Chapter Text
Saturday nights in the ER were, from Alex’s humble point of view, the worst. When the rest of the week tended to be incredibly busy still —as emergency rooms always were, Saturday nights brought a whole new level of insanity Alex had yet to get used to.
As a 27-year-old —almost— functioning adult with ADHD, Alex Claremont-Diaz liked to thrive on chaos and busy days. He’d decided to get into med school after his parent’s divorce, letting go of a long-life dream to become a lawyer to do like his dad, who’d disappeared on him in the middle of the night and left Alex with nothing but a shattered image of his beloved hero. There, he’d learned how unforgiving and hectic med school could get, but Alex was nothing if not determined, and he’d gotten through it with flying colors —and a whole new internship at the NYU Medical Center. The residency went well; Alex’s addiction to coffee only grew, and his four years of pre-med and four extra years in med school passed in a blur. He was hired in the New York Presbyterian Hospital, moved to a lovely-but-tiny Mannathan flat he shared with his best friend, and life went on.
That was to say, Saturday nights did not get any easier after he’d officially graduated. In fact, he could have said that they’d gotten only worse in the years that had passed, and people had grown unhinged in a way only a post-pandemic world setting could explain. And with each 24-hour shift Alex did at the ER, he realized that there was yet even more he could be surprised with.
It was one of those Saturday nights, where Alex felt like he couldn’t take any more stupid emergencies before he texted Nora another string of unrelated emojis that made her roll her eyes from the other side of the break room and flip him the bird. It was well past two in the morning now, and another painful six hours before he finally headed home. The bright light of the room left no place for a proper nap, and neither did the regular beeping and constant noises that came from the corridor just a few inches away from the table he sat at, but it had been a long while since neither of the doctors working there had paid any mind to any of that.
Slumped in the corner of the room, Nora was dozing off, head lolling on the side every now and then. Next to her, Liam was chewing on a chicken salad, playing with his phone distractedly. Outside of the room, the rest of their colleagues were running around and about, tending to people like they did for the better part of their own shift, buying them a few minutes of rest. Alex had sat down about twenty minutes ago now, enjoying the blissful sensation of his legs propped up on the table — and ignoring Liam’s glare as he did so. His feet did sit inches away from his salad, but Liam had also been Alex’s college roommate, and at this point, he’d seen it all.
Alex was on his way to actually catch some precious seconds of sleep when his pager went off. At the same time, Zahra popped her head into the room and leveled him with a blank stare.
“Claremont-Diaz, you’re up.”
There went the nap, then. Swinging his legs off the table, Alex winced at the soreness in his calves. Years working in the ER, hours spent at the gym every time he could squeeze a session in, and he couldn’t quite shake the soreness that came with standing on his feet all day, running between patients and emergencies alike.
“Alright. What do we have?”
Zahra’s left eye twitched. The sight was as terrifying as the rest of her.
“Male, 28 years old. Unidentified object stuck in the internal sphincter. We didn’t get to do a radio yet, the nurses were waiting on you. There’s possible tearing, he seems to be in pain and his friend insisted on seeing some blood, but I think he’s just too embarrassed about the whole situation and he keeps on clenching around it.”
Alex let out a deep, resounding sigh, staring at the white ceiling as if it held the answers to his deepest grievance. “What do people have against regular and safe sex toys? I swear, it has to be on a Saturday night.”
When he stepped behind the curtain safely keeping the side of station 5 away from prying eyes, Alex was immediately met with the bluest pair of eyes he’d ever seen, and his brain came to a full stop for a hot second.
“Hi.”
It took Alex a beat to realize that the man who’d spoken was not the one currently holding the hospital bed so tight his fingers had turned white, in a position that resembled a pregnant woman about to give birth — and held the beautiful pair of blue eyes he’d currently lost himself in. Instead, a brown man with bright pink hair jumped from his seat next to the bed and in Alex’s general direction, tearing his gaze away from the patient, “I’m Pez, this is Henry. Thank you so much for coming in this quickly, I know this is definitely not your ideal way of spending a Saturday night, but Hazza’s got a flair for the dramatic.”
All Alex could say to that was, “Pez, like the sweets?”
An amused smile curled at the corner of Pez’s lips.
“Hazza, did you know they made them fun now?”
“They even make them brown,” Alex chipped in response, to which Pez barked out a laugh. “Now, what do we have here?”
“Meet Henry,” Pez said before his friend could even open his mouth. “He’s very deeply embarrassed, and he will try and dampen it but he’s also in pain and I really, really want you to help him because he’s my best friend in the world and contrary to what it might seem right now, he’s one of the smartest people in the world.”
Alex blinked. “Well.”
It was unusual for him to let friends or family stay by the patient’s side once he was in the room, but looking at the pale man standing next to his friend in a hospital gown that looked ridiculously small on his lean body, Alex felt his heart soften minutely.
“I’ll take it from here, Pez. I’ll need you to stay away from the bed as much as you can, and if the nurses ask you to leave, I won’t ask twice and you will head to the family era without making a fuss. Alright?”
On his right side, Alex felt Julia stare at him. He’d never been known amongst the nurses to be rude with his patient’s family, but he was also never taking a chance. Alex had dealt with panicked family members getting in the way of his nurses or treatment one too many times, and he was not too keen on repeating the experience. Pez looked like a smart enough guy, even if he wore bright yellow pajama bottoms made out of silk in the middle of a crowded ER room.
“Fine by me.” Pez’s eyes flickered to Henry, and with a step back, he gave his friend an encouraging nod.
Turning to his patient, Alex gave him a quick do-over. Julia had already gotten an IV into him, checked his vitals, and wrapped him in an unflattering blue gown, which might explain the bright pink color dusting his cheeks. All Alex had to do now was to get him onto the bed and proceed with the exam.
“Alright, Henry. Try and lay down if you can.”
Henry hissed in pain, pale cheeks turning a little red. Alex felt a twinge of sympathy pull at his heartstrings.
“Slowly now, yeah.” Stepping in to wrap an arm around Henry’s waist, he helped the man get on the bed and onto his side. When he looked up, he found Pez staring down at his friend with concern, brows pulled tight together, his bottom lip caught between pearly white teeth. Alex hadn’t been around the man long, but he had a feeling that ‘anxiety’ was not a common word in his vocabulary.
“How do you feel?” He asked still, slowly rolling Henry onto his back.
“Like I’ve got something stuck up my arse,” Henry hissed, his voice deeper than Alex would have imagined it to be. “Just peachy.”
“I don’t know if it was an intentional joke, but I’ve got to say it was a good one,” Alex said with a smirk, distracting him long enough to get him to bend his knees, feet planted on the bed. Henry flushed a deep shade of red when he folded the gown up his legs and reached between his legs, probing the skin with glove-covered fingers and looking for any trace of tearing.
“It wasn’t.” When Alex let go of the gown and nodded at Julia, he said again, “Intentional, I mean.”
Alex smiled. “Guess you’re just funny like that, then.”
Scribbling away on her notepad, Julia offered Alex a small smile. He liked working with her the best because as much as she liked to call him out on his bullshit, she also knew when he was trying to ease the tension in a room. Medical school and hospitals alike had never been tender; it was a well-known fact, but there was no need to make the entire experience a terribly tense one for patients.
“Julia will prepare the x-ray machine to get a proper visual on the inside.” He felt more than he saw Julia busy herself with it, and he turned to face Henry. “Now, I’m gonna have to ask you a few questions regarding the toy, alright? No judgment here. I’m simply ruling things out and making sure nothing dangerous is currently running around your intestines.”
Henry winced around a nod.
“Is the toy designed for sexual pleasure?” Alex asked.
“Yeah. It’s a-, I think it was meant for vaginal penetration, to reach the G spot? I didn’t have anything better, and it was on sale online, so…”
“Do you know if it functions with battery?”
“No, uh. It’s a pretty simple model, there’s no batteries or vibration mode. It’s just plastic.”
“That’s good. Batteries aren’t safe for internal use, if I may say so.” Alex offered a small, encouraging smile, scribbling away on the pad he’d stolen from Julia. “Can you imagine how much worse it could have been?”
“Christ, yes.” His cheeks had turned a deep shade of red now. “I don’t think I could have handled the buzz on top of all of that.”
“Yeah, multiple orgasms in the middle of the ER is not anyone’s idea of a good night.”
In the corner of the room, Pez snorted. Julia had finished her preparations, stepping out to leave Alex some space — and for him to set Henry up properly.
“I’d advocate for safer sex next time,” he teased with a smile, trying to break the tension that had risen in the room as he reached for the X-ray machine. “I imagine two young guys like yourselves can find safer props.”
“Oh.” Pez’s eyes widened, flickering between Henry and Alex, a slow smile spreading on his face. “Oh, darling. No, no. We’re not an item.”
“Heavens, no,” Henry groaned from the bed, a little bit of sweat gathering on his hairline. “He’s my best mate, that’s all.”
Alex had no idea why he let his mouth run at this point. “Oh. So you guys… Just have sex together from time to time?”
“Now, this is wonderful,” Pez whispered, loud enough for Henry to glare at him. “No, Dr Sexy, Hazza here was having a wonderful time all by himself when I got a panicked call from him asking me to come to his room. I, as a respectable friend, got over the very awkward situation and the sight of my best friend’s quite large dick to help him slide in some clothes and drive here.”
“Please kill me now,” Henry whispered from the bed.
“I did tell him he should try and date more, and maybe this will be a hard-learned lesson after all.”
“Can I revoke his visitor pass?” Henry deadpanned seriously. “I want him out of here.”
Alex hummed, leaning down to uncover Henry’s gown. “He’s technically not a visitor yet since you haven’t been given a room. He’s just an unauthorized distraction I will gracefully allow because you’re having a much shittier night than I am, and I’ve been working for the past 18 hours straight.”
“I really like him,” Pez chimed from above his shoulder. Alex leaned back, trying his hardest to act unbothered by his patient’s newfound nudeness. Truth be told, as a doctor, he’d seen more bodies than he could count, and he had long stopped caring about bits of uncovered flesh. Once he clocked in for his shift, naked bodies stopped being attractive and became forms and shapes, and this time was no exception. As attractive as his patient was, Alex’s brain was focused on work, and, most importantly, on relieving Henry from any sort of pain and embarrassment.
“You know, this isn’t unusual in any way,” he tried, keeping his eyes on the pale skin and not looking up at his –admittedly, gorgeous– patient. “It’s surprising you were the first of the night, really.”
Squirming at the cold touch of Alex’s gloved hands against his skin, Henry chewed on his lower lip. “What, the first idiot who’s got something stupid stuck up his arse?”
“Well. The first person coming for the same problem.” Turning around to reach for the X-ray machine, Alex settled it up. “And don’t say that. Mistakes happen; it’s no biggie.”
This time, Henry chuckled drily. “Of course, you’d say that.”
“I mean it, Henry. It’s okay, and it’s much better than what could have been. At least you used a toy , not the first thing you could find on your desk. That’s a good thing, trust me.”
“I should have been more careful, still,” Henry whispered, brows furrowing in concentration. Alex pulled back, urging Pez to do the same, and the X-ray machine beeped once, then twice. “I feel so stupid.”
“Hey,” Pez intervened, reaching out to lay a careful hand on his friend’s shoulder. Alex didn’t find it in himself to ask him to pull back and go sit back down, “Hazza, it’s okay. Nobody’s judging, and there is no shame in pleasuring yourself. I’ll get you a brand new and safer toy when we get out of here, I promise.”
This time, Henry huffed out a real laugh. Alex kept his eyes riveted on the X-rays now popping up on the screen, the thick length of the toy appearing in bright white.
“I would recommend specific male-oriented options,” He said, jumping into the conversation as smoothly as he could. “They’re usually safe enough not to get sucked in because they’re made for anal usage specifically. Or, obviously, anything else that does not involve your rectum muscles swallowing something that does not belong in your body.”
Henry huffed. “Do you know how hard it is to reach your own prostate with nothing but your fingers?”
Alex cleared his throat, feeling the lower side of his face heat up. “Well, not really.” He kept his eyes riveted on the screen, ignoring the need to look up at Henry’s dancing blue eyes.
“Yeah, figured.” When he finally tore his eyes away from the scan, Henry was looking at him with a smirk, all trace of embarrassment gone for a split second, “The gorgeous ones are always straight.”
Was he flirting ? Alex could confidently say he’d seen it all, especially in the ER, but he’d never before been hit on by someone with 12 and a half inches of plastic stuck in the rectum.
“Alright,” he said, his voice sounding a little high, “I can see vaguely where the toy has lodged itself on those, but those images are not the most precise and we usually get a bigger scan when it comes to cases like these. I’d like to avoid that, firstly because it’s a sex toy and it’s not designed to tear, and mostly because we might be able to get it out of you easier than I hoped. For that, I’m gonna have to press down on your stomach a little bit, alright? Tell me if anything’s feeling odd or wrong.”
From the corner of his eyes, he saw Pez wriggle his eyebrows suggestively, which made Henry roll his eyes in response. Alex bit the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from smiling. Pez should definitely have been asked to wait outside by now, but he was not getting in the way of things, and Alex could feel how much of a damper he was on Henry’s spiking anxiety.
“I’m just gonna touch you now, okay? I need to know if it’s moving up your colon, which we certainly would like to avoid.”
“Why?” Pez asked, seemingly incapable of keeping his mouth shut when anxious. “Apart from the very obvious fact that it’s making it harder to reach?”
“Because the colon is sensitive, and it’s something that does not belong here. It might tear somewhere, and then make him go septic way down the line,” Alex explained as calmly as he could. He didn’t miss the panicked look on Henry’s face as he did.
“Oh.”
Alex didn’t comment on how quiet both men had gotten. Instead, he snapped his gloves on and gently placed his hands on Henry’s lower belly, feeling the muscles twitch at the touch. When he pressed down, Henry made a choked-off noise he had no idea how to interpret.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not really. It feels… stuffed.” his cheek darkened at the confession, and Alex chuckled.
“That’s usually what happens when you push a toy up your rectum.”
Henry choked off a laugh. “You’re terribly rude, for a doctor.”
A little to the side, Alex pressed again, this time earning himself a hiss of discomfort. “That hurt,” Henry whispered, going a little pale. “I feel like I’m about to throw up.”
Alex eased his touch immediately. “That’s because it’s moving up, and pressing on your intestines. We need to get you to imaging for a better look. It shouldn’t be this high.” He turned to Pez, “Would you help me get him up? Slowly.”
It was a bit of a fumble, but they got Henry standing on shaky legs. His skin was awfully pale, Alex remarked when his unnaturally long legs finally steadied underneath him.
“I’m gonna give you some drugs, okay?” He said as he prepared the needle, easing it into Henry’s arm slowly. “It should act fast. If you feel any kind of discomfort, let me know.”
“I mean,” Henry huffed a little drily, “I’ve got 12 inches stuck up my arse, so.”
“Oh, hon. You’ve taken bigger,” Pez shushed in what he might have hoped to be a reassuring manner but only seemed to darken Henry’s cheeks.
“Oh, Christ. Is it possible to die of embarrassment?”
“I don’t think it is. Or at least, I’ve never dealt with a case like that,” Alex replied playfully. “you’ll be fine, Henry. Come on, let’s take the elevator.”
The trek down to radiology was excruciating, mostly because Pez had to stay two floors up, and Henry had grown awfully quiet in the time it took for Alex to help him through the endless corridors. All he wanted to do was break the tension, make a joke about how they’d seen it all in this place and how no one would hold it against Henry for having felt a little adventurous. Yet Henry had closed up on himself, shoulders braced and mouth set in a thin line when they finally reached their destination.
They stopped in front of the gray door, Henry going paler by the second. Alex wondered if the pain had gotten worse, or if the reality of the situation was starting to hit hard. Gesturing at the woman standing by the MRI machine, he smiled in what he hoped to be a reassuring manner.
“That’s Jessica. She works here in radiology, and she’s gonna help us figure out how to go about this, yeah?”
Jessica waved. “Hi, Henry. Let’s set you up, yeah?”
When she disappeared into the adjacent room, Henry’s eyes followed her all the way down the tiny room, before he snapped his attention back to Alex. “Are you sleeping with her?”
Alex choked on his own saliva. “What?”
“I do realize that it's weird to ask,” Henry said with a pout that looked too adorable to be annoying, pale skin sticking out of the blue gown, “but those painkillers are strong . Makes my mouth go all runny.”
“This is not Grey’s Anatomy ,” Alex said finally, barely repressing the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Not every single person here is sleeping with their co-worker.”
“Ah.” Henry seemed to ponder on the question. “Too bad for them, really. I’m sure everyone’s calling you Dr Sexy behind your back.”
“Absolutely no one does.”
“You can’t lie to me, Alex. I’ve got 12 inches of plastic up my butt; it’s legally not allowed.”
Alex chewed on his bottom lip, trying as hard as he could not to smile. “I haven’t signed a single contract.”
“I bet you didn’t,” Henry muttered under his breath, “I’d make you sign a marriage certificate faster than light.”
Behind the glass, Jessica knocked lightly, letting Alex know that they were ready to begin the scan.
“How about getting that plastic out of your body first?” He offered. “Then we’ll see about the rest.”
“Don’t joke about that,” Henry threatened. “As you probably have guessed, I am extremely gay. I would marry a sexy doctor in a heartbeat.”
“Alright, Henry. Up and in the scanner, please.”
They were back up in the ER soon enough, Henry’s images previously studied by Jessica and any worry about the state of the toy and the possible abrasions cleared from both of their minds. Pez seemed to have dug a hole in the floor by the time they got back, and Alex tried not to smile when he jumped as soon as they walked in.
“Henry will be fine,” Alex said, at the same time as Henry said,
“Alex’s not sleeping with the doctor down in radiology. Grey’s Anatomy lied to us.”
Pez’s eyes flickered from Alex to Henry a couple of times. “I see that it’s good news all around, then.”
“Now, when it comes to the situation at hand,” Alex said, clearing his throat. “I will get a mask for myself and put you under IV sedation first for analgesia, and then I’ll get the forceps and set you up. Pez, I will need you to go back outside for now. Unfortunately, you cannot stay during the procedure. Henry will be fine, alright?”
The very subject of conversation suddenly went very, very pale.
“Are you going to operate?” he asked around a shriek.
“Not operate, no. We’ll set you up in a lithotomy position – that’s the one people usually give birth to, don’t panic, and then I’ll get a speculum to open you up and I’ll reach out with forceps to get the toy out. It’s all local anesthesia; it’s perfectly safe and quick, and I promise you will be okay, Henry.”
Henry whined. “I’m an idiot, and I’m never putting things up my butt ever again.”
“Let’s not make promises we can’t keep, yeah?” With a wink at Pez and another promise that Henry would be out of the OR soon, Alex asked one of the nurses to lead Pez outside. He prepared Henry with the help of Julia carefully, noticing the slight tremble of his hand when she pushed the IV into his veins.
“If it makes you feel any better,” he stage whispered, feeling thankful for his team and the obvious way Julia and Natasha busied themselves around the bed, pretending not to hear, “I am used to taking things out of people’s butt at least five times a day.”
“It doesn’t,” Henry moaned pathetically, his eyes rolling out in his sockets as the IV slowly took effect. “Fine, alright. If I’m the first-ever patient to die out of embarrassment, I want the move to be named after me.”
“We will,” Alex promised, “And we’ll make a fortune out of it, and I’ll quit my job and ride out with Pez into the sunset.”
“You wouldn’t last a day with Pez. He’s hard work, you know.”
“I think you’d be surprised.”
Leaving it at that and loving the little dip between Henry’s brows at the obvious teasing, Alex reached out for the now-furnished tray.
Having his legs in stirrups was not the worst thing in the world, Henry remarked, a little doozy, but according to him, having a sexy doctor probing inside of his ass was not his first idea of a good time.
“Not that I’ve never thought about it,” he insisted for the second time, and Alex looked up from his work just long enough to see Julia muffle a laugh behind her hand. “Obviously, as a gay man in my late twenties who’s been repressed for most of my life, I have very specific kinks. Not that the doctor one was very high up, but you know. I’m pretty sure you would turn anyone a little gay, in fairness.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Alex said slowly. “How are you feeling, Henry?”
“Doozy. Very good. This is strong, you know that?”
In all the years he’d spent in the ER, Alex had to admit he’d never gotten tired of the fascinating effects of IV sedation on shy patients.
“I bet it is,” he said, holding back a snort. “I get it that you’re not in pain, yeah?”
“Oh, noooo. I’m not in pain. I actually can’t feel my arse, which is pretty weird.” From his place between Henry’s legs, Alex could see the frown that had taken room between Henry’s eyebrows. “I’m not used to not feeling it, if you know what I mean. Well, obviously, you know what I mean. Because I’m lying there with a gorgeous man between my legs, and not in a fun way, all because I’m working on my book day and night, and I don’t even go out anymore. How am I supposed to date if I’m not going out? I hate dating apps. They scare me so much, and I’m just so awkward. I’d rather meet someone the old-fashioned way, you know?” Without awaiting an answer, he sighed, “But meet and cutes in bookstores only happen in movies, and so I had to find an alternative way to have a good time. Which led me here and now, and I don’t know what’s worse.”
Alex had no idea what to reply to that. In truth, there was nothing he could have said that would have made things better for Henry, especially now. He’d managed to twist the toy enough to get a good grip with the forceps, and the procedure would be over soon enough.
“This is so embarrassing,” Henry moaned, letting his head fall back onto the bed. “I’m sorry I’m making you do this. I’m a terrible person.”
“It’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing,” Alex chirped from between his legs, “Or if I say things like, ‘I see the head!’”
“You’re the worst doctor I’ve ever seen. This is an outrage.”
A laugh bubbled out of Alex’s throat. Carefully, he grabbed the now visible head of the toy with a steady grip on the forceps, guiding it down as slowly and carefully as he could. Truthfully, he could have done it with his eyes closed, the motions so familiar it was as easy as breathing. When he finally extracted the offending object, letting it clatter on the tray to his right, Henry let out a choked-off sound of relief that echoed Alex’s.
“Tell me I am toy free,” He slurred, head lolling to the side.
Alex chuckled again. “You are officially toy-free, Henry. You did so well.”
Getting up, Alex smiled at the nurse who’d come to pick up the tray and instruments, shuffling around the place quietly. His attention snapped back to Henry, his beautiful blue eyes a little hazy, and golden hair spread around his face like a halo. The barest hint of a smile found its way to the corner of his mouth.
“That’s not something I hear very often outside of sex, I’ve got to admit.”
Alex chuckled. “Talking about sex…”
“I know. I am a very irresponsible person and I will get new toys, I promise.”
“I was just gonna say, no sex for a few days, yeah? Let your body rest and bounce back from that, yeah?”
“So, no sexy doctor’s fingers up my arse either?” Henry asked, and Alex nearly choked on his own saliva.
“No, sweetheart. There’s no tearing, and your tissues will heal up just fine. No need for me to put my fingers in there to check anything.”
Henry pouted. “Pity.”
“I’ll get you set up in a room for the night, and get someone to check you up in the morning, okay?”
“Mmh, alright. Hey, Alex?” The latter stopped by the door, looking back at Henry with a raised eyebrow, “I hope I was your favorite patient today. Even if I stuck things up my arse and you quite literally had to go fetch it up there.”
Alex’s lips turned into a slow smile. “Rest, Henry.”
He was out of the door before Henry could even reply.
When his shift ended, Alex was not as tired and worn out as he’d felt a few hours before. A charming pair of blue eyes kept dancing in his mind, even as he went on and about during the night, treating three more patients after Henry. 8 am finally arrived, and Nora let out a groan of relief as their shift finally came to an end. Rotation arrived, taking their place in the locker room, and still, Alex couldn’t get Henry out of his mind.
“I’ll be two seconds,” he told Nora, jogging to the front desk where his favorite receptionist worked tonight, “Hey, Charlotte. Would you leave a message to a patient for me?”
Her green eyes lit up with barely disguised curiosity. “Sure. What’s up?”
“It’s for Henry Fox, he’s in 3. If you could just give him this note? Thanks so much. I’ll get you a coffee tomorrow, yeah?”
As curious as he knew her to be, he hoped that Charlotte would not peak at the note. There, in black cursive, he’d left a quickly scribbled message to his favorite patient of the night, in an act of unprofessionalism he’d rather not think too much about.
Hey, Henry.
I hope you’ll come down from your sedation okay and that the experience was not too traumatic for you. And, if you ever feel like exploring safer options for your next non-bookstore date, feel free to give me a text.
xxx-xxx-xxx.
Alex.