Chapter Text
April blossoms gently tumble as Tane Ueda approaches the front gates of Iwakura Elementary School. Proudly sporting a deep blue randoseru backpack and a huge smile from ear to ear. Nestled inside a matching bento box, a gently wrapped rice ball with a note that says “ganbatte, Tane-kun!” from Yukata-nee-san waits as a surprise. Minoru can’t help but feel a tug on his chest as his father gently gives him a nod, then follows Tane into the gates of his new elementary school for the first time. Six years old, fiercely energetic and brave. Ready to conquer his next challenge. Ready to embrace the next step of independence.
It sounds familiar, Minoru laments, as he pivots on his heel towards the train station. With two years left on his university degree, it feels like time to embrace his own independence.
His mother’s death still leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth, but the sharpness is mellowing over time, as cliché as that sounds. Without her passing, Minoru might never have met Yutaka. Might never have met him twice. Clutching his backpack strap in his right hand, Minoru pauses at the river just before the train station, glancing in the water at his reflection. His blond roots fading into caramel. Minoru vows to bleach them again this weekend.
The train ride is becoming familiar. Although his first day commuting back to Tokushima University after a year hiatus, he’s had many reasons to venture towards the city centre again. Through the cooler winter months, wrapped in a scarf, Minoru made familiar with the streets around Kamojima, where Yutaka’s one-bedroom apartment is nestled a few blocks south of the Yoshino River. Nearby, they had had grabbed a pizza from a shop nearby and walked along the riverbank, perching near the river to watch the reflections dance in the water from the cars crossing the bridge. “There’s no way corn belongs on pizza!” Minoru had argued, flicking picked-off corn kernels at Yutaka when he tried to defend his choice.
The first night Minoru stayed out until last train with Yutaka, he felt the obligation to get home to Tane. A pit in his stomach as he worried about his then-five year-old brother. Tane, more mature than he should have been, grinned in his sleepy state as Minoru tucked him in. “Nee-san is happy seeing Yukata, I am happy too.”
His father had placated him too. “You know, I’m always going to be your father, but you are also in your twenties. You do not have to come home every night like this, and it is my job to handle Tane’s reacting and understanding of your situation. I will always have your back.”
Minoru’s face went crimson as he scuttled back to his room, sliding the door shut and sinking to the floor, heart pounding his ribcage. He knows that his father chose those words because he’s not ready to say them himself, and his father is respecting his choice. Minoru is very, very thankful for his father.
However, there was a lot that his father assumed was happening within their relationship that wasn’t.
But that didn’t mean Minoru was not interested. Far, far from it. Butterflies in his stomach every time he had a thought about their future selves intertwining. So many pockets of excitement, and as many of anxiety as their actions face consequences, no matter how unjust.
Minoru snapped his attention back to his walk, standing ready on the platform. He boarded his train and watched the fields of Tokushima disappear into the distance behind traditional townhouses, which slowly turned into dense apartments with parks and neon signs nestled within the gaps. He smiled as he saw Kamojima light up on the next stop board. Tonight, he would be stopping by Yutaka’s place on the way home to share a curry before heading back home to get an earful of Tane’s first day at elementary. The year had really been a devastating see-saw of emotions, so Minoru appreciated being on an upswing.
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It was an innocent question, after the stock-standard self-introductions. Naturally, dropping out of university meant not graduating with your peers. So, Minoru had shuffled around being polite during lectures and smiling gently at people who did a double take. Mildly recognising his face from campus prior, but before his mother passed, Minoru did not have the same surfer-bleached hair. Minoru felt comfortable in his skin, but this wasn’t something he’d levelled with yet.
“…and what about you, Ueno-San?” a girl within the group asked. They’d been discussing their histories, which had flowed into relationships. “You were dating before you took your year off if I remember correctly. Nao-Senpai?” Minoru shifted in his seat uncomfortably as she continued “…did you end up breaking things off? Are you single now?”
Minoru was taken aback by her brazenness. He took a moment to consider what her angle was before stuttering. “Oh. Yeah. It…I wish her the best.” He picked a grape out of his bento box (that Tane-kun had helped construct the night before after lessons from Yutaka) to distract himself.
“So, are you single now, then?” She leaned in, and Minoru realised she was flirting with him.
“Oh, uh. Sorry.” He felt a lump form in his throat. “I uh. Not dating. Yet. Oh I don’t…it’s…” he felt his words falling out of his mouth clumsily.
“Complicated?” another asked gently. Minoru scratched the back of his head and nodded, hoping to pass the heat onto a different person at the table.
The notion had sat on the front of his mind. Sometimes, he’d thought about whether he was labelling himself, or his relationship with Yutaka. They hadn’t discussed it. It was an open secret, Minoru supposed. His father knew. Tane-kun knew. Others in their wider communities may have picked it up if they’d observed closely. But they had the tolerance, or at least the decorum, of being supportive of Minoru and Yutaka. He remembered when Yutaka and him shared the onsen on the night of their anniversary. The way his father had taken Tane-kun away to leave them to address the misunderstanding. But more importantly upon reflection, Minoru realised, to give them time to be.
Whatever that meant. Minoru felt himself blush. Meniscus lapping against Yutaka’s pale sternum. Droplets of water clinging to the tips of his hair. Despite being salty at Yutaka then, he still stored those glimpses in his memory.
It hadn’t been a difficult concept for Minoru to understand, but he spent a while slowly unpacking it. Yutaka was the first person he had felt such a strong attraction to, and the first male he’d lingered his gaze upon. For months, Minoru had considered how platonic attraction and sexual attraction worked. He wondered if the feelings for Yutaka had been platonic, and if he were projecting the concept of physical attraction onto the emotional attraction. The kiss had felt nice. It had felt freeing. But it didn’t seem like the kisses he’d seen on TV or heard about from his friends. But all doubts were quashed when Yutaka had pulled his body out from the onsen, and the water trailing between his shoulder blades and down the small of his back…Minoru had to rip his eyes away, choosing to distract himself with an ice-cold shower.
But still. To label it. To verbally acknowledge it. Minoru knew that one day the question would come up. He had just hoped for a little more time, and a little less pressure. But it’s only natural for relationships to be a hot topic as you graduate university, Minoru supposed.
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Yutaka has neatly placed his shoes in his genkan and put on the rice cooker. Minoru messaged to say he’s on his way, and Yutaka is feeling a little bit of anxiety mixed with glee. He paces, rearranges a stack of magazines. Refolds the scarf that Minoru gave him for Christmas on top of his dresser…the same scarf he got Minoru, he remembers fondly.
His heart is pounding as he hears a familiar knock on his door.
“Coming~” Yutaka calls, smoothing his clothes with his palms as he shuffles to the door. Yutaka opens the door to a bashful Minoru, backpack slung over one shoulder, small supermarket bag in his right hand.
“Hello!” Yutaka greets softly but brightly. Minoru lets out a breath before a small grin appears. A sparkle in his eyes greets Yutaka back. He’s still in his work clothes, though he has unbuttoned his top button, folded the tie and put his keys on top on a small table by the door. Everything in Yutaka’s house seems efficient.
“Busy day?” Minoru asks, as Yutaka grabs the bag off him. Unpacking the bag, Yutaka puts the two cans of beer in his refrigerator to drink with dinner and inspects the small bag of chocolate-covered strawberries. “Uh, yeah, those are delicious,” Minoru dismisses as if it is not a big deal. Yutaka grins at the thoughtfulness.
“The same as usual. But nice now you’re here. The curry won’t be too far away.”
“Ah,” Minoru slides his shoes off and puts a spare pair of slippers on as he steps into Yutaka’s kitchen. Minoru’s fleeting thought rests on the fact that these are new. And much closer to his size. Yutaka must have bought them for him to wear.
Yutaka already has a toothbrush from the time Minoru stayed at Christmas. And a hoodie that Minoru left behind on an early spring afternoon before they went to pick up Tane. Little glimpses of Minoru’s influence on his life blossoming in pockets.
That feeling from the morning reappears in Minoru’s stomach.
Minoru pads over to the table, and sits down, reaching to grab an architectural magazine from the bookshelf. He thumbs through the pages as his mind races. Yutaka’s spent hours taking notes from this magazine, uniformly neat tabs lining the pages with annotations. It almost feels intimate, seeing the way his brain works and learns.
“It’s ready!” Yutaka calls from the kitchen, as he delivers two piping-hot Japanese curry dishes. The sauce leftover from yesterday, the pork cutlets from the supermarket on the way home. Yukata pops back a moment later with the beers, squatting to sit diagonal to Minoru. If Yukata reaches out, he could brush the hair out of Minoru’s eyes, but instead he opens the can and smiles as it fizzes.
“Thank you so much, this looks fantastic!” Minoru lights up, forgetting his wandering mind and focussing on the steaming curry, a hint of spice, and generous helpings of Tokushima rice. Minoru claps his hands together and says “itadakimasu” before blowing once on the spoon and taking a mouthful. “As always, Yutaka, this is goddamn delicious!”
Yutaka beams. “Thank you Minoru.” The smile makes Minoru’s body feel warm, the conversation that follows fills his soul as the curry fills his stomach. Yutaka has recently begun filling him in on small workplace snippets. And Minoru’s noticed that Yutaka’s saying yes to more social events. Just recently, Yutaka networked through an enkai, and has a business card from a director who said “if you ever need a change…you’ve got talent, kid.” Yutaka grins. It feels like the world pauses, then bursts into colour.
It’s so cliché, Minoru thinks, as Yutaka bounces into the kitchen with the leftover dishes and begins to soak them. He doesn’t want to pull his eyes away, so he doesn’t. Until he snaps back and realises.He’s just been staring at Yutaka. Like, he looked at him. He glanced at him. But it has never escalated to staring. Minoru’s brain flicks to the conversation at university earlier in the day. If not genuine attraction, then what do you call feeling like this?
Minoru checks his phone, noticing a message from his father.
“Fantastic first day at Elementary School. He’s passed out. Don’t worry about rushing home…don’t worry about coming home if you’ve got other plans.”
Minoru’s face brightens, and he drops his phone.
“Oh, are you okay?” Yutaka asks, noticing the weird behaviour.
“Yes, yes, I’m okay. It’s nothing!” Minoru defends unconvincingly.
Yukata smiles to himself, which makes Minoru feel exposed. “Alright. I’m going to change into some comfortable clothes if you don’t mind,” Yutaka replies, grabbing a pile of clothes from the end of his bed. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
Minoru gulps. Perhaps going home early is a good idea tonight. There’s still a lot they haven’t talked about. They hold hands sometimes, and have kissed since then, a few times, when it’s felt right. But there’s always been a line, and Minoru isn’t sure if he’s ready, or if Yutaka’s ready, or how they even broach that subject?
Because Minoru is playing out every possible option available to him in the five minutes between Yutaka doing his evening skincare routine and getting into loungewear. Whether he is going to plant his ass down and face this head on, or buy some time and unpack the feelings building in a considered way. Which is not his strong suit. But neither are emotions and relationships. Either way, Minoru is fucked.