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Soda combs a hand through Ponyboy’s bleach blond hair and presses a kiss to the top of his head.
It was still so surreal that they had him back, that his little brother was home and safe, bruised, but otherwise unharmed, and it was a sort of balm to his heart that after all those days apart that he could hold him in his arms again with the silent vow to never let any harm come to him ever again, though he knows how impossible that will be. Just by being himself, Ponyboy seems to attract trouble, and the church was just one example.
How close they’d come to losing him! What if it had been Pony who’d broken his back and come home covered in third degree burns? What if it had been Pony in the hospital for days on end? It could just as easily have been he and Darry who were told that Pony had only days to live. Soda couldn’t bear it, and he knew neither could Darry. Not after mom and dad, but really there wasn’t any circumstance Soda could think of that would make their little brother’s death any sort of bearable.
But it wasn’t Ponyboy who those things had happened to. It was Johnny. And as agonizing as it was, Johnny wasn’t Ponyboy, and he never would be. No one could ever hope to take their baby brother’s place, and though they loved Johnny like a brother, it wasn’t the same, wouldn’t be the same as losing Pony. They will continue to mourn, and grieve, but in the end, they will survive, because he, and Darry, and Ponyboy had each other. That was the thought he had to hold onto.
Ponyboy lets out a sleepy sigh, nestling impossibly closer to Soda. “Soda,” his little brother says, voice muffled, and Soda smiles, one of few genuine smiles since this whole mess started.
“I’m here, honey, go back to sleep.”
Ponyboy doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Soda thinks briefly that he’s fallen back asleep. But finally, he lifts his head, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes.
“Where’s Darry?” He asks softly.
Soda opens his mouth, ready to reply that their older brother is only in the next room, sound asleep like he should be, when there’s a voice from the doorway.
“Right here.”
Both he and Ponyboy look up at the sound of Darry’s voice.
“What are you doing up?” Soda asks. For Darry to not be asleep at close to one in the morning is exceedingly rare, and Soda’s first instinct is to assume something is wrong.
But Darry just smiles softly and says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “I came to check on my little brothers.”
Ponyboy sits up slowly and positions himself so that he’s leaning his head on Soda’s shoulder. “Come here,” he says to Darry, making a hand motion for him to sit at the edge of the bed.
Darry’s grin only grows, and it’s so nice, Soda thinks, to see that fond look on his face. It makes him look younger than his twenty years. It takes him back to the time when his brother didn’t have endless bills to pay and two extra mouths to feed. When their parents were alive, it was simply he and Pony and Darry, there was no need for anything else. Because they had the gang, of course, but before them, they had each other.
Darry seems happy to oblige Ponyboy’s request for him to come closer, and he sits on Pony’s side of the bed, angling himself so he can see both of them. He reaches out a hand to brush a stray strand of hair out of his youngest brother’s eyes. It’s such a gentle, kind touch, that Soda’s heart melts a little. How long has it been since they’ve been close like this?
It finally feels like the tension between Ponyboy and Darry has dissipated. True to their words the two of them don’t fight anymore. Argue sometimes? Yes, but it’s shades away from how it used to be, and Soda doesn’t think the three of them have ever been closer.
“You should be asleep, kiddo,” Darry says softly. “You’ve got school tomorrow.”
Ponyboy laughs quietly, and even in the dark, Soda can see the little upturn at the corner of his lips. He gets a mischievous look in his half-lidded eyes. “Yeah, well if Soda didn’t snore so loud, maybe I could.”
A laugh bubbles up out of his throat, and Soda pushes him playfully, though he immediately wraps his fingers around his arm to steady him. “I wasn’t even asleep yet! Maybe you’re the one who snores.”
Darry cuts in, addressing Soda before Ponyboy can reply. “And you too, little buddy, you’ve got work tomorrow.”
“What about you Dar? You gotta work tomorrow too,” Soda points out, though he can’t quite stifle a yawn as he lays back down, pulling Ponyboy with him with a hand on his shoulder.
It appears his yawn is contagious, and Darry yawns too, taking some of the credibility from his words. “I’ll be fine, it’s Pony I’m worried about. I know how moody he can get when he doesn’t get enough sleep.”
Ponyboy gives the impression of being offended. “Stop it, Dar, I do not.” He says the words in a slightly whiny tone that makes him sound younger than his age.
Darry ruffles Pony’s already sleep mussed hair, and Soda doesn’t miss how his little brother leans into the touch. “Yeah, you do, kiddo. Now get some sleep, okay?”
Their older brother makes to get up, and Ponyboy, Soda watches with amusement, snags the hem of Darry’s shirt before he can. “Stay with us?” Ponyboy asks, tiredness making his words slur together slightly.
Darry chuckles but is careful to keep his volume low as Ponyboy’s eyes slip closed. “This bed is barely big enough for you and Soda, let alone me.”
“Please?” Ponyboy mumbles.
“Yeah, please, Dar?” Soda adds, giving his best puppy dog eyes. It seems to work, because Darry nods after a moment of deliberation, nudging Pony gently so as to get him to scoot over. Ponyboy does, shifting further into Soda’s side, elbow digging uncomfortably into his ribs, but the kid looks far too tired for Soda to ask him to move.
This time, Pony rolls over to rest his head against Darry’s shoulder. “I love you guys,” he says, the words whispered.
Soda’s eyes shift to find Darry’s and they share a smile. Ponyboy is rarely so open about what he’s feeling, guarded, even more so since Johnny and Dally died, and it’s something that Soda desperately wishes he can break him of. But Pony will have to do that on his own, it’ll happen naturally, at least he hopes it will.
“We love you too, baby. Go to sleep now, will ya?” Darry says, giving Ponyboy’s forehead a kiss of his own.
It doesn’t take long for him to drift off to sleep after that, and soon the sound of Pony’s quiet, even breaths fill the air.
He looks so young, Soda thinks, far too young to have been through everything that he had. All his life, Soda's wanted nothing more than to preserve his little brother's innocence, to protect it, and the weight of that failure is almost crippling in its intensity.
Soda’s face must have reflected his thoughts, because Darry breaks the silence with a quiet, “It’s alright, little brother, he’s alright.”
And Soda supposes he is, sandwiched between his brothers, the only real family he has left though he knows how the kid looks up to Two Bit and Steve. “I know, I just worry about him, ya know? He’s different now.”
“I know,” Darry says equally as quietly so as not to wake their little brother. “But he’s got us.” After a pause, he continues. “And you’ve got us, Soda. If you ever need anything, I’m here. Pony’s here for you too. Kid would do anything for you.”
Soda nods with a watery smile, because he knows. Either of his brothers would bring him the moon if only he’d ask, and it goes without saying that he would do the same for them.
They lapse into silence after that, both content to let Ponyboy sleep, and before he knows it, Soda’s own eyes are fluttering closed. The last thing he hears is the reassuring sound of Darry and Pony’s breathing and the last thing he feels is the warmth of contentment in his chest as he falls asleep.