Saying No to You

by Darkflamej

Summary:

Johnny gets the surprise of his life when Ghost gets a bit too drunk one night, and not in a good way. Has this man ever heard of a healthy relationship before? No, the answer is no he hasn’t.

Or

I’ve seen a lot of fics where Johnny gets drunk and confesses to Simon, and wanted to see it the other way around. But Simon gets a bit confused and Johnny teaches him a thing or two about consent and what healthy sex looks like.

Notes:

Alright, so this one gets a bit heavier in terms of topics than usual. Johnny finds out that Simon has not had the best sex life in the past. This fic deals a good bit with topics like consent and when/how it can be given, even if it doesn't go into depth/detail about what exactly happened with Simon. Please be cautious if you decide to read, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But don't worry by the end Johnny will set Simon straight because to me that man just has to be a Consent King. Anyway, on to the story...

Chapter 1: Saying No

Johnny noticed a lot of things about Simon. He noticed how the man never seem to eat beans. He noticed that he was very particular about the order that he kept his knives in. He also noticed that he never seemed to drink too much. The man was almost always their designated driver, only having a single bourbon. Every time they went to a bar he only had one drink.

Johnny noticed a lot about the man, which is why it was surprising that he didn’t see the signs earlier. Maybe he just thought that Ghost was having a rare time to let loose. They had all been ready to head out to the bar when Simon had stated, with no question in his voice, that he was not going to be driving everyone there or back tonight. They all nodded in agreement. It seemed only fair since he always drove them to and from the bars.

In fact, Johnny didn’t notice so much to the point that he was excited to drink with his LT. He was finally able to buy the man a drink more than one that he always let himself have.

This time, he drank multiple drinks with his LT. He supposed that he didn’t think the alcohol would affect the man all that much, especially with how big he was. Ghost seemed unaffected for most of the night, even as they were on their way home as Price was drove them back in the truck.

He started to get an inkling, that something was wrong, was when Ghost suggested that they all continue to drink in the rec room once they got back. It seemed a little suspicious, but at the time Johnny just brushed it off, figuring that the man wanted to keep the good times rolling.

At the time Ghost still seemed mostly unaffected by the alcohol. Then the night got later and later, he and Ghost shared a few more rounds. The team drank for a couple hours more and one by one they all started to peel off with various excuses. Soon enough, it was just Simon and Johnny sitting on the couch in the rec room.

Johnny had cut himself off close to an hour before. Sipping his water as the pleasant buzz faded and his head was slowly starting to clear. He would wager that in about 30 minutes he’d be fully sober again so he had a pretty good handle on his head. Which is why it startled him so much when he heard a sudden giggling from beside him.

His head hat snapped to the side as he looked at his companion. Ghost had not, in fact, stopped drinking with Johnny. Actually, now that he was thinking about it, the man had been drinking more since they got back. He analyzed the table in front of them, trying to think if the half empty bottle of bourbon had been full earlier or not.

Now that he was mostly sober, warning bells were starting to go off in his head. Something was reminding him that Ghost didn’t drink. He certainly didn’t drink this much. He studied the man closely and saw his glassy eyes, not quite focused on anything. His body was fully melted into the couch not a single bit of tension there his whole head tilted back on the couch.

He reached over, placing a gentle hand on the man’s thighs. The muscle jumped under his fingers, “You alright man?”

“God, I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Guess that was a goal, wasn’t it?”

“What was the goal, Simon?”

“Get fucking wasted, maybe have a couple hours away from the agony I don’t know something like that,” his words were slurred and his eyes unfocused.

Johnny sat up straighter, looking at him intently, “What do you mean? Are you hurt? Did something happen on the last mission? Simon, you know how Price gets when you start hiding injuries.”

Oh please for the love of his homeland let this stupid man be alright. Johnny tried to look for any injuries but wasn’t finding any. He thought that they had broken Ghost of his habit of hiding injuries a while back, but he knew that the man still sometimes slipped back into old ways.

“Nothing physical Johnny,” the man muttered, his eyes flickering around the room, never quite landing on anything. He had to be sloshed right now. Johnny was starting to worry. His LT certainly wasn’t in the right state of mind, he should have seen it earlier.

He didn’t know what had caused this but the man had taken care of him enough times when he was trashed that he wouldn’t even think about leaving him alone to have him sort it out on his own. Johnny’s hand rose to intercept the glass that was on the way to the man’s mouth.

“LT, I think it’s time for bed. Let’s put the drink away yeah?”

The man looked at him, the closest thing he had ever sent o the man pouting, “Just one more Johnny. Just enough so I can pass out tonight. Just wanna keep this feeling…”

“What feeling LT,” he asked, keeping the man’s attention on his face as he pulled the glass away anyway, setting it on the table in front of them.

“Feel like there are no consequences like this, or maybe I’m just not afraid of them like this. Know I’ll be kicking myself for the headache in the morning, but it feels so damn good right now.”

“Let’s get some water in you then so that you might not have as bad of a hangover in the morning yeah?”

Johnny stood before he got a response, taking the half full glass and bottle with him. He dumped the remnants of the glass down the sink and put the bottle away in the cabinet. He got a fresh glass of water for Ghost and made his way back.

He sunk back into the couch at his side, “Here drink this, LT.”

The man looked at it confused but then with an encouraging nod from Johnny he took the glass and drank it all quickly. Once he was done Johnny took the glass again and placed it on the table, promising himself that he would come clean up in the morning.

He stood and held out a hand for Simon to take, “Alright, time to get you to bed Simon, just take it slow.”

Simon looked up at him, his expression dazed. Johnny was almost knocked off his feet at the smile he got from Simon as the man took his hand. He had to put a bit of weight into leveraging the big man off the couch and then to support most of his body weight as the man leaned on him.

“Gonna take care of me Johnny,” the man practically purred in his ear and Johnny had to suppress a shiver. The man was drunk, he had no business thinking that tone had any ulterior motives.

He tried to keep his voice steady as he responded, “Yes LT, taking you back to your room alright? Need’ta make sure ye get back alright in this state. Can’t have you passed out in the hallway.”

The man nuzzled into his neck as Soap half led half carried the man to his room. Once they got to his door the man was utterly helpless with unlocking the door. He had to pat the man down to find his key. The man made a noise that sounded like approval as Johnny’s hands wandered his pockets to pull it out.

Warning bells were still going off in his mind, if anything they were louder now, and he knew that he needed to be careful with Simon. He didn’t want the man to be any worse for wear in the morning, especially when he didn’t do this often. He also didn’t want to get his ass kicked by the literal Ghost for overstepping a boundary while the man was drunk.

With the door finally open and they both slipped through. Simon stumbled a bit and Johnny grabbed him by the shoulder to steady him, both face to face.

His eyes were hazy with alcohol, his grin just a bit too wide. It was unnerving, not to mention distracting. Suddenly Simon was pushing him back onto the bed. Johnny was so shocked at the clumsy strength that he didn’t even fight it at first.

He was even more shocked when he ended up with Simon climbing into his lap as he sat at the foot of the bed. He tried to back up on the bed so that the man could have room, but the man just kept following him. A startled noise coming out of his own throat.

Johnny’s back bumped against the headboard, and he realized that he was about to get a lapful of Simon whether he liked it or not, “Hey LT, what are you doing?”

The man straddled his thighs, resting his weight there, hands running up Johnny’s chest. He felt a cold shiver of unease trickle down his spine, this was wrong.

“Simon?”

“I ever tell you how damn hot you are Johnny,” the man mused, not quite meeting his eyes even though he was looking at him. The haze was still thick in his expression, he swayed sharply before righting himself.

“Simon,” he protested before the man traced his hands up his chest and neck. Johnny shuddered. He had to squeeze his eyes closed. How many times had he wished for this to happen? How many times had he wished to be in Simon’s arms like this? Have the man in his lap or laid out all pretty beneath him?

But this was never how he wanted it. This wasn’t right. The man was drunk off his ass and feeling up Johnny. He opened his eyes to see Simon finally looking directly at him.

“Want you Johnny,” his voice was almost a whine as he spoke, “Been tryin’- have you noticed? Know I don’t flirt too well but I’ve been tryin’- just want you.”

“Si-” he held on to the other’s wrists before they could travel up to his face.

The man kept talking before he could continue, “Fuck me, c’mon Johnny. Said you’d take care of me.”

He shook his head as Simon continued, his hips starting to grind down on Johnny’s groin. He hated the way that his body was reacting, already getting hard at the attention. He wanted to give into the man so bad that it hurt. But he knew that he would be taking advantage of the state that Simon was in. He could never do that to him.

“Simon, yer starting to stress me out mate. Ease up will ya?”

The man ground his hips down again, growling into his ear seductively, “Can help you out with a bit of stress relief Johnny. I bet you would fuck me right. Bet I’d be loose like this too.”

“No,” he said firmly, grabbing the man’s hips and holding him still, “No Simon I’m not going to fuck you like this.”

The man looked at him, head tilted in confusion, “You don’t want me?”

“No! I mean yes, I do want you. Steamin’ jesus Simon! I want you, but not like this,” he pushed the man’s hips down his legs so that they were no longer pressed into each other at the groin. He felt like he could finally breath again.

“What do you mean like this? ‘M still Simon.”

“Yer drunk Si. I’m not gonnae take advantage of ya like this. It’s not right,” he explained gently.

The man looked utterly confused, “You came back to my room with me?”

“Aye, cause I wanted to make sure ye got back safely. Didn’t bring you back here to have a roll in the sheets with ye.”

There was a long pause from Simon. A long pause where neither of them moved. The man was trying to think and Johnny let him have a moment. Honestly, he was trying to collect himself as well.

Eventually he did talk, “Why does me being drunk mean anything?”

The warning bells were going off again, as if they had ever stopped, “Because you can’t give consent when you are drunk like this Simon. Even if we talked about it earlier, which we didn’t, you are too far gone to be making decisions like this. If this is something you want, we can talk about it when you are sober, but we aren’t doing anything like this tonight.”

The man tilted his head, “It never mattered before.”

Johnny felt his blood run cold, his voice low when he questioned, “What?”

“No one ever cared how drunk I was before.”

“Who?”

Simon slid off his lap in favor of laying against his side, head on a pillow looking up at Johnny, “They always fucked me like this. I don’t know what I did wrong with you, I don’t understand why you don’t want me like this…”

The man was rambling, his eyes barely even open anymore. His words, however rambling, were sure of themselves. Soap shifted down to his side to be eye level with him, “Simon, answer a few questions for me, ok?”

The man hummed in agreement, seemingly pleased to look into Johnny’s eyes like this. He pressed forward, “I know you are pretty private, do you have sex often?”

The man shook his head and Johnny continued, “But you have sex with guys from bars?”

A nod.

“Are you usually drunk like this when you do that?”

A shake of his head and Johnny feels the clench in his chest begin to loosen. Until the man speaks, “Not usually, always. That’s just how people have sex Johnny. Being on bottom hurts too much if yer not drunk.”

Johnny felt like he had been struck. Felt like he had been flayed open where he laid on the bed, Simon’s words cutting down to his very soul.

He reached forward and pulled the man into his chest in a bear hug. He ignored the tears on his cheeks, he was hidden from the man anyway, “No, no Simon. That’s not right. That’s not how this is supposed to work. It’s not supposed to hurt, and you’re not supposed to be blackout drunk when you have sex.”

Simon mumbled something but Johnny just held him tighter, “If you still want this when you are sober, I would be willing to show you. I would love to take care of you Simon, just not like this. Not because I don’t want you, but because I care too much about you to do this to you ok? Do you understand that?”

There was a bit of hesitation but soon enough the man was nodding into his chest. His body going boneless under Johnny’s arms. The man must have passed out as his breathing evened out and he melted into a puddle in Johnny’s arms.

Johnny started out over the man’s head to the far wall. He felt his ears ringing in the silence, it was as if a blast had gone off an he had been caught in the shock wave. He held Simon for a moment, allowing him this moment of peace, trying to process what just happened.

It didn’t take long for his skin to begin to crawl. Every point of contact with the man felt like hellfire. He fought the urge to flinch away, instead he pulled away gently trying not to wake the man.

He couldn’t touch him any longer, especially not with the man asleep, really it could probably be counted as passed out at this point. He rose and looked around the room he moved the pain killers and a bottle of water to the bedside table.

He looked at the man, still fully clothed on top of his sheets. It was all too easy to imagine someone taking advantage of the man like this. It made him sick that Simon asked him to do it, didn’t realize that anything was wrong with that.

Johnny took a deep breath, he had done the right thing, not letting Simon take them any further down the path he had wanted to. He knew the man wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping in his jeans but all Johnny could manage to do was take off his boots. He couldn’t bring his shaking hands to help the man any further.

He simply turned the edge of his comforter up to cover the man where he laid, covering him like a soft taco. Then he all but ran from the room. He made his way back to his room on autopilot, going through his routine without even thinking about it.

He finally settled down in his own bed and stared up at the ceiling. He was exhausted, an intense sadness settled into his bones at the thought of what Simon had gone through. He had obviously been mistreated, likely assaulted, and he thought that was normal. He thought that was how sex was supposed to happen.

He was too tired to cry but it was a near thing. Johnny had always enjoyed sex, top or bottom. He always communicated with his partners, made sure they were always on the same page. Hell, he had even stopped in the middle of sex multiple times either because he didn’t want to continue or because his partner had asked or even hinted at wanting to stop.

He had always set firm boundaries and didn’t push his partners’. He never wanted to be someone who took more than what someone wanted to give. His dad had always drilled into him how important consent was, long before he had ever been having sex. It was second nature to him at this point.

As his eyes slowly started to droop, he thought of his LT sleeping in his room down the hall. He resigned himself to go talk to the man in the morning. He would explain to him that he deserved to be treated with respect and if someone tries anything with him when drunk that he needs to kick their ass.

Bloody hell he needed to have a sex talk with his LT. Oh. He needed to have a talk about consent with the man he wanted to sleep with. Fuck that wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

His eyes were fully closed by now and the last thought in his mind was about how even if it wasn’t a pleasant conversation it needed to happen. Hell, he would gladly take the ass kicking that might come with it if it meant that Simon was safe. Even if the man never wanted to be with Johnny, he was still going to make sure he knew that he deserved to be respected. He deserved to enjoy himself, to not be assaulted. Fucking hell Simon. The man never made anything easy for Johnny.

Chapter 2: The Talk

As expected, Johnny didn’t sleep well that night. He slept sure, but he was still up early, thoughts storming as soon as he opened his eyes. He went back to the rec room and started cleaning up. He was washing dishes by the time Price wandered in and set up the coffee pot.

The man nodded to him as he finished up and dried his hands. He figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “Hey Captain, can I ask a favor?”

The man looked up at him hesitantly, "Tell me you didn't blow something up again.”

Johnny chuckled lightly, “Not this time boss, I was gonna ask if Ghost and I could have the morning off. He was a bit worse for wear by the end of last night and I need to talk to him.”

Price looked him over, “Did something happen?”

“Kinda,” Johnny wasn’t about to elaborate.

“You will tell me if it’s something I need to be worried about, right?”

“Aye sir, it’s not work related, but important all the same.”

“I trust you Soap,” the man nodded, “You both can have the time. Please tell me if there is anything I can do to help, even if it’s not work related.”

Johnny nodded and slipped out of the room as the man was pouring his cup of coffee. He made his way to the DFAC. He grabbed two trays of food before going to Ghost’s room. He listened through the door for any sign of movement. He didn’t hear anything.

Shifting the trays around, he knocked on the door. When he didn’t hear anything, he gently opened the door. He peered into the darkness and saw Simon right where he left him. Checking the clock, he noted that it was almost nine in the morning, much later than the man usually slept.

Letting the door slip shut behind him, he entered the room. The click of the latch seemed to rouse the man a bit as he grumbled. Johnny made his way to the desk across the room. He sat in the chair with the trays on the desk. He watched Simon as his face started to twitch.

Simon rolled over onto his back and Johnny watched as he blinked his eyes open to stare at the ceiling. The room was dimly lit from the light seeping in around the dark curtains over his windows.

He just waited patiently as the man looked up at the ceiling, his brain slowly staring to come online. He watched as the man blinked hard, his hands moving under the sheets to start to pat along his body. The movement made Johnny remember exactly why he was here.

He could only assume that Simon was checking what clothes he had on right now. His face a bit confused when he found all of his clothes still on. Johnny had to suppress the grimace from crossing his face. He wanted to kill anyone who had touched the man. Touched by people who didn’t give a damn about him or his comfort.

Simon turned his head away from Johnny and saw the water bottle. With a slight groan he pushed himself up to sit against his headboard and grabbed the water. He tilted his head back as he started to drink, still not noticing Johnny’s presence.

Johnny cleared his throat and watched Simon freeze, eyes immediately darting over to him. Tensing and then relaxing as he realized it was Johnny. He kept drinking his water before lowering it slowly and letting out a groan.

“What are you doing here Johnny?”

He held out the tray of food to the man, “Breakfast time LT.”

He rubbed a hand over his face, Johnny could see his hand shaking, “What fucking time is it?”

“It’s nine,” he took a breath, “What do you remember from last night?”

The man looked down at himself, once again patting his clothes, taking stock of himself and how he felt, “We were drinking.”

Johnny nodded, “Yeah, you remember what we talked about last night?”

“In the bar?”

He raised an eyebrow, “No, in the rec room and in here. You remember that Simon?”

The man thought for a second seeming to consider how to approach the issue or maybe if he could lie his way through this conversation. Johnny almost huffed, it would be laughable if he thought that he could lie to him.

The man seemed to come to the same conclusion, he replied slowly, “No…”

He did let out a sigh at that one, “God damnit Ghost.”

He shifted, almost squirming in his sheets, “What- did something happen?”

Johnny just gave him a hard stare, willing the man to remember. This was going to be significantly harder to start the conversation if he didn’t even remember the cause of it.

Simon must have taken his silence for disapproval, “Look Johnny, spare me the lecture, ok? I know that I have no reason to drink like that but we both know I don’t do it often so let’s just skip that part.”

He watched the man’s throat work as he swallowed hard, he was hiding his anxiety well, but Johnny had always noticed everything about the man. He noticed this, “Did I say anything? Did we do anything?”

“You said plenty Simon,” he spoke, trying, and failing to keep the harsh tone out of his words.

The man avoided eye contact, “What did I- What did we do?”

“We didn’t do anything Simon,” he crossed his arms over his chest, “You were off yer heid last night. I brought you back to yer room and you passed out. Just took off yer shoes and headed back to my room.”

Simon started to pick at his food and Johnny was glad that he was eating. His hands were still shaking, he needed the nourishment. Johnny just wanted to hold the man tight and tell him that he was safe here, but there was a lot that they needed to talk about before they got to that point.

He took a deep breath, “I came back this morning to check on you, but also to ask if we can have a conversation as friends? I need to talk to you, without regard to ranks, as someone who cares about you and your safety.”

Simon paused for a moment, “Johnny…”

“Please Simon, we need to talk.”

“I must have fucked something up pretty bad for you to be the one all serious now.”

“Simon please, you didn’t fuck anything up. If anything, you scared me. Don’t look at me like that, not for myself. I was scared because of what you were saying. You alright with talking now?”

The man was even more nervous now, it was a struggle to meet Johnny’s eyes, but he was so proud of him when he finally did, “Alright Johnny. We can talk, no ranks.”

“Thank you. Look I don’t wannae make you uncomfortable, but I’ve got some questions for you and I promise they all have a point, alright?” Simon nodded, “How often do you sleep with people, Si?”

The man stiffened up a bit, looking away, “I don’t know. Not a lot of opportunity for people like me in a job like this.”

Johnny’s head tilted of its own accord, “People like you? Like us? Operators?”

He shook his head, he was almost pouting by now, “No Johnny, it’s just- I d- I don’t like women. At all. Not the best profession to be like that in.”

“Nothing wrong with that Si,” he said, making sure his voice was soft, his smile kind, “But I understand. My preferences tend to steer away from the ladies more often than not.”

He saw the man’s head perk up a bit at Johnny’s encouragement. He took it as a sign to push forward, “Just humor me please.”

“A handful of times I guess.”

Johnny nodded, “Ok, and of those times how often were you intoxicated during it?

The man hesitated, his eyes squeezing closed, “All but once. I- the one time wasn’t exactly what I wanted to have happen.”

“Can you explain what you mean, please,” he tried to be encouraging.

“On one of my missions I was captured, not really what you would call a healthy relationship. Wasn’t able to do what I normally do.”

“I’m so sorry Simon,” he let his words settle for a moment, but could see in the other man’s eyes that he wanted to move off of that specific topic, “Can you explain to me what you normally do?”

Simon’s downturned expression turned to one of confusion, “What do you mean? I just had normal sex the other times?”

Johnny tilted his head, “Just humor me Simon, what is normal for you?”

The man seemed to be getting defensive, his shoulder’s drawing up, his voice tense. Johnny hoped that he could get to the point soon, but he needed to lead the man to it slowly. Info bombing him wasn’t going to help anything.

Johnny wasn’t a therapist, he only knew so much. But he knew Simon, the man that would hardly accept his help. He would never go to a therapist about anything like this. Johnny just wanted him to be safe, wanted him to understand. He leaned forward to give the man his full attention.

“I drink, I get fucked, and then we go on our separate ways.”

“Thank you, Simon, bit of a change of direction. You ever go to sex ed classes in school?”

“Yeah, we all did,” he rolled his eyes, tone sarcastic, “Don’t have sex or you’ll die or go to hell or whatever.”

He chuckled a bit, “Sounds like the shit they tried to pull at my school before someone screwed their heads on straight. I’m just gonna assume that some of this might be a bit new for ya. Bear with me mate, yeah?”

Simon nodded, a confused but still attentive look on his face. Johnny pressed on, “Alright so when people, doesn’t matter who, are having sex everyone needs to agree yeah? That’s consent. A non-negotiable for having sex.”

“I know what consent is you wanker,” Simon argued, “I’m not stupid.”

“You might know what it is Simon but the way you were acting yesterday really didn’t back that up. You know that you can’t give consent if you are intoxicated?”

“What,” the man’s face fell, he just looked at Johnny. Expression blank, maybe even a bit shocked.

“Yeah Si. Drunk, on drugs, or asleep, you can’t give consent. You shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone in any of those states. No matter what you are saying, people shouldn’t be fucking you when yer too drunk, especially not blackout drunk.”

“Johnny, what the fuck did I do last night? Why are you telling me this?”

“You tried to get me to fuck you last night,” he said it quickly, before he could think better of it, “Simon, you told me that you only had sex blackout and tried to get me to fuck you. Told me that it was the only way you could get through the pain of it.”

Simon’s face was bright red. He set his tray to the side, the food forgotten and cold by now. Johnny knew he wasn’t going to get a response and the expression on his face was killing him. He stared down the bed at his feet, looking like he wanted to drop through the floor. His expression was filed with embarrassment and shame, Johnny hated it. He didn’t want the man to be in any discomfort. He just wanted him to be safe. He needed to help the man understand.

“I’m not mad at you Simon, alright? Need you to understand that. I just need you to be safe. That kind of thing isn’t right. Sex isn’t supposed to hurt, love isn’t supposed to hurt Simon.”

The man’s hands were fidgeting, his eyes looked a bit hazy. Tears starting to well up in his eyes, “I- I don’ understand Johnny. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I care about you Simon. You are my teammate, my best friend, and I would care for you a hell of a lot more if that was something you are interested in. But even if it isn’t I need you to be safe. I need you to understand that you don’t deserve to be hurt. You deserve to enjoy having sex, there shouldn’t be any pain unless you ask for it. You deserve to enjoy it and to remember it the next morning.”

There were tears streaming down Simon’s face now even as he didn’t move a muscle. Johnny couldn’t take the distance anymore, he got up and moved to the bed settling next to Simon, facing him.

He gently grasped the man’s bare face, “Simon please look at me. Do you understand what I’m saying now?”

The man looked up at him with blue eyes that held so much sorrow. So much pain that simmered under the surface. His expression seemed to break just a bit more when he made eye contact with Johnny.

He reached up slowly and brushed his fingertips over Johnny’s cheek, dragging through wetness there. Johnny hadn’t even realized that he was also crying, it was just so much. He needed Simon to be safe more than he needed to breath.

“You care about me,” it wasn’t a question. Simon said it in realization. Johnny could practically see the thoughts swirling around his mind through his eyes. He felt bad for how much he was telling the man right now, especially after a night of drinking, but he didn’t regret it.

No, Simon needed to hear, to understand, what Johnny had to say. From where Johnny was sitting no one had ever told any of this to the man. No one had ever cared about the man like this. He didn’t think anyone had ever looked out for the Ghost, made sure he was safe and healthy like this. Johnny was determined to be that person for him. By god he was going to make sure that Simon was safe and taken care of, even if it wasn’t him doing the caring.

“Of course I care about you. I can see you thinking real hard over here. Let’s finish up our food, take a second to think and then we can talk a bit more. Go over any questions you might have or anything you wanna say. Sound ok?”

He hummed in agreement, “ ‘suppose to be me giving the orders Johnny.”

“A good leader is a good follower LT,” he joked lightly, there was no heat in the man’s words and he took that as acceptance of his proposal.

He moved back to the desk and finished eating his breakfast. It had long since gone cold but he didn’t mind too much. He tried to not stare at Simon, only glancing at him every once in a while.

The man sat quietly on his bed, eyes focused on the middle ground. Lost in thought as he chewed his food slowly. Johnny checked in on the level of food remaining on his tray, slowing down his own progress so that the man didn’t feel rushed.

Sometime later they both finished up their food and Simon placed his tray in the nightstand next to his bed. He opened the bottle on his nightstand and took a couple of pills. His eyes slowly coming back into focus and he looked at Johnny.

He met his gaze steadily but not unkindly, waiting for him to speak first. Simon took a breath, “For once I’m not the one with the experience between the two of us.”

Johnny nodded, “Nothing wrong with that, I’m more than happy to share what I know. And if there is something I don’t know we can learn it together yeah?”

Silence for a moment. Johnny could tell that he was working himself up to say something. Maybe trying to figure out how to ask or maybe just trying to get the courage to do so. Johnny knew, in that moment, that he would wait forever for Simon. He would wait till the world stopped turning just to hear one more word from the man. He wanted to be there for it all.

“You said it’s not supposed to hurt.”

“Correct,” he made sure to keep any judgement out of his words, “Sex should be fun. Just pleasure, no pain unless it is specifically asked for.”

“But how does that work. I- I’ve…” he huffed frustrated, “Johnny you can’t tell anyone about this conversation, about any of it. I swear to g-”

“I’m not telling anyone Simon, swear on my life. And I promise you that I’m not going to judge you for anything you say, nothing is going to change the way that I see you… the way I feel about you.”

There was a light blush on Simon’s cheeks that Johnny found endearing. He seemed to be soothed by his words, “I’m always on the bottom, uh.. the receiving side at least. You said it shouldn’t hurt but it always has.”

“How much prep do your partners give you?”

The silence after that question was deafening. Johnny had to restrain himself from apologizing for the question. He didn’t quite know what he was about to hear next, but he was nervous for it with the way that Simon went still at it.

“Prep?” the question was soft, almost hurt, sounding like pure confusion.

Oh god, oh god no. Johnny felt like he was going to throw up. He clenched his jaw tight and willed tears back into his skull. If no one had ever prepped Simon before no wonder he thought that sex hurt, no wonder he got blackout drunk to do it. Johnny could feel his pulse pounding in his head.

This wasn’t about him or his feelings. He was here and he was supposed to help Simon through this. He pushed all of his own sadness and rage at how unfair life was to the man before him aside. He could pull that back and examine it later, but now was not the time.

“Prep is where the person who is going to be receiving is eased into it. Making sure they are relaxed and ready to take whatever it is going into them. When I top, I like to be the one to prep my partner, but it doesn’t have to be that way.”

Simon’s gaze was piercing, there was a sheen of genuine curiosity in his eyes now. The worst of the confusion was gone. He leaned forward slightly, “Explain. What do you do?”

Now it was Soap’s turn to blush. He swallowed harshly. As much as he was here to help, he hadn’t necessarily been expecting to go into his own sexual preferences or tendencies with his Lieutenant. But all in all, he started this conversation and he wasn’t going to back out now.

“Alright, just stop me if you’ve got any questions,” he decided to try to take any emotion out of it. Keep it tactical, kinda, “So when I’m on top, which is not always by the way, I like to start slow. Kissing my partner first, making sure that they want everything. Making sure they know that we can stop any time they want. Eventually when we get into bed, I like to prep my partner with my hands. When I’m with a fella, I use lube and my fingers. One at a time, working them in slowly. It’s a form of foreplay, slowly opening him up, fucking him with my fingers and the lube until he is loose and comfortable. Then you know… the rest of it.”

The curiosity in Simon’s eyes only grew as Johnny spoke. The blond looked like he was about to pounce on Johnny. He forced himself to look the man in the eyes, trying to get past the startling intensity of them.

Simon tilted his head, “What do you get out of that?”

Johnny let out a gentle laugh, “I get to see my partner start to relax into the bed, as if they are melting before my eyes. I hear the sound of their pleasure and know that I’m the one causing those sounds. It’s intoxicating, I love watching them fall apart on my fingers. Sometimes we don’t even get to the sex, just doing that service is enough for both of us.”

Simon’s breathing picked up a bit as he analyzed Johnny, “It’s not a fast thing?”

“It can be,” he admitted, swallowing hard, “But I like to take my time. I don’t get anything physical from it unless I’ve got a hand around myself at the same time. Yet I love it. I love seeing them squirm with the pleasure, have them asking for more. I love the sounds, I would lo-”

He snapped his mouth shut around words that almost slipped out. I would love to hear the sounds you make too. The sounds I could draw out of you. That was not what this conversation was about. This was not the time to make this about what he wants.

Simon crawled to the edge of the bed closest to him and kneeled there, looking at him, “Johnny…”

His eyes snapped to the man, giving his body a onceover. Simon was a beautiful man, big and hulking with sharp angles. Johnny’s eyes snagged around the other’s hips, he was straining against the denim of the jeans that he has slept in.

Oh. Oh.

Johnny had to resist shifting in his seat to readjust his own hard-on. They were both effected by this conversation. There was no more confusion in his eyes, he looked incredibly turned on.

“I never knew that was a possibility. I thought sex was just sex,” he admitted, “That- that sounds nice. I…”

Johnny knew that he should end the conversation there, or at the very least pull it back into safer territory. But Johnny wasn’t known for taking the safe option, “Does it sound nice to do it or have it done to you?”

“H-having it done to me,” the blush on Simon’s face was back, “I- uh, Johnny. I want…”

His heart was pounding hard in his chest, “Simon, I-”

“I want you to do that to me,” Simon pushed forward before Johnny could even hope to finish his thought.

That one sentence was enough to halt any and all brain function that Johnny had left. He stared at his Lieutenant, his best friend, the man that he had a hopeless crush on, in shock. He never would have thought that this was where the conversation was going to end up.

Simon must have taken the time it took for his brain to reboot as a sign of rejection and started to backpedal, “I- I mean if you want to. I didn’t mean to assume that you would want that. No- you know never mind. I really appreciate you telling me everything, I- I”

“Simon,” Johnny didn’t mean to snap at the man, but he needed a second to think and the man kept rambling, “Just hold on a second. I’m trying to make sure I’m not dreaming hearing those words come out of you.”

He took a few breaths as he collected himself, Simon sat patiently on the bed, waiting. He finally said, “Look Simon. Just being honest here. I like you, and more than a Sergeant should like their LT. If you asked, I would give you everything, but I don’t do one-night stands. I- I’ve been hurt too many times that way. Mum says I’ve got too big of a heart. I fall too fast, too hard and wind up getting hurt.”

“I don’t want a one-night stand,” the man admitted quietly, “Not if it’s you Johnny.”

They both stared at each other for a long moment, seeing the sincerity in each other’s eyes. It soothed both of their nerves better than any words ever could.

“Alright, Si,” Johnny said, “I would love to show you everything I was talking about. I’d love to show you how it’s not supposed to hurt.”

Simon was off the bed in a second moving towards him quickly. Johnny almost flinched, his hand coming up quickly with a flat palm to stop him, “Whoa whoa! Hold on!”

Simon froze instantly, eyes going wide, “I- I thought. I’m sorry.”

“No no! Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I want to show you everything, but not right now. I kinda gotta go to work and I want to take my time with you.”

“Oh,” Simon sat back down.

“Take some time. Think about everything we talked about. Then later tonight if you still want to try, as little or as much as you want, come find me in my room, yeah? No pressure. Even if you just want to ask some more questions. You are allowed to change your mind, ok?”

Simon nodded and Johnny stood from his chair. He gave the hair on Simon’s head a ruffle, receiving a jab to the ribs for his effort. He let out a soft laugh as he danced out of range.

He made his way back to the door of Simon’s room, “I got Price to get us the morning off, so get some rest. I’ll see you at the brief tonight, Simon.”

He stepped out of the door, not expecting a response. Simon never said anything when he left. However just as the door was about to latch closed, he heard a soft, “See ya Johnny.”

Notes:

The next chapter will be a smutty one, hope y'all thought this one was interesting. Let me know if I missed any tags please.

Chapter 3: Showing You What It's Supposed to be Like

It was a long day. Johnny worked through all the files that he had put off yesterday and got some training in. Then he sat through the weekly briefing from Price, smiling at Simon whenever the man would lean over and make a joke.

Things seemed pretty normal, he was glad that Ghost seemed to have taken everything he said and wasn’t retreating into himself because of it. It would have been expected for the man to just disappear after all of that, but he hadn’t. He went about his duties as if nothing had happened, treating Johnny exactly as he always did.

They ate dinner together and parted ways after, both needing to shower. Johnny didn’t mention their planned meeting later that night. He didn’t want the man to think that he was required to come, he just wanted Simon to come if he wanted to come, not because he thought he had to.

As it was, Johnny still hoped that he would come tonight. The man had cursed his dreams for months and he would like nothing more than to show the man how much he cared about him. He wanted to show him how good sex was supposed to feel and to love the man to bits.

He hadn’t been lying when he said that he didn’t want to have a one-night stand, especially not with Simon. From the sounds of it, the other man agreed with him on that point as well. If given the chance, Johnny would leap at the opportunity to be more than friends with him. But he knew Simon was a complicated man and he wouldn’t push him if that wasn’t what he wanted.

He sat on the edge of the bed, freshly showered, just thinking when there was a soft knock on the door. He stood and opened the door, trying to ignore the way that his heart pounded in his chest. The door swung open to reveal Simon. He stood there in comfy clothes, a plain black face mask on, hood pulled over his head.

“Hi Johnny,” he spoke softly.

“Hey Si, would you like to come in?”

The man nodded and Johnny stepped aside so he could enter. He toed off his shoes at the door before standing before him. He fidgeted with the end of his own shirt, as if he were a bit unsure what to do with himself.

Johnny stood in front of him, but with a good bit of space between them, he didn’t want to encroach and make him uncomfortable, “I’m glad you came Simon. You call the shots here, we do what you want to do. As much or as little as you want, hell I’d be pure happy to just watch a movie with you. It’s all on your call.”

The man looked at him, calculating, “And if you don’t like something?”

“Then I will tell you and we will go from there. We will talk to each other, this whole thing doesn’t work without communication.”

Simon took a deep breath, “Then I think I need to tell you something.”

Johnny’s eyebrows rose, “What’s that?”

“I want you, but I don’t want you if this is the only time I have you,” he admitted, “I- I don’t know how to care for someone, not anymore, but I want to try to care for you the same way you care for me.”

Johnny felt his heart melt at the man’s words, “I would like that Si, I don’t want this to be a one-time thing either. I want to be more with you.”

“With just me?”

He smiled wide, “Just you and me, Si.”

Ghost pulled his mask off and stole all of Johnny’s breath from his lungs. He would never get over how beautiful this man was.

“Can I call you mine then?”

“So long as I can call you mine,” Johnny agreed with a smile.

Simon nodded, “Suppose I should take you on a date then? Be my boyfriend.”

Johnny laughed, “Yes Simon, I think we just established that. I would love to go on a date with you.”

“You said communicate, so now you aren’t going to be able to get me to shut up,” he teased.

“Good,” Johnny gave a playful growl, “I don’t ever want you to stop talking. You’re voice drives me wild… Can I kiss you love?”

“If you don’t I might just have to take matters into my own hands,” he muttered with a small smile.

That was all Johnny needed. As if pushed, he moved forward, hands going to Simon’s biceps, gently grasping him close. He leaned up to his face, lips just a fraction of an inch away. He could feel the gentle puffs of his breath fanning across his face.

He hovered close, letting Simon make the final move. He didn’t have to wait long, the distance was closed quickly, and their lips met in a gentle, tentative kiss. Neither of them pushed hard, letting their skin meet in a slow dance.

Simon’s lips were chapped, a slightly rough feel to them and Johnny wouldn’t change it for anything. Slowly he started to move against him, lips dancing together. He pressed his body against Simon’s, relishing in the heat of him.

He was so caught up in the feeling of finally kissing him that he was almost startled by the sudden sound. Right as Johnny gently pulled his bottom lip into his mouth Simon let out a bone-deep moan.

The man pushed forward into Johnny, his hands coming up to grasp his face. One hand situated at the base of his skull, gripping at the bottom of his mohawk, the other on the side of his face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone. Simon tilted his head and opened his mouth to Johnny.

He wanted to draw that noise out of him over and over again. He gently traced his hands up, keeping his touch light as he held Ghost’s neck with one hand, the other gentle on his chest. He was rewarded with another breathless moan as he teased his tongue along Simon’s lower lip.

Pleased, he pulled away, resting his forehead against his. Both panting slightly. Johnny looked into his eyes to see blown out pupils, “I want to hear every sound you can make Simon. Never could have dreamed that you sound that beautiful and I’m just kissing you.”

“Johnny,” his voice was wrecked already, and Johnny had to suppress a groan to listen, “Bed. Now.”

He smiled wide, the grin splitting his face, “Aye sir.”

Simon scoffed, “Don’t call me sir tonight.”

“Tomorrow night,” he asked cheekily, more than confident nowthat Ghost wouldn’t leave this far in if he made a joke or two.

Simon just rolled his eyes and gave Johnny a gentle shove towards his bed. He broke away with a laugh and backed up with his arms held out in surrender. He stepped back until his knees hit the edge of the bed and he sat down with a flop onto the soft mattress.

Simon reached down for the hem of his shirt and in one swift motion pulled it over his head. Johnny felt his jaw drop as he took in all of the now exposed skin. Holy fuck this man is gorgeous.

Then another thought struck him, holy fuck my boyfriend is smoking hot. His eyes skittered across the rounded planes of his chest, the muscle well defined there. The smoothness of his stomach, he could just barely see the definition of abs hiding beneath the skin. If Johnny were a betting man he would put a lot of money on if the man decided to flex he would have a killer set of abs.

His hands jumped from where they sat on his thighs, straining against his control to trace the v of the man’s adonis belt. He forced his hands back down, almost needing to sit on them to keep it under control.

Simon stepped forward, nudging his thighs open wide so he could stand between them. His finger’s traced over Johnny’s covered shoulders as he looked down at him, “You can touch me Johnny, just be gentle on the scars.”

His hands were instantly on his skin. He traced along the trails of smoke inked into this skin that crept up his arm and down over his full chest. He ran his thumbs under the swell of his pecks. His fingers danced across Simon’s nipples, drawing a startled but interested breath out of him.

Johnny looked up at him, “There is no way you are real. You are so handsome steaming jesus.”

Simon just chuckled, “So I guess I don’t need to ask if you like what you see?”

“Good lord don’t ever doubt what you do to me Simon. Fucking hell you are so hot,” he couldn’t keep a hold on the words tumbling out of his mouth. His hands stroking over Simon’s flanks, across his stomach. His skin was surprisingly soft, he avoided the scars that littered his skin.

They were beautiful, little bits of proof that he was still alive, that he had endured and now he was in Johnny’s arms. Another time, he would ask about them, but not now, not tonight. He let his hands wandered on their own, never dipping low enough to even touch the band of his sweatpants. If Simon wanted him there, then he was going to have to put his hands there.

For now, he was more than content to touch his skin, to play with his nipples, to draw those beautiful noises from his mouth. He would do anything to hear more.

“Johnny,” he breathed.

“Yeah sweetheart?”

“Will you take off your shirt?”

Johnny’s hands were already moving, complying with the request as soon as it was made, “Don’t think I’ll make quite as pretty of a picture as yourself Simon, but I’ve been told I’m not too hard on the eyes.”

As soon as his shirt was off he got a lapful of his LT, the man instantly straddling his thighs, hands grabbing desperately at his now bare skin. The man honest to god growled at him, a snarl from deep in his chest, “No one’s ever gonna see this again. Just me Johnny. You are perfect.”

He squeezed his bicep, continuing a bit with his rambling, “How do you hide all of this under your uniform? Do you even know how much you drive me crazy with your tight little shirts? Johnny, I do-”

He was cut off when Johnny surged up and pulled him into a heated kiss, tongue immediately flicking out to battle with Simon for dominance. The taller man easily gave in and let him have his way with his mouth, moaning lewdly as he did so.

Soon enough Simon was pushing him back until he fell to the bed fully. His back hit the mattress, but his mouth never left the other’s. Simon ground down on him slightly and he couldn’t help but let out a pleased noise at the feeling.

“Johnny, Johnny please,” he panted, “Tell me how to make you feel good. Tell me so you can make me feel good.”

He paused for a moment, pulling back slightly before rolling them over easily. The flushed look of Simon laid out underneath him was one he would never forget. He didn’t want to pause but he needed to clarify for the man, needed to set some things straight.

He trailed kisses down his neck, “Maybe another night Si, but tonight I don’t want you to worry one bit about how to please me. You never have to please me just so I do something for you alright? You don’t ever have to do anything for me just because I did something for you either.”

Simon let out a moan and nodded at his words. Johnny kissed up his jaw, “Tell me what you want to try sweetheart.”

“I- I want what you were talking about earlier,” he gasped out, hips twitching against Johnny’s.

He hummed in response, “Gonna need to be a bit more detailed than that Si, we talked about a lot of things.”

“I- I wan- I…” the man looked up helplessly at Johnny. Like he knew what he wanted but couldn’t force himself to say it. Johnny gave him a sweet kiss before looking into his pretty eyes.

“Do you want me to finger you sweetheart?”

“Yes,” he breathed out.

“Do you want me to finger you until you cum? Maybe get my mouth on your cock too?”

He let out a loud moan at that, “Yes! Johnny please.”

“Ask me nicely sweetheart,” he said with a gentle smile, “Say Johnny please finger me until I cum.”

“J-johnny! Please fin- finger me until I cum! Ah!”

Johnny couldn’t help but grind his hips teasingly against Simon’s when he asked so prettily, “Good boy. You’re going to tell me if anything hurts right?”

He nodded and Johnny grasped a handful of his hair, “Say it, Simon.”

“I’ll tell you if anything hurts Johnny.”

“Good, and you will tell me if you don’t like anything I’m doing or if you feel uncomfortable right?”

“I- I’ll tell you if I don’t like anything or if I feel un- Johnny! Please! I-”

He cut him off my sealing their mouths together, hands immediately going to Simon’s waistband. He moved slowly but surely, grasping the waistband of the pants and his boxers, pulling them down in one pull.

Helping Simon out of them he got to look at the man, he was laid out beautifully beneath him. He left his own straining erection trapped in his pants, ignoring the way that it throbbed when he saw Simon bare as the day he was born.

The man was a menace, pretty cock that curved up towards his stomach. The tip was bright red, already shining with the wet precum that was leaking out of him. Soap stroked his hands from Simon’s chest all the way down to cradle his hips, just looking his fill. He didn’t think he could ever get bored looking at him like this.

He asked, “Ready sweetheart?”

Simon nodded, a small whine coming out of his throat, “Want you to make it feel good Johnny. You said it’s supposed to feel good, tha- that’s all I ever wanted it to feel like.”

He felt a twinge in his heart that he tried to ignore. His hand came to wrap around Simon’s cock, giving it a firm but slow stroke. The man bucked his hips up and he had to hold him down with his free hand so he could go at his own pace.

He hated to think that Simon had been looking for something like this for so long. All he had been chasing was a pleasurable night with someone else’s hand in his. Yet he had never found it, always thinking that he couldn’t have the pleasure without the pain.

Johnny dropped down to press a kiss to the head of his cock, drawing another moan from him before taking it into his mouth. He would show Simon, he would treat him the way he deserved to be treated. He would take his time. He had all night. They had the rest of their lives to perfect this dance.

He reached over to his nightstand, before realizing that his arm was never going to reach with how far down the bed he was. He reluctantly pulled off the squirming man beneath him.

He laid his cheek against the crease where his thigh met his torso, breath ghosting over his length when he spoke, “Love can you hand me the bottle of lube in the top drawer of the nightstand.”

Simon blinked at him for a moment before turning slightly and opening the drawer. He peered into it and pulled out the small bottle. His head tilted curiously, temporarily sidetracked with the new object in his hand.

He read the label before shaking the bottle slightly, watching the substance move around in the bottle. Johnny waited patiently, he wasn’t going to rush the man’s exploration. He was a bit concerned about how curious the man was before he spoke up.

“I never got to see the bottle when they used lube,” he chuckled lightly, “If they used lube. I don’t know, I guess I just wasn’t expecting it to look like this.”

Johnny trailed his fingers across the hip bone he wasn’t laying on, “Why don’t you put some on your hand love? Just to see what it feels like?”

Simon’s eyes flashed to his, a mix of excitement but also worry, “What if I make a mess?”

He smiled, sharp canines on display, “Already planning on making a mess love, but if it makes you uncomfortable why don’t you grab the hand towel that I keep in that drawer. Just leave it next to you and if you don’t like the feeling of it on your hand you can wipe it off.”

With that little bit of encouragement Simon gathered the towel and popped the cap on the bottle and squirted some of the gel out onto his fingers. Johnny watched, amused, as he spread it between his fingers testing the viscosity and how far it would spread. He smiled softly, enjoying how relaxed Simon felt underneath him.

He was safe to explore. Johnny’s heart swelled with pride at being able to provide that space for him here. He loved watching Simon play and investigate. He loved the concentration even with how relaxed he was.

Even if they both simmered with want and desire, they could take their time here. Simon knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Johnny let out a soft sigh at the peace of the moment, he was going to enjoy helping the man break apart in the most pleasurable of ways.

Simon’s eyes suddenly locked on to Johnny’s with an intensity and mischief that took him off guard. Ghost was almost always in a serious mood and didn’t play around often. Upon seeing the playful look in his eyes, he wondered if that was simply because he had never been given the opportunity to be playful before.

Johnny didn’t have any more time to contemplate the merits of his LT’s attitude before a hand was quickly approaching his face. Glistening wet fingers were suddenly pressed to his face. Simon’s hand rested flat palmed against him.

He was in so much shock at the action that he didn’t even flinch. His jaw dropping open in surprise. Simon wasn’t smothering him, it wasn’t an attack. He just rubbed the lube on his face like a child who got into the fingerpaints.

Johnny’s grin almost split his face in half, “Did ya let the intrusive thoughts win on that one, LT?”

Simon looked between Johnny and the hand that he drew away from his face, he laughed. They both laughed at it. Johnny crawled back up the bed and pressed his wet forehead against Simon’s, covering them both in lube. It was stupid but they both laughed together about it and Johnny wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Eventually their giggles subsided and Johnny cleaned off Simon’s forehead before his own face. He pressed a firm kiss to the other’s lips and he responded with a fierce passion. Simon pushed up into him, hips rocking against his sweatpants. Even after all that Simon was still fully hard.

“Gonnae let me follow through with the plan?”

“Please,” was the breathless reply he got as he drove his hips down to grind against him.

He smiled and began to kiss his way down Simon’s body. He kissed every high point, every beautiful dip between muscle. Even buried his nose in the smooth skin of his chest. But he didn’t touch a single scar. Simon had set that boundary and he was going to respect that, he wasn’t going to give the man a single reason to not trust him.

Eventually he got low enough to give his tip a kiss. As he did so he coated his fingers in lube, warming it between them. He tapped on Simon’s left knee, “Lift this leg for me love.”

He guided the limb so it came up and out, spreading the man so beautifully before him. Johnny’s breath caught in his throat at the sight of Simon with spread legs under him.

His wet fingers traced from just below his balls down to his entrance. He circled around it slowly, feeling the tense muscle there. He placed a finger against it, looking up to Simon. The man’s gaze was piercing as he watched him.

Simon’s hand, wet with lube again, had come up to wrap around his cock. Stroking slowly, not enough to get him off or even close, but it was enough to get him panting.

Johnny met his gaze, “Tell me again what you want me to do Simon. Be a good boy and tell me.”

Simon’s head fell back as he circled around his hole again, a breathy moan escaping him, “I wa- I want you to finger me until I cum Johnny. I want you to make it feel good.”

He didn’t wait another moment before pressing a single finger inside of him. Simon gasped at the intrusion, clenching down on his finger immediately. Johnny pressed in slowly, stopping when the finger was fully inside of him.

He nudged Simon’s hand off his cock, replacing it with his own slow strokes. He liked controlling the pace, “Just breathe love. Take a second and breathe.”

Simon’s next inhale was shaky, his muscles trembled beneath his skin. Johnny didn’t move the finger that was inside of him. Patiently waiting for him to get his breath back. He knew it would take time, maybe even years, this was a reaction that had been made and reinforced many times.

His body tensed up, trying to protect itself from the pain. Pain that he was expecting to come because it was all he knew in a situation like this.

Simon slowly started to loosen up as Johnny murmured little encouraging words to him. He talked him through it, helping him breathe, reminding him that he was safe and could stop any time he wanted.  Finally, he took in a full breath and relaxed fully.

“Good job Simon,” he smiled up at him, “Proud of you. Can you tell me how you feel right now?”

“Like there is a finger up my ass,” came his sarcastic reply.

Johnny just scoffed, he crooked his finger, curling it slightly. He pressed into the little spongy spot that he had passed on the way in, and Simon lit up like he’d struck a live wire. His cock jumped in his hand and a startled moan was ripped from his throat. Johnny eased off his prostate.

“I meant, smartass, does it feel good or does it hurt?”

Once Simon caught his breath he responded, “Felt tight going in, but it didn’t hurt. It’s been a while since anyone’s been in me. I’m good, I want to keep going.”

Johnny placed a kiss to the spot where his balls met his cock, nuzzling slightly. He huffed, he found that he loved the smell of him fresh out of the shower. It was just Simon, no trace of the day left on him. It was intoxicating.

He didn’t stay long, “Thank you for telling me love.”

Johnny worked his finger out slowly, brushing against his prostate on the way out. Simon whined softly at the feeling of it. Then he pressed back in. When he felt Simon starting to tense up, he would give his opposite wrist a practiced twist, drawing his palm over the tip of his cock, to distract him. Worked like a charm, with the added bonus of drawing another one of those pretty sounds out of him.

He worked Simon like that for a few minutes, a single finger thrusting in and out at a slow but not lazy pace. He encouraged Simon through it all, giving him praise and kissing everywhere he could reach.

Once Simon was a whimpering puddle underneath him he checked in, “You feel nice and relaxed baby, do you want to try to take another finger?”

Simon’s whining paused for a moment, a bit of uncertainly crossing his expression. Johnny continued, “Don’t have to love. Only if you want. You are doing so good for me, got nice and relaxed around this finger, I know you could take another. I know you could make the stretch, but if you don’t want to then I can continue just like this.”

“I- I want to try,” he said, trailing off like he wanted to say more.

Johnny nodded encouragingly, “Sounds like there is a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence. Tell me love.”

“But I tensed up so bad last time you put a finger in me I don’t want to do that again. You make it feel so good and I don’t want to go backwards. I just don’t want to take away your hard work.”

Johnny’s expression softened, “You’re not taking away anything love. It’s ok to tense up. You relaxed last time, right?”

“Right,” was his soft reply.

“So by that logic even if you tense up again, you’ll relax. If it feels good and you want to keep going I want to keep going,” Johnny leaned up and gave him a quick kiss, “And it will never be hard work when it’s with you love.”

He nodded, “Please Johnny.”

Johnny put more lube on his fingers, they were more slippery than a damn seal at this point and that was exactly how he wanted it. He gently pressed two fingers into him. He could feel his sphincter give as Simon took a deep breath. It was a bit of a stretch but he knew Simon could take it. He worked in gently and in no time at all he had both fingers fully seated in the man.

“Good job Simon,” he exclaimed, proud of the man, “You did great. If it’s alright with you I think I’ve kept you waiting long enough.”

Simon just moaned and Johnny took that as a solid go ahead to start fingering the man slowly. He thrust his fingers in and out of the man’s tight heat. Letting himself finally enjoy the feeling of him wrapped around his fingers.

He let out a groan of his own seeing his cock jump as he brushed against his prostate. Fuck he was so beautiful. The little whimpers and whines were pouring out of him like a fountain. Johnny loved those sounds with his whole being.

He slowly picked up the pace of his fingers and he fucked into him. Mouth coming up to engulf his cock. Simon let out a deep moan as his hips twitched. The move was involuntary and indecisive, like his body didn’t know if it wanted to grind down on his fingers or thrust up into his mouth.

He just moved with the motion, never stopping what he was doing. He tasted precum on his tongue and moaned around his cock. It was salty and just Simon in a way that he really couldn’t explain. He had never loved the taste of cum, not much of a swallower if he was being honest. Yet if it was Simon he didn’t think he would mind.

He curled his fingers as he worked the man up and up. He could hear the pitch of his moans change, felt his balls start to draw up and he knew the man was close.

Johnny scissored his fingers, gently stretching the man as he got closer and closer to the edge. He relished in the way that Simon was writhing in pleasure beneath him, took pride in the fact that he had put the man in such a state.

He watched, awestruck at the expression on his face. He was beautiful, eyes squeezed closed, cheeks burning red, mouth hanging open letting out those sinful sounds of pleasure. This is exactly what Johnny had been picturing and somehow it was still a million times better than he could have ever imagined.

He moaned around Simon’s cock when his hand fisted into his mohawk. Johnny didn’t mind as he was held in place as Simon’s thighs shook. With one final curl of his fingers, he came in Johnny’s mouth. He swallowed it quickly, not willing to waste it, but also not willing to have it sit in his mouth for too long either.

He worked Simon through it, gently sucking his cock, slow strokes of his fingers. The man trembled beneath him, expression dazed as he stared up at the ceiling. Johnny slowly started to remove himself from Simon and the man let out a little whimper.

Letting his softening cock fall from his mouth, Johnny crawled up the bed to Simon. He wrapped himself over the man, keeping most of his weight off him, but still boxing him in securely.

Simon’s arms immediately wound around Johnny as he hugged him back. He tilted them softly to the side, facing each other on a level surface. No one on top now.

Johnny pressed a sweet kiss to Simon’s nose as he blinked open his eyes, “That feel good sweetheart?”

Lovestruck was the only way that he could describe the way that Simon looked at him as he responded, “I never knew it could feel that good. It has never felt like that, not even when I do it myself.”

He smiled, “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

Johnny sat there quietly, stroking Simon’s sides gently as he began to get control of his breathing. He watched those pretty eyes as his lashes fluttered. Every once in a while, a shiver would wrack through his body, as if his orgasm was still giving him aftershocks.

He gave Simon all the time in the world as he came down from that high. He just pressed in close and held him tight. He didn’t ask anything of Simon, couldn’t even figure what it would be at this point. The man had been so perfect for him, everything he had ever wanted.

Soon enough Simon was starting to settle and Johnny got him to take a drink from the glass he had set out earlier. After placing the glass back Simon snuggled closer to Johnny, hands dropping to his waist.

He fiddled with the band of his sweatpants, seemingly thinking something over. Simon was staring intensely at Johnny’s bare chest. He grasped his chin with gentle fingers, pulling him up to bring their gazes together. He pressed a kiss to his forehead, “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

He was still fidgeting with the waist band of his sweatpants, “I want to ask for more.”

Johnny’s heart could have exploded with how happy the admission made him. He kept his expression as neutral and kind as he could without looking manic, “You’re allowed to ask for more Si, I’ll do my best to give you anything you want. Anything I’m comfortable with.”

Simon nodded but still hesitated to say anything. He didn’t blame the man, he knew that one night wasn’t going to be able to heal the trauma that he had endured, he was ready to face all of it, ready to be with this man to try and heal anything he could. He waited patiently, his hand resting against his cheek, thumb slowly stroking along the bone there.

Simon considered him, slowly putting the words together like they were pieces to the puzzle, carefully selecting what he wanted to say. As if he could ever say the wrong thing to Johnny, he knew that it was impossible, but he didn’t want to rush the man so he stayed silent.

“Thank you for showing me that it doesn’t have to hurt.”

Johnny blinked, that hadn’t been what he was expecting him to say, “Of course my love, you’re welcome.”

He wasn’t done though, “I liked it, I think you did a good job. And- and I’m not saying that you didn’t do what you were supposed to. I just still feel…”

The man broke off with a frustrated huff and Johnny’s brows pinched in concern. Simon was saying that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but it still looked like there was something he was missing, “Tell me Si, just start throwing out words and we can put them together as a team, yeah?”

Simon growled, pulling Johnny closer, his cock hard and hot even through Johnny’s sweatpants. Oh, that might be the cause of all this. He didn’t understand the frustration, but he listened as Simon spoke, “You did everything better than anyone ever has but it wasn’t enough. I feel like I need more. Greedy, I feel greedy and ungrateful and I-”

“Can I interject Simon,” he cut in quickly before the man spiraled.

He took the subsequent silence as permission, “You’re not greedy for wanting more. You’re allowed to have a sex drive. Hell, I know I certainly could go more than one round just thinking about you, not to mention now that you are actually here. I wasn’t going to ask for any more tonight because I didn’t want to push you too far. I want to go as far as you want to go.”

Simon’s response was immediate, “I want you to fuck me.”

Johnny smiled kissing him passionately. Their tongues danced and he groaned into it briefly before breaking away.

“I think I might have a better idea. How about you lay your pretty head down on my pillow and I make love to you? Nice and slow? How does that sound sweetheart?”

Simon’s pupils were blown wide, his anxiety melting away at Johnny’s words. He moved to lay on his back as he spoke, tone light and teasing, “If you keep talking like that I might have to stab you for being so sweet.”

Johnny just chuckled as he took his spot over the man, “You like me too much for that.”

“Might be a bit more than like Johnny.”

He perked right up at that, “Yeah?”

Simon gave him a little peck on the lips, “C’mon Johnny, I know for a fact that you haven’t touched yourself all night. Gotta be killing you at this point. I want you, I want it all.”

He shook his head. A shiver ran up his spine. The man was right, he hadn’t touched himself all night. His erection had been left hard and wanting, confined in his sweatpants all night. He was fine with that, tonight wasn’t about him. But now that attention was drawn to his own howling arousal it was hard to ignore.

His vision almost blurred with how hard his arousal hit him. He shucked off his sweatpants and boxers in one movement, kicking them off of the bed to get lost on the floor. He grabbed his cock and Simon’s in his fist, rutting up against the man and letting out an animalistic growl.

“Simon the things you fucking do to me, fucking hell, you are so beautiful. Gonna make you feel good darling. Gonna show you that you are all mine. My Simon, my Ghost, my boyfriend, my love. All mine. Gonna let me do that darling? Gonna let me take you nice and sweet?”

He littered kisses to the man’s neck between his fevered words. Between the attention to his neck, his cock, and from his words, Simon was a writhing mess beneath him. He was whimpering with need as he spoke, “Yes, Johnny please. All yours, want you to show me. Please.”

“Do you want me to use a condom love?”

Simon blinked up at him for a moment, that lovestruck expression back in his eyes, “Would yo- yes. Thank you, Johnny.”

He dropped a kiss to his forehead before grabbing a condom from the drawer and rolling it onto himself, “Proud of you Simon, so good at telling me what you want. Such a sweet boy.

Simon let out a little moan at his words and Johnny didn’t waste any time in grabbing the bottle of lube where it had been discarded earlier. He slicked his hand and then his cock in short order. He lined himself up with Simon’s entrance before holding himself there and leveling with Simon.

He looked into those pretty eyes and spoke softly, “You sure love? I only want this if it’s what you want.”

Simon nodded, “I want you Johnny, please.”

“Anything for you,” he dipped his head and sealed his mouth over Simon’s in a passionate kiss. His lips moved slowly over the other’s. Their tongues danced sensually.

Then slow as he could, he pressed in as he kissed his lover. He was as gentle as possible. Simon’s mouth parted in a pleasured gasp, air rushing between them. His eyes rolled back slightly at the feeling of Johnny entering him, hot and thick.

He moved slowly, watching carefully for any sign of discomfort. Even as he bottomed out, all he saw in the other man’s face was pleasure. Fully seated he let himself feel just how good he felt. The warmth around his length, the slick channel all around him. This must be what heaven feels like. He could die happy like this.

Johnny’s thoughts started to pour out of him, “I bet that feels good doesn’t it, Si. No one else does it like me. No one else could make you feel this good. Fuck all of them for hurting you, this is how it’s supposed to feel.”

Simon let out a pleased whimper, nails raking down his back, as he startled to slowly thrust into the man. He whined and whimpered at the feeling of Johnny, he looked overwhelmed but very pleased. Simon was holding on for dear life as Johnny was having the time of his life.

“Such a good boy, just like that. Just let me make love to you. That’s what you deserve sweet boy. Deserve to be taken care of, deserve all the love in the world. I’ll give it all to you, I’ll give you anything you want. I just want to take care of you. Holy shit Si you feel so fucking good.”

Simon’s moans turned higher, and he thrust in and out slowly, dragging against his prostate with every stroke. He could feel the almost frantic hands clutching at him and he couldn’t say that he felt any different, “You getting close sweetheart? You gonna cum of me?”

“Yes,” he was breathless, eyes desperate, “Yes, Johnny, gonna- ah gonna cum for you. Just for you. You feel so good, don’t stop. Please don’t stop, want you to cum in me.”

Johnny couldn’t help the way that his hips snapped into the man at those words. He couldn’t keep his control and the hard thrusts seemed to set Simon off. He was a whining, moaning mess and it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen. He slowed his pace, knowing if he kept that up he would be finishing a lot sooner than he wanted to. It was already going to be quick.

Suddenly, Simon’s back was arching off the bed. His eyes rolling back as the most delectable moan was ripped out of his throat. His body clamped down on Johnny and he lost his control again. Thrusts turning just a touch harder at the feeling of Simon’s tight passage clenching around him.

It was a chain reaction, he watched Simon cum so beautifully beneath him, covering his stomach with his cum and suddenly Johnny was powerless to hold back his own orgasm. He gasped as he finished in the man. He fucked into him slowly until just before either of them were overstimulated.

Panting harshly, he pulled out and did his best to collapse only partially on top of the man. With the way Simon’s arms came up to wrap around him he didn’t think that he minded all that much.

He pressed breathless kisses to the man’s neck and the side of his face that he could reach. Even going so far as to lick the line of his jawbone.

Simon giggle, honest to god giggled, at the attention. It warmed Johnny’s heart as he continued to shower the man with attention. He loved that sound and he would prove to Simon just how much he loved him through words or otherwise.

The blond let out a satisfied sigh and started to turn into Johnny. He was stopped by a quick hand on his shoulder, “Hold on love, let me clean you up before any of that.”

Simon laid back down, seeming to see the mess for the first time just then, “Oh, sorry.”

Johnny dropped a quick kiss to his forehead before getting up, “Don’t apologize my love. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Just give me a moment.”

It really did only take him a moment before he was back on the bed with Simon, a wet warm rag cleaning up the mess of cum on his stomach and lube between his thighs. After placing the cloth in the hamper, he crawled back into bed with him.

He pulled Simon into his side and the man went willingly, humming contentedly. Johnny laid him against his side, fingers stroking against his spine, “How are you feeling sweetheart?”

Simon’s eyes had already drooped closed but he knew that he wasn’t asleep quite yet. His voice soft as he responded, “I feel good, safe. Don’t usually stick around after things like this, or I guess they don’t usually stick around. But right now, I can’t imagine anywhere else I want to be.”

Johnny’s heart clenched. He could hardly imagine what kind of person would do that. Fuck Simon with no prep and then just leave him alone, drunk, and in pain after they got what they wanted. He squeezed the man just a bit tighter, those days were over now. Simon would never be treated like that again, he would make sure of it.

“I’ll always keep you safe Si.”

“I know you will Johnny, one of the reasons why I love you.”

Johnny’s breath caught in his throat. He wasn’t expecting the man to say that, how could he even have prepared for that. The mass on his chest turned boneless as Simon slipped into comfortable sleep. Johnny pressed a kiss to the blond fluff at the top of his head, “I love you too Simon, I’ll always love you.”

Notes:

I just want y'all to know that I appreciate your comments so much! This fic has been near and dear to my heart and I hope that all the softness came through how it was supposed to. Everyone deserves someone soft and gentle with them like Johnny is with Simon.

I feel like I could still do more with it but not quite sure what that would look like or if anyone would be interested in reading it. So if anyone wants a continuation let me know what you may be interested in seeing. Anyway hope y'all liked this chapter, love y'all.

Chapter 4: Author's Note and Sneak Peak!

Summary:

Not a new chapter, but a little author's note and a sneak peak at the sequel to this story!

Hey everyone, a good bit of y’all really liked this work and to be honest I’m not ready to be done with it either because I love it. So I just wanted to post a little update that there will now be a part 2 to this work. I’m sure you can now see that this is part of a series. I’m planning on posting the first chapter later today so stay tuned for that. I just have a couple more edits to work on before it goes up.

Thank you to everyone who commented on this story already, I hope you all know that I read every single comment and they never fail to make my day. Also y’all 100% inspired the sequel that is about to come so if you have any other suggestions I am open to just about everything.

Anyway here is a little preview of chapter one of Saying Yes (And Sometimes No)…

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Johnny made him feel safe, he knew he was allowed to ask for what he wanted. He knew that he was allowed to ask for more and if Johnny could, he would give it to him.

His boyfriend was always supportive. He still remembered the first time he had tried to ask to have Johnny fuck him on his own initiation. Remembered how shaky he was, how timid. As if Johnny would think him a freak for wanting to have sex with no explanation other than the fact that he wanted it.

But he hadn’t thought any of those things, he had just smiled and guided Simon back to his room. He had sat Simon down before even touching him. They talked about what they wanted, talked about what they were going to do. Then they made love on Simon’s bed, soft and sweet.

Simon still smiled at the memory, it was a good one. He also remembered the first time Johnny had said that he didn’t want to do anything one night. Simon had tried to initiate that evening. They had just gotten back from a mission, he had felt the buzzing of adrenaline in his veins.

He had pushed Johnny up against the wall, asked him to make love to him. Johnny had kissed him sweetly, but held his hips tight, not letting Simon grind against him the way he was desperate for.

Once again Johnny had guided them back to one of their private rooms before explaining to him that he couldn’t tonight. There was too much adrenaline in him. He was too keyed up to do something like that at the moment.

Simon had instantly drawn back into himself, worried that he had pushed too far. All of his insecurities rushing back in an instant. He mentally scolded himself, he should have known, he shouldn’t have pushed Johnny.

He didn’t get far before Johnny was pulling him back. He explained that Simon had done nothing wrong. He told him how proud he was that Simon asked for what he wanted. He told him how he didn’t trust himself to love Simin the way he wanted to love him.

Johnny explained that as much as he wanted to make love to Simon, he couldn’t right now. He talked Simon through it until they both calmed down. They talked about how both of them felt. He told Simon that there was nothing wrong with asking as long as he was ok with getting a yes or a no as his answer. Just like Johnny always asked him and was fully prepared for a yes or a no, there were no wrong answers with them.

They talked about different things they could do instead. Johnny gave him options of things to do together, things Simon could do on his own. In the end, they had decided that they wanted to go on a walk together. They had walked in the shadows at the perimeter of the base for kilometers. They walked hand in hand, lapping the base until they were dead on their feet, adrenaline from the mission faded. They fell into bed together and passed out in each others arms.

Those and countless other situations that had left Simon reeling but still feeling safe. It all added up to his current situation. Everything had led up the conversation that he was currently mulling over in his head. The conversation that he wanted to have with Johnny.

 

......More to follow in Saying Yes (And Sometimes No)

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of No Wrong Answers