Chapter Text
“So kiss me, kiss me, kiss me / And tell me that I’ll see you again / ‘Cause I don’t know / If I can let you go” - Kiss Me Kiss Me, 5 Seconds of Summer
REMUS
It took Remus longer than he’d like to admit to realize that the events of the night before hadn’t just been a dream. He laid in his bed in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, as bits and pieces of the evening came back to him. The crisp air, the warm boy, the stars that he still didn’t know the names of.
The kiss. And all of the ones after.
It had taken everything in Remus to drag himself home. Sirius had offered him a ride, but he’d refused. He couldn’t quite remember why. Sirius had offered for him to stay, but he’d refused. He, again, couldn’t quite remember why.
The sun was just barely starting to peek out, and the clock next to Remus read 7:12. Far too early to be awake. Most of him wanted to roll over, tell everyone he simply didn’t want to get out of bed, but he knew he couldn’t. His hands felt swollen when he moved them to remove the covers, but he ignored it.
Maybe if he didn’t think about it, it would go away.
Remus did his morning routine without thinking about it, just going through the motions. They had more to record, and they were set for a full day in the studio, but Remus let himself take his time. He got on the tube before it was busy - the perks of starting so early every day - and he let himself tune out the world as music played through his earbuds. The left one was starting to die, but he refused to buy new ones. Marlene thought that was stupid, which she’d made very clear, but Remus had grown strangely attached to his shitty wired earbuds.
“You have real money now, Remus,” Marlene had said on the video call. “You deserve a little treat.” Remus rolled his eyes, and then Marlene scoffed, and then Dorcas changed the subject.
The walk to the studio from the station was short, but it felt endless. They still had a ways to go on the album. Moody - one of the scariest men he’d ever had the pleasure of working with - had asked a couple days ago if he had anything for the deluxe, but Remus had just shrugged. “Maybe, but I’m not sure yet”, he’d said. Moody had muttered something about hurrying the fuck up, which Remus had decided to ignore.
“Hello Remus.” Lily, as chipper as always, was the first person to see him when he walked through the door. Sirius, who had been sitting on a chair facing Peter and laughing as he tried to throw popcorn in the air and catch it in his mouth, instantly shot up and turned around.
It was possibly the most obvious awkward thing he could have done, and Remus was incredibly endeared.
“Hi,” Sirius said.
“Hi.”
“I cannot believe I’m about to say this, but I miss the eye fucking.” James, who was lying on the floor, started cackling at Peter’s words.
Remus didn’t care. He didn’t think Sirius did either, based on the fact that he was still looking at him.
“Right,” Moody’s gruff voice cut through everything else and poured over Remus like cold water. “Let’s get started.”
“Good morning to you too,” James said, still not moving from the floor.
Moody ignored him. “Big day today, we’ve got some high energy important songs to record still.”
“What are we starting with?” Peter was the first one to move, standing up from the couch and pushing Sirius out of the way.
“Watch it, mate,” Sirius turned to help James up off the floor, and then turned back to Remus. He didn’t dare say anything, just nodded towards the door to the recording room with a little smile that looked almost shy.
Remus smiled back, something he hoped Sirius would read the way he wanted. Hi, I missed you, I’d really like to kiss you again.
He didn’t dare say anything, worried anything that came out of his mouth would clue Moody into the entirely non-platonic things they’d done the night before. He wasn’t exactly known for his subtlety when it came to Sirius.
Based on the grins being swapped between James and Peter, he wasn’t doing a very good job at it then either.
Luckily for them, Moody seemed to be ignoring them all completely, in favour of talking quietly to Lily as the door to the recording room closed behind them.
“Hey,” Sirius whispered. It made Remus smile to himself, where he was turned away. He finished pulling his bass over his head, and then turned. Sirius was smiling at him. The neck of his electric guitar was tight in his hand, clearly tense, but everything else about him was at ease. Remus could feel James and Peter’s watchful eyes on them, but he ignored it as much as he could.
“Hey,” Remus whispered back. He kept his own fingers tightly on his bass, making sure it grounded him in the present. Doing something stupid like kissing Sirius in the middle of the recording studio was not on his list of things to do.
Well, it was. But not while Moody was standing about eight feet away.
“We’re starting with Kiss Me Kiss Me.” As if on cue, Moody’s voice came over the speakers.
Remus was pretty sure he was about to explode. Operation Do Not Look At Sirius was about to start, and he wasn’t sure if he’d make it through.
Even though they always recorded the songs individually in the end, Moody liked to start with getting a good full band take. He said it made them loosen up, and Lily said it was excellent promo material. Remus thought it was just a way to send him to an early grave.
~~~
“So, we’re on a bit of a tight schedule,” McGonagall didn’t greet them when they walked through the door. They had taken a break from recording for an hour to eat, and she’d been in the room when they got back.
“Lovely to see you too, Minnie,” James grinned, collapsing into the first chair he saw. McGonagall didn’t react or respond, choosing to ignore him completely.
“We want to get the first single out in February.”
All four boys, who had been settling back into the room still, immediately looked at her.
“Are you joking?” Peter was the first one to break the silence. “It’s November twenty-eighth, you want us to put out a single in three months?”
Every time Remus thought he had a handle on this whole band thing, something else came up.
McGonagall pursed her lips. She looked conflicted. “It’s not up to me, or you.”
“So it’s Dumbledore.” The way Sirius said it made it seem like a swear word.
“I can’t say,” McGonagall answered. The look in her eyes said the unspoken yes that they all knew was there.
“Bullshit,” Sirius muttered under his breath.
“Hey,” Moody said warningly from behind them. “Lose the disrespect, leave it at the door.”
“Sorry,” Sirius said. It sounded like he meant it, although he still looked pretty pissed off. Not that Remus could blame him, but his head was spinning, and that was the only thing he could really focus on.
“Sirius,” Remus whispered. It was half in support and half in vague panic as the world spun around him. He was gripping the chair in front of him - he had no memory of stepping into the room, let alone getting to the chair - but he just barely caught himself.
“Remus?”
“I can’t breathe.” Remus was used to that. Breathing, to him, took effort. It wasn’t a right, it was a privilege. Something he had to earn, something he had to fight to keep.
This was different. This was worse. It was worse than the appointments, the tests, and even the pneumonia all combined. He coughed, but it was weak. He couldn’t even get in enough air to cough.
“James, help me,” Sirius’ voice was right next to his ear. It sounded calm, but Remus could just barely hear the panic underscoring his instructions. He felt himself being lowered to the ground, and he went willingly.
“What is happening?” Moody.
“One of you needs to start talking.” McGonagall.
None of them answered. Remus had a feeling none of them knew the answer.
Sirius was treating it like COPD, and James and Peter were clearly just doing whatever Sirius told them to do. Remus knew better.
Panic attack. He hadn’t had one in years, since he’d moved from Wales to London. His chest was tight, and the COPD was making it all worse, but there was no mistaking it. He fought to get air into his lungs. His lungs that already didn’t work. His lungs that already rioted against him at every step.
“Someone call Marlene.” Sirius.
Remus could smell his shampoo, the now-familiar vanilla icing.
“On it.” Peter.
“Sirius.” Remus.
“Hang on one second, baby.” Sirius. “Peter, any luck?”
“Nothing. I’ll try Dorcas.”
Baby.
Remus couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face, however briefly, taken up by a gasp.
He could feel himself coming out of it. There was blood moving to his head. His chest didn’t feel tight. Or, no more than normal. He took a breath. It was a fight, but one he managed to win.
“I’m okay,” Remus muttered. It didn’t sound convincing. He tried again. “I’m okay.”
That one was better, and Remus felt Sirius’ sigh of relief all over himself.
“Someone tell Marlene and Dorcas I’m okay,” Remus said. It was the first thing he’d managed to say over a whisper. Progress.
“Doing it now,” Peter said. Remus could hear the keyboard noises. Peter was possibly the only person he knew who had the system noises on. Normally it was irritating, but not then. Then it was familiar. Grounding.
Remus could just barely feel the ends of Sirius’ hair on his cheeks. It tickled, but he didn’t mind.
“Are you okay?”
Everyone could probably hear them, but with Sirius’ hair covering their faces like a shield it was easy to pretend they couldn’t.
“Panic attack,” Remus answered.
Sirius paused. “I know.”
Remus, who had had his eyes mostly closed, instantly opened them. “How?”
“I used to get them too.”
Remus hadn’t ever considered the possibility that Sirius actually knew what was happening. He’d never considered that, let alone the idea that he might understand.
“Oh.”
“Oh.”
“I haven’t had one in a while.”
“Me neither.”
“Thank you. For helping me.”
“Anytime.”
Remus could tell he meant it.
~~~
Later, when they were sitting at a red light in Sirius’ Jeep, Remus finally felt comfortable again. After his episode, Peter and James had let McGonagall and Moody back in. It turned out that, without Remus realizing, James basically pushed them out the door. He’d fought for him. He probably would have done it physically if he had to.
“So,” Remus said, innocently looking out the windows, down at his shoes, or really anywhere that wasn’t Sirius. “Baby?” When he did look over, Sirius’ ears were pink. It took a lot to make Sirius blush, and Remus couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud of himself.
“I was hoping you didn’t hear that.” The light turned yellow and then green, and driving was a delayed reaction for Sirius.
“Why?” Remus knew he was being a little shit, but he didn’t care. Sirius was blushing, and it was really fucking cute.
“Remus,” Sirius said. He was almost pleading. It was way too hot. Sirius was way too hot. It was unfair.
The car, despite being cold about five seconds ago, was starting to feel incredibly warm.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t make me say it.”
“Say what?”
They stopped at a red light. Sirius turned to Remus, nearly moving his entire body. He had one hand on the wheel still, fingers clenching around the black leather, and the other one on the gear shift.
“In my defense, I was worried,” Sirius finally managed to get out. “It just kind of… came out. I’m sorry.”
Remus shook his head, unable to keep the smile off his face. “Don’t apologize. It was cute.” I liked it. He left that part unspoken, but by the smirk on Sirius’ face, he didn’t have to say it.
“Good to know.” Sirius said, eyes back on the road as the light turned yellow and then green. “Baby.”
Remus groaned. “Don’t overuse it, please.”
“Too late, I’m about to be insufferable, baby.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t,” Sirius smirked. “Baby.”
By the time they stopped outside Remus’ flat, he was torn between annoyance and adoration.
“Would you like to come inside?” Remus was very aware of the fact that they were idling on the side of his street. It wasn’t a very populated street, but Sirius was a very famous person.
“Is that alright?” Sirius asked. He was pulling away from the curb before Remus could even respond. He didn’t need directions to the parking, considering he’d been there already, and they drove in comfortable silence. Sirius quietly put his hand in Remus’, and Remus smiled into his shoulder, hoping Sirius couldn’t see it.
They practically ran into the lift, and Remus spent most of the ride up to his flat recovering from that decision. Every time he heard a sound he jumped, but they managed to make it up and into his flat without running into any nosy neighbours.
“Jesus Christ,” Remus muttered when he finally shut the door behind them. “That took fucking ages.”
“Who knew the lift up to your flat would take an eternity,” Sirius grinned, bending down to untie his shoes.
Sirius walked further into the flat, setting his jacket down on the back of the couch, getting a glass from the cupboard, getting water from the sink.
Remus tried to ignore how familiar he felt in his home. In his space. In his life.
He took off his own jacket, hanging it over the closet door, and then followed Sirius into the kitchen. He was leaning against the counter, glass held loosely in his hand, and Remus did his best to ignore the fact that he was staring at him.
“That’s besides the point,” Remus shook his head. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he’d nearly forgotten that they’d been having a conversation.
The kiss was, of course, inevitable. Sirius’ face was warm, his lips were soft. Remus’ hands were cold, but Sirius didn’t seem to mind when they found their way to Sirius’ cheeks, neck, and then into his hair. Sirius tightened his fingers around Remus’ belt loops, and he was briefly reminded of the way his fingers had looked tightened on the steering wheel.
Remus’ fingers tightened, mostly by accident, and when Sirius made a little noise in the back of his throat Remus smiled into the kiss. Remus was pressing Sirius into the cabinets, one hand on the counter next to his hip and the other one back in his hair. Sirius’ hands were wandering, going from his trousers to the bare skin under his jumper, and finally resting on his ribs.
Sirius’ fingers weren’t cold anymore, warmed up from a mix of the warmth of Remus’ flat and the fact that they were under Remus’ jumper, but his rings were still cool on skin. Remus tensed his fingers on the counter, pressing tighter, tighter, tighter until he couldn’t move any closer.
He pulled back slightly, trying to get air into his lungs, and Sirius followed. It was clearly instinct rather than thought, and the second he realized Remus had done it to breathe, he paused.
“Sorry,” Sirius grinned. He didn’t look sorry.
“No you’re not,” Remus rolled his eyes. He was still trying to catch his breath.
“No, I’m not.”
Remus nearly choked on his own spit, causing Sirius to laugh.
“I don’t know what you were expecting me to say,” Sirius grinned. His fingers were tracing circles on Remus’ skin, keeping him from having his full attention on their conversation.
“Me neither,” Remus responded. It came out more sigh than words, eyes closing without meaning for them to.
When he opened them again, Sirius was smiling up at them. When Sirius was that close it was even more apparent that Remus had to look down, Sirius’ forehead at the perfect height for Remus to give him a little forehead kiss. Of course, that’s exactly what he did.
Remus’ hand that had been on the counter moved to Sirius’ arm, his other one slid down to match it on the other side.
“So,” Sirius said when Remus had to pull away to breathe. “What are you making me for dinner?”
Remus’ laugh just made him lightheaded, since he’d already not gotten enough oxygen. “I don’t remember offering to make you anything.”
“I thought it was implied,” Sirius grinned. “You did invite me up, after all.”
“Fine, I guess I can make you something,” Remus said when he could finally speak again. Sirius hadn’t said anything, and his fingers kept drawing circles on Remus’ skin, and he knew he would be content to just stay there forever.
He was, unfortunately, hungry.
“All I have is pasta,” Remus said when he managed to tear himself away from Sirius.
“I love your pasta,” Sirius answered. The second he thought Remus wasn’t looking he hopped up on the counter, but Remus was always looking. Plus, well, Sirius wasn’t exactly quiet.
“Get off my counter,” Remus said into the fridge. Sirius didn’t listen, of course.
“But I have a nice view.” Sirius was smirking, Remus was sure. He kept facing away, though. Sirius didn’t get to see the blush. He didn’t deserve it, he hadn’t earned it. Or something like that.
“Get off my counter,” Remus said again. It sounded marginally less convincing that time, though.
“Make me.”
Their lips were colliding before Remus could think about it. Sirius’ hands cupped Remus’ cheeks, the pads of his fingers making their way into his hair. Remus’ hands rested on Sirius’ thighs, and Sirius’ legs wrapped around the back of Remus’ waist. Sirius really was the perfect height for any situation.
The counter was making Remus’ belt dig into his skin, but he didn’t care. Slowly, in an attempt to make sure Sirius didn’t notice, Remus moved his hands from the sides of Sirius’ thighs around, and then when he had to pull away to breathe he also pulled Sirius forward, off the counter, and into his arms.
Sirius’ squeak was honestly the best reward he could have gotten, and the heat in Sirius’ gaze was just a bonus. His legs tightened around Remus, and Remus quickly adjusted so he had a better grip. There was no fucking way that he would drop Sirius.
At some point, probably when he’d been unceremoniously pulled off the counter, Sirius had moved so his arms were fully wrapped around Remus, which did nothing but pull their faces closer together.
Sirius had to look down at Remus from this angle, and it made Remus think about another universe, where maybe Sirius was the taller one. He didn’t know which he’d prefer, but then he figured that any universe where Sirius’ grey eyes were focused on him, full of adoration and thinly veiled want, was somewhere he’d like to be.
“Are you going to stay off my counter now?” Remus’ face was so close to Sirius he only had to whisper. It felt wrong to break the silence.
Sirius’ smirk was back. “I don’t know, I might do it just so you’ll do this again.”
He dropped Sirius. On purpose, and carefully, but still. Sirius laughed when his feet hit the ground, and he laughed even more when he saw Remus roll his eyes. He turned away, hoping Sirius wouldn’t see the blush, but Sirius reached out his hand to turn Remus’ face back to him quicker than Remus could even think.
“C’mon baby, just let me sit on the counter and watch you cook.”
Remus’ brain short circuited, just for a moment. He stared unblinkingly at Sirius, who stared back with a smirk so hot he felt like he was burning up from the inside. Sirius clearly knew exactly the effect he had on Remus, and it seemed like he was committed to doing whatever he could to make Remus fold to his will.
“Fine,” Remus sighed.
Sirius grinned, victorious. He looked up at Remus through his eyelashes, grey eyes refusing to move from Remus’ face, not that he minded. It looked like he was waiting for something, not that Remus could tell what, so they stared at each other in silence until Sirius broke it.
“Are you going to make me get back up there by myself?” He asked, letting the hand that had moved Remus back to face him trail under Remus’ chin, guiding his face closer to Sirius’.
Their lips just barely brushed, but Remus felt those cliche fireworks that he’d been convinced only existed in the romance novels. His eyes closed, eyelids fluttering as he felt his entire body melting into Sirius.
Sirius pulled back first that time, which was new. He didn’t go far, just enough to stare up at Remus through his eyelashes again.
“Jesus Christ, Sirius,” Remus muttered, shaking his head. “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what, baby?” Sirius’ halo was definitely broken. “You started this… Remember?”
It didn’t matter if Sirius meant the nickname or a joke or not, because it made Remus’ knees weak every time. If Sirius knew what he was doing to Remus - which, to be honest, he probably did - he didn’t show it, just let his arms wrap over Remus’ shoulders and clasp behind the back of his head.
Remus moved fluidly, without warning, and wrapped his hands under Sirius’ thighs to pull him up. Sirius’ legs wrapped around Remus’ waist as tight as possible, smirking as Remus let him bounce just slightly to adjust his grip.
He walked forward until his legs hit the doors of the cabinets, and then leaned forward to set Sirius down gently on the counter. Sirius didn’t loosen his grip on Remus’ waist, not that he was complaining.
“You’re gonna have to let me go at some point,” Remus said, just barely able to hear himself over the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears. “If you want any food.”
“But that’s boring,” Sirius shrugged. “Especially when I can test just how strong you are. Have you been hitting the gym without me knowing?”
“The years of humphing gear did one good thing for me,” Remus rolled his eyes.
Sirius’ smirk was absolutely driving him mad. “Who knew you were hiding all that strength under those baggy jumpers.”
Remus had to pause to catch his breath, and then cough, and then catch his breath again from the coughing. Decidedly unsexy, but when he regained full function of his organs and looked back at Sirius, he wasn’t looking at him any differently. He leaned forward, tugging Remus closer with his ankles, and proving once again that Remus would always, without fail, be weak for Sirius.
After they’d made food - well, Remus had made food and Sirius had dutifully watched from the counter, smirking at him, fingers reaching for him every chance he got, lips just barely brushing Remus’ every time he moved in for a kiss - they curled up on the couch. Remus could say with absolute certainty that Sirius was a fantastic pillow, and he closed his eyes as Sirius wove his fingers through his hair.
He’d spent the entire time in the kitchen and then at the table reminded of the last time they’d been in that situation. It was achingly familiar in a way that Remus didn’t realize was possible, except instead of awkward interrupting mothers and looks that faded into the background, Remus could simply lean over and kiss Sirius whenever he wanted.
“We should sleep.” Sirius’ words cut through the sleepy haze Remus had found himself in, and even though he knew he was right, he didn’t want to move.
“Make me,” Remus muttered into Sirius’ chest. He felt his laughter more than heard it, it rattled through him comfortably and he couldn’t help but smile into Sirius’ t-shirt.
“I can’t pick you up baby,” Sirius answered, just barely jostling him, trying to make sure he didn’t fall back into that dreamy almost sleep-like state that he loved so much. “You’ve gotta help me out here.”
“Are you calling me fat?” Remus forced himself up, groggy but semi-coherent at the idea that maybe Sirius wouldn’t leave, maybe he’d stay, maybe he’d get to wake up next to him in the morning.
Sirius snorted. “As if. It’s a reflection of me, not you. I don’t lift heavy things for a living.”
Remus didn’t manage a response, focused more on not tripping or stubbing his toes on the short walk to his bedroom. Sirius followed, slipping his hand in Remus’, and Remus couldn’t help but feel more alive, more alert, the longer they touched.
“You can look for something to change into over there,” Remus nodded to his closet and wardrobe. “Pick whatever you want.”
He turned away, focused on making sure he didn’t have too many clothes, books, or bags lying around, until he heard a gasp.
“Remus John Lupin, you little thief!” Sirius exclaimed. It was possibly the loudest thing that had happened since they’d stepped through the door, and Remus almost jumped in shock.
He turned around, curious about what could have elicited such a reaction, and felt his face flushing when he saw the shirt Sirius had pulled out of his middle drawer. It was black, and perfectly folded, and clearly the shirt Sirius had lent Remus all those months ago.
“I thought I lost this,” Sirius said, looking up at Remus with one eyebrow raised. “I can’t believe it’s been folded up in your drawer the whole time.”
“You never asked for it back,” Remus shrugged. “I promise I’ve kept it very safe.”
“I can see that,” Sirius grinned. “Anyway, you should keep it. It looked better on you anyway.”
Remus’ smile definitely didn’t get any bigger. At all. Because that would have been silly. “Good, because I didn’t want to give it back. It’s very comfortable, you know.”
“I know, it used to be mine,” Sirius answered, shaking his head. He turned away, back to the drawer, and Remus didn’t miss the way he carefully put the shirt back where he’d found it.
Remus turned away, hoping facing away from Sirius would cure the blush on his cheeks or the ringing in his ears, while also hoping Sirius wouldn’t miss the tiny slip up he’d accidentally let through.
“Hang on a second,” Sirius said, what Remus had said dawning on him. “Have you worn it again, after the time I lent it to you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Remus shrugged. He didn’t turn around though, figuring the longer he stayed away the better. Hopefully it would stop the fierce blush from giving him away.
Remus could hear Sirius’ footsteps behind him, but he refused to turn around. The blush wasn’t gone yet. He couldn’t let Sirius know he was winning.
“I don’t believe you.” Sirius was way closer to him than he’d been expecting, and Remus jumped in shock when he could feel Sirius’ breath ghosting on the back of his neck.
“Jesus Christ, Sirius,” Remus breathed more than spoke. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
Sirius’ fingers slid over Remus’ waist in a way that made his knees weak. He nearly held his breath, mostly by accident, as Sirius got closer and closer. He was like a furnace, and Remus found himself leaning into him subconsciously, letting himself lose his breath, find it again, and then relax into Sirius’ arms.
“Sorry,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear. His breath tickled a little, but all it did was make Remus close his eyes, lost in the sound, feel, smell, and everything else of Sirius.
He was familiar, and yet foreign, and Remus was doing whatever he could to hold onto every moment he got. Remus turned around, lifting back up to his full height again. Sirius, who didn’t look sorry at all, smirked up at him.
“No you’re not,” Remus rolled his eyes.
“No,” Sirius shook his head. “I’m really not.” He pulled Remus down by the front of his shirt until their lips met, and Remus didn’t even realize he was moving backwards until his back hit the wall.
Remus gasped, mostly by accident, at how Sirius’ hand pressed into the wall next to his shoulder. His other hand was still fisting at Remus’ shirt, and he let himself be pulled in again, before flipping them around so it was Sirius against the wall.
Remus pulled back, only by a little bit, needing to breathe, but Sirius’ lips followed his. He could see the heat in his eyes, and Remus kissed him again even though his lungs were fighting back. He only lasted a second before needing air, and Sirius gave him space, letting his head fall back and looking up at Remus through his eyelashes.
When Remus finally caught his breath, Sirius’ mouth was on his before he could lean in. He might have hid his smile in the past, but he smiled into the kiss. The fact that Sirius knew him well enough to know when he was okay again meant more than he could ever explain.
The next time he leaned back to breathe, it ended in a yawn. When he opened his eyes again, a little bleary but ignoring it, Sirius just smiled.
“Tired?” Sirius reached up, tangling his fingers in Remus’ hair and letting them drag across his scalp in a way that made Remus lean into it more, eyes closing and a smile crossing his face.
“No,” Remus lied. He leaned in, but Sirius was faster. His fingers reached up, pressing against Remus’ lips, and he shook his head. Remus yawned again, and then coughed, and then fought to catch his breath.
Sirius shook his head, pushing forward until Remus’ arm dropped from the wall and he was further into the room. “Bedtime,” He smiled. “We have another long day tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to think about that right now,” Remus sighed. He was tired just thinking about it. A full day of recording - their sixth in a row - was not high on his list of favourite things. Not because he didn’t like recording, but because he wanted a day off.
“Then let’s get to no thoughts,” Sirius answered, taking Remus’ hand in his. He intertwined their fingers, and Remus went willingly.
Sirius went back to his dresser, searching for something to wear, and Remus crossed over to his bed. He’d left his shirt there that morning, the one he liked to sleep in. It was worn, the neck loose from years of wear, but it was familiar. Was it too boring? Was it ugly? It wasn’t exactly the most flattering thing Remus owned, but he couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted to impress anyone right before sleep. He certainly had never felt it that much.
Remus tugged his shirt over his head, throwing the other one on before he could overthink it. He shoved his trousers down, awkwardly stepping out of them and trying to ignore the fact that Sirius was standing right behind him. He was tantalisingly close, but he didn’t dare turn around until he heard Sirius say he was changed.
“Me too,” Remus said, turning around at the same time as Sirius.
He’d never really understood the appeal of someone wearing his clothes. He’d always thought it was silly, and overdramatized by movies as something of importance.
Remus was eating his words then. Sirius was drowning in Remus’ Cobain shirt. It was already big on Remus, but it was nearly sinful on Sirius. He wasn’t wearing his jeans anymore, and Remus noticed them folded on the top of his dresser next to Sirius’ shirt. Remus’ eyes moved back to Sirius, and he knew he was staring, but he didn’t have it in him to care.
Sirius stepped closer, reaching a hand out and smiling when Remus grasped it. He let their fingers intertwine again, and Remus pulled him closer, hands on Sirius’ cheeks, leaving a light kiss on his lips.
He breathed in, and then out, and then coughed, and Sirius stared up at him adoringly through it all.
Remus turned off the light, and then turned back to Sirius. “C’mon,” Remus whispered, tugging him towards the bed.
He squeezed Sirius’ hand and then let go, crossing around the bed to his side. He pulled back the covers, silently thanking his past self for recently washing the sheets, and mirrored Sirius as he sat down and then laid down.
They were both hesitant for a moment. Neither of them knew where to move, what to do, until Remus finally opened up his arm, smiling when Sirius moved closer, resting his head on Remus’ arm. Remus let his other arm drape over Sirius’ middle, hand dangling off his body in a way that had no business being as comfortable as it did.
“Is your arm okay?” Sirius asked into Remus’ chest. “I feel bad that I’m lying on it.”
“Yeah, Sirius,” Remus answered. He smiled into the dark, leaning over to brush his lips into Sirius’ hair. “I’m good.”
“Good,” Sirius muttered. Remus could hear the sleep in his voice, and the way it sounded was adorable. “I’m comfortable.”
“I’m glad,” Remus whispered back. He pulled Sirius closer, a request more than a true attempt, and Sirius shuffled over until his head was laying half on his arm and half on his chest. His arm, the one that wasn’t pressed between their bodies, draped over Remus in a mirror image to his own arm across Sirius.
Remus drifted, faster than he’d wanted, but he didn’t mind. He knew this was the first of many, and even though he wanted to savour it, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he could feel Sirius’ heartbeat against him again.
~~~
The morning came too quickly for Remus, and when he found himself waking up he wished he could undo it. The sun wasn’t up yet, but his alarm was blaring next to him. He reached out to turn it off, but he was being held back by Sirius’ still sleeping body.
Remus smiled, kissing his forehead slightly, and then moving away from his comfortingly warm body to grab the phone off his nightstand. How Sirius was remaining asleep was beyond him, but once the alarm was turned off he pressed feather light kisses on Sirius’ hair, his forehead, his temples, until he felt him shift slightly, coming out of sleep slowly.
It was, unfortunately for Remus, incredibly cute. Sirius’ nose scrunched, his arm pulled Remus tighter, fingers grasping the back of his shirt.
“Good morning,” Remus murmured against Sirius’ hair.
“Morning.” Sirius’ voice was groggy and deeper than normal, and he rotated his neck slightly without moving anything else, clearly attempting to stretch.
“You’re cute when you wake up,” Remus said. He immediately pressed his lips together, kicking himself for letting that out, and even though he could only barely see Sirius’ face because of the angle, his smile still made him want to giggle and kick his feet like a school girl with her first crush.
“Thanks,” Sirius grinned. “So are you.”
Remus coughed, leaning back from Sirius for a moment, and when he was done Sirius snuggled in again.
“We need to get up,” Remus sighed. “Before we fall back asleep. We have to get to the studio.”
“Fuck the studio,” Sirius muttered, not moving. “What time is it?”
“Just after half six,” Remus answered.
Sirius groaned. “That’s so fucking early. There’s no way we need to be awake at this time.”
“We have to be there by eight,” Remus answered, moving his hand to trail over Sirius’ arm. “My flat is further than yours, it’ll take a bit longer to get there. We don’t want to be late.”
“Why not?” Sirius whined, moving closer.
“You’re not helping, Sirius,” Remus sighed. Sirius was so warm, and he really didn’t want to move away.
“Good,” Sirius muttered into his chest, his arm around him tightened, and he slid one leg over Remus in an attempt to become a koala. “I wasn’t trying to.”
“C’mon,” Remus said, trying to pull back. “Let’s go, little koala.”
“No, baby,” Sirius pulled closer.
Remus was fucked. That had, of course, been established before. Many times, in fact. He’d known since meeting Sirius that he was fucked. But it came crashing back as he laid there, feeling Sirius tighten his grip, his fingers tensing in the back of Remus’ shirt, his leg pressing against Remus’ hip.
Remus, definitely not wanting to move but realizing there was no chance Sirius would do it first, rolled himself over, pulling Sirius with him and then sliding off the bed. Sirius made a noise of annoyance in the back of his throat, but Remus was strong enough to get them mostly up without letting Sirius squirm back out of his grip.
“Jesus Christ,” Sirius muttered, squeezing Remus’ arms and making sure he had his feet under him. “You really can just pull me around, can’t you?”
Remus shrugged, tightening his fingers around Sirius’ - his - shirt. “Maybe.”
Sirius grinned up at him. He ran his hands up Remus’ arms, staring up at him through his eyelashes in the way Remus loved. “Ominous,” He paused. “I like it.”
Remus snorted, rolling his eyes and pulling back. “Keep it in your pants, Sirius.”
“Why?” Sirius leaned closer. “Wouldn’t you like to take them off?”
“I know you’re trying to distract me, and I know you know it’s working, but I refuse to be late,” Remus answered. He’d pulled the duvet off the bed with them, and he detangled it from their legs before throwing it back on the bed and pushing Sirius over to where he’d left his clothes.
Remus followed, and busied himself with finding something to wear so he didn’t have to look at Sirius. His green corduroys seemed like a safe choice, so he grabbed those as well as a random band t-shirt. He would have wanted to wear the Cobain one, except Sirius had just worn it to bed, so unfortunately it was off the table.
“Hey, Remus?” Sirius actually sounded timid, which was possibly a first. Remus turned to look at him, and he was awkwardly holding his clothes in his hand.
“Yes, Sirius?” Remus took a couple of steps to stand closer to him, because he couldn’t help it.
“Could I maybe borrow a shirt? I don’t fancy going into the studio in the exact same clothes as yesterday.”
“Of course,” Remus smiled. “Pick whatever you want.”
As Sirius deliberated, Remus fished his brown cable knit jumper out of the pile of random clothes by his desk. He put it on, and then turned around just as Sirius was pulling his shirt off. He was only using one hand, which looked way hotter than it should have, and then he was standing shirtless in Remus’ bedroom.
Remus already knew he was hot, but fuck it was way more obvious up close. He was chiseled in a way that Remus didn’t even know was possible, and his pale skin was completely clear aside from the dark ink that formed shapes, patterns, and words. The tattoos were everywhere, and Remus realized that what he’d seen in photos and in person before then was only the tip of the iceberg of what Sirius had.
The tattoo that peeked out from the tops of his shirts was finally visible, and the moon phases stood out against the other more fine line tattoos around it. There was a constellation on his ribs, but it wasn’t one Remus recognized.
Remus was torn out of his blatant staring by fabric being pulled down, and then Sirius’ laughing. “You should probably close your mouth at some point. Wouldn’t want your jaw to start hurting.” Remus could see in his eyes, when he snapped up to look at Sirius’ grey irises, that it was absolutely meant as a dirty joke.
“You are terrible,” Remus’ laugh was half surprised, half endeared. “Just get dressed.”
Sirius winked. “Feel free to stare as much as you want.” He reached up to pull his hair out of the neckline, and it didn’t take Remus long to realize he was wearing his favourite green jumper.
The sleeves were too long, and Sirius rolled them up a bit so they weren’t covering his hands. He tucked the front into his jeans, pulling it out slightly so it was elegantly baggy, before looking back up at Remus.
“What?”
Remus shook his head, forcing himself to turn away. His ears were pink, he was pretty sure, but he also knew his arms were too, if the itching sensation under his jumper sleeves were anything to go off of. “We should go,” He said instead of what he was thinking. “We’re going to be late.”
“Lead the way,” Sirius said, following behind Remus as he walked to the toilet. He wordlessly handed Sirius a packaged toothbrush from the cupboard, and they both brushed their teeth in comfortable silence.
When they finally got into Sirius’ car, they were only running ten minutes behind. However, they then hit every single possible red light, leaving Sirius swearing at everyone else on the road and Remus laughing that he had no one to blame but himself.
“This is your fault,” Sirius said when they ran into the lift. Remus, who was trying to catch his breath against the wall, gasped in offence. And then he coughed, because of course he did.
“My fault!” Remus exclaimed, affronted. “This is absolutely all your fault.” He pointed across the lift at Sirius, who was leaning against the opposite wall.
“We wouldn’t be late right now if you weren’t such a comfortable pillow,” Sirius shook his head. The top part of his hair was pulled up in a bun, and it left his ears exposed. The bright light in the lift made the metal in Sirius’ ears glint, and Remus was temporarily distracted from their fight by the sight.
“You- What-” Remus stammered out when he finally remembered what they’d been talking about. “Lies!”
Before Sirius could respond, or Remus could cross the length of the lift and kiss Sirius until he finally admitted to them being nearly twenty minutes late because of him, the ding indicating they’d reached their floor went off.
“Twelfth floor,” The robotic woman’s voice said, and then the door opened. The corridor was empty, not that that was surprising. There were multiple recording studios up here, but their management always booked the whole floor for them despite them not actually needing it.
The silence felt a bit menacing, and they quickly walked past all the closed doors until they finally got to the one with the crack of light under it. Their momentum barrelled them through the door, and the second it was open and they were through Remus started muttering out apologies.
“Sorry, traffic,” Remus said vaguely, not looking at anyone. Moody didn’t even look at them, focused on talking to James via the microphone. James was sitting at his drum kit, twirling a stick absentmindedly in one hand, listening to Moody’s instruction.
“Nice jumper,” Peter grinned. He was nodding at Sirius, but his gaze flicked between both of them. Remus, refusing to make eye contact, scratched under his sleeves.
“Stop,” Sirius murmured to Remus, reaching out to quiet his hands.
“It looks vaguely familiar,” Peter continued. He ignored Sirius pulling Remus’ hands away from his own arms, but didn’t comment. It was clear he knew what to make fun of and what not to, which filled Remus with a warmth he’d not considered. Sirius knew him, that much was obvious, but evidently Peter knew him too.
“It does, doesn’t it?” Lily joined in. Her voice didn’t have the same undercut of sarcasm, instead sounding light and airy, but it had the same effect.
“Get fucked,” Sirius answered. His words were cutting but his tone wasn’t. He was still looking at Remus.
“No thank you,” Peter said. “I’d really rather not.”
Lily, speaking at the same time, had a slightly different answer. “Oh I do. I have no issues with that, actually.”
That caught Remus’ attention, and he tore his gaze from Sirius’ to stare at Lily. He’d never heard her speak so brazenly, and the laugh it pulled out of him was echoed by Peter and Sirius.
“Really didn’t need to know that,” Peter laughed. “I might not look at you two the same way again.” He nodded towards the window into the recording room. “Oh look, James is looking.”
Lily’s eyes immediately crossed to see what Peter was talking about. James was decidedly not looking at her, focused on adjusting his snare.
“You’re such a little shit,” She rolled her eyes, leaning back against the couch she was sitting on.
“You love me,” Peter grinned, relaxing back into his own chair. Lily rolled her eyes again, but there was an adoring look in them, reflecting how she really felt. It was clear to Remus - and had been from the start - how much she truly loved her friends.
They chatted a bit after that, keeping it quiet when Moody glared at them one too many times, and then relaxed into silence as James played the drumline in Kiss Me Kiss Me for the thousandth time. Or, well, close to that. Remus had lost count hours ago.
In his opinion there was no way they hadn’t gotten a good take, but what did he know?
“I’ve got it,” Sirius said, knocking Remus out of his thoughts. Peter nearly jumped a foot in the air, and Lily dropped her phone on her lap with a wince.
“The secret to sending me to an early grave?” Lily asked, rescuing her phone from slipping onto the ground.
“Remus’ nickname,” Sirius shook his head. All eyes turned to Remus and then back to Sirius, obviously excited to hear what Sirius was thinking.
“Oh God,” Remus groaned. He’d been secretly hoping they’d forgotten about the nickname tradition. “What is it?”
“Why do you look so scared?” Sirius asked, offended.
“I know Peter is Wormtail, so yeah I’m a little bit concerned.”
“Hurtful,” Sirius said before pausing. “James came up with that one, for the record.”
“Mhm, okay,” Remus smiled. “Carry on then.”
“Well? Spit it out,” Peter said, motioning with his hand to get Sirius to talk faster.
Sirius, realizing early that he had an incredibly captive audience, then decided to drag it out. “The nickname is…. Decided upon by your very own Sirius Black…. Drumroll please….”
“Out with it!” Peter said, throwing a couch cushion at him. Sirius made an oomph noise when it connected with his stomach, and when Peter grabbed another one, clearly about to do the same thing, he held up his hands.
“Moony!”
Silence. Sirius, who still looked incredibly excited at his decision, waited for their response.
When it was clear he wasn’t getting one, he pressed on. “Get it? ‘Cause like the whole werewolf name thing? Full moon? Moony?”
Remus had been holding back a laugh, but he couldn’t do it anymore. “That’s awful!”
Sirius, looking offended again, leaned closer to Remus. “It is not! I think it’s perfect.”
“It’s certainly better than Wormtail,” Peter muttered. “Can’t believe that’s the one that stuck out of the options. I’m Wormtail, Moony,” He said to Remus. “Consider yourself lucky.”
When Remus turned to Lily she was nodding. “He has a point.”
“I cannot believe you’re insulting my name choice,” Sirius sighed. “I know it’s perfect.”
Remus smiled at Sirius. He looked a little dejected, but when Remus smiled at him he started looking a bit more like normal.
“Okay,” Remus sighed. “Moony it is.”
~~~
“Okay,” Moody said into the microphone after James had done another take of Kiss Me Kiss Me. “We’re done for the day.”
Peter, who had looked increasingly bored over the last half hour or so, was the first one up. “Finally,” He grinned. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
James was out of the soundproofed room faster than Remus thought possible. He had his drumsticks stuffed precariously in his back pocket, and he instantly bounded past the rest of them to pull Lily into a soft kiss.
“Shall we?” Sirius asked, pointing them all towards the door.
“Let’s,” Lily nodded, pulling James towards the door.
“See you in a couple days,” Remus smiled to Moody on his way out. He was ignored, but that was okay.
They rode down the lift, Lily reminding them all of the plan. The marketing team had crafted a perfect first step to announcing Remus and the next album. The Marauders were going to walk out of the studio, Peter leading with James and Sirius close behind. They’d hired photographers to be stationed outside, cameras poised on the three of them exiting. James would have his drumsticks in his pocket, leading to only one conclusion.
Sirius, just a few steps outside, had been instructed to - casually - look backwards at Remus, who would be just inside the doorway out of sight, Lily behind him to take photos from behind Remus.
Lily’s photos, taken on her phone, wouldn’t be posted until later, but the professional ones would be posted the next day by a couple of reputable news sites. Remus, who had literally no job, didn’t comment any affirmative, but Peter, James, and Sirius did.
“Got it,” Sirius nodded. “Easy.”
“Exactly,” Lily smiled. “We have one shot, so don’t fuck it up.”
“Yes, ma’am,” James smirked. Lily rolled her eyes, but leaned in for James’ kiss anyway. They got down to the foyer, and Sirius pulled out his phone to look at his image in the camera.
“Your hair looks fine,” Peter said, trying to hide the way he adjusted his shirt.
“Thanks Wormy,” Sirius grinned, doing one last fluff and then tucking his phone back in his pocket.
“Let’s do this,” James said, nodding for Peter to lead the way.
Remus held back just in front of Lily while Peter stepped into the sunset, and then James - with his drumsticks ‘casually’ visible in his pocket - and then Sirius last. Remus, who was totally not checking out Sirius as he left, lost his thoughts when Sirius turned back around and smiled at him.
They’d timed it perfectly, of course, so the three men leaving the studio were caught in golden hour. Sirius practically glowed, looking like an angel. Remus was very glad his dopey smile wasn’t visible to any cameras.
Sirius turned back around, the cue for the cameras to stop, and then Remus half walked half stumbled through the door, following Sirius, James, and Peter into the waiting car. Lily slid in behind him, and waited until they’d all buckled in before telling the driver they were good to go.
James and Sirius had both driven, of course, but they’d done so in the car park meaning that they wouldn’t have needed to exit the building. The driver pulled around to the back, letting them out by the street entrance, waiting for them to all be on the pavement before driving away.
They walked to their cars together, James and Peter leading the way with Sirius just a step behind, followed by Remus and Lily who walked in step with each other.
“Congrats,” Lily said, smiling up at him.
“For what?” Remus asked. He couldn’t think of anything new.
“The nickname,” came Lily’s teasing response. Remus couldn’t help the barking laugh, and it echoed through the car park.
“What are you two laughing about?” James asked, turning around to walk backwards.
“You’re going to fall like that,” Peter said, still walking normally but with his head to the side.
“No I’m not,” James scoffed.
Peter reached out and pushed his shoulder, and James nearly toppled over but barely managed to catch himself.
Their laughter echoed just like Remus’ had, and that carried on the remaining distance to the cars. They split up, Lily, James, and Peter crossing to James’ car while Remus and Sirius turned to Sirius’.
“Until tomorrow,” James said after the car beeped indicating it was unlocked.
“Until tomorrow,” Sirius nodded, saluting James, who immediately saluted back.
Peter was the first to open his door, grinning at Sirius and James over the hood. “Bye Padfoot, Moony.”
Sirius and Remus chorused their goodbyes, Remus with an eyeroll and Sirius with a grin, while James looked between them all confused.
“What?” He asked. “When did Remus get a nickname, what does it mean, and why did it happen without me?”
“Get in,” Lily said, slipping into the front seat. Her next words were muffled as James closed his door behind himself. “We’ll explain on the way.”
Sirius grinned sideways at Remus, who rolled his eyes while reaching for his hand.
“It’s catching on,” Sirius grinned.
“Don’t get cocky,” Remus said, pulling him towards Sirius’ car.
“But that’s no fun,” Sirius frowned. He was making fun, of course, and didn’t stop until they were out of the car park and on the road, much to Remus’ mostly fake annoyance.
Remus got out his phone to text Marlene as Sirius turned on the radio.
[Audio Dream Team]
Rem: We’re on our way
He didn’t get a response, but that wasn’t surprising. Her shift wasn’t over yet, and wouldn’t be over until right around when they got there, so he locked his phone and then looked up.
“What did Marlene say?” Sirius asked.
“Nothing yet,” Remus answered, turning to face him. “But her shift isn’t done yet, so it makes sense.”
Sirius nodded, glancing over at him with a smile and then keeping his eyes focused on the road again.
“Thank you again, for doing this,” Remus said over top of a vaguely familiar pop song. “I’m sure driving isn’t high on your list of things to do today.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Sirius shrugged. He slowed down at a yellow light, and then turned to Remus. “Besides, really anything with you is what I want to do today.”
“That was so cheesy,” Remus snorted.
Sirius grinned, taking his hand. “I know, but you like it, don’t lie.”
“Debatable,” Remus lied.
Sirius clearly saw right through him, and he pulled Remus’ hand up to his face to press a light kiss on his fingers.
“Cheesy!” Remus said again with a laugh, but he didn’t take his hand back.
Sirius grinned, and started singing. It took Remus a moment to realize he was singing along to the radio, but it was a song he’d never heard before. “Father I’m torn and I’m selling my soul to the rhythm, the beat and the bass. ‘Cause I can’t confess my rock and roll ways, ‘cause I’m so possessed with the music, the music he plays.”
“What are the fucking chances that a song with this exact meaning comes on right now,” Remus said, half exasperated and half amazed.
“I’m just magic, Moony, I don’t know what else to say.”
Honestly, with Sirius’ luck, Remus might have even believed it.
The song kept playing and Sirius kept singing along, just quieter as he focused on driving. It was a catchy song, and Remus found himself nodding along too. Sirius turned it up a bit when the chorus played, and he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the beat.
“Well, that was Pandora with Rock God, her first single off her new album coming out in just two weeks,” A female radio host’s voice came over the speakers after the song finished. “The newest name on Gryffindor Records, her and her band have been hitting the top of the charts across the United Kingdom.”
Remus, who had been staring out the window, immediately turned to look at the screen.
“That’s exciting,” Sirius said, still looking out the front windshield. They’d hit a bit of traffic, but they were only about ten minutes from Wembley, so it wasn’t too worrisome. Marlene still had a solid fifteen minutes of her shift left.
“Looks like I’m not the newest member of Gryffindor Records anymore,” Remus smiled.
“Still the most secretive though,” Sirius laughed. They turned off the main road, driving down the back ways to get to the stadium exit Marlene always used.
“Not for long,” Remus sighed. They hadn’t decided anything yet, but he had a feeling that was what the next meeting was about.
“Are you nervous?” Sirius asked.
Remus hesitated. “Yes and no.”
He paused, staring out at the familiar scenery. It felt like a lifetime had passed since the last time he’d gone down these streets. He wouldn’t give up his new job for anything, but part of him missed his old job. Even though being in a band was his first dream, he’d moved on. Working in sound had been his new dream, and it felt weird to leave that behind.
Ten year old Remus would be proud, nineteen year old Remus would be confused, and twenty-two year old Remus would be sad.
Twenty-four year old Remus was still just trying to figure it out.