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#1 - Sam
First heartbreak is the hardest, Blaine tells himself.
He uses his shoulder to push open his apartment door, places his messenger bag and three totes carefully on the table and shakes his arms out. The door swings closed behind him. He sighs into the quiet.
“Tina?” he calls.
The apartment remains silent. Blaine’s not sure if he’s glad Tina’s still out with Mike. It’s kind of lonely without her. But Tina knows Sam. Worse than that she’s been the one who always insisted that Sam was straight.
“Blainey-daze, you do have the second cutest butt in the whole of New York City,” she’d said after he admitted his plans for tonight, “but I think you’ll need more than that to bring this boy up to scratch. He totally checked out my boobs the other day.”
“In the colorblock sweater I gave you? It’s cashmere, T. Everyone was checking out your boobs in that. Anyway, he could be bi. Sam and I have been dating for three whole weeks,” Blaine had insisted. “We even kissed once.” The memory made his heart stutter. He’d paused. “Only second cutest?”
Tina had eyed his butt in his tight mustard pants. She’d relented. “Okay, okay. Cutest. But please don’t tell Mike I said so.”
Blaine had smiled, warmed by her appraisal. “Thanks Tay Tay.”
“I’m right about Sam,” she’d said, not to be put off, even by him.
Blaine had felt effortlessly confident. “Sam makes me feel good about myself. I just know he’s the right guy for me.”
In the end, though, Tina had been right.
At Sam’s place, Sam had shifted around on his feet uncomfortably, then asked Blaine to sit. Blaine had perched on the ugly but super comfortable couch and looked up. Sam was so handsome. They had so much in common. He’d felt hopeful.
“Blaine, dude. I think-” Sam had paused, then blurted it out. “Blaine, I’m sorry. You’re really great and really good looking. But I’m straight.”
Oh. Oh. Blaine had held it together long enough to be the supportive best friend he’d dreamed of having. The supportive best friend he’d found in Sam. Then he’d blindly headed home.
He sniffs as he pulls his text books out of his messenger bag. He doesn’t look in the totes. Some things just hurt too much. Blaine’s keenly aware of what’s in them: twenty-seven full length Star Wars novels for reading aloud if Sam has trouble sleeping, a print-out of the Star Wars chronology so they can determine where each novel fits in the Star Wars universe, Tupperware containers filled with home-made theater-style popcorn and cookies, and a discreet bag holding a toothbrush, deodorant and a clean pair of briefs. Blaine blushes to think about it. His heart squeezes tight. He’d had such high hopes for tonight.
He sniffs again and wipes at the tear that drips down his cheek. Music, he thinks. Music’s the one constant in his life. That’s what he needs.He skips the playlist he’d put together for tonight and chooses a song.
He doesn’t feel better, though. Not even after the fourth time he presses repeat on Against All Odds. He turns the volume up higher and sings along.
You’re the only one who really knew me at all… So take a look at me now. Oh there’s just an empty space.
There’s a knock at the door. Blaine blinks. There’s another knock, this one a little impatient. Blaine wipes his eyes and goes to see who it is. He tries to quash the part of him that’s hoping it’s Sam.
“Hi,” says the guy standing there. He’s not Sam. His hair is swept high over his delicate face. “I’m sorry. I honestly don’t want to intrude but I couldn’t help overhearing.” His gaze flickers over Blaine’s face. “We haven’t met,” he says. “I’m Kurt Hummel. I live across the hall.”
Blaine holds out his hand automatically and Kurt shakes it.
“Blaine Anderson,” Blaine says. “It’s nice to meet you.” Kurt’s mouth twists a little at that. He’s amused. Blaine pouts on the inside. He doesn’t feel funny today.
“The thing is,” Kurt says apologetically. “It looks like you’ve had a terrible time but if my roommate, Rachel, doesn’t get some sleep I’m going to have an awful day tomorrow, maybe an awful year. She has an audition. So. I was wondering if maybe you’d mind turning it down a little.”
“I’m so sorry,” says Blaine immediately. This day is only getting worse. Now he’s not just heartbroken but also inconsiderate of his neighbors. He steps across and turns the music down. “I’m really sorry,” he says again.
Kurt smiles, at him. It’s a sweet smile, he’s not laughing, and Blaine feels warmed. “Can I um- can I help at all?” he asks.
“Thank you,” says Blaine. “But no. No, I think I need to get over this alone.”
“Heartbreak?” asks Kurt sympathetically, his head to one side.
“First heartbreak,” says Blaine.
Kurt shudders. “Oh,” he says. “Ugh.”
“Turns out he’s straight,” says Blaine.
Kurt looks away but Blaine doesn’t miss the fleeting hurt on his lovely face. “We’ve all been there,” Kurt says. He pauses and looks back at Blaine, sharply. “Was he awful about it? The guy?”
“Oh no,” Blaine rushes to reassure him. “No, Sam is one of the good ones.” He sighs.
“Okay, well good,” says Kurt. “I’m glad to hear it. I’ll leave you to it then. But- if you need company, my roommates and I are right across the hall.”
“Thank you,” says Blaine. Kurt is very kind. And handsome. “And I really am sorry about the music.”
“It’s fine,” says Kurt. “I completely understand. Sometimes music is the only constant in the world.” He stops in the doorway. He’s lit from the hall and his clothes fit perfectly. “You have an incredible voice, Blaine. And you’re um- I can’t help but notice that you’re gorgeous. Any guy would be lucky to have you.” He flushes brightly. “I just thought you should know that, given the day you’ve had.”
Blaine feels an unexpected lightness. “Thank you,” he says.
As the door closes behind Kurt, Blaine wipes his eyes once more. He’s still heartbroken. That kind of thing doesn’t just go away. But there’s a buzz under his skin and a glimmer of hope caught up amongst it.
**
#2 – Adam
It’s possible, Kurt tells himself, that his imagination somehow turned Adam into something he never was.
Of course, Adam was handsome, and older than Kurt. He was easy and silly and comfortable with himself. And it was just so reassuring to have someone who looked at Kurt like Adam did, who complimented him without taking it back, a guy who flirted as though Kurt Hummel was someone worth flirting with.
Rachel and Mercedes weren’t convinced. The three roommates were lined up on the couch watching a repeat of Ru Paul’s Drag Race.
“He’s not really serious about his art,” Rachel had said in an ad break. She’d leaned against the arm of the couch with her knees pulled up and fixed Kurt with an unwavering Rachel Berry glare. “I want more for you, Kurt. You’re one of the three most talented people I know.” She’d gestured to herself and Mercedes unnecessarily. “And you have ambition. Adam’s very nice, and his accent is charming, but is he genuinely someone you intend to share your Tony Awards red carpet moment with?”
When he didn’t reply straight away she’d nodded, satisfied. “See?”
Kurt had been stung. It wasn’t like every boy Rachel had deigned to date had been her ideal red carpet material. “Adam has ambitions,” he’d said, though he wasn’t precisely certain what they were. “But he’s more than that. He wants to create community. He wants to enjoy himself while he works on something entertaining.”
“And that’s fine,” Rachel had said. “He’s a hipster with hipster bracelets and a fun dream. But it’s not you. He wears beanies, Kurt. And he’s never once been to the Fashion Institute or attended one of the charity events at New York Fashion Week with you. Worse, he doesn’t even like Sondheim.” She’d sat back, like the argument had been won.
“That is so narcissistic. But unlike you, I don’t need to be identical to someone to fall in love with them.” He’d known immediately that he’d gone a step too far. Tears had sprung quickly to Rachel’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Rach,” he’d said. He’d reached out to take her hand.
She’d flicked her hair back, dismissing the apology and pressing her advantage. “But you’re not in love with him, are you Kurt?” she’d said. He’d been silenced.
After a moment, Mercedes had spoken up. “It’s not a problem, honey,” she’d said calmly. “You’re 21, there’s plenty of time. This doesn’t need to be your perfect romance. You don’t need to be marrying your soulmate just yet.”
“Exactly,” he’d said. Though he hadn’t been sure why he was so quick to agree with that.
“But,” she’d added gently. “You also don’t need to date someone just because they like you.”
Kurt had kept that in mind all the way through Snatch Game, right up until RuPaul told that week’s drag cast-off to sashay away.
It wasn’t Kurt who broke up with Adam, though.
“I’ve loved getting to know you, Kurt. You’re extraordinary, truly you are. I just don’t think we’re looking for the same things,” Adam had said that evening in his tiny Greenpoint apartment.
Kurt’s heart had clenched. He’d felt a stone sink in his belly. He’d looked away, out through the big warehouse window panes, and schooled his expression. However much he was or wasn’t in love with Adam, being dumped had still been a punch to the chest. “You’re breaking up with me,” he’d said as coolly as he could manage. He hadn’t been able to stop the waver in his voice.
“I want to stay friends, though. You’re welcome to stay in the Apples,” Adam had said. Kurt had shaken his head swiftly. And then Adam had looked into Kurt’s eyes. “Kurt, love. I’m sorry. I truly am. But I’m fairly sure you want to break up as much as I do. More. I’ve felt it coming all week and frankly, I couldn’t stand to wait any longer. It was going to hurt too much.”
Kurt had bristled at that. Not the least because it was probably true. “I don’t need you to make my decisions for me,” he’d said.
Adam had shrugged. He’d run his fingers through his beanie-less hair. It looked sort of unwashed and Kurt had longed to fix it. But it wasn’t his job to fix Adam. It never really had been. “I didn’t make the decision for you, Kurt, I made it for me,” Adam had said.
Kurt had headed home to the apartment, making sure not to cry on the subway. He wasn’t going to show that kind of weakness.
The girls aren’t here. Mercedes is recording at the studio most nights now, and Rachel is in a late meeting with her agent. Kurt sends text messages to both of them. “Adam broke up with me. I’m fine. Really.” At the end of Rachel’s he types, “And no, I don’t want you to tell me he wasn’t good enough for me.” He doesn’t bother to say the same to Mercedes. She has more sense than that.
He looks around the room with its mismatched but carefully selected artwork and furniture. He turns the tv on, then off again, leafs through a copy of Vogue, thinks about whether the Turkish rug he saw on East 32nd will work in here. He picks up his pincushion and straps it to his wrist, but neither of his current sewing projects appeals to him.
There’s a knock at the door.
When Kurt opens it, Blaine is there with a grocery bag and a slightly cautious expression in his dark-lashed eyes.
“Rachel text me. I thought you could use some ice cream.” He lifts the grocery bag. “I don’t need to stay,” he adds. “I completely understand if you want some time alone.”
“Come in.” Kurt swings the door wide. He’s more grateful than he’d like to admit. He unpacks the groceries. “Strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Be still my heart,” he says.
Blaine beams. There’s so much sunshine in him. “I had to go to three different bodegas to find it,” he says. He blushes. Kurt takes note of that, files it tidily away for later.
“You’re not out with Eli tonight?” Kurt asks as he grabs two bowls.
Blaine’s recently started dating a guy he met online. Kurt met Eli when they all went to Pete’s Candy Store for trivia night: Rachel and Mercedes and Sam and Tina and Kurt and Adam and Blaine and Eli. They called themselves “All that glitters” and nailed the entertainment rounds. Eli seems like a nice guy, he’s undoubtedly good looking, nearly as good looking as Blaine is, and he likes Blaine, so he has good taste. There’s nothing wrong with him. But Kurt doesn’t approve. He can’t quite put a finger on why.
“Oh,” Blaine says. “Yeah. I was out but then I got Rachel’s text. It’s cool. I wanted to head home anyway.”
“Blaine Anderson,” says Kurt as he scoops ice cream into the bowls. He glances up at Blaine, taking in his shoulders and lovely jawline. “Please don’t tell me you left a date for me.”
“No,” says Blaine. “It wasn’t like that, I promise. Eli was heading back uptown anyway.”
Kurt waves Blaine into the couch and sits at the opposite end. He takes a mouthful of ice cream. There’s a sliver of disappointment caught up in his relief. “Well, I’m glad,” he says after swallowing. “I can’t be held responsible for your boyfriend’s heartache as well as my own. This ice cream is incredible.”
They sit in companionable silence.
“I was sorry about things ending with Adam,” Blaine says at length. “He seemed like a nice guy.” Kurt’s been dating Adam since before he met Blaine. “I was surprised too,” Blaine adds.
“Oh?”
Blaine looks like he regrets saying anything. “He broke up with you. But the way he looked at you, I wouldn’t have thought he’d ever let you go. It surprised me.”
Kurt sighs. “Me too. But it’s nothing a few Adele songs or some Dusty Springfield won’t fix.”
“I sing a pretty mean Cry Me A River,” Blaine offers. Kurt can imagine.
“That’d work.” Kurt meets his eyes. “I’m fine, Blaine. Sad, of course. But it’s not like Adam and I were meant to be. We’re not soulmates or anything.”
Blaine stumbles over the words. “Yeah, no. No it’s not like that.” There’s not a lot of air in the room.
“It was nice to have someone who liked me that way,” Kurt says. “And he was good to me.”
Blaine looks at Kurt for a long time. “You’re going to have that again, Kurt. And more than that. Someone to love you. Someone you’ll love back. Everything.”
Kurt can’t keep looking into those bright, earnest eyes. He smiles into his bowl instead. “And until then I have Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream. And friends.”
**
#3 - Eli
It’s just getting dark in the apartment. Blaine switches on the lamp. He’s sitting at the desk he and Tina dragged up from the street a month ago.
He should be studying, but mostly he’s singing All By Myself in his head and tapping a rhythm on the music theory text. The desk has spindly legs and wobbles with each downbeat.
Hard to be sure,
sometimes I feel so insecure
and love, so distant and obscure,
remains the cure.
It’s quiet in the building. No one knows he’s home. Still, he’s not surprised when there’s a knock at the door. He swings it open to Kurt, who’s standing in the hall and looking at him with careful eyes.
“You didn’t tell me,” Kurt says gently.
His face is soft enough that Blaine is sure he knows the whole story.
“I was embarrassed,” Blaine admits, scrunching his face up to look at Kurt. He told Sam and Tina, of course, but it feels worse to have Kurt know. He doesn’t want to examine the reasons for that too closely yet.
Kurt turns his clear gaze on Blaine. “Blaine. There’s no reason to be. None at all. He’s the one who’s an asshole. And not in the good way.”
Blaine manages a tiny smile. “Thanks for coming, Kurt. Wine?” he asks and lets Kurt in.
Kurt nods and sits on the couch. He crosses his long legs as Blaine pours two glasses of white.
“Did Tina call you?” Blaine asks, sitting next to him. Tina’s with her study group. They've got something due later in the week so she had to be there.
“She did. And Sam called me too,” Kurt says. “He was working at the bar, otherwise he’d have been here with you.”
Blaine nods and blinks at unexpected tears. There’s something huge and humbling about having these three so firmly on his side.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kurt asks. He’s always so sweet.
Blaine says, “I don’t know.” He sighs. “I wasn’t even worried or anything. I had no idea. His phone was on the table and there were a bunch of messages from someone called Chandler. I figured he or she was a friend. I wasn’t thinking that- But as soon as I asked, I knew. It’s fine. Really. I didn’t know Eli that well, I guess. He’s just a nice guy who told me I was sexy.”
“He’s right about that. But he’s not that nice,” says Kurt.
He mostly looks sympathetic. Blaine appreciates that but it also makes him angry, with Eli but also, unfairly, with Kurt. He doesn’t want sympathy. “It’s fine, really. Leave it. I’m mostly just embarrassed.”
Kurt frowns.
“I get that,” says Kurt at length. “And I’m so sorry he did that to you. If it helps, I watched him a bit and I think he was really into you. You mattered to him.”
“If I mattered so much, why did he cheat on me?” Blaine asks. There are tears at the back of his throat but it does help to hear he wasn’t just some kind of joke to Eli.
“Obviously he’s an imbecile,” Kurt says. “No one in their right minds would cheat on you.” His eyes twinkle as they meet Blaine’s then flit away. He leans back on the couch. “And what’s with the lighthouse obsession? All that phallic symbolism. The guy must be compensating for something.”
Blaine giggles, a little wetly.
“He’s not worth our time,” Kurt says.
They sit quietly for a minute. Outside New York City drones and buzzes. A siren sounds nearby. Blaine studies Kurt’s lovely face in the half-light. It feels like a hundred things come together and there in the center, is Kurt. Blaine can’t drag his eyes away from Kurt’s lips. He leans in and places his hand over Kurt’s on Kurt’s thigh.
But Kurt backs away. “Oh,” he says. “Whoa.”
Shame and disappointment thud in Blaine’s belly. “God,” he says. “God, Kurt. I’m so sorry. I thought- I’m sorry.”
“No, no, no,” says Kurt. “You don’t need to apologize. Honestly. Not at all. Just. I don’t think-”
“Of course not, no.” Blaine is horrified with himself. He stands up.
“Not like this,” says Kurt, standing too. “Blaine. You only just broke up with someone and I- look, let’s talk about this.”
Blaine can’t look at Kurt. He’s made a complete and total fool of himself. He presses his lips together. “Not now,” he manages. “Sorry. It hasn’t been a great day for me and I need some time to recalibrate.”
“Okay,” says Kurt. “Of course. Whatever you need.” He hesitates. “Soon though?”
“Okay,” says Blaine. “Soon.” He hopes a piano falls on him instead.
After Kurt leaves, Blaine's phone buzzes with a text. The possibility that it’s Kurt stops his heart.
It’s Eli.
I am so sorry, baby. You’re the one for me. Please take me back.
Blaine looks at it for a long moment. It’s not that he couldn’t forgive Eli his mistake. He could probably even trust the guy again. It’s just that it turns out Blaine doesn’t care enough about him.
An hour later a key turns in the lock and Tina bangs through the door. Blaine’s sitting on the couch. “Blainey!” Tina says. “I’m home. Are you okay?”
Blaine shakes himself. He blinks. “I’m fine,” he says.
“You don’t look fine,” she tells him. She stands in front of him and looks down. “Blaine. That boy’s not worth it.” For a second Blaine thinks she means Kurt, thinks everyone knows. His heart stutters. “I never liked him,” Tina goes on.
“Oh. Eli,” Blaine says.
“Yes. Eli,” she looks at him closely then half laughs, bracingly. “What, did you break your heart over someone else while I was gone? You’re a popular guy, and handsome too, but even you couldn’t manage that,” she says.
Blaine blushes. He’s glad the room’s not well lit.
“Anyway,” Tina says. “Study group’s over so I’m here for you now. Had you forgotten karaoke night?“
Blaine had. "Oh,” he says.
She smiles. "I know you, Blaine Anderson. What better to cheer you up than a chance to perform all the most ridiculous songs we can think of. Stuff we did in our Warbler days.”
Blaine forces himself to smile. “I’m not sure I’m up for it,” he says.
“But Blainey,” she says. “Everyone’s coming. Rachel, Mercedes, Mike, Artie, Santana and Brittany, Unique. Sam too, after he finishes his shift.”
“Not Kurt?” Blaine asks.
She heads for her room and calls over her shoulder. “No, he’s out with Elliot, from his band, you know? Rachel’s excited. She tells me it’s a date.”
Blaine closes his eyes. He curls his fists and feels his fingernails against his palm. He has no reason to be angry with Kurt. Kurt’s allowed to date anyone he wants. And Blaine’s seen Elliot sing. The guy is amazing.
Tina comes out, pulling a dress over her head and lifting her hair to fall free. “Will you zip this for me?” she asks, turning around for him.
Blaine stands up and does so. It’s a good dress.
“Are you ready to go?” Tina asks. “I promise it’ll make you feel better.” She continues off his lack of response. “I’ll even sing It’s not right but it’s okay with you. Or something romantic. Come What May.”
Blaine nods, mostly for his own benefit. He loves singing with Tina. And he’s made it through heartbreak before. He can do it again.
“Okay,” he says. “I just need to change.”
“Yay!” Tina claps and beams at him. “Hurry! I want to get our names down before Rachel Berry takes over the list.”
In his room Blaine wipes away fresh tears. He pulls out his new striped polo and some tight red pants. He’ll go, he’ll have a beer and he’ll sing until his heart doesn’t hurt any more.
**
#4 Elliot
Kurt’s back home before anyone else is. The apartment is silent. He leans against the brickwork framing the window and looks out over the lights and roofs of Bushwick, considering.
He and Elliot had eaten at a local wine bar. They’d perched side by side at the central counter in a long corridor of a room, lit by exposed lightbulbs. The place was filled with hipsters. Kurt had admired one woman’s skinny old style ski pants. They’d look great on Blaine, though he might pair it with something other than her gingham shirt.
“You’re distracted,” Elliot had said as the food arrived.
“Oh.” Kurt had said. He’d looked down at the food on his plate. He hadn’t meant to ask, but still the words had tumbled out too quickly to stop them. “Were you, um. Were you thinking of this as a date?” He’d met Elliot’s kohl-rimmed eyes.
Elliot had twisted his lips expressively. After a long pause he’d said, “No.”
“Oh. Okay.” Kurt had been both surprised and relieved - probably not how he should feel when the person he’d thought he was on a date with had let him know that it wasn’t one. It didn’t even hurt his pride.
Elliot had continued, “You can hardly expect me to call this a date, Kurt, when I’m pretty sure your heart is full of someone else.” His eyes had been clear on Kurt’s as he’d tilted his head. “Blaine, mmm?”
The air had gone out of Kurt. He had just seen Blaine that evening, but it still felt like he’d been waiting to hear his name forever.
“Right.”His heart had thudded. “Right,” he’d said again.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice? You talked about him all through this week’s rehearsal. And all the way here. Don’t mess me around, Kurt.” Elliot had narrowed his eyes, but there was humor there and fondness. Kurt felt lucky to have him.
“You’re very good to me,” Kurt had said. “Thank you.”
“Making up for years of misdeeds,’ Elliot had said, with a crooked smile.
He’d looked good, in his gold and black and eyeliner, attractive and relaxed with it. For a second Kurt had tried to think about him like that, like someone he was on a date with, like someone with potential for something different. But there wasn’t room in his head for much beyond Blaine’s bright handsome face, his voice and his warmth, the way he thought, the way his eyes lit on Kurt’s, the way he moved as though he perfectly knew his body.
Kurt had reeled himself back to the man in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he’d said.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. We’re cool. It’s not a rule that you have to be into me.” Elliot grinned. ”So, anyway. There was a girl who came to the show last week…”
Kurt had tried to think. “Umm. Santana? Tina? Unique? Kitty?”
“Unique.”
“She’s definitely worth knowing,” Kurt had said. “You have to hear her sing.” He’d thought about the two of them together, with their divergent kinds of showmanship and equally extraordinary talents. He’d smiled to himself.
“Tell me about your misdeeds,” Kurt had said later. “If we’re not on a date, there’s nothing to hide.” They’d talked about Elliot’s history, Kurt’s history, they’d thought through some band stuff as they’d finished dinner. When they’d parted ways, Kurt had kissed Elliot’s cheek.
Elliot had sighed, half amused. “You’re sweet,” he’d said. “Pity. But there’s something special with you and that boy, Kurt. That’s gotta be worth chasing.” He’d taken a breath. “I’ll see you at rehearsal on Wednesday.”
He’d donned his hat and Kurt had watched him stride away down the Brooklyn street, his coat billowing dramatically behind him. After a moment Kurt had headed for the subway and home.
There’s a thud from the hallway and then laughter. The apartment door swings open to Mercedes. All the others pile through the door. It’s loud and ridiculous, so many of Kurt’s favorite people, all at once in his quiet living room.
Kurt’s eyes are instantly drawn to Blaine. He looks happy, leaning into Sam and smiling. He’s explaining something and waving his hands. As they walk in, he pauses though, and looks around the room quickly, catching Kurt’s eye then looking away.
“Is Elliot here?” Mercedes asks Kurt on her way by.
“No, nope, we just grabbed dinner and I came home.”
She stops and studies his face for a second then nods. “Okay.”
Tina yells from across the room, “How was your date, Hummel?”
“Good,” Kurt says and feels Blaine’s eyes on him. He swallows. “But it wasn’t a date. Elliot’s a friend.” He can’t keep from glancing at Blaine as he says it. He can’t read Blaine’s expression.
“Awww,” Tina makes a sad face at him. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” says Kurt. “Honestly. I’m happy.”
“You should have seen us tonight, Kurt,” says Rachel, grabbing his arm and dragging him into the kitchen while she pulls out wine glasses and tumblers for everyone. “Have you heard Blaine sing? I’m pretty sure I’ve found my perfect duet partner.”
“Yes, he’s wonderful,” says Kurt.
“He sang Hopelessly Devoted to You,” she continues, her eyes sparkling happily. “He was so believable. I cried.”
Kurt smiles at her. Rachel loves surrounding herself with talented people. Especially ones whose talents are different from her own so there’s no competition.
He hands around glasses, coasters, a pitcher of water, a bottle of wine.
Blaine sits on the couch between Mercedes and Tina. Kurt wants to ask Blaine how he’s doing. But he’s not sure what Blaine would say, surrounded by all these people. Sam’s put himself on the arm of the couch at Mercedes’ side, hanging off every word she says.
For the next hour Kurt sits back in his dad’s chair. He watches Blaine laugh and talk with their friends. Over and over, Blaine’s eyes flick to his. Kurt’s stomach twists.He feels steady and terrified at once. He loves so many of the people in this room, he’s home here. But the way he feels about Blaine is different - sharper and more complicated, full of desire.
Slowly everyone says goodbye. Blaine and Tina make their way across the hall. Kurt hugs Blaine as he leaves. He bends his head and breathes in the warm skin where Blaine’s shoulder meets his neck. Blaine shivers responsively.
“Are you around tomorrow?” Kurt asks, drawing back and taking hold of Blaine’s hand.
Blaine’s soft eyes widen. He looks down at their joined hands. Kurt feels exposed but he keeps his eyes on Blaine’s.
“I think so,” Blaine answers, then nods to himself as though he’s being brave. “Yes. Yes, I will.”
When he leaves, Kurt wants to go after him, wants to hold fast to this boy who’s taken residence in his mind. The door bumps closed.
Even early in the morning, the bodega on the corner sells flowers. Kurt’s bought two coffees from their favorite coffee place, and two bouquets in red and yellow. He rearranges the flowers in the kitchen, snipping the ends and tying them together with ribbon. His hands shake and he glares at them. He refuses to be nervous.
He looks in the mirror, checks his hair. It’s fine. He takes a deep breath. Just as he reaches the door, there’s a knock. Without thinking, Kurt opens it. It’s Blaine.
“Hi,” Blaine says. He’s stunning, short sleeves wrapped around his arms, his body compact, his eyes heart-stoppingly beautiful.
“Hi,” Kurt manages.
Blaine looks at the flowers that are clutched in Kurt’s hand. “I didn’t know if you were coming over or if I was coming here and-” He takes a quick breath and lifts his eyes to Kurt’s face. “I just didn’t want to wait any more.”
Kurt has no idea what to say. “Come in,” he says. “The girls are still asleep. Can I get you something? I got you a coffee.”
“Thank you,” Blaine says sweetly. “That sounds wonderful.” Kurt rests the flowers on the kitchen bench and gestures to the couch. Blaine sits at its edge. He sips his coffee, looking so perfectly and precisely himself that Kurt can’t even feel nervous anymore.
“Last night,” Kurt says. “I went on a date with Elliot.”
“Oh,” says Blaine and the hollowness in his voice makes Kurt rush to fix everything.
“No. Not- I did have a date, with Elliot. You were still with Eli when we arranged it and- I couldn’t just call him. I had to go.” The words are coming out all wrong.
“Oh,” says Blaine again, this time more hopefully.
“But truth is, I knew before I even got there that it wasn’t what I wanted. I told him- well actually, he told me before I could say much. But it was true.” Kurt stops.
Blaine looks at him, his head tipped slightly. He puts down his coffee. “I’m sorry, Kurt. This is all very- What was true?”
Kurt swallows, hard. “That you’re the one in my heart.”
The moment stretches. When Blaine smiles it could light the whole world. Kurt can’t help but smile back. He reaches for Blaine’s hands and his heart thrills when Blaine doesn’t move away.
They breathe together. Then Blaine says, “It wasn’t like anything had changed, not really, but there was this moment.” His eyes are bright on Kurt’s. “You were right there in front of me and I could suddenly see you.”
“I’m so sorry,” Kurt says, “about yesterday. I was worried. I had that thing with Elliot and you’d just had your heart broken.”
“My heart wasn’t broken,” Blaine says. “Not by Eli. I’m not sure it ever even really hurt until you didn’t want me.”
Kurt’s heart throbs. He squeezes Blaine’s fingers. “Maybe a little, with Sam,” he says.
Blaine blushes and smiles at once. “Maybe a little,” he admits.
“I’m so sorry, Blaine. I should have kissed you then.” Kurt looks at Blaine’s lips, then away.
Blaine is all earnestness as he says, “Do you want to kiss me now?”
Kurt laughs. “I promise you, my whole life, I have never wanted anything more.”
**
#5 - Kurt
Blaine steps inside his apartment and lets the door swing shut. He leans against it. From across the hall, Kurt’s door closes with a heavy, devastating thud. Blaine’s eyes sting.
He’s had four breathtaking weeks - holding Kurt’s hand on the subway and all the way home, looking across a room full of friends and finding Kurt’s eyes already on him, having sleepy, morning sex before making pancakes, learning how to touch someone he’s realizing he already knew by heart.
It’s been more than Blaine ever dreamed.
But it turns out that short time is all Blaine gets. Kurt’s started to see through him. He knows how deeply imperfect Blaine is. He can look past the performance and the smile, to the ordinary boy underneath. Kurt knows Blaine has a belly, knows he sometimes snores, knows his eating habits are inconsistent. And maybe he also knows how terrified Blaine is that he’ll never be loved, underneath. Sometime - later tonight, tomorrow, next week, sometime Kurt’s going to end it, say, “I’m sorry, Blaine, I tried but this isn’t working.”
Blaine rubs at his eyes angrily. It’s not like Kurt is perfect either. He’ll happily tell Blaine what he thinks of Blaine’s clothes, but he hardly seems to notice when Blaine changes them for him. He turns up his nose at some of Blaine’s karaoke suggestions without really listening. He gets toothpaste on Blaine’s hand towel. The trouble is, however flawed Kurt is, he’s still Kurt. He’s still a hundred thousand times better than anyone else on the planet. There’s no one like him.
So, Blaine will just need to learn to live with perpetual heartbreak.
He sighs. He can’t regret very much here. Even if he’d known it would all be over so soon, even if he’d known how it would feel, he’d still have chosen this. Every time.
Unexpectedly, keys sound in the lock and the door moves, thuds into Blaine’s back. Blaine shifts quickly out of the way.
“Blaine!” Tina says, at least as surprised as he is. “What were you doing there?” She looks at him. “Oh no,” she says. “Oh Blainey. Whatever it is, I’ll kick their ass. Tell Tay Tay what’s wrong.” She holds out her arms and he goes gladly, burying his face in her pretty hair.
“Kurt’s breaking up with me,” he tells her when she’s sat them down on the couch with green tea. His voice is thick.
“Oh. God. I’m so sorry,” she says. She looks genuinely surprised. “I’d no idea. I mean, huh. He’s an idiot. That’s the only explanation.” She studies Blaine briefly. “So first, tell me how we’re dealing with this? Baked goods? Sad songs? Emergency mystery science theater viewing? I can call Sam right now.”
“I think I might be beyond any help,” Blaine says but it’s possible he’s already feeling a little better. He adds, quickly, “And Kurt’s not an idiot. It wasn’t anything like that.”
Tina narrows her eyes and looks at him searchingly. “What did he say?”
Blaine doesn’t really answer. He says, instead, letting it all rush from him, “I can’t even think about all the things we won’t get to do. I had plans. Not anything we’d talked about, but I’d imagined winter with him, trying out egg nog recipes and mulled wine. Or the two of us on a weekend away with soft cable-knit sweaters and a fireplace. I thought maybe we could go home at Thanksgiving or Christmas and meet each other’s parents and the friends we left in Ohio.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t need it to happen exactly the way I imagined but- there’s so much, this whole world of stuff. We haven’t even had sex on the couch or their kitchen-.”
“You don’t need to give me details,” says Tina. “Really. I get it. I understand.”
Blaine looks out of the window while she pats his thigh. He says, more thoughtfully, “When I’m at work, or at school, all I do is think of the things I want to tell him when I see him again.”
“You’re in love with him,” Tina says, almost reverently.
Blaine runs a hand over his face. “I know,” he says. His heart squeezes tight inside him. “I know. But that doesn’t mean anything if he’s not in love with me. Does it?”
“No.” She looks him straight in the eye, waiting. “No, it doesn’t.”
The room is quiet while Blaine thinks. Then he says, “I have to talk to him. I’m not giving this up, not without telling him how I feel. Then he can break up with me as much as he likes.” He nods firmly, then adds. “Though I really hope he doesn’t.”
“There you go,” Tina smiles at him, pats his leg for encouragement.
Before he goes, he looks in the mirror at the front door. He doesn’t add more gel. He doesn’t change his outfit. If Kurt doesn’t want him as he is, more than slightly imperfect, then this probably isn’t going to work out anyway.
“You look great,” Tina says sweetly. “Kurt would be a fool to give you up.”
“Thank you,” he answers. He’s lighter on his feet, buoyed by her compliment.
When Blaine opens the door to the hall, Kurt’s standing there, one hand raised to knock.
“Oh,” Blaine says. “Kurt.”
“Blaine! Hi,” says Kurt uncomfortably. “Can we-”
“I wanted to-”
They’re talking at once and they both stop and stare at one another, standing there in the open doorway.
“Hi Kurt,” Tina calls helpfuully from the living room.
Kurt looks startled and lovely. “Hi,” he replies.
“Maybe we should go somewhere,” Blaine says. “So we won’t be interrupted.” He hears a huff in the background from Tina but he has no eyes for anything but Kurt’s face.
“That’s a good idea.” Kurt smiles and Blaine’s heart lifts, just a fraction.
Their favorite coffee place is only half a block from a little local park. They sit side by side on the park bench, looking at the one tree and the play equipment and the warehouse behind them. It’s a crisp, fall evening. Steam rises from their cups.
Blaine steadies himself and says, “I need to tell you that I’m not ready to break up, Kurt. Not at all. Obviously it’s not only my decision and whatever happens you’re always going to be incredibly important to me but-”
Kurt’s eyes widen in surprise. “What made you think we were going to break up?” His voice is tight and hurt.
“I just-” Blaine looks at him. Kurt’s not crying but his eyes are gray and too bright in the fading light. “You said you needed time and I thought-.”
Kurt draws a shaky breath. Blaine reaches out with his free hand. Kurt’s long fingers wrap around his. Kurt says, “Right. To be clear, I have no plans to break up with you, Blaine. I- I’m sorry I got snippy with you and yes, I did need to take a moment alone. But not because I wanted to break up with you. Just because I’m sometimes better alone.” He meets Blaine’s eyes.
“You weren’t about to break up with me?” Blaine asks, feeling foolish.
“God, no. God. Not for a second.” Kurt looks sincere and relieved.
“Oh,” says Blaine. He’s still clasping Kurt’s hand in his. “Well that’s embarrassing.”
Kurt smiles at him with so much amused fondness that Blaine’s chest has no room for air. “Don’t be embarrassed,” Kurt says. “We’ll get better at this. I’ll get better. We have plenty of time.”
“Oh,” says Blaine happily. “We do.” A car goes past, blaring music. He moves closer to Kurt on the bench. His knee presses against Kurt’s. “Speaking of which I’ve been thinking we should go away, for a weekend. Just the two of us. My aunt and uncle have this holiday place and it would be perfect. We could look at the leaves changing color. There are views forever and this chef’s kitchen you’d die for and plenty of bedrooms for when you need some space.” He drops one hand to Kurt’s thigh and lets his thumb stroke the seam of Kurt’s jeans. He wants so much. “Plus we could have sex in every room.” He takes a sip of his coffee, feeling happy and pleased with himself.
Kurt laughs. “That sounds perfect.” His eyes are warm and clear on Blaine. “I love you,” he says.
Blaine swallows his coffee. “I love you, too,” he says.
This street is busy. It’s New York City, so it’s never quiet. But the moment expands around them like they’re the only people in the world.
“Anyway,” says Kurt. “We can’t break up. Who would bring me break-up ice cream? Who would disparage your ex for you?”
Blaine laughs. He leans in to kiss Kurt, cups Kurt’s dear face in his hands. “That sounds like a good reason to stay together forever,” he says.
**
END