Work Text:
I.
Lee Kiyoung came back to the continent with an armful of sand.
His eyes were dead. He didn’t react when the reporters bombarded him with questions. He didn’t react when the guild member chased them away and hovered protectively around him. He didn’t react when the people of Lindel cheered on at his return.
He was simply… empty.
The sand sat in a jar in front of his desk. He cleared everything of importance away to make room for it. Everyone vacated the room to give him space, but he felt like the vast emptiness was the last thing he needed because it left him with little distraction but his own thoughts.
And…
His gaze turned towards the unassuming jar of sand.
“Hello, Hyunsung.” He murmured.
II.
“Fuck. How do I even start?”
“...”
The jar gave no response.
“I’m… sorry.”
“...”
“I shouldn’t have said it. Fuck. I shouldn’t have said it, but I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry, Hyunsung-ah. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. But I regret it. It’s all my fault. So, please… Please… Come back, Hyunsung.”
“...”
“I told you to never leave me.”
“...”
“But right after that, you left me all alone.”
“...”
“I didn’t do it because I wanted to hurt you, Hyunsung-ah. All I wanted was for you to come home. Come back to all of us. Come back to me. I just thought… If you felt guilty enough, you’ll end up coming back. I didn’t mean what I said… I didn’t mean…”
“...”
“When I said I chose you to torment you for the rest of your life, that was a lie. Fuck. Don’t you know me? We’ve been through so much, so how could I have just tossed you aside like that? You should have realized that I was lying, Hyunsung-ah… You shouldn’t have trusted me…”
“...”
“Ha… ha.. You should be happy. You should deserve atonement. You deserve to live. You.. ha... Deserved to be… a hero…”
“...”
“Uhh…. uhhh… You… did grow to be able to sacrifice for others… even if it meant you were never saved… uh…”
“...
“So… please… uh… sniff… Come back so I can give you a good ending… uhh… sniff”
“...”
“Sniff… sniff…”
“...”
“...”
“...”
III.
The jar soon became a bottle after the time it was toppled over by a gust of wind and smashed against the floor, sending sand across every inch of the room, on the carpet, in every crevice, and worst of all - blown out of the window.
Kiyoung kept his windows firmly shut after that, and no one was allowed to open the door to his office without his permission.
He still completed his guild work just as competently as before so the others can’t complain, but he often heard Park Deokgu knocking on the door wondering when he will come outside, or Jung Hayan crying after being barred from visiting his room any time she wanted.
His office became his main bedroom where he had someone bring in a bed. He told them to be mindful of the sand on the ground, and glared when some of the sand stuck to their shoes.
But there were simply too many grains to sweep up. He could still find some wedged in between the carpet.
Jihye came by once to ask him if he really thought Hyunsung was still alive inside the jar. Kiyoung told her of course he didn’t, and she let the matter drop.
Kiyoung began to ignore his calls when the fifth one came from therapists who were ‘mysteriously’ informed that the Honorary Cardinal needs their help.
“I’m not doing anything crazy, noona.”
“That’s right. When was the last time we spent some time together? You’ve been neglecting the others at the guild because you’re worried that your ‘Hyunsung’ will suddenly break into pieces and disappear.”
“It’s just a jar of sand, noona. It’s not like it’s Hyunsung anymore.”
“Then why are you still talking to it?”
“...”
“Don’t pretend like you haven’t been caught talking to it from time to time. If my sources heard from it, that means your guild knows about it too. You should pay more attention to information leaks.”
“I’ll look into it later, thanks.”
“...”
“...”
“You know,” Jihye’s voice was sober, “I would have probably done worse if you had stayed gone forever back then. Compared to that, you’re handling yourself surprisingly well. If it means treating a jar of sand like a person is what’s keeping this continent still floating, then I’ll take it. I’ll get more people to manage the continent while you figure out a way to get your head straight.”
“... Thanks, noona.”
“Take care of yourself, oppa.”
IV.
It was impossible after all to keep track of every fine grain of sand. Hyunsung’s mass kept getting smaller and smaller until enough of him was left to fill a small hourglass.
Every time Kiyoung turned that glass and watched the pouring sand slowly fill up, he imagined the sand slowly stacking on top of each other to form a body. If a human can turn into sand, can't he just turn it back into a human?
Even after layers upon layers of magic circles protecting the fragile hourglass, both the sand inside and the time it symbolized continue to escape him. Little by little it trickled by, messed with his perception, and disappeared into the ether.
Kiyoung couldn’t find any of his lost pieces either.
Lee Kiyoung was afraid.
He was not afraid of war, of dying, of so many other crazy shits he went through to save the continent. But he was afraid, now.
Because he knew.
If the last drop of the sand ran out, then he will lose his last link to Hyunsung.
V.
Another tragic incident left Kiyoung with the remaining grain - that’s all that’s left of Hyunsung’s soul.
He stopped coming out of his room, even stopped the constant fluttering paperwork because even a single sheet of paper can blow the remaining grain away.
Putting the grains of sand into an airtight bottle hadn’t worked. It was almost as if the remainder of Hyunsung’s soul chafed at being imprisoned and vanished more of itself overnight.
Whatever happens to this final grain, Kiyoung has to dedicate his all to watch it.
The knocking at his door that was once constant from concerned friends or officials now slowed to a trickle, and most of the time he only opened the door when it was time to eat.
But sometimes, he forgot if he opened the door or not.
He wasn’t hungry anyway. He had letters to write, theories on creating a dummy body and anchoring a soul to it rather than data, or creating a homunculus and wiring it so it can retain the same body for Hyunsung to return to.
But the problem was, Hyunsung’s existence itself was deleted. So no matter what Kiyoung tried, he could not find any sign of him.
He can’t give up yet. He’s close to a breakthrough.
Hyunsung’s original revival was due to a system error, but now that the error was fixed, the system continued on as though nothing was out of place.
But even so, didn't the system still have an error log? And wouldn’t Hyunsung still be registered there to record that there once was an error?
He can’t stop now, he can’t give up.
Just a little more and then he can get Hyunsung back. If he get Hyunsung back, then he’ll…
He’ll…
First, he’ll apologize again. This time there will be no lies between them that lead to room for misunderstandings. Kiyoung can admit that he learned his lesson.
Secondly… secondly…
Kiyoung frowned.
When… when was the last time he ate?
…
…
Thump! His body hit the ground, and a single grain of sand fluttered gently in the air before landing in the center of his palm.
VI.
When Kiyoung woke up again, something warm was pressed against his palm. When he opened it, he saw a tiny figure curled up inside, fast asleep.
It was a tiny Hyunsung, dressed in his usual guild master outfit with everything to fit his tiny size. He was small enough to make Kiyoung’s palm his bed.
No matter how much Kiyoung called to him, when he poked and prodded and even carefully pinched, the tiny figure remains in an everlasting slumber.
Even so, Kiyoung was filled with hope that one day, Hyunsung will wake up again.
If he forgets him then he’ll simply remind him again.
If he's angry then he’ll apologize to him.
If he's scared, then Kiyoung can comfort him.
If he wants to leave, then Kiyoung will keep track of him.
As long as he’s awake, as long as he’s alive, there’s hope.
Kiyoung just need to take good care of Hyunsung.
VII.
After a while, Hyunsung grew bigger. He outgrew Kiyoung’s palm and soon needed a doll-sized bed to sleep in. Hayan came by and cooed at how adorable the guild master has become.
The more Kiyoung took care of him, the more Hyunsung grew.
Jihye came by again, this time with darker circles under her eyes. She smiled when she saw Kiyoung walk into the Black Swan guild to visit.
“You got him back, oppa? I thought my back was going to break with the amount of work I had to do. A lot of your guild members offered to fill in for you so you can do what you wanted to do. Even after Park Deokgu accidentally made it rain gold in the small town of Rachel- Hm? What’s that look for, oppa?”
“Nothing… I was surprised that they’re the ones you recruited to help manage the continent.”
“Oh, did you think they left you alone after you moped around inside your room all this time?” Jihye laughed, “They were running around doing errands for me. Ahn Kimo complained so much about how much of a workaholic you normally are, because it’s taking three members of your guild to manage the work you normally manage, two for public relations, one for each weird position you have at your guild, and the rest trying to keep the ecology of the continent running.”
“... You make it sound like a lot of work, but isn’t it usually automated by the system? We just need to direct it and delegate.”
“Shush, it’s all so they can leave you to work on your own. So how’s your sleeping beauty now? That bastard better appreciates everything we went through just to get him back.”
“To be honest, I wasn’t sure he will ever come back, even if he’s in this form. There has to be a way to wake him up. I’m sure of it.”
“... I’m not too sure.”
“... Huh?”
“...”
“...”
“...Forget it,” Jihye looked aside. “Before you focus on taking care of Kim Hyunsung, you better focus on taking care of yourself first.”
“...Noona?”
“When was the last time you ate?”
“This morning.”
“I mean before Hyunsung came back.”
“...”
“...”
“I can’t remember.”
“I thought so. And I can’t shake off the feeling that Hyunsung coming back was directly related to something from that time. Who knows? If you eat well and sleep well, maybe the answer will naturally come to you.”
“That’s not how it works, noona.”
“That’s why I said forget it.” Jihye waved her hand aside. “The soldier’s still writing reports about your group’s escapades together. Changryeol and the rest of the team already finished theirs, but your report never said what happened to Hyunsung. Since he’s as good as back now, I thought I’d ask you.”
“...”
“Did he do something that ended up causing this all to happen?”
“...No. That was my fault.”
“It’s rare to hear you admit fault to something.”
“It is?” He hadn’t noticed. He spent a lot of time rehearsing his apology to Hyunsung, enough to forgo his pride and determination to never yield.
Not being able to yield was part of what landed him in this mess, after all.
“I made a mistake,” Kiyoung admitted. “When I first revived Hyunsung from the Legacy of Altanus, I gave the system an error to get him back. But now, in the heat of the moment, I lost control of myself. I ended up undoing what I did to bring him back in the first place. So he was lost again.”
“And you can't bring him back the way you did the first time?”
Kiyoung looked at her, then shook his head. “I can't take it back.”
His gaze was distant, lost, and Jihye worried about what will happen to his frayed psyche held up by hope and guilt - if Kim Hyunsung never woke from his slumber.
She didn’t want to imagine it.
VIII.
The days pass by. Hyunsung grew to the size of a small puppy. Kiyoung often petted his hair while murmuring his rehearsed apologies.
But that’s not what Hyunsung wants.
Sometimes, Kiyoung talked about their arguments. He offered his own forgiveness if that's what was holding Hyunsung back from waking up. He will forgive Hyunsung a thousand times if he needs it.
But that’s not what Hyunsung wants.
Other times when Kiyoung failed to make progress in his research, he would slump in his chair and start talking about the truth behind many incidents. If not the truth, maybe finding out the times he’s been deceived would anger Hyunsung enough to come back.
But that’s not what Hyunsung wants.
After countless confessions and stories about himself, Kiyoung felt like maybe he should know when to give up. But he doesn’t, because he knew he couldn’t afford to. So he continued on.
But that’s not what Hyunsung wants
Kiyoung tried to tell Hyunsung what their future will be like. Their plans for after the foreign war was never realized, since both of them were immediately swamped with work. He can teach Hyunsung about finances so he will stop using money so frivolously. But those are only things that they can do if Hyunsung wakes up, Kiyoung tells him.
But that’s not what Hyunsung wants.
Kiyoung tried to…
…
And tried…
…
…
And
…
…
Frustrated by the lack of progress, Kiyoung gave up on working and spent most of his days with Hyunsung. As if he was still a tiny grain of sand that was one breath from disappearing, Kiyoung kept a close watch on him.
Never again. Hyunsung will never leave him again.
But…
Is that what Hyunsung wants?
IX.
…
.....
.........
The small figure of Kim Hyunsung remained fast asleep, the tiny rise and fall of his chest was the only thing indicating he was alive. He grew some more, now the size of a child, while Kiyoung had grown back to being an adult.
Hyunsung’s complexion was healthy. His cheeks were chubby and squishy and his face had a healthy glow.
Unlike Kiyoung, who was skinny, pale, and sickly. Dark eyes are still filled with determination, even after spending many nights without sleep.
He hadn’t let the rest of the guild members see him like this. He knew they will freak out and fuss over him. But Kiyoung was so tired now. Tired of stubborn Hyunsung and his refusal to wake up, and tired of waking up from nightmares about the remnants of Hyunsung suddenly disappearing like the rest of the fine grains of sand.
But that was fine, he’s fine. All he needed to do was knock on his door and the guild staff will deliver the finest gourmet meals to his door in an instant. They can reach double speed if he announced he was hungry.
Still, Jihye’s most recent letter bothered him. She told him that if nothing’s worked by now then he should just let it be. At least Hyunsung’s alive, even if he’s not really aware and about.
Just focus on taking care of yourself first. Stop pushing your friends away. Cho Hyejin is really worried about you and kept asking me if you’ve been working yourself sick. Don’t make her words into reality or I’ll personally come over and-
Another letter.
Damn it, oppa. I know you’ve always been obsessed over Kim Hyunsung, doubly so now that you think you owe him something. But listen to me: You don’t actually owe him anything. What happened has already happened. You already did your part and brought him back, and you’re not required to be his nanny every hour of the day. Just let one of the staff take care of him, or even take turns so you won’t die from exhaustion-
Another letter.
Even Jin Qing asked me where you were. Yes, he came to me all by himself. No, I didn’t ask him. That should give you an idea of how worrying your situation is now, hmm? He’s asking you to play chess! I checked and he wasn’t abducted and replaced with an imposter-
Another letter.
Don’t try to out-stubborn me like Kim Hyunsung is trying to out-stubborn you. Not too long ago you were begging him to come back home. Well, now I’m begging you to come out of your home. I have Park Deokgu. I can convince him to demolish your room for your sake-
Final letter.
I miss you, oppa.
X.
Kiyoung closed his eyes and dreamt.
The scenery was the ruined continent illuminated by the sunset, which was the same scene where he convinced Hyunsung to return to himself and fight the Plague Lord. His play back then felt so callous, with the way he rolled Hyunsung’s mentality around without a care. Unafraid to accidentally drop it and break it to pieces.
The past him didn’t know the instant those pieces shatter, he won't have the ability to piece it back together again.
Hyunsung was nowhere to be seen even inside his inner world. The landscape remained silent and empty, except for the sound of the wind.
The wind. Kiyoung haven’t opened the windows in a long time. When was the last time he felt wind?
He took another step forward, feeling the warmth of the sunset. His pale skin felt like it was on fire and he blinked against the light brighter than his lamps.
There was the sound of nature. Birds chirping, crickets, and animals crying softly. These are the things that shouldn’t be on the ruined continent, but this was a dream and so Kiyoung didn’t pay it any mind.
Step by step he continued to walk along a narrow road. Voices came from all around him, calling to him with familiar voices.
“Vice guild master.”
“O-oppa!”
“Hyung-nim…”
“Lee Kiyoung-nim”
“Lee Kiyoung!”
“Come back to us, please.”
Kiyoung continued to walk forward, determined. He had to find Hyunsung first. This was his only chance now. He was close to ending this stubborn cat-and-mouse chase with Hyunsung’s consciousness that still exists within him.
He marched through the wasteland, finding himself across a variety of landscapes. The others’ voices poured over him like a flood.
“Oh no, are you alright?”
“That’s why I told you not to overwork yourself, hyung-nim!”
“We’re here to help if you just ask us.”
“Damn it, vice guild master! We all care for you, so why don’t you ever ask us to help you?”
“You really need to take better care of yourself, Lee Kiyoung.”
“Tsk, tsk… You’re too skinny. Your bones are showing.”
“I… we understand that the guild master is very important to you! But you are also very important to us as well! Please don’t work yourself to death, even if it means that the guild master can come back! That won’t make any of us happy!”
“...”
“...”
Kiyoung was close now. He can’t go back. As he continued to walk, he caught the scent of coffee. It reminded him of his usual routine of reading the newspaper with his morning coffee and stepping outside to watch the guild members train while having fun. He missed it so much, to have fun with everyone again.
It’s been a long time..
It’s been a very, very long time.
Which makes this all the more infuriating, now that he thought about it. He already did everything in his power to get Hyunsung to come back, so why the hell wasn’t he coming out? It’s true after all that if you yield an inch, the other side will take a mile.
Kiyoung had both yielded and refused to yield to Hyunsung, both with disastrous results. Now he stood, uncertain, in front of a familiar landscape. He missed the streets of Lindel where he could walk and wave to admirers walking by.
There were so many things in his ordinary, daily life that he missed. Now that things have calmed down, surely they can come back to that? If Hyunsung sees what he was missing, can he finally come back out and stop running away?
“Don’t come, Kiyoung…”
It was a small voice.
Hyunsung’s voice sounded so small, so fragile. It only hastened Kiyoung’s steps. The scene shifts with each step he takes.
He was standing in front of Hyunsung’s hiding spot in the tutorial dungeon. There was silence.
He was standing in front of the space where Hyunsung was punctured by a million blades. There was no one.
He was standing in front of the ruined Lindel once more. This time he was alone.
The Empire…
The Republic…
The battlefield…
Rachel…
Heren…
Mirror Lake…
…
…
And finally…
…
…
“Please…”
Kim Hyunsung was within sight. His hands clutched tightly to Durandal coated with blood.
He was crying.
Kiyoung was crying too.
XI.
“You shouldn’t be here…”
“Shut up. You never listen to a damn word I say. I told you not to leave me, and you went ahead and left me. I begged you not to go, and you still went. So I’m going to go and drag you back out, no matter what it takes.”
Kiyoung takes a step forward… and stops, because Hyunsung was pointing Durandal at his own throat.
“Stop, Hyunsung… What are you doing?”
“Everything… I heard it all, Kiyoung-ssi.”
“...Hyunsung?”
“Everything you went through, Kiyoung-ssi. You were taking care of me outside, weren’t you?”
“That’s right. You should come with me. We’re finally going home, Hyunsung.”
“No… no… You let yourself end up like this… All because you were taking care of me.”
“I-”
“I refuse to be your burden! All this time, you’ve been taking my burden by yourself. My very existence is a shackle that keeps you from happiness because all I’ve done was hurt you!”
“That’s not true. Didn’t you hear everything I said? What I said before was that I got caught up with the emotions of the first timeline. It doesn’t mean anything. What I want now is to give you the future.”
“It means something,” Hyunsung said quietly. “What you said is right. I am a hypocrite, a coward who only ran away. Even if you were carried away, it doesn’t make your words less true.”
“Fuck! I don’t care about any of that anymore! Listen to me! It doesn’t matter if you’re a coward or a hypocrite. I chose you, alright? And I still choose you.”
Hyunsung let out a hurt laugh, his head tilting upwards as his eyes closed. The visage of his sleeping face from the real world was so vivid that Kiyoung was afraid that he won't wake up again.
"Kiyoung-ssi gave me a future that I don't need, because I can't live when my existence harms Kiyoung-ssi. Why didn't you let me disappear? I don't want you to waste your life for... someone you've already wasted it for."
“I’m the one who decides if it’s a waste.”
“It's better if I don't exist."
“That’s not up to you to decide.”
“Then who?” Agitated, Hyunsung plunged Durandal into the ground, causing a loud tremor below the ground. “Thinking back, there was not a single time when I took responsibility, Just let me go and live, Kiyoung... You don't need me anymore.”
"No, Hyunsung. Wait-"
Hyunsung opened his eyes again and unlike before, Kiyoung could see the golden colors swirl inside the eye from their bond. But Hyunsung wasn’t smiling as he regarded Kiyoung with that eye.
"I'm the one you chose to regress, I'm the one you chose to protect and help, and I'm the one you chose to... to kill you that day."
"..."
"Why... Kiyoung?"
"It was necessary."
"No, it wasn’t."
"The continent needed to survive, and everyone living in it."
"I don't care about that."
"To protect our bond..."
"The bond we formed made me kill you!" Hyunsung's voice rose in pitch until it was nearly a scream, his fists clenched hard enough to draw blood. "When were you going to tell me that, Kiyoung...? Why does it mean that you didn’t trust me to find a different way to awaken and win? Every single time, you’re the one who pays the ultimate price while I am left with everything except what I truly care about. If that's what having our bond meant, then I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't need to exist. I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't need to exist I don't n
"..."
"..."
"..."
“..."
Kiyoung wakes up.
Hyunsung was no longer there.
XII.
"........................."
"..................................?"
Kiyoung rubbed his eyes sleepily and got out of bed. He stretched and felt puzzled by the aches and weakness in his body. It hadn’t been that long since he exercised, had it?
The room was empty.
Maybe he should get a checkup. It wasn’t like him to let his body deteriorate to this degree for no reason. Once he clears his schedule, he should call Elena over.
The room was empty.
Kiyoung got dressed, making sure his clothes doesn’t sag against his thin frame. His stomach rumbled as he poured himself a cup of coffee, and he scooped up a pile of breakfast trays that had been sitting neglected in the corner of the room, with two sets of bowls and spoons.
The room was empty.
"Vice guild master! Y-you’re out of your office! We’re so glad to see you come out! Ever since you shut yourself in your room, we've all been so worried!"
"Haha, there's no need to worry. I was just working on a project of mine that took some time, that's all."
"Oh, was it about that hourglass? You were very busy with it every time I saw you. You said you were checking the time it takes for each grain to flow."
"..."
"Vice guild master?
"Hourglass?"
"... Are you feeling alright, Vice guild master?"
"I'm perfectly fine. Thank you. Perhaps you should bring me some refreshments."
Kiyoung stepped outside.
The door creaked shut.
There was nothing in the room anymore.
