Lessons in Muggle Cultures (and Other Herculean Tasks)

by moonscone

Summary:

It’s the summer before 6th year, and while Sirius doesn't know much, there is one thing he is certain of: Remus Lupin is in danger.

Sirius, enlisting the help of James, is prepared to make any sacrifice to be there for his friend. Together, they go through trial after trial in an attempt to help Remus.

If Sirius has learnt one thing, it's this:

There is nothing more bleak, more despicable, or more loathsome... than muggle Wales.

“JAMES!” Sirius called in a panic, the parchment slipping from his fingers, “JAMES!”

Sirius tore through the house, searching for his brother. He ran through James’ bedroom, the living room, the kitchen (giving Effie a quick kiss on the forehead as he ran past), before finally locating James in the garden.

“We have to go, now!” Sirius cried, running up to where James hovered on his broomstick. Sirius grabbed the twiggy end of it and started to tug down.

“ Ah - Sirius!” James squawked, grappling on to the broom in an attempt to stay balanced. The attempt was futile, as James went tumbling overboard, crashing into the ground. Sirius did not wait a second before he was on James, tugging him up by his collar and leading him towards the house.

“Quickly, James,” Sirius said urgently, after James tripped over himself for the third time, “We’ve got to leave now, before it’s too late! Before they hurt him. Before-”

“Sirius,” James struggled against Sirius’ tight hold. James said his name again before finally regaining his wits. He clawed Sirius’ hands off his shirt, and planted his heels firmly in the ground. “What on Gaia’s green earth is going on?”

“ Moony, ” Sirius seethed, his heart tightening as he thought of the words his friend had written, “Moony is what’s going on. They’re going to hurt him, they’re going to torture him! We have to go, we have to save him!”

The colour drained from James’ face. He floundered for a few seconds, before his face settled into one of determination. He charged forward into the house, storming up to his room, Sirius hot on his heels.

“Who is they exactly? The death eaters?” James asked over his shoulder, as he searched for his wand.

“I’m not sure.” Sirius stuck his thumb between his teeth, biting at his already shred up nail beds. He felt nauseous with anxiety, with not knowing . Remus had been so cavalier in his letter, so unbothered. But that was just like him. A new anti-werewolf legislation announced? Trust Remus to be void of any emotion, detached and unconcerned with the consequences. He nearly loses a limb during his transformation? It’s ‘ not so bad with the healing potions. Really, Pads, relax. ’

So, of course Remus would be calm about this. Of course he would grin and bear it, just to seem fine and normal. But this- this was going too far. Surely, even Remus must see that?

James located his wand, and turned to Sirius, face grim and ready for the worst.

“Right. So what happened, exactly? What’s our plan?”

“He just wrote to me that- that he-” Sirius choked, eyes stinging with emotion. Merlin, he felt stupid. But it wasn’t fair. When would Remus get a break? When would Remus get a chance to live normally? Peacefully ?

“I don’t- I don’t know how to help- where to go- I can’t-” Sirius’ eyes began to dart around the room, his breathing quickened. He clutched at his chest, wishing he could shove his heart back where it belonged.

“Hey, hey, Sirius, breathe,” James came into view. He put his hand on Sirius’ shoulders, looking him steadily in the eye. Sirius regained the slightest control of his body. “What’s wrong? We can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“The letter,” Sirius rasped. Before he could say anything else, James flicked his wand, summoning the letter from Remus that had arrived only half an hour ago.

“Fourth paragraph down,” Sirius whispered, trailing his fingers down the parchment. He read over James’ shoulder, letting the words really sink in.

As for the full, the paragraph began, it really could have been worse. I’m a bit scratched up, yes, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Nothing I haven’t handled before. So, really Pads, you can quit nagging me. And before you say you don’t nag- must I remind you of last month? When you sent me a howler at 5:00 in the morning because I hadn’t written to you the second I turned back? While having your hysteric cries echo in my sensitive ears was a lovely, shrilless way to wake up after a night of tearing myself apart, I am thankful you practised some restraint this time around. If it ever gets bad, I promise I’ll tell you. Or, I suppose Mam will, for if it’s really bad, I probably won’t be able to write.

Alas, I know you love having something to fret over. So here’s this: I’m getting some teeth pulled today. Horrible timing, I know, but it was the only time they could fit me in before I go to visit you. I’ve never had a tooth pulled before, let alone four. Suffice it to say, I’m a bit anxious about the whole ordeal. Two of them haven’t even properly grown in yet, so they’ll have to cut my gums open, crack the teeth into shards, and then scoop them out. Despite having my bones break on a regular basis, the thought of my shattered teeth still makes me feel like I’ve chugged a pint of curdled milk. 

Anyway, that’s what’s going on in my life. Hoping I won’t be any less wise the next time I see you. Merlin knows I’ll need all the wisdom I can get if we’re to survive sixth year…

Sirius dragged his gaze back up to James upon hearing his gasp.

James had two fingers pressed to his lips, his eyes wide and confused as he scanned the message.

“He’s having teeth pulled?”

“Cracked, apparently.”

“That’s-” James spluttered, “That’s barbaric! Why would they do that!”

“I don’t know,” Sirius muttered darkly, looking back at the letter, “but no doubt it’s some half-witted attempt to regulate werewolves. I bet the ministry wants to pull out his ‘fangs’ or something stupid like that. ‘Can’t have a human werewolf walking around with pointy teeth, now, can we’?”

James crumpled the letter in his fist. 

“You’re right. We need to go now, before he gets hurt.”

“Where should we start? The ministry?”

James paced the room, running a hand through his hair.

“No… they’d never let us in. Even if they did, how would we explain that we know what’s happening to Remus? That could only endanger him.”

Sirius felt a chill seep through him. He leaned back against James’ desk. It felt so debilitating to not be able to help Remus in his time of need. They’d finally gotten the animagus transformations down, and that was, what, all for nothing? How were they supposed to help Remus when they couldn’t even protect him in his time of need?

“When do you think he wrote that? An hour ago?”

“Maybe,” Sirius said hollowly, looking down at his hands, “but sometimes he gets Hope to send his letters a while after he’s written them. Sometimes I’ll get letters from him during a full, after he’s already transformed.”

“Really?” James was looking at him suspiciously, “I don’t get letters from him.”

Sirius studiously watched his own hand as it drew circles onto the desk.

“Yes, well, you read the bit about the howler. Sometimes I need… reassurance. That he’s okay.”

“Mmm.” 

Sirius flicked his gaze over to James again. He was clearly smothering a smirk. He had an air smugness to him, like he knew something Sirius didn’t. 

“And what exactly does Moony write to you in these letters?”

“That’s-” Sirius stuttered, his cheeks reddening as he thought of Remus’ last mid-transformation letter, when he’d jokingly called Sirius a good boy, and said he was so patient and obedient for waiting on Moony to turn back into a boy. 

“Not important,” Sirius finished lamely, attempting to rub away his blush.

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up. What are we doing talking about my private correspondence with Moony, anyway? We need to focus on finding him!” Sirius said sharply, perhaps a bit too much defensiveness woven into his speech.

“I say we start at his home. Maybe we can catch him before he leaves, or Hope could tell us where to find him?”

“Good,” Sirius nodded, “let’s do that.”

They readied themselves, and headed down to the floo in the living room. Before James stepped in, he turned to Sirius, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’ll be fine, Padfoot,” James said softly, “we’ll save him.”

If they could get to him in time , Sirius thought bitterly. The Lupins weren’t on the floo network, and despite James and Sirius’ adventurous spirits, they hadn’t yet found the courage to teach themselves how to apparate. 

Sirius shuddered, but quieted the rising emotion choking his throat. He nodded, and James stepped into the fire.

“Wales International Floo Agency!” He shouted, throwing his powder down, disappearing into the air. Sirius was only steps behind him.

What they hadn’t considered, was how they would get from the floo agency to Remus’ house. The Lupin cottage was decidedly off the grid. Meaning no floo, no magical items, and definitely no underage magic. In fact, the only magical thing he could remember from his last visit was the enchanted shed they kept Remus in during full moons. The Lupins were as removed from wizarding society as one family could be, which presented itself a challenge for two purebloods such as Sirius and James.

“Maybe we can call the night bus?” Sirius offered, as they stepped into a busy Cardiff street.

“Brilliant idea!” James exclaimed, “if only we had any money.”

“Shoot,” Sirius breathed. While rushing out to immediately rescue your friend was a valiant act, it did hinder their resources. The only money they had was whatever was in their pockets.

“You reckon muggles got buses?” James asked, squinting his eyes at the high noon sun.

“Sure they do. But not like we’ve got money for that either.”

“Yeah, but we’re wizards. Shouldn’t be too hard to trick a muggle into a free ride.”

Sirius shrugged. “Alright, it’s worth a try.”

They stood on the street, neither moving.

“Err… do you think we should move?”

“No,” Sirius said confidently, “the night bus comes right to us, doesn’t it? I’m sure that’s how these muggle buses work too. They just come rolling down the street, and we can get on and off whenever we want.”

James scratched his chin. 

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Trust me, what would the point of a bus be, if not to take you to your exact location?”

James did not look eased by this. After waiting around anxiously for half an hour, he’d decided he’d had enough.

“‘Scuse me,” He interrupted a man passing by them, “do you know how to catch a bus?”

“ da’I’know how ta casha’us? Corse I’da,” the man scoffed, speaking so fast James had to take a moment to comprehend before continuing. 

“Er, would you mind telling us how?”

The man barked out one long, heavily accented word. Or maybe it was 5, but it was dufficult to make out anything in his accent. The man looked at the two of them as if they were stupid. He said the word again, gesturing to the street above them. 

“ Bus Station,” he said very slowly, like he was speaking to a couple of idiots. Which, in this case, he was. He gestured again to the top of the street. The boys finally got the hint, nodding in understanding.

“Thank you, sir!” James said brightly, dragging Sirius up the street before they could engage in any more conversation.

When they arrived at the station, Sirius was taken aback. There were just so many buses. How were they ever going to find the right one?

“Er…” 

“Right,” Sirius clapped his hands, “I’m thinking we get on the closest bus, and just figure it out from there.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea…”

“Nonsense!” Sirius declared, full of false confidence, “I’m sure all the buses end up at the same place anyway. It’s the routes that are different.”

James still looked uneasy.

“But Lily says-”

“Lily lives in England, James. It’s different. They have a million buses going a million ways just to appease the muggle tourists. No one comes to Wales. These here are just for the locals.”

Sirius ignored the two blokes passing by them, who carried large neon hiking backpacks on both their backs and chests, chatting loudly in American accents.

“Trust me, James. I know what I’m doing. I’ve taken muggle studies after all.”

“Yeah, in third year …”

“Look, do you want to save Remus or not?”

James looked at him carefully, eyes full with worry and uncertainty. Finally, he sighed, dropping his head in resignation.

“If we get lost, I’m telling Moony you’re the reason he lost his teeth.”

Sirius ignored him, climbing into a random bus, dropping the few sickles he had in his pocket into the coin collector, and flopping into a seat at the back row. James followed him unwillingly.

“We’ll be fine,” Sirius said reassuringly, “Besides, how big is Wales anyway? It’s not like we’ll go far if we do go the wrong way.”

James only shook his head in exasperation.

 

As a rule, Sirius was never wrong. He would like to make that very clear. Wrong was something Sirius never did, something he could never be. So, when it came to the whole bus fiasco… well, he wasn’t wrong per say, but his rightness was overlooked by some glaring issues.

During the one trip Sirius had made to the Lupins in the summer after second year, he remembered the drive from Cardiff to Remus' home taking almost exactly 2 hours. He knew this, since Hope had insisted on playing the entire run of West Side Story on cassette, which she had gotten as a gift from Remus the Christmas prior. They’d listened to the whole album (Sirius did NOT cry during Somewhere, do NOT listen to Remus. If anything, his eyes got a little dry from the wind blasting through the open windows, and they needed to produce water to get moist again. That is ALL.), and they’d had time to catch up beforehand. So, after two hours on the bus, Sirius declared it was time to get off. He even told the bus driver so. 

The driver hadn’t listened though, he had just grunted for Sirius to sit his arse back down. Sirius did. But only for 5 minutes.

“Excuse me?” He’d said rather haughtily, “but we really need to get off soon. Or we’ll miss Cardigan.”

“Cardigan?" The driver snorted, "Lad, we’re almost at Newtown."

Sirius had looked at him blankly. Geography was never Sirius’ strong suit. If it hadn’t been for the ridiculous fact that Remus lived near a town called Cardigan, Sirius would have thought Remus lived in Cardiff. He honestly assumed that Wales just was Cardiff, aside from a few small towns.

“We’re travelling north,” The driver had said, clearly amused, “your town’s west. Well, south west now.”

The charming smile Sirius had plastered on vanished. 

“It’ll be another two hours from here,” the man continued.

Sirius had felt his world tilt a little.

Not to be deterred, Sirius had taken charge, leading him and James into their new adventure. Newtown had a few less buses than Cardiff, so it was easier to navigate. He’d even done the polite thing, and asked drivers specifically where they were going, and if they’d be stopping at Cardigan. 

There were no direct buses. 

But after going the wrong way once again, and missing their second connecting bus, they finally found themselves in-

“LIVERPOOL!” Sirius screeched, upon the final stop being called. “England? We’re back in fucking England?”

“I thought you were paying attention,” James groaned, dropping his head into his hands. 

“I was! I was being so careful- you saw me! I- oh for fucks sake-” Sirius tried to stand and stretch. He was sick and tired of being folded up between the squished seats. He gave up, and draped himself over James’ back instead. “We’re done for. We’ve missed it. Remus is being mutilated as we speak, all because of these fucking senseless muggles.”

“I don’t think the muggles are the senseless ones.”

Sirius flicked James on the ear.

So, it had been a rough day. A staggering 8 hours of travel, and for no good reason. It was well past dark outside, and all Sirius was left with was a looming sense of dread.

“What do we do James,” he moaned, “I don’t want to give up. He needs us.”

“Fuck it,” James sighed, “we’ll walk around until we find a wizard pub or something, and we’ll floo over.”

“Floo where, James? They aren’t on the network.”

“Back to Cardiff then.”

Sirius groaned. 

“I give up,” Sirius said as he banged his head against James’ back. “It’s over. We’re done for. Cursed to face a life of eternal damnation. We’ll never know peace, never know-”

“Excuse me?”

Sirius paused, bolting upright in his seat. In the row ahead, a girl with bright red curls and round purple glasses had turned around to stare at them through the crack between the seats.

“What?” Sirius barked, holding back a sneer. Couldn’t the girl see he was in the middle of a crisis?

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation,” the girl said, unphased by Sirius’ rudeness. “You know, you really shouldn’t talk so openly about magic.”

“And you shouldn’t eavesdrop on other people’s conversations!”

“Sirius,” James sighed, giving Sirius a withering look that said don’t antagonise the 10 year old girl, dickhead.

Sirius ignored him.

“What do you want?” he asked shortly.

“Well,” the girl started, coyly, “I was going to offer you help. But that was before you were rude-”

“Help?” Sirius snorted, “how could you help.”

The girl held herself primly. 

“I’m here to visit my uncle. His wife’s a wizard, so I was going to offer her help, but…”

“We’ll take it!” James said brightly, putting on his best smile. “Anything would help, honestly. We’d really appreciate it. Wouldn’t we?” He directed this to Sirius, in a tone that gave no room for argument.

“Yes,” Sirius unwillingly agreed, “please help us…?”

“Tilly,” the girl smiled.

Sirius grimaced. 

“Please help us, Tilly.”

The girl nodded, looking very pleased with herself.

Tilly’s aunt and uncle did not look pleased to see two grown, teenage boys trailing after their niece. Even less so, when they heard of how easily they could have breeched the statute of secrecy.

However, after 20 minutes of being on their best behaviour, trying to convince Auntie Denise that they were not creeps who wanted anything to do with her innocent niece, they finally got a solution to their travel problems.

“Have either of you side-along apparated before?” Auntie Denise asked.

Sirius grimaced. While the Blacks preferred floo, it wasn’t uncommon for his mother to drag him, kicking and screaming, into a side-along apparition. He hated apparating. It always made him feel queasy, and like he was missing a limb or two.

“No,” James answered, “Mum thinks it’s wrong to apparate children before they get their licence. Says it scrambles their brains.”

James looked panicked as soon as he finished speaking.

“But we’re set to learn this year! So we can definitely handle it. No brain scrambling will happen today.”

Denise huffed, shaking her head in amusement.

After explaining in great detail where Remus lived (Sirius having miraculously remembered the exact coordinates of the cottage from that time in fourth year when they tried to add it to the marauders map), Denise rolled her shoulders and looked at the boys with determination.

“Right then. Who wants to go first?”

Sirius couldn’t even answer before James shoved him forward, not even pretending to look guilty.

Denise nodded, and stretched out her hand. Sirius steeled himself, bit down the bile and anxiety rising in his chest, and took her hand.

In the blink of an eye, he was standing outside Remus’ cottage. The relief was nearly enough to distract from the nausea, but Sirius knew he was in trouble when his vision started to fill with black dots. His knees buckled, his arms shook. Sirius felt the ghost of his mother’s callous hands gripping his shoulder.

Get a hold of yourself, her shrill voice echoed in his head, Blacks do not get sick over a little apparition.

Sirius leaned his hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath. He distantly registered Denise popping out of existence. He took a deep breath, and commanded himself to stand upright and march towards the front door.

Sirius made it all of three steps before he blacked out.

 

Sirius pressed the button for a third time, bouncing on his heels. 

He’d only blacked out for a few seconds, waking to the sound of James vomiting. As soon as he’d gotten his bearings, he wobbly made his way over to the cottage’s entrance, abandoning James and his heaving to the gravel driveway.

He shook out his hand, cricked his neck, and pressed the button a fourth time. Remus had promised, promised , the door button would work. He had said it was more effective than knocking, or at least more effective than the way Sirius knocked; restless and never ending, going until a door opens or until his knuckles start to bleed. But that was one time and Hope wasn’t even that mortified, so he still didn’t see what the big deal was. Clearly though, Moony had lied. The button didn’t do anything. He pressed it again.

“Just knock,” James yelled between retches, “or alohamora it- just make it open!”

“I’ve got it!” Sirius snapped. James started crawling towards the house, moaning and clutching his belly. As pathetic as he was, Sirius couldn’t spare any kindness. He was stressed enough as it was, and his reaction to the side-along wasn’t helping.

Sirius raised his finger to press the button again. It was on the sixth attempt that the door swung open. 

He heard a clanging bell chime from within the house, but he didn’t get a good chance to listen before Hope Lupin entered his view.

“For Christ’s sake I heard you the first- oh!” Hope stopped abruptly, looking bewildered by Sirius and James’ arrival. “Boys! What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming to get Remus until the end of the month…” She trailed off and looked over her shoulder. She seemed to relax slightly, and pointedly stepped outside to join them, rather than invite them in.

Alarms were blaring in Sirius’ head. Was Hope in on it? Did she not understand the mutilation Remus was undergoing?

“Actually, we’re here to see if-”

“What have you done with him!” Sirius snarled, stepping close to Hope, noses only an inch apart. Hope widened her eyes in alarm and took a quick step back, hitting the front door. 

“ Sirius ,” James admonished.

“Are you happy with yourself? Do you know what this will do to him?”

Hope clutched her chest, but she didn’t look at Sirius in fear. Taken off guard, sure, but the more Sirius spoke the more at ease she began to look. She glanced at James for an explanation, Sirius didn’t want to know how James’ face responded. Sirius liked Hope, he really did. But he knew a thing or two about bad mothers. If Hope Lupin was being a bad mother, he had no qualms going through her. He’d do just about anything to get to Remus. 

“People will label him a freak! They’ll know exactly what happened! The ministry is trying to make life harder for him, and you just handed him over, haven’t you! He’s still human, Hope! He deserves his teeth! He shouldn’t have them removed just because he’s dangerous one night a month- just because wizards are stupid and bigoted and-”

“Sirius,” Hope said warmly, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius stilled instantly, and was made aware of the tears that had begun to sprinkle his cheeks. Hope’s smile was a bit frayed, her right eye twitched, but besides that she looked at Sirius with kindness. 

“Nice going, Sirius,” James mumbled before Hope could say anything else. Sirius spun to glare at him.

“As if you’re any help!” He said harshly, his breath felt hot and fiery, ready to burn all his enemies. Sirius looked at Hope, then back at James’ weary face. He deflated slightly as he thought of what he just said. “What? What did I do?”

“Aside from attacking Mrs. Lupin?” James grimaced.

Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“I hardly attacked her-”

“While I’m touched to know Remus has friends who are… supportive... of his condition,” Sirius’ mouth made a little ‘O’. He winced and gave James an apologetic smile. He’d forgotten, in his rage, that Hope wasn’t aware that the Marauders were in on Remus’ secret. “I can assure you I have no clue what you’re talking about. Remus is not in any danger. He’s asleep in his bed as we speak.”

Sirius crossed his arms, and watched her carefully. There was something suspicious about her. Hope Lupin was not an anxious woman, and often put the boys in their place when they stepped out of line. But Hope seemed on edge, a little world weary, despite her efforts to conceal it. 

“Really?” James said eagerly. Sirius could feel him bouncing on his heels. “So we made it in time? He hasn’t left yet?”

“Or,” Sirius interjected coldly, “we’re too late, aren’t we?”

“Boys, I really don’t understand-”

“Cut the shit Hope-” James gasped from behind him, “did you or did you not send Remus off to the ministry? Did you or did you not let them torture him, rip his teeth from his gums, crack-”

“Oh!” Hope said lightly, followed by a little giggle. 

Sirius paused his investigation. He tucked his hair behind his ears and tried to understand what could have caused the sudden mood change.

“Is that what this is about?” Hope laughed harder, “yes, Remus went to get his teeth out today. He’s a bit loopy, so I’ve been trying to get him to nap, but you know how stubborn that boy is when he wants to be.”

“So you admit it! You let Remus get his teeth pulled!” Sirius jutted a finger at her chest.

“Well of course I did! Dr. Martine is a very proficient dentist, and Remus’ molars have been aching for months now. I’m surprised he didn’t get an infection. My poor boy has such a tiny mouth… you should have seen him this month, always in need of cwtch every time his teeth started acting up. So I said, enough is enough. I don’t care what your magic school says, you’re my son, and we’re doing this the muggle way. Booked him in as soon as I could.”

Hope laughed to herself, all previous stress melting off her features. She looked around airily, before something clicked in her head.

“Oh darling, you thought the ministry had done something to him, hadn’t you?”

“Didn’t they?”

“Oh no, nothing like that. Remus got a muggle procedure done. Went to the dentist to get his wisdom teeth removed. They pop up behind your molars, and a lot of people have to get them taken out since their mouths won’t have any room for them. I promise you the procedure is above board- no seedy ministry was sticking their fingers in my son’s mouth.”

Sirius felt slightly eased, but couldn’t help the niggling of doubt that inched its way through his belly.

“Oh hey! I think I have one of those!” James said excitedly. James poked his tongue around his mouth, searching for the teeth. “Yes, I definitely have one. Right here.” He pointed to his left upper cheek. “Will I get my wisdom teeth out too? I’ve never been to a dentist before.”

“From my understanding, magical folk have their own ways for treating-”

“Look, can we see him or not?” Sirius interrupted. He knew he was being rude. But this was Remus they were talking about. How many times did he have to make it clear that Remus’ safety and comfort came before all else?

Hope leaned back against the door, looking far too lax as she stared Sirius in the eye. 

“Alright,” she acquiesced. Sirius smiled brightly. “James can come in.”

“Yes!”

“What?” Sirius startled, “but-”

“No buts. James can see Remus since he’s been a perfectly nice boy. You, on the other hand…”

“I’m nice!”

Hope looked rather unamused by the claim.

“Okay, maybe I wasn’t nice. But I care, Hope. Shouldn’t that count for something? I care and I’m scared for my friend. And I won’t rest ‘till I see him. I’ll hold vigil outside this very door. I’ll camp out in the yard. I’ll-”

“Oh. alright,” Hope interjected with a put upon sigh, “you can come in too. But it’s Mrs. Lupin to you, buddy. Hope privileges are revoked for that swear back there.”

“Duly noted, Mrs. Lupin. It won’t happen again, promise.”

Hope didn’t look like she believed him for a second, but let them in nonetheless. On the way in, James stopped by the door button, pressing it once, and jumping away at the noise it emitted. Now that they were halfway in the cottage, they could hear an egregiously loud assortment of clangs and chimes that lasted just under 10 seconds. Sirius had to hold his hands up to his ears by the end of it, it was that bad.

Both Sirius and Hope glared at James.

“What?” he shrugged as he closed the door behind him, “I wanted a turn.”

Sirius huffed, and turned towards the staircase. While he’d only been to the cottage once before, he had the route to Remus’ room memorised. He leapt up the stairs two at a time.

“Now, Sirius,” Hope called as she ran up after him, “Remus is a bit out of it. They drugged him pretty heavily and-”

Sirius wasn’t listening. He pushed open the bedroom door and found Remus sitting up against his head board, swaddled in blankets. Sirius felt a deep, fiery rage as he looked at his friend’s face. It was swollen and bruised, his lips bloodied and cracked, and he seemed to have little bits of cloth stuffed in his mouth, puffing up his cheeks. 

Despite his beaten up state, Remus looked incredibly happy. He smiled widely. His eyes were closed, but squinted with joy. He bopped his head to a tune that wasn’t there, his hands danced in front of him, as if conducting an orchestra. 

“Did you hear, Mam? Wedding Bells! Just for me!”

Remus started to hum, continuing his little movements.

James lasted three seconds before snorting into laughter. Remus opened his eyes at the noise, eyeing James and Sirius with intrigue.

“Oh. And you’ve brought me a husband?” He asked Hope, though his eyes roamed Sirius’ in a pleased way that sparked a thrill down Sirius’ spine. 

“Suitors, at least,” Hope replied cheekily, slipping past Sirius to better enter the room, “would you like them to come inside? They’ve come to visit you, to see if you’re alright.”

“I’m alrighhh,” Remus slurred, “I’m swell. Peachy. Dandy. I’d like the one with the long hair please.”

Sirius felt his mouth go dry. James laughed even harder, and shoved him forward. 

“Go on, loverboy! He’s waiting for you.”

Sirius glared at James, but schooled his features as he shuffled towards the bed. Hope had situated herself on the mattress already. She extended a hand to Sirius, which he took greedily. She pulled Sirius forward, until he was standing by Remus’ head.

“Remus, you remember your friends, don’t you?”

Remus looked at him, dazed. Sirius was sure that if he looked close enough, he would find little stars swimming in his friend’s eyes.

“They go to school with you, at Hogwarts.”

Remus hummed contently, he snuggled into his pillow to watch Sirius better.

“Uh,” Sirius began to stammer, blushing under the heat of Remus’ gaze, “what’s wrong with him? I’ve never seen him like this, not even when we drink.”

“Not that we drink!” James exclaimed, “we would never drink underage. But if we did, which we definitely do not, Remus has never acted so…out of it.”

Hope tried to hide her smile, and ran a finger through Remus’ hair.

“We know Remus doesn’t take very well to healing potions, magical things tend to go right through him. Painkillers seem to work a bit better during the summers, but they still don’t do much to help him. When they began operating on him, the drugs didn’t take full effect, so they had to keep increasing the dosage, until it wasn’t safe to do so anymore. After that, they had to bring out a stronger drug. The Americans call it laughing gas, I believe.”

Remus started to drool, completely unaware of himself. Sirius had to stuff his hands in his pockets to stop himself from wiping it away. Luckily, Hope got to it before the urge overpowered him.

“You’re right, James,” she continued, “he’s not himself. I believe this may be the only time you’ll ever see Remus under the influence.”

James smiled mischievously, his eyes twinkling.

“Oh Pads, imagine what we could do to him-”

“ Was’yer name, hansum ?”

James quieted immediately, looking a little stunned. Sirius blinked, and returned his focus to Remus, who was now leering at him. 

“Uh,” the noise slipped out before he could stop it, “Sirius. Sirius Black.” Years of propriety overcame him, and he stuck out his hand to shake. 

Remus grinned at the proffered hand. He took it in his own, then brought it up to his lips for a sloppy, bloodied kiss.

“Oh!” Sirius wasn’t as disgusted as he should have been, “you, uh, you don’t have to do that.”

Hope snorted from beside him. Sirius couldn’t help the sharp look he sent her, but she seemed too caught up in hiding her laugh to notice. James too, for that matter.

“Oi! If you two could stop faffing about, we’ve got a serious problem at hand! Your son is broken, Hope.”

“Remus Black, what a nice name I’ll have…” Remus sighed, cuddling Sirius’ hand to his chest. Many emotions flared in Sirius, too many to name. His initial response tore it’s way through his brain, and his mouth, before he even got a chance to stop it.

“Oh please, as if I’d let you take my last name! I’d be Sirius Lupin, if anything.”

Both Hope and James lost it. Sirius made no attempt to hide his stormy glare.

“If you two are going to act like a couple of giggly first years, I’ll have to ask you to leave,” Sirius said snootily.

“Aye, aye, Mr. Lupin,” Hope mock saluted, as she began to heed his order, “you are the man of the house now, afterall.” 

With that, Hope made her leave, a shocked Sirius left in her wake.

“Dude, you’ve got to stop bossing Hope around,” James snickered, “she’ll never let you back here if you keep acting this way.”

“Oh please, Hope loves me. And I know for a fact her sense of humour is more sadistic than all of ours combined. How else do you explain Remus?”

They both looked at the boy in question, who was now nuzzling Sirius’ hand.

“How indeed?” James spoke through his smirk.

“Darling, won’t you lie down?” Remus bat his eyes prettily at him. Sirius could never resist Remus on a good day. But this? The pout? The needy voice? Sirius would be a fool to resist him.

“Oh, alright,” he sighed, trying to sound resigned when he was far from it, “but keep your hands to yourself. We’re not married yet.”

“Soon, though.”

“Yes,” Sirius laughed, an exasperatedly fond noise. “Soon.”

Remus snuggled into Sirius’ side as he lay down, and looked at James.

“We’ll marry after Hogwarts, you know.”

“Oh, will you?” James asked, pulling up a chair to sit beside the bed. He was enjoying this far too much.

“Oh yes. You’ll be the best man, of course. Probably Sirius’. But I’d like you to be mine. Will you?”

James looked surprisingly touched by this. He reached out and laid his hand on top of Remus’.

“Course I will, Moony. It would be an honour.” 

“Don’t encourage him,” Sirius scowled, “you know he’s going to be embarrassed by this in the morning.”

“If he can even remember, that is! Honestly, Pads, you should be taking advantage of him in this state. Merlin knows he has too many stories about us drunk off our arses… now we can finally level the playing field.”

“Yes, Pads, take advantage of me,” Remus slurred slightly, bringing his leg up to wrap around Sirius’ thighs. James barked a laugh, shaking his head fondly.

“You heard the man, Padfoot.”

“Stop laughing at me!” Sirius whined, “it’d be you in this position, if only he’d seen you first.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s true.”

Sirius snapped his head up to stare at James. What could that mean?

He opened his mouth to ask exactly that, but before he could get out more than a what, Remus broke into song, something halfway between sea shanty and a holiday carol.

His singing was slurred, nearly indecipherable. Sirius heard his name a few times, a crass rhyme of frocks and cocks , and something about a mermaid’s bosom. 

“Whady’a think Shirush? Like my song? I wrote it for youuuu.”

Remus looked entirely too proud of himself, but Sirius didn’t have the heart to tell him the song was utter shite.

“You, uh, have a pretty voice?”

Remus preened.

“You have a pretty face.”

Sirius blinked down at his friend, completely taken aback by this version of him. Who knew Remus could be so forward? So forward towards a man, at that? 

“He does, doesn’t he?” James asked, patting Sirius on the cheeks. Sirius swatted him away, a little frown worrying his brow. Was it just the drugs making Remus act like this? Was he so out of it he didn’t know Sirius was a man? That Sirius was Sirius? Or, could he possibly, could he maybe, even just a little-

“I always thought so,” Remus hummed. His hand floated up to cup Sirius’ cheek, stroking it lovingly. “Always so pretty. Pretty, pretty. Cute.”

Sirius looked at him carefully. He didn’t dare move, in case Remus stopped his soft ministrations.

“You think so?” Sirius asked curiously.

Remus didn’t deem the question worthy of a response. Instead, he puckered up, making a closed eyed kissy face at Sirius.

“I wish I brought my camera,” James whispered in awe. It took Sirius everything within himself not to kick him. 

Remus opened his eyes, and said something incomprehensible, all high pitched and slurred. He looked at Sirius expectantly. When Sirius did nothing more than stare back, Remus began to whine. His face scrunched up, and he did his best to untangle himself from Sirius. He continued to half moan, half speak, Sirius didn’t catch a word of it, and evidently, James didn’t either. 

With great effort, Remus removed himself from Sirius, turning onto his stomach and facing the wall, away from James and Sirius.

Sirius had no idea what to make of the fit. When Remus quieted, Sirius placed a gentle hand on his back. 

“Remus?” He said hesitantly, “what’s wrong?”

He quickly realised Remus was weeping, and scrambled to turn him over.

“Remus-”

“Youwonissme,” Remus said into his pillow.

“What?”

Remus groaned again, a pathetic, whiny thing. Sirius pulled Remus’ body around to face him, but Remus kept his head petulantly turned away.

“Remus, I can’t help if you won’t-”

“You won’t kiss me!’ He sobbed.

Sirius stilled, eyes wide. 

“I’m sorry?”

The words seemed to rub Remus the wrong way, and he threw his head back with a wail.

“Don’t pity me,” he cried.

Sirius was utterly flabbergasted. He could not comprehend a world where Remus acted like this, where Remus threw a tantrum over not getting a kiss.

“AH Sirius! Make him stop!” James yelled, clapping his hands over his ears as Remus’ wails intensified.

“James-”

“Just kiss him!”

“Pads doesn’t want to kiss me!” Remus said through a sob. Sirius shot a murderous gaze at James. 

“Sirius, make it better!”

“James…” Sirius began warningly.

“Leave me alone,” Remus cried, slapping at Sirius, “my Sirius doesn’t want me. My Sirius doesn’t like me. Leave, leave, leave!”

“Do you see what you’re doing to him!” James said, matching Remus’ hysteria, “fix it!”

“ALRIGHT,” Sirius roared. His friends quieted instantly. “Alright,” he repeated softly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he cradled Remus’ face in his hands, bent towards him, and left a quick, placating kiss on Remus’ forehead.

“There,” Sirius said calmly as he retreated, “better?”

Remus was pouting at him. He sniffled a bit. Sirius wiped away the few tears that had leaked out of him.

“Better,” Remus said petulantly.

“Now, come, come. Have a snuggle with your fiance,” Sirius soothed, drawing Remus back into his side. Remus went easily, resting his head and hand on Sirius’ chest. Sirius ignored the feeling, refusing to take note of every place they touched. It was the only way he could cope.

James coughed, Sirius looked at him nastily.

“Wouldn’t you like a kiss from Prongs too?” Sirius asked pointedly.

Remus tucked his face into Sirius’ armpit shyly, but nodded nonetheless. James grimaced.

“Go on then, Prongs. If I have to, so do you.”

James nodded aggressively. He didn’t stop for an entire minute. 

“Yes, right. Of course.”

Quickly, James leaned forward and kissed Remus on the temple.

Remus let out a pleased noise, and snuggled into Sirius even further.

“Good,” Remus mumbled, “now Moony can sleep.”

Sirius laughed, caught off guard.

“Yes,” Sirius carded his hands through Remus’ curls, keeping him rooted in place, “now Moony can sleep.” On instinct, Sirius pressed another kiss to the top of Remus’ head. Remus huffed a content sigh, closed his eyes, and promptly fell asleep. And after the day he’d had, Sirius wasn’t far behind him.

 

It was in the wee hours of the morning when Sirius was jolted awake. The complete darkness of the Welsh countryside was unnerving, oppressive in its silence, but with Remus snuffling awake beside him, Sirius felt completely at ease. Remus snorted loudly, and rolled off his back. He draped his arm over Sirius, pulling him in closer, sleepily tucking his head into the back of Sirius’ neck.

“Thought I’d dreamt you,” Remus muttered into his hair.

Remus went limp, and easily slipped back into sleep.

Sirius stayed awake another 40 minutes, his skin on fire.

 

The next time he woke up, Remus was a lot less happy. 

They’d separated at some point in the night, but Sirius could feel him turning in the bed, grunting and whimpering as he wrestled with sleep. There was a swift, jerky kick that landed painfully on Sirius’ shin, a hand that slapped the pillow just above Sirius’ head, and then finally, Remus was awake. 

“Ow,” Remus flinched, hand cradling his jaw, “fuck. Ow. ”

Sirius watched motionlessly. He was relieved to see his regular old grump of a friend. He won’t deny he’d miss the cuddling, though.

“Oh my- OW. Oh god. Fuck me.”

Sirius internally spluttered. He’d heard Remus curse many times, but never had a ‘fuck me’ been uttered so passionately in his vicinity- never had it been said while sharing a bed.

“Alright, Moony?” James called from the floor, where Sirius had exiled him to shortly after Remus fell asleep.

“NO, fucking hell,” Remus moaned. He started to come to his senses a bit more, kicking off his bed sheets and generally flailing around like a little kid throwing a tantrum. “What are you even doing here?” He whined, “how did you get in my room?”

James’ head popped up by the end of the bed.

“Your mom let us in,” he said simply.

Remus looked at him in a daze, like he’d somehow made James up. He clenched his jaw, whining and wincing at the action. Then, much to Sirius’ mortification, tears began to well in Remus’ eyes. Remus closed them immediately, and flopped his head back on his pillow.

“Will you get my mam, please?” His voice cracked with the question, pained and tortured. Sirius rather felt like crying himself. Remus never showed this much of a reaction to pain, not even after a full moon.

“‘Course, Moony,” James replied empathetically.

Sirius watched Remus for a few more moments. It was clear Remus was trying not to cry, probably using his mum as an excuse so he can get the room to himself and shed a few tears. 

“Are you okay, Moony?” Sirius asked softly, following up the question with a gentle trace of his finger along Remus’ arm.

Remus’ eyes shot open. He took one look at Sirius, their intimate proximity, and promptly shrieked, falling backwards and off the bed.

James and Sirius glanced at each other, then back towards the cliff of a bedroom floor that had claimed their friend.

Sirius crawled across the bed, head popping over the side to see Remus spreadeagled on his back, blinking up at him. Remus frowned, and then,

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING, STARTLING ME LIKE THAT?”

Remus flinched, groaned again, and rubbed his head, which he must have hit on the way down. Sighing, he looked at Sirius in defeat.

“Why were you in my bed?” he asked tiredly, as if already exhausted with Sirius’ antics. Sirius wanted to fight and point out he hadn’t actually done anything, and that the tone was entirely unnecessary. But Sirius allowed it. Remus was in pain, after all. He clearly wasn’t thinking right.

“Because you asked me to be?” He didn’t mean to say it like a question, but now he couldn’t remember. Had Remus asked, or had Sirius assumed? Had his friend really needed comfort, or had Sirius been presumptuous in thinking he did?

Remus’ eyes flitted upwards, as if also trying to recall the memory.

A knock at the door saved Sirius from the line of questioning. 

“Remus, dear?” Hope called sweetly, as she opened the door, “everything alright, love?”

Hope paused at the sight in front of her: at James standing with his hands gripping his hair, panic and concern seizing his face. At Sirius, on his hands and knees, strewn across Remus’ bed. At Remus, limp and pathetic, down on the floor.

“What-”

“SIRIUS DID IT!” James shouted, “I knew you shouldn’t have let him in, Hope. I knew-”

“Shush,” Hope dismissed James, quieting him immediately. She bent down by Remus’ side and pet his hair.

“And what happened to you?” She asked softly.

Remus looked up at her, a wounded man. He put on a pout, as he croaked out an emphatic “ hurt.”

Hope made a noise of understanding.

“James, Love, would you grab us a cup of water from the kitchen?”

“Yes ma’am!” He replied, frantic as he sprinted out of the room. 

“Help me get him up, would you, Sirius?”

Sirius nodded silently. He slid off the bed and stuffed his arms under Remus’ armpit. Within seconds, he tugged Remus up and pulled him back into bed. Sirius ignored the whimper Remus released into his neck at the movement.

“Shh, shh,” Hope cooed as she tucked Remus in. 

She fluffed his pillow, rearranged his blankets, smoothed down his hair, and pressed little kisses to his face wherever she could. Remus gave Sirius the evil eye through it all, arms crossed over his chest, only taking his eyes off Sirius to stare dotingly at his mother.

“Make him leave,” Remus demanded petulantly, after Hope had finished her pampering. 

“That’s no way to treat a guest,” she chided. She pulled out a pill bottle from her overalls, and popped open the lid with ease.

“I shouldn’t even have guests,” Remus grumbled back, “I’m poorly.”

“Good thing misery loves company.”

Before Remus could protest, James reentered with the water, and Hope offered him an appreciative smile.

“Take this,” she directed as she offered a pill and the water to Remus, “it’ll help.”

Remus did. Sirius observed Remus’ throat bob with the effort of his swallow. Sirius felt rather hot, all of a sudden. He pulled at the collar of his shirt, in an attempt to cool down.

“Now, boys,” Hope addressed Sirius and James. Sirius found himself straightening his back, as if caught doing something dirty, “why don’t you get started on breakfast. I need to take a look at Remus’ mouth, and I have a feeling you won’t want to stick around.”

“Yes, okay,” James nodded gravely, like he’d just been told he had to rescue the minister of magic from a dragon’s lair.

Hope looked at them expectantly when they didn't move.

“Oh. Now?” James asked, pushing up his glasses- a famous anxious tic of his.

“Yes, my sweets.”

James put his hands on his hips, and nodded some more. Sirius laughed. He couldn’t help it when his eyes went to Remus’, wanting to share in the foolishness of their best friend.

“See you later, yeah?” Sirius said fondly.

Remus scrunched up his face in distaste.

“Not bloody likely, if I have any say in the matter.” 

Sirius snorted, and pushed Remus’ shoulder lightly.

“Okay, goodbye you old grump.”

Remus blew him a raspberry, and a little bit of blood spit out of his mouth. Sirius’ stomach churned.

“Okay, Prongs, let's go.”

James nodded, and they shuffled out of the room.

 

Turns out, they’re quite fucked.

“It can’t be that hard,” James had asserted when they’d entered the very muggle, very non magical kitchen, “we use the same accessories, the same ingredients. It’s just the methods that are different.”

In theory, yes. In practice…

They were fucked.

How did muggles survive without magic?

“Something is burning,” Sirius grunted, as he attempted to whisk his eggs. The utensil he was using was much too large, his bowl much too small. His experience as a quidditch beater gave him a little too much gusto, and the eggs were getting everywhere. Hair, shirt, fingers, counter, floor, James, cat- nothing went untouched. 

“I know, Sirius, what do you think I’m doing over here?”

There was a big, chunky box in the middle of the kitchen. Sirius distantly recalled his muggle studies professor referring to it as an oh-ven. James had miraculously turned it on, and even began to use it before the smell and smoke got too bad. Now, he was currently bent over the open door, blowing at its insides. Sirius wasn’t entirely sure how they even got the machine on in the first place - and now it was impossible to turn off. The thing was big and hot and Sirius would be staying very far away from it, thank you very much. 

Now, heating spells and cooking charms, those made sense. Those had logic. You say a word, you do the right movement, and there you go- food made easy for your convenience. A big steel box that operated on its own- with no wizard or magic to control it? Now that is the work of the devil. That is the odd thing out.

“Well I don’t know, but whatever you’re doing, you look like an idiot.”

James stuck his tongue out at him, and the second he turned away, the ohven shot out sparks, casting James’ face in an orange hue. James’ eyes widened, and he hunched forward, blowing with more vigour. 

“Circe’s tits!” Sirius exclaimed, grabbing James by the back of his shirt and yanking him away, “are you trying to light yourself on fire? Put it out!”

James stared guilty at the growing flame consuming their scones.

“ Aguamenti , James! It’s not a hard spell to remember! Merlin, where is your wand-”

Sirius broke off in search of his, but James clasped his wrists before he could go far.

“You can’t! Remus will kill us if we perform underage magic here!”

“I don’t give a rats arse about what Remus wants- the demon muggle fire box is going to kill us all!”

James looked at him pleadingly. Sirius rolled his eyes, and shook James off. He quickly filled up a bowl with water from the tap, and grimaced as he approached the ohven.

“Muggles,” he grumbled, “will be the death of us all.”

With that, he threw the water at the fire.

It was difficult to say if that made things better or worse.

 

“Find everything alright down there?” Hope asked with a sunny smile, as Sirius and James reentered Remus’ room- this time with a tray of breakfast items. It mainly consisted of fruit, bread, and milk- but Sirius was proud to have added the small portion of burnt eggs he’d managed to make after putting out the fire. 

It was meagre, but given the circumstances, Sirius thought they did a rather stand up job.

James let out a pained noise in response, and they left it at that.

Hope lay next to Remus on his bed, a book in her hands. Remus didn’t look as out of it as he did yesterday, but he seemed looser, softer somehow. 

“Feeling better, Moons?”

Remus gave him one short nod.

“Sorry for being an arse earlier. Was just in pain. And surprised to see you here, I guess.”

Sirius waved him off.

“Eh, we know what you’re like when you’re in pain. Don’t be sorry.”

Remus looked at them carefully.

“Er, not to be rude, but why did you come?”

James and Sirius shared a fleeting look- one that communicated that they would not divulge their original plans, at least not to their full, not-so-heroic extent.

“We were worried about you. Wanted to make sure you were taken care of,” James offered tactfully.

Remus scrunched his nose.

“Why? I told you it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Yeah,” Sirius huffed, scratching the back of his head, “might have missed that…”

Remus rolled his eyes, but Sirius could tell it was in good nature.

“Well,” Hope clapped, “you’re already here. Might as well stay a while, if you’d like. James, would you like to write to your parents? You can stay here until Remus feels better, if your parents are alright with that.”

“Yes! Excellent!” 

Sirius and Remus shared a laugh at James’ enthusiasm, as apt as it may be. 

“Or perhaps floo would be better? They must be awfully worried about you. Would you show me how to use it again?” James nodded eagerly, accompanying her out of the room. Remus and Sirius were left alone, staring at each other. 

Sirius placed the tea tray over Remus’ lap, and stepped away bashfully. He was itching to crawl in bed with Remus again. One night of cuddling, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever find a feeling to parallel its comfort. He missed it already: Remus’ strong arms, his supple cheeks, his hot breath against Sirius’ neck. Sirius reckoned it’s coz they don’t touch very often, and Sirius is a very tactile person. Remus is just such a good friend, and now that they’ve touched, how could they ever stop?

“Sooo….” Sirius started, painfully awkward. He kept his attention on his toes, watching them make squiggly lines in the shag carpet. 

Remus huffed. Sirius heard the bed squeak, and the sheets rustle.

“C’mon then,” Remus said playfully. Sirius glanced up to see that he’d made room for Sirius next to him, patting the empty space in exasperation.

“Really?” Sirius asked hopefully, looking between the bed and Remus’ face.

Remus shrugged, a small, tight lipped smile gracing his face. Sirius eagerly jumped on to the bed, ready to crawl under the covers, when Remus’ hand stopped him. Sirius looked at him in confusion, only to see the expression reflected back to him. Remus cupped Sirius’ cheek with one hand and leaned in close, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze intently held on Sirius’ lips. Sirius' breath hitched. He stayed stock still so as not to spook Remus, to keep him in his trance. Remus leaned impossibly closer, still not meeting Sirius’ eyes. After last night, and all that talk of kissing and marriage, Sirius couldn’t help but think- but wonder-

Sirius’ brain went numb as Remus swiped his thumb from the corner of Sirius’ lips to his cheek bone, and-

Remus laughed abruptly, like the sound was torn from him.

He pulled away, chuckling to himself as he inspected his thumb. And now- well. Sirius was rather stumped. He didn’t know what he thought was going to happen, but he knew that this wasn’t the desired outcome. 

When Remus finally looked at Sirius- who still hadn’t moved, still stuck in what that moment could have been- he smirked. He stuck out his thumb, the one that had been caressing Sirius only moments earlier, to show off a streak of yellow slime.

“What on earth were you doing down there?” Remus laughed, “you’re covered in egg!”

Realisation dawned on him. Sirius felt rather stupid for thinking Remus would ever look at him in any kind of special way.

“Am not,” Sirius, ever the contrarian, protested.

“Are too,” Remus countered in good humour. He lunged forward, raking his hand through the ends of Sirius’ hair. Sirius couldn’t hold back the shiver this time, but Remus was too focused on the chunk of yolk he pulls from the strands to notice. 

He held up his gooey fingertips as evidence, and raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘ see?’

“Whatever,” Sirius harrumphed. He went to peel back Remus’ covers, but his plans were foiled again.

“Oh no you don’t!” Remus scolded, “you are not coming into my bed covered in egg. Go shower!”

“But-”

“No buts! Get out of my bed, you eggy bastard.”

“Remus,” Sirius whined, but it was no use. Remus shoved Sirius off, pointing to the en-suite bathroom. 

“Go. Now.”

“Fine,” Sirius sighed in defeat, “but I’m napping after whether you like it or not.”

“I wouldn’t dream of stopping you.”

Sirius waved off Remus and his cheeky attitude, dragging himself into the en-suite. The shower looked the same as the ones at Hogwarts and at home, so he got the whole thing set up with a fair amount of ease. He striped, stepped inside, and-

“FUCK,” he shrieked, shrinking away from the spray, “Merlin’s balls that’s cold!” 

He was in a bit of shock, if he’s being honest. The water was cold as ice, sharp as daggers. He could practically feel himself freezing to death just by standing in its vicinity. He’s stumped- normally he would cast a heating charm and he’d be good to go. But Remus wouldn’t want any use of underage magic to bring attention to a muggle and werewolf household, so Sirius will, once again, have to try things the muggle way. 

Hands on his hips, he assesses the scene in front of him.

Think like a muggle, think like a muggle.

He had twisted the handle to turn the water on, as he usually did before charming it to the right temperature. Muggles didn’t have wands, so either they always showered in ice cold water, or they had another way to heat it…

Sirius pressed his hands to the shower’s tiled walls. Maybe one of the tiles was fake? Maybe you pressed one to heat the water, and another to cool it? After spending too many minutes investigating the wall, Sirius came up empty. Defeated, Sirius eyed the handle again.

Seeing as it was the only adjustable part of the shower, Sirius figured that the handle must control the heat as well as the water- that made sense, didn’t it? 

Braving the icy water, Sirius stepped back under the spray and- fucking hell how do muggles do this?- twisted the handle until it could not be twisted any more.

Sirius let out a breath of relief as the water began to heat up. HA! Take that muggles. Sirius Black is smart, resourceful, and well versed in all things muggle! Sirius Black has conquered both the wizarding and muggle world. He is unstoppable! 

The water grew hotter, to an uncomfortable extent, but it was better than freezing. He picked up the bottle of shampoo, and lathered his hair up, relaxing even further as the smell of Moony overcame him. He peacefully slid back under the spray, only to find out the devil herself had taken control of the water temperature. Hotter than hell, hotter than a thousand incendios, the stream scalded Sirius to his very core. He screamed once again, jumping to the opposite corner.

That was IT. Sirius was not smart or resourceful or a master of ANYTHING. He was sick of this stupid fucking ‘shower’, of muggles and their love of danger. Fuck muggles! Fuck muggle culture! 

“REMUS,” He yelled, “Remus, help!”

Shampoo streamed into his eyes, burning as it seeped into him.

“Argh!” Sirius cried, pressing his palms to his eyes.

Fuck you muggles! He chanted in his head, fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou . Honestly, how they ever got anything done was beyond him. 

The door to the bathroom opened, and he heard Remus tumble inside.

“Sirius?” He said quietly, confusion clear in his voice, “what’s wrong?”

“The water!” Sirius moaned, “it- I can’t- it won’t- your water doesn’t work!”

Remus was quiet for a moment, before chuckling lightly.

“Okay, I’m gonna come in for a second, alright?”

“PLEASE JUST GET IT TO STOP.”

“Okay, okay! Hold your horses!”

“MY HORSES ARE HELD ARSEHOLE JUST TURN IT OFF.”

Remus tugged the curtain back slightly. He had one hand covering his eyes, the other blindly reaching inside, colliding immediately with Sirius’ naked chest. Remus flattened his palms against it and he began to pat around. Sirius’ insides squirmed with every touch.

“Alright, just direct me towards the-”

Remus’ hand landed firmly on Sirius’ right nipple, and he pulled away harshly.

“Sirius!”

“What?”

“You didn’t tell me I was touching you!”

“Did you not mean to?”

“No, you idiot! I’m trying to find the handle!”

“Well how was I supposed to know that??”

Remus sighed and pivoted the direction of his body.

“Just lead me towards the handle, okay?”

Sirius did, grabbing Remus’ wrist and lowering it until it clasped around the object. Remus gave it a half turn, and the heat immediately lessened. 

“Ooo, that’s better,” Sirius groaned, stepping back under the stream, finally rinsing away his shampoo.

“Stupid git,” Remus shook his head, “who puts the heat up that much?”

“Don’t blame me, Moony. You're the one with a sadistic shower. I’m but an innocent bystander.”

“Sure you are,” Remus snorted. He opened his eyes accidentally, and they made eye contact. Sirius nearly forgot where they were, or that he was standing in front of Remus in all his naked glory.

Remus’ eyes dropped below his waistline only briefly before shooting up to the ceiling. 

“I’m-uh- I’m going to go now.”

“Okay,” Sirius nodded quickly, cheeks ablaze. 

Remus scampered off, and Sirius slumped against the wall. 

“Fucking muggles,” he whispered, just for himself.

 

***

 

Apparently, when Hope Lupin had invited James and Sirius to stay the week, it was not so they could comfort her beloved and dear son, but so she could put them to work.

She let them relax for all of one and a half days before she pulled them into the kitchen, and handed them The List.

“Now,” she said firmly, “with Remus on bed rest, I’ll be needing your help around the house.”

Sirius wouldn’t have protested even if he wanted to. But really, after how he’d treated Hope the day of their arrival, he was in full suck up mode.

“We’ve got to cook, do laundry, mow and weed the lawn, paint the shed, clip the cat's nails, and feed the ducks,” she continued. “Most of these are Remus’ chores, but as he is out of commission, I expect you to take over for him, and to be happy about it.”

“Yes Ma’am!” James saluted.

“I’ll cover the meals. But if you two can feed the ducks, then do the cat and the laundry today, we can leave the outdoor tasks to tomorrow when it’s a bit sunnier. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect , Hope,” James said, laying it on pretty thick. Sirius punched him on the arm.

“She’s already letting us stay- you don’t need to flatter her.”

James stuck his nose up at him. “And what if I like flattering her, huh? What then?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and hit him again.

“Just because you’ve got a raging hard-”

“Shut up!” James squeaked, tackling him. They roughhoused until James succeeded in getting Sirius into a headlock. James picked up one of Sirius’ hands and used it to make Sirius slap himself.

“Boys…” Hope said sternly, but her voice was ultimately lost in the ruckus.

“Absolutely,” James began, landing another hit to Sirius’ head, “no,” hit, “manners!” hit.

“Boys-”

“Get off me you utter swine!” Sirius tried to detangle himself, but it was no use.

“I’ll show you swine…” James grumbled, tightening his hold on Sirius.

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

“I’ll show you sense!” James hollered, getting ready to push Sirius to the floor.

“BOYS!” Hope yelled.

James and Sirius separated swiftly. Sirius smoothed down his hair while scowling at James. James looked as if nothing had even happened.

Hope pinched her nose, sighing to herself. It was a move so Moony, Sirius almost thought Remus was in front of them, wearing a wig.

“It’s times like these I’m glad Remus is an only child. Just-” she took a breath, and shook her head. “Just do your chores.”

Sirius’ grin turned mischievous. He chanced a look at James, only to see him wearing the same expression. 

“You got it, Hope,” James smirked.

 

While Sirius admired Hope’s efforts, it really was rather hopeless in the end. Sirius was forced to give up when his load of laundry came out pink, yet still dirty. James had to surrender defeat after garnering 20 new scratches and no less than three bites from Fitzwilliam, the Lupin's orange tabby cat.

Both of them were in disbelief when Remus came down for supper that evening, and Fitzwilliam immediately curled himself atop of Remus’ lap.

Remus took one look at James’ bloodied and bruised arms, and Sirius’ drenching wet clothes (so he may have neglected to mention that he somewhat blew up the washing machine. That was a secret he intended to take to the grave), and chuckled to himself.

“So, Mam has you doing chores, does she?”

Sirius and James were too tired to give a proper response, just grunting in agreement. Remus hummed, and gestured for the clippers in James’ hand. Upon receiving them, he gently picked up Fitzwilliam’s paws, and began to clip his nails with ease. James’ jaw nearly hit the floor.

“I’m feeling better today. I think I’ll be able to take over from you tomorrow.”

“No way!” Sirius protested, “you need your rest! And we’re here to help! Not to sit back and watch while you do work!”

Remus’ gaze roamed over his body, from head to toe. Sirius was not a self conscious person, but he’d never wanted to hide more than in this moment.

“From the looks of it, I’ll have to re-do your work anyway. I don’t think you're in any place to stop me from helping."

Sirius pouted, but that was that. When it came to muggle chores, they really did need all the help they could get.

 

The next day, when it came to chores distribution, Sirius had been quick to volunteer to weed the lawn, eager to do anything with the word weed in it. What he had not been expecting from his task, however, was a surprising amount of physical activity, and a staggeringly low amount of his favourite plant.

“Why can’t we just vanish it?” Sirius whined after his back twinged for the sixth time, “or better yet, let the gnomes eat it.”

“For the last time, gnomes only exist in magic communities. Why else do you think James has to de-gnome his garden every summer?” Remus said from his side of the yard. He was working on a bundle of weeds lining the house, while Sirius worked on the stone path leading to the shed Remus transformed in. “What were you expecting, anyway?”

“Dunno. Something to do with smoking?”

“You think my mam would allow that?”

“I don’t know Remus, your mam allows an awful lot of funny things.”

Remus scoffed at him, and went back to work. Sirius watched the curve of his back as it bent forward, watched the muscles in his arms tighten and strain against the pull of the weed, watched as the accumulation of the summer heat and yard work dampened Remus’ white shirt, making it cling to him in ways that revealed the most tantalising parts of his body.

Now, if you had asked Sirius what the most tantalising part of the body was a week ago, we probably would have said something crass, like a tit or a butt cheek. Something fatty, that’s for sure. However, if you asked Sirius today, he had a sneaking suspicion that he’d say the square inch of skin next to the spine and under the lower left rib. Or perhaps he’d say the puckered scar that sat at the top of Remus’ hip on his right side. Or the trail of dark hair that started at Remus’ belly button and stretched down into planes unknown, hidden underneath Remus’ shorts.

Sirius shook himself. The heat was doing something to him. Or maybe it was the weeds. Perhaps they were magical after all, emitting some sort of lustful vapour.

“Ah, fuck,” Remus said sharply.

Sirius dragged his eyes from where Remus’ bum met his back (Sirius takes it all back, butt cheeks are the most tantalising part of the human body, forever and always) up to his head, where Remus was rubbing his jaw.

“You okay?” Sirius asked, taking the moment as an excuse to abandon his task.

“Fine,” Remus waved him off, “teeth are just giving me pain.”

“Still? But it’s been days!”

“Yeah… I’m fine for the most part. Just a bit sore when I clench my jaw.”

“Then don’t clench, idiot,” Sirius scoffed, replacing Remus’ hands to cup his face and massage his jaw. Remus tried to push him away, but Sirius was persistent.

Up close, Sirius could see how sweaty Remus had gotten. His fringe was wet and stuck against his forehead, beads of sweat prickled above his lips and at his forehead.

Sirius wondered if it was salty. He wanted to taste it and find out.

Sirius inched forward unconsciously. Remus licked his lips, and sat up straighter so their faces were aligned. Sirius’ eyes darted all over Remus’ face, taking in the hopeful look in his eyes, the way his mouth parted, how his freckles were almost invisible under his pink cheeks. He frowned when he noticed the faint bruising on Remus’ jaw. It wasn’t as bad as it was the first day they’d arrived, but it still made him sad. He didn’t like seeing reminders of Remus’ pain.

“What are the odds you’ll let me heal you? Properly?” Sirius asked as his thumb brushed back and forth over the yellow-green spots.

“While we’re in muggle country? Slim to none.”

Sirius sighed and let his hands slip from Remus’ chin, down his neck, and to his chest. They landed over Remus’ heart, where he could feel it diligently pounding away.

“Merlin, are you really that hot?” He asked as Remus’ pulse quickened.

Remus turned even redder, which alarmed Sirius. He’d never seen his friend so flush. And with how poorly the white tee was concealing him, Sirius could see how it spread into his chest.

“Christ, Remus, you’re overheating!” He all but yelled.

“Stop the dramatics, I’m fine.”

“Fine? You look moments away from fainting! I’m bringing you inside-”

“Calm down.”

“You’re still recovering! Why you insisted on you doing hard labour in the middle of summer is beyond me-”

“Sirius!” Remus laughed, grabbing Sirius by the wrists. “Really, I’m okay. But if it worries you that much, I’ll go take a break, okay?”

“Good,” Sirius harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest. Remus only rolled his eyes affectionately, and got up.

“How about I make us some lemonade, would you like that?”

“How about you sit your arse down and relax. ”

“I’ve been relaxing for three days straight! I’m honestly sick of it. Let me make us a drink, and then we can relax. Together. ”

Sirius smiled slyly.

“I like the sound of that,” he admitted. “But you have to promise me you’ll take it easy after, okay?” 

Sirius hadn’t realised it, but he’d followed Remus’ to the back entrance. His fingers reached out while he spoke, intentionally brushing against Remus’. Sirius felt as if his hands had betrayed him, touching without his permission.

Remus’ cheeks got pinker. He didn’t look at Sirius as he wrapped their pinkies together.

“Okay,” Remus nearly whispered, “I promise.”

Remus looked at him then, and it felt courageous. Something was transprining between them. Sirius could feel it. He just didn’t know what it was.

“Taking a break, Moony?”

“Fucking hell!” Sirius exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his skin as James popped up from literally nowhere. “Where the hell did you come from?”

James frowned at him.

“…the shed? Where I was painting? I’ve been here the whole afternoon…”

Right. Sirius knew that. They’d talked about quidditch for the first half hour of their work. 

“Oh,” was all Sirius could say. His hand went cold, and Remus disappeared inside, mumbling that he’d be right back

Sirius probably would have stared after him forever, if it wasn’t for James.

“‘Promise?’ ‘Promise,’” James mocked them, following up with some kissing noises. Sirius glared at him, James chuckled. “So, Moony, huh?”

Sirius felt himself go hot. He turned away from James.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Mmm. Sure you don’t.”

James clapped him on the shoulder, shaking him a bit.

“It’s okay, Pads. You know that, right?”

Sirius hugged himself, and kept his gaze rooted to his shoes.

“I don’t know what you’re implying-”

“Sirius,” James said, more earnestly, “ it’s okay. ”

Sirius oddly felt like crying. Even if he couldn’t make sense of James’ words- even if he didn’t want to.

“You can talk to me about it, if you want.”

“I-” Sirius floundered for a few moments, before hanging his head in something akin to shame, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

James watched him for a few moments, before smiling sadly.

“That’s okay too,” he comforted, “but when you do- just talk to me, yeah?”

Sirius agreed, and looked back longingly at the door Remus had gone through.

“C’mon. Let's get back to work before a Lupin yells at us. Again.”

Sirius chuckled, and followed James’ lead.

 

***

 

Sirius woke up alone, the sound of laughter echoing through the cottage. Rubbing his eyes, he pulled himself out of Remus’ bed and trotted downstairs, where a Frank Sinatra record was playing at full volume.

“Just like that! Very good, boys!” Hope cheered from the living room. 

Slowly, Sirius followed her voice, groggily shuffling towards it. It seemed that after a day of hard yard work (and trying very hard to banish all slightly homoerotic thoughts from his head) he had overslept. He was shocked he’d been allowed a lie in, but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

Sirius came to a halt in the living room doorway, he couldn’t quite make sense of what he was seeing. James and Remus were dancing. Not in a regular way, not in a it’s 3 am and Bowie just released a new record and we’re shitfaced and need to live our lives to the fullest kind of way - but in a swoony, springy, entangled way. Remus had a hand on James’ hip, the other interlocked with James’ hand. James led, spinning them around grandly. 

“Good form!” Hope shouted from her spot on the couch, “now dip him!” 

Unfortunately, she didn’t make it clear who she was talking to, and both went in for the dip, banging their foreheads in the process.

“Oi!” Remus cried, releasing James to soothe his forehead. He used his other hand to swat at James, “I’m supposed to be leading, fucker!”

James rolled his shoulders, then stretched out his arms, unbothered. “Not my fault you don’t know how to dance. Now, come on and let me show you how it’s done properly.”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows and he massaged his temple.

“I can’t learn if I’m the girl.”

“Not with that attitude, you can’t.”

“Maaaaaaam,” Remus wailed, “make him stop!”

Hope snickered, and got up to change the record. 

“Let’s try something slower, that way it won’t matter too much who leads.”

Remus frowned at her, but James was quick, eagerly taking Remus by the hips and pulling him forward.

“There, just like that, Moony,” James cooed as their hips began to sway. Sirius swallowed down the pathetic, bile-like wave of anger that arose at the sight of them. It’s just- it wasn’t natural for James to touch Moony like that. James was all rough hands and sharp jabs and swift punches to the ballsack. Seeing him this soft with Remus… smiling at Remus all fondly, eyes crinkling with so much happiness they might just settle like that forever… Suffice it to say, Sirius felt like scooping James’ precious eyes out with a melon baller.

The boys huffed around, stumbling awkwardly together. James was off beat, too excited to slow down for the croony love ballad. Despite not knowing the words, James attempted to sing along, bopping his head to the non existent beat. Remus laughed brightly at his antics, dipping his head forward to drop on James' shoulder, trying and failing to hide his chuckles. 

“Keep it together, Moony,” James laughed, “how do you think the poor girl will feel if you laugh at her?”

Remus pinched his arm in response.

“Ow!” James howled, “feisty one, aren’t you?”

Remus hummed. “I bite too.”

James whistled and went to twirl Remus. When pulling Remus back in, James managed to both knee him in the shin and step on his foot.

“Fuck, James. It’s dancing, not wrestling,” Remus said as he massaged his newly bruised limbs. “Can’t catch a break this week, can I?”

“Cheer up, darling, at least your teeth have healed.”

It was at the use of the word darling, that Sirius decided he couldn’t sit back and watch any longer.

“Morning,” he called, despite it being well past noon, “what’s all this?”

Remus mumbled, looking away from Sirius shyly. James was the opposite, facing him with a sunny grin. 

“We’re teaching Remus to dance!”

“Why would you ever do that?” Sirius baulked. Classical dancing was awful. There was no fun to it, no expression. 

“Why not?” James shrugged.

“James, dear,” Hope interrupted, tapping James on the shoulder, “you’re out. Sirius, take over.”

“What?!” 

“Remus and I are attending his cousin’s wedding at the end of the summer, and he’s promised to do at least three dances. We haven’t had much time to practise, so with you boys here I thought it would be the perfect time!” 

Hope beckoned Sirius over to the middle of the room, Sirius followed hesitantly.

“James keeps leading. Can’t seem to stop himself. I’m hoping you’ll fair better. You know how to dance, don’t you?”

“Sure,” Sirius said slowly, eyeing Remus’ increasingly shy demeanour, “but only those huffy puffy traditional wizards’ dances. I’ve never learned how to properly dance muggle.”

“Then you’ll be perfect,” Hope nodded, “just put your hand on Remus’ shoulders and he’ll show you the ropes.”

“Mam…”

“None of that, Remus. You danced with James just fine. I expect you to show Sirius a good time too.”

Remus ducked his head down, poorly attempting to hide his blush. Sirius couldn’t help but grin at that.

“C’mon, Moony, show me a good time,” Sirius egged, not even trying to hide the flirtatious undertones. 

Remus huffed, but acquiesced. Finally, he met Sirius’ eyes and let his hands rest on Sirius’ hips. Confronted with touch, soft and delicate, Sirius felt his heartbeat speed up. He swallowed thickly. Hope picked out a new song, slower than the last, and Remus gently reeled Sirius in until there was only an inch of space between them. Remus began to sway them with purpose, and Sirius, thoughts whirring a million miles a minute, was left to follow him. 

Up close, he could count all of Remus’ freckles. He had a compelling desire to taste those as well. There was just something about Remus and his skin that looked so delectable. 

“This is,” Sirius gulped, not sure why he’d even begun talking, “a lot simpler than I expected.”

“‘S’not like I’m going to a ball,” Remus muttered back, “reckon I won’t dance with anyone besides Mam, but she insists I practise anyway.”

“You’re, er, you’re really good at it.”

“Thank you.” 

Sirius felt an indescribable itch crawl underneath his skin. It was distracting, all consuming. He had a feeling the only way it could be soothed was with Remus’ touch.

“Are you sure we’re not missing something?” Sirius asked, in search of a distraction. “wizarding dancing is a lot faster, and there’s more jumps.”

“No jumping, but I could try to dip you, if you’d like.”

“Ooo a dip! Do a dip, Remus!” James cheered from whatever corner of the room he was in. Sirius didn’t bother to look for him.  He was too engrossed in the way Remus bit his bottom lip, and looked at him with those seductive, chocolate brown eyes. 

“Sure, lets- lets dip.”

Now, Sirius wasn’t exactly sure what a dip was. He’d assumed it was a smaller version of a jump, or maybe something to do with the bending of the knees. So, he was entirely caught off guard when Remus swiftly bundled him into his arms, and nearly pushed him right over. Remus’ arms were firm and protective, preventing Sirius from colliding with the ground, but Sirius still shrieked at the action, clinging to Remus with all his might. Remus had a determined look to his face as he loomed over Sirius, no doubt concentrating on not dropping him.

A breathy “wow” slipped out of Sirius, and for the first time ever, he saw Remus Lupin smirk. Sirius felt like prey caught in the trap of its predator. It was overwhelming, it was too much, Sirius would combust if he spent another second under Remus’ heated gaze. 

Without fully thinking through his actions, he reached up and grabbed Remus’ right eyebrow, giving it a firm pinch. Remus let out a surprised gasp, and went to clutch his eye, completely forgetting about Sirius and his compromising position.

“Oh, fuck,” Sirius moaned a few seconds after he hit the floor. The wind had been knocked out of him, and he stared up at Remus’ frowning face in a daze. 

“What did you do that for?” Remus asked, his voice tainted with accusation. 

Sirius smiled up at him brightly. He didn’t know why, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to admit that. 

“Why did you drop me?” Sirius deflected, “is this part of the dance?” 

Remus rolled his eyes and walked away. Sirius distantly registered that Hope was speaking, but he was still reeling from his fall, from Remus , to notice. 

Eventually, James’ face came into view, peering at Sirius as if he were an unknown species. 

“Muggles,” Sirius sighed dreamily, “odd ones, aren’t they?”

“Sure, mate,” James snorted, “ they’re the odd ones.”

Sirius ignored him, smiling to himself as he brushed his thumb over his hip, where he could feel the ghost of Remus’ touch.

 

***

 

With Remus on the mend, chores finished for the week, and the summer heatwave finally cooling off, Hope suggested they go down to the pub to relax before heading off to the Potters. Sirius, who was honestly going a bit stir-crazy at this point, welcomed the idea warmly.

If he’d known what a muggle pub night held, however, he might not have jumped at the opportunity to escape so quickly.

The problem wasn’t the quaint muggle pub, or the boring muggle drinks, or the confusing muggle money. In all honesty, the pub had a quiet charm to it. Smaller than Remus’ cottage, and looking like the roof would collapse at any minute, the inside was surprisingly charming. It was cosy and warm in a way the hogshead could never be. Even the locals, as few as there were, looked welcoming and kind.

So, no, the problem wasn’t the pub itself, or the prospect of a night getting properly sloshed.

The problem was the lanky, scruffy Welshman behind the bar. The Welshman Remus beelined to, immediately after shooing Sirius and James off to go find a seat.

The man, or more accurately, the boy behind the bar hardly seemed any older than the marauders. His eyes were what gave him away, twinkling boyishly while he gazed at Remus.

“Alright, Rem?” The boy-man called as Remus approached.

Remus only shrugged, a shy, pleased smile tugging at his lips.

And that was the second problem. No one made Remus smile like that. No one, except Sirius. 

The intense possessiveness rising inside his chest pushed Sirius forward, following Remus without a second thought.

“What’ll it be, then?” the barkeep leaned against the bar, cocking his head inquisitively, asking a private question only Remus could understand.

Remus clucked his tongue against his mouth and shook his head in answer. Sirius tried desperately to follow their non-conversation.

“Thought I was too young to order a pint? I seem to remember you telling me off, last time I gave it a go.”

The barkeep scratched his chin and jutted his tongue between his teeth and his bottom lip.

“Funny, that.”

Remus hummed, leaning into the bar to meet him halfway.

“If I recall correctly, you spouted a bunch of nonsense about ‘preserving my innocence’…?”

The barkeep snorted, throwing his head back with the effort of his laugh.

“Right, don’t know where I got that idea from. I don’t think you’ve got an innocent bone in your body.”

Remus’ responding smile was almost carnivorous.

Enter, problem #3. Was Remus flirting? Was Remus flirting with a boy? Was Remus flirting with a boy who wasn’t Sirius?

Problem #4 followed quickly after this line of thinking: did Sirius want Remus to flirt with him?

“Wanker,” Remus said to the barkeep fondly.

“Poof,” the barkeep replied in kind. 

Remus narrowed his eyes at the boy, and sighed deeply. 

“Stupid…” Sirius heard Remus mutter under his breath. Sirius only heard this because he was practically breathing down Remus’ neck, closely lining the left side of his back. Sirius hadn’t even realised he was doing it. One moment he was staring blankly at the dingy little hole in a wall they called a pub, the next he had popped up over Remus’ shoulder, glaring meanly at the blonde behind the bar. 

“Jesus!” Remus flinched at Sirius’ proximity. 

Problem #5: Remus flinched at Sirius’ proximity.

Sirius latched on to Remus’ elbow before he could go far. Remus did his best to shake him off, before finally giving in. 

“Who’s your friend?” The barkeep asked in amusement. 

Remus, looking rather irritated (problem #6), begrudgingly introduced them.

“This is Sirius, one of my mates from school,” the barkeep’s eyebrows shot up at that, looking at Remus as if he’d just introduced him to the captain of the Holyhead Harpies, or something equally as grand, “and back there is our friend James.”

Sirius followed the path of Remus’ head nod, to see that James had grabbed them seats at a tiny booth. (Problem #7: Sirius had thought they’d both followed Remus naturally. When did James go off, and why hadn’t he noticed? Was it not instinctual to follow wherever Remus went?)

Almost protectively, Sirius nudged himself closer into Remus’ side. Sirius was pretty sure Remus didn’t notice when his arm easily lifted to wrap around Sirius’ waist.

“Sirius, this is Rhys, one of my…” Remus trailed off uncertainly. Rhys laughed at the silence. 

“Part-time best friend, and full time confidant. How do you do?” Rhys introduced himself, sticking his hand over the bar to shake. Sirius scowled at it.

“Part-time best friend?” Sirius asked, incredulous. 

Problem #8: Who would dare to act so cheeky and familiar with Sirius’ Remus? Who would dare to not consider Remus a full time best friend? The ego of this Rhys was appalling!

“Ah, well, I only get him a few months of the year. Not fair of me to lay claim to the whole ‘best mate’ title when you’re doing such a stand up job at it.”

Dismissing his irritation, Sirius let himself swell with pride. That’s right, he thought smugly, I am a good friend. Who else would drop everything to check in on a mate when they thought he was in danger? Not Rhys, that’s for sure.

“Why don’t you sit down,” Remus urged, “I’ll get us a round.”

“I thought we were too young to drink,” Sirius said accusingly.

“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” Rhys winked, fucking winked, at the two of them. 

Remus tried to turn Sirius around by his shoulders, but Sirius wasn’t having it. He leaned into the motion of Remus’ push to spin himself back towards the bar.

“Are you even old enough to work at a pub?”

If Rhys was bothered by the line of questioning, he didn’t show it. Remus however, was huffing and puffing like Sirius had just vulgarly asked the guy about his sex life.

“18 as of 3 months ago. Don’t worry lad, you’re perfectly safe drinking in my pub.”

“Ignore him,” Remus cut in, “he’s just…”

Problem #9: He’s just? JUST WHAT?

Remus didn’t finish his sentence, but Rhys seemed to understand.

“Listen, why don’t you two lovebirds sit down, and I’ll bring out some ciders.”

“Rhys!” Remus exclaimed, partly admonishing his friend, partly embarrassed.

Problem #10 would have been that Rhys was an awful person for making Remus sound like that, but then Sirius considered what Rhys had actually said. 

Sirius pondered the term. He thought of when James had called him ‘loverboy’ just a few days earlier. It had felt jarring then, out of place when Sirius was just trying to look after his friend. It was mocking and sour, and while not James' intention, it made Sirius feel ashamed for caring.

But, Lovebirds. It had a cosy, cute ring to it. And Rhys had said it so plainly, like he wasn’t even teasing. Like that’s genuinely how he saw Sirius and Remus. Sirius couldn’t say he minded the title, especially if it was Remus he was sharing it with. And maybe, based on Remus’ reaction, he might not mind it much either. Maybe, problem #10 wasn’t such a problem after all…

“Go,” Rhys laughed, pushing Remus away. 

“You’re a menace,” Remus grumbled, but left all the same. He grabbed Sirius by the wrist, and dragged him back towards James.

 

Sirius tried to let go of the whole Rhys thing , after that. Remus was allowed to have friends outside of the marauders. He was allowed to exist beyond the confines of Hogwarts. It was difficult, however, as Rhys kept shooting Remus significant looks from the bar, to which Remus would shake his head or roll his eyes.

“He thinks he’s being smart,” Remus told him after the 5th look, “thinks he knows something when he doesn’t.”

“What doesn’t he know?” Sirius asked, leaning into Remus' side, giving his best doe-eyed, tell me everything look.

Remus choked on his cider, and frowned at his glass as if it had personally offended him.

“Nothing,” Remus grunted, avoiding eye contact with him and James.

His cheeks were flushed with the alcohol, which was absolutely adorable. Sirius pressed in closer to get a better look. With Remus still distracted by his offensive glass, Sirius pressed his cold fingers against the warm cheeks. 

“Would you cut it out?” Remus snapped, grabbing Sirius’ wrist swiftly and holding it still. Sirius smiled guilelessly at him.

“He seems like a stand up chap to me,” James said from across the booth, “he’s got a real sturdy look to him. Long legs. Long arms. I bet it’s hard to push him around.”

“You’re drunk, Prongs.”

“Am not,” James huffed, “I am merely appreciating his centre of gravity. He’s not the sort to be blown away with the wind, unlike some folks I know,” he waggled his fingers in Remus’ face. Remus offered him a delighted smile in return, and used the hand not holding Sirius to push James away by his face. 

Sirius sat perfectly still out of the fear that Remus would remember his hand placement and let go. As stealthily as he could, he lowered their conjoined arms between their laps and placed his empty hand over Remus’ firm grip, stroking it softly. He watched as Remus relaxed his shoulders and neck.

“Reckon he plays quidditch?” James asked, “maybe we could start a muggle team. I’ll go ask him!” James shot out of his seat, swaying once he was upright. His small ‘whoa’ was the only thing that gave away the true state of his drunkness.

“Ok, I think that’s enough for you,” Remus laughed, tugging him back into his seat. James fell easily. 

“Where are you going?” Sirius asked, sounding far too panicked, as Remus started to slide out of the booth. Remus looked amused by his reaction.

“Just to pay up and say goodbye,” he replied, nodding towards the bar.

Sirius looked between Rhys and Remus. He still didn’t like that look on Rhys’ face. He didn’t trust it.

“I’ll come with you,” he decided.

“No you won’t. You’re nearly as pissed as Prongs.”

“Am not!”

“Are too, now sit here like the good boy I know you are, and wait for me to be done. I’ll only be a minute.”

Sirius was so struck by the command, he unwillingly listened. He sat frozen as he watched Remus saunter off and lean against the bar to speak with Rhys. Rhys was already laughing, and from this angle he could just see Remus stick out his tongue in retaliation.

A sharp pang erupted from Sirius’ stomach, shooting through him from navel to neck. Sirius had met his fair share of monsters, but in that moment, watching Remus, rosy cheeked and boyishly innocent, laughing because of another man’s joke- well, Sirius had never hated anyone more.

His legs were moving before he could even stop them.

Rhys met Sirius’ eyes over Remus’ shoulder, and grinned wickedly. Sirius heard him quietly tell Remus ‘told you so,’ before Remus looked over his shoulders to watch Sirius’ approach.

Remus stared at Sirius as if he’d never seen him. He blinked owlishly as Sirius once again pressed in close to him. Sirius couldn’t help it. There was just something about being by Moony’s side that soothed him. It wasn’t even the skin contact- Remus’ whole aura just seemed to calm the tumultuous waves that constantly existed in Sirius’ mind. 

Remus delicately- tentatively- slid his hand into Sirius’, as if Sirius would reject him. Sirius scoffed at the thought, and squeezed Remus’ hand tightly.

“I thought I told you to sit,” Remus said fondly, not at all as irritated as Sirius expected he’d be.

“I wanted to be with you,” Sirius’ cider drunk mouth spoke before he could filter himself. Upon seeing Remus’ warm smile, Sirius was rather glad he’d said the truth.

“Oh,” was all Remus had to say.

“And,” Sirius began confidently, despite not knowing how his sentence would end, “I thought I’d…” he paused, looking at Rhys meanly, “I thought I’d, uh, I’d pay. For the drinks.”

“No worries, mate, they’re on the house.”

“I’m good for it, I promise.”

Rhys waved him off. “A friend of Remus, is a friend of mine. And what kind of friend would I be if I let my mates pay for their drinks?”

Sirius bristled. Rhys was certainly no friend of his. Not with his hungry eyes and his impish smile.

Sirius fished out his wallet from his back pocket, and began sorting through the money Effie had sent him during the week. His muggle and wizard currency got all mixed up, making it harder than normal to differentiate between them. 

“Aha!” Sirius proclaimed, slapping the first muggle note he could find on to the bar. “Will this cover it? My drinks, at the very least?”

Remus and Rhys stared down at the note on the table, both looking a bit stunned. 

“What? Is it not enough?” Sirius peered down at the paper, worried he’d handed over the wrong currency, but that was ridiculous. Wizards didn’t even have paper money.

“Sirius…” Remus said slowly, “that’s a 100 pound note.”

“So?”

“‘So?’ Your portion alone would have only cost 10 pounds. 12, at most.”

“Oh,” Sirius replied pleasantly, “so I have enough.”

“Yeah,” Rhys huffed a shaky laugh, “you’re good.”

Sirius nodded, and slid the note towards him.

“Well, good. You can keep the rest of that.” 

“What?” Rhys gawked, “no way, I can’t-”

“I don’t need it,” Sirius shrugged, “you take it. Really, I don’t mind.”

Sirius was starting to feel uncomfortable with their reactions. He wasn’t sure what the conversion rate between wizard and muggle money was, but handing over one flimsy piece of paper did not seem like a lot compared to the amount of coins he’d spend on a butterbeer.

“You’re mad,” Rhys laughed, but pocketed the note nonetheless. He looked at Remus, a delighted twinkle lighting up his eyes. He gestured to Sirius. “I like him.”

Remus tucked his chin down, but it wasn’t enough to hide his almost giddy smile.

“Yeah,” Remus sighed, “me too.”

Sirius preened, puffing up his chest with pride. Remus pushed him half heartedly.

“One compliment, and he’s already full of it.”

“Hey, you’re the ones who decided to stroke my ego. But please, continue-”

Remus grabbed him by the chin, and smushed his cheeks together.

“That’s enough out of you, I think.”

Sirius only winked in response, which was enough to have Remus blushing and keeping his hands to himself.

“I’ll try to see you before I go back to school,” Remus told Rhys.

“Take care of yourself, Rem.”

Remus looked hesitant to leave. His eyes flicked between Sirius and Rhys, before finally landing on Sirius.

“Get James, will you? I want to say a proper goodbye- I’ll meet you outside.”

“But-”

“Please, Sirius.”

Sirius pouted, but acquiesced. Stomping back to their table, he collected James, who was definitely the drunkest of the trio, and pulled him into the night air.

James sighed, leaning against Sirius in a display of utter relaxation.

“What a nice night,” James hummed, tucking his face into Sirius’ neck, “would be lovely to go for a run.” 

Sirius could feel James’ breath tickle his neck. It made his skin crawl.

“Prongs- Ger’off me,” he struggled to remove James. He’d forgotten how much of a clingy bastard he could be when drunk.

“Noooooo,” James moaned, hugging him completely and latching on for dear life, “you’re so mean to meeeeee.”

Sirius scoffed, not deigning the comment worthy of a response.

“Oh. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Moony!” Sirius shrieked, now 100 times more desperate to remove himself from their compromising position. “It’s not what it looks like! I swear!”

He heard Remus laugh, James shout in pain, and just like that James was gone. James clutched his ear, where Remus had pulled him off from, and looked very sour about the whole thing.

“Alright, Marauders,” Remus said cheekily, “let's go home.”

While the 40 minute walk from the cottage to the pub had felt annoying and endless, in the serene moonlight, Sirius felt at peace.

James immediately ran off, desperate to use up his drunken energy. Luckily, the trail was flat and empty, so no matter how far he got, Sirius and Remus could keep an eye on him.

Sirius and Remus kept the same pace, slowly meandering home, shoulders brushing on occasion. The path was by no means small, but Sirius felt drawn to stay by Remus’ side, as he had all night.

They talked about nothing, really. Just about the night, what they were looking forward to next year, how silly James was. 

Sirius felt as if they were in their own little bubble, a liminal space outside of reality, and he wished desperately to extend it. Half way through their walk- when Sirius saw James pause up ahead to sit on a rock- Sirius decided to slow his pace even more. Remus didn’t hesitate to match him, even though Sirius could tell his long legs were itching to go faster.

Remus started playing with the cuffs of his cardigan. Sirius recognized the habit- it usually meant that Remus was gearing up to say something particularly brave. Sirius waited patiently for him to gather his strength.

“I really appreciate you, you know?” Remus said shakily.

Sirius was momentarily taken aback. That wasn’t anything scary or hard- he might as well have said the sky was blue, or that grass was green. 

“Yeah?” he breathed. Sirius went all warm inside. He was so entranced by this foolish, kind-hearted boy.

“Yes,” Remus nodded seriously. He paused, before continuing. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to deal with this week, and that living without magic has taken some time for you to get used to, so…”

Remus brushed his pinky against Sirius’ hand. If Sirius hadn’t been so attuned to Remus this whole evening, he might have thought it was an accident. 

“I guess I just want to say thank you. For dealing with this. For dealing with me. ”

“Remus,” Sirius said, all fond and soft and desperate, “you are not something I have to deal with.”

“Maybe,” Remus shrugged, “maybe not. You already do so much with the moon, and at school. And now it feels like I’ve forced you to be a muggle for me too, and it so clearly isn’t working for you, and I-” he cut himself off suddenly, and shook his head.

“You..?” 

When Remus didn’t answer, Sirius poked him. Remus took a deep breath.

“I can’t help but wonder when you’ll get sick of me,” he said quietly, refusing to look at Sirius.

Sirius was startled. How could he not see? How could he not know that Sirius would do anything for him?

“Where’s this coming from?” Sirius asked gently, “have I done something-”

“No, no. Of course not. It's just, all week, people have been saying things. My mam, then James, and now Rhys-”

“What’s he got to say,” Sirius said bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest petulantly.

“Nothing,” Remus laughed shakily, “Just- he says that you’re good for me.” 

Sirius eyed him reluctantly.

“He says that you’re good for me. And Mam says you’re lovely, even when you’re a right proper arse to her. Says she’d like to keep you forever if given the chance. And James says you’re confused, and that you don’t know it yet-”

“Know what?” Sirius struggled to keep up. Remus was flustered and rambling, and as cute as it was, Sirius wanted to understand, he wanted to take all of Remus’ nerves away.

Remus pursed his lips, and looked like he was internally reprimanding himself.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it,” Remus admitted quietly, “I can’t quite wrap my head around it. You, this week-”

He cut himself off with a sharp inhale. Curling in on himself, he turned away from Sirius stubbornly. Sirius just wouldn’t have that.

Gently touching Remus’ elbow, he tried to address Remus’ original concern.

“I don’t think I could ever get sick of you. Not even if I tried.” 

It felt like a confession, all breathy and earnest. The only thing was, Sirius didn’t know what he was confessing.

Remus looked at him then, eyes flashing with something Sirius couldn’t name, but desperately wanted more of.

Remus stopped walking, Sirius stopped with him.

“But really, between the two of us, I think we both know who would get sick of who,” he tried to joke, though insecurity cracked through his voice.

“Don’t say that.”

“No, really, it’s okay. I’m annoying. I’m brash. Dramatic. Short tempered-”

“Yes,” Remus agreed plainly. He took SIrius’ hand, unafraid. Sirius watched with wide eyes as he linked their fingers together, and kept it held between their chests. “And I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Sirius blinked at him. He was pretty sure a whispered, reverent ‘ oh’ slipped from his lips, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t pay attention to anything but Remus, and the way he looked in the moonlight, growing more confident with each passing second. Remus inhaled deeply. He stepped forward and looked Sirius right in the eyes, right into his very soul.

“What if I…” Remus said quietly, making an odd, nod-like gesture with his head, “would you mind?”

Sirius didn’t know what Remus was asking, but he nodded anyway, his smile growing at the pleasant strangeness of it all.

Remus searched for something in Sirius’ face. 

“You really wouldn’t?”

Sirius hummed, rocking on his feet, and tilting his head up to let Remus get a better look at him. This action evidently pleased Remus, who smiled dangerously back at him. 

“You’re sure?” Remus asked, before licking his lips.

Sirius shrugged. Remus struggled to smother his grin.

“Alright then,” Remus said, coming to a decision. Sirius wondered what he was internally debating over, wondered if he would ever be privy to the thoughts inside that big beautiful brain, wondered-

And oh.

They were kissing. 

Sirius hadn’t even seen it coming. One second Remus was there in front of him, the next, soft lips were placed over his.

Sirius hummed intuitively, he always loved a good kiss. And this… this was a good kiss. It wasn’t intense, or fast, or sloppy, as many of Sirius’ past kisses have been. But it was sweet and innocent: a promise of more, a shadow of want, a glimpse at love.

And it was as simple as that, really. Sirius sighed into it, feeling as if a great weight had been taken off his chest. He slid his hands into Remus’ hair, tugging him down, and knew that this was it. All of his jealousy, his worry, his possessiveness, it all made sense. 

Remus moaned as their kiss deepened, and Sirius was in ecstasy.

How had they never done this before? Why had Sirius never thought of it? Kissing Remus was the best idea he ever had, and it wasn’t even his .

It was shockingly simple, his revelation to this development. Sirius had always loved Remus, from the minute he laid eyes on him back in first year. He always knew he and Remus had a different relationship to the rest of the boys, he just never had the words to say how.

Now, as Sirius was coming to understand, it was not words he needed, but this. Action. Physicality. An outlet of expression for all of the desire and longing Sirius had not known he held.

Sirius may not have known how deeply he loved Remus until this moment, but of course, how could he feel anything else? Remus made sense, they made sense.

Remus pulled away, rubbing his lips. He kept his eyes closed for a few moments, and Sirius drank in the sight of him. He looked completely unburdened and happy, a sight so foreign to Sirius it nearly took him off guard.

“Thank you,” Sirius breathed. He felt stupid immediately after saying it, but he meant it. Remus had just opened his eyes to a world of possibility, and Sirius already knew there was no going back.

“You’re welcome?” Remus replied cheekily, before sobering slightly. He tilted his chin down bashfully as he admitted, “that was nice.”

“Yes,” Sirius eagerly agreed. He shuffled into Remus’ space, wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist. “Are we going to do it again?”

Remus bit his lip, looking over Sirius carefully.

“Would you like to?”

“Obviously,” Sirius scoffed.

Remus was slow to react. He blinked twice, before his cute eyebrows scrunched up.

“‘Obviously?’ How is it obvious?! You’ve done nothing to indicate that you’ve wanted to kiss me before today!”

“Well, I do,” Sirius harrumphed. He would have crossed his arms over his chest, maybe given a little stomp, but that would mean he’d have to stop holding Remus, and that obviously wasn’t an option.

“Well… I do too.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Remus repeated, looking at Sirius like he’d imagined him.

“So…..” Sirius drawled. He avoided Remus’ gaze, instead looking at the empty, quiet landscape around them. 

“So?”

“Can we kiss again?”

Remus didn’t respond. But Sirius felt a puff of breath on his cheek, and two fingers tilted his chin up, and then there they were: kissing in the moonlight, in the middle of nowhere, utterly alone, hidden from-

“Fuck,” Sirius gasped pulling away.

Remus chased his lips, humming as he did.

“No- fuck! Remus!” Sirius said a bit more urgently.

“mmm, what?” Remus mumbled against Sirius’ lips.

“James!”

At that, Remus finally pulled back, looking peeved at the mention of their friend.

“What about him?”

Sirius gestured around them, noting the miraculous disappearance of their best friend. Remus looked from side to side, realisation dawned on him. While trapped in their little bubble, James had completely vanished.

“Ohhh. Fuck,” Remus agreed.

“He’s probably off dead in a bush somewhere!” Sirius shrieked. “JAMES! JAMES WHERE ARE YOU?!”

“Shhh! He was properly drunk when we left. There’s no way he could have gone far.”

“My best friend is being murdered by welsh vegetation right now, and you’re shushing me? It’s bad enough you seduced me enough to lose sight of him, but now you shush me? For shame, Moony. For shame!”

“If you don’t shut up right now, I’ll be sure to never kiss you again,” Remus grumbled, as he began to tread quickly along the path.

For all of Sirius’ dramatics, he really didn’t think he could survive another day without more Moony kisses. So, he shut up.

Remus didn’t notice for 5 minutes. He continued to search for James, as Sirius trailed diligently behind him.

“Prongs!” Remus called into the darkness.

“James Fleamont Potter!” He tried again.

“Future Mr. James Evans!” 

Still nothing.

“Seriously, Jam-” Remus stopped, abruptly turning to Sirius.

Sirius tried to ask him what? with just his eyes.

Remus stared at him, incredulous, only breaking out of his haze when Sirius nudged him with his foot.

“Did you shut up because I told you to?”

Sirius nodded.

“I told you to do something, and you just… did it?” 

Sirius nodded again, smirking only slightly.

“ Why? ”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. Remus had said-

“You can speak, Pads,” Remus said, humour in his voice.

“You said you wouldn’t kiss me again. I couldn’t risk that.”

Remus bit down his grin, and quickly hid his eyes in hands. He looked thoroughly overwhelmed, yet incredibly happy.

“You are so- ”

He didn’t finish, surging forward to capture Sirius’ lips again. It was quick, but he could feel all of Remus’ hunger in the few seconds it lasted. 

Remus cradled Sirius’ cheeks in both hands, and looked lovingly into his eyes.

Forget James. Who cares about James? All Sirius needed was this wonderful, handsome boy in front of him.

“Is this how it’s going to be now? I just have to kiss you, and you’ll do whatever I want?”

“If you’ll have me.”

“If I’ll have you??” Remus sputtered, “ obviously I’ll have you.”

Sirius grinned at him, leaning up to kiss him.

“Then yes, all you have to do-” Sirius paused, as he spotted something over Remus’ shoulder.

“Oh,” he giggled, “oh no, Prongs, what have you done?”

Remus frowned, confused, before turning around to follow Sirius’ eyeline.

Remus barked out a sharp laugh, before folding over in a fit of giggles.

Asleep in the bush, was one James Potter. The only oddity about the sight was that his hands, which were normally very human and consisted of all five fingers, were now hooves. And erupting from his head was a giant set of antlers.

“How…. how did he-” Remus' following laugh prevented him from speaking any further.

“I have no idea.”

James snuffled at the noise, pawing at his head where his antlers met his skull.

He slowly blinked awake, frowning at Sirius and Remus.

“Go away,” he whined, “‘m trying to sleep.”

“Prongs, what the hell happened?” Sirius asked as he went to rescue James from the bush.

James groaned, going no bones as Sirius tried to lift him by his hooves.

“Jus’ wan’ed to ruuuun.”

With Remus’ help, they got James on his feet.

“Ow, my head…” he brought a hoof up to feel his head, and it made a resounding clack as it hit his antler. James blinked in confusion, bringing the hoof down to eye level. He baulked as he stared at it, and looked to Remus and Sirius for guidance. “…Am I still dreaming?”

“Yes,” Remus said, snaking his arm around James to hold him up, “yes, you are.”

“Oh. good.”

Sirius supported James from his other side, and together, they began to guide him home.

“Hey, Remus?” James said sleepily, after walking for a few minutes.

“Yes, James?”

“Remember what we talked about the other day?”

Remus met Sirius' eyes over James’ head. Remus smiled shyly, and hummed.

“Well, I couldn’t fully speak my mind at the time. But since I’m dreaming, and you’re here, I’d just like to say…”

“Yes?”

“Snog Sirius.”

Remus choked, leading into a coughing fit.

“He’s so in love with you, Moony,” James continued, oblivious, “it’s sooo obvious. Even Lily noticed. She never talks to me. But she talked to me about that. She’s so smart…”

“Yes, Prongs. She is.”

“He hasn’t figured it out, though,” James continued, like he was sharing a secret, “but if you just snog him, he’ll know. He’s smart like that.”

“Right,” Remus nodded, hiding his laugh, “anything else you’d like to say?”

“He thinks you’ve got a cute arse.”

“Prongs!” Sirius hissed, but it was as if Sirius wasn’t even there.

“I saw him staring at it the other day. And he told me so in fourth year.”

“Fourth year?” Remus exclaimed, looking to Sirius for confirmation. Sirius shook his head repeatedly, thinking of a million ways he’d kill James.

“Yup. Said you had the best arse in Gryffindor. I didn’t even ask. And then there was that time he kept trying to snog you in truth or dare…”

“I thought that he just pitied me. Wanted me to have my first kiss, and all…” Remus smirked.

“That’s what he was telling himself, I’m sure,” James snickered.

“Alright-” Sirius began to chastise them, but when James turned to look at Remus full on, one of his antlers struck Sirius across the face, shutting him up immediately while he sputtered in indignation.

“So, really Remus. He loves you. He’s just too thick headed to realise it. So, snog him. I’ll bet anything he’ll thank you for it.”

Sirius blushed, recalling how he quite literally had.

“Oh, alright,” Remus sighed. With that, he yanked on an antler and pulled James' head back. He beckoned Sirius forward, and they met in front of James, kissing sweetly for only a few seconds.

When they pulled away, James looked stunned.

“Right. Definitely dreaming, then.” 

Remus lit up with joy, resuming their walk. Behind James’ back, Remus slipped his hand into Sirius’.

And Sirius, despite a week of blunders, of worries and unnamed wanting, had never felt more at peace. He figured that as long as Remus was by his side, he could handle just about anything.

Shoddy transportation systems, Welsh barkeeps, hell, even giving up magic forever- Sirius could do it all, if it meant Remus Lupin was his. 

And based on Remus’s giddy smile, and soothing touch, Remus was.