Chapter Text
When he first gradually started remembering, Suguru was disgusted with himself. The memories of his previous life came, but no cursed technique followed. Most people would have been happy at not having to see terrifying curses as a 6-year-old, but by the time the memories of his previous teen-self returned, Suguru resented himself for not seeing them. He was a fucking monkey.
So as quickly as he could, he went searching, and found… nothing.
There were no traces of cursed energy anywhere, no trace of Jujutsu Techincal College, no ‘weird division’ of people who were allowed into crime scenes before forensics, and a surprising drop in mysterious disappearances and deaths in Japan. So in the end, Suguru, in a backwards way, lived in his dream world, where no sorcerers would die just because filthy monkeys existed and created curses.
But then he had to confront himself, the anger he felt towards his family for existing, the resentment he had let build up like a dam, poison seeping through the foundations, all founded on nothing in this world.
Then he met Shoko when he started university, and Shoko had found Nanami who had found Haibara and they all remembered as well. A lot of late night talks followed, interrogations, accusations, fights, and then it calmed down.
“Have you been in contact with Satoru?” He had asked Shoko pretty early on, maybe too early into the slow reconstruction of their friendship. She had taken a look at him, before blowing the smoke into the chilly night air.
“How would I even do that?” She’d answered. Suguru had turned back to looking out across the city.
Finding out about Satoru had been easy, but meeting him seemed to be impossible. Gojo Satoru was the one and only heir to the Gojo family’s corporation, a long awaited and sought after son who could inherit the great company. Rich, powerful, famous, even in this life. And that meant restricted movement, hidden schedules, security guards and no interaction with the common folk.
So Suguru needed to get a job, and do something worthwhile with his new life, but before all of that he had to search for Mimiko and Nanako. His daughters. Faint memories of them had started resurfacing by late high school age, their voices and the feeling of their hair as he rustled it, but there was no way of knowing if they were here. If they had been reincarnated or what their situation would be like this time around, and where they were. What he did find was an area with the most amount people with the surname ‘Hasaba’ in all of Japan.
It’s a shock to his increasingly worried parents, whom he’d been pushing away for years now, when he gives them a short notice that he was going to travel to Shikoku to cycle the Shimanami Kaido during break. Of course, they tried to stop him, ask him what was wrong and if he was in trouble and insisting on him not going alone, but there wasn't really anything they could do before he was on a train out of their small village. They called and called and called, Suguru answerd with a text, answerd the call once to say he was turning his phone off and that he would be back in a week.
They filed a missing person’s report. By that time Suguru had already found the two girls abandoned to fend for themselves in the village. No cage, no beatings, but total abandonment after their parents were driven to suicide by their fellow villagers.
Suguru silently took them, and the village remained in takt.
They were still scarred, afraid, unsure about his intentions, but it quickly dissipated and he felt hope brimming in his body that they would remember. And at the same time a deep fear, because he didn’t know what happened to them in that other world after he died. Satoru had said his family got away, but the world of sorcery was tough.
He called his parents to say he was on his way home, they called off the missing persons case, but he was still greeted with police officers at his home when he showed up with two malnourished girls in tow. For two agonizing days they were separated, but when all three could confirm their stories and the remains of their parents, thrown in a ditch in the village, were found, he was let off without any criminal record.
The girls keept insisting on staying with ‘Getou-sama’, but he was still 17. Still he managed to convince his parents to take custody and promise to take over when he moved out the year after to go to university.
Maybe they were afraid he would really disappear if they didn't.
So at 18 Suguru moved to Tokyo, took a free-time-consuming part time job, and started studying to become a lawyer. It seemed fitting, but he was still aimless.
That’s when he meet Shoko and the rest. Every other weekend his girls would come from their 'grandparents' to stay with him.
Time passed quickly like that, but the vacuum that should contain his Satoru burned every day. Satoru, who nobody knew where was, the ever elusive Gojo heir.
During his darkest days, after a 10 hour shift and with the girls staying at his parents’ house and the apartment empty, Suguru would think that maybe it would be better if Satoru never met him in this life, nobody to drag him down. What if he doesn’t remember? Suguru didn’t know if he could handle that. He knew it was ridiculous to assume that out of all of the people he has found from his previous life, that Satoru would be the only one not to remember, but the anxiety still clawed at him every night as he dully stared at the TV screen.
Then one day, as if fate were mocking him, he sees Satoru at a KFC. He doesn’t know what brought him here, the bitter memories souring his sad breakfast, but there Satoru is; shock of white hair, uncommon blue eyes, rounded back, feet dragging against the floor, clutching a bag of take out. Satoru, to be honest, has never looked worse.
Suguru is frozen, but as Satoru turns around he jumps out of the line, colliding with another customer, and runs after.
His throat constricts, his voice won’t come out, but this is his only chance, if he doesn’t… If Satoru doesn’t remember him then he’ll just look like a creep, but Suguru can live with that because if Satoru does remember, he’ll have his best friend back.
“S-Satoru!” He shouts hoarsely, “Satoru!” He is only a couple of steps behind, but he sees Satoru freeze before haltingly turning to face Suguru. Suguru now gets a better look at him, the dark bangs under his eyes and his sickly pale complexion. His eyes were uncovered and lacked the unnatural shine the Six Eyes gave him before.
“Su…guru?”
Suguru’s face breaks into a small smile, and he feels tears threatening to fall. “Its been a while”, he says, then he’s almost running to wrap his arms around his best friend. He pulls the other into him as tight as he can, the uncommon but comfortable press of the others body slowly calming his erratic heartbeat, mufflinng his breath in Satoru’s shoulder.
Tentatively the other’s arms come up around him too, and his voice is small when he asks; “You’re here..?”
Suguru pulls back, not letting go of Satoru’s shoulders. “Do you remember?” His eyes seem distant when they lock onto Suguru’s, and he has half a mind to ask what’s wrong, before Satoru smiles big. “Of course!”
“Its so good to see you! I-I never thought I’d get the chance!” Suguru explains. Satoru seems at loss of words, so he continues. “Of course I knew you existed, it’s just that actually meeting you seemed so impossible.”
Satoru huffs a short laugh. “I guess so.”
“I’ve already found Shoko, Nanami and Haibara, just by coincidence.” Satoru seems to perk up at that. “Really?”
“Yeah”, he trails off. Its overcast today, the sun’s rays far away casting the grey city landscape in cool colors. Beneath it Satoru’s complexion looks washed out.
“Are you okay?”
Wide eyes shoot back to him like a deer in the highlights.
“Yeah, I just…” He looks away again, even as Suguru leans forward to connect again. “I thought I was the only one. It’s a lot to take in”, Satoru smiles.
Suguru swallows. He had felt the same when he had started remembering as well, but he was lucky enough to have found his schoolmates at 19, and here Satoru was, almost 10 years later.
“We have so much to catch up on, when do you have the time?” The answer comes quicker than anyone would have had time to think properly; “Sorry, I’m preoccupied.” Suguru tries not to let the disappointment show on his face and bites the bitter words back.
“Hey, give me your number and Line, I don’t wanna lose contact with you again.” His hearth thunders, the sudden drop off a roller coaster when you imagine that the near impossible will happen and it’ll derail, when he suddenly fears that this Satoru will pull away, but he presses onwards. “I have work tomorrow as well, but you should join the rest of us for our bi-weekly drinks. I’m sure Shoko will be happy to see you.”
“And I’m sure Nanami will be annoyed.” Satoru smirks and Suguru smirks back. “I can’t miss that opportunity, I’ll be there."
Suguru notices him looking around, and slowly guides them out of the foot traffic they’ve been blocking for the past infinite minutes. Saying goodbye so soon after finally seeing each other again makes his hands start shaking, but when Satoru hesitantly starts stepping back Suguru finds his voice: “Satoru, I’m sorry about what happened, and I’m so happy I found you again.”
Satoru looks away, but Suguru can still see a blush on his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow, OK?” He says as he turns towards the path home, stomach already aching.
“Yeah, see you.”
When Satoru comes home he lets the door slam shut before collapsing against it and sliding down to the floor. He puts his head in his hands and grips his hair as he tries not to let his heart beat out of his chest.
Then he pukes. The warm and lumpy acid coats his pants and burns his skin, and he stays hunched over himself, gagging and heaving until he’s empty.
Satoru sits there for uncountable hours, noise echoing in his head, louder and louder and louder.
“Fuck.”
The izakaya is noisy, friend groups gathered around tables enjoying their cold beers, salary men and women complaining about work, couples out on a first date and the like.
Suguru’s eyes involuntarily keep shooting towards the entrance, waiting to spot a head of white hair. He can see Nanami judging him, Shoko’s evaluating gaze, and Haibara’s soft smiles between his loud talking as he tries to distract the other two.
15 minutes after the agreed-upon time, when the only thing keeping Suguru from running into the street to find Satoru is Shoko’s stern gaze, Satoru finally strolls in. Suguru’s exhale is shaky, and Shoko is the one who has to wave him over.
“Shokooo, how are ‘ya?” “So-so” She replies, voice tired like it had always been, but much less rough. Even Shoko had admitted that since she couldn’t use Reversed Cursed Technique anymore, quitting smoking was the best option. Suguru had agreed in theory, but the craving for the routine had been too strong even when his body wasn’t addicted. Shoko never tried to convince him to quit though.
Satoru falls down besides Suguru and immediately grabs the tablet and orders himself a beer.
The other four stare at him.
Suguru’s carefully planned structure for the evenings talk fly out the window.
“You drink now?”
Satoru puts on a big smirk and declares “I’ve grown up with rich parents who drink champagne every day and who don’t have to think about the necessity of staying alert against curses and people who want to kill us, so I’ve gotten used to it!”
Nanami huffs in the corner, yet again barely having escaped a corporate job, before commenting. “Seems like you’re just like you’ve always been”, and Satoru gives him a small wink. Haibara immediately intervenes.
“Tell me how you all managed to track each other down!” And so they tell the story, and both the drinks and conversation overflow until they’re all flustered and bickering. Except for Nanami who keeps himself under control and Satoru who is on the opposite end of the spectrum, slumped over the table looking like he is en route to become wasted.
Every time a new drink arrives at the table Satoru’s face lights up. His hands seem steady when gripping the glass, and he takes big gulps. Suguru tries to keep an eye on him, but is easily swept away in the conversations around the booth.
The hours tick by, Suguru feeling unusually happy, until Haibara asks Satoru how his last, deadly, battle was.
Satoru blinks lazily, and cocks his head before answering. “I gave it everything I got, my physical skills, my best strategies, all my power and new explosive techniques, but he was fucking strong.” He seems to hesitate before continuing. “And he didn’t even go all out…”
Haibara looks at him with his best puppy-dog eyes.
“I feel kinda sorry for him though. I can empathize with his solitude more than anyone else. I wanted to convey that to him. He didn’t get to go all out with me” Satoru slurs, smiling sadly.
“So you left the students all on their own to handle that mess?” Namani says. He’s not wearing his glasses, so the cold stare he levels at the other man is intense.
Satoru doesn’t meet his gaze, absently messing with the buttons on the tablet. “I still trusted them, they could handle it.”
Suguru blinked. When he got his memories of Mimiko and Nanako he had been obsessed with finding them again and making sure they were okay. He remebers Satoru's command to stay away from his students that day he came to declare war.
“Anyways, if things went to shit, won’t they just have reincarnated like us?” Satoru ads, murmuring.
Now it seems like Nanami is on his way to match their faces in color.
“You only lived for Jujutsu, you didn‘t wield it to protect something, only for the sake of satisfying yourself.”
Haibara chimes in in agreement; “Everybody thought so, but nobody said it out loud! Though, now that you aren’t The Strongest anymore I guess people feel more comfortable talking to you like that!”
Suguru wants to say something, to defend his best friend, the images of Riko flash trough his eyes, the last happy days they had in Okinawa, playing at the beach and keeping guard at the aquarium, Satoru’s tired eyes, and the agreement they had formed. The alleyway, I knew you wouldn’t kill promising sorcerers, and the 10 years he went against orders to execute Suguru.
“Hah, that’s so rude, Nanamin, Haibara.”
Nanami continues staring coldly at him. “Well, it was a worthy end for you. I won’t condole it, but I can sympathize.”
“Well, thanks”, Satoru mumbles. He’s stopped tapping at the tablet, and clumsily tries putting it back in its charger, until Shoko has to take over and do it for him. His shoulders seem sunken, and Suguru wants to wrap his arm around him, but it would only serve to make Satoru look even more pathetic.
“You’re blunt as always”, Shoko comments. “Why lie? You’re the same, Ieiri-san.”
Just then the server arrives with Satoru’s next beer, which he grimaces into the whole way through.
The conversation eventually picks back up without Satoru, who slumps against the seat, and due to his height, also the wall. Suguru decides not to push him, its his first time back with everyone, and more importantly, he is drunk. So when they all stand up tp leave and Satoru loses his balance, Suguru instinctively reaches out to steady him, but he didn’t need to as Satoru quickly regains his motor ability.
The air is cool outside, and far beyond the lights the sky is dark, no starts visible. Shoko waves them off to catch her last train, and Nanami and Haibara say their goodbyes as Nanami (probably having calculated the exact amount of time needed to catch the train) calmly walks to the station, Haibara almost skipping ahead several times.
Suguru turns to face Satoru. “You don’t look so good, I can walk you home.“ Satoru’s eyes, sluggish and half-lidded meet his own, and he nods.
He catches one of the obnoxiously expensive taxis, and from there on it’s a short walk to the apartment entrance and the elevator. They step into a nicely furnished hallway with a clean wall-to-wall sparsely patterned carpet and monochronic art framed on the walls. The hallway extends in two directions, but while the hallway in Suguru’s own apartment complex contains multiple doors each, in this one there are only two at each end of the hallway. Suguru wonders briefly how big Satoru’s apartment must be.
When Satoru starts fumbling with the access code, Suguru finally decides to speak out, seeing as they definitely won’t be interrupted.
“I know you cared. Nanami might not see it, but I know you cared about Riko and your students.”
Satoru stops for a moment, and leans back against the door, his head banging on the metal.
“Nanami isn’t wrong”, he mumbles, “I enjoyed fighting, I was good at it.” He pauses to take a couple of deep breaths. Suguru waits. “When Amanai died and I killed Fushiguro, I wasn’t angry on her behalf, I was…happy? Satisfied with how I felt in the moment. What I’d achieved.”
Suguru yet again waits for Satoru to continue, but he just lets his head roll from side to side on the door.
“Satoru, I know you cared about your student’s. That’s why… that’s how you managed to kill me, right? Because I went after them.”
When he sees how Satoru cringes he apologizes.
“I wanted strong allies, someone on par with me, an’ I didn’t want them to die. They should have their youth as Sorcerers, b’cause it was fun, right, Suguru? Until that, it was fun…" He stops to stare at the ceiling, right into the bright light. "I wanted someone who could stand with me. Only you ever did, Suguru…” He trails off, and Suguru deiced that forcing a realization upon Satoru here, drunk in the hallway, probably isn’t the best.
He takes Satoru’s arm and drapes it across his shoulders and helps him punch in the code. As the door unlocks he goes to turn the handle, but a shaking hand stops him. Satoru disentangles himself from Suguru and supports himself on a wall. “I can make it from here, you sh'd prolly get home as well, you have work, right?”
Suguru nods. If Satoru needed alone time, Suguru would give it to him, this time. But he would make sure not to make the same mistake as Satoru did last time; something was wrong with his best friend, and he wouldn’t abandon Satoru to wallow in darkness like he had been.
“Goodnight, Suguru.”
“Goodnight, Satoru. I’ll message you tomorrow” And Suguru leaves.
Satoru tries to be careful when he closes the door and keeps his legs supporting his body until he is sure that Suguru is on the way down the elevator before he crashes down in the genkan.
His body is shaking.
He needs his fucking pills.
After some time he stumbles to his feet and drags himself to his medicine cabinet, where he fumbles around trying to find the correct package. His vision is blurry and he can’t read the names. He settles for just throwing down whichever pill it is, after all, it’ll help with something.
He should just go to sleep, get some rest, be ready for tomorrow, but somehow he feels even more shitty than he did throughout the entire day as he waited to meet up with the others, and his fridge and cabinets are full.
Satoru bites his tongue.
He goes to the top cabinet, barely keeping his balance on his toes and grabs whichever bottle is the closest to him. The cap comes of easily, a practiced motion after many years, and he throws himself into the sofa. Something crunches beneath him, for a moment he thinks maybe he finally broke a bone, but it’s just some candy wrapper. He shuffles to the side, throws a glance at the overflowing table, and closes his eyes.
He feels like shit, but not as much as he usually does.
…only for the sake of satisfying yourself…now that you aren’t The Strongest anymore…
Salty tears burn against his eyelids. He squeezes his eyes shut, presses his hand to his eyes, breathes out.
He swings the bottle back, almost chokes on the first sip, but forces the liquid down where it settles in his stomach with an almost acid burn.
He doesn’t really remember the last hour after what Nanami said. Its blank, except the feeling of Suguru’s warm body against his and his softly spoken voice. And now Satoru’s sitting in his large apartment planning to drink until he passes out like he does every night.
Quiet.
Alone.
He could have let Suguru into the apartment, they would have hung out and talked, but he rejected him.
So now, like he has been his entire life, like he was in his last life, Gojo Satoru is alone.
And it’s his own fucking fault.