Chapter Text
Hello again history buffs!
I present a series of letters found in the now abandoned city of Calas Galadhon in the Golden Wood.
[Please note: The gentleman adventurer who found these letters was very definitely engaged in legitimate salvage and not grave robbing.]
As a noted collector of elven script and prominent citizen of Bree, I have taken it upon myself to translate them.
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"Dear cousin,
With your position as a scribe in the court of King Thranduil of the Greenwood, perhaps you can help me with a project.
I asked the lady Galadriel if she took part in any of the great battles of previous ages, and she laughed and said "Rumil, you are training to be a scholar. Before interviewing your source, collect all relevant information and have plans to steer the interviewee away from half-truths, vagueness, or blatant falsehood."
She then bayed me try to answer the question myself with the use of the official archives, and if my scholarship pleases her, she will grant me a full official interview!
I may make a name for myself as a historian yet - but, the sources in the archive contradict eachother!
Could you ask King Thranduil if he remembers her in any battles?
Greatest thanks, your cousin Rumil in Lothlorian."
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I am relatively certain that this is the next letter in the series:
"Dear cousin Rumil of Lothlorien,
I asked King Thranduil.
He didn't really answer the question, but he said that the Noldor are notorious for succumbing to blood lust.
I'll let you know if I find anything else.
Your cousin, Beldur of the Greenwood."
................
How interesting! Is this just Sindarin prejudice against the high elves, or are we on to a secret about the lady and her kin! Here is the next letter:
"Dear cousin Beldur of the Greenwood,
Thankyou very much for asking king Thranduil.
As for my own hunt, after many hours in the archive, I have managed to establish that in the second age, Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn were in Lothlorien as guests of King Amdir when they heard of forces massing to attack the Noldorian realm of Eregion. Celeborn, with forces from Lothlorien granted to him by king Amdir (and possibly some of Celeborn's own followers?), went and harried Sauron's army, failing to stop the assault on Eregion, but eventually meeting up with Elrond who was leading forces from Lindorn.
At first, it appeared that there was no evidence or record of lady Galadriel's location or activity during this time, however, I have found what may be a clue. There are a surprising number of official correspondence with the dwarfs of Khazad Dum from this time. Based on what I know of the lady's family, here is my hypothesis:
The lady stayed in Lothlorien to weave wards and help protect it from opportunistic attacks whilst it's army was away. I think that would make tactical sense, since her defensive wards are the stuff of legend, and with Lothlorien secure, king Amdir could send out his entire army.
At some point after this, the lady must have heard that Sauron was victorious. He'd burned Ost-in-Edhil to the ground, her Kinsman Celebrimbor was being tortured for information regarding the rings, and there was no news of Celeborn.
At this point I have two different ideas about what might have happened:
Possibility one:
This is based on what I know of her family's actions during the first age.
When she heard of the slaughter and captivity of her kinsman and that Sauron had destroyed Eregion, the lady set off filled with the fury and pride of her kin. She meant to challenge Sauron to a one-on-one duel to the death, as her uncle Fingolfin did with Morgoth. However, when she was traveling through Khazad Dum, for it was the quickest way to Sauron, her friend King Durin locked her in the dungeons to prevent her doing suicidal duel.
I imagine that's the sort of thing a dwarven King would do.
Also, perhaps he wished to add Lady Galadriel to his hoard?
A dwarven scholar once told me that Khazad Dum had a special jail cell lined with mythril. Would it have held her? When I get that interview, I'll ask if she would be held by a mythril-lined cell.
Of course, the other plausible option is more sensible and less exciting:
When Eregion fell, it seems to me, as unlearned in grand tactics as I am, that the most strategically sensible thing to do would have be to hold Lothlorein until help came from the west. I know she is considered a decent enough scryer, so it's likely that she was aware that Numenor was preparing a fleet.
Did she have a conflict of pride versus wisdom? I shall make sure to ask.
I think the likelihood of my 'suicidal charge' theory depends on the extent to which she considered Eregion a 'work of her heart'. Whilst all elven kindreds are prone to bouts of extreme grief when their masterpieces of craft are threatened, the Noldor are, I believe, particularly prone to this. The prime example is Feanor Finwelion, who was the lady's uncle (I think?).
Unfortunately, there are differing accounts of whether Eregion could be considered a 'heart's work' for Lady Galadriel.
In the epic ballad the Noldolante, composed by her cousin Maglor, it states that she was very keen to rule a land of her own, and certainly, the Noldo princess described therein would have found her deep desire satisfied by the rule of Eregion. However, this is hard to square with the fact that Lady Galadriel left Eregion and moved to Lothlorien several hundred years before Eregion's fall.
There are, of course, conflicting accounts of her reasons for departing Eregion:
In one account, because was distrustful of the creature known as Annatar (Sauron in disguise), he sturred up a mob against Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. In this version, she is deposed and moves to Lothlorien as a guest of king Amdir. However, if this version is accurate, she would have had to start enhancing the wards of Lothlorian almost immediately upon her arrival, which suggests either exceptional fortitude or a lack of grief.
In another version, she senses some sort of growing evil in middle earth. She leaves her ally Celebrimbor in charge of Eregion to watch Annatar and she goes off to strengthen other lands against the rising evil. It is true that in the second age, Sauron's servants tried to cause the native elves of Lothlorien and Greenwood to hate and fear the dwarves, thus laying the ground for strife between these kindreds. Lady Galadriel at this time was friendly with both the dwarves and the eastern elves. It is said in some sources that she based herself in Lothlorien because she'd taken it as her mission to hold peace between the eastern elves and the dwarves. I guess you can say she succeeded because we never went to war. I'm not surprised. She's very angelic looking, which makes whatever she says seem right.
I have asked many older Lothloriens which is true, and they all say that she was going in and out on visits throughout the second age doing all sorts of things, so it could have been either.
There are also many differing accounts of her relationship with Celebrimbor. Some sources say they both distrusted Annatar. In this version, they were of like mind, but even though they both distrusted Annatar, they could not remove him because, under the laws of Eregion which they had both helped construct, a stranger could not be thrown our for merely being disliked, and also the smiths' guild wouldn't have it.
Other sources say that Lady Galadriel and Lord Celebrimbor fought over the lordship of Eregion. Possibly with Annatar stirring up quarrels between them.
A different source says that Celebrimbor was in love with Galadriel, but I suspect this is an erroneous back translation from something less scandalous like 'held great love for...'.
There is also another, rather blasphemous theory, whispered behind closed doors. Whilst I wince to mention it, a scholar must be thorough. In this extremely improbable tale, Lady Galadriel had some sort of love affair with the being known as Annatar. Then she went back to Celeborn and stayed far away from Annatar, leaving the lordship of Eregion with Celebrimbor in order to save her marriage and/or pride. In this version, the identity of the original sire of Galadriel's daughter Lady Celebrian is in question, but I'm (relatively) certain that Celebrian was actually born long before this.
Your cousin, Rumil of Lothlorien.
P.S. The lady just told me that she 'may or may not' have inserted forged or fictional accounts of her own history into the archive 'to keep scholars on their toes' [or possibly to confuse people trying to create a historical profile of her tactics and psychology?].
How am I ever going to find out what's true!?!?"
............
It seems that Rumil doesn't wait for a reply, but instead sends another letter to his cousin:
"Dear Beldur
Glorfindel came to visit! He's got such a warrior's bearing. I asked him why, as far as I know, Lord Celeborn takes the field and Lady Galadriel doesn't.
He laughed and said "isn't it obvious?"
I replied that it wasn't.
He waggled his eyebrows and said "She's a princess."
I gave him one of my best scowls.
He rolled his eyes good naturally at me and said "What do princesses like?"
I told him I didn't know.
"What would a princess from Aman never ever be without if she could help it?" He asked still wiggling his eyebrow. The gesture made me a little worried the answer would be obscene, but I decided not to entertain such thoughts.
"Her hand maidens?" I asked.
He snorted and told me it was a terrible guess.
I told him "I'm not going to make any reference to under-garments if that's what you're implying."
He snorted with laughter. "A horse!" he said, as if that explained everything.
I kept looking bewildered and he added "She's a cavalry officer."
He clapped me on the back and said "Celeborn is from Doriath. He was practically born leading woodland archers. That's what Lothlorian has, yes? When your forces are away from home, one of the power couple needs to stay behind to defend Lothlorian from sneaky orcs, balrogs, and whatever might slither into the Golden Wood if they see it's forces depleted. It makes sense to send Celeborn."
He looked thoughtful "Although, they did both take the field during the last alliance of elves and men at the end of the second age. Battle of Dagorlad. We threw everything we had at the enemy in one great push. This was after Sauron sank Numenor and had retaken his form in Mordor wielding that thrice cursed ring."
"Galadriel's power" he continued "is very much suited to defense. With her securing the rear, a lot of soldiers were freed up to reinforce the flanks. One woman rear guard!...of course, that phrase is extremely dirty if you translate it into a lot of mannish languages. We offered her the title of 'rear general', but" he chuckled "that's worse. Especially in Numenorian dialects."
I fixed him with a grim stare incase he was being intentionally filthy. He ignored me and continued "If we didn't make provisions against it, we'd have orcs from the Misty Mountains harrying our rear and plundering our baggage train the whole time.
Seriously, do you know how many soldiers it would have taken to secure a rear as big as ours?" He chuckled at his own joke. "But we had ourselves the best forest witch in middle earth." I would have scowled at him again but it was clear he meant it as a complement.
"So, Galadriel is between our rear and the misty mountains. She weaves a fog across our backs that confuses everything coming at us. Has them wandering in circles until they can be dealt with. I doubt she likes being left at the rear, but being sensible is something you have to do when you get older and you also have a kingdom."
He looked thoughtful and continued "You know, when we first set foot on middle earth, the sun had just risen for the very first time and all evil retreated beneath ground from it. Our host passed the gates of Angband and she and I were amongst the ones who walked right up and smote a tune of defiance upon the walls. Mostly we just called Morgoth a shit head, but it was more poetic in Quenya. She shared my surprise that more of our host didn't want to come right up and hammer on the fortress. That was one hell of a day."
"So that's where she was during all the famous battles?" I asked. "Securing the rear?"
"That's just since the last battles of the second age. I have no idea what she was doing before that."
I met him again later and he said "You know, once you've finished with her, I expect you'll want to ask me the same thing everyone does."
"If this" I said "relates to undergarments, I don't have any interest..." but he waved me in to silence.
"Everyone comes to me and says 'Glorfindel, why don't you and some of your friends go into Moria and defeat the balrog?' The answer is that the balrog is a coward. When it first chased the dwarfs out, it hid in its tunnels and threatened to ambush us or throw us into the primordial dark under the mountain with the forgotten evil things. Now, it hides behind an army of thousands of goblins. If I could get the damn balrog to come out and face us, it'd be easier, but it won't. It's threat keeps us elves pinned down both sides of the misty mountains. If we move to much of our forces away from our bases, then that balrog and its goblin pets will burn our homes, then run back to their tunnels before we can catch them."
I asked him if it was true about the Noldor having problems with bloodlust and he said "A person is not defined by their bloodlust, only how they wield it."
That got me thinking. If Lady Galadriel has problems with going temporarily mad from blood lust, she'd probably try to avoid battle and meditate on things like why killing shouldn't be fun. I shall have to ask her if she practices that discipline.
Your cousin in Lothlorien, Rumil"
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Stay alert dear reader, for soon I shall have translated more of Rumil's replies. - A scholar of Bree.
As a bonus, here are some alleged orc chat-up lines:
The smell of your ashes would be sweet.
I would gladly help you die in battle.
You look like you could survive a famine.
I bet it would take a lot of torture to break you.
You look like you could crawl to safety if I stabbed you.
If you were designated as my rations I would eat you feet first.
If you were a warg you'd be at least a beta.
I wouldn't stab you in the face.
Removing your ears or nose would not make you look better.
I can tell you're gender from both your shape AND your scent.
Your teeth could withstand much grinding.
Your blood would honour my blade.