Work Text:
Buck brushes his fingers against his lips. He doesn’t feel his age at the moment. He’s not a thirty-two-year-old man standing in his apartment, but the fourteen-year-old that just got a handjob from his first girlfriend at the back of the Track bus. He’s felt something life-changing and the world expects him to move on in the same way he did when Jenny Howards took her hand out of his pants covered in spunk.
Except this is more monumental than the first time he did anything sexual with a girl. Buck kissed a man and it felt nice. It didn’t feel wrong in any way. Buck eagerly went along when Tommy gripped his chin kissing him.
Even thirty minutes later as he wistfully walks around his apartment he can’t get what happened out of his head. He kissed a man.
Buck really kissed a man. And he would have continued if Tommy didn’t have work.
Buck tried to call Eddie to apologize— and he can’t believe that he’s saying this — but he’s glad that Eddie didn’t pick up. He didn’t want to explain what just happened.
Buck wants to call someone to tell them but he doesn’t want to have the uncomfortable conversation that comes with telling them.
There’s only one person he could drop this news on and get the appropriate reaction.
As Buck curls up on the couch he hates so much he pulls up a text thread from last week littered with emojis and memes about some trashy television show they’ve both been getting into lately. Taking a deep breath Buck hits call.
The longer the phone rings the more Buck wants to throw up. At the last moment, the phone picks up.
“I’m at work.”
Buck imagines TK staring down at his phone while he goes about his business with a scowl. The way his eyebrows scrunch as he tries not to deny the fact that he wants to stop everything to hear whatever Buck thinks is good enough to justify a real phone call. For a millisecond Buck feels bad for calling but it’s quickly wiped away. “Are you busy?”
“Just got back from a car fire. It’s fine. I was getting out of the shower when you called.”
Buck can’t deny how his head gets fuzzy at the thought. Images of TK naked run wild through his mind like some teen boy loose with a Sports Illustrated. He can freely think about that stuff now because he kissed a guy. He’s going on a date. Still, he wipes the image from his mind.
“You should have invited me,” Buck purrs.
TK barks out a laugh. “You’re so cute, straight boy, but my husband won’t like that.”
Ever since the first time TK rejected Buck the idea of them hooking up has become an inside joke. It’s never been Buck who initiated the joke. Instead, he sputters as TK pokes at his sexuality and how he must be attracted to TK because he looks like a sex god.
“About that.”
“About what?”
“Straight boy.” Buck is greeted by TK’s bare chest on his screen as the call is switched to FaceTime.
“What do you mean, Buckley? Answer me now, Evan Buckley.” TK steps back as he proceeds to pull on his uniform pants then decides the rest is not necessary.
“Well, Tyler Kennedy, I um-” Now that he’s faced with saying the words out loud Buck is scared. “I kissed a guy.”
“You did?” Buck’s view is shaky as TK goes running towards the bunk room. Shouts echo through the background asking where his shirt and shoes are. Once he lands with a thump he smiles at Buck. “You finally kissed Eddie?”
“No.”
“No? You kissed a man and it wasn’t Eddie.”
“Eddie is straight.”
TK laughs. “No, he’s not. That man is gayer than a pride parade.” He smiles at Buck and it’s soft. Genuine and warm. “I want you to know that I am supportive of you. You’re brave for putting yourself out there and kissing a guy.”
“It’s scary.” Buck pulls a blanket off the back of his couch wrapping it around himself. It’s soft and smells like Eddie from all the time he’s hung around.
“Taking that first step is always scary. Tell me about this guy.”
“He’s a new friend of Eddie named Tommy. They were spending all their time together and I couldn’t handle it. I felt this deep rage. Both towards him and towards Eddie. I was so jealous. I didn’t know what to do so I pushed Eddie while playing basketball and injured him. And Tommy came over to apologize. I didn’t know he even tolerated me until he offered to teach me Muay Thai. He was looking at me like one of the guys in the romances my sister makes me watch with her. He wanted to devour me.”
“Did he?”
“Kinda.” Buck hates the squeak in his voice like he’s slid right back into puberty. “He had to get to work, but we have a date on Saturday. Maybe there will be more devouring.”
“You seem to like him.”
“Before he kissed me I hated him a little bit. He seemed so cool and nice at first because he was a helicopter pilot then he was spending all his time with Eddie and I hated him.”
“You’re in love with Eddie.”
And that’s the heart of why Buck feels like the boy who just got his world rocked by Jenny Howards. In the same way that losing his virginity felt groundbreaking as a teenager letting himself be open with his sexuality is earth-shattering.
“I’m bisexual.” It’s only when he goes to wipe his eyes that Buck realizes that he’s crying. “Am I really stupid enough to fall in love with Eddie?”
“You’re not stupid. You’re just romantic.”
“Should I still go on my date with Tommy?”
“Yes. Go and enjoy yourself. Let this romance with Tommy go as far as it can and when it dies out go and get your man.”
“Thanks.”
The two lapse into silence digesting everything Buck has thrown at TK.
That’s when Eddie’s number pops up on the screen.
“Eddie is calling.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“No, but Tommy told me to apologize for hurting him.”
TK mockingly salutes. “Bye, Buckley.”
The call ends leaving Buck with the hardest decision of his life.