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Felix sighed for the 10th time in 30 minutes. He knew letting himself feel shitty was only going to lead him down a rabbit hole of crappy emotions, but it was just too easy to let himself feel bad when he was already in a bad mood and feeling low. His plans were a bust. Tomorrow was his boyfriend Henry’s Birthday. To make it special for him, he was going to bake him a cake and decorate it special just for the other, as a surprise. Henry hadn’t said what he wanted to do for his birthday yet, and when he’d asked, he was met with a, maybe go out and get food idea of a plan. Which was fine by all means, but there was no clear answer of what he had wanted to do. So when Henry said that he didn't want to do anything on his birthday, Felix felt really sad. He had wanted to help the other feel special on his birthday, and spend the day with him. So when Henry said he had wanted to do nothing, and spend it alone at home, it hurt his feelings. His plan was busted, he’d bought everything for the cake already too… But if Henry didn’t want to spend the day with him, there was no need to bake anything for him. It hurt to look at the stuff in his fridge. He didn’t have a lot of money but he saved up just to buy everything for the cake. It was going to be a matcha flavor with a yummy flavored frosting that was whipped and fancy. Felix had spent a ton of time practicing his cake decorating skills so that the cake would be pretty.
What didn’t help a thing, was when he started going through Henry’s Instagram and saw some random guy commenting on Henry’s posts. Henry had posted some photos of food they gotten, so the comment was just “yummy”. But when he clicked on the account and scrolled through it, he saw that his boyfriend had like a lot of posts, especially ones that were thirst traps and seemingly inappropriate. In fact, there was one from the guy’s college graduation, and Henry had commented, “Hubby” with a heart eyed emoji. He didn’t know why he started going through Henry’s Instagram. Maybe it was because he only had like 120 followers but followed almost 900 accounts and that was a little weird. He’d only gotten through a few accounts when he’d found the one Henry had commented on. It was the 4th account, and the first 3 had been male models…
That, really made his stomach sink to his feet. You see, him and Henry had started dating 7 months ago, and this comment was when they had only been dating for 2 months. It really hurt his feelings. Had Henry been looking at other people this whole time? It didn’t sit well with him, but had it been too long to question it now? That was now like 5 months ago. Could he comment on it without it being weird? Was Felix not attractive enough for his boyfriend? Was he not sending the right selfies to Henry? Did they need to be more revealing? Did he not like the cute selfies he sent from class?
He let his emotions fester. Curling up on his bed, he tried to not cry, but it was hard. Why wasn’t he enough? Why didn’t Henry comment on his photos with things like “hubby”? Was he not Husband material? What was wrong, what did he need to fix to be husband material?
“Felix?” his roommate Seungmin asked.
“Yeah?”
“Are you okay?” Seungmin had noticed that Felix had been quite the last few days and not himself.
Felix paused. He was going to say yes, but then he shook his head no. He’d wanted to lie but he knew it would do no good. He needed a perspective that wasn’t his own and maybe Seungmin would know better, and tell him it was no big deal at all and not to worry. Maybe it was just a small misunderstanding and he was blowing this whole thing out of proportion.
“What’s wrong?”
“Henry doesn’t want to spend his birthday with me. And then, i was going through his Instagram, and I knew it would make me feel shitty but I did it anyways, and I found something I didn’t like, and I knew if I looked, I’d find something that upset me. And now I’ve found it, and I don’t know what to do.” Felix said before bursting out into tears.
“Oh Felixie.” Seungmin said softly before pulling Felix into a hug.
“What was it?”
“Henry commented on someone’s photo a few months ago, and he commented “hubby” with an emoji that had heart eyes. He’s never commented on any of my photos, he’s never really complimented me, told me I looked nice, nothing. I even dressed up extra nice to see if he would say something and he never does. At first I thought maybe it was just a random comment, but it doesn’t make sense, and he follows so many people, and they all are similar, and it’s making me nervous.” Felix said in between sobs.
Seungmin held him tighter.
“Felix, you are the most kind, loving, and beautiful person I know. If he can’t appreciate you, he doesn’t deserve you.”
“I was gonna make him a cake that was fancy, and then he said he didn’t want to hang out at all. Part of me is like, is he going to go out with other people? Has he been this whole time? I feel like I’m a fool. I stayed here because of him. I wanted to go home, but I stayed.”
“I know Felix, it’s okay. Just cry it out.”
“I had it all planned out, I was going to go back to Australia but then I met him, so I stayed longer and now look where we are.” Felix sobbed.
“Hey now, I’m glad you’re here. I know Hyunjin is too.”
Felix continued to cry his eyes out and Seungmin held him.
“What can I do to help you feel better?”
“I don’t know.” Felix sobbed. He’d been depressed since Henry had told him he didn’t want to do anything.
“Who’s your friend that smokes weed? Wasn’t it that guy from class?”
“Yeah.”
“How about, you take a bath, and if you don’t feel any better, we go smoke with your friend? It might make you feel better.”
“Okay.” Felix nodded.
Seungmin got up, filled the bath for Felix and told him, “when you’re done, we can cuddle and tomorrow, we’ll do something. I don’t want you to sit at home upset all day. We’ll show Henry what he’s missing out on, okay?”
Felix agreed to the bath and tomorrow’s plans. The bath was nice. Seungmin had tossed in a bath bomb and turned on the little machine they had that made wave sounds. It was really nice. Felix let himself relax in the tub. He’d left his phone back in his room, not wanting to answer any of Henry’s messages at the moment. If he was being honest, he hadn’t felt ‘alright’ in quite a while. He felt like he’d lived in a constant state of anxiety, where the hum of worry never once ended. Things had been stressful the last few months, add in a global pandemic, then it’s really quite the event.
Originally his plan was to go to university in the states before returning to Australia. Then he ended up meeting Henry, making a ton of friends in his program and didn’t want to leave right away. What did end up happening, was having to move out of campus housing and find an apartment to rent with his friends. Seungmin was his first roommate, he had the other bedroom. Then there was Hyunjin, and he shared with Seungmin. The two had twin mattresses in the already small bedroom, but they made it work. Felix shared with Minho when Minho actually came home. Most of the time, Minho was out, Everyone assumed he was working. He always paid his portion of the rent on time. Where he was, no one could say for certain, he was just never home but no one minded.
Felix had managed to secure a campus job up until covid happened, so his work had dwindled. He took jobs he could get. It was hard because of his visa, he came on a student visa, which meant he couldn’t really work most jobs since it would interfere unfortunately. Most of the time, he did random labor jobs where it was paid by the day and under the table. A few times he’d done modeling jobs. Henry knew Felix didn’t have the most sturdy of incomes and sometimes it made Felix feel guilty. What Henry didn’t know, was that Felix had taken to selling some of his clothes online, random things he had, textbooks, whatever he could in order to make rent. Felix did absolutely everything he could to make ends meet and not struggle so much. He didn’t have much room for things anyways, so it only made sense to get rid of unnecessary things.
He’d sold most of his belongings, from gently worn Doc Martens to hoodies, whatever he could sell online, he sold. It was frustrating, people ripped him off, wanted to pay what they wanted, and didn’t stop to think that he was doing this to pay his rent and eat when he could.
At some point, he considered an onlyfans, and the only thing that stopped him was having to explain to his boyfriend why he did it. But then his boyfriend followed a ton of private accounts that had links to onlyfans, so really what was the point? It frustrated him to no end. What really bothered him, was that the photo that Henry had commented on, that person was like the exact opposite of Felix. It made him feel like he wasn’t attractive to his boyfriend. In the past year, with no where to dance since every studio had closed, he’d gained weight. Some would say that he had needed to gain some anyways, he was too thin. But he hated how it made him feel.
The extra weight on his hips, made him feel disgusting. Especially when Henry had his hands on his hips. It felt extra disgusting. To see Henry comment on a photo where the person was clearly a model and yet had liked and responded to the comment, made him feel ill. It reopened a lot of old wounds Felix thought he’d worked past.
Being a dancer met being thin. It also meant being constantly judged for your body and being told to push yourself to new extremes. Whether it was flexibility, a skill, or weight, he pushed. It’s common for dancers to have Eating Disorders, and Felix was all too aware of that trope. He’d met it, seen it in others, and lived it himself. He hadn’t really mentioned it to the others but he knew he’d made a comment or two to Henry at the start of their relationship about his personal struggles.
When he’d gotten out of the tub, he vowed to himself that he’d work on himself again. He’d gotten lazy during the pandemic and it was time that he fixed that. His bath was nice, but it made him think about how his body looked. He knew he could look better. That’s why, in the morning, he planned to go back to his dancing diet. Where the less you ate, the better. It also wouldn’t hurt his wallet, it’d make his money stretch further.
Seungmin had taken a moment to put new bed sheet’s on Felix’s bed. He’d thrown them in the drier so they’d be freshly warm and made sure Felix had some fuzzy pajamas ready. Felix was grateful to have such a good friend. Seungmin ended up cuddling him for a little while util Felix fell asleep. He then got up. Part of him was tempted to text Henry and tell him that he shouldn’t bail on Felix. But Felix needed to see if Henry would think twice or if he would stop and say, no I want to spend my day with you. It was a test, to see if he was a better man or if he was terrible.
The next morning, Felix texted Henry happy birthday and left it at that. He didn’t want to force a conversation with the other if he didn’t want to have one. Instead, Seungmin helped Felix pick out an outfit and get ready. The other decided that Felix needed to be reminded how good he looked and how loved he was by his friends. If his shitty boyfriend wouldn’t remind him, then he would. Their day started with Seungmin picking out an outfit that showed off how attractive Felix was. Black skin tight jeans with a black button up shirt, nice shoes and he styled Felix’s hair and gave him a little eye liner to make his eyes pop.
Seungmin himself wore blue jeans and a sweater, he wanted to look nice, but wanted Felix to stand out more and be seen for how beautiful and amazing he was. They started with getting a latte and scone at a coffee shop before heading out on the subway. Seungmin decided a little window shopping never hurt and walking around the mall was fun. Felix felt a little self conscious with everyone looking at him but Seungmin reassured him it was because he looked good.
The latte he had earlier was good, but he made sure he got it nonfat and no extra sweetness to it. He was going to be serious about this weight loss thing. Walking around the mall disguised its self as just wandering, but it was good exercise and allowed him to keep moving. If he kept walking and going up and down stairs, that had to be doing something? Between all the stairs in the mall, and in the subway, he’d easily done 10 flights. When he checked the health app in his phone, he was correct. He’d already done 15 flights of stairs and walked a lot. He’d be fit in no time.
By the end of their shopping spree, Felix was exhausted and ready for a nap. His feet were killing him. The subway ride home always felt longer when he was exhausted. Walking up the flights of stairs made his thighs burn but he told himself it was making him skinnier so he had to do it.
Checking his phone, he saw that he had no messages from Henry. It made him even sadder.
“What do you want to do after? Seungmin asked.
“I think I just want to eat at home and watch anime.”
“Okay! Sounds like a plan.”
Seungmin really was such a good friend to him, he didn’t deserve a friend like that. When they did get home, it was moderately late out. Felix set the bags down of things he’d ended up buying in his room and headed to the kitchen. He didn’t really want to eat. He couldn’t stomach the idea of eating when he was this emotional. Grabbing a container of ramen, he set it aside and heated up some water.
“I think I’m gonna go sit and eat this in my room.” He said to Seungmin as he grabbed the now cooked ramen.
“You don’t want to eat together?”
“Nah, I think I’m gonna go to bed right after…all that walking made me tired.”
Seungmin hummed and Felix headed to his room. He sat on his floor and opened his computer. As he took the first bite, he thought about how sodium packed the ramen was, and how full of carbs it would be. He took that first bite and then no others. He let it go cold sitting on the floor as he ignored it. As soon as Seungmin was in his room, he’d throw it away when the other wasn’t looking. He’d lost his appetite when he’d taken the first bite.
Downloading a weight loss tracking app, he calculated his current weight and what his goal weight was. With the guidelines of the app, he’d calculated how much of a calorie deficit he needed to reach his goal. Taking into consideration how much he worked out, it wouldn’t be terribly impossible, just a few things removed from what he currently ate and he’d lose the extra weight he’d put on and be absolutely fine. It was nothing too drastic, just a small few changes, and being more conscious of what he ate. With that in mind, as soon as Seungmin was asleep, Felix tossed the noodles out and then headed to bed himself. He turned some music on to fall asleep and let his dreams take him away. Only briefly waking up to hear Minho come home from where he’d been.
.
.
The next few days went by similarly. Felix found ways to get out of eating with Seungmin most of the time. He’d go to class early, come home late. He got by with eating a cut apple in the morning and then nothing else until lunch where he’d eat something small, like a banana and lunch meat. He wanted to avoid all carbs and extra calories when possible. So a sandwich without the bread, perfect. He started drinking a lot more water and trying to only drink water as well.
By the end of the first week, he hadn’t lost very much weight, but he hadn’t gained anything either. It took getting used to the headaches he’d get randomly, but he learned to always have a bottle of medicine in his bag. When Henry hit him up to go out on Saturday, of course he agreed. He wanted to see his boyfriend, even if he wasn’t feeling the most reassured at the moment. Maybe some time together would do them well.
Saturday morning he texted Henry letting him know he was ready to meet whenever. They’d decided to meet at the subway and go out for lunch. Logically he knew that if he ate too much today, he’d need to budget for that later in the week. As long as he was aware of what was in his food today, he’d be fine.
As he sat with Henry on the train, he questioned everything. Henry never made him feel appreciated, nor valued. He got that Henry was still closeted in some ways, but at the same time, the other never acted like he genuinely cared at all. It frustrated Felix at times. During lunch, Henry ignored him and texted people and laughed at memes. It was annoying, and he felt disrespected the entire time.
By the end of the afternoon, Felix realized he hadn’t enjoyed himself at all. He’d been miserable all day long. When he got home, Minho was already home and in bed. He’d started to put on his sleep clothes but Minho stopped him to have a conversation. All he’d changed was his pants, into a thin flannel material.
“You’re out late.”
“I was out with Henry.”
“Oh.”
“Why do you say it like that?”
“Well, after what Seungmin said, I thought you’d break up with him already. I’m surprised you didn’t.”
“I..” Felix hesitated.
“Felix…as your friend, I love you, but I will also tell you when you need to get your shit together. You’re better off without him. I’ve gotten weird vibes from him the whole time you’ve dated. I don’t think he’s good for you. Break up with him.”
“Hyung, it’s fine, I don’t think he’s a bad person. I think it’s all just a misunderstanding.”
“I didn’t say that, I told you he’s not good for you. Look at you, you’re miserable.”
“Hyung, respectfully, you’re not even home half the time, so how can you know what’s good for me if you’re not even here.” Felix said before grabbing his blanket and pillow and storming out of the room, knowing he’s crossed the line.
“Lee Felix, So help me, I will do it myself if you don’t do it.”
“Leave me alone.” Felix said as he went into Seungmin’s room. “I fought with hyung.” he’d told Seungmin after closing the door.
“I know… I heard…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Felix…He’s right though. I’m sorry…”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Felix said bitterly and got up again. This time he went for the door and grabbed his jacket and headed out. Luckily he’d pocketed his phone and was able to text Jisung if he was at home or his studio. Luckily the other was at the studio.
Waking in silence, he made his way to the studio. It was late, but Jisung was always there. He couldn’t remember where he’d met Jisung, but once they met each other, it was a well formed friendship. They could have had class together, or Jisung knew Seungmin, but their paths crossed at some point and Felix was grateful. With Jisung came Changbin and Chan. Two other really nice people. Chan was Australian as well, and Felix was grateful to know someone who was from where he was from, and understand the culture.
As he entered the building where the music studio was, he sighed. The air outside had been chilly and he was getting cold as he walked. The walk wasn’t too long, only about 20 minutes, but it was still a lot of exercise to do after walking all day long. At least he’d reach his exercise goal for the day. His pajama pants were definitely not warm enough for the walk here.
Entering the studio password into the door keypad, he sighed to himself. At this point he pissed off everyone at home. He would’t tell Jisung why he’d argued With them, not until morning after he’d slept here or at Jisung’s apartment.
“How’s it going?” Jisung asked as Felix entered.
“It’s good.”
“Is it? If it’s 1:45 and you’re here.”
“Eh, I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Fair enough.”
Felix sat down on the couch and pulled the blanket that was there over himself and closed his eyes. Where did his day go wrong? Listening to the clicking of Jisung’s keyboard, he eventually fell asleep.
Jisung zoned out and went back to work, forgetting Felix was there for a while. It was around 3am that he decided he was done for the day and it was time to head home. When he spun his chair around, he’d forgotten that Felix was there. Pulling out his phone, he texted his group chat with Chan and Changbin, “Felix is asleep on my couch what do I do, send help LOL.”
A few minutes later Chan replied in a private chat, “Wish you would’ve told me that like an hour ago, Minho called me worried about Felix and then ranted about what happened.”
“What happened? Jisung asked.
“Minho told Felix he needed to break up with his boyfriend but Felix refuses to see the red flags and listen.”
“Ugh, what a mess.” Jisung sighed very softly.
“Changbin is still really into Felix, I don’t think you should tell him just yet that Felix’s relationship isn’t stable anymore.”
“He’s gonna figure it out.” Jisung pointed out.
“Let him, for now, let’s just get Felix back to ours and encourage him to listen to what Minho has to say.”
‘Which is?”
“Break up with Henry. Minho doesn’t want to push Felix into a corner and say break up or move out, but he thinks Henry is bad news. Minho said that Felix is barely home these days, and Henry is being shady.”
“Have some faith in Felix, he’ll do the right thing.”
“Right now, let’s just get him home. I’m still in my studio, I’ll come down and help you carry him to ours. Or do you wanna wake him up?”
“Wake him kind of, so he’ll walk on his own but drag him along.” Jisung offered.
A moment later Chan knocked on the door softy. Jisung opened it slowly, “Ready to go?”
Opening the door slowly Jisung nodded. Chan gently rubbed Felix’s hair and said, “Felix, it’s time to go back now.”
Slowly Felix groaned, “Mhm?”
“Come on mate, come back to mine.” Chan told Felix softly. Felix groaned and sat up slowly.
Chan slowly lead him down stairs via the elevator. On the ground floor, Felix was a little more awake.
The walk home was cold and brisk. The moon shined brightly for it being nearly 4 in the morning. Luckily it was a Sunday and none of them had classes until Monday morning. A slight breeze made it a chilly walk. Felix had woken up more in order to walk fast.
Once in the warm apartment, Felix took his shoes off and started to go for the couch. Jisung pulled him and said, “Just share with me or Chan tonight.”
Felix yawned and nodded. He followed Jisung to the bedroom. Jisung offered him a clean shirt since Felix still had his shirt he wore earlier on. Once changed, he carefully got into the bed and Jisung followed suit. As Jisung fell asleep, he pulled Felix close and hugged him.
The rest of the week was awkward. Felix never explained to Jisung what happened, and pretended nothing was wrong, which was terrifying because it was like the argument he had with Minho had never even happened. Minho worked so he hadn’t been home when Felix was awake and also at home. Felix had taken to staying out even more than before. He practically lived in the gym. He was showering there, working out any time he wasn’t doing homework or sleeping. It became an obsession. He needed to see the results but it wasn’t happening fast enough.
Come Wednesday afternoon, Hyunjin and Seungmin were ready to corner Felix and force him and Minho to have a conversation. It wasn’t like Felix to avoid someone after a fight. Usually he’d have to fall asleep cuddling the other person. So the fact that he’d barely been home for several days, was a red flag for them all. Felix wasn’t himself these days and it was worrying.
Every time Felix looked in the mirror, he felt like he wasn’t getting any progress what so ever. He’d started to cut out any meal before noon because it wasn’t helping him lose the weight. A few more days went by and he cut out lunch too. On the bright side, he was saving a lot of money.
When Saturday rolled around again, he went out with Henry. This time he decided to stay over, he didn’t want to be at home anyways. They’d gone out, gotten lunch and came home and watched movies in bed. It was kind of nice. Felix ate less and pretended like it was normal. Henry didn’t question it and disregarded it completely. Again, he was on his phone and secretive.
Together they watched several movies, starting with Iron man and the start of the marvel cinematic universe. They’d continued to Captain America and Thor. Of course any time they “cuddled” Henry wanted to make out and have sex. Felix wasn’t completely against it, but sometimes when he slept with Henry, he wondered if he was asexual because he just didn’t enjoy it. He’d orgasm sometimes, but not by any help of Henry. Often Henry only asked him to suck his dick, never anything that was something meant to pleasure him.
By the end of the evening, Felix’s butt was sore from everything Henry had wanted to do. Felix didn’t want to say he wasn’t interested, but Henry would respond with, then I guess I’ll just take you home then, when Felix didn’t want to sleep with him. Or he’d pout and be like, “Oh well.” The whole Saturday was like sitting on pins and needles, he never wanted to upset Henry and make Henry uncomfortable. Henry would tell him he was too sensitive sometimes, and needed to be more strong. But Felix didn’t think he was weak. If anything, he thought he was just tired.
He’d been on this diet for nearly 3 weeks and he wasn’t anywhere near his goal. How was Henry supposed to love him if he wasn’t perfect enough yet? When they were having sex, Felix kept his shirt on, he was embarrassed to show how much weight he’d put on and not lost.
Sunday morning brought breakfast, and Felix waking up sore. Right as Felix sat down to eat a bowl of cereal, Henry commented on how bad it was because it was full of sugar, completely discarding the fact that he bought it himself. It made Felix feel self conscious. He hadn’t thought about the cereal being pure sugar and thus making him gain weight. Putting the spoon down, he stopped eating about a quarter of the way.
Meanwhile, Felix didn’t know that across town, his friends were all sitting together discussing him. They hadn’t caught onto the weight loss yet, but they were concerned with why he was out more and more and avoiding them all. He wasn’t replying to their messages, he wasn’t doing much of anything. They weren’t even sure if he was hanging out with Henry when he wasn’t with them, because on Henry’s accounts they couldn’t tell. It’s not like he ever mentioned Felix to begin with. So they weren’t really sure what was going on or where to find their friend.
It was mid afternoon when Felix walked back into the apartment. He’d crept his way in and put his shoes away. He was almost to the bathroom when he heard, “Where were you?” From Hyunjin.
“Oh I was at Henry’s.” Felix said awkwardly.
“Y’know, you could have told us that, we’ve been wondering where you’ve been all week. You never come home, if you’re going to move out with him, let us know so we can find another roommate.”
“Oh. No, I was just visiting him, that’s all.” Felix panicked.
“Next time text us. We don’t know where you are or if you’re alive.”
“Fine, next time I’ll text you.” Felix replied with a bit of an attitude.
Hyunjin hummed and let him continue to the bathroom. Once behind the safety of the locked door, he let a breath of air out that he’d been holding. Turning on the shower, he warmed the water up and then took his clothes off. As he waited, he stood on the scale and checked his progress. He was making very slow progress in his eyes. He still felt huge.
Getting in the shower, he scrubbed off all the lube and random stickiness off. Tears started to form in his eyes. Why was he still here. He missed Australia. He missed his sisters. His friends were clearly upset with him, his boyfriend had told him on the way out, “You’d be better looking if you lost some weight.”
He hadn’t realized it then, but that was when a gear in his mind shifted. After his shower, he looked up more ways to lose weight on his phone. Soon he had a detailed plan on how to diet and drop this much needed weight.
Out in the living room, Hyunjin was telling Minho that Felix was back. Minho sighed. “I don’t think anything we can say, will make him leave Henry. He’s so stuck in this mindset that he needs Henry to feel valid. But he doesn’t need him.”
“Low key he looked like shit when he came in.” Hyunjin sighed.
“Yikes, that’s harsh.”
“But it’s true. He’s got dark circles under his eyes, he’s pale, he looks like a zombie.”
“Yikes. He needs a good night’s rest.”
“Which he won’t do if you don’t apologize hyung. At this point, even if you don’t mean it, tell him you’re sorry you pushed him like that, so he’ll stop sleeping god knows where.”
Minho sighed, “Fine. But we wait it out a little and then bring up the idea again that Henry is bad for him.”
“Fair.” Hyunjin sighed. They dropped the subject when they heard the shower stop running.
They weren’t surprised that Felix went from the shower to his room and then didn’t come out for the rest of the afternoon. Minho eventually worked up the courage- more like he worked on his filter so he could tell Felix he was sorry and convince the other to not stay out so late every night. It wasn’t surprising that Felix forgave him, they knew Felix would.
When Minho hugged Felix, only for a split second did It cross his mind how thin Felix had gotten before it was a fleeing thought. With the roommates no longer mad at each other, they sat and talked for a little while.
Changbin hadn’t been avoiding Felix, it’s just he was never good at hiding his feelings. So it was easier to not see Felix, especially since Felix was dating someone. Someone none of their friends liked. So when Changbin was out and swore he saw Henry holding hands with someone, he took a photo and sent it to his chat with Jisung and Chan, “Am I really seeing this???”
They sent back so many emojis and suddenly they were on a three way call while Changbin was still in the mall. He’d tried to discreetly follow but he’d Lost Henry in one of the stores. What he saw made him angry. Clearly Henry was cheating on Felix and Felix had no idea. Felix didn’t deserve that at all. Luckily, they’d gotten a glimpse of the person’s face and Jisung screen shotted it so they knew what the person looked like. Chan ended up asking Hyunjin- the person who seemed least likely to kill Henry for cheating on Felix, and asked if he knew who the person was. And it just so happened that Hyunjin did.
It was a guy in Hyunjin’s modern dance course. Hyunjin wasn’t close to him at all, but he was friendly enough with him. That’s how Hyunjin used a sneak approach method. It was by all means shady, but he’d make it work. He approached the other guy in class and had it all planned out. With the script in his head memorized he approached the other student.
“Hey! I swore I saw you at the mall the other day with someone but I wasn’t sure it was you. Was that your boyfriend?”
“Oh yeah! We went to the mall on a date.”
“Oh how fun! How long have you guys been together?”
“About 7 months.”
Hyunjin had to bite his cheek and not react at all like he knew something different. “Oh wow! That’s amazing! Where’d you meet?”
“Tinder!”
Hyunjin smiled and nodded, “That’s awesome! I thought tinder was just for hookups.”
“Yeah kind of, but we ended up hitting it off pretty well so.”
Hyunjin hummed. “Oh cool!”
“Anyways, I have to get to my next class, See you around!”
The rage Hyunjin felt inside burned brightly. He wasn’t one to want to murder someone on sight, but Henry was really making a case for himself on why he needed to be hit by a car, backed over, and then pushed into a hole and buried. When Hyunjin told this information to Chan, they all realized that Felix needed to know, and he needed to know now. But what they didn’t know, was that Henry surprised Felix with a trip. That morning, Henry asked Felix to join him on a trip after his last class at 3pm. Felix hurried home and packed his backpack with a handful of clothes for the weekend. No one had been home when he’d hurried in.
He’d brought some nicer clothes and left in his hoodie. Henry had been waiting in the car for him, having picked him up from school in the car. They then began their drive. After all, the bus and subway could only get you so far. Henry didn’t drive the car often because he wanted to save on gas. Which the prices were getting ridiculous, 7$ a gallon, Felix couldn’t blame him. LA was insane, and public transportation took him almost everywhere he had a need to go to.
Their drive led them to San Diego. Felix thought leaving at 5pm on a Friday night wasn’t the smartest idea, but it was fine, it took them a little while longer then needed but it was fine. They went straight to the hotel Henry had booked them and put their stuff down before wandering around a little bit before everything closed for the night. Felix had completely forgotten to reply to any of his friends, especially the group chat asking what every one wanted to get for dinner. He had gotten like 50 texts messages asking where he was, what time would he be home, what he wanted for dinner. He replied to the main chat, “On a date with Henry rn, probably be back tomorrow? We went to San Diego.”
Felix was excited he’d never been to San Diego before. But at home, everyone was screaming. Mainly Minho and Chan.
“We need to tell him.”
“Wait until he comes home.”
The argument was divided almost evenly among them all. The tie breaker was Jisung. He hadn’t picked a side yet. Felix posted a photo and tagged Henry in it. The caption read, “Two years have gone so fast, I even forgot our anniversary.”
Hyunjin subtly sent the post to his one friend from dance and had someone else send it to the guy Changbin saw at the mall. Clearly he needed to know the truth too. By the end of the evening, the truth was out in the open for almost everyone but Felix. He’d noticed that Henry was texting someone and ignoring him a lot, but he tried his best to ignore it. Who Henry texted was none of his blindness. He didn’t want to be someone who was nosy and made their partner uncomfortable. He trusted Henry. Henry had given him no reason not to so far.
What neither Hyunjin or Henry accounted for, was that the side guy would take it upon himself to text Felix.
So Felix randomly saw on his phone that he had a message request on instagram, and he opened it. It read. “Hi, I see that you’re dating a guy named Henry. I am too. You see, for the last 7 months, he’s been kind of sketchy and inconsistent. One time he called me your name actually but I thought nothing of it at the time. I wanted to let you know what garbage he is. I’m going to be ending things with him soon. I am so sorry to have not known the truth, and hurt you in the process. ”
When he saw that, he didn’t know what to do, Here he was in San Diego, no one really where he was, he had no way back, nor any money. So he was stuck. He didn’t want Henry to know that he knew the truth yet. So, despite how hurt he was, he pretended everything was fine. He knew Henry would pay for most things, so he started to rack up quiet the charges. He used Henry’s credit card to buy a Nintendo switch and a game. He also got a new jacket. The car ride back home though, was awkward and tense. Felix could sense that something was wrong, which he knew why, but he didn’t know what to do about it.
In the last 25 minutes of the drive, they pulled over for gas. Felix saw him texting someone, so he asked who it was. He hadn’t expected an argument to break out over it. But it did. And it wasn’t pretty.
“Who the hell is Michael and what Business do you have with an 18 year old…”
“Why are you looking at my phone?”
“You’re blatantly texting other people in front of me, and ignoring me, on OUR anniversary trip. I fucking know it’s not just a coworker.”
“God, you’re so fucking annoying. It’s not a coworker. Fine, you’re right. Congratulations, are you happy with yourself?”
“You’re such a piece of shit. Why couldn’t you just end things if you weren’t happy? You’re such a low piece of shit. Open the fucking trunk.” Felix cursed. He was swearing left and right, as he was angry as could be.
“What are you going to do?”
“Find another way home, cause I’m sure as hell not going with you.”
“Fine.” Henry dismissed and hit the trunk release lever.
Felix got out, grabbed his bags from the trunk and just pulled all of his stuff out, glad he’d put it all in his suitcase earlier. He slammed the trunk shut as hard as possible.
“GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU CHEATING ASSHOLE.” He screamed.
Henry flipped him off out the window and replied, “Good luck finding someone who could love such a shitty broken person like you. You’re so fucking depressing to be around. I pity anyone who puts up with you.” And then sped off, tires screeching.
Felix watched as he drove off, tail lights getting smaller and smaller. It was as he looked around, that he realized the sun was setting and he had no idea where he was. Pulling out his phone, he saw on the map where he was. It was a 3 hour walk, or a 30 minute uber ride, OR a 2 hour train ride because he had to find the subway and transfer, and take a bus. Finding the nearest station, he started the long walk there. By the time he made it there, the sun was setting. His phone was at 25%, he didn’t think it would make it the whole time.
Getting on the train, he awkwardly sat with his bag in his lap. By the time he got to where the transfer point was, he was mentally exhausted from trying not to cry his eyes out on the subway. The next subway line wasn’t the longest trip, but the bus ride was. Walking the last few blocks home, he was exhausted. His body hurt, and he couldn’t keep the tears at bay any longer. They started to fall slowly. All he wanted was to be strong, but here he was, breaking yet again. He really was such a broken person after all.
In the last 5 minutes, he pulled himself together. He didn’t want to tell anyone what happened. He needed time to deal with it before he told them and they all murdered Henry. Wiping his tears, he used his phone to check his face but it died as he looked at his reflection in the camera. Taking a deep breath, he walked in slowly and took his shoes off before continuing towards his room.
“ Oh you’re back later then I expected.” Seungmin commented.
“Yeah there was traffic.” Felix said flatly.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah.” Felix said without any enthusiasm.
“Are you okay? Is there anything wrong?”
“No, I’m just tired.” Felix lied. “I think I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight.”
Felix hummed to Seungmin’s, “Goodnight”, and kept walking. In the safety of his room, he put his stuff away before changing and breaking down in tears. Luckily Minho wasn’t home yet, so it was fine to cry loudly before he got home.
He ended up crying himself to sleep. When Minho came home, he found Felix asleep already and crawled into his own bed and slept.
The next morning was a Monday morning. Felix woke up with a pounding head ache and his face puffy. Luckily he’d woken up before everyone else, and he’d taken a shower and headed out. He didn’t have class for awhile- it was like barely 7am, but he didn’t want to face anyone right now. He’d taken his backpack and things he needed for class and left. His stomach hurt. He couldn’t stomach the idea of even trying to eat anything, let alone drink water. Just the idea of food brought him intense nausea.
Walking to the gym, he worked out for a bit before taking another shower at the gym. By the time he got to class, he was exhausted and not looking forward to the day. Luckily, he didn’t see any of his friends until the later part of the day. But he did have dance today, and his body was just not wanting to do it. But he knew that dancing through his struggles would help him through it. Or at least give him the chance to take a mental break and focus only on dance.
He saw Jisung walking to class earlier and said hi, like everything was normal and he wasn’t depressed and wanting to cry at the slightest thing. When he got to dance, he turned his thoughts off and just focused on the choreography. He ended up staying after class and dancing for even longer. When he finally stopped, it was really late. He’d only noticed because the person who came to close the studio at night was telling him it was time to go. He awkwardly apologized and headed out. When he’d checked his phone, it was almost 10pm. Not wanting to go home yet, he took a walk. He tried to gather his thoughts and organize them, but it didn’t help.
His heart hurt. He had loved Henry with his whole heart, and Henry took that and threw it away. He’d given his mind, body and soul, for what? To be broken into small pieces until he couldn’t begin to recognize himself or the person he was before he’d met Henry. Who was the Felix from two years ago? The one who enjoyed laughing with his friends, and playing video games with them. Instead, he’d pretended to be more mature and older because that’s what Henry wanted. He’d given up the sole things that made him, himself. He’d covered his freckles with makeup for a while, wore his hair how Henry told him it looked best. Wore the clothes Henry told him looked good. And now, Felix had no idea who he was beneath the clothes and hair.
When he walked into the apartment, it was quiet. Slipping his shoes off, he made his way to his room to put his stuff down before taking a shower. He’d been as silent as a mouse, but Hyunjin had seen him.
“Dude where have you been?”
“Oh I stayed after class for a while, and then hung out with some people from class.” Felix lied. He hadn’t planned on lying, but he didn’t want to admit he’d walked around campus thinking about which building was tallest and non survivable if you jumped off it.
“Was it fun?”
“Yeah, it was alright. We didn’t do much.”
“I see. Anyways, just try and text us when you’re staying out super late so we don’t worry!” Hyunjin said, trying to not sound annoyed because he knew he’d already told Felix once before to text him and he didn’t.
Felix hummed and then put his stuff in his room. Walking back to the bathroom, he turned the shower on and let it warm up a little bit before getting in. With the water running, he let the tears fall. How do you pretend nothing is wrong when your whole world is cracking and tilting off balance. He knew he could tell his friends and they’d likely understand, but he felt embarrassed. He felt such shame to have to say, “Henry cheated on me and told me I deserved it for being depressed.” He hated saying he was depressed. In his mind, to be depressed, you needed a doctor to confirm it and give you a diagnosis. So he justified that he wasn’t depressed because the doctor said he was fine.
As the water ran down, he thought about how meaningless the last two years were. He gave up so many things only to have it be thrown in his face. All the times he could have hung out with his friends, the trips he didn’t take with them. It made him feel shitty. When he got out of the shower, it was even later. He hadn’t meant to zone out, but he kept doing that lately. Drying his hair, he then went to bed.
When would it all stop hurting?
When would he fall asleep without crying?
Another two days passed and it was on Thursday of that same week that Hyunjin, Minho and Seungmin had enough of Felix staying out and coming home late and leaving early. Minho purposely stayed up all night so he could catch Felix leaving in the morning to see what time he left at. He caught Felix sneaking out of the apartment around 6am, having came home and gone to bed around 1. He wasn’t sleeping nearly enough for how hard he was pushing his body.
And eventually it showed. Friday morning, Felix woke up with a cold. He took some medicine and tried to go to class. It wasn’t bad yet- just a headache and some aches. It wasn’t a cold yet, just maybe one of those where you didn’t get enough sleep, sleeps. He’d gotten to his second class but Chan had seen him on the way to his third class and said no. He’d been barely standing and was completely dizzy. When Chan had touched Felix’s forehead, he instantly realized Felix had a cold and needed to go home. Chan was lucky, he didn’t have another class until much later in the day, and it was pure luck he’d crossed upon Felix when he did.
So Chan brought Felix home. Minho and Hyunjin weren’t home and Seungmin had left right before they’d arrived. Chan got Felix into bed which was a bit of a struggle. He’d had a hard time getting Felix’s shoes off. At that point, he picked Felix up, set him on the couch and then took his shoes off before putting them away in the proper place. He’d expected Felix to not be easy to move, but when he lifted him with no struggle, he frowned.
Putting the thermometer in Felix’s mouth, he saw that it said he had a fever and it was going up. Which is how Chan found himself trying to pull Felix’s hoodie off of him, but struggling because Felix was just lucid enough to fight him on it. Eventually he got it off. When he did, he regretted it. Felix was wearing a t shirt but it was clearly too big. But when you pulled the fabric tight, you realized how small he was. The way Felix’s elbow’s were too bony and his wrists were extremely gaunt, had Chan starting to panic. When the t shirt got lifted when he was putting ice packs on Felix to cool him down, he saw how sunk in his stomach was, and how gaunt Felix’s appearance really was. The closer he looked, the worse it got. The way his skin stretched over his collar bone, the way his head looked to heavy for the rest of his body.
That had him calling Minho and telling him he needed to come home now, Felix had a cold, and Felix was also quite more ill then he realized. With the ice packs and some more medicine in him, Chan got Felix’s fever to come down slightly. He’d gotten the younger to drink water and start to hydrate.
Minho rushed home, having heard that Felix was sick. Together the pair helped Felix into his bed. His fever had started to climb higher again. This time Minho pulled off Felix’s sweat pants and left him in his boxers. He’d even removed the socks. It was in that moment, that they realized Felix was far from okay. Minho could count every joint and bone. It was enlarged and gross. Minho hadn’t seen the what Chan had until that moment.
“How did this happen?” Minho asked Chan a little bit later when they sat in the living room.
“I don’t even know where to begin.” Chan sighed.
“Seungmin told me it was awhile back that Felix started to stay out later and later but he would tell us that he was with Henry, but I don’t think it was true.”
“I don’t think so either, not knowing what we know now.”
“Do you think he knows?” Minho asked.
“Who Felix?”
“It’s hard to say. He could know and not be saying anything, or he doesn’t know, and he has no idea. Which if that’s the case, we need to tell him. We realized, and we need to say something, otherwise we’re as no good as Henry. We’re allowing Henry to continue his actions when we don’t tell Felix what’s happening.” Minho reasoned.
Chan sighed. “You’re right.”
As they discussed it, Seungmin and Hyunjin eventually came home from their classes. Minho and Chan informed them that Felix was sick and resting at the moment. Chan ended up sleeping on the couch because he wanted to make sure Felix was okay. It was around 6 in the morning that he woke up to movement in the kitchen.
Felix had woken up and was trying to sneak out, but he was completely loud and lacking his usual grace and quietness. Chan woke up and found him standing in the middle of the kitchen. He took one look at Felix and said, “Go back to bed. You’re not better yet.” Felix had started to argue but Chan grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back. He went as far as manhandling Felix back into bed and tucking him in. “Sleep.” He commanded. Felix pouted and rolled over onto his side.
“We’re gonna talk after you sleep some more, and feel better. Got it?”
Felix hummed and closed his eyes. He ended up falling back asleep. When he woke up again, it was afternoon. He felt a lot better than the last time he woke up. His head wasn’t hurting as bad but his nose was still very much congested. As he sat up, he groaned. Minho heard him and greeted him from the other side of the bed.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Better.”
“That’s good. You needed to sleep through the worst parts of your cold.”
“Oh.” Felix replied. He didn’t know what else to say.
“You need to be taking better care of yourself. You had a fever for quite a while. You were out of it for a good portion. Chan and I had to put ice packs on you in order to get your fever down. You need to be sleeping more. If you aren’t you will get very ill like this again.”
“Yes hyung.” Felix hummed.
“I mean it. More than just 4 hours a night. You need at least 6. Ideally 8-10 but as a college student it’s not possible. But burning yourself out like this, it’s not sustainable at all.”
“I know…”
“Felix, I don’t think you do know. How far are you going to push yourself and your limits until you break? It hurts us to see you hurting and you won’t let us help you.”
“I’m fine. I’ve just been a little more busy lately.”
“Felix…You are far from fine. I can see it. Chan can see it. We can all see it. It’s okay to be vulnerable and it’s okay to tell us what’s wrong. Please, just share your burdens with us so we can help you through them.”
“I..I Can’t.” Felix started.
“You’ll commit a crime… but also tell me I told you so…” Felix said trying to hold back tears as he continued on.
“Oh Lixie.” Minho sighed.
“What is it?”
“I found out that Henry…was cheating on me…you were …. right hyung. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”
“Oh Felix.” Minho said softly and then sat beside him.
“No, you’ll get sick if you get too close.”
“It’s fine.” Minho said softly.
He hugged Felix tightly. “How long have you known?”
“Since our trip. I found out right before we left to come home. The other person messaged me while I was away.”
“Oh Felix.” Minho squeezed him tighter.
“I ended up taking the train and walking home cause he left me somewhere along the way. That’s why I got home late. It took 2 hours on the train.”
Minho didn’t say a word, but in his head, he was planning on how they’d get revenge without getting caught. No one hurt Felix and left him stranded and lived to tell the tale. They’d get him, and they’d get him good. Henry would regret the day he thought he could hurt their sunshine and not face any consequences what so ever.
“Why don’t you rest up and I’ll get you some tea and something to eat, and I’ll be right back.” Minho told him gently.
“No no it’s okay.” Felix started to say.
“No, I Insist.” Minho said and gently pushed him down into the bed. Felix gave up and yawned.
As Minho heated up some soup for Felix, he sent a text to their ‘Felix protection squad’ group chat. He typed, “He knows…Found out while on vacation with him. Henry left him somewhere. It took him 2 hours to get home on the train with his suitcase.”
Chan who had gone home earlier that morning, texted, “Sooooo permission to kick his ass? Why am I asking, I’m the oldest… Who’s going to be my alibi and who’s willing to bail me out of jail if it goes wrong? I’m not planning on it going wrong btw but just to be sure.”
“Not if I do it first.” Changbin and Minho had sent at the same time.
“We could do a lot of things.” Hyunjin sent.
“Tell everyone he’s a cheater, post fliers at school, tell his friends..The world is ours to be had, we just have to pick an option.” Hyunjin sent a second later.
“Remind me never to cross Hyunjin.” Sent Seungmin a moment later.
“I vote print fliers and tell everyone he’s a cheater.” Changbin sent.
“I still vote kick his ass.” Send Minho.
“Ruin his life and kick his ass.” Sent Jeongin.
“MOOD.” Jisung sent.
“I’ll figure something out I guess, no one do anything just yet, we have to get him back in the most even way possible.” Chan sent.
Minho put his phone away and brought the tea and soup to Felix. It was a bit of a test to see how much Felix would eat. He was so worried for his friend. Clearly the stress had gotten to him. He didn’t know whether he should say something or not. But he wanted to. He wanted to shake Felix and tell him he was perfect the way he was and he didn’t need to harm himself this way.
“Here, have some soup and some tea. It’ll make you feel better.”
Felix went to protest and Minho gave him one look with a raised eyebrow and Felix was putting the soup up to his mouth even though he had no appetite at all. He got maybe four spoonfuls down before he couldn’t force any more down.
Minho didn’t comment but he did put the bowl aside on the small table they had between both beds.
“You need to rest in order to feel bette and get over your cold.”
“mhm.” Felix had yawned before closing his eyes. With everything catching up to him, he fell asleep.
Minho sighed and took the bowl to the kitchen. Felix barely ate, and he knew going forward, convincing him would be even harder. In the group chat that excluded Felix, everyone was commenting once again on what harm they’d like to bring Henry.
Changbin voted they get a billboard right outside campus where he lived and made sure it said he was cheating scum.
Minho liked the creativity, but none of them had that kind of money to pull that off. Jeongin suggested egging his car, but Henry barely drove it, so it wouldn’t hit him where it hurt. Which is where Hyunjin came up with the idea of spreading rumors that he was bad at sex, or his dick was small. It was shallow, but it’d hurt his ego. For a man who was flaunting his sexual activity and “greatness at it”, it would completely shatter his image and leave him dateless and sexless- hopefully.
What Hyunjin hadn’t counted for was the other person, the one Henry had cheated with, texting him back and saying, “You wanted me to confirm he was cheating didn’t you? Felix didn’t know until I told him?”
“My friend saw you two together, and that’s when we realized Felix didn’t know. We were trying to figure out how to tell him but you told him instead. We didn’t want to hurt Felix by telling him, we’d tried to tell him we didn’t like Henry at all, and he did not like that, and pushed us away, which let things get worse.”
“I see. Anyways, I’ve told a few known gossipers that Henry was bad at sex, he cheated on his actual boyfriend, and that he was a shallow jerk. All true things, I know it won't change what happened, but please tell Felix I am genuinely sorry. He’s not answering my messages. Felix didn’t deserve any of this, he’s a nice guy, and I’m genuinely sorry that Henry took advantage of that and of him.”
Hyunjin sent, “oooh we think alike. I was going to say to say similarly that he was bad at sex since his ego is so prevalent on it, and it’s one of the few ways to knock him down a peg and make him mortal again since he’s placed him self on a pedestal worthy of the greek gods. Also, Felix is asleep, he got a bad cold. Henry left him on the side of a road basically and he had to get home from their trip to San Diego. He’s also been pushing himself to the limit and overworking to get through it.”
“God Henry just keeps getting worse and worse..”
“Tell me about it.”
“Tell Felix i hope his cold passes quickly.”
“thanks.”
Hyunjin put his phone away and went to check on Felix. Minho was laying next to him, holding him and running a hand through his hair. It appeared Felix was asleep, he must be feeling sick if Minho is holding him trying his best to comfort him- something Minho very seldom did since his love language was different, but he was giving Felix what he needed more in that moment, Hyunjin theorized to himself.
“Is he doing better?”
“The fever is level, but it’s not rising. It’s a start. He’s freezing cold, but that’s the fever. He’s had a few nightmares.”
“I hope his fever goes away soon.”
“It should break soon, I’ve given him more medicine for it. I’m just worried about how hard he’s working. He’s never pushed himself this far and hard. He’s lost weight, he’s not eating, he’s not himself.”
“It wrecked him.” Hyunjin whispered.
“Henry took his trust and broke it. Now it’s up to us to remind him that he’s loved, it’s not a romantic love, but familial. We can put him back together. It may not be the Felix he was before, but a person who’s grown from the experience.”
“It’s going to take a long time to get over it.”
“It might, but he also has 7 friends who love him dearly and who will fight for him.”
Hyunjin hummed.
.
.
.
It took a few days but Felix’s cold finally passed. With it, came Minho arguing with Felix, Changbin sitting on Felix while Minho was talking one time, and Felix arguing back just as loud. Felix argued that he didn’t need to call him when he was making that two hour trip home, and it would have taken more time for them to come get him, and none of them had a car at the time, and it would have been too much difficulty. Which Minho argued back, it would have been fine and they would have figured something out, he didn’t have to make himself suffer.
Minho then let Chan lecture Felix on needing to eat more and not letting himself get sick. Which Felix proceeded to argue back and tell Chan he was a hypocrite for telling him to not overwork himself. The whole argument blew up even bigger. It settled with Jisung taking Felix aside and helping him calm down. After a breathing exercise and talking out why Felix was so angry, they established the source of his anger. Once they had that, he could deal with what he was mad at.
He wanted to punch Henry in the face. He wanted to tell him he was such a piece of shit, he didn’t deserve Felix, and that if he wasn’t happy, he should have broken up with him long before he decided to cheat, let alone to continue doing it.
Jisung had him write down every single thought, every single thing he was mad about, how he hated how Henry had made him feel small and stupid at times. How he talked down to him and made him sound stupid if he didn’t know something. How he acted like a snob and thought so highly of himself because he had a job that paid well. At the end of the day, he was just a miserable man fronting to try and make himself look better because he was insecure and lonely. His mother loved him but didn’t show it, his father was absent, his brother was awkward but tried to give okay advice and tell him things he had needed to do. Felix had liked his brother more then Henry at times, because the brother was kinder.
With every word on the page, he let every emotion flow out of him. Anger, sadness, Happiness. He missed the person Henry was at the beginning. He missed the guy who made him laugh and smile, and think, “I could be with him for the rest of my life.” He wondered where the Henry he’d known gone. What happened to building a life together, and a future. Where the conversations about picking out a place to live together ended, and his smiles became fake. Was he really busy when he said he was, or was he meeting someone else? Did he take them to the same places on dates? Did he buy the other guy the same flavored ice cream and cologne so Felix wouldn’t suspect a thing since it smelt the same?
By the end of the page, he felt numb. But he had hope. He had his friends, he had people who loved him unconditionally and who would commit crimes for him. People who likely had been the reason that Henry’s car had been egged, and every where on campus, people whispered about how he’d cheated on the sweetest person they’d ever met, and how he wasn’t even attractive himself- how could he have thrown away a person like Felix?
When the page was full, Jisung offered that they either rip it up or burn it, whatever he wanted. So Felix got a lighter, they went outside with the metal trash can from one of the bedrooms, and Felix threw in every single photo of Henry and him, and the letter and he burned it. It felt like it burning meant the door on that part of his life was done, and Henry was officially dead to him, cause the Henry that loved him was now gone.
That night, Felix laughed and partied with all seven of his friends, even if their apartment barely fit all of them. He laughed and he cried, and he knew the future would be better, he had to make it for himself. Later on, he looked up more student jobs he could take, and decided to make a few changes, it was time to reinvent himself, but this time, as someone who was confident and happy. He’d never let another person bring him down like Henry. He’d keep his head held high and remember that he was kind, he was loving and he was attractive, even if Henry hadn’t seen it. He was amazing and he told himself that every single night before bed until he believed it to be true. He’d be fine, he’d surround himself with people who appreciated him for who he was, which he already had a head start with his 7 crazy friends.