kaeya could, he would have stopped by Lisa's office to grab some Calla Lily Tea for his hangover, it has practically become a habit by now to go there almost every morning: start up a conversation, downplay his worries, and chat with her over tea about the most useless of things. Though he could handle a day without any, he still felt irresponsible for drinking the night before taking care of Klee. His habits may be repetitive, but never does he wish to disturb or put anyone in danger over his own self-destructive behavior.

He sighed, taking her hand from Albedo’s "You ready, Klee? I'll take a few fruity skewers in case you get hungry." 

"Then I'll be leaving, be good for me, okay Klee? Don't give big brother Kaeya too much trouble," Albedo fixed his gaze on the man, nodding before turning around swiftly and leaving. 

"You heard him, you'll be nice to me today. No fish blasting." Kaeya said, turning his attention to the spark knight.

"Awhh! Okayy, but only for today, next time we won't go on a big adventure then we'll go for fish blasting! It'll be fun, I promise!" Klee chimed, and the man smiled at her. It was nice when she was excited, seeing her happy always put Kaeya in good spirits. He wanted to be able to protect her for as long as he could and keep the bond they have now.

The two of them took their leave fairly quickly, they walked around until eventually they were at the outskirts of the Thousand Winds Temple where a few of the knights had been sent out to do some scouting just a few days ago. They had cleared the area of a ruin guard so Kaeya was sure it'd be safe for them to walk around for a bit.

On their way, Klee had picked up a few ores or flowers she liked and Kaeya now kept them safe in his pockets for her.

Unconsciously, his mind wandered back to the thoughts on his mind of last night. The thought of Diluc made Kaeya reminisce, which he voiced mindlessly to Klee who walked beside him.

"Remember Mr.Diluc? I’ve mentioned him a few times. Tall, redheaded, grumpy, a little bit of a headache? He was the complete opposite as a child. Just like you, he loved playing in nature. You two share a curiosity in that sense, it’s quite sweet." Kaeya started, zoning out as he walked, not aware of his surroundings until he stopped hearing little footsteps next to him. 

"Klee..?" He turned around to see the girl on her knees next to a pile of scraps left over from a camp. Kaeya quickly walked over to her and pulled her hands off of the empty fabric bags.

"What’s this?" The girl asked eagerly, proving Kaeya’s point further. “Big brother Kaeya, you’ve got that look on your face that you make when you’re thinking really hard."

This is from a Fatui camp. Fatui agents? Here? But why? Kaeya couldn't take any risks, he couldn't let Klee get hurt. 

The slight panic was unlike him, someone so usually calm and quick to think. "Klee, you see that rock over there?" He pointed to a rock a few feet away, it would be just tall enough to hide her small body. "Go over there and stay quiet, I'm gonna make sure there are no bad guys here. If anything happens—“

"I have my bombs! I'll be okay, big brother Kaeya!" She quickly took off before Kaeya could finish, skipping to the rock and ducking behind it. Once he could no longer see her, Kaeya got up and summoned his sword. He snuck his way around a few pillars, looking for any more traces of Fatui agents but other than a few burnt Insignia.

"My oh my, the Captain of the Favonius Calvary?" Kaeya spun around and held his sword up to the Pyro Agent who immediately started swirling blades around itself in response.

"You must feel honored." Kaeya spat at the agent, his grip tightening on the sword and he put his full strength into standing up straight without stumbling. "Is this necessary?" He added, trying to work his way around the situation and get some answers instead of risking Klee’s safety.

It looked almost taken aback, "You can't be serious. I would never pass up on such a rare opportunity with the Captain." The Pyro Agent dashed towards Kaeya, he backed up out of the way and the agent stopped just before running into a wall, swerving around to glare at Kaeya again.

He barely had seconds to think and his mind was starting to blur again, but Kaeya was used to working against himself. He flashed behind the agent, digging his blade into its side just a second too late and the Agent was able to disappear out of harm's way once again.

The agent chuckled menacingly. Kaeya's migraine drummed in his head harder and he tripped back a few steps but caught himself before falling. The Pyro Agent seemed to pick up on his slip-up, the threatening edges of a grin becoming visible through the holes in his mask. "Perfect . " It snarled.

Kaeya took a deep breath to try and give himself more control, it helped just enough for him to be able to swing at the Agent again. His sword hit the Agent's blades once, then twice, and then one more time. 

"Stars, just stand still!" Kaeya cursed, finally using his vision to apply Glacial Waltz, the sharp icicles circling him were finally able to hit the Agent, it let out a cry of pain and backed up a foot or two. 

But it didn't last long, the ice in Kaeyas chest turned into fucking frostbite. Kaeya gagged, covering his mouth with his hand. The ice around him slowly dissipated and his breathing began to quicken.

"That's pathetic, even for you." The Pyro Agent dashed toward Kaeya, picked him up by his hair, and pushed him up against a wall.

The frost began to melt but Kaeya still couldn't feel his fingers, he had been avoiding using his vision for so long that his tipping point was horrible. 

"Can’t even look me in the eyes?" It took Kaeya a moment to understand what the Agent was doing, he blinked a few times and it had come closer now, next to his ear. He tried to move away but just ended up squirming under the Agent uncomfortably.

He couldn’t focus properly through the ache in his mind and the searing pain of ice that surged through him with each breath. "Get off me." Kaeya managed, more vulnerable than he had intended. 

"You're going to need to speak up." The Pyro Agent said, almost happily. It inched closer, breathing onto Kaeya's neck very deliberately. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep from yelling or letting out full-blown sobs.

"Why are you—“ Kaeya said under his breath shakily.

"What was that?" The agent brought its mouth back up to his ear, "Why? I'm not sure, perhaps just for fun." 

Kaeya barely had a moment to register the point of a blade against his side before it pierced through his skin without mercy. Pain shot through his stomach, trailing up to his chest. He let out a breathless sob, his vision blurred a bit and he felt as if he was going to vomit. 

The Agent gripped the blade’s handle tighter, heating it before twisting it in Kaeyas' side again. His vision went black, white spots flickering across his sight. His body felt like it was on fire, worse than the frostbite. A pained cry was ripped from his throat, and the Pyro Agent finally pulled away, leaving the knife inside of Kaeya who slid down the old crumbling wall immediately; not being able to keep his weight up.

He heard small footsteps coming from outside, followed by giggles and the sound of backpack charms.

Klee.

"That's my cue. I'll be taking my leave, 'Cap. Enjoy yourself, I had fun, truly, I did." Kaeya tried to do something, maybe get some information out of this at least but he couldn't say a word.

The Pyro Agent disappeared just as quickly as he appeared, leaving without a trace. Other than, of course, the bleeding man he had left.

Kaeya began to cough with just how much he was already struggling to breathe.

"Big brother! I got bored so I came to find…you—" The little girl stopped in her tracks, staring at Kaeya who was sitting with a knife in his side, even if she hadn't noticed the knife she couldn't have missed the pool of blood he was in.

"Klee, s..stay there, don't—" He wasn't able to finish before the spark knight was already rushing over towards him with giant tears welling up in her eyes. Klee put her hands on Kaeya's, accidentally pushing down on the knife and he winced in pain.

Kaeya gasped with pain, "Klee! I..I'm fine, please dear, just don't touch me." He tried as best as he could to remain gentle for the poor girl. She looked up and stared at Kaeya, a blank expression on her face as tears poured. "No, no. Don't cry, I'm gonna be fine.."

"No! Big brother K...Kaeya said to never hide when you're hurt!" His face fell with sympathy, and he nodded, rubbing her tears with his trembling hands.

"I know Klee, I know. Just help me up, okay?" Kaeya tried to look as alright as he could for the Spark Knight, doing his best to make sure she didn't worry but every time he saw his blood on that poor little girl's hands he felt sick to his stomach and faltered just as quickly.

Klee stood up and rubbed her nose with her sleeve before handing out her hand. Kaeya took her hand slowly and used all the strength he had left to stand up and not fall back over. Now they just had to make it back to the city, all in one piece.

Chapter 3: A Truthful Lie

Notes:

TW‼️ Brief suicidal ideation‼️
IM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOOK SOO LONG I WAS REALLY UNMOTIVATED

Kaeya held Klee's shoulder tightly, slumping over a bit and holding the knife in his side so that it wouldn't move, the only reason he hadn't pulled the hot blade out of his stomach yet was that he didn't want to bleed out of the wound, especially not with poor Klee there. She had been silent the entire time, Kaeya could feel that she was holding her breath and then letting it out, he knew why, she was so anxious and scared that she forgot normal functions, it would happen when he had flashbacks of his burning nation as a kid. But those are memories he'd rather keep locked away behind a door that nobody knows how to open.

The sun began to set and Kaeya knew they were no longer near the Thousand Winds Temple, yet he still couldn't figure out where exactly they were through the haze of pain in his head. But he trusted that Klee knew a way since she was so used to exploring this area of Mondstadt, and he was pretty sure they were following a path, at least that's what he could discern.

Kaeya could feel how badly his legs were starting to tremble, and he was sure Klee could too. His grip on her shoulder slowly began loosening as he ran out of energy to keep walking, losing hold of Klee made Kaeya fall behind a few steps, his legs finally gave out and he fell to his knees with a groan of pain. 

"Klee..." Kaeya struggled, trying to get up again hastily because the poor kid still hadn't noticed that he had fallen a few steps back, but his legs buckled again despite his greatest efforts. Kaeya could no longer manage the pain like he had the whole time like he had done his entire life. It hurt, and he didn't know why. He's the Cavalry Captain for Star's sake, this stab wound was just another weekday for him so why did it ache so damn much, to the point where he couldn't move, couldn't think.

Through his blurred vision, Kaeya saw little feet rushing toward him. He tried to say something, get out a few words of reassurance for Klee, tell her not to worry about him, and just leave. Oh, how nice that would be. If he no longer had to deal with everyone around him, he found the idea of giving in so appealing.

Kaeya craved it at this moment, what a relief that would be for him. But Kaeya couldn't just give in, no, the Gods who hated his blood would not allow him that mercy so soon. Instead, his thoughts faded slowly and his eyes shut, a few muffled yells rang in Kaeya's ears before finally, he left himself fall to the ground and his vision went black.

 

---

When Kaeya awoke, it was to the familiarity of a certain room, one he had memorized each crack and crevice of before he could speak the Mondstadt language properly. For a moment, he wondered if he had already passed. Maybe this was the afterlife for him, though he could have easily mistaken it for something akin to hellish. The thought immediately faded when he heard another voice,

"Kaeya," he quickly looked up, almost audibly sighing at the sight of the person who called his name, it wasn't hard to distinguish the wine tycoon's fiery red hair.

The visual representation of him being weak and vulnerable, or in a state like this at all in front of the man made him almost nauseous. So he tried his best to sit up, only to be met with a pain right through his side, and slid back down in defeat. "Master Diluc," He spoke, the sound of his raspy voice made Kaeya cringe, he found it was much harder to fake 'okay' when your body was actively working against you.

Diluc seemed to be disgusted by the title, knowing it was Kaeya's way of emphasizing the line between them. The sarcasm dripping from the Captain's tongue dissolved any sense of rationale Diluc had before speaking.

"Is there a reason as to why you must end up in situations such as these?  And of course, you must bring others- no, children down along with you?" The redhead furrowed his eyebrows more, his expression less than forgiving.

Fighting against fatigue, Kaeya brought a hide to his heart and tried not to wince at the soreness in every inch of him.

"Come now Master Diluc, I'm injured. Could you not be so thoughtful as to spare me the lecture?" The thought of that night at the Tavern crossed his mind again ever so briefly, but he forced it down just as fast. It's easier on them both knowing Diluc doesn't care.

Diluc scoffed, clearly unamused by Kaeya's deflection, "It does not come as a shock to me that the knights are unreliable, though this might be a new level of incompetence that I have been graced with from you. Why you would take on a Fatui Agent in such an exposed position, with Klee, might I add, is beyond me." Throughout this entire interaction, Diluc seemed keen on not meeting eyes with Kaeya. And now, his sudden knowledge of something the man had not yet mentioned was causing Kaeya's suspicion to grow.

Without hesitating, he pushed Diluc about it, "Might I ask how you knew that detail? Klee couldn't have told you, she hadn't seen him. The knife was just a plain old dagger, for all you know it could have been a treasure hoarder attack. You should work on your deceptive skills, Master Diluc." Despite every bone in his body screaming at him, Kaeya sat up slowly and let his back rest against the headboard.

Diluc swallowed dry, he stood up and taller and crossed his arms as if trying to prove his worthiness through his posture. "I know enough to make an educated guess," Almost as an afterthought he added, "And your wound had burns, like a bad attempt at cauterization." 

"Right, did you just come to that conclusion? I would love to know why I was personally targeted by a Fatui Agent if you'd be so kind." The redhead's expression turned into frustration, but Kaeya had to get him talking one way or another. Arguing with Diluc was still something he dreaded, but he was good at pretending like this was fine.

"Sir Diluc knew about the Fatui near the Temple, he had been tracking them down for quite some time," Adenlinde started, walking into the room with a tray of tea. Kaeya's face softened in the slightest upon seeing her.

"Adelinde," Diluc cut her off, sounding almost like a whining child. She shot a look at him in response as she set down the tray on the bedside table.

She turned ever so elegantly before going on, "Let me finish. The poor thing deserves to know," She said, glancing at Kaeya before tearing her gaze away. "I suppose one Agent had managed to slip from under his nose. And in an act of revenge, they must have gone after the only connection they could find to Diluc. The records of the winery and history of its residents are quite public, and not too difficult to get a hold of." She stated it all like it was simple, living with detail-oriented tycoons for most of her life must be rubbing off on her.

Kaeya's questions were answered, but he couldn't help but chuckle at the idea. "I'm sure he would be sad to hear that his attempt was in vain. There are plenty of other things our dearest Diluc would care for." 

Diluc's gaze hardened on Kaeya, "Is that to imply I do not care for your wellbeing?"

"Quite so. Unless you have evidence to prove otherwise?" Kaeya snapped back quickly.

Before the wine tycoon could reply, Adelinde cut their conversation short. "Both of you, please. Now is not appropriate for your bickering." She sighed.

Kaeya found comfort in knowing that she still treated the two of them like the kids they were years ago. Even if things were far different now.

She again looked the Captain's way, "Kaeya dear, how are you feeling?" She sat beside him on the bed with her legs crossed politely, before Kaeya dared to speak he looked back up at Diluc, who was irritated, to say the least.

Adelinde was easy to notice Kaeya's uncomfortable gaze. She gestured gently for Diluc to leave, but neither of them argued. When he left, an uneasy feeling was lifted from Kaeya's shoulders.

"How bad does it hurt now?" Adelinde spoke softly, it reminded Kaeya of how she talked to him when he was sad as a kid.

"No need to baby me Adelinde. I appreciate it, but really, I will heal." She shot him a worried look, almost pained. Kaeya's heart dropped, and his mind ran with thoughts of Diluc outing his secret, of the woman who helped raise him finding out that he was from a land destroyed by the very Archon she worshipped.

He wanted to ask what was bothering her, he had to. He hated not knowing things, you need to know the whole truth before you can lie your way out of it. But Kaeya's mouth was practically glued shut, he was too afraid of what it could be. He hid his trembling hands under the blanket and watched Adelnde carefully.

"I apologize for him, but you know how he is. Undeniably grumpy but more so when he isn't sure how to handle the emotions he's feeling." 

That look in her eyes is still there.

Kaeya tried to understand what she was implying, but it seemed to fly right over his head.

She sighed, putting a hand on Kaeya's leg over the blanket.

"I feel that he blames himself for what's happened, which is...complicated for him."

"Ah, complicated. I assure you, I do not believe he feels any sort of guilt. Things like this are inevitable in my line of work, and he knows that as well. Lest Diluc worries himself with how I'm getting by." It was almost unthinkable to him; that Diluc would care for him let alone regret something. A quality Kaeya was sure Diluc was incapable of having.

But Adelinde was not satisfied with the answer, because, unlike Kaeya, she saw Diluc through a much more vulnerable lens. 

"You cannot know that. You mustn't tell him, but he was up all hours of the night after we found you, simply pacing. I feel that is a clear distinction of his worry. I do not appreciate this notion you have that he does not and could not care for you." 

The more she spoke, the more stressed she sounded. Kaeya's face fell with sympathy, he hated watching how the two of their concerns affected her so much. He figured it was better to let her think that way, even if he didn't. 

He smiled at her and placed his hand on hers, "Alright, alright. You must know that a lot has changed between us over the years and it's...difficult to explain. But I'll try my best to talk to him, alright?" He declared with such confidence, almost as if it were true.

Even if it weren't, Adelinde seemed to believe him and squeezed his hand ever so slightly. He winced at the pressure for no good reason, making Adelinde gasp and pull her hand away.

Before the wave of apologies, Kaeya spoke up to assure her, "Nono, I'm alright. I just wasn't expecting it but I really do adore how kind you are to me, Adelinde. Now if my eyes don't deceive me, it's night out and I wouldn't want to keep you from getting some rest."

Adelinde looked at him sympathetically, her eyes were pleading for him to let her stay but in all honesty, Kaeya would rather be entirely alone right now in this room and empty his thoughts into it. Maybe he could find some wine, he was in a winery after all.

"Go ahead, thank you for everything but we both just need some rest.” Kaeya pulled his arm away, hiding it again out of sight.

She smiled, "Alright then, you know where my bedroom is I presume? Please, if anything, call me or Master Diluc.” 

He nodded, watching as the woman stood up, “Of course Adelinde.” 

She straightened out her skirt and walked right for the door, feeling that if she turned back around she wouldn't be able to stop herself from bringing Kaeya into a tight embrace. Once there, she whispered a goodnight before shutting the lights and leaving the room.

Now that Kaeya was alone, he didn’t know what to do. In a bit, he’d have to go down and find some wine, which should be fine. Kaeya used to live here, taking a few bottles from the pantry wouldn’t hurt anyone, except for maybe himself. But Diluc wouldn’t care, he didn’t even drink wine.

For now, he laid back down and tried to turn over, which wasn’t quite in his favor. Kaeya forgot which side he had been stabbed in, and tried to lie where it was. He flinched, jolting up, gritting his teeth against the pain in his head and body.

”Damnit..” He muttered to nobody in particular, still trying to get over the pain in his side.

Eventually, Kaeya got up despite how much his entire body ached. He stood there beside the bed for a second to gather his strength. He used the wall as support until the ring in his ears ceased. Somewhere in his chest, he could feel the cold, as long as it was at bay, Kaeya would be fine. 

Just stay calm.

Is what he told himself, but with a stab wound, splitting headache, and craving for wine, on top of slowly dying, doing that took much more energy than he’d hoped.

Kaeya was still very good at acting alright, he didn’t even have to think about it too much, and not thinking felt so good. This was fine, Kaeya was fine, no love lost for him and that’s fine.

He was perfectly fine. 

Notes:

Guys I had fun

Chapter 4: Somewhere in those eyes

Summary:

Drunken nights are painfully soothing.

Notes:

HUSH UP I KNOW THIS IS REALLY LATE

Kaeya tried his best to walk properly, even though he was still swaying a bit, the task wasn't too difficult. The jabbing pain wasn't at all gone but the fog in his head was enough to mask the ache enough for him to function. Once Kaeya made it to the doorway, which seemed to have taken forever, he hesitated. The comfort of his childhood bedroom was hard to leave, he wanted to stay and never have to leave ever again. But Kaeya's migraine and the shallow cold in his chest were begging him to drink until he could no longer think or feel.

He slowly made his way down the stairs, barely even realizing it before he was in the kitchen and he went straight for the top right cabinets, where Crepus had always kept the alcohol in the house. As kids, he and Diluc were never able to reach it but Kaeya was just tall enough when he turned 17, he isn't very proud of the nights when he had a glass without anyone knowing. But now, it's fine, because he's an adult now. He can handle himself, getting drunk is normal for someone his age, and hell, who wouldn't pass out drunk on bad nights?

Kaeya pulled his hands back for a moment and rubbed his eyes, being in his own skin was exhausting. He grabbed one bottle, then another, and one more. He probably wasn't going to finish the third one, he knew that, but maybe he would want it later. He uncorked the bottle of..whatever it was and held it to his mouth while walking to the couch outside. It was okay, but Kaeya didn't really care about the taste, he was just chugging. 

The pure relief he felt after the first few gulps was nauseating, and he stumbled back, falling onto the couch. Kaeya laid his head back for a moment, letting the bottle hang off the edge. Maybe he would have that third bottle.

✦✦✦✦

Diluc couldn't sleep, he felt sick to his stomach. He'd been avoiding Kaeya since he woke up, which was an asshole thing to do and he knew that but facing his ex-brother was something he dreaded.

"Damnit..” He muttered to himself. Diluc forced himself out of bed, he grabbed a hair tie and tried his best not to trip in the dark. 

He was heading for the stairs at first to sit by Kaeya, but the kitchen light was on. He hadn't heard anyone break in, and Adelinde had said goodnight ages ago. Diluc turned back, stepping off the stairs and looking closer. To his surprise, there was Kaeya, lying in a pool of red on the floor. His heart dropped down to his stomach, for a moment Diluc couldn't move his legs in shock, but as soon as he came back to his senses, the man sprinted towards Kaeya.

"Kaeya!" Diluc dropped to a knee next to him, looking a bit closer he realized that the red wasn't blood, it was wine. He scoffed, pinching the bridge of his nose in disappointment. He picked up the spilled bottle off of the floor and set it on the table, he hoisted Kaeya up against a wall to check his stab wound. 

"Archon’s Kaeya…" Diluc was starting to question why he left Kaeya alone at all, now he had drunken himself to near alcohol poisoning and re-opened his stitches. He zoned out thinking about how much it pained him to see Kaeya like this, things were just too complicated between them now, and fixing it all would take time, and Diluc wasn't so sure he was ready to be a part of his little brother's life again. Diluc cleared his throat, quickly getting back to what he was doing to avoid thinking about it. 

Carefully, he unwrapped the bandages around Kaeya's waist, he hissed through his teeth seeing how bad the wound had gotten. His blood had become so thin due to the alcohol that Diluc wasn't entirely sure if we could stop the bleeding by just bandaging him again. A small whimper came from Kaeya as his eyes slowly opened, the redhead immediately shot up, his gaze locked on the other.

✦✦✦✦

Kaeya opened his eyes carefully, only to close them quicker than he could think. The throbbing in his head and behind his eyes was almost completely unbearable, it felt like someone to a hammer to his head. Maybe someone had actually done that, but Kaeya couldn't remember a thing, not how he got on the floor or why he felt so disgusting. He tried to open his eyes again, squinting harshly but it was just enough for him to see a bit. 

He grumbled something, still trying to make sense of what was around him. He could feel that someone else was there, but the room was still spinning too violently and Kaeya had to close his eyes before wrapping his head around who it was.

Kaeya was confused and afraid, two feelings that he hated, he had gotten so used to always knowing everything and being able to make quick decisions that he was rarely ever afraid. Plus, he lies so much about being perfectly fine that he eventually convinced himself that he really is okay; that nothing is wrong. But now, Kaeya barely knew where he was. Like a little kid, he tried to curl up and scrunch his knees to his chin, but he found himself stuck in one position. His heart was racing, he wanted to move, why was everything hurting so much, who was calling to him, and how the hell did he even get on the floor-

"Kae!" The name rang in Kaeya's ears, it was obvious who was next to him now; Diluc. But why? He shouldn't be here, not anymore, and he sure as hell shouldn't be calling anyone Kae. He blinked a few times, trying his hardest to see clearly. The redhead sat in front of him with one arm out, looking a bit frantic. Kaeya glanced behind him, and a few empty bottles of wine sat on the table, he knew what that probably meant. In Diluc's free hand, he held a flame, it was dark and the man was most likely just using it to see but even just the thought of fire caused Kaeya to squirm uncomfortably which made it very hard to think logically at that moment.

"Please, you're bleeding, stop moving around so that I can just help." Diluc came closer, trying to reach for the other but Kaeya couldn't calm down. His heart was pounding so loud, he could hear it in his own ears. Flashbacks of how horrible fire had been to him flooded the man's head and he was gonna throw up if he hadn't already.

"No! Don't touch me!” He struggled hopelessly, tears poured from his eyes and he didn't even know why, he never knew and that's exactly why he hated crying; because he hated not knowing things.

Kaeya kept kicking at Diluc, pushing at him without even opening his eyes to see what was happening. He wanted out of this more than anything, but Diluc had always liked pulling at loose strings.

"Kaeya, hey, open your eyes at least. Just look at me." His voice was soft like a feather and genuine, a very different tone than usual for Diluc. Recently, Kaeya had been revolted by this exact thing, but something about it now was so welcoming that he couldn't help but give in. He hesitated a bit before opening his eyes, the room was dark, and that flame was gone. Good. 

Diluc sighed, "See, no more fire, okay? I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise but I need you to sit still and trust me for a bit. You're bleeding pretty bad, I'll only do what I need to do and then I can leave if you would prefer. I only want to help."

Kaeya dug his nails into his shaking palms, a bad habit, sure, but it helped more than the deep breaths. He didn't blame Diluc for just assuming that it would calm him down though, it did when they were kids. Steadily, the Captain began to calm down, the anxiety he felt was still there but thinking now was much easier. It passed quite quickly though, and suddenly he felt extreme pain in his side. Kaeya winced, curling in on himself, and a few tears welled up in his eyes again as the pain got worse and worse.

He whined, and the ringing started again in his ears. Kaeya pressed his nails even deeper, the sting from that was nowhere near the pain from the stab wound but it gave him something to focus on, at the same he also had to remember to breathe which was somehow becoming more difficult. 

"I turned the light on to see, it might make your head hurt so don't open your eyes again until I turn it off." He gave Diluc a small nod in return, it was a dumb thing of him to say because there was no way that Kaeya would be opening his eyes anytime soon. He could feel the redhead slowly move his arm off the wound and lift his shirt a bit, the air around him was cold, and the feeling of the cool air on his wound was soothing.

Kaeya took a deep breath before Diluc did anything, just to prepare himself if it did hurt. He believed that he'd already caused enough ruckus in the winery and pained screams while being bandaged isn't something he'd like to add to that. The pain wasn't too bad, it helped not to look at what the redhead was actually doing, but the ache was still there. Kaeya leaned his head back against the wall, sighing a bit.

"What..happened?" He asked, the sound of his own voice made him wince. His throat was dry and sounded as if he has been sick for days, which was fine for now. He would just have to avoid talking a lot until tomorrow.

“Based on what I see, you must have passed out drunk. You’ve thinned your blood, so I'll need you to sober up soon." Kaeya had figured as much, but stars he hated knowing that Diluc of all people is taking care of him like this.

Not wanting to sit in silence, Kaeya filled the air with questions, "How did I get to the Winery? Where's Klee?" Diluc let out a breath that he seemed to have been holding for quite a while and moved away from the wound. 

"Well," he got up, walked to the table, and poured a glass of water before sitting back down next to Kaeya, handing him the glass of water and then continuing. "Klee had come to the door, desperately explaining how you had been hurt. We followed her to the Statue of Seven in Springvale where you were, passed out. I carried you back and Adelinde took care of you while I brought Klee back to the city, I informed the Acting Grand Master and also Captain Albedo what Klee had told me. Albedo seemed really worried or angry. I couldn't quite tell."

Kaeya felt horrible, this wasn't fair to any of them. The people in Mondstat shouldn't be concerned about him like this, nor should Adelinde, he didn't know if he could say that Diluc was worried about him. That's probably a stretch.

"I'm gonna refill that jug, and I turned off the light so you can open your eyes. Finish that glass of water then I'll get you some more." Kaeya made a small but reassuring enough noise and Diluc took his leave.

Kaeya took a small sip of the water, the feeling of cold water in his already empty stomach made him gag, but he was sure that there was no way he'd have the energy to throw up now. His head was so empty, with no thoughts, no feelings, other than pain maybe but his mind was still too fogged to think straight.

Statue of the Seven, hm?

He thought that it was probably why it was so hard to stay awake during the walk and also why he was so cold. So damn cold. Come to think of it, he was pretty cold now, it was weird because he didn't remember being like this earlier. He was a Cryo user, being cold is one thing that shouldn't be happening to him. Kaeya brought the glass to his lips to take another sip, his skin stuck to the cup for a second and he had to pull it off forcefully. His head began throbbing even worse, and he groaned in discomfort. 

The cold was sickening, and he knew exactly where it was coming from; the ice in his chest. He didn't want to have to deal with this now, that isn't fair, not everything that he's been through. He shouldn't have to put up with this for stars' sake! But he had to, didn't he? Kaeya was destined for this, whether he likes it or not, the only reason he feels like this is that he's Khaeri'ahn. Because he is their last hope, and somehow he fucked up enough to be given a vision. What a joke, the Archons must have decided to do it out of spite, there really couldn't have been any other reason. He hated this, all of it. Maybe not Klee or Albedo, not Adelinde either, what he did hate is that he didn't deserve them.

"Cold.." Kaeya mumbled aimlessly, his fingers slowly freezing onto the cup of water that was only halfway finished. He could hear footsteps coming from the kitchen, his ex-brother was back. How comforting.

"Kaeya, you're trembling, are you alright?" Diluc set the water jug down on the floor, then kneeled down in front of Kaeya, looking at him confused. 

" 'M Shivering." The redhead's eyebrows furrowed even more. He took a moment to think before reaching a hand up to Kaeya's forehead.

Immediately, his eyes widened he snapped his hand back. “You're freezing!" He stared, Kaeya wasn't too sure why, but he couldn't respond if that's what he was waiting for. He knew his throat was too fucked up to give a proper response, so he didn't even try. Eventually, Diluc got up, he quickly went over to the fireplace a used his vision to set the wood ablaze. The other watched tentatively with half-lidded eyes as he grabbed a few blankets as well.

"Do you think you can move?" He asked, wrapping the blankets around Kaeya, to which he shook his head. 

"That's fine, you're close enough to fire already." The Captain shut his eyes and buried himself in the heat of the fire, it wasn't helping much against the intense frostbite of Abyssal ice but it was doing something. He felt Diluc's hand come up to his forehead again after a while, it lingered there for a few seconds.

"Goddamnit Kaeya, is your vision on you?" He shrugged, he wasn't completely sure but it probably wasn't. Kaeya didn't exactly want that thing on him. The redhead didn't seem to understand the shrug though, or he might have just not noticed, to be fair, the movement was very slight. Diluc searched for the orb on him but didn't find what he was looking for. Unfortunately for Kaeya, he did seem to notice the bitterly cold spot over his heart.

"Is this why you're so cold? Uh..is it a Khaenri'ah thing?" He didn't respond, but the sheer desperation in Diluc's voice made him feel so bad for not being able to give him a proper response.

Suddenly, Kaeya's hair stood up on the back of his neck and goosebumps ran down his arms. There was a hand over his heart, a hot one, but it didn't help at all. 

"What're you doing—" Kaeya muttered, instead of the heat melting the ice, the two fought against each other. It felt like an intense pressure on his chest, and Archons was it painful.

He gasped, and panicked trying to explain to Diluc that he needed to move. “Stop— Diluc, please.” He begged, and Diluc's hand pulled away. The ache went away, but the frostbite was still there, and it probably would be for a while. Kaeya wasn't going to complain, he didn't want to and he sure as hell didn't have the strength to. He felt like he was dying but..maybe that's a good thing. Then he wouldn't have to deal with all this, which is precisely what he wanted, just a bit of peace for a once. A break, just for a bit, and then he'd go back to doing whatever it was he was supposed to be doing in Mondstat. He wasn't even totally sure anymore. It's not like he's actually welcome here, the only reason he still is is that he's just a good liar. 

"Can I..hold you?" The request shocked Kaeya, and he reacted with a surprised 'huh?' without meaning to.

"You're turning blue in front of me, and I'm a walking furnace so please just let me hug you until you're warm enough." Kaeya opened his eyes, hesitating a little. Diluc looked so tired, and the concern on his face was hard to bare. The redhead's eyes darted around the room, waiting patiently for a response, he seemed pretty uncertain about this whole situation, but Diluc had never been the type to hug people anyway so this was weird for him.

"'kay." He shut his eyes again, and so he didn't get to see the redhead's reaction to his agreement. 

Awkwardly, Diluc put his arms around Kaeya, pulling him closer as he adjusted the blanket so that it was over both of them. His touch was light, but at the same time so protective, and Kaeya felt oddly safe in his brother's embrace. It reminded him of the days before Crepus's passing, how they would sit on the floor and listen to stories huddled together just like this. Kaeya leaned into the feeling, burying his face into Diluc's shoulder, and in response, he gently rubbed circles along the man's back. He knew that later he'd have to explain everything, about the cold and his Abyssal power, and that after this they still wouldn't ever be the same as they were before but Kaeya couldn't care less, this felt nice and he didn't want to think up lies right now. He could improvise later, it would be fine. In the back of his head, he hated that he was being so vulnerable, but when had Kaeya ever listened to himself before? He wasn't going to start doing it now.

Maybe he was crying still, he couldn't quite tell but it didn't take long before he was back asleep. Thank Archons for that because Kaeya has desperately needed some rest.

 

Notes:

How does one write Diluc

Chapter 5: Pieces

Summary:

Ooo they’re spilling secrets

Notes:

If you talk about my posting schedule i’ll cry

Kaeya groaned as he woke up, looking around. He was in his old room again, not downstairs. He assumed Diluc brought him up after cooling down enough. He rubbed a sore spot on his neck; that's what he gets for uncomfortably sleeping. Slowly he threw the blanket off himself, he didn't want to get up but might as well do it while he was still too tired to feel the hangover. A small knock came on the door just as he got up and tensed up a bit.

"Kaeya dear, it's Adenlinde, are you awake yet?" She asked, cracking the door a bit. Kaeya relaxed, thankful it wasn't Diluc...he just didn't want to deal with that at the moment. "Ah good! Breakfast is just about ready so take a quick shower and come down. Be careful of your wound, I'll leave some coffee here for you. I'm guessing you'll need it." She set down the tray of coffee on the small table, just as sweet as ever.

"Thank you Adelinde, next time don't go through all that trouble for me, okay? I'm just fine." Kaeya gave her a tired smile, it wasn't very convincing and he could tell she wasn't reassured but it was okay for now. Adelinde didn't say anything more, she simply hummed and left.

Kaeya's face immediately fell into his hands, Archons was he tired. He groaned, convincing himself that a shower would help his migraine so he dragged himself to the bathroom, against his own will really; he didn't want to have to look presentable. He didn't want to look at himself. Kaeyas head still felt fuzzy, he was hungry too, the quicker he finished up in the shower, the faster he'll make it downstairs for breakfast.

Kaeya was careful to avoid his wounds as Adelinde told him to, he felt disgusting seeing how dirty his hair was and how frail he looked. It'd been a while since Kaeya had genuinely taken care of himself, sure he was eating but he'd definitely had more wine than solid food the past few days. Not to mention how beat up he was, it's hard to find a reason to fight back when you know you're already dying.

He hated how true it was that he let himself go, but..he wasn't going to do anything about it. Somehow Kaeya had silently decided he wasn't worth the trouble.

 

---

Breakfast was muted, Diluc wasn't home, either that or he wasn't awake. Either way, Kaeya didn't mind, avoiding conversation with the winery owner wasn't something new, to be honest. Despite all the nagging Kaeya did to Diluc, holding a conversation for too long hurt. Something in him genuinely ached when on the rare occasion that happened.

"Sir Kaeya? You have visitors from the city." Kaeya was caught off guard for a moment, a bit shaken out of his thoughts but the girl was simply Hillie. He took a breath and stood up from his chair at the table, smiling at the maid.

"Thank you, Hillie. Any idea as to who they might be?" He asked curiously,

"The alchemist I believe," Sucrose? He thought. "And a sweet little girl; could be the man's sister."

"Ah, Albedo and Klee. And where are they, if you don't mind?" Before Hillie could answer, a pair of arms wrapped tightly around Kaeya's legs from behind. He chuckled looking down at smiling Klee.

"There you are Klee, where's Bedo?"

"Right here Kaeya." He turned around, and there Albedo was. His face lit up when he saw the Alchemist, a secret they might be but at the end of the day, he was Kaeya's lover. And exactly what he needed right now.

He picked Klee up into his arms and mouthed a thank you to Hillie, she nodded and turned to leave.

"Brother! I was so worried about you. I thought you...I thought-" Her voice cracked and Kaeya immediately hugged her closer, he felt horrible for making the poor girl feel like that.

"Oh don't cry Klee, please. I'm okay, see? I just needed some rest." He gave her a kiss on the forehead, setting her down and whispering another "I'm okay." Before turning his attention back to Albedo.

"Happy to see me?" Kaeya chimed to the blonde,

"In one piece, yes." Albedo retorted. Kaeya looked at him, a blank look on his face. After a moment of hesitation, Albedo jumped to hug Kaeya, he returned the hug, rubbing his lover's back sympathetically.

"I was really worried too...I'm glad they were able to take care of you. But I know you're not okay Kaeya."

The Captain’s brows furrowed, "Bedo stop that, I'm alright." He turned his eyes away from the alchemist; unable to look into his eyes when lying, which Kaeya knew was a dead giveaway but he didn't want the words "I'm not alright" to leave his mouth.

"Pleass don’t try. We have to talk." Kaeya's heart dropped to his stomach at those words, he wanted to say something but it was as if his throat had closed up and nothing was actually coming out of his mouth. He was afraid, he didn't like that feeling.

"Can't this wait? I mean, Klee's here." He tried saving himself despite knowing there was no getting out of talking to Albedo, if not now then later but Kaeya thought it was worth a shot. Either that or he wasn't actually thinking at all.

"Klee, do you mind playing outside for a bit? We'll meet you out there in a bit." See? Albedo was always prepared, no plausible excuse could get Kaeya out of this now unless he was somehow dying.

After far too long, the thought came to his head again. He is dying.

Without missing a beat Klee ran out the door, her keychains chiming as she skipped. Kaeya watched her leave, and as the door shut behind her a shiver went down his spine with fear of what was about to come. Without really meaning to, Kaeya had started cooling down the air around them using his abyssal ice as a response to his anxiousness and instinctively, he let it happen because of how natural it felt, it didn't hurt like his vision had been recently. Still, he knew it wasn't doing him any good. The gnawing feeling in his chest would start again eventually, and his fingertips would frost over, leaving a tingly feeling in his hands that he didn't like.

"You can't even control it anymore, can you?"

"What are you talking about?" Kaeya was confused as to what Albedo could have possibly been talking about, he hadn't told him that he was dying yet, actually, he'd done quite a good job of hiding his abyssal powers even from Albedo that the thought didn't even cross his mind.

"Diluc told me about what happened last night, how you quite literally froze in front of him but managed to do it without your vision anywhere near you. In fact, it was upstairs. As much as his arrogance ticks me off and how much I hate how he treats you, I listened. He seemed...frantic, in his own way, and was obviously trying his hardest to explain the situation to me but truly I don't even think he knew what to say, or why he was talking to me. But what I could discern is that Sir Diluc is worried about you Kaeya, and rightfully so-"

"Will everyone stop saying that!" Kaeya half chuckled, and it died not too soon after, "Diluc isn't worried about me, he can't be, and maybe I don't want him to be so stop assuming saying that is going to make me feel any better about this whole thing! After so long, do I even care what he feels about me?" The temperature in the room kept decreasing, to the point where Kaeya could see his own breath. Albedo looked at him baffled, almost speechless.

Regret quickly washed over him and he visibly stepped down. Kaeya hadn't meant to yell, he never does. But the notion that Diluc could care about his was too overwhelming, just the thought made his stomach churn and heart race with guilt. Now he's yelled at Albedo, of all people. It made him realize how disturbed he really was by everything happening, leading him to let his emotions and opinions seep through the delicate cloth of his lies, staining the fabric indefinitely. He was confused, about why Diluc would have talked to Albedo, why Albedo had mentioned not being able to control his cryo, why he was here, why he let this happen, why people won't just let him die.

"I'm sorry— I’m sorry. I hadn’t to yell, love…" Kaeya placed one shaking hand over the other, trying his best to quell his feelings, at least so that people didn't notice.

Albedo stepped closer, his demeanor changing slightly, but never was there a change in his expression. "Kaeya, you're crying."

"What?" He asked coldly. He uncrossed his hands and brought one up slowly to his face where, sure enough, there were tears forming in his eyes. He stared at his hand, in awe of how unaware he was before Albedo said anything. Kaeya watched as he began trembling worse and worse, he felt like choking, like the words he wanted to say were coming up and getting stuck in his throat. Suddenly it was like everything was muffled, even his own thoughts and he couldn't quite make sense of the situation.

Albedo looked at Kaeya worriedly, though he doubted the man noticed how true his concern really was. Gently Albedo brought Kaeya close into a hug, stroking his hair with one hand and the other placed protectively over his back. "Your heart's racing," Albedo whispered.

"I can't breathe Bedo," Kaeya mumbled, his voice cracking in a way he'd never intentionally let happen; vulnerably. The mansion fell quiet, everyone either busy or away, and instead the hall filled with quiet sounds of Kaeya's sobbing and occasionally a small gasp as his lungs struggled to fill with air.

Albedo broke the silence, speaking softly to not make too much noise. “Kaeya, look at me.” He looked up from the man’s shoulder, wiping his tears frantically and trying his best to pull himself together. “First I need you to sit down, and we still have to talk so please just..be prepared. We won’t just spring it on you this time.”

‘We’, the word rang in Kaeya’s ears before he fully registered what it meant, following close behind the realization came heavy footsteps. He couldn’t speak, he didn’t want to. Not like this, not if front of Diluc too.

“Kaeya,” A shiver went down his spine hearing the redhead’s voice. Diluc sat down on the couch opposite of Albedo and Kaeya. Kaeya winced at the reminder, that his ex-brother of all people saw him that way, he ‘hadn’t’ been vulnerable in years, at least, that’s what the public is aware of. He still hadn’t looked at Diluc, afraid that he’ll start to cry again.

Diluc spoke again, “I wasn’t sure who to tell. I was worried you—

“No you weren’t.”

“Stop that. You’re being foolish, Kaeya.” The other finally met Diluc’s eyes, shaking with either anger or anxiety, he hadn’t figured it out yet.

“I can’t understand why you would think you could just walk back into my life and casually declare things like that.” Kaeya’s voice cracked, it was strained with pain from his hangover, the pain in his heart, his chest. 

Diluc exhaled, as if he was calming himself down, which wouldn’t be surprising. Though never before would Kaeya have thought that he’d be spared the man’s yelling.

“I know. If you want to have this conversation in front of Albedo, by all means, be my guest, but there is more important things to discuss.” Kaeya was a bit shocked, he looked at his lover and hated that Diluc was right, he didn’t want Albedo to see this. One thing at a time.

”Fine..” He admitted reluctantly, still watching Albedo. The alchemist was fidgeting with his fingers uncomfortably, but obviously trying to hide how awkward he was. The room quieted down for a moment, falling into a deep, chaotic, silence.

Albedo cleared his throat, “I hope I can get through this before either one of you decide to bicker again.” He placed a hand on Kaeya’s back, and the knight looked up at him, the alchemist watched the fire, as if to stay impartial.

”Sir Diluc reached out to me a few days ago, saying he was concerned about your behavior. Something involving an interaction at the Tavern, he said we seemed close..like friends and wanted to follow up.” Admittedly, the first letter Diluc had sent was cautionary. In fear that Kaeya was going to do something irrational, but Albedo had assured that there wasn’t anything to worry about. 

“This morning though, Sir Diluc came to the city to meet me, I was planning on coming to see you anyway after hearing that you’d been hurt but such an urgent visit from Diluc was slightly unnerving. From there I was informed of what happened the night before, and I knew something was really wrong. I’m not an idiot, Kaeya, if you thought you could keep this from me, you can’t and you will not. You have abyssal remnants inside of you. How long have you kept that suppressed for? It’s spinning your celestial vision out of control and I just saw that when you began freezing the room, unable to control it!” Albedo’s voice cracked slightly and Kaeya’s chest tightened, he felt horrible making the man worry, “I explained how much I could put together to Sir Diluc, and here we are.” 

Hearing it all was more shocking than Kaeya had expected. Diluc really had gone out of his way to find Kaeya some sort of support. But it could also just be that he would rather transfer the responsibility onto somebody else.

“I don’t need an intervention.” Kaeya knew he was cornered, nothing simple was going to let him off the hook and yet it was still out of habit that he tried.

Diluc stood up, irritation finally getting the best of him. “You have only proved otherwise. We need you to tell us what’s wrong.” 

Kaeya didn’t know what to do, he was hardwired to lie, thoughts bubbled inside of him but each idea was shut down immediately and he quickly realized that truth was the only thing that he could give. He brought his eyes down to look at his own trembling hands and away from the expectant redhead in front of him. 

“Well?” Kaeya physically flinched at the question, taking in a shaky breath.

“It’s killing me.” He felt sick, like he could throw up, not because he knew he was dying, but because he has accepted it. This was just breaking the news earlier to people who would eventually attend his service anyway.

Nor Albedo or Diluc spoke a word, Kaeya could feel the shock overcoming them, taking any ability to speak. Kaeya decided to keep talking, as if this was totally normal,

”Or— I’m killing me. I’m not even quite sure. You aren’t completely right. That wasn’t my celestial power earlier, it was the abyssal energy that has been residing within me for decades. After so long of being ignored, wouldn’t you betray a close friend? It’s killing me, from the inside-out and in the process, trying to..escape. Everyday it gets harder and harder to control.” Kaeya wanted to cry, to be angry, to feel something at this moment but he couldn’t. His own body was betraying him and there he was, completely detached from reality. There was something though, a hint of relief. Kaeya tried telling himself it was because now maybe he could get some help, but Albedo and Diluc knowing now just made it real. He was dying. And Kaeya was relieved.

”You didn’t think to say anything?” Albedo asked, his voice filled with hurt as the question escaped his mouth.

”There’s nothing you can do, would be no point.” Kaeya almost shrugged, Albedo was now the one standing, his hands in fists at his sides. 

“No point? Kaeya...” The alchemist  spoke almost in a whisper looking down at Kaeya, and he began to feel bad seeing the tears forming in Albedo’s eyes.

”Bedo, please—“

The Alchemist stood abruptly, “I’m leaving to start on my research. I’ll get Klee on the way out.” Albedo was clearly in denial, unready to accept that the only person he ever felt human with was leaving so soon. He began racing for the door, Kaeya’s heart raced.

”Bedo, don’t go.” 

”This isn’t happening. I’ll get back to you two soon..” And with that Albedo was gone, shutting the door so hard that the floor shook. 

Kaeya’s leg began bouncing anxiously even though he didn’t want it to, he finally noticed that Diluc was just staring at him. He had a look on his face that not even Kaeya could read.

”Are you certain that’s all? Shouldn’t there be more to it?” The redhead’s words were flat, toneless and bland. Still, Kaeya knew what he was implying and it shook him to his core.

”What, you think I’m lying? Of course this is all!” Kaeya rarely had the courage to yell at Diluc, let alone confront his disrespect without cracking four jokes or five. Though he was aware of what he was doing, he was still afraid of the consequences so he started to shake. Once more, Kaeya dug his sharp and unkept nails into his arm to steady himself, stop the shaking before Diluc noticed any more vulnerability.

”Yes Kaeya because you have not yet proven to be truthful.” Diluc scowled, the words cut through Kaeya like a knife sharper than the one he was just stabbed with. 

”You’ll find that I can be more than worthy of trust.” Even Kaeya knew that wasn’t true.

”Archon’s know what else you could be doing to yourself.” 

Say something—

Kaeya repeated in his head, but he couldn’t move. He had to say something, Diluc wasn’t supposed to notice, now he’s made things worse. He was overwhelmed, scared. And now he had frozen up, right in front of his ex-brother. Kaeya was sure the cold on his face was tears and he couldn’t keep them from spilling.

Of course, now he could feel.

Chapter 6: Let All Light Go

Summary:

the brothers r brothering
ALSO. If you have not yet realized the line of four stars means a POV change. From Diluc to Kaeya or Kaeya to Diluc

Diluc hadn't recognized it as anything at first; the way Kaeya would stop speaking, seemingly staring into nothing. Mainly because he was a child, he didn't realize what the odd behavior was until his father explained to him what disassociating was as gently as possible for someone so young to understand, "Your brother sometimes goes somewhere, like in his head, playing with other kids. This isn't a bad thing, you just have to be patient with him. Patience, Schatzi. Always." Crepus would say. Adedlinde scolds him on his Father's behalf, for being so disappointingly hot-tempered. He'd almost forgotten about Kaeya's episodes like this, his heart seemed to realize before his mind did in the way it clenched painfully. 

The Captain remained still, other than his fidgeting fingers. Diluc stepped closer cautiously, not wanting to scare Kaeya any further than he already had, and slowly sat down on the couch next to him. He was stiff, completely at a loss of what to do, he just didn't want to leave Kaeya alone when he came to. Patience. He let his arms rest on his thighs while he stared into the ground, practically burning holes into it, he could- if he wanted to. Though they were both adults now, Diluc still felt so blissfully unaware of Kaeya's troubles, and he supposes that's what the Captain wanted; to stay a mystery, which Diluc believes is stupid, considering the man's political stance and..obnoxious tendencies. But he knew that he was in no place to judge since he too had fallen victim to the soldier's puppet show. Somehow, he'd learned more about Kaeya in the last two days completely against Kaeya's will than he had in the last four years. 

But knowing things doesn't necessarily make them easier to approach, Diluc still doesn't know what to do to help. And he's not sure that he can, not without causing Kaeya so much more pain. He felt like a spectator of some sort, watching from afar but not being able to interact with the world he was observing, forced to stand on the sidelines. They were both outsiders in the other's life, and bringing one foot back in the door seemed like something only the Archons could manage with divine interference. It's so much more than just something heavy weighing down on Diluc, it was holding him underwater, an ocean of deceit so vast, that he couldn't see anything else. Maybe, slowly, he can pull himself back above the water, if only he knew how.

Around Diluc, outside of his and Kaeya's deafeningly silent atmosphere, there was the Manor, settling down for the evening. The kettle bubbled in the kitchen as maids prepared tea, and the golden hour sun peaked through the curtains, covering the main hall in stripes of light like windows to heaven. Diluc could almost picture his father pacing around, back and forth taking care of business the same way Diluc mimics now. 

He's suddenly made aware of Kaeya's presence again as the man begins to stand on the other end of the couch, Diluc turns his head and watches as Kaeya begins to leave, he's confused for a moment, about what to say. It takes Diluc a moment to register that he's just walking away.

"Wha.." Diluc stood up, almost stumbling over his feet as he caught up to Kaeya, grabbing his shoulder before the man reached the door.

✦✦✦✦

Kaeya blinked away the fuzz around his vision, he looked next to him, and Diluc looked like he could either cry or burn something down, which, was more likely. He had a vague recollection of a couple of minutes ago..Albedo stormed out and then after that it was like something was forcing him out of his own mind, a feeling he recognized all too well. There was this overwhelming feeling to run, Diluc had seen him vulnerable, with all his defenses down. 

He has to go, being here was a mistake, he should’ve left the first fucking day. Now everyone’s in the know— secrecy is not something he keeps for fun, he needs it to survive. Before Kaeya knows it, he’s up and rushing for the door, ignoring how his head spins and how heavy his legs feel. Diluc calls after him and his steps speed up, but a calloused hand grabs his shoulder and turns him around. The force of the action almost sends Kaeya into the wall, but he catches himself on a table. Pain shoots up from his wound and into his arm. 

Kaeya held the table tighter as the world spun around him, he kept his feet as still as possible knowing if he moved in the slightest his knees would give out. His shoulder feels like it’s burning where Diluc pulled him, burning always burning—

The redhead’s yelling, he can’t exactly hear the man but there’s muffled shouting in his ears. The sting from his shoulder seems to spread to his whole body, freezing him in place. Or rather, etching a burnt silhouette into the ground. Everything feels like it’s on fire, and Diluc’s the fucking ember feeding the flame.

Stars, if he could just—

”SHUT UP,”

Kaeya watches Diluc’s face go through an avalanche of emotions, for a second after the shock, he’s angrier, a strand of his already fiery red hair catching ablaze. The tycoon shifts his weight uncomfortably and takes a deep breath through his nose before landing in silence.

But Kaeya? Oh, he is full of words, like the vase that hangs in the manor, Adelinde refills the water but the flowers never bloom. 

“I wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place, not in this Archons-damned mansion or Mondstadt or— I just want to go home Diluc!" The man isn't sure if he means his flat or back in Khaenri'ah, "So leave me, and all my troubles alone because I know you never cared, don’t start now. Just let me die in my house, alone, in fucking peace!” He would cry if he had the energy, but he’s using it all to scream until his throat feels like it’s being burnt raw, a feeling he knows all too well. 

The silence doesn't last long before Diluc's screaming, a sound so ordinary Kaeya had almost missed it, "Archons, would you give up this ignorant act? You behave like a child completely knowingly! You can't expect everyone to sit and worship you, Kaeya. Not everybody's so naive." 

The Captain can't stop himself before the words leave his mouth, "Oh yes they are, including you! Naive enough to trust every word I have to say."

"I know better than to trust you- you thrive on deceit!" 

Kaeya’s sanity is hanging by a thread, every strand, every fiber fights to not snap and leave the man drowning in the pool of lies and corruption he’s filled. The silence tugs at the strings of his mind, threatening to break. His fingers twitch against the mahogany on the side table as he waits for Diluc to speak, to say something, silently wishing he’ll get to stay, to rest.

 His brain tears in two, because Kaeya knows he can’t stay, part of him wants to be alone, die in familiarity. And the other half so selfishly longs for the comfort of family, of what was his home, but he physically cannot find the slightest sense of that peace in his mind. He can't remember feeling that peace, or just can't access it. How can he long for something he's never felt so strongly? 

Fear dances in Kaeya’s mind as he tries to use the last of his vigor to decipher Diluc's expression, and then there's realization. This sickening realization when Kaeya suddenly has a moment that isn't clouded by the thought of his death. He’s yelled at Diluc again, in the man’s home, surrounded by people who work for him. 

Diluc can— no, has the right to expose Kaeya completely, cut deeper into the wound, and pour his secrets in it like wine. Diluc has all this power over the Captain and yet he’s quiet, almost frozen, and Kaeya can’t tell if he’s seething or just staring. It feels like minutes after minutes in the man’s mind, but somehow only a dozen seconds have passed.

Kaeya has a thought, that if he'd have to spend his last moments battling others over his heritage, Stars, he'd lay down his life in the blink of an eye. Let the insects know his taste, let the ley lines reclaim him as part of the twisted roots this nation runs on.

Diluc stops staring, his face falling in defeat realizing that he really isn’t going to get anything out of the Captain anymore. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re staying. And that isn’t up for debate. I'm not going to sit here and coddle you like a child so don’t make me.”

Kaeya desperately wants to argue more, leave, and never have to come back and face this part of his past again. But he doesn’t. Nothing more comes from either of them as he realizes there’s no fighting the redhead over this. There’ll be better ways to get out of this damned manor eventually, just not now. He can’t. So Kaeya shifts, he uses any strength he has left to look Diluc in the eyes and they both silently recognize the decision made.

Diluc nods and begins to walk away, seemingly satisfied with how the situation presents itself. He leaves, and now the Captain’s alone again. His mind is so full the thoughts that it blurs into emptiness, the fear in his body so erratic it’s calming. 

---

 

Kaeya’s in his room— well, the room he’s staying in. To say it’s his would imply that he’s welcome here. Despite Dilucs insistence on him not leaving, the manor is not meant to be home. But Kaeya isn’t really sure when he got to the bed, or when he opened another bottle of wine, even where he got the bottle. Maybe he’d picked it up off the table from last night’s mess. 

That thought makes Kaeya laugh as he takes another sip from the bottle. His head falls against the headboard and he can’t stop himself from crying thinking about it, the absolute mess he’s made. His hand smells of blood when he brings it up to rub his eyes, reminded of all the small marks he’s made with his nails. He makes a mental note to put his gloves back on before he rips away more and more at his skin.

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs catches his attention, and he slips the bottle under the bed like he’s 16 again. Kaeya scoots his way to the edge of the bed as a knock comes to the door, and he tries his best to wipe away his tears. He knows it’s not Diluc, because the tycoon would never knock so politely, so he calls for the person to come in.

“Sir Kaeya?” He isn’t surprised to see Adelinde’s head peak through, but his heart races with fear. Diluc could have told her.

He tries to hide his sluggishness as he walks towards her,  a part of him disappears with every step, replaced by his beloved mask. “When will you drop the pleasantries? I would prefer if you called me Kaeya and you know that, and I figure Diluc would as well.” 

Poor maid isn’t at all amused by Kaeya’s ‘jokes’. She completely ignores the request and reaches for his cheek with her thumb, “You’ve been crying..oh, dear. I don’t understand why you are so adamant about still smiling and acting like you’re alright.” 

Smiling? He hadn’t realized he was, it was a little funny to him how his mind unconsciously made decisions to seem okay. “Because I know better than to worry others with what can’t be changed,” Kaeya smiles, this time knowingly, “I am alright, just a bit tired. I was about to fall asleep.”

“Don’t talk nonsense with me, I can smell the alcohol on you. This is a winery, we can all smell wine quite well.” She takes her hand from his face and rests it on her apron instead, the disappointment in her voice shatters Kaeya’s heart.

He sighs, “Well, you’ve caught me! Not to worry, I only had a glass.” Her eyes stare him down like she knows that’s a lie.

“Also not true. There’s no point lying to me, I’ve known you inside-out since you were a little boy.” She says it with such confidence that Kaeya almost believes it’s true too.

“You’ve had plenty to drink, especially because you’re injured. Which, Master Diluc wanted me to inform you that a healer shall be coming for you in the morning. She’ll come here, he’s afraid if you got to the city you might..” She stops like she’s caught herself. Kaeya raises an eyebrow, “Well it doesn’t quite matter. But he stresses that you stay at the manor until you’re fully healed. Until then, there are some bandages in the bathroom cabinets for you to change your dressings. If you need anything at all, do call for me.”

“A healer? How kind of him. It’s a shame they have to come all this way. I’ll make sure to be on my very best behavior for our guest!” 

“That includes not being hungover tomorrow when they get here. Please..just cut down a bit. And get some rest, dear.” Adelinde smiles at him, full of sympathy and care. 

“Of course. You too then, alright?” Kaeya says, reaching for the door handle before she can and opening it for her. She nods and walks out, she mouths a goodnight before walking down the stairs and Kaeya catches a glimpse of fiery red in the living room. He shuts the door.

Kaeya sniffs, rubbing his eyes in hopes it’ll make him any less tired. He doesn’t reach for the bottle under the bed again, part of him wants to prove that he can control himself, he doesn’t need the alcohol. But the urge is still there— like he’s teetering right on the edge waiting for something to push him over. 

“Master Kaeya, you must be more cautious about drinking. I’ll get you some tea and medicine dear, but you’ll need to stay hydrated.”

“Thank you, Miss Adenlinde.”

He remembers those mornings so clearly, when she would come into his room and scold him for drinking too much the night before. She’d get him tea, and remind him that she had full authority to tell Crepus, which she never did. Kaeya never let her realize it was a problem. Adelinde wouldn’t question the stains of red on his bed, or the cold sweat he woke up in from nightmares. She was just there, and never had any concerns about what Kaeya had to give in return.

Kaeya wishes he even had anything to give to her anymore. To anyone, really. But instead he lays on his childhood bed, hoping to fall asleep but knowing he won’t without another drink. The cold in his chest builds, until the man shivers under the covers like a kid again. He finds comfort in it, knowing it’s a prerequisite to what others would call his “early death”.

He tries not to think about the days he will have left, just about getting through tomorrow and fully ignoring where he is and who is just downstairs. Kaeya used to do it a lot as a kid and when he was a teen after Diluc left. He’d force himself to disassociate, practically disappear from the world around him and hide in his mind. Tonight, he does it to fall asleep.

---

Kaeya doesn’t sleep very well, which comes as no surprise to him or anyone if anyone knew him. He woke up over and over shivering from a cold that only existed within him, kept awake by thoughts of his father by his bed. And his headache only seemed to get worse when he dragged himself out of the covers, but it’s nothing that isn’t familiar.

It’s way too much of a struggle to get himself to the bathroom. It's surprisingly concerning Kaeya. Every single inch of him feels unnaturally heavy, and with every strained step he feels like he could fall into the floor. He’s very consciously breathing, reminding his brain to fill his lungs with air and exhale appropriately which is even more exhausting on top of everything.

Kaeya considers just going back to sleep, perhaps after a drink so he can actually get some rest— avoid the constant screaming of his brain and how he aches in pain. But he knows it’ll only cause more trouble for the healer, and probably make Adelinde worry more if he spent the entire day in bed, so ultimately he decides against it.

Kaeya stares at the person in the mirror, trying to recognize it but he can’t. His hair is unkempt, scuffs on his face from fighting, dark circles under his eyes, and if you look close enough you can clearly see the dried tears and saliva on his face. Oh, does the list go on. He could spend hours here, picking at the tiny details of his appearance to feel okay, but he hears the front door open downstairs before the panicking starts. 

He pats his hands dry on his dark pants before shutting the bedroom door behind him. As Kaeya walks towards the staircase he side-leans over the railing in the hallway, he catches a glimpse of very blonde hair. It could be one of three people. The Traveler, Jean, or Barbara. He ends up tugging and fiddling with his loose blouse as his anxiety rises at the thought. Thankfully though, when he reaches the bottom, the wine tycoon is nowhere to see.

“Guests?” He chimes, sauntering over to the couches with his hands in his pockets, suddenly acting much more alive, “For me? You shouldn’t have!”

Immediately, Jean stands from the sofa and turns to Kaeya, face filled with worry. 

“My God's Kaeya, you look tired.” She declares, politely walking over to him and placing a comforting hand on the man’s shoulder. Kaeya tries to not visibly wince at the comment.

“I guess you could say it’s been a long couple days..” He follows her eyes, looking him up and down, grimacing at it. Kaeya knows he doesn’t look or sound great as much as he’s trying to. It’s getting actively harder to keep up with his ‘okay’ act because his body is working completely against him. 

Jean barely reacts at his attempt to lighten the mood. Her expression remains serious as she cautiously returns her hand to her side and looks right up at Kaeya. Her face is scrunched with concern.

 “This..isn’t like you at all. You can take multiple Fatui soldiers on your own, and suddenly one can manage to injure you this badly?”

“I was worried about Klee, she had me distracted.” Kaeya retorts.

Jean looks at him for a second before rubbing her tired eyes. Silently, she gestures to the couch for Kaeya to sit, which he does— a little more nervous. His boss sits next to him, relaxing, as a friend and not a colleague.

They both move a little, facing each other on the sofa. 

“Lift your shirt please, just so I can see the wound.” 

Kaeya nods and lifts his blouse to reveal slightly bloody bandages, he turns his head away knowing how bad this looks. But really, it’s not, this is routine for someone in his line of work and everyone seems to be making such a big deal over nothing.

Kaeya glances back at her, and Jean slowly positions her hands over the wound. She’s not touching him, but she means to be gentle as she begins to heal him. A light wind blows when she uses her vision, and Kaeya immediately relaxes at the relief. He’s about to speak, something about how Jean is a God-send, but she speaks up first.

“You should stay with Diluc,” She starts, still looking at the wound as she heals, Kaeya’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I knew something had been up..I really should have pestered you about it more. He told me about that night.” She looks at him briefly, his heart almost completely stops.

“Jean wait—“

“No, you realize you drank a good three bottles? Not to mention, you stole them. Diluc also mentioned a couple other things; how you get nervous and twitchy without a drink, how often you show up at the tavern, your tolerance.”

Jean sits back up because she’s done healing, but Kaeya barely even notices a difference anymore. He’s glad his worst fear hadn’t come true but this is probably a close second. He opens his mouth to protest, but again, she beats him to it.

“These are clear signs of addiction and not only as your boss but as your friend I cannot let you return to work like this. Diluc’s offered to help, I know your relationship is rocky but this’ll be good. I can fully trust him to keep you from drinking and..to keep you safe from yourself.” Kaeya hates how she says Diluc wants to help. He doesn’t need help, he doesn’t have a problem. 

“I’m an adult, Jean, I can fully handle myself. I understand that you’re worried but I assure you, I’m doing fine. Besides I..” Kaeya trails off when he realizes Diluc’s standing at the end of the hall, watching with his arms crossed. His anger grows at the man, but he’d rather not take it out on poor Jean. Kaeya keeps his eyes on Diluc for a moment as he finishes his sentence before looking back at Jean, “Besides, I need to do my job. Who would fill in for me while I’m gone?”

“I’ve already arranged everything. Please Kaeya, I really think this is what’s best for you, it’s not forever. Let's give it a week to start?” 

Jean’s asking him questions, but he can tell this is anything but a suggestion. Her and Diluc seem to have already discussed everything and made the decision, he was just being informed that he’d have to stay. His heart was beating in his throat, completely shattered by the fact that she would go behind his back.

“I don’t get a say in this, do I?” He replies, way more snappy than he intended. Jean looks down to her lap at her fingers, folded on top of each other politely.

“No, Kaeya. I’m..I’m sorry but I can’t do nothing knowing you’re doing this to yourself. What if something were to happen while you were on duty? No..no I can’t allow that.” Jean’s voice is strained talking about it, she’s clearly very worried for her friend.

In her head, she panics thinking about what could’ve happened to Kaeya because she’d chosen to act oblivious to his worsening condition. 

Kaeya’s heart is racing, he can almost hear it clear as day in his ears. He’s suddenly so aware of everything around him; the morning sun feels like it’s burning his eyes, Diluc’s stare bores holes into him from down the hall. And he can feel the thing in his chest, that cryo clawing and screaming. He doesn’t realize he’s zoning out until Jean calls his name.

“Oh,” Her hand rests on his thigh, and instead of being comforting like intended, Kaeya’s completely abhorred by the touch. He tries his best to shift away from the touch without her noticing, but she clearly realizes the uneasiness when he scoots back. “If it’s what you think is best..I urge you not to worry too much though Jean, really it’s..” Kaeya has to clear his throat, suddenly feeling like he could vomit. “It’s alright. And I’ll be alright, if you think this needs to happen, I can’t refuse the help.” The words are forced, fake even, but when is Kaeya not?

He’d tried his best to sound genuine, but if anything Jean had only seemed more distraught. She opens her mouth once to speak and then closed it, Kaeya gave her a moment to find the words. 

“I don’t think you’re fully understanding this. You have an alcohol problem, I’m not sure how to put this into perspective for you. I can’t even imagine how long you’ve been growing your tolerance now. You couldn’t handle a day, so you broke into the Manor’s cabinets—“ Kaeya doesn’t remember them being locked, “and almost killed yourself. Diluc told me you could barely remember anything. Is any of this getting through to you?”

Kaeya blinks, hearing someone repeat his actions back to him makes it sound incredibly real. 

After a moment of pause, he quickly stammers a response. “No- no, yeah. I think I’m seeing this clearer now, really. Thank you for coming, and for healing me.” Kaeya can’t help but look at Diluc one more time, he spits out one more sentence as he watches the redead walk back into his study. “I’m sure Diluc will be a great host.”

Finally, she looks more relaxed, like she actually believes what Kaeya’s saying this time. Jean then stands, offering Kaeya a smile rather than a hug. 

“Alright then, I’m glad. I’ll try to stop by and check on you, take care of yourself please. And try not to give Diluc too much trouble.”

Kaeya chuckles wryly, “I can’t make any promises.” 

He gives her a broken smile back, it’s all he can manage at the moment. Easing back into the manners taught to him, Kaeya wills himself to stop trembling and walk her to the door. As much as Kaeya’s managed to calm her, she still seems hesitant to leave, as if Kaeya might run out after her. 

“Listen to him, he means well.” She adds before finishing off her goodbye. 

Kaeya shuts the door, turning around to rest his back against it because it feels like he’d knees are going to give out. If he didn’t have a problem with alcohol he shouldn’t be this upset, right? He’s just mad at Diluc..yeah. 

I don’t need help. I’m dying anyway, let me go. I hate this. He told her. I need a drink. No I—

I hate this, I hate this, I HATE—

“Kaeya! Is there a reason you’re standing in my doorway?” Diluc’s voice makes him jump, he pretends not to look confused as he looks around. 

He doesn’t remember walking here, or slamming the door open because it’s still swinging on its hinges. “I… you told her?”

✦✦✦✦

Diluc is so confused, because Kaeya’s confused, it’s like he forgets everything lately. He adds that to the mental list of things that he needs to ask Kaeya about. Sweat gathers at his forehead, afraid that the Captain will either scream or collapse. Kaeya’s trembling, terribly so. Diluc braces himself for either, ready to run over and catch him.

Kaeya’s words catch him slightly off guard, the shakiness in his voice makes Diluc want to disappear. “Yes, it was a smart decision.” 

Which is true, but it doesn’t mean Diluc’s proud of having to do it. But he was so unsure of how else to make the man listen, or how to approach this at all. All he can think about when he looks at Kaeya now is that he’s dying, he’s losing him. It completely clouds his judgements, all his decisions are entirely out of desperation.

“Was it? So what’s your plan, keep me locked in this manor? That isn’t going to change anything!”

He’s learned by now that trusting Kaeya blindly isn’t going to get him anywhere. But there’s no way to be sure if this anger is real or if it’s to push him away. The way Kaeya yells, voice shaking, laced with frustration and betrayal is a bitter sound to Diluc’s ears. 

He hides his twitchy hands by crossing his arms and keeping his deadpan the best he can.

“It's better than you leaving and doing Archons know what. I can assure your safety here while we solve this.” Diluc matches the sassiness in the others voice, trying to hide his regret.

Kaeya drags a hand down his face, “Right, okay— my safety. Sure.” He scoffs and Diluc furrows his brows further, “you understand that she’s my boss? I work for her, you are entirely out of line.”

“I’m trying to do what you won’t for yourself. I know you work for her, and I understand it’s a bit uncivil but you have to understand the situation at hand. I prioritized, I knew you’d have to listen to her.” Which is all true, he chooses to not lie.

“You’re serious, you think this is helping? I don’t want your help,”

The words sound too much like let me die.

Kaeya continues, “you drew a line, and now you insist on stepping over it.”

Diluc squeezes his arm tighter, looking away from Kaeya. He understands the weight that holds, it gives him too much of a glimpse into how badly he’d impacted their relationship. In every corner of his mind, he screams apologies, it takes a lot to not reply with one.

Diluc swallows dry, looking back up at Kaeya. “She isn’t wrong, we needed to address that issue as well. Because your drinking is a problem. It just worked out that it would get you to stay during this. I can’t have you risking anything while you’re—“ Dying, he thinks, but the words won’t come out. “—in your condition, Kaeya.”

“I get it! Okay? I got that. But seriously, spare me your help, Diluc. You can’t go around just telling anyone anything, if that’s your idea of help, I’ll gladly walk myself out of here.” 

Diluc squints, wondering what Kaeya is so worked up over. Surely he doesn’t think..

He chooses his words carefully, sitting up in his chair slightly to emphasize his seriousness. “I only told her what was important for now. I wouldn’t say things that are unnecessary. If you’re thinking I’d tell anyone of your origins, you’re mistaken.” The words make Kaeya flinch, as if they were thrown at him, he doesn’t reply for a moment.

Diluc wants to fill the silence, it’s too jarring. Like everything else he’d like to say, the words get stuck in his throat. Kaeya opens his mouth to speak, but the tycoon cuts him off before the sentence fizzles back into his mind. “You can trust me.”

They arent looking at each other anymore, Kaeya’s focus is somewhere else. Diluc glances to his side where the man is staring off into, to see if there’s something he’s missing, but nothing is out of the ordinary. 

“Kaeya?” He calls cautiously, standing up from his chair and starting towards Kaeya slowly.

Calling his name earns Diluc a weak hum of acknowledgment, but his attention is still elsewhere. As the bartender steps closer he notices how Kaeya is somehow frigid but his body is still trembling slightly. The air around him is colder, Diluc’s heart drops.

Kaeya brings a shaky hand to his eyes, his voice is small, and if it weren’t for the deadly silent study, Diluc wouldn’t have been able to hear him. 

“Not now..please..-“

Diluc reaches out to put his hand on Kaeya’s back, but pulls away just as fast, too afraid that he’ll scare him. 

“What are you talking about, are you getting cold again? What do you need?” Diluc asks, Kaeya doesn’t reply and instead just shakes his head. His eyes are shut when he takes his hand off his face. Diluc wants to do something about the way he uses his hands to then hurt himself. He hates noticing the little things now that he’s constantly trying to make himself aware. The small wounds on Kaeya’s hands, his leg that’s always bouncing. But again, he doesn’t want to do anything that’ll scare Kaeya more.

Diluc steps in front of Kaeya, the man finally looks at him— it almost scares him the way fear swirls in his eyes. He can’t help but stare for a moment, noticing all too much about the void that seems to hide behind Kaeya’s gaze. His mind is only brought back because of the Captain’s loud breathing— or attempts to breathe. Each breath is shaky and panicked, Diluc quickly pulls himself back from his head to try and help.

“Hey, hey, sit down,” Diluc gestures to the floor by his desk and very lightly puts a hand on Kaeya’s shoulder. He doesn’t flinch or squirm by some miracle, and it makes Diluc relax slightly. Gently, he guides Kaeya backwards and to the floor. 

The Captain hits the wall first, before sliding down and settling with his knees hugged close. His breathing remains ragged, if anything, it’s getting worse. Diluc is torn over what to do, because he’s not even sure what’s happening. He agonizes over the fact that even here, kneeling right next to his brother who is in so much pain, he still can’t decide what to do. Regret buzzes in his mind, words and memories bounce around in his head like flies.

Diluc takes a sharp breath, trying to find the right words, right tone— how to do any of this right. 

Suddenly Kaeya yelps, lunging forward like someone’s stabbed him from behind. Its so sudden that it startles Diluc as well.

“Kaeya?! Focus, can you hear me?” Diluc keeps his voice as calm as possible, steady and clear so that the other can hopefully understand through the panic.

Kaeya doesn’t budge, he’s now hunched over with his legs criss-cross. Diluc can’t see his face because he’s looking down and a hand covers his mouth. 

The Captain’s voice is muffled, and his words sound broken, almost shattered. “Plea— nono..”

Diluc doesn’t say anything more, realizing Kaeya’s not attentive enough. He keeps a hand on the man’s shoulder, rubbing it slowly. The sound of tears hitting the wooden floor give Diluc goosebumps, he immediately looks down to the floor because he almost can’t believe it. It still doesn’t make any sense, seeing him cry like this. Diluc knows he shouldn’t be seeing it, that this is a moment so vulnerable for Kaeya and he hasn’t yet earned the right to be here. Or, earned it again. 

There’s a moment where Diluc’s 18 again, screaming for help as his Father dies in his arms. Just like then, the emotions are rooted so deep inside of him, twined into each one of his nerves. None of this makes sense. He’s seen Kaeya disassociate, but he’d never known of episodes this intense.

Was this something that came about while he was away? Has this always happened? Diluc curses himself for not knowing. His brother’s dying, and Diluc is still alive, unlike with his Father he has a chance. But Diluc still can’t help, despite desperation that’s almost overwhelming. He can’t help and it’s all his fault.

The man watches as Kaeya’s soft cries turn into sobs, it’s hard to tell what he’s saying now between that and his panicky breathing. Diluc slowly places his other hand on Kaeya’s chest, trying to sit him up.

He’s not sure if the Captain can hear him, but he speaks anyway. “Kaeya, sit up please. Try to take some deep breaths.” 

It’s too easy to sit Kaeya up against the wall, but Diluc hopes it helps the man come to. Once he sees Kaeya’s face clearly, he has to turn away for a moment. This entire time he’s tried his best to hide his own panic seeing the man so out of it, so gone. But the tears stains on his face, the way his eyes look like they search for a refuge makes Diluc’s breath hitch. 

Kaeya struggles to speak, he sounds like he’s talking to no one. “I can’t see. I..I can’t see, there’s too much..-” 

“Too much what?” Diluc asks, trying to find anything to say that Kaeya can cling onto. “Kaeya?”

The more he struggles to breathe, the raspier he sounds, and eventually it throws Kaeya into an intense coughing fit. Diluc stands up once he hears the man gag, rushing for the trash can and placing it in between Kaeya’s legs. He gags into the bin, Diluc grimaces at the sound of his vomiting but continues to rub the man’s back.

Kaeya lifts his head slightly, still looking into the trash can that he holds now by himself with both hands. The man’s hyperventilating echoes in it, Diluc sits down next to him again, criss-crossed as well.

“You’re okay, breathe, focus on that. I’ve got you.” The words seem to slip out of his mouth now, he can’t shake how much it all feels like a lie on his lips. “Can you hear me?”

Kaeya nods and then lifts his head from the bin, shoving it away and wrapping his arms around his torso. His gaze remains on the floor, Diluc doesn’t say anything for a moment to give him some time to calm down. When his gasps finally calm down into deep breaths, he presses his back against the wall and lets his head fall back. Diluc can still see tears fall down the sides of his face as he stares at the ceiling, but he’s not making any noise. He’s just staring.

Diluc moves a little closer, being careful to not startle Kaeya with any of his movements. The other looks down at him, a little confused, and honestly so is Diluc— this just feels right. He puts a hand behind Kaeya’s head and gently guides him to his shoulder, letting the man’s forehead rest on it. 

Diluc keeps his voice quiet, almost in a whisper he says, “It’s okay to cry.”

Kaeya lets out a shaky breath, “you don’t have to do any of this.” 

“I don’t mind.” Diluc replies, looking down at him as if Kaeya can see the genuineness in his eyes.

The manor is quiet, it feels like it’s just the two of them as Kaeya tries to stifle his cries, Diluc holding him close. Each cry is full of frustration, he can tell Kaeya’s still keeping to himself: hiding, like always. He hopes Kaeya doesn’t feel how his heart is beating out of his chest in despair. How could it have gotten this bad? How could Diluc also fall victim to Kaeya’s oh-so perfectly strung lies? This is his brother for Archons-sake. Diluc hates it took this long, and this intense of a wake up call for him to rise from the dead.

Even if he wants to be there, it’s still like trying to awaken a gray vision. Diluc is trying, albeit mostly failing, to find a solution that’ll help Kaeya. And to do that, he has to be the person he hasnt been in years left uncounted. Diluc’s sure if he looked hard enough, counted each day, he wouldn’t have the courage to approach Kaeya at all. 

Unlike right now, where he holds the man so tightly— as if he’ll fall apart if not held together. Diluc doesn’t think he’d be able to put the man back together again, so he refuses to believe he’s already broke. His mind memorizes the way Kaeya’s back rises and falls, the sound of his breathing, and his warmth. All things he wished he had paid more attention to before he’d lost his father, he’s trying to be safe.

In the midst of Diluc’s thinking, Kaeya manages to pull himself away. He sits up fully, looking down at his fidgeting fingers in his lap. It’s relieving to see him have stopped crying.

Diluc’s first instinct is to ask questions, and he can’t fight it fast enough. “What happened?”

Kaeya scoffs, “Curiosity killed the cat, don't you know?” He smiles a little, but it falls back into his frown.

“I can’t help you unless you tell me Kaeya.” Again, Diluc chooses to be honest. As much as he wishes to have all the answers, he needs the Captain to cooperate, to want help.

“I will, I will. Just not now, please.” Kaeya looks up, his gaze is unwavering and Diluc understands that he means it.

It takes him a moment to think, Kaeya starts to stand up, and Diluc quickly does the same.

“Where are you going?” He asks, afraid Kaeya will try to leave again.

He sniffs, “Nowhere. I’d just like to sleep for a bit. If that’s okay.” 

Diluc’s a little concerned, as he hasn’t eaten yet, and he still has a hundred questions floating around in his head. But he figures that Kaeya mustn’t have gotten much rest last night, and nods. 

“Right, right. Go ahead.” 

Kaeya smiles in response, but it’s barely noticeable. He looks completely drained of all his energy, and Diluc can see it in the way he practically drags his feet as he walks to the door. He doesn’t follow the Captain upstairs, instead he watches the man go up and shut the bedroom door from the study.

Diluc leans against the doorframe, and lets his face fall into his hands. He groans, all of that sucked everything out of his already sleep-deprived mind. He’s glad Kaeya’s hopefully getting some rest, and he plans to check on him in a little bit just to make sure everything’s alright. Diluc looks back up to the bedroom again, thinking of how Crepus did the same when Kaeya first started to have nightmares. Diluc would catch him just watching the door in case Kaeya ran out, or if he heard crying.

Nobody warned him it would be this hard, but he hates to complain because he knows Kaeya’s pain is worse. That alone is enough to keep his mouth shut. Diluc reminds himself he needs to get back to research soon, and try to fix Kaeya’s issue before it’s too late. But for now, it’s comforting knowing that the Captain isn’t far.

Diluc stays for a bit, like his Father would, trying to care for Kaeya the best he can.

Notes:

OKAY. I’m going to try my very best to get chapters out more consistently so that yall can have angst fed to u regularly 😞

Chapter 7: A Different Life

Summary:

The brothers tone their voices down for the day as they head to Kaeya’s apartment, and meet a close friend on the way!

Notes:

MERRY CHRISTMAS-EVE TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE!! Here’s a little early gift 🤭
Everyone go follow @spe.xxid on Insta!! She draws amazing Kaebedo fanart on Tiktok and will be posting on IG because of the likely Tiktok ban. She helps me so much with my writing and are super supportive so GO

Diluc sat impatiently in his study, staring holes into the floor where Kaeya had been a couple of hours prior. He had been shaking, struggling with pain that Diluc could not see. He had tried to ask what it was, like that night that felt like years ago at the tavern. When Kaeya’s expression seemed all too unfamiliar— far away, almost lost, and yet, as he’d spoken, Diluc couldn’t stop the frustration from seeping into his tone. How could Kaeya forgive him for his actions if he could not even allow himself that mercy? 

Kaeya had told Diluc he would talk those hours ago, and he hasn’t had the heart to go and check on the man himself since. Adelinde went in a few times only to report that he was changed and asleep. He was glad the man was getting rest but with the promise of a conversation, Diluc was too anxious to leave his mind unoccupied. He’d been awake hours beyond dinner, using the time to prepare more for Kaeya’s stay. 

First, he’d informed every worker who kept the manor and winery running to not serve Kaeya any sort of alcohol. Because knowing him, Diluc was sure the man would try and find some sort of workaround. Then, he cleared out the kitchen cabinets of liquor and wine, only stored upstairs for possible guests and gatherings. By then, it was already around 9 P.M and Diluc’s mind was still awake past midnight. So he made arrangements to be free tomorrow to take Kaeya to his apartment himself. He didn’t trust anyone else to go with him, but he figured the man would like to pack a few things. He hoped this would make him less anxious about the forced sleepover Diluc had thrown onto him. He even made sure that Albedo was informed, figuring that Kaeya would want to see him. Diluc tried not to make assumptions about their relationship, but it wasn’t very difficult to understand that they had something beyond friendship. Which wasn’t shocking to Diluc, it honestly was pleasant to know that his estranged brother felt comfortable with someone.

Diluc had managed to find all the paperwork possible and complete it, though he doubts it’s done very well. His eyelids were heavy, and every time he picked up the pen his hand would simply shake with fatigue— which was evident in the way his usually confident signature seemed to progressively worsen with each document. It isn’t that he had not tried to go to bed, because there were times in the night when he went and laid in his bed attempting to give in to the exhaustion he felt. Unfortunately, he was gifted his Father’s sleepless tendencies. He could, though, find himself appreciating the sunrise most mornings. 

The colors spilled onto the floor through his opened door and he admired it. The sunset will last for years after him, years that are beyond his imagination. There was a twisted comfort in knowing that his actions were small, no matter what terrible thing may happen it is nothing compared to the vastness that lies beyond the skies. 

Diluc’s eyes were glued there on the floor, and he watched as a familiar pair of boots walked into the frame. 

“Well, you have seen less tiring days Master Diluc.” He leans against the doorway with a cross of his arms, slightly smirking at the man’s state. But his words have no sense of hostility, Diluc scoffed playfully.

He sits up in his chair. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating,” Diluc replied and tries to run a hand through his hair only to be met with knots and frizz. His face falls almost immediately and Kaeya chuckles at the look of surprise.

“It wouldn’t kill to get some sleep.” He declared matter-of-factly, stepping into the room with his usual bravado. Diluc is relieved to see him relaxing in the manor but rolls his eyes at the comment anyway.

Suddenly more self-aware, Diluc began trying to flatten the wrinkles in his dress shirt and trousers. The bare bones of his usual appearance almost made him feel vulnerable.

He turned in his chair towards Kaeya while fixing the loose tie around his neck. The Captain was pulling a chair from the corner and facing it so he could sit nearer. When he sat, Diluc ran his eyes over the man. But he looked fairly comfortable, back in his usual fashion minus the fur and complicated vest. And he didn’t seem tired, which made sense considering he’d slept for nearly half a day.

Diluc began tying his untamed hair back, struggling with the tie as his hair kept getting caught in his knots. He glanced up at Kaeya, who was watching him struggle with an amused smile on his face. 

Before the silence could become any more awkward, Kaeya filled it with his perfectly curated words. “It’s a shame you don’t take care of your hair. Crepus had only promised to let it grow if you kept that promise,” At the mention of their shared parent, Diluc’s eyes snapped up, eyeing Kaeya’s expression. He kept his gaze to the floor for a moment before finishing off the thought and looking back up, “I could do it for you.”

Diluc sighed, “No no, that’s alright. I think this should..” He pulled the knot tight and brought his hands down to his thighs, exasperated. “You’re right, though. Father,” He emphasized— he had noticed Kaeya’s use of the man’s name instead. “Would be disappointed to see me this way.”

There was a sudden uneasiness in the air, silence fell over the two men as they thought of their Father fondly. Diluc glanced up at Kaeya for a moment to catch him staring at the floor, similar to yesterday except he was much more present. The tycoon caught himself wondering what Kaeya must have gone through after their Father’s passing. He cleared his throat to try and clear the thought from his mind, the Captain looked up at the sudden noise. 

“How are you doing?” Diluc asked genuinely.

The man shrugged in response, “Not too bad. I feel rested though, which is surprising honestly. And what’s kept you up seemingly all night?”

Though Diluc was hoping for a more detailed explanation of how the man was doing. Hell, what would be most helpful would be if Kaeya created a detailed description of every one of his emotions and laid them all out in front of him because Diluc wasn’t one to know how to read in between the lines. But he didn’t press further and chose to be glad that the Captain was able to share what he did. Still, he couldn’t help but shake his earlier anxiety and curiosity.

“I wish I could be sure. There are things I would like to talk to you about—“

“When do you think I’ll be able to take a walk? I won’t go far, but I’m starting to feel like I’m suffocating in this stuffy mansion.” 

Diluc couldn’t help but sigh at the man’s obvious deflection of the topic, but he did want Kaeya to open up when he was ready. Not just because he was forced into it. 

He dropped it, moving to answer Kaeya’s question. “I’m glad you asked. I figured you would be okay going into the city later today to grab what you need from your flat…” Kaeya seemed to tense a bit, so Diluc went on. “And Albedo has opened up his schedule to meet us there.”

The Captain’s eyes widened slightly, and Diluc fought his mind to not let himself slip. “I apologize, I thought it would be nice for you. You seem to be…close. If I’m wrong then—“

“It’s not that Diluc, don’t worry. I appreciate you considering that, I just worry how he’ll…react, I suppose.”

The bartender visibly relaxed, and the smallest smile met his face. Comfort settled between his ribs, knowing that he had done something helpful for Kaeya.

Diluc sighed contently and turned away from the man sitting across from him. He began to sort his desk as he spoke, “I understand. I take it that will be alright with you? Heading to your flat, I mean.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed how Kaeya began to fidget with his fingers in his lap. As if he had been waiting for all eyes to be off of him to relax fully. “I don’t have much of a choice,” He laughed once, but it came out more like a scoff. “I understand that I— despite my interest, am confined to these walls. To taint the walls of your distinguished manor with my presence would be my greatest pleasure, Diluc.”

The man’s sarcasm had always done a dangerously good job of irritating the tycoon. He stopped what he was putting away to listen before turning around to look back at Kaeya. 

The look on his face was a complete deadpan as he asked, “Is that really what you think?”

The Captain had expected the irritation, but not the genuineness of the question. An acute nervousness arose in the back of his mind as he stared back at Diluc’s unamused expression. Somehow, he even let himself forget to quit fidgeting.

Kaeya swallowed the lump in his throat— quite literally. “I can’t imagine you not being bothered in the slightest that I’m here. That temper of yours might need some work.” He added a small laugh at the end— a futile attempt at taking the attention off of his words. It died down just as quickly. Diluc was quiet for a moment, only adding to the awkwardness.

He wasn’t even sure why the words bothered him so intensely, or why he’d chosen such a childish way of conveying his feelings. Diluc knew that his actions could easily have caused Kaeya to think that way about the situation. There was more hurt than anything, but he couldn’t help the irritated tone as his words bubbled over. Perhaps it was Kaeya’s intention that bothered Diluc most— knowing that he meant to drive more of a wall between the two of them with his words. Something that has proven to work well for him, even now.

The silence was lifted as Diluc finally spoke, “To clarify, I am not burdened by your stay Kaeya,” He turned back, and let the hostility disappear on his breath. 

Patience. He’s doing this on purpose.

Diluc met Kaeya’s eyes whose face seemed stuck in subtle surprise, speaking began to prove difficult as it really struck him. That simple reassurance to the Captain that he was not causing trouble could leave his eye tainted with so much hurt.

Though Diluc had planned to finish that sentence— to say something vague about how he was planning on doing what he could for Kaeya, he couldn’t bring himself to in fear of the man’s reaction. He cleared his throat and turned back to his desk, making sure to be fully turned away so that Kaeya could relax when no longer under his gaze.

He heard Kaeya sigh and stopped fiddling around with the stack of papers for a moment— which he wasn’t doing much to, except for nervously shuffling around. Nothing came from the Captain as he’d hoped, but he let that go as well. 

“Since you’re already dressed, you’ll need to get breakfast before we go. Adelinde will be up all too soon as well.” 

“I trust you’re paying the kind woman well. I’m sure you caused her excessive stress.”

Diluc narrowed his eyes at the unnecessary comment but cracked a smile, “I’m the high-maintenance one?” 

Kaeya chuckled softly. He placed his hands on his thighs and stood, letting out a small groan which was a glimpse into just how exhausted Diluc knew he must have been. 

It was an odd feeling— wanting to somehow constantly watch over Kaeya. Worried that if he looked away for even a moment, he’d blink and the man walking away now would no longer stand in front of him. As if Kaeya was fragile, and could fall apart if he dared to look away. 

Diluc had to reassure himself that Kaeya wasn’t gone yet.

Before he left the room, the man glanced up and watched as the Captain walked away ever so calmly.

✦✦✦✦

Sure enough, the scent of sweet breakfast lingered in the air and the sound of Adelinde politely ordering around the younger maids. Kaeya was sure if she saw him she’d insist that he come eat breakfast right away. So he snuck his way to his room just to get a moment to himself. He didn’t necessarily feel terrible, other than the growing ache in his head, but he also didn’t feel very real. When he woke up, he’d completely forgotten where he was. And he had rested so long that it was like he was still stuck inside of a half-conscious mind. On top of that, talking to Diluc so casually wasn’t helping. There was a weird sense of surrealism that came with it, a lingering feeling of dread. Despite that, Kaeya couldn’t deny that he felt genuinely okay for the first time in the past two weeks.

It was odd like this though, like he was being treated like a child— or someone who couldn’t be trusted to make decisions for themselves. As he picked up his earrings and gloves from the side table in his room, he entertained the thought of Diluc inside his home. Maybe he did mind, in the slightest, that the tycoon was acting annoyingly normal. Stepping into Kaeya’s life with no warning all of a sudden. Overwhelming as it was, these decisions had been made for him. He sighed as he slipped on his gloves, a little disappointed with his vulnerable position.

And, as much as he wanted to stitch up his wounds on his own— pretend there was nothing more to say— he would have to tell Diluc the truth eventually. 

There was a sudden knock at the door, “Kaeya,” 

Evidently, Diluc had taken notice of his absence at the table, this over-protectiveness was so unnervingly unlike him.

He took long strides to the door, not bothering to reply before opening it. The red-haired tycoon stared back at him with curiosity.

“What were you doing?” He asked, deadpan— yet his tone was accusatory. It ticked Kaeya off in the slightest.

He crossed his arms, “Nothing suspicious, Diluc, I assure you. I came to grab my gloves, that’s all.” Kaeya retorted. 

Diluc seemed to back down, “..Right. Well, breakfast is ready. The sun has only just risen, meaning the majority of Mondstadt is still asleep. It’d be favorable for us not to be seen, I figure you don’t want rumors to stir.” 

There was a more familiar Diluc, only concerning himself with business and suspicious beyond belief of Kaeya’s activities. The Captain silently preferred it this way. 

Kaeya half shrugged, humming a slight acknowledgment. “People will talk either way, but I understand. No use standing here then.”

 

---

 

Once Kaeya had requested that they walk their way to the city, it wasn’t shocking that Adelinde sent the two out with a long lecture. She demanded they stay out of trouble, as Kaeya is still recovering. It was much more shocking that Diluc gave in to the idea with little to no effort. Maybe he saw that all Kaeya wanted was a change of scenery, or perhaps he had his own thoughts on the matter. The brisk morning air and the sound of the rocky trail under their feet created a serene atmosphere for the two. So as they walked, a basket in hand— full of snacks and medicine from Adelinde as well, nostalgia was impossible to avoid.

Kaeya was the first to mention it— he hated silence. 

“We used to walk these paths when we were children, remember? I think I’ll miss the smell of the grape vines…”

Diluc’s head whipped around to look at Kaeya at the mention, but the Captain seemed to be unbothered as he looked upon the grass. He swallowed dry, “Once we find a way to help you, you’re free to visit the manor anytime. As well as the grape vines.”

Kaeya only hummed in reply, not completely acknowledging what the man had said. The sudden tension created was more than uncomfortable, the Captain wished to fill it with something more lighthearted.

He cleared his throat, “So…my secret is out then?”

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

Kaeya scoffed, “About me and Albedo. I take it you know we are more than friends?”

He watched as Diluc’s expression turned to confusion, “It was a secret?”

“Well— yes. I’m sure it is much less obvious to others.” 

“You’re sure?” He joked.

Kaeya smiled, but his ears were slightly flushed pink at the attention towards his relationship. Diluc went on,

“I’m not surprised, to say the least. He seems to make you quite content.” There was a pause, filled with Diluc’s awkward half-smile that was a sad attempt at trying to look less nervous.  

“And from what I know, the Alchemist is a good man, and his intimidating reputation precedes him.”

Kaeya looked over curiously, “Does it?”

Nervously, Diluc scratches the back of his neck, a little embarrassed.

“Understandably, he had his reservations towards me when I first reached out to him…Albedo was just being protective over you, I can’t blame him.” Diluc did not have to specify why for Kaeya to understand.

“And what made him change his mind?” It was obvious Kaeya was good at interrogations, every question being meticulous and deliberate.

The question was bound to come up, but it still made Diluc swallow dryly. “...I just talked to him– about you. Safe to say, he doesn’t trust me completely but enough to help me help you.” Even if Albedo would likely tell Kaeya the truth himself, Diluc could not admit that he had spent an hour in tears convincing the man that he only had Kaeya’s best interests in mind. The realization had hit him like a brick, Kaeya needed help. 

But current Kaeya clearly found the idea hilarious because he snorted, and then immediately covered his mouth. “Sorry, it is not funny,” Diluc shot him a glare. “I appreciate you going so far to..help me.” The words sounded like they were difficult for Kaeya to even say, and the lighthearted moment seemed to fall right out from under their feet.

“Kaeya…he cares for you. I’m sure you know that.” 

The knight sighed, knowing what Diluc was implying. “…You want me to let him help.”

“Naturally.”

He took a moment before speaking on the matter, it was honestly a little disheartening to feel so pressured. “You have to understand, this could do more harm than good for him. I don’t wish to see any of you, especially Albedo, lose your breath over me when I could very well be beyond help. You don’t know him like I do— Albedo will spend days in his lab, forgetting about his own needs for a useless cause.”

“You aren’t a useless cause—“ He sounded disappointed.

Kaeya shot the man a look, “I hadn’t meant that.” However, it wasn’t not true.

“But you implied it. Albedo wants to help, I’ll ensure for you that he’s settled. If you know him well, you’re also aware he is not going to simply give up on you either.” 

Kaeya couldn’t grace that with a response. Kaeya Alberich; famous for his ease with words, was at a loss for what to say. 

He wished he could have just forgotten those words, but they proved to linger in his mind. Diluc’s actions had consistently shown that he didn’t trust Kaeya to take care of himself, but offering to let others do it instead left an odd taste in his mouth. 

The rest of the walk was quiet on account of Kaeya’s newfound lack of confidence, though they talked about trivial things. Which were much more monumental to them than they would seem, like the new menu at Good Hunter or how the sunset was calming. Simply talking like this felt like a breath of fresh air after being in a locked room. As they approached the city walls, Kaeya felt a deep sense of paranoia. As if someone was going to somehow uncover his identity, his secret. He sifted through the ideas in his brain quietly, what to say to the guards and how to answer any questions. Before any of these thoughts became reality, he noticed Albedo standing a couple of paces from the edge of the lake. 

The alchemist wasn’t focused on anything in particular and hadn’t yet seen the two men. Kaeya glanced at Diluc, who understood what he was asking and nodded to let him know it was planned. Kaeya immediately began to walk over to Albedo, the weight somehow falling right off his shoulders like slipping off a coat. His unbalanced posture relaxed and his face did nothing short of light with energy.

“Bedo,” He called gently, and Albedo turned around in an instant. 

Albedo’s eyebrows rose, and there was a small hint of a smile on his face that nobody else except for Kaeya would have noticed. Walking up to the alchemist, the first thing Kaeya could do was pull him into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around his partner, relaxing with the man’s warmth. 

Albedo returned the hug, clearly holding as if this would be last. “Kaeya—“

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

Albedo scoffed, though it was shaky like he could cry. “Do not lie.” He hugged tighter, not wanting to let go of Kaeya like he was slipping from his fingers.

They stayed for a moment, Kaeya finding his serenity in the way Albedo’s soft hair felt between his fingers and the scent of Dragonspine noticeable on him. It was near impossible for even Kaeya to keep himself from tearing up, despite his neutrality towards his death, he hugged Albedo like it would be one of the last. In case it was.

Albedo was the first to pull away, looking up at Kaeya with a lifetime's worth of words stuck in his throat. His fingers lingered on the Captain’s as he stood close, forcing himself to find the courage to speak.

“I’m sorry for walking out like that. I was…in disbelief, maybe. But I can look at this with a clearer head now.”

Kaeya watched his partner intently, tracing every inch of him with his eyes hoping the memory of the man would never fade. He could see the tiredness in his eyes, and he was sure Albedo could do the same. It was as simple as his heart beating to look at the man before him and feel content. For a moment, the trials of his life did not matter nor did the feeling of his consciousness slipping around him feel like drowning. There was the calm he had not known for long, but he was sure to relish in it while he could.

Albedo’s brows furrowed as Kaeya simply stared back at him instead of responding, the look of innocent concern made him laugh. “It’s alright, Bedo.” He smiled, wiping the blur from his eyes so as not to make him worry. “I don’t want to keep Diluc waiting, he’s never been very patient.”

Albedo smiled back, peaking his head out from Kaeya’s side to gesture at Diluc to come over. The captain moved aside in the slightest, a habit engraved into his mind— not to let others approach you from a blind spot. He thought about it as the tycoon approached and barely recognized him speaking. It was moments like these where he found himself trapped in his mind– losing semblance of the world around him that felt the most isolating.

He cleared his throat, trying to focus on what Diluc was saying without drifting off someplace again.

The man’s attention lay between the two lovers, feeling like he had interrupted something even though he was invited over. But as always, he spoke with purpose, “I believe Jean has told the knights that you are working on a Fatui investigation with me. And so I doubt the guards will ask. We can be quick if you would prefer, Kaeya.”

The Captain nodded, not feeling like he needed to say much more. Now wasn’t the time that he was feeling at his most sociable, which is more than understandable. However as the conversation went on, fatigue began to settle and the brain fog Kaeya was experiencing made it increasingly difficult to focus. With anxiety also pricking at his attention, it was too difficult for him to concentrate on any words either of the men were saying. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to miss anything too important because they made it to his apartment without interruptions. 

But now that he stood, unlocking the door with practiced movements the worry grew heavier on his shoulders. As if he was hiding a dead body from Diluc—really, there is no reason for him to be so afraid. This was his home, a place where the walls sang of his vulnerability and where the deafening silence of loneliness filled the air. As he stepped in, breathing in the scent of familiarity allowed him to relax in the slightest. Albedo— of course, having been here numerous times, switched on the light. The apartment opened up into his small living room, the kitchen connected on the left with a set of narrow stairs in the back. 

Diluc stepped in last, taking in his brother's flat— a place he had regrettably never seen. Kaeya noticed his wandering gaze, analyzing everything he could see currently. He shifted his weight uncomfortably, waiting for something to happen.

“Is there food in the fridge?” Albedo asked, thankfully breaking the silence.

Kaeya smiled a little guiltily, “There likely isn’t anything perishable, I don’t think you should worry.” Even though this took the task of cleaning it out off their plate, it still let a glimpse into the Captain’s life and his, well, questionable eating habits.

“I’m going to head upstairs to get myself what I need. Feel free to do as you please.” He added finally before heading off to the stairs. Kaeya was half expecting someone to follow him– not that he was planning on doing something reckless but he figured someone else might think such.

Kaeya’s room was much more lived in compared to the rest of his home which was comparably empty and untouched. He forced himself to try and find only necessary things, using the task to fill up his empty headspace.

✦✦✦✦

“Do you think he would mind if I looked around?” Diluc asked, eyes wandering the home.

Albedo was off to the side, looking through a bookshelf Kaeya had in the far corner of the living room, “Not particularly, he would appreciate it if you were mindful not to move things around.”

The tycoon took the reassurance and began to walk around the space in front of him. He wondered for a moment if Albedo was just saying that, because this was Kaeya’s home, he felt so deeply that he wasn’t allowed to be here. As if he was hurting the Captain just by being here, but nevertheless, his curiosity got the best of him. The place was decorated in ways that were so obviously Kaeya. Small collectibles littered the shelves from his travels, and the look was tasteful but in its own way. But Diluc couldn’t shake how untouched it looked, as if the man was never here. Perhaps this was another show he put on downstairs.

Diluc looked over to the alchemist who he had only met briefly before this occurrence. He had to blame himself for being envious that the man was given so much attention in Kaeya’s life. Able to enter his home when he pleased, and travel up and down the stairs without worry. Even if Diluc knew it was only fair— because Albedo had earned that trust, whilst he had not. Diluc had done nothing brotherly to allow the Captain’s mercy.

Once again, like a curse, silence grew heavy in the room— accompanied by the gentle noises of Kaeya’s rustling upstairs. Diluc cleared his throat, attempting to make conversation.

“The place is rather…” He started, but he seemed to have startled the alchemist who was in thought. Albedo turned around rather quickly, but remained perfectly composed, and replied with a small “hm?”. Diluc felt like he was challenging him to make any negative comment towards Kaeya’s life— he immediately threw his defenses up.

“I only mean that Kaeya does not seem to be here often: the fridge is empty, and the living room looks rather untouched.” 

Albedo visibly sighed, still looking as calm as ever. He turned back around to again face Kaeya’s bookshelf, still flipping through the books and occupying himself with searching through trinkets he had seen time and time again. The tycoon stood slightly awkwardly between the sofa and wooden table, awaiting a response.

“I suppose you aren’t wrong, he rarely is in his own home,” Albedo spoke as he walked towards the dark blue armchair that was right to the sofa. When he sat, Diluc did as well, “I’ve noticed he prefers it that way. Of course, his work also makes it difficult for him to be home often in general. Even in his down time, Kaeya’s either in the city or in my lab…he prefers to not be alone.” Diluc watched him flip mindlessly through the pages of the book he was holding as he spoke.

It made sense, fit for a man like Kaeya but it was eerily upsetting. What was the man so worried about that did not allow him to rest by himself? Diluc recalled a couple moments he had picked up in the past few weeks, and before he could stop himself he was already asking.

“..For a few weeks, Kaeya would come into the tavern but not drink— which was unusual for him. I see that now, he liked to simply be around others. Though he started ordering again not too long ago.”

Diluc was truly deep in thought, not realizing that this whole situation had caused him to look so deeply into Kaeya’s actions. He looked at Albedo, who finally actually looked at Diluc upon hearing this. 

The alchemist shut the book and seemed to sink into the armchair out of exhaustion, “Yes I— a little while ago I began to see the extent of his dependence. It was hard on him, so he would spend the day away in the Tavern. You can tell he appreciates a distraction, which is why he probably picked up the habit again once all…this started.” The man brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly before settling with his hands in his lap. His head fell back, and he watched the ceiling with an undeniable sadness. Diluc had not known the Alchemist long, or personally in any way, but it was evident that even such a composed man like him was hurt by the idea of losing Kaeya. The only person who did not understand why, was none other than Kaeya himself.

In their silence, Diluc thought about what Albedo had said and it bothered him to realize that everyone had seen Kaeya’s problem but him. He had been so frustrated with himself for choosing to ignore the obvious– and now, he was unsure how to repair what he had lost. The tycoon’s attention was brought back to the room as Albedo began to speak,

“Diluc, you have to speak with him. I find it creditable that you do all of this,” He waved his hand in the air as if gesturing to the man’s attempt at reconciliation. “But you can not let it be that easy for you. You do not know Kaeya, or what he has been through. If it’s difficult for you, you can trust it is ten times harder for him, but he will never admit it.”

Albedo seemed to somehow have read Diluc’s mind, but he could not find the courage to say anything in reply. Instead, he looked down at his fidgeting hands as the alchemist went on.

“If you really want to help, you have to start at the root of Kaeya’s insistence. Walking into his life like this, going through Jean and I? Kaeya can’t see what you are doing for what it is, he’s hurt by you. You can’t ignore all that pain that you were gone for just to be part of this one. And if you can’t talk to him– admit your faults, then I urge you to leave now, because he does not need that from you.”

The man let every word pour into his mind, “I know, you’re– you’re right. I need to talk to him, he needs to know that what I did was…” Diluc tried to get himself to voice his thoughts, but it was like he had swallowed a rock.

Albedo sat up, “It’s okay, I am not the one that needs to hear it, save your words for Kaeya. I am trusting you to keep him safe in the manor because I know he can be unpredictable here in the city. But that can change very quickly, and I have no problem walking him out of there myself, you understand.”

Again, the knight's tone caught Diluc off-guard, wow he really does glare. “No, I understand. My intentions are only out of care, you are putting trust in me that I have done nothing to be deserving of, which I appreciate. I will…continue to work on having a conversation with him.” He rubbed his eyes tiredly, the lack of sleep has been catching up to him this entire time.

The alchemist sighed before standing up. “Good,” He placed the book down on the wooden table before starting to walk towards the staircase. “I’m going up to talk to Kaeya, feel free to make yourself some tea.” 

As Albedo’s footsteps ascended up the stairs, Diluc’s eyes were trained on the fireplace. It looked to be untouched, which was surprising considering the winter months here in Mondstadt. 

“Oh,” Diluc had realized why. Of course, Kaeya is afraid of fire. Afraid of fire because of him. Right, last night had proven that. 

The tycoon forced the thought out of his mind as a pounding headache crept up on him, and instead walked over to the mantel. Despite not having been lit, Kaeya took the liberty to decorate it nicely. There were a few framed photos of Kaeya and Albedo, some including a young girl which he recognized from the Ordo. In the middle, there was a stick drawing done in Crayon, clearly meant to be the centerpiece. It included a tall stick Kaeya, with presumably Albedo on his right and Klee holding his hand on the left. Diluc couldn’t help but smile to himself imagining the life his brother had made for himself.

There was one photo, not framed like the others. Rather, it lay completely forgotten under a frame. Diluc slipped it out from underneath and his heart sank when he saw what it was. The photograph was clearly older by the looks of the yellowing, but it was of Kaeya. A much younger Kaeya, specifically 16. Diluc knows that because he is in the photo as well, having freshly turned 18. Had he not been in it, he would not have been able to recognize the man at all because Kaeya had scribbled over himself in marker. 

Diluc stared at the photo for a moment in shock. He wanted to cry, to go up and hug Kaeya and tell him that he was so sorry. But he didn’t. Instead, the man folded the photo in half and slipped it into his pocket. 

Exhaustedly, Diluc slipped off his coat and placed it over an arm of the couch. Without really thinking, he slumped down into the armchair himself and sleep washed over him almost immediately.

As he slept, his hand remained in his pocket, holding the photo almost protectively and quietly promising that he would never let it go again.

Chapter 8: To be Known, is to be Loved

Summary:

A bit of Albedo's POV as he copes with the possible loss of his lover.

Notes:

AM I BACK OR AM I BACK?!?!

Truthfully, Albedo was beyond glad to have finally made it out of that room. The man was using all of his currently available rationale to school Diluc, while also worrying about Kaeya who was most likely worrying about him over anything else. Despite Albedo not enjoying his role as mediator, he did not mind the hassle for his partner. His partner who he could not guarantee enough time with, but Albedo could not in any way let himself believe that this was it. When trying to accept that fact, he had found himself clinging onto poor Klee in a desperate attempt at keeping himself together. So instead, Albedo occupied his mind with solutions— which he was much better at than emotions— to soothe himself. And he has been using that to keep himself together because Kaeya has to get through this. He…he has to.

As Albedo approached the bedroom, his heart sank to see that Kaeya was not there, “Kaeya?” Immediately, the man’s mind began to race as he frantically left the room. 

“Kaeya?!” Albedo called out again, this time panic had settled farther into him. 

Before Albedo could turn to rush back downstairs, Kaeya appeared out of the bathroom, holding his toothbrush and a couple of other items. The man looked confused, of course he was, because nothing was wrong. And yet Albedo had panicked anyway, not even sure what could have happened. All he knew was that the first thought in his mind was that Kaeya was gone. 

He cleared his throat, “You’re– you’re here.” Albedo declared a bit stupidly.

Kaeya took a step closer and a small smile crept onto his face, “I am, Bedo. I’m right here.” He leaned down and gave the alchemist a small kiss, an act so frequent but it seemed to relax both of them. 

Kaeya sighed, “I’m taking full advantage of Diluc’s consideration,” He turned and began to make his way around his room, Albedo followed not too far behind. “Hell, I don’t even need half this stuff, but it’s taking up Diluc’s space– not mine. Knowing that I will sleep very well.” He shrugged and the alchemist didn’t have to see Kaeya’s face to know he was grinning ear to ear.

The Captain walked away from the small duffel bag on his side table. Albedo stood there, absently fiddling with the items as Kaeya went over to his closet. He sucked in a small breath before speaking again, “Sit, Kae. I’ll do it.”

Walking over to Kaeya, Albedo put a hand on the small of his partner’s back— reassuring him that it would be alright to sit down. Understandably, the Captain looked back at him with confusion. “It’s alright, I am sure I know better than most what Captain Kaeya Alberich needs on the daily. You’re tired, so let me do this for you.” The alchemist met the man with a smile, which seemed to bring some light back to his face.

“Is this pity? I do not take kindly to charity, I’ll have you know.” Kaeya joked playfully as he began walking backward towards his desk in the corner. 

“Not in the slightest, only care. ” 

It was nice to hear Kaeya’s laugh, even if it was weaker and lacking his usual liveliness. Albedo knew that this was Kaeya’s attempt at making this in any way easier, even if it was a crude picture compared to the man when he truly was feeling himself. Despite this worry, the Alchemist could not, in good conscience, rob Kaeya of this bit of normalcy. Albedo was quick to busy himself by shuffling through Kaeya’s closet, picking out a few clothes he knew the man was comfortable in, and throwing them over his left arm.

In the back, Albedo could hear Kaeya gently humming to himself with the occasional scratch of a pen filling the room. Of course,  the two could discuss hundreds of things regarding Kaeya’s condition, but Albedo was sure Diluc was explaining enough for Kaeya’s fragile mind. Instead, he allowed the man space to cope as he pleased without bringing too much onto him. Albedo could allow Kaeya the space to be comfortable and vulnerable in a way that Diluc could not. Also unlike a certain short-tempered redhead, Albedo could recognize Kaeya’s unhealthy habits much quicker. This way, he could ensure that Kaeya was being given as much space as possible without walking on eggshells the way Diluc had to.

Determining that the stack of clothes on his arm was plenty for Kaeya, Albedo turned around to face the man as he began folding. Kaeya looked up from his doodling, nodding in shocked approval. “Wow, you weren’t kidding.” 

Albedo rolled his eyes, “No, I wasn’t. It isn’t tough to decipher your closet.” 

The knight turned fully in his chair to see Albedo. He was slumped in it, clearly evidence of his exhaustion. But he challenged anyway: “Remind me, why I am chained to dear old Diluc’s manor?” There was a smile on his face, but the question was much more genuine than he would like to admit, which provoked an honest answer.

“You are not chained, Kaeya, and you know why. I can’t promise to be completely unbiased, nor do I have the means to watch over you and try to find a cure.” Albedo tried to hide his guilt in a place where Kaeya would not be able to find it.

A small sound of acknowledgment came from him, but nothing more. The mention of Albedo’s potentially risky cure created an obvious tension in the room. This was true for many reasons, but simplest of all, it was Kaeya’s hesitation towards being cured at all. Nobody dared mention it; unfortunately, Albedo would not be the first to. He glanced up at Kaeya, who was uncomfortably picking at his fingers in his lap, his eye trained downwards in nervousness.

But Archons be damned if it stopped Kaeya from being curious, he cleared his throat and attempted as normal a question as he could manage. “And what…is going to be of this cure?”

Albedo sighed, “I’m not sure yet. But the hope is that using my combined knowledge of K’haenriah, and Sucrose’s of the visions, I can create something to stabilize your abyssal energy. This reminds me, I have a few questions for you before you leave but it can wait.” With the last of the folding being done, Albedo walked over to Kaeya and set the stack down on his desk.

Kaeya remained looking down, even when Albedo gently slipped his hand between Kaeya’s two fidgeting ones, “Kae.” The Alchemist called gently, his tone having shifted completely with his partner's mood. It was not new to see Kaeya in an exhausted, depressed state but this felt like it had seeped into his very bones. Settled in Kaeya’s fragility and found a home there. 

“Hm?” The Captain finally looked up, but his mind was clearly absent. Albedo’s brows furrowed, sympathy written all over his face. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” It was nothing more than an invitation, meant to make Kaeya feel encouraged– not forced.

He shrugged, “Not particularly. ” All the energy had suddenly been drained from the man’s voice, and his efforts to at least sound awake were futile. He swallowed the exhaustion, trying to tuck it away nicely the way he did with anything else. 

Albedo raised a hand to his partner’s face, “It’s okay.” He whispered. The Alchemist cupped Kaeya’s cheek, shocked to be met with how cold the man was. The Captain leaned into it, and when he let his eyes fall shut, Albedo had to fight himself not to beg them to stay open.

“You’re cold.”

“I am.” He grumbled.

“ Kaeya.” 

Kaeya opened his eyes, “ Okay , okay. It isn’t anything to be worried about, I promise.” He sighed, sorrow heavy on his breath. He took Albedo’s hand on his cheek into his own and down to his lap as he leaned forward, letting his forehead fall onto the Alchemist’s stomach.

The two stayed that way for a moment in silence. No force from the heavens or the stars could move them now . Tenderness hung in the air and it was just that, like a soft song on the lyre, their affection picked up in the wind and took it wherever it needed to be. It was painfully easy to melt into the affection. Albedo brought a hand to Kaeya’s hair, and the other arm fell naturally around his back in an embrace. It was gentle but meaningful. 

“I know this is hard for you,” Albedo started, his seriousness hardened in his face. “But I will be there, even when I’m not at the manor. And you will be alright.”

Kaeya hummed in response,  almost sounding as if he was falling asleep. Even so, Albedo was sure his eyes would open when he said, “I love you.” Albedo did not say it often. It simply was not in his character, and he did not have to say it for Kaeya to know it was true. Despite that, when he did, it was significant to them both.

It brought a smile to Kaeya’s face, seeing how Albedo catered to him when he knew Kaeya would need it most. He looked up to his partner, “I love you too, Bedo.”

With that, Kaeya straightened out so that he could stand up. He held Albedo’s face in his hands and leaned down again to kiss him as if realizing he might not be able to for a while afterward. Kaeya pulled away, leaving one last kiss in the Alchemist’s hair. 

Albedo sighed, knowing they could not stay this way forever. “Diluc is waiting on us downstairs.” He reminded.

In turn, Kaeya groaned and rolled his eyes in a dramatic show of exasperation that Albedo knew was overplayed– but he smiled anyway. “Rightt,” The man dragged out. “Fine, I just want to grab a few more things.” Kaeya began rummaging through his drawers, most likely stalling rather than actually looking for useful items. But Albedo was in no place to stop him, he would try and trick time if he was in the same position.

Now, Albedo took a seat in the desk chair as Kaeya looked around. “You don’t have to leave just yet, I still want to ask you a few things.” He said as he absently flipped through the pages of Kaeya’s earlier doodles. Stars and flowers mainly, but there was a Dodoco here and there— Klee’s influence, naturally.

“Mhm?” Kaeya’s short response clearly showed his reluctance to speak on this topic. 

Either way, Albedo hoped his findings would be useful in his search for a cure. He chose to start simply, not looking at Kaeya so that he may feel more inclined to relax. “Frostbite and fatigue are two symptoms, are there any others?”

“Uhm,” Kaeya hesitated. “Not really. I can’t really tell you how it’ll progress but right now, it’s just that. And not being able to use my vision, any time I try to connect with any sort of celestial power, the frostbite and pain start again.”

Albedo wrote his response, smiling to himself at having to work around Kaeya’s doodles. “Right so, no out-of-body experiences? Like disassociating or—“

“No, nothing like that.”

“Okay, noted. The Abyssal energy in you is trying to escape, in a way?”

Albedo noticed Kaeya shrug as if this was nothing. “That sounds so niche, but it’s the only way I can think to describe it. It needs fuel to thrive, it needs to be used. But I haven’t— I can’t. All of this causes frostbite and weakness, and that is what is…killing me.”

The words made Albedo’s breath hitch. Maybe, if he had been strong enough , if had asked, if he could anything then Kaeya would still live—

“Alright.” Albedo cleared his throat.  He tried to write more when he found that he had ripped a hole into the paper with how hard he was pressing the pen. The Alchemist clicked his tongue and quickly pulled out a new sheet of paper to write on. 

A small part of him hated that as they talked, even when Kaeya mentioned his passing, it seemed to come easy to him. Albedo knew it was not Kaeya’s fault— he could not control how he felt but how can he pretend it does not bother him so well? Knowing this could be their last interaction, how can he speak so well? How can he be so prepared to leave so stupidly early? But if Albedo were honest with himself, he would be able to recognize that under all of this anger, he is afraid. Because their time together should have never even feared limitations, Albedo should not have to count the minutes and hope the next one passes by with Kaeya in it . Albedo truly only means to ask, how could fate have been so unforgiving?

Despite battling with his mind, Albedo was able to do it in silence as he asked Kaeya a few more questions, hoping that one would lead to the answer he needed. It was not long before they were both done with the tasks they needed to complete, Albedo tore the sheet of paper out of the journal once he was done.

Kaeya zipped up his bag and began to make his way to the door, “Alright, I guess that is the last I will see of my home for a while.” He laughed a bit nervously, “Are you coming?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ll see you out.” Quickly, Albedo folded up the sheet of paper and followed Kaeya down the stairs.

Reaching the bottom just a moment after Kaeya, Albedo stopped in his tracks when he saw his lover standing near the living area with his hands on his hips. The Alchemist tried to look over to see what he was staring at, “What–”

“Shhh,” Kaeya snickered, “He’s asleep!” He exclaimed in a whisper.

Shockingly enough, the dignified Diluc Ragvindr was asleep and splayed out comfortably in Kaeya’s blue armchair. 

 

✦✦✦✦

 

The sight was not surprising to Kaeya, in the least. He had seen Diluc’s eyes in the morning and recognized the plain exhaustion in them. He had seen it countless times in the mirror. Even as he laughed, a faint uneasiness settled in him realizing he had no idea what to do. Here his estranged brother was, sleeping soundly in Kaeya’s apartment where even Kaeya felt he had no place. It was so domestically tranquil, that it felt like chaos. 

In desperation, Kaeya turned to Albedo, who blinked at the man’s comedically horrified expression. “Should we…wake him?”

The Alchemist huffed a laugh, “Preferably. You both should be heading back soon.”

Hearing Albedo say it so casually had left Kaeya completely defenseless. 

Nothing could go wrong, it was just Diluc. Diluc who tried to kill him, and Diluc who is Mondstadt’s personal vigilante, but nothing bad could happen. Kaeya faked a laugh but it came out more like a strained nervous noise.

The man silently walked over to the armchair and stood to the side. He placed his hand on Diluc’s shoulder and whispered, “‘Luc? Hey.” The nickname slipped off Kaeya’s tongue, barely even crossing his mind. He fell so easily back into hope.

“Hm?!” Diluc shot up, bracing his hands on the armchair as if preparing for battle.

When he was not met with the battalion he expected, the man’s eyes wandered as he registered his surroundings. Diluc looked behind him where Kaeya stood, desperately trying to cling onto the last bit of composure he had before he laughed in Diluc’s face.

“Oh.” Diluc cleared his throat, clearly a bit embarrassed. He sat up straight and rubbed his eyes. 

Kaeya could not help the small laugh that escaped his mouth, “Sorry to wake you.”

“No no, it’s okay. We should leave soon, anyway.” Diluc looked up from his hands and down at the duffel back he was carrying, “Do you have what you need?”

Kaeya nodded. “But,” He hesitated, looking back at Albedo as if seeking permission. “I was going to make a cup of coffee if you can wait a bit.”

Diluc looked at him as if he was reading his face for any sort of suspicion. Leave it up to Diluc to make Kaeya feel like a criminal, “You could have asked Adelinde?” He questioned.

It took all the Captain had to not walk away, for Star’s sake, he can be trusted to make himself coffee. But he swallowed his frustration, speaking to Diluc in precise words to try and hide his irritation. “I did not want to bother her, and I would like to do something myself. As I do every day .”

Even if Diluc was bad at picking up emotional cues, it was obvious he had struck a nerve with Kaeya. It bothered him that he did not know why. “Yeah, okay, go ahead.”

“Thank you, brother mine .” Kaeya bowed his head sarcastically before going off.

It was true that the kitchen was empty for the most part, but coffee he always had on hand. Blame it on the regular hungovers, maybe. It felt nice to finally be doing something for himself, a bit of normalcy in a situation that was entirely unknown to him. Kaeya enjoyed his lone mornings, something he had not been given in days. So, he took advantage of the time he did have and did his best to remain calm with Albedo’s comfort in mind.

Anyone who knew him would know that Kaeya takes his coffee with no creamer, just sugar. As he reached for the jar on the top shelf, he suddenly felt like his knees were going to give out beneath him. Quickly, he braced himself on the edge of the counter. Usually, he could blame a dizzy spell like this on lack of breakfast, but Adelinde ensured he was more than full before they left.

Kaeya shut his eyes, taking a deep breath as he willed the spots in his vision away. He tried to ignore the incident, silently hoping that he would not bring any more attention to himself if he started fainting haphazardly.

The Captain watched the steam rise from his mug and he stirred in his spoonful of sugar. Kaeya focused on the way it twisted into the air and then disappeared as if it was never there at all. Bringing with it warmth and the smell of coffee that Kaeya loved. His hand began to tremble slightly as faintness washed over him again. Kaeya’s eyes narrowed as he watched his hand tremble for seemingly no reason. In frustration, he brought up his other hand and rested it on top of the trembling one, trying to steady it. He swallowed and slowly grabbed the cup with both hands.

Turning, Kaeya realized how light he felt, as if a fever had bloomed. “Damn,” He cursed under his breath, still trying to convince himself that he was fine. 

Rather than asking for help, Kaeya kept walking towards the leaving room. The spots in his vision bloomed, but he knew how to handle being lightheaded. Just before he made it out of the kitchen doorway, a sharp pain hit him in his chest. 

“Shit!” Kaeya cursed in pain, immediately going to grab his shirt and dropping his mug in the process. The sound of the shattering ceramic startled him again, one hand went to the wall to help stabilize himself.

Clearly having heard the struggle, both Albedo and Diluc ran in. The Alchemist noticed the shattered ceramic first and he held out his arm to keep Diluc from going any further. 

“Kaeya, are you okay, hun? What happened?” Albedo asked as he cautiously stepped around the mess on the floor. 

The pain began to settle, but Kaeya’s nerves were still far too high. He let go of his blouse and held up his shaking hand as if to reassure, “I’m…fine. I just– I don’t know.” He managed between pants for air. The Captain tried to regain his vision, blinking away the colors in his eyes, he groaned a bit as reality started to come back to him. More than anything, he was shocked and confused as to why this was happening. The sharp pain in his chest though could only point to one thing, unfortunately. 

Diluc stepped closer. “Can I help you—” In concern, he brought a hand to Kaeya’s shoulder whose eyes remained fixated on the floor.

The random touch panicked Kaeya for a moment and he smacked Diluc’s hand away, looking up to him in anger. But his eyes softened to be met with Diluc’s concerned and almost hurt expression. Hurt? For him?

Kaeya straightened himself out a bit, “Sorry, I— I need a minute.” The words came out strained, but Kaeya forced himself through the doorway before either of them could say anything.

Both Diluc and Albedo seemed to understand the request, because neither came after him as Kaeya made his way to the living room. He sat himself on the sofa, facing away from the doorway. He rested his elbows on his thighs and immediately, his face fell into his hands. Kaeya tried to rub the exhaustion from his eyes. His hands were ice cold against the sensitive skin, but it was more grounding than anything. Kaeya needed that, because regrettably, he had worn his gloves in some episode of responsibility.

Kaeya turned the moment around in his mind, trying to make sense of it. It was random and intense, but mainly Kaeya hated how he felt like he had no control over his own body. He felt like a puppet to his own creation, to be tossed around until he could give into his past. Kaeya opened his eyes, still too frustrated to look up from his feet. 

The sound of heavy footsteps approached behind him; Diluc, no surprise there. 

Big brother to the rescue, funny. He thought. It was fueled by frustration, he knew it, but he had no energy to fight the bitterness. 

Kaeya moved his hands to hold the back of his neck, weighing it down a bit in hopes that it would calm his nerves. In his peripheral vision, he could see that Diluc walked up right beside him, but looked forward towards the fireplace with his hands in his pockets.

The man sighed heavily, “What was that?” 

Kaeya scoffed, “Not ‘ are you okay’? Are you sure you aren’t the alchemist? I’m starting to feel like an experiment.”

Kaeya did not know it, but Diluc held the photo in his pocket tighter. “I’m sorry. I did not think it was a fair question…I only mean to ensure that you’re safe.” He replied, trying to remain calm as Kaeya deliberately provoked him.

The Captain faltered a bit hearing Diluc’s authenticity. Kaeya grabbed a fistful of his hair as he let out a shaky sigh. “I think I’m alright now. It was a dizzy spell, I don’t know why, but I know it’s the…y’know.” He deliberately left out the bit where his chest contracted like it was crushing his heart. Kaeya did not want to bring any more attention to his condition.

“Okay,” Diluc said flatly, biting his tongue. “Are you still able to make it back to the manor?”

As if to prove that he was alright, Kaeya stood up, using the arm of the sofa to help himself up. “Yeah, I am.” To be honest, he could not be sure what sort of state he was or was not in, but it did not matter much. Not to him, anyway. 

“Tell me, if there is anything at all, Kaeya.” 

The Captain looked at Diluc finally, but his eyes remained trained ahead of him a bit distantly. Kaeya made a noise of acknowledgment before announcing that he was going to say goodbye to Albedo. 

The Alchemist was sweeping in the kitchen, once again taking Kaeya’s problems and making them his own. Before the man could protest, Albedo held up a hand.

“I know what you’re going to say, but it’s fine. I got it.” Albedo reassured. He propped up the broom against the counter, watching Kaeya’s eyes. It was obvious he was looking for any evidence of pain or discomfort, but there was none left to hide. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Kaeya nodded, “Yeah. I told Diluc; it was just a dizzy spell.” 

Albedo walked closer and slipped a hand into Kaeya’s, raising an eyebrow at how cold he was. “I promise.” He smiled, bringing a hand to his lover’s neck and holding it gently. 

Albedo hummed, “Alright. I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“Mhm.” Kaeya mumbled before leaning down and giving him a kiss. The two lingered for a moment, as if it would give them all the time in the world. 

When Kaeya pulled back, he caught a glimpse of the yearning in Albedo’s eyes. It was brief, but it was enough to make Kaeya hesitate. He wanted to stay here with the man he loved most, lest this be a final chance. 

Noticing the tears forming in Kaeya’s eyes, Albedo knew he had to force himself to move away. “Shh, it won’t be for long. I will see you soon.” 

Both of them knew there was no way to guarantee that, but Kaeya himself believe it anyway. They made their way out of the kitchen together where Diluc was waiting at the front door, ready to go. Albedo said his goodbyes to the both of them before seeing them off. It was more than strange, being seen out of your own apartment, but Kaeya had never been there often anyway. 

The walk was silent until they made it outside of city walls. Diluc had clearly been discouraged by their interaction in the kitchen, but he was still determined to have his questions answered. 

He cleared his throat, trying to seem casual. “Can we talk about yesterday?”

Kaeya had seen the question from miles away by the look on Diluc’s face. “I was just panicking, it all seemed to hit me at once.”

Diluc looked over, a bit suspicious of his plain answer after avoiding it for hours. “Really? But you were saying things that I did not understand.”

“It happens, I don’t really remember it very well at all either. But I would blame that on panic, too.” Kaeya said flatly, it almost sounded rehearsed. 

“So, it was not directly related to your abyssal energy?” 

“No, it wasn’t.” Kaeya did not hesitate. 

To Diluc, it was a bit underwhelming. He had expected it to have been a symptom of Kaeya’s worsening condition, or worse. He felt a bit… silly having been so anxious. He was not used to worry affecting him this much, Diluc had spent the past four years teaching himself how to detach from emotions. But when it came to Kaeya, he could not seem to stop worrying. But, he was happy to know that Kaeya was alright. 

The walk went smoothly from then on, and the two were able to make simple conversation. As they spoke, Diluc could not stop thinking of the image in his pocket. He used it as a reminder to himself, that there was still a long ways left to go between them. 

Notes:

Kaebedo makes me physically ill by the way

Chapter 9: Ashes of Frustration

Notes:

This took wayy too long to write but Im super happy with how it came out!!
TW!! This chapter includes mention of suicidal thoughts and a past attempt!!

Thank you to my ANGEL moot @spexxid on Tiktok for beta reading and being such a huge motivator!!<3

“Days are long”, 

 

Is the only way Kaeya could think to describe his seemingly perpetual apathy. 

Adelinde’s question had caught him slightly off guard. He did not wish to overwhelm her, so he settled for, “Days are long.” A painful understatement. 

The woman sat next to him on the front steps of the manor outside, where Kaeya had been looking for fresh air when she joined him. The manor was empty of Diluc, who had left early in the morning. Undoubtedly, to avoid Kaeya, whom he had argued with just the night prior over some sarcastic comment on his absence. Kaeya had thought nothing of it at that moment, but now, it played dimly in the back of his mind. 

“This worked out so well for you, didn’t it? So glad that a 4-year leave was just what you needed.” 

It had not been long since his stay officially began, four days really. But it felt more like weeks for Kaeya, barely registering the sun’s rising and setting. Even so, describing to Adelinde how his days seemed to blend sloppily, how trying to ignore the craving for alcohol kept him awake. Or how each moment was just another hand-over-hand.  

Adelinde was quiet for a moment, waiting for Kaeya’s signature flare or a sly comment towards Diluc and how he does not deserve her cooking. 

But it never came.

 

“You think I have everything? You have no idea what I lost! ”

 

Kaeya did not understand. Diluc’s eyes burned with something that was not akin to rage. 

The silence made Kaeya cringe, he must seem pathetic. “I’m alright, Addie.” He added on quickly, turning to her and smiling. It was not forced, but surely she thought so. Kaeya wanted her to believe it, he wanted to leave her with a kind image of himself. 

The look on her face was so hardened in worry that Kaeya could not look at her much longer. He huffed a laugh and nudged her shoulder, “Your cooking gives me all I could ever really need.” 

Adelinde seemed to lighten, and she smiled as she looked out into the field ahead of them. “I would hope so, you were never the picky one. Diluc, though? Oh, he gave me the worst time.”  

“I remember!” Kaeya seemed to perk up, “He used to pick the tomatoes out of his food and give them to me, I almost forgot about that.” He smiled and then laughed as the memory played itself in his head.

Adelinde only laughed in response, it quickly fell to a dull silence. Kaeya rested his chin on his hand, taking in the summer heat. Reminiscing felt so correct for the moment. The sun was high in the sky, and the day was warm with a slight breeze. Sunshine snuck through the gaps between the grape vines, creating shadows and rays that made Kaeya oddly nostalgic. He always remembered his childhood with Diluc as a warm day in early Spring. Running between the vines and then being scolded lightly for breaking twigs. 

 

“You seemed to move on just as easily, Kaeya. You made the perfect life for yourself by the time I returned!” 

 

Perfect. The word stung like vomit in the back of Diluc’s throat the moment he said it.

 

But it was true, he had believed it for so long. 

 

As Kaeya played with the cuffs of his loose blouse, Adelinde brought a gentle hand up to the back of his head. She ruffled his hair a bit as he turned to her, her face one of familiarity as if she was remembering the same things. 

Slowly, Adelinde brought her hand down and sighed, “Your Father would be proud of both of you.”

“Mm,“ Kaeya hummed, trying his best to focus on her words. 

The woman sighed, “Did you sleep well, then? Diluc mentioned you had been up late, he was the one who asked me to bring some tea for you last night.” She added on as if it were nothing. 

Immediately, those words caught his attention. Kaeya turned to her, the surprise was clear on his face. Adelinde, obviously, found his expression to be confusing. 

“You’re always so expressive.” She huffed a laugh. “He just wanted to be sure you were able to get plenty of rest.” Kaeya quickly cleared his throat, trying to recover from his shock. 

“No, no. I just…” He paused. “I didn’t think he would be up so late as well, that's all.” 

 

“I have not had it easy, Diluc. I apologize if coming to terms with that brings you inconvenience.” Had been Kaeya’s immediate response. 

 

Diluc stood silent for a moment, like a deer in headlights. The man took a deep breath and abruptly started for the door. 

 

“No, it’s—“ He stumbled, “I had always thought..Excuse me. Have a good night, Kaeya.”

 

And that was it. 

 

The woman waved her hand, making a small tsk sound. “Oh, that’s nothing. Diluc is always up too late!” She chimed. 

Kaeya raised his eyebrows as if he did not already know, “I guess you’re right.” He smiled that same, reminiscent smile.

“I believe we are expecting special guests today,” She urged, smiling with that knowing glint in her eyes. He had to stop underestimating her, as little goes on here that she isn’t privy to. Adelinde began as she stood up, wiping the dust from her apron. “Master Diluc should be home soon as well.  I want to get a head start on lunch for everyone.”

This made Kaeya smile, he had missed both of them more than he would like to admit. The Captain stood up and followed Adelinde back inside, clearly a bit more relaxed and energized. Once in the kitchen, he stayed in the doorway and leaned against the frame for support. Adelinde's gaze pierced through him, raising an accusing eyebrow. 

She clicked her tongue, crossing her arms. “You're not going to help me, Sir Kaeya. I have a team of maids in this manor, I will surely put them to use.” The woman’s expression hardened. 

“Surely, I can be allowed this one freedom.” Kaeya chimed and dragged his words childishly. Adelinde could not help but laugh at his theatrics. 

The woman waved her hand. “Fine, fine,” She turned to Kaeya dramatically and pointed a finger at him, “Just this once!” 

 

---

 

Let it be known that Kaeya is certainly no cook, but being a Cavalry Captain trained in sword fighting is undeniably handy when Adelinde asks you to dice vegetables. He enjoyed helping her around the kitchen, and together, they had prepared an impressive spread of sandwiches and soups, enjoying the time they got to spend. Kaeya found himself feeling the most relaxed he had in days. Even with shakily sick hands, chopping radish was oddly therapeutic for him.

“Kaeya, grab the plates, please!” Adelinde called out from the dining area. 

To which the Captain appeared, a stack of plates in one hand and a jug of lemonade in the other, “Already ahead of you.” 

Just as he placed the plates down on the table, the front door swung open. In walked Albedo and Diluc holding Klee’s hand. A twitch of jealousy sparked in his gut. Kaeya made a stupid face of confusion as he walked over, “Well, what’s this, Klee?” He asked jokingly, referring to her sudden friendship with Diluc.

As soon as she saw Kaeya, Klee’s little face lit up in excitement, detaching from Diluc and running right for him.

“Mister Kaeya!” She exclaimed and jumped right into the Captain’s arms, he made a small noise of surprise before adjusting to hold her between the crook of his elbow. 

Kaeya ruffled her hair gently. “I missed you, too, firefly.” He smiled and turned his attention to Albedo. 

The Alchemist walked over with the same look of content he always had whenever he saw Klee and Kaeya having fun. He put his hand on Kaeya’s arm, “Hey, honey.” He whispered. 

Kaeya leaned over to place a kiss on the top of Albedo’s head, “I missed you too, don’t worry.” He looked accusingly at Diluc and turned his attention back towards Klee.

“Last I checked, Master Diluc was a ‘ grumpy old man’ . Have you chosen my older brother over me?!” Kaeya feigned shock, bringing a hand to his chest dramatically. 

Klee looked like he had deeply insulted her, “Nu-uh! That isn’t true!” She looked towards Diluc, who had a hint of a smile on his face.. “Tell him, Mister Diluc!”

“Yeah, tell me, Mister Diluc!” Kaeya joined in.

The winery owner chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest before explaining. “Klee is surprisingly stubborn. She told me, ‘ If you let me play in the river, I won’t think you’re grumpy anymore.’ I said yes, but I had no idea she would truly take it to heart.”  

Albedo chimed in, “Wise not to underestimate her, she’s quite determined.”

Klee huffed proudly. Clearly enjoying all the attention she was receiving, and it made them all smile to see the little girl so excited. It was rare to see Diluc so unguarded, but it was obvious that even someone as stern as him couldn't help but feel Klee’s childlike enthusiasm. 

“Hmm,” Kaeya put a finger on his chin. Slowly, he set Klee down and kneeled in front of her. “We will go play in the water. But first, Adelinde and I made a very special lunch for our very special guests.” He stood enthusiastically, gesturing at the set table. 

Immediately, the little girl ran towards the table and began pulling out chairs for everyone to sit at. Her backpack lay forgotten on the floor, and Albedo leaned down to pick it up. He stood back up and gave Kaeya a look,

“You cooked, you?” The alchemist teased. 

Kaeya shrugged as he walked past Albedo and towards the table, “Barely, but I made myself useful.” 

Once Kaeya had settled at the table, he was quick to notice Diluc’s absence. Even Adelinde had sat down without much convincing. A quick scan of the room was all it took to see the redhead standing awkwardly near the door.

The man crossed his arms. Diluc cleared his throat, “I have work to attend to. You all should enjoy your meal.” 

Before Adenlinde could speak up, Kaeya called him over. “Nonsense, Diluc.” He gave Diluc a sympathetic look, “Join us, please.” 

Diluc shifted uncomfortably on his feet, hesitating to take the invitation. Kaeya felt terrible seeing the man walk on eggshells for him , it was unnecessary, especially now. 

“I don’t want to intrude—“ Diluc started, but was drowned out by hurried responses. 

Adelinde stood to bring out a chair for him, and Albedo placed a plate down in front of the empty seat. None of them had an issue with Diluc joining them. 

“Honestly, you aren’t intruding at all.” Kaeya smiled, hoping it would be a little reassurance to him. The room seemed to freeze expectantly, or perhaps it was just Kaeya’s nerves. 

Thankfully, Diluc caught the man’s smile and returned one of his own before making his way over to the table. He sat at the chair left for him in front of Kaeya, settling nicely in as everyone began grabbing food. He watched the redhead for a moment, noticing the slight apprehension in his usually quick and confident actions. A slight guilt crept up on him when he realized that Diluc was only hesitant because of him. 

The thought was quiet, even in his buzzing mind that seemed to whisper a million words at once. But as if the man had picked up on some unintended frequency, Diluc looked up right at Kaeya and met his eyes. The redhead smiled, deeply genuine and with warmth that did not come from his Vision. It was fragile, meant to be picked apart and seen as a thank you. 

Kaeya smiled back, giving a small, awkward nod. It was all he could think to do. 

Casual is what it was, and in this moment, Kaeya felt stupidly lucky. Something he was not, he swore to the stars that if he complained of the heat, the Archons would make it scolding hot the next day just to forsake him. Fate seemed to spin on its heel and become misfortune for Kaeya, but here, now , he felt lucky. It was unlike him to relish in it, but he let the feeling sink into his chest and find home there. Even if it was just for a moment. 

A small hand came to Kaeya’s side, tapping on his shoulder. Klee had stood up on her seat to lean over as far as her little body could and grab the man’s attention. He looked at her, questioningly. To which she gave a toothy smile.

“Pass the butter, please!” Klee declared in the most refined way that only a kid so untamed could do.

She nearly tumbled right over onto Kaeya’s plate, and he gave her a laugh, “Of course, my lady.” Klee took the butter happily and plopped right back into her seat, prompting a laugh from Adelinde. 

Kaeya turned to Albedo, 

“And who exactly has been corrupting the sweet girl with table manners? ” 

“ Well,” Albedo started, “It’s most likely Jean. It isn’t you , for certain.” He joked as he placed a small sandwich on Kaeya’s plate.

 “ Eat.” He pushed, but it was more lighthearted than anything. 

“No need to be polite in this manner, dear.” Adelinde smiled at the little girl the way a kind woman would. “Certainly not. Sir Diluc here was quite the troublemaker himself!” 

Diluc looked up from his plate, clearly having gone a bit pink, “I was a polite child.” He managed to choke out. 

“Mm,” Kaeya mused, skeptically tilting his hand in the air, “Debatable. Did you know, Diluc used to replace the rainwater for the vineyard with lemonade?” He said it like it was a horrible crime to get a reaction out of Klee. She gasped, putting her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. 

“That was one time, Kaeya!” Diluc tried to argue, but his face was too red with embarrassment, and his voice was too high to gain any sense of dignity back. 

“It was truly a scandal, Father had him cleaning the porch for weeks!” 

Diluc seemed to double down; he turned to Klee and leaned in as if he were about to tell a secret. “Kaeya was no better. Once, he put mustard in Father’s shoes.”

“Well, that’s just unfair, you dared me!” The Captain immediately ran to his defense. He even gave Albedo a look of betrayal when he caught the man chuckling at the embarrassing recount of his childhood adventures. 

“Not you too!” Kaeya whined, nudging the Alchemist’s shoulder. 

It only made Albedo smile wider, “I had no idea that either of you were so mischievous .” He stopped dramatically, looking concerned, “I beg you, do not rub off on Klee.” 

Laughs echoed throughout the room, as if the walls had been built just for this reason. Kaeya and Diluc began to go back and forth, and at some point Adelinde was forced to intervene when their joking tones became too cold for her liking. Of course, they would water it down to simply trying to entertain Klee. But more than anything, they were entertaining themselves with remembrance. Letting it take a breath of fresh air.

It was not long until Klee had forced everyone up and off the table. She was far too eager to wait for everyone to properly finish eating.

Kaeya tried his best not to trip over his own two feet as the little girl hauled him to the door by his arm.

 “Klee! Hold on for a second, silly,” He stopped before she could march out the door. 

“I can’t go playing in the water like this, now can I?” He gestured to himself, clad in his silk dress shirt and high-waisted pants with various chains and accessories dangling off of his outfit.

The girl replied by huffing, she crossed her arms, and looked away the way Kaeya had taught her to when she really wanted something. Thankfully, Albedo stepped up next to Kaeya to help convince the stubborn child. 

“You can’t have as much fun if Sir Kaeya isn’t comfortable, Klee. Just give him a moment, alright?” The Alchemist asked in a low tone, much more decisive than Kaeya could ever be.

Easily, Klee gave up her stance and agreed happily. She could not hold up the mean look even if she wanted to. She had always been too sweet to say no, essentially to Abedo. Kaeya spun on his heel, walking backwards towards the stairs as he yelled out to them both, “I won’t be long!” 

Kaeya sprinted up the stairs and began looking through the stack of clothes he had folded up on the desk in the corner of the room. The closet was, of course, empty, for him to fill as he liked. But he did not want to burden every wall of the manor with his life, in case he were to leave it all behind abruptly. 

Again. 

As quickly as he could, Kaeya threw on a sleeveless top and his only pair of shorts.

Klee called his name from downstairs. “ Damn ,” Kaeya threw down his clothes and went straught for the door, leaving his appearance as a complete afterthought. “Coming!” 

Downstairs, Kaeya looked left and right for the redhead who had so briefly shown his face. 

“Where’s Diluc?” 

Albedo shrugged, “He excused himself to do some work.” The Alchemist looked at Kaeya a bit skeptically, eyeing him up and down before gently asking, 

“Are you ready?”

Kaeya was about to pass some sarcastic comment about the man’s hesitance, but he looked down to find the reason why staring right at him. Pinkish scarred skin lined his exposed calves and parts of his arms. There were valleys on his limbs where skin had melted and formed into something odd and discolored. He had been deeply bothered by the scars at first, but he had forced himself to live with the reminder.

 Kaeya swallowed dryly, “Yeah, no. It’s fine, let’s go.” He scrambled together, hoping the faster he said it, the more truthful it'd be.

The Captain explicitly avoided Albedo’s pointed look as he grabbed Klee’s hand and excitedly began muttering to her about the fun they would have. As always, he held the door open for Albedo and then joined him down the path, newly lined with Spring flowers and warm sun. Kaeya swallowed his uneasiness, as if it were never there at all. He held Klee’s hand to still the tremble in his own, and reminded himself that Albedo stood next to him.

Pavo Ocellus. To hide ugly realities behind a layer of charm and elegance. 

“Look, look!” Klee chided excitedly, almost jumping up and down as she pointed at a few Cyro Slimes on the edge of the water. She turned to Albedo with her biggest smile, “Big brother, can I pleasee !” 

Albedo looked a bit conflicted, not wanting a very eager Klee to get hurt amid her fighting. 

“Only if I get to help you, okay?” 

The Alchemist looked over to Kaeya, looking for confirmation that it was right with him. Kaeya shrugged, “Don’t look at me, it’s your call.”

And this was them for hours as the little girl played. Eventually, Kaeya was dragged into the freezing water and forced to stand knee-deep in the water for the majority of the time. The water seeped through his clothes and grounded him, even as he caught Albedo’s concerned looks from the corner of his eye. Kaeya had always been cold, even before his vision, and he seldom found it burdensome. But the cold of the Abyss? It burned and gnawed at his ribs like a wild flame. He rid his mind of the thought. 

“I can’t take much more of this splashing, Klee!” 

“Why not?” She asked incredulously, in the innocent way that only a child could. 

“Because it’s getting dark, spark knight, you’ll catch a cold!” Kaeya yelled as he ran towards her, swooping the little girl up in his arms. She kicked and struggled in his arms with her little fists as he cheerfully made his way back to Albedo. 

Kaeya set her down, he held his arm out to block her from running right back into the river. “I believe this one is all yours, Bedo.”

Albedo chuckled softly; he always did. It was never loud or obnoxious like Kaeya’s cackling whenever someone cracked a good enough joke, but it could fill rooms. The blonde leaned in, bringing a much-needed warmth to Kaeya’s lips. The man’s hand lingered on Kaeya’s, maybe just to feel his skin, his pulse. While he knew it was there. 

“Klee and I can walk you back to the manor before it gets dark,” Albedo offered as he brought Klee’s defeated hand into his free one. “And change out of those clothes when you get back, you’re soaking.” He pointed out and gestured to Kaeya’s shorts, which were, sure enough, drenched in cold river water. 

The walk back was much longer, all three of them having been tired out from playing around. Kaeya kept an arm around Albedo’s shoulders, seemingly more relaxed. Usually, Albedo would chastise him for getting his blue button down wet, but Albedo let him do it anyway. His other hand held Klee’s to keep her from skipping ahead of them.

The sun had begun to fall below the horizon, painting the sky deep shades of purple and magenta. 

Dusk,

Kaeya thought,

It’s dusk. 

Albedo asked what his chuckle was for, but he waved it away. 

Saying goodbye to Albedo and Klee again was something Kaeya had not readied himself for. On the Dawn Winery’s porch, Kaeya hugged the man a bit tighter than he would have, his fingers desperately sinking into the blue fabric of Albedo’s shirt. If he noticed, he said nothing. Choosing to hold him a little closer.

Silently, the Alchemist rubbed his back, knowing that there was no point in asking to confirm what he already knew was true. Instead, he kissed the top of Kaeya’s head softly as it rested in the crook of his neck. 

Albedo smiled and made his tone lighter, “Don’t miss me too much. You might end up blizzarding all of Mondstadt.” 

Kaeya looked up with surprise at Albedo’s joke, his eyes lit up slightly.

“Alright, alright.” Albedo smiled, removing his hands from Kaeya completely, “I’ll come by soon, Kae, sleep well.”

The moment passed as quickly as it came, and the door shut with a distinct click. Kaeya brought his waving arm down, sighing. 

The weight of his own body suddenly felt so much heavier. 

He dragged himself away from the door, fighting the urge to walk out after Albedo. As he kicked off his shoes, Kaeya felt his fingertips, trying to hold the feeling of Albedo in his heart when his hands could not. 

The plan now was…

Get upstairs. He could go from there. 

Turning around, Kaeya was met with a familiar redhead, who stood a few feet away, straight as a pin. Diluc’s face had paled, the emotions on his face few and far too many. His mouth was slightly agape and Kaeya’s heart panged with the realization that he had only seen this once before— The night Crepus died.

Kaeya bit his cheek, “What?” He mumbled out, dumbly. He followed Diluc’s eyes down to his bare legs, covered in burnt skin. 

The sharp realization hit Kaeya in his ribs. He looked back up at a shocked Diluc, the man who gave him the scars he had so stupidly on display. 

All Kaeya wanted to do was run, get out of there. His skin itched, it burned. 

“Shit, I’m—“ Kaeya started, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you would be home.” That was all he could manage. He was sorry. 

Diluc seemed to come out of his odd trance . “No, no, don’t say that.” He stated much more sternly than he had meant. The man stepped forward, he saw Kaeya flinch. It was small, but it was there. The slightest blink, and Diluc stopped in his tracks. 

✦✦✦✦

It was never supposed to be this bad. Why had Kaeya not been healed? 

Diluc’s mind yelled. But why not get help? Why hide? 

What should he do? 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorr—

The world seemed to buzz, it was nauseating. 

✦✦✦✦

Kaeya watched as Diluc stopped and stared holes through him; it was almost painful. The man took on an expression that Kaeya could have never imagined, fear and anger, and disgust — 

Slowly, Kaeya walked closer, trying to keep himself calm to face what was in front of him. The Captain spoke gently, “Diluc, hey.” 

Diluc looked up at him, eyes slightly wider than usual. “ I did that to you.” It was more of a statement, rather than a question. 

Kaeya let out a breath, realizing how tense the man seemed. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He searched for something to say, some way to avoid this, but even Kaeya knew when he couldn’t deflect his way out of something. 

“How about you sit down?” Kaeya settled. Diluc barely nodded in response, and he led him to the living room.

If Kaeya were a braver man, he might have been able to meet Diluc’s eyes. But he could not bring himself to see the disgust that he was sure was there. Uncomfortably, he rubbed the back of his neck as they sat on the couch. He hoped Diluc would stand up— leave, for Archon’s sake. Going back and forth was exhausting. Kaeya craved the familiar comfort of holding him at a distance, of knowing where they stood. 

Diluc turned to face away from Kaeya, his arms resting on his thighs, and his hair covered the side of his face. He was the first to say, “You didn’t…You aren’t healed.” He stated, clearly a little confused. 

Kaeya swallowed the discomfort in his voice, “Burns from a Pyro vision are recognizable. They would have charged you with assault, so I just…“ 

He tried to find a word to describe how it felt to bandage his wounds each night. Watching his now ex-brother's vision flicker as he cursed the one bestowed to him, “I handled it.” 

Diluc looked up, his expression was completely unreadable to Kaeya. Why did it have to be so complicated? A matter of wringing hands and uncomfortable silence, when this is so unworthy of bringing up. 

The tycoon sat in silence for a moment, burning holes into the floor. Diluc’s brows seemed to furrow deeper and deeper as he searched for his words. 

Diluc mumbled, “I was so reckless .”

It was quiet, but it stung Kaeya’s eyes. It took all of him not to physically gag at the thought of this conversation. Alberich, a name so often associated with confidence and wit, did not fit the man it belonged to. Not now. 

Even though Kaeya felt sick, Diluc just kept going.

Had he no pity? 

“I never should have hurt you.“

Kaeya shook his head, “No, no. Diluc, stop that.” His words were shaky and shallow as his breathing quickened with his heart rate. 

Diluc doesn’t know . 

The man seemed dead set on finishing his words, he put a hand up to stop Kaeya from speaking, “No, listen. You need to know that I’m sor—”

“ Please , stop .” 

Kaeya begged, more vulnerable than he would have ever allowed himself if he were not cold to the bone. His heart throbbed between his ribs, knowing where this conversation would lead. 

The request seemed to frustrate Diluc— good. He looked at Kaeya with deep confusion, scoffing incredulously at his denial, “Why won’t you let me do this?”

Kaeya’s nails reached for his hands, only to be met with the leather of his gloves. He dug his nails in anyways.

 “It wasn’t your fault.” 

“What?” Diluc’s voice grew louder with his agitation. The color returned to his face, and so did his confidence; anger was the only emotion suited for Kaeya. “Well, it certainly wasn’t yours, either. Just let me—”

“It was.” He replied, shame sinking into each crack between his teeth. He did not deserve this apology, he was not worthy of regret. How can Diluc apologize when it was Kaeya who laid each brick just to watch it purposely fall?

 “You don’t understand,” His voice cracked,  “I knew that you would— I knew.” 

Kaeya swallowed thickly, each word stung like poison on his tongue. He wanted to cry, he wished he hadn’t made himself so desensitized to his feelings. Too much was left to explain. Kaeya wanted to drink each word like wine so that he wouldn’t have to speak. 

“What does that mean, Kaeya?” Diluc pressed, the irritation growing in his voice with each new breath Kaeya dared to take. He watched the man’s hands ball up into tight fists, a habit fit for someone like Diluc. 

The Captain laughed at the sight, it was completely hollow. He brought his hands up to his face to accompany the humorless smile on his face and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. He heard Diluc scoff and ask, “Is this a joke to you?! Take this seriously.”

Dramatically, Kaeya’s hands dropped back down to his lap, “ Fine.” He scowled to match the irritation Diluc was giving him. He took a breath, feeling the cold air through his nose and settling back into his character. 

“I provoked you. Knowingly, okay? It’s not your fault because I knew you would try and…” Kaeya paused, losing his composure slightly. 

You would try and kill me. 

“…But I provoked you anyway because it was what I wanted.” 

Immediately, Diluc stood up, refusing to look at Kaeya and face what he had just been told. It took the Captain by surprise, and he backed away on instinct. He could feel his nails now, even through the gloves. 

In the silence, he spoke up again, “I don’t deserve your apology.” 

“Why?” The redhead gritted through his grinding teeth. “Why did you do it?”

The question made Kaeya’s heart stutter. 

Why?

At some point, he had forgotten not to speak, and the words spilled out of him like he had pockets full of them. “I don’t know, Diluc. It was impulsive to use you. I had lied to you and Crepus, and in a moment he was gone.” Kaeya’s voice was uncharacteristically small. His tongue seemed to sting with the unsaid belief that he had deserved it.

The man felt so unbelievably dumb for trying to explain. It was as if the cold in his chest made him pliable. 

Diluc’s face went through layers of emotions, horror in his eyes as Kaeya laid out his guilt. The man expected more from Kaeya, for him to say that he no longer felt responsible. But the explanation never came, and regret twisted its knife until Diluc could not think.

To him, yelling was familiar, “You set yourself up?! And let me—” He trailed off, swallowing the last part of his sentence in frustration. 

Disbelief shrouded his mind, Diluc almost felt sick with it all. The more he wished to say, the bigger the roadblock in his head grew. The accusation terrified him, but it was true. Kaeya’s face dug up grief and betrayal that the man had spent years burying underneath Fatui bodies and workloads. 

Despite Diluc’s yelling, all Kaeya could do was stare up at the man, who was so angry at having been provoked, and yet here Kaeya was, pulling the same strings that made Diluc snap. The redhead glared back at him, waiting for a response. Kaeya only blinked away the burn of tears in his eyes, but sat unmoving and silent. 

The Tycoon rubbed a hand over his face in exasperation, “Of course, how could I have expected any further explanation?” He kept a hand over his eyes, trying to quell the fiery anger that followed him. 

“Sorry.”

Kaeya mumbled, it was near silent, defeated. He was sorry. 

✦✦✦✦

Diluc was sure he physically flinched at the sound of Kaeya’s voice— completely drained, genuine in a way that did not suit him. It caught Diluc off guard completely, his head swam as he tried to register it through his frustration.

The anxious feeling had not left Diluc the entire conversation, but seeing Kaeya so…self-satisfied, had sent him into a fit of anger. Each time the man deflected, each word was a pointed dagger at Diluc’s patience, ripping at all his remaining resolve. Unsurprisingly, Diluc was easy to ignore the precision in Kaeya’s actions. The man ground his teeth until his head hurt, watching Kaeya in disbelief.

Diluc pried his mouth open to speak, “I do not understand you.” The sharp tone remained, voicing the indignation he felt. But the scowl on his face had softened into a scrunched face of confusion and shame. He waited for a response, even a small acknowledgement, but the Captain stayed silent. “Archons, you could at least speak to me!” Diluc yelled in exasperation. 

The man in front of him seemed to shrink away more at the sound, but his face never lost its hardened expression. “It wouldn’t do any good.” Kaeya gritted in response.

The tycoon huffed in annoyance, “You are deeply mistaken.” It was a pathetic statement. It mainly came from Diluc’s frustration with himself, that he could not place Kaeya’s emotions without it being laid out for him piece by piece.

Before Diluc could scream something worse, his eyes trailed back to the hellish scars circling Kaeya’s skin. The infamous mark of his Vision, having seared his brother’s skin. His mind reeled, thinking back to Kaeya’s words, the implication that he deserved to die. It was true that Kaeya had provoked him, but he had still done it. Diluc was still responsible. He found himself balling his hands up into fists again at the thought that it would have worked. 

Slowly, Diluc began to see Kaeya’s motivation better. Even if it had been spelled out for him. 

A lump formed in his throat that was so fueled by disbelief just moments before. 

“You’re doing it again,” Diluc stated matter-of-factly, trying and failing to keep the harshness out of his voice. Kaeya’s eyes snapped up to him. 

The redhead hesitated, not sure what to do after he had already said the only thing he knew for certain. Kaeya opened his mouth to say something, and before he could, Diluc spoke up, “I should go.”  

I’m sorry. 

Diluc’s eyes dulled with quiet resignation, he looked down at the floor. Kaeya was silent for a moment before muttering a small, “Okay.” 

A silence fell over the room, and Diluc tried to force himself to speak any of the words and apologies whispering in his mind. It wasn’t long before he faltered and turned to make his way back to the office that was once his Father’s. 

The whole time, his hands remained fists at his sides, creating crescents that matched Kaeya’s. He left feeling unfulfilled, almost emptied. 

Slowly, Diluc closed the door to the study behind him and practically fell into his chair. The man stared at the floor where Kaeya had sat as he coaxed him back to reality. The sound of a door slamming came from above, but he didn’t react at all. 

Guilt wrapped itself around Diluc’s bones, reminding him that it ran through his blood. The frustration he had poured onto Kaeya now directed at himself as he remembered each moment of his 18th birthday in detail. 

The overwhelming feeling of unease, the smell of rain as his Father’s blood seeped through his clothes. The intense betrayal clouded his eyes as he swung his claymore at his brother. Kaeya’s refusal to fight back. 

Diluc didn’t even realize he was crumpling a stack of papers until they caught a small spark. Immediately, he patted it out. 

Even now, given the moment, Diluc tripped over his emotions. It hurt his head, and it hurt his chest to know that Kaeya barely even had to force his hand. The thought rolled around in his mind,

It would have worked. Kaeya would be dead. 

The sting of bile prickled the back of his throat. Diluc’s mind kept running circles around his regret. Kaeya should not be alone right now. He shouldn’t have left. He should have said something. But in fear of his anger, Diluc left. 

If Diluc weren’t so afraid to admit it, he might have wiped the tears from his eyes. But he didn’t. Instead, he simply wished he dared to turn those tears into words.

Maybe then, Kaeya would be honest.

Notes:

I LOVE fire/ice metaphors

Chapter 10: Okay?

Summary:

!!!This chapter includes descriptions of depression and alcohol withdrawal that might be triggering! As well as brief suicidal ideation, please keep this in mind before reading!!!

From dawn to dusk in the manor, there’s silence.

Notes:

HI ALL!! This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but Im already working on the next one so hopefully I can get it out soon! Ive been sooo busy with school, I tried to get them both done before tech week but it just didn’t work out💔 ENJOY!

Slowly, Kaeya peeled himself from the couch. His mind ran distinctly on autopilot as he forced his steps up the stairs, one foot in front of the other. 

Right, left, right, left. He thought, trying to distract himself from the panic settling into his body. 

Every step he took towards the door felt like one backwards, as if the room always stayed five feet in front of him. Kaeya felt disgustingly aware of himself: The trembling in his hands, the forced steadiness in his breath, the cold of the river water somehow traveling deep into his ribs. Most notably, the blood running through his veins. So very alive. 

The gloves on his hands kept Kaeya from picking at the skin, so instead, he found himself biting the inside of his cheek. He used the slight pain in his face to ground himself until he reached his room. The door shut with a much louder sound than Kaeya swore he had the strength for. Inside, the man let out a shaky breath as he lowered himself down to the ground against the door. Kaeya stared at the scars on his legs with blurry vision in the dark room, lit only by moonlight coming through the window. 

His skin began to crawl, he could feel every inch of himself that had been burned like a sharp blade. In the dim, silent room, Kaeya suddenly felt seventeen again,

Doubled over the toilet in some Inn bathroom. 

It was near impossible for him to dress his melted skin without feeling sick to his stomach. This time, as the feeling of raw skin and regret ripped through him, Kaeya could not keep his bile down. It had only been a few days, but there was already word of Diluc’s absence. It felt like sorrow had leached onto Kaeya upon hearing the news. He felt unbearably hollow. 

Saliva and blood stuck to him uncomfortably and he tried to will the shaking in his hands to stop. At that moment, Kaeya thought of the scars the wounds would leave. 

A reminder that his deception and betrayal was woven into him. It was the dirt underneath his nails and the sickening shiver up his spine. That night, Kaeya could not look at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t face his newly injured eye. The stars in his pupils brought him nothing but that overwhelming feeling of self-hatred that had driven him to provoke Diluc in the first place. 

Kaeya knew he was a liar. He expected to die for his sins. 

The man remembered how rough he was with the wounds. Never fully bandaging or cleaning them properly, resulting in the nasty scarring that he knew would never fade. With each passing moment, Kaeya grew more repulsed by the sight. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and quickly stood up to change out of the wet clothes. 

Through it all, the ache in his head persisted, a sort of migraine one would only associate with alcohol withdrawal. The craving for a drink hammered his mind. He ignored it, promptly, still somewhat convinced that he did not have a problem. 

If Kaeya was crying, he didn’t notice, nor did he care to wipe the tears from his face, let alone wash up before crawling into a bed that was no longer his. He stared up at the ceiling, hands crossed over his ribs. All of his thoughts felt muffled beneath his migraine, but Kaeya felt the resounding echo of their weight anyway.

“You’re doing it again.”

Diluc was right. Kaeya knew what would anger him, knew his silence was a knife and his deflection was sharp. He doesn’t remember when he started doing it on purpose. All he remembers fully was the distance in Diluc’s voice when he began an apology, and the immediate refusal in his mind to accept it. Kaeya had done nothing to prove himself worthy of an apology, and he sure as hell didn’t need one from Diluc out of what he could only assume was plain pity. Kaeya could not understand it otherwise, because the last thing Diluc would do for him is care. 

The burn scars littered around his bodies itched as if they were newly scabbed. 

The ceiling began to warp as exhaustion caught up to him. Before he fell asleep, Kaeya felt a familiar numb hollowness in his chest. Except now, it was freezing over. 

 

---

 

Kaeya awoke at what he could only assume was noon. The manor was quiet other than the telltale sounds of Adelinde in the kitchen, and Diluc’s absence. Immediately, he was nauseous, but the bed was quick sand underneath him and Kaeya gave into it. 

The world moved outside the window, but he did not. Each minute that passed Kaeya swore that he would be up in the next. He tried to find a reason to get up, but without one, Kaeya lay still in silence. Time passed unknowingly. 

Never once did Kaeya fall back asleep, his eyes would close, only to find the prospect of sleep impossible. He tried to convince himself it was temporary. That the numbness didn’t feel like it was filling his lungs with each sickening breath he took. 

Maybe tomorrow. 

 

---

 

Kaeya forced himself out of the bed. Dragging what felt like dead weight with each step, the man brought himself to the bathroom. To no surprise, the reflection in the mirror was an embarrassing version of himself. If Kaeya had the energy to feel ashamed, he might’ve. 

In practiced fashion, Kaeya made himself presentable. But his movements were slow and at times he found himself picking up the wrong item. He even struggled with his earrings from a few moments, dropping them multiple times with his shaking fingers before giving up on them completely. 

In the end, Kaeya splashed his face with warm water and reminded himself to breathe. Before heading downstairs, he threw on an extra cardigan in hopes that Adelinde would not notice his shivering. 

That day was quiet, Diluc was not home. 

 

---

 

Kaeya continued to try and build his energy. Too much, maybe, for he did not sleep at all this night. Adelinde caught him roaming the halls at 5 in the morning, she forced him to the dinner table and brought him something to eat. 

“You need to learn how to take care of yourself, dear.”

He tried to look like the words mattered to him, “Of course, Adelinde. Only with your help.”

Kaeya attempted to stomach it, but he took one bite of his toast before the nausea was unbearable. 

Still, he spent that day fairly active. He helped around the vineyard in the day to give himself something to do, and despite the sun’s raging, Kaeya still managed to feel cold. By evening, he was flipping through photo albums in the evening to fill his mind. 

Kaeya did all this to try and ignore his creeping sense of paranoia. 

 

---

 

The next day, Diluc was home, and it felt suffocating. Again, Kaeya tried to fill his day with activities and conversations to make sure no second was left empty for himself to think. But after every turn, was the same familiar fiery red hair. 

At some point, Kaeya had tripped over himself as he carried two heavy pots to the garden. 

“Are you…alright?” Diluc questioned, hesitantly. 

“Yes.” Kaeya bit back an irritated comment.

“So stubborn. Let me help—“

The Captain turned away before Diluc could grab a pot, “No. I got it, thanks.” He mumbled sarcastically before standing as stable as he could, and turned away. 

Kaeya nearly fell over when he was out of the man’s view. 

 

---

 

Kaeya awoke with a start. The images of burning buildings still fresh in his mind, those same screams that had taunted him since childhood echoing throughout the room.  Each memory is a shard of glass, and it cuts him when he tries to pick it up. 

His breathing was inconsistent, but Kaeya managed to remain decently calm. He could feel his nails digging half-moons into the skin of his palm, but didn’t do anything to stop himself. 

Suddenly, a small noise startled him fully awake. Already paranoid and overwhelmed, Kaeya instinctively shot a burst of Cryo to the far end of the room where he thought the noise came from. 

The pain was immediate. 

A sharp tightening in his chest, screaming at him for having relied on his Vision to protect himself. 

Kaeya shot up, gripping at his shirt fabric as the stabbing pain intensified, “Shit—!” He managed through gritted teeth. 

The sting of tears pricked at his eyes and all Kaeya could do was gasp for air in desperation. Each inhale was a knife that dug deeper into Kaeya’s lungs. He winced and shut his eyes, briefly entertaining the idea of holding his breath.

But as soon as it had come, it was gone. The pressure settled, and Kaeya recognized the grip on his shirt loosening. He was shaking like a child out of fear, staring down at himself in complete disbelief. 

Kaeya let out a choked sob. 

He leaned forward further, almost curling in on himself as he let his head fall into his hands. It took him a moment to realize that he had been crying, but his face was dry. Kaeya brought a hand to his uncovered eye to find frost over his eyelashes, cold to the touch. 

In frustration, Kaeya cursed, uncaring of what time it was or who might have woken up from hearing him. He curled in on himself, and his fingers went to his head to grab fistfuls of hair as he tried to calm himself down. 

Kaeya had never felt such an intense emotion that he could only describe it as being disturbed. His body worked against him in every way, pushing Kaeya onto the edge of a breaking cliff. His past was not a memory— nor did it haunt. It clung to Kaeya like a rabid animal, it burrowed and dug, leaving Kaeya no space to think for himself. The loss of control over his own life almost felt methodical. He was unable to use his vision, rendering him completely useless to Mondstadt— to those that had welcomed him with open arms, to the fools who thought of Kaeya as family. 

They failed to see the cracks, even if they were right at the surface, just restrung with a smile and a wave. This was Kaeya’s life. All about exaggeration and control. He would be an entertainer even as a corpse. But the energy in his chest continued to claw, taking all of Kaeya’s strength to not give into it. Even as it leeched on Kaeya’s control and reminded him of the burning ruins he left behind— the ones he was meant to save. 

To say Kaeya was simply tired would be absurd. No, this was a new sort of exhaustion that fed on the vulnerability of Kaeya’s weakened mind. 

I don’t need to be here. 

Kaeya rubbed his eyes. Shut up. 

Slowly, the Captain brought his hands down from his eyes and took in the slightest hint of light coming through the covered windows. Kaeya decided he should begin filling his day, lest he rot away in Crepus’s bedsheets. In sluggish motions, he threw the comforter off of himself. 

A slight shiver ran down his spine as he passed the mark of melting frost on the wall from where he had aimed his attack. Kaeya went straight to the window and pulled open the curtains. To no surprise, the sun had barely risen. A deep blue blanketed the entire field before him, it was quite pretty. Kaeya smiled, the sight motivated him just enough to freshen up. 

Kaeya washed his face with warm water, he knew it wouldn’t help with the chill he felt, but he tried anyway. Immediately, he reached for the eyepatch he wore daily and plastered it over his scarred eye. Usually, Kaeya did not wear one to bed, but he couldn’t relax in the manor at night without it. So, he had been opting for a silk one. Albedo had gifted it to him early on into their relationship when he realized Kaeya’s reluctance to take it off at night in his presence. Now, of course, Kaeya felt no issue with his scars around Albedo, but kept the eyepatch anyway. He had always been sentimental, keeping letters and trinkets for as long as he could. 

Thinking of Albedo usually would have delighted Kaeya, but he found himself feeling heavy as he made his way down the stairs. The idea of leaving Albedo hung over his head daily. Kaeya tried not to let it consume him, instead holding the time they had closely. 

“Kaeya?” A voice called from somewhere in the manor. 

The Captain gasped, flinching away from the noise. Immediately, his heart began pounding, but as his eye focused, the clear image of Diluc stood before him. Kaeya took a breath, sighing in relief, “What?” He asked. 

Diluc stared at him for a moment, looking a bit surprised or— annoyed? Kaeya wasn’t sure. Instead of replying to the man’s question, he stated, “You’re jumpy.”

“I don’t usually hear ominous whispers of my name, Sir Diluc.” 

“Even the Knights— incompetent as they are— do not jump at small sounds.” He spat back, his voice never once wavering as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

Kaeya nearly had to squint to make out the figure in the dark manor from down the hallway. 

“Have you slept? You look terrible.” Diluc deadpanned.

Now, Kaeya knew he had not done a perfect job, but he thought maybe the bags in his eyes wouldn’t be so noticeable if he acted lively enough. But damn. 

In return, Kaeya scoffed. “You’re up too, you know that, right?” Pointing out that Diluc was also guilty of sleeping improperly. 

The redhead, again, pointedly ignored the comment, getting on with his point.

“So, you’re paranoid and tired, but you’re still having trouble speaking,” He paused for a moment. “You really aren’t drinking.” 

The tension lifted from Kaeya’s shoulders at the statement, replaced with exhaustion. “Obviously not, Diluc. You’ve locked up every drop of wine and liquor in the manor that you have me stuck in.” The words dripped with venom-like irritation. 

Leave it to Diluc to assume the worst of Kaeya, that he must be going behind everyone’s back and sneaking drinks. 

The tycoon walked closer, coming into view in the light, “It’s obvious you’re struggling without it.”

Kaeya rubbed his eyes in tired exasperation. It seemed to always circle back to the same place, admitting he had an alcohol problem. Even after he had agreed with Jean to stay and had not once voiced his frustrations about not drinking. No, it simply was not enough. Diluc needed to hear that Kaeya could admit that he was right, that there was an issue he noticed correctly. 

“Thank you, for the keen observation.” The Captain drawled, words thick with sarcasm, “I was oblivious to the fact before you pointed it out!” Kaeya’s voice rose as he started to feel too sleep-deprived to be having this conversation. 

The redhead stiffened, his face remaining a heavy scowl. He opened his mouth, clearly ready to reply in a louder voice with an equally irritated comment. But, to Kaeya’s surprise, Diluc shut his mouth before anything came out. The man took a deep breath through his nose, arms still crossed angrily. 

Diluc calmed himself to speak to Kaeya, “At least you are aware of your situation.” He stated coldly before briskly walking past Kaeya. 

Kaeya stared ahead, a little perplexed, “O—” He blinked, “—kay?”

How…odd. 

Instead of trying to decipher the man, Kaeya chose to tuck the conversation away, finding himself too tired to deal with the enigma that was Diluc. 

As if trying to prove something, Kaeya straightened himself out as much as he could as firmly began walking to the kitchen. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing there, because there was no way the man planned on fighting down breakfast with his nausea. A small commotion began outside the hall, Kaeya could faintly hear the crack of the old wooden front door and a muffled voice. 

Kaeya didn’t pay much attention to it, assuming it was a businessman for Diluc, whom he assumed was the one that opened the door. The door shut, and Kaeya began fiddling with random utensils in the kitchen— bored. 

“Kaeya.” 

The Captain nearly jumped out of his skin again. But this voice was not nearly as harsh or unpleasant, it was sweetly familiar. A small figure that he recognized stood in the doorway. Clad in his signature outfit but missing the coat. Kaeya physically relaxed. 

“Albedo.” He smiled, “You’re here.”

Chapter 11: The Art of Alchemy

Summary:

Albedo brings with him the scent of home, and reminders of a broken fate.

Notes:

I had SO much fun writing this chapter and I’m superrr proud of it. I hope you guys like it as much as I do!! Albedo’s POV because I’m a sucker

The Alchemist was not one for hunches or so-called “gut feelings.” Kaeya had a lot of both, but Albedo was a man of science and reason. Kaeya was simply the exception. 

Albedo had already been up the majority of the night, working on a reversal serum for Kaeya. His work had been time-consuming with all the extra research he had to put in. As the night passed on and Albedo tested drop after drop, a…sinking feeling settled in his stomach. It was odd because, again, Albedo does not have “gut feelings”. But this was different, it was Kaeya. 

It had been a little over a week since the two had seen each other, and it’s redundant to say that Kaeya had already not been doing well. The Alchemist had picked up on the slight tremble that never seemed to leave him, and how his eyes would glaze over if you stopped talking to him for too long. Albedo could not stop thinking about his lover’s worsening condition— a constant fear that he would wake up to dismayed knocking at his door. 

If it were up to him, Albedo would visit Kaeya as often as he could. But unfortunately, he still had too many responsibilities to leave behind for hours each day. Then after work, Albedo dedicated his time to developing the first prototype of a reversal serum. 

This hunch, if you will call it, prompted him to march his way over to the Winery on his first day off, even if it was just after dawn. He just felt like he needed to be there, and that Kaeya would be awake to open the door. Or, at the least, Diluc would be. 

Now, Albedo knew his partner. He knew Kaeya’s patterns. The highs before his worst lows and each curve of the man’s furrowed eyebrows when something was bothering him. It was not surprising that Kaeya was not taking well to his new accomodations, void of distracting passion and most of all, alcohol. So Albedo was already sure Kaeya would be doing worse, but something continued to feel off.  

In his worry for Kaeya and scramble for a cure, the Alchemist seemed to neglect his own feelings. As he approached the Winery, an excitement to see his lover in his mind that was before taken up by fear. The building sat, bathed in new sunlight, surrounded by the vineyards. A place Albedo had seldom been, but he would never get lost in them, from having heard such detailed private accounts of them from Kaeya’s memories. It had taken years for the Captain to feel fully comfortable regarding his past, but specifically his childhood at the winery. So when Kaeya began to open up and trade wine for Albedo’s quiet company, it was more than comforting to know he had made so much progress. 

Albedo was afraid that he had lost it in the midst of all this. 

He found himself a bit perked up as he went up the steps. It was dark inside, but Albedo was sure he caught a glimpse of blue hair in the window. 

He knocked, once. Twice. 

Unfortunately, when the door opened, it was not Kaeya’s welcoming figure, but Diluc. Which was alright— but Albedo still held his reservations about the man. The Alchemist had never been a “forgive and forget” type of person, either. 

Not being the person he expected to see, instead of greeting Diluc, he stood there silently for a moment. Probably unknowingly looking the man up and down. The redhead was clearly stressed, or simply he had lost interest in ironing his clothes and brushing his hair properly. 

Diluc cleared his throat as the silence continued, “Sir Albedo,” He greeted formally. Made sense for someone of his background. “Is something urgent? It’s rather early.” 

The comment annoyed him, even if it was petty.  “Kaeya is plenty of an urgent reason for me to be here. I would hope that you would agree.” 

Diluc looked slightly stunned, freezing for a beat. But he stepped aside to let the man in just as quickly, “Right. Kaeya’s down the hall, in the kitchen.” He lightly gestured to the room. 

In return, Albedo nodded once, “Thank you.” He added before walking right past Diluc to the kitchen. 

The Alchemist stopped at the doorway, expecting Kaeya’s keen senses to pick up on him and turn around. But instead, his partner continued to do noticeably random things. Now, Albedo was quiet when moving around, but a Knight as skilled as Kaeya should have heard him coming. He would have. 

A pang of worry struck Albedo’s heart, realizing Kaeya was clearly elsewhere— not fully aware of his surroundings. And then guilt. For having left him for so long. 

“Kaeya.” Albedo called softly, barely above a whisper, but it was loud in the silent manor. 

The Captain jumped. It startled him in return that Kaeya was noticeably on-edge, and didn’t even pick up on Albedo’s voice. 

Regardless, the man physically relaxed upon seeing Albedo. Taking in his lover’s sickly form, he knew he had been right to feel that something was wrong. 

“Albedo,” Kaeya started, his voice just as quiet. “You’re here.” The smile on his face lit up the man’s eyes just slightly, Albedo could drown in it. 

Slowly, he walked over. Not a leisurely pace, more like he didn’t have the energy to move faster. The alchemist smiled as Kaeya brought a hand to his cheek. He leaned into it, “Mhm.” Albedo mumbled, his eyes slowly closing at the comforting touch of his partner. Even though it was colder than usual. 

A quiet, shuddering breath broke the moment. Albedo opened his eyes, setting his gaze upon Kaeya’s faltering expression as he tried not to cry. His bottom lip quivered slightly as he took in another sharp breath, and Albedo didn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. 

He held Kaeya’s head on his shoulder and stared ahead to keep the tears in his own eyes from spilling over. Albedo didn’t say anything, none of it would help Kaeya and he knew that. If anything, he would see the words as more of a reason to pull away— his mind worked like that. They didn’t need that right now. 

So the Alchemist simply held him tighter, rubbing small comforting circles on his lower back. Kaeya’s crying was completely silent, only audible to Albedo because he was so close. It was heartbreaking— knowing that Kaeya had learned to cry without making a sound. The Captain was the first to pull away, just far enough to meet Albedo’s eyes. Slowly, he brought a hand up to the man’s face and rubbed a thumb under his eye. 

“You aren’t sleeping.” He stated simply, voice slightly shuddering still from tears. Albedo wished now that Kaeya wasn’t so observant, but the dark circles under his eyes weren’t hard to miss. 

The Alchemist brought a hand up to Kaeya’s and gently moved it away from his face before intertwining their fingers. “I’m alright,” He sighed, “Would it kill to focus on yourself?” The comment lacked any mocking tone, but Albedo regretted his word choice immediately. It didn’t seem to bother Kaeya though. 

He simply shrugged, the fatigue obvious in his sluggish movements. 

Albedo sighed, looking away from him shamefully, “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come around. I’ve been working and—“

“Hey,” Kaeya cut him off in a much clearer voice. “Don’t apologize. I know you can’t be here all the time, you have responsibilities.”

“That doesn’t mean you matter to me any less.” He argued back. 

“I know, angel, it’s okay.” Kaeya continued to reassure, not backing down even as Albedo stared up at him confidently. “I mean it.” 

It took the Alchemist a moment, but he eventually swallowed his skepticism and looked away, “Alright.” He grumbled. 

Kaeya just barely cracked a smile and leaned down to kiss the top of Albedo’s head, “Thank you.”  He mumbles into his lover’s hair. This was the undoing of him— of all the confidence and strength he had built up to come here. To see the loss of color in Kaeya’s face. 

He tried to push himself off of Kaeya but he couldn’t bring himself to separate completely. Albedo choked down a sob, looking for words to fill his mouth with instead. 

“I think—“ He tried, staring at the floor, “I have something for you.” He finally managed, practically spitting the words in haste. 

“Yeah?” He looked up to Kaeya, his face was all contorted into a forced neutrality. It didn’t meet his eye. “What kind of something?”

“I’ve been working on a cure…” He dug his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small vial of liquid. “Whenever you’re ready, this is the first trial.” 

Cautiously, Kaeya took the glass vial into his hand. He stared at it for a moment, his lips pressed into a fine line. Albedo tried not to look eager as he studied the blue-ish liquid. 

He remained silent, Albedo attempted to fill the silence. “We could go back to my lab if—“

“No, no.” Kaeya cut him off calmly, closing the vial into his hand and putting it in his own pocket. “Just not yet, okay? It’s stupidly early still, we should at least have breakfast.” His tone was gentle, but it was certainly not a suggestion. Albedo felt slightly uncomfortable at Kaeya’s hesitancy, but he didn’t give him a second to question it. The Captain was already returning to his place in the kitchen, rummaging through cabinets and drawers. 

Albedo doubled down and walked into the kitchen as well. He stood next to Kaeya as he made them both coffee— breakfast, he called it.

The Captain handed him the warm cup, Albedo held it close to his face. He looked up to Kaeya from behind the steam, “How has it been with Diluc?”

“Shh,” He replied with a roll of his eyes. “The wicked witch might hear you!” Kaeya whisper-yells, but the bite isn’t there. Albedo gave him a telling look, ‘be honest’. 

He sighed, “It’s fine. We aren’t…talking right now, but he’s rarely ever at the manor so I don’t see him often.” When Kaeya says it, he sounds noticeably bitter. Albedo hums, offering him to explain. “I told him, about the night Crepus died,” He doesn’t have to specify for the Alchemist to know exactly which detail he’s referring to— he tries to keep his reaction as blank as possible, “Evidently, he didn’t react well.”

Kaeya looks even more distant than before, like he’s looking right through Albedo rather than actually seeing him. He mulls it over for a moment, trying to be as gentle as Kaeya may need. “This negative reaction is not fair to you, even if it is difficult for him to hear it.”  

The Captain looks a bit confused as he meets Albedo’s eyes, “Difficult?” 

“It’s no doubt that night is hard for him to talk about, even now. I think…” Albedo trails off, before picking it back up with more security. “There must be lots of guilt surrounding that night for him. Both because of his father and you. To know what your intention was is a difficult pill to swallow in addition to that.” 

“But my point still stands. Even though it’s hard, he should be able to recognize how sensitive this is. Being angry at you is immature, at best.” Albedo was not sure what he was expecting, but he was met with silence. And that same, dead-eyed stare that sent shivers up his spine. 

Dead-eyed.

”You okay?” He adds after a beat, Kaeya seemed to snap back, it was unsettling. 

“Yeah, just…yeah. Can we move on?” He quickly added, and all Albedo could do was nod. He was in no position to be pushing Kaeya out of his comfort zone, not now at least.

They slip back into normal conversation, and move up into Kaeya’s room after finishing their drinks. Unsurprisingly, Kaeya mainly asks about the state of the Favonious with him gone. Even if he lacks a cavalry, Kaeya is still an important figurehead in the knights. Most missions go through him and he’s more than sure that without him, Jean must be drowning herself in paperwork. Throughout their conversation, it becomes clear to Albedo that Kaeya is incredibly bored as well. The man generally likes to keep himself busy— picking up tasks and hobbies when he isn’t busy at work. Having nothing to do in the manor is clearly not doing anything good for him. 

“Then let’s find you something to work on.” Albedo stands from the bed, suddenly determined to meet his lovers’ needs.

Kaeya shrugs, “Right. I’m practically on house arrest, Bedo.” He counters, looking a bit defeated. 

“Even you know you can step outside, as long as you don’t find yourself wandering back to Mondstadt,” He crosses his arms. “Now, up. I’m sure Elzer has something for you to do.” 

Kaeya groans dramatically as he unceremoniously pushes himself off the bed, “Alright, alright.” He smiles, even though it’s nearly drowned out by fatigue. 

Albedo has recognized over the years how hard it gets for Kaeya to keep up with his hobbies when he isn’t doing well, even if it will help him. So, Albedo has no problem dealing with Kaeya’s exhausted irritation if it means that he may feel better later.

And now that the sun has completely risen, the manor is much livelier as everyone returns to work. So, it isn’t hard to find Elzer roaming around, overseeing the Winery when Diluc is away. “Elzer, Sir.” Albedo calls to him, Kaeya following close behind.

The man turns, looking a bit surprised to see the two. “Ah, Chief Alchemist, Sir Kaeya, good morning.” He greets them, a warm smile settling on his face at the sight of Kaeya.

“Good morning. No need for titles, Albedo is just fine. Kaeya and I had a question for you.” He explains.

”Mhm?” The executive questions happily, fully turning to face the two of them, “How may I help you two?” 

Kaeya answers for himself, “I hoped to find something to do around the manor. I am unbelievably bored. Master Diluc is dreadfully bad at keeping me company.” He plays it up, it makes Elzer laugh, but the Alchemist is far from amused. 

“Are you sure? Bit of an odd request coming from you. You’re the guest of the manor, Sir Kaeya!” 

He recoils at the title, but nods anyway, “Of course. I’m more than happy to get my hands dirty.” He smiles, trying to avoid Albedo’s eyes which he knows will see right through him. 

Elzer doesn’t protest much more, considering that the Winery can be slightly understaffed at times, “I’m sure Tunner could use some help with the farming. Why don’t you two go ask him?”

They thank Elzer for his help and leave to find Tunner outside. Kaeya explains that he’s usually trimming the vineyard, so they might have to go through a bit of a maze to find him. The sun envelopes the whole field in warm rays, and it illuminates Kaeya’s eye with a sheen that only Albedo would notice. Only he knows how beautifully the hidden eye looks in the sun as well, it’s slightly frustrating. 

As they make their way closer to Tunner’s figure in the distance, Albedo picks up on the small rattle coming from Kaeya’s pocket. 

Right. 

Albedo stops, putting a hand on his lover’s arm, “Hey.”

He looks down questioningly, “Hey?”

“You still need to take the cure. We can do this first but I don’t want you to feel like I’m springing it on you.” He explains, and it’s true, but his eagerness is very purposefully absent from his tone. 

The Captain tries to smile, it looks more like he’s just settling his face into less of a frown, but the sun is hitting him in a way that makes it too hard for Albedo to see him clearly. “Mhm, I won't forget.” The response is mild to say the least, but again— he may regret it— Albedo doesn’t question it. 

And then Kaeya’s off, greeting Tunner excitedly. Albedo watches as he immediately picks up the task of carrying heavy scraps of vines down into a small shed, presumably to be used as kindling later. It’s comforting to his lover, more colorful, lit up beneath the warmth of the sun. He would stay forever, Albedo wished he could. 

 

✦✦✦✦

 

Kaeya felt sick. He was glad Albedo was standing far enough that he wouldn’t be able to see his trembling. Albedo was always genuine, his honesty was unwavering and Kaeya had always silently sworn that Albedo would be the one person that he would not fail with deception. 

Each time Kaeya stood, his vision blurred significantly, to the point where nausea crawled up his stomach. Thankfully, hangover-like symptoms are easy to hide for him. It comes with the alcohol lifestyle, maybe. Still, he could not meet Albedo’s eyes knowing the truth was hidden right behind his eyelids. Truthfully, it was nice to be given something to do. Of course, Albedo knew that he always kept himself busy, and was only adamant about it because normally, it would help. But each time a sharp pain snapped in his chest or he jumped at Tunner behind him— it felt like the thorns of his past were digging into him deeper.

And every time that damn vial clinked in his pocket, Kaeya couldn’t help but think about it. Think about his life, his long-awaited death, and the scent of his lies—

“Sir Kaeya!” It was Tunner, holding Kaeya’s arm firmly. His brows furrowed in concern.

”Yes?” He questioned uncomfortably, stricken by confusion.

The farmer almost gaped at him, “You nearly fell over, Sir. You would have fallen straight into the wood pile. Are you sure you’re alright?” 

Kaeya blinked at him in shock, he really hadn’t noticed amidst working. He tried not to look surprised and waved a hand dismissively as slyly as he could, “Oh, I figure the heat is getting to me. Adelinde’s scolding clearly hasn’t done enough!” Kaeya tries to laugh, but he can feel his knees trembling now. It must show on his face, because Tunner continues to look at him with concern even as he lets go of Kaeya’s arm. 

The man nods, “Ah, right..” He clears his throat, clearly not placated by Kaeya’s excuse. “I can manage what’s left, Sir Kaeya, thank you. Why don’t you go and rest?”

The Captain’s already straightening himself up and shaking his head. But before he can say anything, Tunner smiles, “Listen to an old man for once.” He smiles and gives Kaeya a pat on the shoulder. 

Crepus used to do the same. 

Kaeya doubles down, realizing it might be best to leave before anything more can go awry. “Alright, well, thank you for having me, Tunner. 

He nods, “Feel free to come back around any other time, Sir.”

As he walks away, Kaeya decides to look for Albedo, clutching the vial in his pocket tightly. 

 

✦✦✦✦

 

Albedo is in the middle of speaking with Diluc when Kaeya comes back inside. He turns around, a bit surprised to see him back so early. 

“Kaeya,” He starts, “We were just discussing your cure.” 

Kaeya looks up from unbuckling his boots, raising his eyebrow, “Were you, now?”

Diluc nods, picking up the conversation. “I trust Albedo’s work. This will be good for you.” He looks over to the Alchemist. Albedo sighs when he realizes what it means. 

Albedo walks closer to his lover, trying to keep his voice low, “Sir Diluc has requested to be present for the trial. Only if it’s okay with you, Kae.” He lowers his tone even more with that last sentence— especially with the nickname. 

Kaeya looks between the two of them as he stands up straight. The tycoon crosses his arms, but remains silent. It’s quiet, but the look Kaeya gives Albedo undoes him a bit more. It’s almost betrayed, but more desperate than it is intense. The Alchemist prepares himself for the explanation he will have to give Diluc before Kaeya shrugs, 

“Okay.” He says, quietly— calmly. The lack of flippant conversation unnerves Albedo, he tilts his head at Kaeya. “I don’t have the energy to argue.”

“Glad to hear it.” Diluc retorts, crossing his arms with a scowl. 

Their bickering drives Albedo crazy, because he seems to be the only one with a hint of rationality in the room. Even as Kaeya undoes his boots and they make their way upstairs, Diluc tries so hard to not look the slightest bit concerned. Everytime the Alchemist turns his head, Diluc is watching him— waiting. For something bad to happen, maybe. But it’s uncharacteristically patient for him to be so unwavering. Even then, Albedo finds himself a little overwhelmed by the amount of forced hostility coming from the two. He only hopes they can get through this. 

Albedo settles in a chair in front of Kaeya, where he sits at the end of the bed. There aren’t many places to sit in the room, but it was clear they would prefer privacy. Diluc opted to stand near the door, face placid. 

The Alchemist shrugs off his coat, trying not to meet his lover’s eyes. “Have any new symptoms presented?” 

“Not really.” Kaeya shrugs, there’s an immediate sound of disapproval from across the room. 

“He’s weaker, barely sleeping. More dizzy spells, maybe.” 

The Captain glares, “Are you mocking me? And when did you find time to notice all that—“

Diluc ends his sentence there, “And acute paranoia.” 

Uncertainty begins to gnaw its way into Albedo’s mind. It might’ve been best to bring Kaeya into his lab, or anywhere void of Diluc. “That could all likely be credited to alcohol withdrawal. Either way, worsening physical condition was to be expected after his first dizzy spell. He must be declining faster than I anticipated…” He pauses, trying to figure out what that could mean for his recovery, “Any other symptoms? Hallucinations, flashbacks, headaches?”

This time, Kaeya answers for himself, “Not any more than usual.” He replies, tone flat. 

Albedo nods, taking the vial that Kaeya’s handing to him. He holds it tightly in his hand for a moment, silently begging the Stars to align just for once. For him. For Kaeya. He leans in, keeping his voice low so Diluc can’t hear, “You’re sure you’re ready?” The Alchemist asks, simply for reassurance.

His lover shrugs half-heartedly, “If I waited until I was ready, I’d be waiting forever.” 

The Alchemist sighs, his brows furrowed as he sits back in the chair for a moment, trying to decipher him. After a beat, Albedo defeatedly opened his palm to offer the liquid to Kaeya. 

The man takes the glass bottle, popping the top off. Albedo clenches his fists at the pop it makes. If this doesn’t work—

“Like opening a fresh wine.” Kaeya snorted before throwing it back. Albedo almost screamed at the silence before his head came back down with a disgusted face. The Alchemist relaxed, his shoulders falling before he had even realized they were tense. He watched as Kaeya uncomfortably sucked the taste of it off his teeth, “You couldn’t make it sunset pear flavored?” He asked jokingly. 

As if the wind called him, Diluc suddenly appeared beside Albedo. His face remained stern, “Kaeya,” The man looked up, his head hanging low from the way he was sitting with his forearms resting on his thighs. “Do you feel okay?” The Captain wound up for a snarky retort, but Diluc cut his thought short, “You’re shaking.” 

Albedo’s eyes snapped to Kaeya’s figure. The man stared wide-eyed at his trembling hands held out in front of him. “I don’t…“ He winced uncomfortably, “I don’t know.” Kaeya gasped sharply and threw his arm around his torso. 

For a second, Albedo froze, which was completely unlike him. But for that second, he thought it was over. But from where he was tightly gripping Kaeya’s wrist, he could still feel a pulse. He quickly recovered, swallowing the panic in his voice as he spoke with as much decorum as he could manage. “Kaeya, look at me. What is it?” 

The Captain gasped again, followed by a whine of pain as his nails dug deeper into his side. “I can’t— shit!” He choked out, his free hand suddenly clawing at Albedo’s shoulder. 

He hissed from the pain, “Can’t what? Where’s the pain? Is it in your chest?” 

Kaeya heaved, shaking his head frantically, “No, it’s— everywhere.” He rasped, doubling over in a pain that Albedo could not see, or feel, or fix. 

“Albedo, what’s happening?” Diluc questioned, his hands trying to stabilize Kaeya. 

“I’m trying to figure it out…” 

“Please—“ 

“Albedo! What’s hurting him?!”

“It burns. I see…”

The Alchemist paused, “What do you see?”

But then Kaeya was screaming. Albedo thought if he wasn’t crying before, he must be now. The sound was painful, visceral, in the worst way. It felt like someone was scratching at his bones, eating away at his flesh. Life being ripped apart and muddled back together sloppily. The sound of his lover in pain, dying. Dying. 

Albedo moved Kaeya up, his hands scrambling to steady him, “Get his vision.” He strained, more of a statement than a question. 

Diluc’s head snapped towards him, “What?” He stated, almost yelling to be audible within Kaeya’s screaming, “I’m not leaving!

“Get his vision!” Albedo snapped, finally undone, “Now!” He damn-near lost his voice. 

As Diluc scrambled out of the room, Albedo took over trying to lean Kaeya back up. “Honey, look at me. I’m right here.” He managed to lift Kaeya’s head up. It was difficult, like any small movement was torturing him. His face was covered in sweat and possibly tears, by the red lining his eyes. 

Kaeya nearly choked on his sob, “Bedo…it hurts. Please— no more.” He whimpered, falling forward into Albedo’s chest. 

The words made the Alchemist’s vision falter. He shuddered at the feeling of Kaeya’s cold body against his chest. He swallowed the bile rising in his throat and forced himself to sit Kaeya up again. “I know,” the Captain made a noise of pain, “I know. I’m gonna try and help, I promise. You’re gonna be okay, alright?” He whispered, he could barely believe his own affirmations anymore. 

Diluc came rushing back in, “It’s flickering, I—“ He shoved the small Vision in Albedo’s hide. It stuttered again, fading into a dead grey before returning to a faint blue color. 

Everything seemed to blur with the colors of the vision, barely becoming clear to Albedo every time it threatened to remain that dead color. The tycoon broke his thoughts, “What can I do?”

Albedo hesitated for a moment as the world shifted back. “Okay. His hands are the coldest. Make yourself as warm as possible and hold them.” He ordered with all the clarity he had. Diluc immediately did as he was asked, and Albedo continued to rub circles on Kaeya’s back. The man continued to gasp for relief, evidently in vain. 

“I think his body is rejecting it. I don’t understand. It should work, I even—“

“Albedo,” Diluc said in barely a whisper. Which was odd because he shouldn’t be able to hear it over Kaeya’s screaming. But that was the issue, he was silent. “He’s slipping, look, he’s swaying.” 

Immediately, the Alchemist grabbed Kaeya’s arms, trying to look at his face. But his head pulled downward, like it was too heavy for him to hold up. “Kaeya,” He begged, “Stay with me. Don’t—“ His lover’s eye fluttered before rolling backwards as Kaeya fell forward onto Albedo, no longer holding up any of his weight. 

Albedo’s heart stuttered. He could feel his ribs tightening, shutting him in. “No— no, that’s not possible.” 

Diluc backed away, nearly tripping over himself, “Kaeya…” 

Albedo clung onto his lover, desperately trying to pull the Vision out from between the two of them with Kaeya weighing him down. He whispered broken denial under his breath as his hand finally pulled out from under Kaeya. 

A stable blue orb stared back at him. It was dull, but there. Right then, all the strings that were holding him together snapped. Albedo let out a shaking sob, hugging Kaeya’s exhausted frame. 

“Oh,” Albedo mumbles into Kaeya’s hair, “You’re alive.” He breathes. 

Albedo holds on for a few more minutes, letting the returning warmth to Kaeya’s skin piece him back together. Before guilt can crawl up his throat, he separates slowly. He looks over to Diluc where he stands near the door, as if he’s ready to flee. The man stands with a hand covering his eyes, the other crossed over his chest. Before saying something, Albedo checks Kaeya’s pulse one more time. It’s steady, and no longer faint. 

The Alchemist clears his throat, knowing full well it’s still going to sound raw, “He’s okay.” Diluc nods, but doesn’t look up, “Help him lay him down, please.” 

“Of course.” The Tycoon comes over slowly, trying to keep his head high. He barely acknowledges Albedo as he moves his arms under Kaeya’s and hoists him up before scooting him up to lay properly on the bed. 

The room is silent other than their silent shuffling as they make Kaeya more comfortable. Albedo tucks the blanket over him while Diluc cleans up any mess of the incident. Notably, the glass vial that lays forgotten on the floor. The silence is heavy, a weight that crushes Albedo. He knows what Diluc is thinking, that this is his fault. It’s not true, he did all his research, noted all his symptoms, did everything right—

“I apologize.” He declares, standing at the foot of the bed, “I don’t know what went wrong. It shouldn’t have failed, let alone caused him harm.” 

Diluc shakes his head slowly, “I want to understand his reaction better. Why were you so sure?” The question makes him recoil a bit, but Albedo promptly ignores it. 

“The cure was formulated based on the balance of Kaeya’s Abyssal and Celestial energies. What he described was that his Abyssal energy was…spinning out of control, you might say. Without use, it began to burden him. Theoretically, the elixir should have balanced the two energies. If the problem is that he’s losing control, and therefore hurting him, then this would have fixed it.” The Alchemist recalls his notes bit by bit, feeling less and less confident about Kaeya’s recovery as a wave of uncertainty flows over him. 

Diluc shifts his weight, “Is it possible the elixir wasn’t formulated correctly?”

“…Yes,” Albedo admits. “I’ll have to work on tweaking it some more. If this doesn’t work, I will find a new method of recovery.”

“What happens if you can’t find one?”

“Kaeya is not going to die.” He blurted out before even thinking about it, “Something has to work.”

Quiet returns when both their eyes fall onto Kaeya. He looks paler, and his face is scrunched in unwavering discomfort. 

Diluc took in a breath, hoping it would fill his lungs with calmness, “I have to leave. I’ll make some preparations for when he wakes, but…” He paused as he walked to the door, “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.” Albedo nodded in his direction before the man left, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Being left alone was a bit intimidating. Albedo turned over to look at Kaeya again, he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. The Alchemist turned over silver vision in his hand, red splotches formed on his palms where he hadn’t realized he was holding it too tightly. The blue flickered, like it was taunting him. As if it knew there was nothing Albedo could do if it stayed that daunting grey. He wanted to put it down, lock it in a drawer where it could not make a fool of him. But instead, he placed it onto his lover’s chest and sat down, laying his head next to it on his arms, where he could hear Kaeya’s heartbeat clearly.

Albedo savored the steady rise and fall of Kaeya’s chest, his own breath unconsciously syncing to the rhythm. He wondered— if Kaeya’s breathing stopped, would his stop too? He couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes, couldn’t look away from Kaeya’s face, watching it endlessly for the smallest sign of change.

In the silence, Albedo turned over a question in his mind. How can Alchemists— crafters of creation and destruction— not mend something that breathes before them?

Notes:

How we feeelingggggg!!!! School’s over so I hope to get the next chapter out soon!

Chapter 12: A Joy, Hard Learned

Summary:

The aftermath, and Kaeya makes progress(?)

Notes:

Guys in honor of Kaeya’s birthday I’m FINALLY releasing this chapter. I was super on edge about it but I think I ended up pretty happy with the outcome:) Enjoy and happy holidays!!

Everything hurts. Not just pain— it’s fire, needles, something pulling at my skin. I can’t move right.

Someone’s screaming. I can’t tell who at first.  

Then I realize it’s me. I'm screaming. 

And I can’t stop. I try to say, “Make it stop,” But I don’t think anyone can hear me. No, they aren’t listening. 

Am I dying? Mama— I miss you. 

I can’t do this. I can’t. It’s too much. It won’t stop. 

The screaming gets louder. It’s me. Still me. 

…

Kaeya stirs gently as his eyes blink into focus. The first thing he feels when he wakes up is numb. The feeling in his body— or lack thereof— is painful in its own way. He feels heavily disoriented, like someone’s grabbed him by the shoulders and shaken him to hell. Instinctively, he tries to sit up, but some sort of weight keeps him down. Kaeya peers through his hooded eyes to see Albedo lying on top of him; asleep. 

Not wanting to wake his lover, Kaeya gives up on trying to sit. He feels a bit like he’s in a coffin; arms crossed over his chest, mind empty of thought. It’s a bit odd for Albedo to have been here overnight like this. Kaeya tries to remember if he drank, but he doesn’t taste the telltale tang of liquor in his throat. His mouth is dry, so he tries to reach for the glass on the bedside table, but a sharp pain bites his shoulder. Already thoroughly frustrated, Kaeya moves to see what poked him. The blue orb staring back at him is more of a shock than anything.

It’s his vision. 

An ache travels up his spine and Kaeya groans in discomfort as he begrudgingly reaches for it. 

“There you are,” He mumbles to himself, lifting it at arm’s length to stare at it. But it’s…Kaeya’s eyes widen as he makes it out— his vision is faded. 

Just barely noticeable, but he’s spent enough time staring at the thing to know when it’s changed. The blue is duller, and it seems to pulse with each breath Kaeya takes. 

“Kaeya..?” A quiet voice catches him off guard.

Startled, he drops the vision out of his hand. It falls on his face before rolling off the bed entirely. Kaeya scrunches his face in annoyance, “Mm, good morning.” He grumbles sarcastically, rubbing at the spot on his forehead. 

Albedo suddenly sits up fully, “You’re awake—” He stares down in surprise that Kaeya was not awake enough for. 

He guesses it is a bit shocking given his recent condition.

Kaeya begins to push himself up, but winces at how stiff he feels, “Unfortunately.” He quickly learns that trying to move is an uphill battle. In frustration, Kaeya settles for sitting with his back against the headboard and bears the sharp pain traveling through his nerves.

His alchemist simply watches for a moment before trying a gentle, “How do you feel?” Albedo’s eyelashes flutter as he looks Kaeya up and down, checking for signs of injury. Concern is not exactly written all over his face, but the hesitation in his question and movement is enough for Kaeya to know that something is wrong. 

He considers Albedo’s tight expression for a moment. “…Fine. I feel fine.”

Albedo seems to catch onto his confusion, the understanding flickering in his eye. “Do you remember last evening? Think. I brought you an elixir, but you rejected it completely.” 

Kaeya waits for a beat as the words sink in. “Last evening?” Albedo only nods towards the window, where sure enough a new dawn engulfs the winery’s broad fields. “Oh,” is the only stupid thing he can think to say. Bits of the day before start to return to him, and he closes his eyes to concentrate on remembering.

I saw black. And then…

“My Vision. Diluc brought it.” He declares, looking to Albedo for confirmation.

The man nods, Albedo opens his mouth to speak, but the words die in his throat. His gaze falters, like he’s looking straight through Kaeya. And just for a moment, Kaeya sees the fear. The gnawing despair he has so neatly cleansed himself of. Albedo, so readily, took on the role of Alchemist to compensate for the emotions that he cannot face. All that weight he’s carrying for his lover, whose death will mean all of nothing. 

It’s harrowing. 

If Kaeya were more respectable, maybe he might have said something. But he cannot take from his lover the one thing that is likely holding him together. The silence passes, and Albedo quickly swallows, returning his focus to the conversation. It takes just another second for him to choke out the words, “It nearly went dull.” 

The words feel hollow, he’s not sure if he fully processes them— they hit his ears and fall straight to the ground. 

“Well, it’s…” Kaeya stammers, trying to sound genuine, “I didn’t know.” 

Albedo stares at him for a moment in silence, not accusatory or sarcastic, but studying. Checking for changes, nuances, and such. He takes his lover's hand into his own. 

Should he be shocked? Afraid, maybe? His eyes find the glowing object on the floor and suddenly its dimmer color makes him sick. Kaeya’s thoughts spin dangerously in circles. He knew this would happen, but so soon— liar. You know you can fix this. Tell him, tell him—

He stares for what feels like ages when the door swings open, a powerful but deliberately quiet voice asks, “Is Kaeya awake?” 

Diluc’s presence for once feels grounding. His sudden appearance rattles Kaeya enough to reel him out of his mind.

Albedo attempts to speak up, “Diluc, give us a minute—“

Kaeya clicks his tongue in quick disagreement. “No, no, please. Let him join us.” He chirps, but his voice is still hoarse from disuse. 

Standing in the doorway, Diluc simply watches Kaeya for a moment, his expression completely unguarded with disbelief for just a moment. It quickly returns to a scowl when the Captain speaks up, and he shoves his hands in his pockets, like he might cause damage otherwise. In long strides, he enters the room, but keeps a decent distance between himself and the bed. Diluc turns away from Kaeya to direct his question at Albedo, “How is he?” He asks, voice flat. 

“You could ask me, just a thought.”

“I have no reason to believe you’ll tell the truth,” He half shrugs, like that statement isn’t a knife to Kaeya’s throat. “Albedo, how is he?” 

Kaeya makes a noise of annoyance, but doesn’t argue anymore. Again, he moves to sit up, which is difficult when he’s trying not to look so pathetically small wrapped up in his childhood bed simultaneously. The ache in his bones is enough to slow him down, but he manages to shed the bedding and lean against the headboard for support.

Albedo gives Diluc a look, the hostility of which, Diluc clearly did not pick up on. A determined look flashes over his face, so sure of his next words before Kaeya puts a hand on his. It’s a quiet ask— don’t. Don’t say anything, don’t speak on my behalf, don’t upset him. Kaeya knows it’s a lost cause, so when Albedo turns to look at him for assurance, he nods to reinforce his intention. The Alchemist swallows his comment, a task so evidently difficult for him that Kaeya genuinely almost laughs.

Eventually, he manages to choke out calmer words, “He seems to be…alright. I’m an Alchemist, not a healer. I can only determine so much. But as far as my understanding goes, I do not see any lingering effects from the elixir.”

Diluc nods intently, eyes trained on the now cloudy blue of Kaeya’s vision. Albedo turns back to him, squeezing his hand under the comforter. It confused Kaeya for a moment until his lover asked, “Do you know why this would have happened?”

Automatically, he shakes his head. The question feels like a sword to his conscience. Kaeya steeled his expression and kept his voice as calm as possible, “I know only as much as you do now.”

It was clear that this was not the response Albedo was hoping for, he clicks his tongue in frustration. He closes his eyes, recalling his steps, “I don’t understand. If you’re at a complete loss of control, this is the concentration that should work.” The irritation in his voice was palpable. Even though Albedo is generally calm, he holds himself to undeniably high standards. Facing roadblocks in his research always posed difficult for him. Kaeya gently rubs his thumb over Albedo’s knuckles in encouragement as he schools his face back to neutral. 

Kaeya waits for his lover to relax fully before giving his two cents, “It’s alright, we’ll figure it out. We have time.“ 

“No, Kaeya, you do not have time.” Diluc cuts in, scowling down at him now. Kaeya physically flinches at the blunt admission of his wavering life. “I watched your vision dull for just a moment too long. I had to send the staff home, they were so harrowed by your screams. Do you understand? There is no time. Don’t be coy, you know that well.” 

He was visibly disturbed now, face scrunched in the telltale twitch of desolation. Kaeya watches as Diluc clenches and unclenches his fists at his sides before shoving them deep in his pockets. The room goes still, at least for Kaeya, who feels as if a butcher had torn him apart— piece by piece, truth by truth. 

Kaeya isn’t sure if Albedo had said anything, but something brought Diluc to speak again, this time quieter, almost ashamed. “I will not let you throw our chances of fixing this away.” A harsh statement, but Kaeya knew it was as genuine as Diluc could be. This was him blaming himself for letting Kaeya get the best of his anger and inattention five years ago. He reeled himself back and stood taller to address Albedo, “Adelinde is fully prepared to host you for the night, if need be.” Hastily, he sees himself out, shutting the door with a loud thud behind him. 

The sound echoes in the room, leaving Kaeya sick. He rubs his eyes exhaustively, cursing himself under his breath. 

“I never should have told him.” Kaeya mumbles, keeping his head in his hands. Silence rings loud as Albedo laces his cold fingers through his lover’s hair.

“Kae, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault that he’s struggling.” Kaeya peels his clammy hands off his face and lets Albedo pull him closer. 

He rests his forehead on the Alchemist's shoulder and breathes in the soft scent of fir trees and lilies that linger on him. Kaeya smiles, realizing that Albedo must have kept the Calla Lilies that Kaeya had brought him nearly a week ago now. He huffs a small laugh, “Throw the old ones out, I bet they’re starting to wilt. I’ll get you new ones.” His voice was muffled under the fabric of Albedo’s shirt, but he still manages to decipher Kaeya’s muttering.  

Albedo stills for a fleeting moment, before smiling oddly at Kaeya, “You can get me new flowers when you're better.” 

Kaeya only hums in reply as he let himself melt into the calm that the quiet brought him. He closes his eyes and lets the world fade into static, just for now. He soaks in the quiet noises coming from downstairs as the winery winds down for the evening, and his lover's uneven heartbeat. It brings him comfort long enough for him to relax fully, before he can fall back asleep, Albedo taps his back to keep him awake. 

Begrudgingly, Kaeya pushes himself up, off of Albedo. The desire for comfort tugs at him, and he desperately wants to ask Albedo to take up on Diluc’s offer— to stay the night. He knows Albedo would. But in the golden hues of the sunset coming through the window, his lovers’ tired expression was sickeningly clear: the eye bags from lack of sleep, the tight expression on his face, undoubtedly from thinking about Kaeya’s cure. Albedo was more likely to rest without the cause of his concern looming over him; Kaeya. 

After silently making his decision, he brings a hand up to the alchemist's hair to loosen his braids. 

Kaeya meets his content expression with a knowing smile, “Go home, get some rest, Bedo.” The Alchemist gives him an almost offended expression, and Kaeya’s only a man— he has to laugh. “I’m fine, what I really need is for you to be alright too.” He rubs a thumb over the dark, telling circles under Albedo’s eye to make his point clear.

”Stop asking me to walk away.” Albedo retorts, brows furrowed with concern. 

“I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are. I will not give up on you.” 

The Captain sighs, his lover's stubbornness shouldn’t surprise him in the slightest. Kaeya drops his hand and instead brings Albedo’s palm to his chest, right over his heart, “See? I’m right here. It kills me more to see you ruining yourself over this. You need to take care of yourself.” He lets go, but Albedo’s hand lingers just a moment more before he brings it down to his lap.

Silence envelops the room for a moment as Albedo undoubtedly considers his options. Eventually, his face relaxes and he stands up, now looking down at Kaeya, “Then I must leave now, before night settles.” He leans down quietly and presses a kiss to Kaeya’s temple and before standing up, he whispers, “I won’t be far, should you need me.” It’s Albedo’s way of saying, ask for help. Kaeya nods in understanding, leaving him with a small smile in return. 

This seems to satisfy Albedo enough, as he begins to gather his coat and notes. Kaeya tries to sneak a glimpse at the scribbles written about him, but he doesn’t get very far with that. He follows his lover out of the room and as they make their way down the stairs, Albedo abruptly stops in the middle of the flight, right before they reach the bottom, and turns to face Kaeya. Even his hushed voice is loud in the stillness of the manor, “Don’t let him get to you. He’s grieving, but so are you.” Albedo does not elaborate, or give Kaeya time to reply with the dismissal he was already preparing, he simply continues down the staircase.

Kaeya tries his best to ignore the worried stares from the few workers remaining in the manor, instead keeping his eyes focused on the back of Albedo’s head while they head for the door. He pointedly ignores the flash of red down the hall as well. 

At the door, the Alchemist does one final check-in, asking if Kaeya is experiencing any discomfort and if there is anything that has come back to him that may be of importance.

“No. Well— discomfort, always, but nothing important.” Half-truths, he supposes. Baby steps are better than none. 

Albedo looks skeptical as he shrugs on his coat, standing in the doorway outside, but he nods anyway, “I’ll come by soon before my next investigation, until then, write to me. I will send someone by to collect them.” 

Kaeya lazily hums a reply as he steps out of the doorway to hug Albedo on the wooden porch. The air is wet and warm due to Spring showers, which leave a smell of petrichor that never seems to subside. The alchemists’ skin feels sticky with humidity, but Kaeya enjoys the tangible comfort he gets from it. He’s sure he is holding on for too long, but Albedo does not move from the tight embrace that he is returning. Even this is still not close enough. It never is. Eventually, it's bustle in the manor that forces Kaeya to pull away. 

The door shuts, and suddenly everything is quiet once again. The air is still heavy, but dry and unmoving. Kaeya tries to take a deep breath, but it’s not nearly as satisfying. Catching his breath becomes consciously harder, he can’t find a reason to try very hard. 

“Sir Kaeya?” A young voice startles him into focus. A maid, Diane, looks at him innocently, “Are you feeling any better? Master Diluc told the staff and me that you were running a high temperature. We were all very concerned when he sent us home, afraid we might catch it as well.” She explains sheepishly. The woman keeps straightening out her apron as well, an obvious nervous tic. 

Kaeya smiles at her, trying to quell her anxiety in the slightest, “Yes, I’m recovering quite well, thank you.” He adds easily to Diluc’s— extremely vague— lie. 

Diane sighs, nodding once with a less crooked expression. “Everyone will be glad to hear it. If you’ll excuse me.” She bows her head slightly before stepping off towards the corridor. 

Kaeya follows the maid with his eyes as she makes her way to the kitchen, and when she disappears from his sight, his gaze lands on the largest door at the end of the hallway. Almost always shut, and embossed with gold around the trim. The study, Crepus’s study. Now his eldest sons’, but Kaeya never felt he was fit for it anyway. Every bit of the room, from the carved door to the mahogany shelves lining the walls, felt all too regal for Kaeya. It was never something that belonged to him, so he forced himself to swallow the pit in his stomach. 

Kaeya peels his eyes away from the hallway and heads upstairs. His legs burn as he walks up, either from disuse due to his brief coma, or muscle atrophy. Choices, choices. It has been hard to decipher what symptoms are due to what problem. He’s sure dying can’t be pretty, so he’s quick to attribute more issues to that than to Diluc’s insistent diagnosis of alcohol withdrawal. He deliberately ignores the shake in his thighs and lies on the bed over the sheets. The sun is completely gone now, leaving the room dim save for a few candles and a small lantern on the desk across from the bed. Just big enough for a child, with a blue “X” painted over the base for easy identification. The Captain screws his eyes shut at the thought, remembering how Diluc scribbled it on after Kaeya kept grabbing the wrong one. 

Sick, this is. Forcing Kaeya into the room he was never meant to fill again. He expected layers of dust, but he was met with clean, polished surfaces, though the room was otherwise untouched. The Captain keeps his eyes shut, unable to face the room now, even in the dim light. He wasn’t exactly tired after a day's worth of rest, but eventually, sleeping seemed like his only option. 

✦✦✦✦

The halls of the Dawn Winery are cold and dry in the nighttime, similar to their owner. The night’s breeze lingers in the old walls like a haunting memory, making walking around almost unbearable, even in the Spring. Even the walls remained eerily empty, making every space look smaller and every room look sadder. 

It was his Father’s choice, really. When Diluc was little, Crepus would tell him stories of his mother— the woman who gave up her life to bring one into the world. The man created near-tangible memories for Diluc to latch onto, but it wasn’t enough, and neither was Crepus’s insistence that she missed them just as much as they did. This confused younger Diluc, so he always asked, “Then why don’t we put up the photos of mommy?” 

He was quite the broken record. But his Father only ever replied with a solemn smile and a nod, but Diluc was always stubborn. Eventually, Crepus was forced to entertain the question. 

“Grief infects the head and the heart, ‘Luc. Sometimes it just hurts, without reason.”

Diluc didn’t understand, he usually never did. It wasn’t until he returned from his sabbatical in Snezhnaya, where upon seeing the manor, he had to have all of Kaeya’s portraits and family photos removed. Not long after, he settled to take everything down, except for a portrait of his Father in the study. It made sense now; what Crepus meant. 

It’s easier to erase who you miss than to confront the fact that you miss them. 

Unfortunately for Diluc, missing photos do nothing when the person is right upstairs. He traces his fingers on the walls where picture frames would have been as he makes it up to the second floor for the third time tonight. He’s not entirely sure when he gave up on falling asleep, and he is pointedly choosing to stay oblivious. Adelinde told Diluc hours ago that Kaeya had fallen asleep, and he had already checked on him twice without waking him up, but he still hesitated at the door. He convinced himself he was being helpful, and not paranoid— but it’s truly just cowardice. Facing his own brother while he’s awake is too daunting, so he checks in on a sleeping man to make himself feel better about being so unhelpful.

Diluc scowls at his self-pity and forces himself to push the door open before he can walk away. Rather than seeing Kaeya lying in bed as he had before, the Captain is not sitting up with the light glow of the bedside lamp highlighting the exhausted look on his scrunched face. He stands there awkwardly for a moment, finding a way to explain his sudden intrusion. Eventually, he settles for a hurried apology, “Sorry to bother. I just thought I should check in, I can go now—“ Diluc loses the rest of the sentence in his throat when he catches a glimpse of Kaeya’s shaking hands. The nail beds of which have been cruelly picked at, leaving angry red blotches where skin should be. 

“You’re having night terrors again.” He states nervously. Kaeya used to wake up in horror often as a child, though it went away with age. Diluc never thought he would be in this position again. Clearly, though, Kaeya is in a clear enough state to look up at him and nod.

The man shrugs, “I’m fine, I wasn’t really asleep anyway.” Kaeya blinks harshly and sits up against the headboard. Diluc looks him over, noting the haphazard way his eyepatch seems to have been put on. Diluc just stands in the cracked doorway, knees locked with hesitation. 

Kaeya sighs, “Just come in, I know you can’t sleep either.” The accusation startles the tycoon, his face hardens with determination to deny, but he sees the sureness on Kaeya’s face as defeat.

“You heard me come in, then?” Diluc questions as he closes the door behind him. He enters the room slowly until he’s leaning against the foot of the bedframe. He sees the way Kaeya tries to hide his injured hands under the comforter— the same way in which a small child would hide a broken toy.

“Obviously,” He deadpans, saving Diluc from no embarrassment. “It’s okay, I get it.” Kaeya’s words are slightly slurred from exhaustion, but he understands that isn’t what Diluc’s questioning face is for. “You saw my vision fade even before Albedo did.” He shrugs as if that explains it.

The redhead sucks in a breath, gesturing for Kaeya to go on, “So?” 

Kaeya’s quiet for a moment before meeting the others' eyes plainly. “After you left, I had your vision. I would sit and just…wait, for ages. Whenever it used to fade, I’d feel this sickening drop in my stomach. I would react the same way if I were you, is what I’m trying to say.” 

Being sleepy clearly makes the man more honest, even more than drinking does, somehow. Diluc wishes he had never come in at all— rather a coward than…whatever this makes him. He stares at Kaeya, seeing the sad remembrance in his tired gaze. He never wondered where his vision went when he left, or who might have the burden of watching over it. He thinks of the bile rising in his throat at the sight of Kaeya’s darkened lifeline, the same sinking feeling when his Father died. Like blood soaked through layers of clothing, when it starts to feel like it’s seeping through your skin. One small glimpse of that and Diluc has been itching to hear Kaeya’s steady heartbeat, but he subjected Kaeya to it every day for selfish retribution. 

“Stop.” Kaeya’s voice cuts through the air, completely unwavering, “Don’t do that.” 

Diluc swallows, “What?”

The captain sits silently, like he didn’t mean to say it aloud. “… Never mind.” He mumbles, much quieter than the sureness from before.

Rather than prying, Diluc chooses to say nothing. He knows he lacks the nuance to convey his genuine curiosity, so he settles for not trying at all. The room falls quiet, the stillness of the manor is notable in the night, with the room bathed in moonlight and the lamp’s yellow light. Kaeya’s shallow breathing is clearer now, though it could be his own. The Captain begins to move clumsily, trying to wrap himself up in the blanket. 

Diluc automatically moves to his side, helping him move it out from under the mattress. Kaeya shoots him a look of frustration, so he pulls away quickly. He still lingers close on the side of the bed now, letting the man engulf his body underneath the warm comforter. 

“Are you cold?” He asks stupidly. Kaeya doesn’t reply for a moment, looking distant. “Kaeya,” Diluc calls with more emphasis. 

Kaeya finally turns his head, and then his eyes to the redhead, “Sorry, yeah?”

“I asked if you were cold.”

“Oh, yeah. Ironic, huh?”

This makes Diluc smile, he thinks. Maybe he didn’t really do it, but it felt like he did. The moment is quickly overcome with concern rather than amusement. It was cold downstairs, but there is no reason Kaeya should be so cold up here with the windows shut and vents closed. It feels like he should say something, but that’s really Kaeya’s thing. 

Diluc rubs his eyes tiredly as sleepiness suddenly creeps up on him, he stifles a yawn. This catches Kaeya’s attention, “Go to sleep.” He says sternly, “I’m really fine, I’ll try to get some sleep too.”

This brings no solace to the redhead, why should it? Kaeya wouldn’t tell the truth. He’s lying, just like—

“Okay. I will…see you in the morning, then.”

Kaeya nods in response, and despite his own better judgment, Diluc leaves. He waits there for a second, outside the door, until the lamp’s light disappears from underneath the door. Still, he feels the need to drag his feet away from the threshold of Kaeya’s room. 

To ease his nerves, he wanders the manor, eventually ending up in the kitchen. Diluc looks in the cabinets for wine, then double-checks the locks on the cellar. He makes sure the plants that Kaeya has been taking care of get watered, something he’s sure the Captain thinks fairies do. He closes the living room curtains, because Kaeya’s head will hurt in the morning and the order of his favorite tea has not come in yet. Kaeya will thank Adelinde for it when he wakes, and Diluc will resign himself to letting it happen. Then, only once he has walked through the whole manor multiple times, does he finally get to his bed. 

He opens the door to his own room quietly so as not to wake Adelinde who is also asleep somewhere on this floor. The room lacks any real personal touch, most of his personality stays locked in the study since he does not spend much time here other than to sleep, on the rare occasion when he can. 

Diluc doesn’t take the time to undo his hair, he simply lies exhaustively on his back, knowing Kaeya is likely doing the same in the room right above. 

Something shifts. Being a wanted fugitive in a foreign state and a cavalry captain in your formative years teaches you to know your surroundings well enough to feel a pin drop. And if there’s anything Diluc knows well, it’s the manor. So, by the time a knock comes to his bedroom door, he’s already sitting up in bed with a lamp flicked on. 

There’s only one person those purposefully quiet footsteps could belong to, someone who is trying to disappear. 

“Come in, Kaeya,” Diluc calls as calmly as he can manage despite the hammering in his chest. He expects the worst— a walking corpse. 

Even with his invitation, there’s still a beat before the door creaks open. Kaeya comes in, now wrapped in a sweater. It's a deep blue, knit; Diluc’s fairly sure the Alchemist got it for him. It takes him a second to notice the stark white bandages on his hands, scrunched and haphazardly placed. 

He immediately stands, “What’s wrong?” 

Kaeya shakes his head sluggishly. “I can’t,“ He stops, taking a breath in before continuing, like it hurts to say the words. “I can’t wrap them properly. If you could—“

“Sit, I was up either way.” There’s no question. He remembers the tremors in Kaeya’s hands and the skin that had been painfully peeled away. Kaeya stared at him through hooded eyes. Just for a second, Diluc could see that little boy. Afraid to ask for help, to be helped. With his accented tongue, clad in ripped clothes and soot. 

The Captain gives a quick, tired smile, which twitches unintentionally. Kaeya walks over to Diluc’s bed— who follows close behind— and positions himself as close to the edge as possible. He begins to undo the cruel mess of a wrapping he’s done, only to hesitate before revealing his hands.

He looks up, meeting Diluc’s eyes as he sits down across from him, “You don’t have to.” Kaeya shrugs, because he fully believes Diluc wouldn’t want to help. It fills him with unexplainable fury; how dare he say that? How dare he assume Diluc wouldn’t care— as if he would leave Kaeya to rot. 

Because he did. 

“No,” He says, meaner than he anticipated. He winces at the way Kaeya physically shifts himself to get up and leave, he can practically see the walls go back up. “I don’t mind. I would rather do this than let it get infected.” 

✦✦✦✦

Cedar and grapes are what Diluc’s room smells like. Kaeya hasn’t set foot in here since it was Crepus’s old guest bedroom. It’s the complete opposite of his untouched room. The furniture has been replaced, save for a few decorative items, and the layout is entirely different. He remembers it very well, this was the room he always hid in. It's in the heart of the manor, farthest away from the noise during storms. Kaeya had prepared himself since the moment he decided to walk out of his room to never see it. But here he is, welcomed. 

Somehow, Diluc coming in to check on him was sharp enough to cut through any self-pity he was wallowing in. It forced him to make his way downstairs, with his headache and shaking hands to ask for help. Kaeya figures his ego can take it, it was already mortally wounded the day someone had to carry him into this place. Thankfully, Diluc is quiet as he pulls apart the cruel bandages and rewraps them, saving Kaeya a bit of shame. He grounds himself in the sting, letting it eat away at his exhaustion until it’s but a whisper in his mind. Every blink feels like a few minutes pass by— Kaeya can’t remember when he started losing time like that. Seconds feel like minutes, minutes like hours, but it’s still too short. 

In his hopes to ignore this revelation of his, Kaeya makes the mistake of looking up from his bloodied hands. Diluc’s eyes meet his as he finishes up the wraps on Kaeya’s wrist, the distraction causes him to pull too tightly. It squeezes Kaeya’s wrist, as well as putting pressure on the fresh wounds, and he hisses painfully through his teeth. The flinch is minuscule, in the form of a small twitch, but the redhead still moves his hands away like Kaeya’s become toxic

“Where does it hurt?” Diluc asks quickly, the furrow in his brows deepening. 

In response, Kaeya chooses to shake his head slowly. He doesn’t reach for his wrist that feels like it’s losing blood flow, “Nothing. It’s fine.” He says with a small shrug to hopefully hammer in that point. Kaeya reaches for where it’s too tight and unwraps, but when he instinctively goes to wrap it again, his usually skillful fingers drop the white fabric. Kaeya swallows dry at his useless venture, he squeezes his fist open and close, hoping the tremors will stop.

Diluc picks up the wrap again and continues to work, “How long has that been going on for?” He asks slowly, his voice stern but seemingly softer in the night air, gesturing to the Captain’s trembling fingers.

It takes Kaeya a moment to really pin down when it started, but he calls it on the day he dropped his coffee. It feels distant, despite being not long ago. “When we went to Mondstadt.” 

“When you broke that mug?” 

He nods, “Yeah.” 

The redhead hums in acknowledgment, “I’ll note it for Albedo,” he finishes his task and leans back, “How’s that?” 

Kaeya flexes his fingers, feeling content with the lack of restriction, “It’s fine. Thanks.” The words come out rushed and miss that genuine tone of gratitude that a more lively version of him would have. That used to be his normal. Now, it feels more like he’s just…there. Similar to the interstitial state between clarity and the mind-numbing high of alcohol.

As his mind begins to lose focus, the room goes quiet again without any dissension to keep their conversation going. If anything was said, it must have washed out into buzzing silence— the kind where your ears search for noise, but they can’t find any. Instead, your mind fills the emptiness with ringing to satisfy its basic need for stimulus. Kaeya wonders what he would do if he ever had to deal with real stillness, it feels like he’s always just filling spaces with noise—

“…about it?” Kaeya catches the last of Diluc’s sentence.

”Oh,” he calls out dumbly. Kaeya sits back up, bringing his gaze back to the man before him, “Sorry, what?”

Diluc looks equally as confused, but repeats himself anyway, “Whatever happened before you fainted, do you want to talk about it?” 

“Archons, no.” Kaeya answers almost before Diluc can get out his full sentence, a little too enthusiastically. The redhead seems incredibly nervous, he stares in surprise for a second. Kaeya almost completely recoils in guilt, but then the tycoon cracks the smallest smile, huffing a relieved laugh. 

Diluc’s shoulders fall as he relaxes, “That’s alright.” The smile returns to his neutral face, which leans more towards a hardened scowl. Kaeya remembers when Diluc would laugh at everything. It wasn’t always the big, full-teeth laugh, but rather the quiet chuckles when something amused him that Kaeya always found the most endearing. The man has always been full of loud, unbridled emotion, but that simple joy didn’t translate into his adulthood. Kaeya traces the lines of his brother’s smile in his memory and wishes it weren’t so sickeningly rare now.

A voice outside startles them both out of their thoughts, the sound of Adelinde ordering around her staff. Kaeya turns to the window, where the unmistakable yellow of sunrise can be seen even through the drawn curtains.

Diluc sighs, standing up from the bed, “I should request two cups of coffee, I figure.” 

Kaeya’s head turns away from the window first, but he eventually looks at the redhead and stands as well, “Of course.” He agrees and returns Diluc’s smile.

 

Notes:

What did we think…I fear I was nice
ALSO how do y’all think Kaeya’s nickname, “Kae” is pronounced?? Like Kay or Kye because I always assumed Kye, since that’s how his name sounds? I dunno though