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Getting outed by a god was the worst. Especially the second time around. And it was somehow worse when it was with the same guy both times.
Nico curled up in a ball on his bed in his cabin. He was too weak to shadow travel but he was pretty sure he was going to be sick.
There was a knock at the door. A familiar pattern tapped out often by a gentle hand. Only now Nico didn’t rush to open the door. He prayed he remembered to lock it, and of course, he didn’t.
“Neeks?” Jason said outside.
Nico didn’t respond. He was pretty sure he was hyperventilating. His cabin suddenly felt impossibly small, but so did he.
“I’m coming in,” Jason said decidedly, pushing the door open. He looked around before seeing Nico on his bed.
Jason walked over cautiously like Nico was something feral that was going to attack at any moment. He leaned down at the side of the bed, looking up at Nico.
“Nico…take some deep breaths. It’s ok.”
Nico did his best to follow the advice, but he couldn’t. His heart was pounding in his ears and he still felt so weak.
Jason put a large hand over Nico’s own shaking one and squeezed it lightly. For a moment, everything felt better. Nico could finally breathe again.
Then, a quick pang of pain from his ribs from wearing his binder for too long hit him, and he winced.
Worse than that, Jason’s eyes scanned him over carefully. Nico knew that was just what he did, but now he felt so vulnerable. He never minded Jason’s eyes before, but now they felt so piercing.
“Nico, I promise it doesn't matter to me. It’s ok, I don’t see you want differently-”
“It’s not that.”
Nico’s voice was harsh, sharpened with annoyance, but not at Jason. He swallowed, calming his breath and letting himself untie his tongue.
“It’s not that,” Nico repeated, a little more steady.
Jason hesitated, squeezing Nico’s hand again and being pleased when Nico squeezed back. “What is it then?”
Nico sighed. “I wanted to do it on my own terms. I just…not again.”
Jason’s eyes softened. The panic in his eyes left as he noticed Nico had calmed down considerably.
“Want a do-over?” Jason asked.
“What?”
“Here, right now, I’ll act like I have no clue. Then, you can say whatever you need to say.”
Nico twisted his face. “I don’t see what that’s going to do.”
“It might make you feel better.”
Nico decided he couldn’t possibly feel worse, and nodded shakily before letting Jason sit up on the bed with him.
Jason cleared his throat, getting into his newfound character. “There was something you wanted to tell me?”
Nico squeezed his hand. The words weren’t new to him, he’d said them a million times. Still, something about saying what he had to to Jason made it feel horrible.
“Jason,” Nico started, timidly. “I’m a transgender man. I know you wouldn’t see me differently, and I know it won’t impact our relationship, but it’s an important part of my identity that I wanted to share with you.”
The sentences poured out of his mouth, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue like he’d swallowed poison.
Jason pulled him into a giant bear hug. It was a kind they rarely shared. Still, Nico hugged back.
Nico felt tears welt in his eyes. He tried to look up so they wouldn’t leave his eyes, but they rolled down his cheeks in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time. To be honest, he was pretty sure his tear ducts stopped working after the age of twelve.
When they released the hug, Jason looked alarmed. He had never seen Nico cry.
“Sorry,” Nico sniffled, half-laughing. “I have no idea why I’m crying.”
“It’s ok,” Jason smiled, thumbing away a tear for him.
A second of silence came between them, splitting them in half while Jason’s hand remained on Nico’s cheek.
“Bianca is the only other person who I ever told,” Nico muttered. The name was unfamiliar, a horrible feeling.
Jason looked at him softly. He stood suddenly, grabbing Nico’s weighted blanket from the other side of the room. He threw it on him, helped rearrange his pillows, and hugged Nico once again.
Just as he was about to leave, Nico stopped him.
“You can stay. Or—I guess—can you stay?” Nico corrected.
Jason smiled and sat next to him without a word. Nico slept soundly, Jason’s protective presence ensuring not a thing would happen.