Chapter Text
1.
When Squiddo had first joined Lifesteal she had been invited to Ashswag's wedding, happy to be there and happy to be able to witness Ashswag get unwillingly married to Parrot for the laughs. It was only until later when they had realized that they didn't exactly have a base to stay at, and from the looks of it things were already starting to get hostile again. She had been scared, and it seemed Ashswag took notice of that. Which was why she was extremely grateful when Ashswag offered for her to stay at his base.
"You can stay with me, y'know.. for now, at least. Until I know you won't get murdered in five seconds." Ashswag had said, and Squiddo smiled as bright as ever, because she knew that just meant for as long as she wanted to. Or until Ashswag eventually got tired of them. They shook that thought away.
Ashswag, despite being angry that Squiddo had known about the wedding and didn't tell him, which resulted in him getting murdered after his own wedding, had accepted her apology gift of one heart and decided to let Squiddo stay with him and the rest of the La La Legion, joining them despite being one of the worst pvpers on the server. Of course, the rest of the legion was okay with it.
The two knew each other before the server, just not as close as they could've been considering they never really had many servers together (besides for the One House SMP, but that was a long time ago, and the two barely even knew each other then), but now they had Lifesteal and were gonna be able to stick together a lot longer and be able to get closer.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" They had squealed, jumping into Ashswag's arms and wrapping her arms around him tightly, who sucked in a sharp breath at the hug.
Squiddo hadn't thought much about the hug, but she definitely should've asked before lunging at Ash like that. She never got much affection herself, but she knew she enjoyed it a lot, every now and then a hug from some of her friends when they parted ways, but it was always bittersweet, and they felt as if they could never savour the moment enough to really take it in.
On the other hand, Ashswag wasn't used to physical affection, but he didn't know how to feek about it. He had the occasional brush against hands with Reddoons (or the feeling of lips pressing against lips, but that was a whole other can of worms) and sometimes a slap on the back whenever whoever he was with was cheering about something, and it's not like he's never gotten a hug before, he's gotten plenty from his friends, and everytime he was jumpy about it, not sure what to do besides laugh awkwardly. It was just the fact that he hadn't had a hug in a while. He broke out of his thoughts and looked down at Squiddo, chuckling a bit and deciding that he enjoyed it when it was them. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud.
So instead of saying any thought that was running through his mind, he smiled softly and rubbed her back. "Don't mention it." He replied, looking down at her fondly as he hesitantly returned the hug.
2.
"So.. you and Reddoons, hm?" Squiddo teased, a playful smile on their face.
Ashswag's face flushed as he turned to look at Squiddo. Red had came by the previous night and slept over, stealing Squiddo's spot as Ash's cuddle buddy, but she didn't stay salty over it, instead opting to tease Ash about it in the morning after Red left. They sat at the table, currently eating their breakfast. It had only been a couple of minutes since Red had left.
"What about him?" Ashswag pressed and Squiddo shrugged, but the grin on her face told him that she did know and was definitely gonna say it. "Nothingg- just the fact that you are incredibly down bad for him." They said casually, sticking their fork in their scrambled eggs and stuffing them in their mouth. Ashswag sputtered nonsense before finally catching himself and taking a deep breath. "I am /not/ 'down bad' for Reddoons. I don't know where you got that from." He said, taking an angry bite of of his bacon. Squiddo only giggled at his reaction. "Sureee.." they dragged out, playing with their eggs as they continued. "Then why did you get so giggly when he was around?" She questioned.
Ash rolled his eyes. "I didn't get giggly. Ever consider that i actually have funny friends?" Squiddo gave him an unbelieving look. "He made an egg pun and you let out the loudest laugh I had ever heard." She deadpanned, and he was quick to jump to his own defense. "Egg puns are funny!" Horrible defense.
"Dude, you literally fawn over him like.. all the time. I saw you staring at him with hearts in your eyes." Squiddo had exaggerated with a small giggle, and Ashswag blushed. He did stare at Red a lot, but that was because he was a good looking dude! That did not mean he had a crush on him! "I did not have hearts in my eyes!" He argued. "Could've fooled me!" Squiddo argued back.
"He's a good looking guy, doesn't mean I'm like- in love with him!" Ash shouted.
"It totally does- oh my void! I can imagine it now! A floral wedding, you wearing a wedding dress again-" Squiddo had pulled Ashswag into a tight hug, giggling as she went on and on about Ash's and Red's fake wedding.
"Oh void, shut up!" He whined, deflating in their arms.
"-and I could be your best man!-"
Ash groaned.
3.
Ashswag was so tired.
He had stayed up all night finishing something he had been working on for the past few days, not taking long to get the stuff he needed for it or the actual doing it part, he just procrastinated a lot. But now it was done, and he had just finished stitching the last pieces of fabric. He stretched it, making sure it was sturdy enough and not going to tear or break apart the moment he or Squiddo, the girl he had made one of them for, tried it on.
It was so stupid, but once Ash had the idea he couldn't help but actually do it. So he dyed some sheep, got some wool and got to work. He made his pair first, making sure that if he fucked it up, it would at least be his pair. He wanted this gift to be perfect.
It was matching pajamas, just a plain long sleeve shirt and plaid sweats, but he dubbed them pajamas so who cared. His pair was plain purple, the pants just being different shades of the color while the long sleeve was solid purple. He had fucked up on his a lot, but it turned out great. Squiddo's was obviously orange, practically a copy and paste of their endless wardrobe of orange tops.
He laid them out on his bed and looked at them, his were meant to fit him, so he sized down Squiddo's pair and prayed they would fit her. Finally, he folded the orange pair and put it in a bag. The morning sun shone in through his window and he sighed. Guess he should give it to her while she was awake. He put on his pair first, putting his worn clothes in the basket for dirty clothes.
He left his room and set towards Squiddo's room, knocking at the door. It was opened by a half asleep Squiddo. "Hm?" They hummed lazily, letting out a soft yawn as they began to slowly wake up. "I, uh.." Void, why was this embarrassing? "I made you something." He quickly finished, earning an excited gasp from Squiddo. "Really?" She slowly grabbed the bag from him, looking inside. "Clothes.. wait.." They pulled out the neatly folded clothes in a bunched up ball of clothes. "Oh my void, you didn't!" They looked at his pajamas then at the ones they were holding.
"Wait here!" All the tiredness in her voice and appearance seemingly faded away as she ran to the bathroom with the pajamas. Ashswag had a grin on his face at their reaction, waiting at Squiddo's before the girl had come running back in the pajamas. "Look at us!" She squealed, running into him and giving him the tightest hug Ashswag has ever received. "Thank you, Ash." She softly said after calming down a little bit.
"No problem." He mumbled, yawning as he returned the hug. They pulled back from the hug a bit, looking up at him. "Hm.. wanna go nap in our new matching pj's?" They asked with a dumb smile. Suddenly all of Ashswag's exhaustion was catching up to him. "Definitely."
Ashswag didn't really care that the nap took place in Squiddo's bed, and he didn't seem to care about the cuddling either.
4.
It was a surprise to Ashswag when he found out Squiddo was a glitch like himself, he never asked how or why, because really, if he didn't know how he was a glitch himself he didn't really expect Squiddo to know either. But it was nice. It was nice to have someone to relate with and compare their similarites with. It was something that brought the two closer together, as well as bringing the them comfort as well, knowing they aren't alone in this.
He remembers finding Squiddo hunched over the toilet puking her guts out, and remembered when he had felt the same way. So he knelt down and rubbed her back when she breathed heavily and sobbed softly. He knew what this was like, he's had his fair share of spending hours of the night on this same bathroom floor. Ash comforted them in the best way he could, and took them to bed the second they were done throwing up and crying.
That was a week ago, and now he was starting to think that maybe this glitch fever shit was actually contagious because currently he found himself coughing his lungs out and glitching like crazy a week later.
Okay, he knew the glitch stuff wasn't contagious between him and Squiddo, but he was sick so let him be dramatic and blame /somebody/ over this.
Probably rudely awaken from his coughing, Squiddo walked into Ashswag's room a bit later with a grimace on their face. "You alright?" They asked, getting closer to where he was on the bed with no sign of hesitation. They knew they wouldn't get sick. They eventually sat next to him in the bed. "'M fine, at least I'm not throwing up." It was weird, he usually only threw up when he felt like this, but now all he had was just coughing with the occasional glitch that would send him into another coughing fit. Not like he was complaining though.
Squiddo hummed. "Your throat hurting? I can make you some chamomile tea." They said as they watched Ash sway around a little bit. He smiled. "That'd be great." Ash replied. He turned to Squiddo when she stood up from the bed, leaving the room quickly as she shouted- "I'll only be a minute!"
He smiled lazily. He really didn't deserve her as a friend.
He laid down and groaned weakly, glitching and beginning to feel the tell tale signs of a headache. He sniffled and coughed, wanting this to be over with. Void, he took his cleared nose for granted, now all he had was a congested one he couldn't even breathe out of. As he closed his eyes, he began to prepare himself for a restless nap, but was rudely awoken by Squiddo barging back into the room, a mug of steaming chamomile tea in her hands. "I'm back!" They announced, but quickly faltered when she took in his state and the wince he responded with to her shouting.
"Sorry." They whispered, incing closer and sitting on the edge of his bed, setting the mug on his nightstand. "C'mon, get up. I also got you some ibuprofen, if it helps?" Despite the fact they had the same occasional sickness, they didn't really know if pain meds helped at all for Ashswag. He groaned and slowly sat up with a bit of help from Squiddo. He thought for a bit, the ibuprofen might help with his headache, so he'll take it anyway.
Ash grabbed the mug by the handle and held his hand out for the ibuprofen. Squiddo was quick to place two of them into his open hand. He quickly popped the pills into his mouth and swallowed them down with the help of the soothing warm tea. He hummed a bit. "You out honey in here?" He asked. "Thought it would help with the throat..?" Squiddo replied, laughing a bit nervously. Ashswag smiled against the rim of the mug. "It does. Thank you." He muttered out before taking another sip of the tea. To him, this shit was like ambrosia to his irritated throat.
"No problem!" She said, giving him a bright smile before pushing up her glasses. "You need anything else?" She asked, she could go get him some food, an ice pack, a bucket for him to throw up in if he ever needed to, but Ashswag simply shook his head. "No. But if you can.. stay with me?" He asked, patting the empty side of the bed next to him with the hand that wasn't holding the mug. Squiddo's bright smile somehow seemed to get brighter. It was blinding in all of the best ways. He set the mug on the bedside table.
The girl was quick to shuffle next to Ashswag, pulling the comforter over her but scooting close to Ash. "Of course I can, silly." They teased, and Ash rolled his eyes and was about to retort with a tease of his own, but Squiddo had already pulled the man into a gentle hug, her head resting on his shoulder as the two of them swayed slightly. It was more of a side hug than anything, but it still made Ash feel comforted.
He still felt like absolute shit, but at least he had Squiddo.
5.
This was awkward.
It was past midnight, and Ashswag sat on the lid of the toilet in the bathroom, patiently waiting for Squiddo to come back from cleaning up the mess he had left. He felt far away. He stared down at the tiled bathroom floor, stuck in his own racing thoughts as he waited, and waited, and waited. The world felt like it was fast fowarding and being slowed down at the same time. He felt as if he had been sitting in the bathroom forever. His head felt heavy, the air around him unbreathable, his wrists stinging- wrists stinging?
Oh. Right.
He had relapsed.
His fingers twitched around the white towel Squiddo had made him press against his wrists when they found him. He was standing in the kitchen, blade against his wrist-
He shook his head. He shouldn't think about that right now. He had never been caught before, and now that he had he didn't know how to feel about it. What if they used it against him? Got mad him? Ash felt tears spring to his eyes but he furiously blinked them away and bit his lip. He knew Squiddo. She wouldn't do that.
After what felt like hours, the door to the bathroom opened. Squiddo entered, shutting the door quietly behind herself. She was wearing the matching pair of pajamas the both of them had. The one both of them were currently wearing. He looked down at his pair, noting the blood that had made its way onto the shirts sleeves. He frowned. He ruined it.
"Hey." Squiddo said softly, and Ashswag looked at them. "Can I touch you?" They asked, hands open as if they were already ready to, but they waited for his permission. He nodded, and they smiled. Her hands slowly peeled the now red stained towel away from his hand and wrist, placing it on the counter of the sink. Ash noticed the first aid kit that sat there as well. When did Squiddo bring that in? Guess he didn't notice.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but I really just want to know if you're okay." Squiddo began, grabbing a disinfectant wipe to wipe away the dried blood around the cuts, quickly swiping over the cuts to clean them correctly, swiping quickly just like the way the blade did to make them. Ash looked up at her, and she stared back at him, her movements slowing. He took a deep breath before speaking. "Not.. not now." 'Not you' was left unsaid.
He didn't want to make Squiddo pity him, he didn't want to make them feel bad for him. He didn't want to put that baggage on them. This was his battle, and he was unaccepting of anymore wanting to help.
"Okay. You know you can always talk to me though, right?" They asked, throwing the wipe into the trash next to the toilet. Ash slowly nodded. "I know it's hard to talk about, and you don't want to seem like a burden, but.." She grabbed gauze and began to bandage his wrist, slowly wrapping it around. "Please. If you ever feel like doing this to yourself again, please come to me. We don't have to talk about it, you can just sit with me. We can just sleep. I just don't want you to hurt yourself." Squiddo explained, her voice straining a little at the end as she spoke. If they were going to be completely honest, seeing him hurt made them feel horrible.
They didn't know what is was, maybe it was because of how attatched to him they've been now, but either way, she cared about him, and seeing him like was something they didn't want to see.
Ashswag looked at her when she finished bandaging his wrist and nodded. "Okay. I promise. I'm.. I'm sorry." Ash mumbled, and they quickly shook her head. "Don't apologize, It's okay. I'm sorry you feel like this." She said before slowly wrapping her arms around him, pulling him close to her chest. Their hand rubbed his back as they tried to be as comforting as they could. There was only so much she could do besides bandage and hug him, especially if he wasn't ready to open up about what was wrong yet.
Ashswag knew this wouldn't be the last time he would feel like this, but he knew he had somebody to lean on the next time he did.