Chapter Text
“Daddy, wake up,” Christopher said in a too-loud whisper. He heard giggles beside and above him. He pretended to be asleep a little longer.
“Hey Chris,” Buck said, mischief dripping from his voice, “Dad’s ticklish right?”
Eddie sat up quickly, pulling the blanket tighter around himself.
“I’m up. I’m up,” Eddie grumbled in fond annoyance, fighting his smile,“no need to resort to war crimes.”
Buck laughed, and leaned in threateningly towards Eddie’s bare feet. Eddie snatched them under the covers.
“Don’t you dare,” Eddie growled. Challenge flashed across Buck’s face, and in a flash he ripped the blanket away and had Eddie thrashing under him to get away from the assault on his waist. Christopher’s laugh bounced off the walls of the bedroom, and the traitor joined in, climbing up on the bed with them. Buck eased up, not wanting Chris to be on the receiving end of one of Eddie’s flying limbs. Chris curled up against Eddie’s side, resting his head on his dad’s chest. Buck looked down at Eddie with a soft smile. He leaned in, his lips ghosting over Eddie’s…
Eddie instantly wished he could return to his dream. His skin itched. He shifted in discomfort and sniffed only to discover the powdery substance that coated his skin also lined his nostrils. He fought very hard against the sneeze that built in his chest. Eddie may have still been lingering at the edge of unconsciousness, but he was aware enough to know sneezing would hurt like hell. He forced slow breaths through his nose to help wake him up. Eddie opened his eyes slowly. He had to blink a few times to be sure they were really open because the world was pitch black. He fought against the disorientation and allowed his other senses to filter in. The smell of smoke and concrete. The taste of blood on his tongue. The feeling of heaviness against his lower half. The sound of…well the sound of a lot of things. The groan of the unstable structure around him. His own haggard breathing. His radio squawking far too close to his ear.
The words of his captain were barely understandable through the static.
“Diaz … -uckley … come i- …,” Bobby’s voice came through. The panic was clear in his captain’s voice, and Eddie briefly wondered how long he’d been unconscious. It was a great effort for him to get his fingers to cooperate enough to hold down the key on his radio. They were stiff and heavy, much like the rest of his body.
“Bobby,” Eddie wheezed, finally managing to hold down the button, “Diaz here. Trapped by some sort of-”
Eddie broke off into a set of painful coughs, and Bobby’s transmission continued. There was no indication that he heard Eddie’s reply. Eddie fought the panic rising in his throat and focused on taking stock of his injuries. He could feel everything, wiggle his toes, count to 20, recite the president’s name. That was all promising. But, he couldn’t take a deep breath. From what he could tell in the darkness, the slab of concrete that laid across his thighs, pinning him in place, caught the bottom of his turnout coat, pulling it uncomfortably tight around his chest. He was stuck. He fought to suck air in, his panic worsening his breathing, but he started to feel lightheaded.
“Eddie,” a voice called softly from just across him. A voice he was intimately familiar with. One he had heard on an almost daily basis for the past few years. Buck’s voice. But, that didn’t make sense. Buck already left the building. Didn’t he? Eddie was pretty sure he did.
“Buck?”
“Yeah, it's me Eds,” Buck said, his voice soothing the jagged edges of Eddie’s thoughts, “take slow breaths, as deep as you can okay. You can’t panic.”
“I’m stuck,” Eddie said, his voice taking on a higher tone. He was trapped, and he couldn’t see and-
“I know,” Buck interrupted Eddie’s thoughts, “but I don’t think you’re seriously injured. They’re coming for us, just try to relax.”
An anxious laugh threatened to bubble out of Eddie at that ridiculous notion. Being pinned under debris wasn’t exactly Eddie’s idea of relaxation. Eddie could barely relax when he was safe at home, Christopher in his arms. Nevertheless, he forced himself to lay back against the uncomfortable rubble and try to breathe. In…two, three…out. Just like Frank taught him.
“What happened?” Eddie asked when he regained a bit of composure.
“You don’t remember?” Buck asked. There was something in Buck’s voice that wasn’t quite right, but Eddie couldn’t figure out what.
Eddie thought back to what he last remembered. Unbearable heat, a crying child, the floor giving way beneath his feet.
“I remember you were carrying the girl out while I went to sweep the rest of the floor,” Eddie replied, trying to make sense of the sequence of events that led them there.
“Yeah,” Buck shifted and sucked in a sharp breath, “well I came back for you, after the first collapse.”
“First collapse?” Realistically Eddie knew that buildings often don’t collapse in one go, but the thought of this god forsaken building falling on him more than once felt like a joke from the universe. Which Eddie definitely doesn’t believe in, thank you very much.
“Partial collapse. The second one happened when we were on our way back out,” Buck explained. Eddie nodded his head, even though Buck had no way of seeing, and his memories started to come back.
“You came back for me?” Eddie asked, irritation pouring out of him.
“Always,” Buck answered, not phased by Eddie’s tone.
“Buck,” Eddie sighed. He didn’t know what it would take to make Buck believe his life had value, but Eddie would never stop trying.
“Eddie, don’t, okay?” Buck said, “there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe.”
He had no argument against that. He would do the exact same thing for Buck. Silence settled between them and Eddie was content to allow it to stay before he realized with a jolt that 9 times out of 10, Buck doesn’t willingly stop talking.
“Hey,” Eddie called from across whatever space they were in, “you’re not sleeping are you? How bad are you hurt?”
A sarcastic huff was his reply.
“Buck-,” Eddie said, a warning in his tone.
“Well a building just collapsed on me, but other than that…” Buck said. Buck always joked when he was trying to deflect.
“Buck,” Eddie bit out, sharper this time.
“Slight concussion. Probably bruised to hell and back,” Buck said finally, the mystery tone back in his voice. If Eddie wasn’t dealing with his own slight concussion, he might’ve picked up on the lie.
“Okay,” Eddie sighed in relief, “no sleeping. Keep talking so I know you’re awake.”
Buck launched into his latest research binge (volcanic snails). Buck slowed his words enough so Eddie’s poor, concussed brain could keep up, but Eddie never questioned why Buck was carefully pacing his words. He should have, it's not like it went unnoticed. Buck’s info dumps were usually spilled as quickly as possible, more often than not, Buck’s words running over each other in his excitement. Eddie adored when Buck turned himself into a stuttering mess with a pretty blush that spread across his cheeks and a bashful smile. Eddie wished he could see him, but hearing him was the next best thing. He allowed himself to get lost in Buck’s words.
****
Eddie had no clue how long they’d been down there, but if he had to guess, it had been a while. Bobby’s calls over the radio lessened in frequency as Buck talked through a dozen different research subjects. But eventually, Buck’s words trailed off and didn’t pick back up again.
“Buck?” Eddie was immediately on edge.
“‘M here,” Buck said so quietly Eddie almost missed it.
“No sleeping, remember?” Eddie said frantically.
Buck chuckled, “I’ve been talking for over an hour Eds, I need to rest my voice.”
“Oh,” Eddie sighed, “yeah, okay.”
Eddie sat for a moment, straining his ears in hopes of hearing rescue efforts. He was met with disappointing silence. It wasn’t long before his restlessness grew, and he shifted, moving his arms around in search of anything within reach. His fingertips grazed the edge of a helmet, his probably.
“Whatcha doing?” Buck asked.
“I think I can reach my helmet,” Eddie said as he strained for the item, finally able to scoot it within reach, “aha got it! Now we can have some light in here.”
Eddie fumbled with the switch on the helmet light.
Buck sucked in a sharp breath when he realized, “No Eddie, don’t.”
It was too late. Buck couldn’t stop what was coming, and neither could Eddie.
The flashlight flooded the small air pocket they were trapped in. Eddie winced at the sudden brightness and allowed his eyes to adjust. When he could finally see, he examined the room around him. His gaze finally landed on a familiar figure. Sitting just a few feet across from him was Buck.
No.
His body was slumped against the wall of rubble, three rods of rebar impaling him through the chest.
No .
Blood pooled beneath his hips and mixed with the concrete dust creating a sickening type of paste.
No .
Already, there was a bit of blood leaking from the corner of Buck’s mouth. His usual sparkling eyes were dull, resigned.
“No,” Eddie choked out, shaking his head as he frantically pawed at the slab of concrete pinning him in vain. He had to get up. He had to get to Buck.
“Eddie,” Buck called, but Eddie didn’t respond. “Eddie, stop. You’re just going to hurt yourself.”
“No no, I need to-,” Eddie tried to get the words out around the tightness in his throat. He needed to fix him. Save him.
“Eddie,” Buck called again, softer this time, “there’s nothing you can do.”
Eddie couldn’t believe that. Buck couldn’t honestly just expect him to give up. To let him…
“Please- please don’t hurt yourself,” Buck pleaded.
“You can’t-,” Eddie cried, “you can’t go.”
Buck smiled softly at him. One of his special ones, the one Hen called his Eddie smile. Eddie knew the image of that bloody smile would haunt him forever. Hot tears trailed down Eddie’s face, blending with the dust and sweat. The slab hadn’t budged an inch, there was no moving it. Eddie had no choice but to give up the fight.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie demanded, “you let me sit here for an hour while you were-”
“Dying?” Buck finished.
“No, no you’re not dying,” Eddie pitifully argued. But he was. Even through the nauseating concoction of pain and panic, Eddie could recognize the amount of blood on the floor wasn’t insignificant.
“I didn’t want you to be upset,” Buck said simply, answering Eddie’s first question. Eddie could identify the tone in his voice now, weakness, exhaustion.
Of course he didn’t, Eddie thought. Buck lay dying and he was still trying to protect Eddie’s feelings.
“You shouldn’t have had to- Buck you need to conserve your energy. How much pain are you in?” Eddie asked.
Buck’s lips quirked up in a sad smile, “It doesn’t hurt anymore. It hasn’t for a while now.”
Eddie knew what that meant. He’d heard many soldiers tell him the same thing, he knew how it ended. Their entire lives reduced to a flag and a funeral. The ache that settled in his chest was worse than any pain he’d ever felt. He’d take getting shot again if he didn’t have to feel this.
“‘M getting tired Eds,” Buck mumbled softly, his eyes fluttering as he fought to stay awake.
“Well too fucking bad,” Eddie growled.
“Are you trying to intimidate my impending death?” Buck asked with amusement in his voice.
“Don’t- don’t say that,” Eddie said, “you can’t die. Please Buck, I- I love you.”
“I love you too,” Buck replied easily. It didn’t come as a surprise to Eddie, he knew Buck loved them. Every part of Eddie’s life had a reflection of Buck’s love in it. He sometimes thought that Buck was made to love. He did it so easily, giving his whole heart without hesitation. But Buck didn’t love him like Eddie loved Buck. It didn’t matter anymore, Buck deserved to know how loved he was.
“No,” Eddie shook his head, “I’m in love with you.”
“I know,” Buck chuckled (it was really more like a huff of air at this point), “I’m in love with you too… I wanted to- to wait until you were ready to tell me… I wish I hadn’t waited now.”
“Okay,” Eddie said, becoming frantic at Buck’s weakening state, “okay well we don’t have to wait anymore. Whatever you want, we can have. It's you and me and Chris for the rest of our lives.”
“I wish I got to kiss you-”
“-you will,” Eddie interrupted. He couldn’t listen to this. He had to hear it.
“Let me say this,” Buck said, his breathing becoming more labored, “I wish I got to kiss you, to hold you, to make love to you. There’s so many things I wanted. I wanted to be your husband. I wanted to have more kids. Maybe even a cat, because I know you secretly love cats. I wanted to grow old with you. That was my dream Eddie.”
Eddie’s vision swam as he struggled to draw oxygen in through his sobs.
“Eddie,” exhaustion laced every syllable of Buck’s words, “turn off the light.”
“No,” Eddie snapped.
“ Baby ,” Buck breathed, “please, I don’t want you to watch this.”
God, what Eddie would’ve given to hear Buck call him baby. Be careful what you wish for right?
“I won’t leave you alone in the dark.” Even if it killed him to see it. He wouldn’t leave.
“You’re so stubborn… I’m so in love with you Eddie Diaz,” Buck smiled, bright and easy like he had that morning when he greeted Eddie for their shift. Buck let out a shuddering breath, his body going lax against the rubble. His eyes were completely blank and the smile slipped off his face.
“Buck?” Eddie said, his voice small and broken, more like Christopher’s than his own.
Buck didn’t answer. Eddie held his breath and fixed his eyes on his partner’s chest, waiting for it to rise. By the time his own lungs were screaming for air, there had been no movement. Eddie thrashed and fought desperately against the concrete, shredding the palms of his hands trying to tear it free. He fought until he physically couldn’t anymore. It was no use. Eddie dropped his head back into the debris and wept. Grieving what could’ve been.
*****
Bobby held his breath in anticipation as the extraction team worked on removing the final pieces of rubble. He had no idea what would be waiting for him on the other side. It had been almost two hours since the building went down, his boys still inside it. Two hours since he last heard anything from them. Every minute spent not knowing was agonizing. No one away from the scene knew yet, the cops were doing a good job at keeping the press away. They already pulled the body of a firefighter from the 124 out of the rubble, whisking him away in the ambulance. It wouldn’t be fair to his family if they found out over the news. Chim couldn’t call Maddie until he knew something definite, he couldn’t stress her out this late in her pregnancy. Bobby was the same with Athena. He turned his attention back to the ipad he was holding, still no shift in the boy’s location according to the gps. He hadn’t expected there to be, but it still hurt just the same.
“Captain Nash,” one of the extraction team members called, “be ready to go in, we’re shifting the final piece now.”
Bobby tried to brace himself for whatever he was about to see. He climbed down, Hen and Chim on his heels, both with med kits in hand. They spent the last couple of hours hovering behind Bobby, waiting desperately for news. Before the final slab was even out of the way, they heard it. Heart-wrenching wails Bobby had heard before, from victims on calls, from himself when Marcy and his kids died. It was like ice water flooded his veins. The slab went down revealing it was Eddie who was sobbing in despair, his legs pinned by a thick chunk of concrete. His head was thrown to the side and his arms were outstretched towards… Bobby and the others followed his line of sight to see Buck slumped over. The only thing holding his body upright were the rebar rods piercing his chest. Buck’s face was white as a sheet and his eyes were hazed over.
“Oh god,” Hen cried when she saw him. Chim recovered quickly, rushing to Buck and feeling for a pulse.
“No pulse, skin is cool to the touch,” Chim said brokenly.
“Save him,” Bobby said.
“Bobby,” Hen said, “he’s been down a while.”
“SAVE HIM,” Bobby shouted.
Hen spurred into action and joined Chim, the two of them working on freeing Buck from the rubble so they could resuscitate him. Bobby turned to Eddie, noticing his cries were causing him to hyperventilate.
“Eddie, slow down. Try to take a deep breath. Can you tell me if you’re seriously hurt?” Bobby asked, kneeling next to Eddie’s head. Eddie shook his head vehemently, panic completely consuming him. Before Bobby could coax him out of his panic attack, Eddie lost consciousness.
Bobby couldn’t look over to where Hen and Chim were working on Buck. He couldn’t watch them handling his son’s lifeless body. Instead, he helped dig Eddie out from under the concrete. The 133’s paramedic team swooped in as soon as he was freed. Bobby helped lift Eddie’s unconscious body onto the gurney. He only caught some of what they were saying, before the ambulance doors were shut in his face. Concussion. Shallow breathing. No apparent spinal injury. Eddie’s injuries were critical, but not fatal.