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Eddie Diaz saw red.
He hadn’t even wanted to be at this party to begin with.
He had wanted to stay home like he had been the past few weeks.
Buck had of course dragged him to this get-together at Tommy’s instead.
It wasn’t really much of anything; get-togethers with the 118 usually involved a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s (although since their own house was barbecued by the fucking cartel a few weeks ago he supposed they wouldn’t be having any firefam gatherings there anytime soon).
Here, however, it was a few members of the 118- Hen and Karen, Chim and Maddie plus a few familiar faces from B shift that Buck had invited- a few people from air rescue (the only one of which Eddie recognized was Lucy Donato, and he was not about to talk to her), and a couple of Tommy’s old buddies from the academy.
Eddie pretty much stayed in a corner the whole time, Hen and Karen attempting to draw him out occasionally. Chimney had been distracted catching up with a few members of B shift the whole night, Maddie helping Buck with host duties (why Buck was playing the role of host for a get-together at Tommy’s, Eddie couldn’t tell you).
So Eddie stood in the corner nursing his beer. He honestly wasn’t in the mood for any socializing; he hadn’t been since Christopher left. If it hadn’t been for Buck flashing those puppy-dog eyes at Eddie, he wouldn’t even be here. It was something that no matter how hard he tried, he could never be immune to Buck’s eyes.
Even though he was kind of pissed at the moment. When Christopher first went back to El Paso with Eddie’s parents, Buck had promised to be there whenever Eddie needed him- no matter what time, day or night, he’d be there. That had quickly been proven false.
“Sorry, Eds, I promised Tommy I’d go to poker at his buddy’s house.”
“I can’t tonight, Eddie, Tommy and I have reservations at that new restaurant Hen and Karen recommended- maybe tomorrow?”
“I’d love to get drinks! Mind if Tommy tags along?”
“You’re welcome to hang with me and Tommy anytime.”
And look; Eddie knew that Buck was in a relationship with Tommy. He knew that Buck was happy with Tommy. But he couldn’t help but feel a little sidelined.
Of course, Eddie was only Buck’s best friend- he wasn’t Buck’s main priority right now. Of course he was going to put his boyfriend first- Eddie wouldn’t expect anything less.
Except it felt really fucking shitty to have the only person you want to be around constantly blowing you off for their boyfriend.
When they had both been in relationships before, they had always managed to find the time to do things together, just the two of them. There were no rain checks, no ‘sorry, what about tomorrow’s. Things just seemed to flow.
But the moment Buck started dating Tommy it felt like that had all just been flushed down the drain.
Even still, Eddie couldn’t resist those puppy dog eyes when Buck asked him to come to this get-together.
“ Please, Eds? It’ll be good for you to get out of that house. I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while. ”
He was right. They hadn’t seen each other outside of work in a while. Even when on shift, Gerrard made things hell enough to where they barely spent any time together lately. So of course Eddie jumped at the chance for a night of hanging with Buck- even in a group setting.
The thing was, aside from a ‘so glad you’re here, man’ with a short little shoulder clap in passing, Buck hadn’t spoken another word to Eddie all night.
So, that was how Eddie found himself in a far corner of Tommy’s living room- alone- drinking a beer by himself. He hadn’t even noticed that Tommy and Sal- someone who had been at the 118 around the time Hen started, if he recalled correctly- had made their way nearby until he picked up pieces of their conversation.
“Yeah, apparently Gerrard is putting them through it,” Tommy sighed with what sounded like an exasperated chuckle.
“Oh come on, the guy isn’t that bad,” Sal laughed in response.
“Well, you know how Wilson and Han were back in the day,” Tommy snorted. “Evan thinks every little thing is a personal attack on the whole team- I tell him to lay low and just ignore it, but everyday he just comes home with a new story about how awful it is there. He’s not even the one the comments are aimed at, but he keeps coming home talking about how mean Gerrard is to Eddie and Hen and Chimney.”
Eddie feels his grip tighten around the neck of his beer bottle at the tone of Tommy’s voice. He knew that he and Buck hadn’t been dating for that long, but even then the way Tommy was talking about Buck had Eddie wanting to march over there and give him a piece of his mind. Before he could think too much about it, Sal was continuing.
“Eddie’s the Mexican guy right? Diaz?” Sal asked.
“Yeah, the one I was telling you about. Hot as hell; with the kid.” Tommy told him.
“Oh yeah, the guy you were trying to sleep with before Buckley?” Sal asked.
Eddie felt his stomach flip at that. What the fuck was Sal talking about?
“Yeah,” Tommy sighed. “He’s disappointingly straight though. Had to go with the backup option.”
“Well, Buckley isn’t too bad to look at I guess,” Sal shrugged. “I’m not gay, but I’ve heard stories from his so-called 1.0 phase. Bet he’s a good lay, huh?”
“You have no idea,” Tommy scoffed. “He loves to just lie there and take it. Probably one of the best pieces of ass I’ve had in a while. My own personal human fleshlight, I swear.”
Eddie’s stomach churned hearing Buck talked about like that- like some object.
“Damn,” Sal shook his head. “Enough to make up for not being Diaz?”
“I mean Evan is cute enough,” Tommy shrugged. “And, y’know, he doesn’t have any extra baggage to deal with like Diaz did.”
“Oh yeah, the kid that ran off,” Sal nodded. “Isn’t something wrong with him?”
It was Tommy’s response to that that did it. The moment he used that word to describe Christopher. One single word that had Eddie’s vision clouding with pure rage. The flippantly casual way he said ‘Can’t remember exactly what, all I know is the kid is r-“
Before he knew he had even moved from his spot, Tommy was on the ground, grabbing his nose with his hand- a blunt pain shooting through Eddie’s fist from where it had collided with the pilot’s face. The guests around them had all turned to watch in horror as Tommy let out a pained shout.
“What the fuck ?” Tommy growled, sounding congested- his nose no doubt broken and bleeding.
Eddie looked around at the horrified looks on everyone’s faces as he quickly turned and made his way to the front door- dropping his beer bottle on the floor as he went, not even bothering to care about the mess it would make. He quickly scrambled into his truck before making the long drive back home, his hand throbbing in pain from having punched Tommy so hard.
“What the fuck happened?” Buck barked at Sal as he crouched down next to Tommy on the floor.
“Diaz just came up out of nowhere and punched him!” Sal held his hands up. “We were just having a casual conversation, and suddenly he’s on the floor, and Diaz is standing over him.”
“Eddie did this?” Buck asked, turning a horrified glance at Tommy who simply nodded- wincing in pain.
“Okay, he needs to get to the ER,” Hen said, crouching down beside Buck, draping one of Tommy’s arms around her shoulders, silently nodding at Buck for him to grab Tommy’s other arm.
Together they took him to Buck’s Jeep, carefully helping him in as Maddie ran out of the house behind them with a cold compress in her hand. She handed it to Tommy who grumbled out a thanks as he snatched it from her- Maddie recoiling slightly as she shared an unimpressed look with Hen who shook her head.
Buck had since made his way to the driver’s side of the Jeep, climbing in and starting the engine. As they drove away, Hen and Maddie stood on the cement pad driveway in front of Tommy’s house for a moment, watching the Jeep as it disappeared around a corner.
“Do you buy that ‘we were just talking’ bullshit for a second?” Hen asked, casting a sideways glance at Maddie who rolled her eyes.
“Absolutely not,” she muttered, crossing her arms. “One of us should go after Eddie. Find out what actually happened.”
“I’ll go,” Hen sighed. “If you and Chim can give Karen a ride home?”
“Of course-” Maddie nodded. “Let us know how it goes, yeah?”
Hen nodded before making her way over to her car, climbing in, sending a quick text to Karen telling her what was going on before starting the engine. She let out a deep exhale as she began the drive towards the Diaz house.
Eddie sat in his kitchen with a dishrag wrapped around ice resting on his hand. He nursed a beer in the other as he leaned back in his chair, head tossed back as he squeezed his eyes closed- mentally berating himself for doing what he did.
It wasn’t that Tommy didn’t deserve to be called out- hell, he deserved to be told what a huge fucking asshole he was for saying something like that about a kid- but Eddie knew that punching him would only create more problems… but he did it anyway because how dare he talk about Christopher like that?
Christopher who was nothing but a ray of sunshine in human form- who didn’t have a bad or unpleasant bone in his body. Christopher who was one of the few sources of joy left in Eddie’s life. Christopher who left because Eddie failed him. Again.
That was something Eddie couldn’t see to quit doing. Failing those around him. He failed Shannon and Christopher by running off to Afghanistan. He failed his parents by not living up to their standards. He failed the 118 by leaving after getting shot. He failed Buck by not seeing him…
He failed Ana by not being able to love her. He failed Marisol by cheating on her. He failed Kim by leading her on. He failed Christopher by starting this whole mess with Kim in the first place. He failed Buck by blowing up his life yet again…
Eddie was constantly failing those around him- and no matter how much he didn’t want to, he simply couldn’t stop.
A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts- Eddie’s body freezing in place. He knew someone would come looking eventually. Someone chasing him to demand to know why he hauled off and punched someone in the middle of a crowded party.
He slowly made his way to the front door, opening it to reveal Hen standing on the other side. She leveled him with an expectant look, Eddie letting out a deep sigh as he stepped aside to let her in.
Once they reached the kitchen, he opened the fridge, grabbing a beer and handing it towards her, silently asking if she’d like one. She waved him off, Eddie shutting the fridge and opening it for himself- his other bottle having lost its chill- sitting down across from her.
“So,” she sighed, looking at him with a look he’s seen Abuela use (hell a look he’s seen Hen use) when trying to get him to talk. “Wanna tell me what happened back there?”
Eddie took a sip of his beer, sighing, before bringing up his thumb and index finger to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I just lost it, Hen.”
“There has to have been a reason,” Hen crossed her arms, leaning forward to prop herself against the table. “Even if you ‘just lost it’ there had to be something to spark that happening.”
Eddie looked at her for a moment before avoiding her gaze as he took another sip of beer. “I mean- he was talking shit about Buck, but I just- I wanted to say something, not hit him, but then he- Hen, he said something about Chris .”
Hen nodded in understanding, letting out a deep exhale through her nose. “What was this ‘something?’”
“He called him…” Eddie trailed off, not even wanting to say the word. “God, Hen I can’t even say it.”
Hen narrowed her eyes for a moment before something understanding flashed across her face. “Ah… I see.”
“Yeah,” Eddie sighed.
“I can see how that would elicit that reaction from you,” Hen told him.
“God, Hen, I’m such an idiot,” Eddie buried his face in his hands, wincing slightly at the pang of discomfort shooting up his right knuckles.
“Well, I won’t disagree with you there…” Eddie cast her a harrowed look as she flashed a faint smile at him, “but if I’m being honest, he kind of deserves it.”
Eddie lifted his head completely out of his hands, frowning at that. “What do you mean?”
Hen sighed, leaning back in her chair before looking up at him with a small smile on her face. “I think I might need that beer now.”
“What the fuck happened?” Buck asked as soon as the doctor had left him and Tommy alone in the cramped emergency room pod, Buck sitting next to the exam bed where Tommy was currently laid- pressing an ice pack to his bleeding nose.
“It’s like Sal said,” Tommy told him, his voice nasally from the fracture and bleeding. “Me and him were just talking, and Eddie just came up out of nowhere and laid it on me.”
“Eddie wouldn’t have done this out of nowhere,” Buck muttered. “He had to have heard something you said-”
“You’re really blaming me for your best friend socking me in the nose?” Tommy asked, affronted.
“ No , that’s not-” Buck let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m just saying that Eddie had to have had a reason. He wouldn’t have done something like that out of the blue.”
“Well, not to be blunt,” Tommy murmured, “but he doesn’t have the cleanest track record when it comes to violence.”
Buck looked down at Tommy narrowed winced eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Wasn’t he in a fight club once?” Tommy shrugged. “Few years ago?”
“H- How did you hear about that?” Buck’s brows furrowed.
“Heard about someone from the 118 getting in some mess at a fight ring a few years back,” Tommy told him. “Figured it had to have been someone I hadn’t met, and- no offense, Evan, but you’re not really the rough ‘em up type…”
“So you just assumed it was Eddie?” Buck asked, a surge of annoyance coursing through him- unsure of why he was getting agitated.
“Am I wrong?” Tommy asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Buck turned away from him for a second, leaning back in his seat as a sigh escaped him. He knew that there was something up here- Eddie wouldn’t have just hauled off and punched Tommy out of nowhere…
They were friends! Right? They had hung out loads before Buck and Tommy started dating… in fact it was the reason Tommy even kissed Buck for the first time- because he had been so caught up not having Ed- Tommy’s attention.
Buck hadn’t even noticed that Eddie hadn’t actually spent much time with Tommy after that. At least, none while Buck wasn’t around- and most of those instances were group functions.
Did Eddie not like Tommy? That didn’t make sense- they had been good friends; Eddie talking about how they ‘instantly clicked.’
“Besides,” Tommy’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “Wasn’t he going through some shit at the time? Maybe this whole thing with Christopher is making him fall back on old habits.”
“No,” Buck shook his head. “No- he wouldn’t. He’s moved past that.”
“Well, I’m all out of other options for why your best friend decided to use my face as his human punching bag,” Tommy muttered.
Buck ignored the sarcasm from his boyfriend as he racked his brain for reasons why Eddie would hit Tommy. Every time he tried to come up with something, his brain always went back to the same conclusion.
“Are you sure you didn’t say anything?” Buck asked.
“I’m sure, Evan,” Tommy snapped. “Sal and I were just talking about the Olympics. Y’know I would hope as my boyfriend you’d think better of me than to say something that would offend your best friend.”
Buck didn’t have the chance to say anything before the doctor came back in to take Tommy down to get an X-Ray done on his nose. He ruminated on Tommy’s words. If Tommy and Sal were really just talking about sports- could it be Eddie had just punched his boyfriend out of nowhere?
Buck’s head started to spin- wondering if his best friend was regressing into older patterns of behavior- worried that Chris leaving might have snapped something in Eddie.
“Holy shit,” Eddie muttered when Hen had finished giving him an in-depth backstory of her time at the 118, involving a certain helicopter pilot and his mistreatment of Hen and Chimney.
Hen simply hummed in reply, sipping her own beer. Eddie felt his stomach turning, remembering the week in which he and Tommy had grown close- the thought of Hen and Chimney both sitting on this deep-cutting history with this guy that Eddie had thought was just a cool dude.
“Why did you not tell me when he and I got close?” Eddie asked, looking at her. “Hell- why haven’t you told Buck?”
Hen let out a sigh, shifting her weight in her seat. “I guess- I was just glad that you finally had another friend outside of the 118. Someone to spend your time with… and honestly as long as he stayed away from me, then I didn’t really care who was around him. Then Buck…. That’s a whole different situation.”
Eddie waited for her to continue as she took a sip of her drink.
“Buck’s just discovered a new part of himself,” Hen told Eddie. “Very few people get it right with their first queer relationship- unless they’re actively being harmed, it’s usually best to let the relationship run its course and let them learn a lesson. I guess I don’t want him to look back on his first queer relationship and think I am partially to blame for why it didn’t work out.”
“But that wouldn’t be on you,” Eddie replied. “It would ultimately be his decision.”
Hen nodded absentmindedly. “Karen wants us to tell Buck. She wanted to say something from the very beginning- even before we knew for sure something was going on with that kiss at Maddie and Chim’s wedding, but I… I was adamant about letting Buck learn on his own… now, though, I’m not so sure that wasn’t a mistake.”
They both sat in a heavy silence for a few moments, sipping on their beers. Eddie’s mind was racing with how things suddenly all began to fall into place.
Tommy’s hesitancy to ever hang out with the rest of the 118. His dismissiveness towards Buck. The way he almost talks down to Hen and Chimney. The guy is the same as he’s always been- and Eddie felt sick that he hadn’t noticed it before.
“Jesus Christ,” Eddie muttered, “Maldito polla.”
Hen huffed out a laugh. “I may not know Spanish, but I think I have a pretty good idea what that means.”
“He’s a goddamn asshole,” Eddie snorted. “I mean- I don’t know why else I haven’t seen it before. Jesus Christ, Hen, he made yours and Chim’s lives hell.”
“Sometimes you don’t see the truth about things until they’re pointed out to you,” Hen shrugged. “It’s not our fault- there’s only so much of the picture we can see on our own, and unless someone shows the rest of it… we’re stuck thinking what we see is all there is.”
Eddie nodded, a strange twisting feeling in his chest as he pondered her words. He let out a dejected sigh, leaning back in his seat to take a swig of his beer.
“God,” Eddie shook his head. “Well, maybe this will be the turn of events to make Buck see that he deserves better than Tommy.”
“Maybe it will,” Hen said, a small smile on her face as she eyed him. He furrowed his brows, frowning slightly.
“What’s that look for?” he asked.
“Nothing,” Hen told him, with a light shake of her head. “I think I need to head out now, Eddie. You gonna be okay by yourself? I can get both of us an Uber and you can crash with me and Karen tonight.”
“No,” Eddie shook his head. “Thanks, Hen, but I- I think I just need to be alone for a little bit.”
“I understand,” Hen smiled, reaching forward and grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “But just know that if you ever need anything , Karen and I are there immediately- 100%.”
“Thanks, Hen,” Eddie smiled back at her as she stood and made her way out of the kitchen.
Eddie listened as the door shut behind her, finishing the last bit of his beer before letting out a long sigh. He let his head tip back as he thought about everything they had just talked about.
He hoped this would open Buck’s eyes.
Hen shut the door behind her carefully- not wanting to wake up Denny or Mara. Karen looked up at her from where she sat on the sofa reading a book.
“How’s he doing?” she asked, placing a bookmark in the book and setting it on the end table next to her.
“His hand’s gonna be sore for a while, but I think he’s fine,” Hen sighed. “I told him about Tommy.”
“About time,” Karen huffed. “I know you didn’t want to butt-into that friendship, and I respect your reasons, but I’m glad that Eddie can see what an asshole that guy is.”
“I know,” Hen laughed softly, slowly sitting herself down on the couch and wrapping her arms around her wife. “You were right- as usual.”
She pressed a kiss to Karen’s cheek who returned a wide grin before nuzzling their noses together. “As usual.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Hen sighed.
“I don’t either, honestly,” Karen giggled, shifting herself to lay back in Hen’s arms. “In all seriousness though, I hope this is enough for both of them to see what’s right in front of their noses.”
“That may be wishful thinking,” Hen snorted. “But it should at least get rid of the unnecessary third party.”
“The unnecessary parasite, you mean,” Karen muttered. “‘Look at me- I’m cool Mr. White Guy with my medal, and my helicopter, and I’m such a saint because I’m letting my boyfriend control the pace of our relationship while simultaneously making him do all the work for my get-together.’”
Hen laughed at her wife’s exaggerated pitched-down mocking voice. “That was wack as fuck that Buck was playing hostess at Tommy ’s party, wasn’t it?”
“Because he probably just wants Buck to be his little housewife,” Karen replied, resting her head back on Hen’s chest. “I mean he may be gay, but he has a 1950s mindset about everything else so why wouldn’t he just be looking for a malewife?”
“Poor Buck is too far in the deep end to even reject it too,” Hen sighed.
“You need to tell Buck,” Karen told her. “He’s only going to be upset when the truth eventually comes out and he knew you kept it from him. He needs to know now while they’re still not serious.”
“I know,” Hen sighed again, resting her chin on Karen’s head. “I know… I’m gonna tell him next shift, I promise, I just- I hope he listens and doesn’t refuse to ditch the rose-tinted glasses like he did with Taylor.”
“Ugh,” Karen groaned. “We need to put a ban on any and all people with the initials ‘TK’ from ever being mentioned in this house.”
“Hey, TK Strand is cool,” Hen chuckled.
“Who?” Karen frowned.
“One of the guys we met down in Texas a few years ago,” Hen clarified. “He sent us pictures from his and his husband’s honeymoon.”
“Oh yeah,” Karen hummed. “I guess he can be the exception. But all other TK’s are banned from mentioning by name in this house.”
“You won’t find any argument from me,” Hen smiled, planting a kiss into Karen’s hair.
Buck shut the door to the loft behind him, feeling sore. When the doctor determined that Tommy had a minor concussion as well as a broken nose, Buck had agreed to stay with him for the next 12 hours since he wasn’t on shift the next day. A night of what Buck had assumed would be Tommy laying down to get some rest and Buck having a little bit of alone time to read his new book swiftly turned into a night of rough animalistic sex that left Buck feeling more like he had been run over by a truck than satisfied.
Not to say that he didn’t enjoy sex with Tommy… Buck loved sex, there was no doubt about that and Tommy was an adequate partner; but sometimes Tommy would get very possessive.
Now Buck is no stranger to rough kinky sex. Buck 1.0 got into some pretty crazy shit that would make most people blush- but Tommy’s idea of rough always sat a little too far on the side of painful for Buck’s taste.
He had tried to talk to Tommy about it once- explaining that sometimes it hurt, but Tommy had just waved him off (‘It’s gay sex, Evan- a dick is going up your ass. It’s gonna hurt a little bit’) and shut him up by making out with him before fucking him over the kitchen counter.
Last night though had been one of those nights of Tommy’s idea of rough. Initially, Buck tried to turn him down- expressing how Tommy shouldn’t overexert himself with a broken nose and a minor concussion. That objection had ended- yet again- with Tommy making out with Buck to shut him up.
Tommy had then fucked him on the couch, getting himself off and then rolling off to go get some water and take his pain meds, leaving Buck alone, sore, and standing at a semi due to the less-than-pleasurable experience.
Even before Buck left that next afternoon, Tommy had pinned him against the door of his house, kissing him deeply before pushing him to his knees and making Buck suck him off.
Again; Buck would like to reiterate- he does enjoy sex with his boyfriend when his boyfriend is actually considerate- unfortunately that just isn’t as often as Buck would like.
But that’s a relationship right? You give and take? Don’t be greedy and ask too much? That was something Buck was used to- being too much, and he didn’t want to be that again. Not when he really liked what he had with Tommy.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of someone clearing their throat from behind him. He jumped, letting out a shocked gasp as he spun around to see Maddie sitting on the leather chair in his living room with her arms crossed.
“Jesus, Maddie-” Buck hissed, grabbing his chest as his heart felt like it was about to burst out, now beating twice the normal rate. “You couldn’t have warned me you were gonna be here rather than give me a heart attack?”
“I did,” Maddie deadpanned. “Not my fault you don’t check your texts.”
Buck frowned, pulling his phone out of his pocket and- dead.
“Oh,” he muttered. “I guess I forgot to charge it last night…”
Maddie hummed as she stood, making her way across the loft to him, casting one backwards glance at the blank space in the living room. “You really need to get a couch… it’s been what, over a year?”
“I was gonna go shopping for one when Natalia and I were dating, but then…” Buck began.
“Then you realized she was only dating you so she had a cool story about her boyfriend to tell all her death doula friends?” Maddie raised one eyebrow with a smirk.
“You’re never going to let me live that one down are you?” Buck groaned.
“You’re the one who thought her weird obsession with your near-death experience was normal,” Maddie pointed out. “Not me.”
Buck stared at her for a second, knowing she was right, but bitter about it. “What are you doing here, Maddie?”
“I just wanted to see how you were doing after last night,” She said.
“A little sore, but other than that,” Buck rolled his eyes, walking to the fridge to grab a beer.
“Why are you a little sore?” Maddie frowned.
Buck looked at her, hoping his silence would either answer her question or spur her to change the subject.
“Evan, did you sleep with him last night ?” she asked, a frustrated grimace on her face.
“Hey, I didn’t initiate it,” Buck held his hands up.
“But you didn’t stop it…” she said.
“I told him it was a bad idea,” Buck told her, “but then he started kissing me and telling me to be a good boy-”
“I don’t need to know that,” Maddie shuddered.
“-and told me to be quiet,” Buck finished. “Even covered my mouth to keep me from talking.”
Maddie eyed him carefully for a moment, her expression slowly slipping from annoyed to scrutinizing to an almost nervous glare. “Evan, did he-”
Buck looked at her for a moment, cocking his head to the side before it hit him what she was trying to ask. “ Oh my god ! No! I promise you, Maddie, everything was completely consensual.”
“But you said you tried to tell him ’no‘ and he told you to be quiet,” Maddie pointed out.
And… yeah she had a point, but he could have stopped it if he really wanted to.
“I promise you, Maddie, it’s not like that,” he told her, before adding on without thinking. “He’s not Doug.”
He watched as Maddie flinched at the name, guilt immediately setting in his chest.
“Maddie, I didn’t mean-” Buck started.
“No, it’s- it’s okay, I know what you’re saying,” Maddie sighed. “I just- You understand why I worry about you, right?”
Buck let out a soft exhale before giving her a small smile. “I do, Mads. I promise.”
Maddie watched him carefully again for a moment before sighing. “Okay. I trust you… but you still didn’t answer what my question was actually about. How are you after what happened?”
“My boyfriend was the one who got punched, Maddie,” Buck chuckled. “I don’t think I’m the one you should be concerned about here.”
“Buck, not to be rude, but I honestly don’t give a shit about Tommy,” She admitted. “I’m worried about you right now because- yeah, your boyfriend got punched, but he got punched by your best friend. That has to be hard to process.”
And- yeah, Buck wasn’t expecting that first part, but at least Maddie is being open and honest with him. As far as the second part…
“I’m having a really hard time understanding it all, Maddie,” Buck sighed, leaning over and using his elbows to prop himself on the kitchen island. “Tommy swears that he and Sal were just talking about the Olympics; he has no idea why Eddie would do that and neither do I.”
At Maddie’s silence, Buck looked up at her to see her standing still, biting the inside of her lip.
“What?” he asked.
Maddie opened her mouth, hesitating for a moment as if trying to find the right words, “Evan, I know that Tommy is your boyfriend and you want to trust him… but Eddie has been your best friend for over six years now. Do you really think that he would just- haul off and punch someone for no reason? Especially someone he knows you’re close with? Someone he’s close with… weren’t they friends?”
“They haven’t really hung out a lot since Tommy and I started dating,” Buck shrugged.
Maddie stared at him for a moment, silent words behind her eyes that Buck couldn’t quite decipher as he noticed her close her eyes to hide what he could only assume was an exasperated eye-roll. “Even still- You’ve only known Tommy for a couple months… you’ve known Eddie for six years.”
“Tommy made a good point that Eddie’s resorted to physical violence as a way to blow off steam before,” Buck told her; the thought that Eddie might be so distraught over Chris being gone that he feels the need to cause pain making Buck feel a little sick.
“Wasn’t that before Eddie went to Therapy?” Maddie asked.
“W- well, yeah, but-” Buck stammered. “He hasn’t been since he left the 118 for dispatch a couple years ago. And he’s in a really dark place with this whole Chris situation… I don’t want it to be true, but- it could be.”
Maddie eyed him carefully for a moment before softly saying, “Don’t you think he deserves to talk to you before you go making assumptions? Especially if you spoke to Tommy before making assumptions?”
“Tommy’s my-” Buck started.
“Evan, I love you, but if you say Tommy’s your boyfriend one more time, I might scream,” Maddie cut him off. “I know Tommy’s your boyfriend, and that he’s important to you- but Eddie is also important to you, and has been far longer. When me and Chimney first started dating, do you think I would have put his opinion over yours? Or would I have heard both sides before making assumptions?”
Buck stayed silent. He knew Maddie was right. The whole situation was just driving him up a wall, and he didn’t know where to land.
“I have to go pick up Jee from daycare, but-” Maddie sighed, crossing around the island to gently grab Buck’s arms. “Please just talk to Eddie… and talk to Hen or Chimney too. I think they might be able to fill in some pieces you don’t have.”
“What do you mean?” Buck’s brows furrowed.
“Just-” Maddie said, “Don’t judge the whole picture before you’ve gathered all the details.”
Buck frowned, wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean when Maddie gave his arms a gentle squeeze.
“I love you, Evan,” Maddie smiled at him. “And I know this is hard on you, but- you need to talk to Eddie. Promise me you will.”
“I promise,” Buck agreed, nodding his head.
Maddie smiled one more time before turning and making her way to the door. “I’ll see you sometime this week- maybe we can get lunch and Jee can get some Uncle Buck time?”
“I’d love that,” Buck smiled back at her. “Love you, Mads.”
“I love you too,” she replied, opening the door- turning back right before closing it behind her and pointing at him “ Talk to Eddie.”
And with that, the door was shut, and buck stood alone in the loft- mind racing over everything. He let out a dejected sigh, making his way to the cabinet he keeps his medications in, pulling out the bottle of Tylenol and downing three of them with a small glass of water.
Eddie let out a sigh as he made his way into the firehouse. It was their first shift back since the party at Tommy’s. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Buck since that night- not even a text. He knew they needed to talk- that Buck needed to know what Tommy had said; to know why Eddie did it.
His heart was pounding as he entered the station, finding Hen dressing in the locker room. She smiled softly at him.
“How you holdin’ up?” she asked.
“I’m alive,” Eddie muttered with a small huff of a laugh.
“You need to go ahead and rip the bandaid off,” Hen told him. “Talk to him when you both get a moment on shift today.”
“I know, I- I’m going to it’s just…” his voice trailed off. “I don’t know what.”
Hen shut her locker and approached him, wrapping him in a hug- “You’ll be fine. This is Buck we’re talking about. Even if he is mad at you, which I’m sure he’s not, he won’t stay mad at you for very long, especially not once he hears the truth.”
“You’re right, I just,” Eddie sighed. “You know I’m shit at confrontation.”
“No way, really?” Hen asked, blowing her eyes wide open with an exaggerated gasp, before the two of them started chuckling.
They were pulled out of the moment when a loud thumping noise came from behind them. Turning around, Eddie saw Gerrard standing in the doorway.
“Cut the love parade shit out,” he spat. “I don’t pay you to stand around hugging each other. If I see it again, I’ll write you up for inappropriate physical contact.”
“ You don’t pay us anything, the city of Los Angeles does,” Eddie muttered, low enough for only Hen to hear.
“You say something, Diaz?” Gerrard snapped.
“No, sir,” Eddie replied, feeling like he was eight years old again getting reprimanded by his father.
His father who was currently housing his son- his son who didn’t want to be near Eddie.
“Hurry up and get dressed,” Gerrard commanded, “I want you two ready for inspection in 5 minutes.”
“Yes, captain,” Hen sighed, not bothering to hide her annoyed tone as the decrepit man exited the room. “God sometimes I wish that man’s age would just catch up to him.”
Eddie laughed with her as he quickly changed into his uniform.
A few minutes later- making it just in time for morning ‘inspection’ which primarily consisted of Gerrard making shallow digs at each of their physical ‘imperfections’- Eddie was stood next to Hen and Ravi while Buck, Chimney, and Bobby- who had rejoined the 118 as a firefighter- stood across from them.
Eddie tried to make eye contact with Buck, but failed to do so as Buck remained standing tall, eyes forward. After ‘inspection’, Eddie tried to catch Buck to talk when the alarm rang.
Gerrard liked a silent engine on the way to calls, claiming it helps them prepare themselves, so Eddie had no opportunity to try and talk to Buck there. It wasn’t until they were packing up at the end of the call- a student driver having accidentally backed into a fire hydrant- when Eddie was finally able to catch Buck alone.
“Hey, we need to talk,” Eddie said, in lieu of a greeting.
Buck cast him a sideways glance before focusing on packing up his gear. “What is there to talk about?”
“Well, I kinda punched your boyfriend in the face the other night,” Eddie let out a soft nervous laugh, trying to cut the tension. “And I wanted to tell you what he said to make me do that.”
“Oh he already told me what he said,” Buck huffed. “What else is there to talk about?”
“H- He told you?” Eddie’s brows furrowed, wondering why Buck was upset with him over Tommy calling his kid a slur, Buck slamming the door to one of the engine’s side compartments shut.
“Look, Eddie, I know you’re having a hard time with Chris right now,” Buck seethed, “but taking it out on Tommy isn’t okay. Especially when he didn’t do anything to deserve it.”
“Didn’t do anything?” Eddie frowned.
“Yeah,” Buck rolled his eyes. “He told me that he and Sal were just talking about sports- that you came up out of nowhere and punched him. I’ve gotta say, Eddie, I thought you almost killing a guy would be enough to cut you out of this violent streak, but I guess not.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Eddie asked, frustrated confusion beginning to surge through him.
“Just that if you wanna punch someone, join another fight club,” Buck spat. “Don’t use my boyfriend as your personal punching bag. You’re not the only one who misses Chris here, but you don’t see me assaulting people over it.”
“You don’t fucking know what you’re talking about,” Eddie shot back.
“Oh, no?” Buck scoffed. “Well, I guess we don’t have anything to talk about then. But don’t expect me to come crawling over to coddle you when you’re feeling bad about missing your son again. I’m not trying to get punched here.”
“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my son again,” Eddie growled, fighting the urge to pin Buck against the truck. How the fuck could Buck be defending Tommy in this situation? How could he be so thoughtless about Chris? “You don’t get to fucking do that.”
“Buckley! Diaz!” Gerrard’s enraged voice carried across the street. “On the truck. Now .”
Buck said nothing as he spun around and stormed off to climb into the cab. Eddie watched for a moment before Hen walked up to him, glancing from where Buck had climbed into the truck to Eddie with a frown on her face.
“What the hell was that?” she asked.
“Buckley siding with his ‘innocent boyfriend’,” Eddie snapped. “Because apparently I’m just some violent asshole in this situation.”
He pushed past Hen, climbing into the truck where Bobby, Chimney and Buck already sat- Chimney casting a wide-eyed glance back and forth between Buck and Eddie. Hen climbed in behind Eddie, followed by Ravi. The tension in the truck could be cut with a knife as Gerrard climbed into the captain’s seat before turning to look at the cab.
“Buckley and Diaz, the two of you are suspended until further notice,” he spat. “I want both of you out of your turnouts and off the station property ASAP.”
“Yes, Captain,” Buck muttered as Eddie nodded in agreement.
When they returned to the station, Eddie threw off his turnout, haphazardly shucking it into his turnout locker before storming into the locker room. He didn’t even bother to change out of his uniform into his civvies, simply grabbing his bag and rushing out of the firehouse to his truck.
“You wanna tell me what the hell happened back there, Buck?” Chimney stood in the locker room doorway, arms crossed; a frown pulling the corners of his mouth down in an aggravated glare.
“He had it coming,” Buck muttered, pulling his civvies out of his duffel bag.
“Did he?” Chimney asked. “I don’t think this is what Maddie meant by telling you to talk to him.”
“Oh, because Maddie is the all-knowing wise one who knows what’s going on here,” Buck snapped.
“She seems to think there’s more to the story than either of you are letting on,” Chimney continued. “And honestly so do I. Hen said she got Eddie’s side of things, but that she doesn't want to betray his trust by telling me.”
“Since when have you two not wanted to engage in gossip?” Buck huffed out a laugh.
“Since this is a matter of you and Eddie being emotionally constipated idiots who would much rather do whatever the fuck that was on a call than actually be mature adults who talk about their feelings,” Chimney told him matter-of-factly.
“Fine,” Buck slammed his locker door shut. “You wanna know what happened? Eddie misses Chris, and is working out his frustration by being violent. Just like the fight club after Shannon died. Only this time he’s taking it out on my boyfriend for no apparent reason, and I’m not going to let that happen.”
“You really believe Eddie- your best friend you’ve known for six years- did this out of nowhere?” Chimney asked, giving Buck an incredulous look.
“Tommy told me he and Sal were talking about sports and Eddie just came up and punched him,” Buck told him.
“And did you even ask Eddie for his side of the story?” Chimney asked.
“W- well, I-” Buck stammered.
“And didn’t you also promise your sister that you would get Eddie’s side of the story?” Chimney asked.
“What are you- Maddie’s little henchman, doing her bidding by bombarding me with this?” Buck asked.
“No, your sister and I both just think alike which is why we both think Eddie deserves the benefit of the doubt here,” Chimney shot back. “We also care and worry about you, and don’t want to see you ruining one of the strongest relationships you’ve ever had by not getting all the facts.”
“I don’t know if I would call me and Tommy’s relationship the strongest I’ve had,” Buck muttered.
“Okay, first of all, I wasn’t talking about Tommy,” Chimney said, “And second, that right there should be proof enough that taking Tommy’s side as gospel truth without at least hearing Eddie- your best friend - out first is probably not the best idea.”
Buck pressed his forehead against the cold metal of the locker door, letting out a long, deep breath. Chimney watched him for a second before approaching him and grabbing him on the shoulder- guiding him down to sit on the bench with him.
“Buck, you’re not your usual self this morning, and I don’t think it’s because you’re mad at Eddie,” Chimney said, softly. “I know you, and I know this attitude from you isn’t normal and- and I’m worried about you. You’re my little brother, Buck, and I need to know you’re okay just as much as Maddie does, and getting suspended for getting into a screaming match with your best friend is not a sign that you’re okay.”
Buck was silent for a moment, taking in a deep, shaky inhale, before letting it back out.
“Tommy and I had sex again this morning,” Buck said, out of nowhere.
“O-kay…” Chimney said, drawing out the second syllable. “Didn’t really need to know that , but wouldn’t that help keep you in the opposite mood?”
“No, I-” Buck sighed. “We just- Tommy has this tendency to avoid talking by shutting me up with sex.”
Chimney watched him for a moment. “I’m still not following- not to bring up Buck 1.0, but the Buck I know has always been a big fan of sex.”
“Yeah, well the Buck you know is usually with someone who keeps him satisfied too,” Buck mumbled.
“You mean, Tommy doesn’t…” Chimney’s voice trailed off- Jesus, this was more than he ever wanted to know about Buck’s (hell about Tommy Kinard’s ) sex life.
“Let’s just say he tends to be a very selfish lover,” Buck admitted. “And adding that on top of him only using sex as a way to shut me up… or after picking a fight…”
Chimney watches Buck carefully for a moment before opening his mouth to speak again. He can’t say he’s shocked that Tommy Kinard would be an asshole, even in bed, but he doesn’t think that bluntness is what Buck needs right now.
“Buck-” he said, carefully, “You have to know that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship…”
“I know,” Buck said softly, his voice barely audible.
“You deserve more than that, Buck,” Chimney told him. “You deserve someone who listens to you and gives you what you need from a relationship… someone who doesn’t pick fights with you as some sort of weird power play to get you in bed.”
They sat quietly for a few more moments before Chimney continued. “It also doesn’t excuse you taking it out on your best friend either…”
Buck dropped his face into his hands letting out a groan.
“God, I fucked up Chimney,” his voice sounded wet, as if he had started crying. “I said- God, I said so much awful shit to him that I didn’t even mean, I was just- I was so upset about this morning with Tommy, and this whole situation has had me just so- confused that I don’t even know… God, he probably hates me now.”
“Eddie Diaz may hate a lot of things, but one thing he could never hate is you,” Chimney rubbed his hand on Buck’s back. “He may be hurt and upset with you right now… but he’s hurt and upset because of how much he cares for you.”
“I don’t know if I can talk to him after this,” Buck said, lifting his head up, tears streaking down his face.
“You can,” Chimney assured him. “You just need to give him some time first… who you really need to talk to right now is-”
“Tommy,” Buck sighed. “I’ve already talked to him time and time again about the sex thing, but he never wants to listen.”
“Buck, I shouldn’t have to tell you that that isn’t-” Chimney began carefully.
“Buckley, what the hell are you still doing here?” Gerrard’s voice boomed from behind them. “I gave you a goddamn order and I expect you to follow that order. Suspended until further notice, so get the hell out of here.”
Buck didn’t even reply, just stood and made his way to leave the locker room.
“And wipe those damn tears off your face,” Gerrard spat. “I know you’re a sissy, but you don’t normally act like one. Don’t start it now just because I’ve hurt your poor sensitive feelings.”
Chimney watched as Buck stopped in his tracks, his fist clenching at his side, and for a moment, Chimney thought he might turn around and punch Gerrard square in the face, but that didn’t happen. Buck simply continued to walk out of the firehouse, Chimney standing in the locker room still.
Gerrard turned towards him, glancing him up and down before speaking, “Go clean the toilets, Han. If they’re clean enough before lunch then I might consider not writing you up for sitting around on the job.”
With that, Gerrard turned and left. Chimney, now standing alone in the empty locker room, took in a deep breath before letting it all out in an exasperated sigh.
Eddie, once again, found himself lying face-down on his couch as he regretted every single one of his life choices- imagining how much better life would have been for everyone around him if had just never been born. It was something he thought about more and more in these past weeks with how much he just seemed to be disappointing people left and right. At least then he had the 118 to fall back on, but now he had disappointed all of them too.
Now he had no one.
He couldn’t call Maddie because she was too close to Buck; Linda could only do so much after moving upstate; he was absolutely not going to call Josh….
His list of people to turn to in a moment of crisis had dwindled down so much in the past few months of Eddie’s life as he continuously disappointed each and every person around him over and over again.
Even Pepa was keeping her distance. She had brought over some food, asked him how he was, and they had exchanged a few short texts as they normally did, but that was it. He could tell even she was disappointed in him- that she thought Eddie losing Chris to his parents was for the best; even if she wouldn’t say it out loud.
He was dragged from his thoughts by the sound of a knock on the door. He froze, wondering who it could be. Had Buck followed him here? Eddie didn’t know if he could have that conversation right now. It was one thing to feel both anger and resentment towards your best friend at the same time- anger for having lashed out on Buck, resentment for Buck seemingly having no reaction to Tommy saying what he did about Christopher.
He was pulled from those thoughts by whoever it was on his doorstep knocking on the door again. He climbed off the couch, making his way over to the door and cautiously pulling it open to see none other than Carla Price standing outside.
“Carla?” He asked, completely shocked to see her.
“Well, don’t just stand there,” she huffed, a wide grin on her face. “You made me wait out here and you’re just gonna stare at me with no hug? I thought being gone for a whole 4 months would mean you missed me a little more than that .”
Eddie immediately pulled her into a hug, the woman giving him small pats on his shoulders as she let out a small chuckle.
“It’s good to see you again, Eddie,” she told him.
“When did you get back?” Eddie asked. “I thought you wouldn’t be back for another month at least.”
“Things with Mama’s estate went a lot smoother than we anticipated so I’m back early,” she told him, stepping into the house as Eddie moved to the side.
“Well it’s great to see you,” Eddie smiled, shutting the door.
“I would have reached out sooner, but things have been a little chaotic,” she said. “Thankfully the settlement went over without a hitch so that was a nice end to a turbulent process. Mama was a very classy woman, but it made having to sift through all her assets to split them among our extended family a nightmare- but, I’m back and I am ready to help you.”
Eddie’s smile dropped from his face as a rush of emotion burst through his chest. “Oh- um… well, I don’t guess you would have heard that-”
“That Christopher saw you hugging a woman who looked like his dead mother?” Carla stated, arching an eyebrow at him.
“How did you-” Eddie asked, baffled.
“Unlike you, apparently, Christopher actually knows how to send a text to check in with someone,” Carla teased softly. “He told me where he was and what happened. Lucky for you, I think that Texas is the worst place that boy could be right now, so I am willing to do what I can to help you get him back.”
She sat down on the couch, propping her purse up against a leg of the coffee table as Eddie still stood by the door.
“Isn’t it though?” he asked, his voice coming out distraught. “I mean, I hurt him- shouldn’t he be somewhere he feels like he can trust the people who care for him?”
“And you really think that’s your parents?” Carla gave him an unimpressed look.
“He’s the one who called them,” Eddie pointed out.
“He’s also thirteen,” Carla replied. “Did it ever cross your mind that part of this was an act of teenage rebellion? Trying to run away and hurt you because you hurt him?”
Eddie balked at the idea of Christopher willingly hurting him, but before he could say anything Carla continued.
“I’m not saying Christopher is in the wrong here,” Carla clarified, holding up a placating hand as if she could tell Eddie was about to say something. “I think he had every right to place a boundary, and you were not wrong to respect that boundary. However, I know how thirteen-year-old boys can be, and how sometimes they don’t quite think through their actions before trying to ‘stick-it’ to their parents when they’re upset. They get hurt, and their first response is to hurt you right back. It’s not the right way to handle things, but he has to learn that- and I think he has.”
“I don’t want to disrespect his boundaries by pushing,” Eddie told her. “That would only make things worse.”
“Which is why you’re not going to push,” Carla told him. “But you’re still his father, and you have the right to a certain level of authority over him- regardless of if he’s under this roof or not. He needs to understand that you still love him, and want him to be safe and happy while simultaneously showing him that you won’t make choices for him.”
“I told him when he left that he could come back whenever he wanted,” Eddie sighed, sitting in the small leather chair across from the couch. “I said I would drop everything and pick him up immediately.”
“Have you reminded him of that?” Carla cocked her head, maintaining eye contact.
“I-” Eddie started, “I- I didn’t want him to feel like I was pressuring him to come back.”
“It wouldn’t have been pressuring him, Eddie,” Carla said softly. “It’s reminding him that you would drop everything at the drop of a hat to be there for him- regardless of if you’re hurting or not. That you’ll always be there for him. That’s what he needs right now.”
Eddie felt a whole flood of regret and sadness rushing over him in that moment. He dropped his head into his hands, letting out a shaky breath. “But what if I’m not good enough Carla? What if- what if this is what my parents were talking about… that being here is just dragging him down?”
He didn’t give Carla the chance to reply before he looked back up at her and continued.
“I punched Buck’s boyfriend last week, Carla,” he told her. “In front of everyone because he said something about Chris. I let my anger get a hold of me and I broke a man’s nose. I got suspended from work because me and Buck got in a screaming match over it on a call today. Christopher doesn’t need to be around someone like that.”
Carla stared at him for a moment. “I’m sorry- did you just say Buck’s boyfriend ?”
Realization flooded Eddie that Carla had indeed been gone since February, and had missed that whole update in Buck’s life.
“Yeah, he- he realized that he’s bi; he’s been dating Tommy Kinard from LAFD Air Operations since about the end of April,” Eddie told her. Technically they had first kissed towards the beginning of the month, but Eddie didn’t count the two weeks of them planning a date and then not talking because Tommy decided to ditch Buck on a curb as part of their relationship.
“And that boyfriend isn’t… you?” Carla asked, almost cautiously.
“Wha- No, obviously I’m not Buck’s boyfriend, Carla,” Eddie sputtered. “I just got out of a relationship with a woman because I emotionally cheated on her.”
“With your dead ex-wife,” Carla said.
“With a woman who looked like my dead ex-wife,” Eddie told her.
“Eddie,” she sighed, turning to face him and grabbing his hand. “I want you to be honest with me… this woman who looked like Shannon- did you have any romantic feelings for her?”
“I took her out on dates,” Eddie replied.
“You took Ana Flores on dates too,” Carla pointed out. “Going out on dates doesn’t mean you are attracted to that person romantically.”
“She looked like my dead wife,” Eddie argued.
“Your dead wife who you were not happily married to by any means,” Carla said.
“That wasn’t Shannon’s fault,” Eddie told her.
“That’s… debatable,” Carla said, carefully, “but that also isn’t what I said. You yourself told me that you only married Shannon because of Chris. So again, I’m asking you, other than her resemblance to Shannon, what about this woman drew you to her?”
Eddie opened his mouth, unable to say anything.
“And when it comes to Shannon,” Carla said. “Did you really love her romantically- or did you, like with Ana, try to convince yourself you could love her because you wanted things to work for Chris to have a stable home.”
Eddie felt like he was being laid out on a cutting board, being flayed open with a carving knife. Carla was touching on things that Eddie hadn’t even admitted to himself- things he had definitely thought about before, but had never allowed himself to put any stock in them.
“And while we’re on that trail,” Carla continued. “Did you feel any of that for Marisol either?”
Eddie stared at her, feeling his heart pumping as he realized just how right Carla was about all of this- he felt like his lungs were constricting at the thought of what that insinuated.
“While you were still dating Ana,” Carla said, softly, “Do you remember what I told you?”
“I should follow my own heart,” Eddie replied.
Carla nodded with a small smile. “Don’t you think it’s about time you took that advice? Once you do that- I think you’ll find that most of your problems will be solved.”
Eddie felt Carla squeeze his hand as she looked at him. His mind was a spinning vortex of feelings from his past: feeling like there was always something missing in his and Shannon’s marriage- like he could never completely be what she needed; feeling like he was forcing himself to find a replacement mother for Christopher with Ana; feeling like his whole relationship with Marisol had been one big performance- a way to appease those around him who thought he should settle down with a nice girl.
None of that had been what he wanted. As he looked back on those things, he was met with flashes of what he really wanted from a relationship: someone he could trust fully to have his back; someone who loved his son for who he was; someone kind, funny, and caring; someone he could laugh with as well as share quiet moments with.
He closed his eyes as he tried to calm his mind down, only beginning to see flashes of what he longed for. He saw movie nights, car rides, zoo trips. He saw video games, and late night conversations in the kitchen. A flash of blue followed by a tinge of pink. A wide smile that sent warmth shooting through his limbs.
His eyes flew open, tears breaching the brims of his eyelids and running down his cheeks as he turned to Carla. She looked at him, knowingly, as she smiled.
“You get it now?” she asked.
Eddie couldn’t bring himself to speak- simply nodding. Carla let go of his hand, holding her arms out to invite Eddie into a tight hug. Eddie sobbed into her shoulder as she rubbed her hand over his back, comfortingly.
What he had just realized was simultaneously the best yet worst realization he could have had.
He was in love with Evan Buckley.
And right now- Buck hated him.
Hen was not expecting the knock on her door at 9:30 at night. Karen was away on a work trip, while Denny was at a friend’s, and Mara was still staying with Maddie and Chim. Hen was honestly looking forward to the peacefulness and rest that that night was going to bring her.
So, when a light rapping alerted her to someone’s presence at her front door, she let out a small noise of dissatisfaction at her evening being disturbed. She climbed off the couch making her way to the door, pulling it open to see Eddie standing outside, holding a bottle of tequila.
Her eyes dropped down to the bottle, then glanced back up at Eddie’s haggard appearance- eyes red from tears, and a weak smile on his face.
She narrowed her eyes for a second before her brain seemed to kick into gear- her and Eddie’s eyes seeming to have a silent conversation as her heart-rate skyrocketed.
“Karen is gonna be so pissed that this finally happened the one week she’s in Florida,” Hen sighed, stepping to the side to let Eddie in, the man chuckling as he stepped inside.
They made their way to the table, Hen walking into the kitchen to grab a couple glasses for them.
“So,” she said, sitting down next to Eddie who was opening the bottle to begin pouring them their drinks. “I take it this conversation has to do with a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed firefighter you had a massive fight with last shift.”
“I’ve already been informed that I’ve been oblivious to everyone but myself it seems,” Eddie replied, dryly.
“And who informed you of that?” Hen smirked.
“Carla, actually,” Eddie sighed. “She’s back from her mother’s; she and I had an… enlightening conversation.”
“Remind me to send her a gift basket,” Hen joked, taking a sip of her drink, wincing as she set the glass down. “Oh, God , that's like drinking lighter fluid.”
“Sorry, should have warned you,” Eddie chuckled. “Seeing that I’m suspended without pay I had to go for the cheap stuff.”
Hen huffed out a laugh, leaning back in her chair and looking at Eddie for a moment. “So… finally figured it out, huh?”
“That I’m apparently in love with my best friend?” Eddie sighed, taking a small sip of his own drink- good God, that was like drinking lighter fluid. “Don’t think I’d be here with cheap tequila if that weren’t the case.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Hen shrugged. “You’ve got a lot going on- Chris is in Texas, you just got suspended without pay… you’re not on speaking terms with your best friend who you’re in love with…. it could be any number of things bringing you here tonight.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, unable to keep himself from smiling. Even in the midst of his impending mental breakdown, Hen somehow managed to lighten his mood- it was one of the things he loved most about her.
“So,” Hen continued. “You’ve finally realized what has been so painfully obvious to everyone around you for a while now.”
“You don’t need to rub it in…” Eddie muttered.
“Hey,” Hen leaned forward, reaching across the table to take his hand in her own. “I’m really proud of you. I’m also glad that you trust me enough to come to me with this.”
“I’m just so blindsided by it, Hen,” Eddie sighed, running his free hand over his face. “I-It’s not exactly a shock? I mean now that I’ve realized it… it makes sense; like it’s always been there in the back of my mind, but I never let myself acknowledge it until now…”
“And you’re okay with this development?” Hen asked.
Eddie took in a deep breath, letting out slowly through pursed lips. “Honestly… I think if I had this realization a few months ago I wouldn’t have been as receptive of it? But now after everything that’s happened lately… it just- I don’t know, it makes sense.”
“I just know that sometimes for people with your upbringing,” Hen continued, carefully, “It can be hard to come to terms with it.”
“My parents were never outright homophobic,” Eddie shrugged. “I mean- I don’t think they would have been happy to have a son who’s…. whatever I am- I still haven’t quite figured that out yet- but I was never taught that being queer was a bad thing. I just kind of never thought that was something that was an option for me . Until now at least…”
“And do you think they’d be okay with it now?” Hen asked.
Eddie bit the inside of his lip. “I have no idea… to be honest, I don’t think it will make that much of a difference either way- they already think I’ve blown up my life enough, so this new development probably won’t be too jarring to them.”
Hen nodded slowly before taking another sip of her drink- wincing once again at the burn.
“So-” she said, setting the glass back on the table. “If you’re not here to spiral about this newfound sexuality crisis at 34- I take it you’re here to talk about the Buck of it all?”
Eddie let out a shaky sigh, nodding his head slowly. “Yeah.”
“Was this the reason you two fought at that call the other day?” Hen asked. “Just a case of self-sabotage?”
“No, that-” Eddie huffed. “That was actually before I realized my feelings… no, on the call, he- he defended Tommy.”
Hen frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “What do you mean?”
“He said that Tommy didn’t say anything wrong about Christopher,” Eddie told her. “He basically made me out to be the villain.”
Hen stared at him for a moment, dumbfounded.
“He knows what Tommy said, right?” Hen asked.
“He told me that Tommy said he and Sal were talking about sports,” Eddie muttered. “What made it worse was that he brought up the fight club. He said that he missed Christopher too, but that he wasn’t beating up people over it- he also implied that I would hit him too if he kept talking about it.”
“Jesus,” Hen sighed. “That’s what you meant when you said you were the ‘violent asshole’ in the situation.”
“Yeah,” Eddie took a sip of his drink. “I just- I don’t understand why he would believe Tommy over me… I know he and Tommy are together, but- I’m his best friend , Hen. We’ve known each other for six years- He’s known Tommy for what, three months?”
“You know Buck falls hard and fast,” Hen pointed out. “He gets attached quickly and ignores the red flags because he so desperately wants things to work out.”
“I wish he knew he deserved to be truly happy,” Eddie muttered.
“Well, maybe you should tell him how you feel,” Hen replied.
Eddie stared at her blankly for a moment. “What?”
“Maybe you should talk to Buck,” Hen told him. “Fill him in on the information he’s missing… show him what he could have.”
Eddie’s brows furrowed, a slight frown pulling at his lips.
“I don’t-” he stammered. “I- he deserves better than me, Hen.”
“Eddie,” Hen let out an exasperated sigh.
“It’s true!” Eddie groaned. “All I do is fuck things up. I fucked up my marriage and every relationship I’ve had by not being honest with myself- I fucked up my relationship with my son because I was so caught up in this- idea of what he needed rather than actually being a good dad and figuring out what he actually needed. Hell, I fucked up my friendship with the man I love by punching the man he loves. I’m a wreck, Hen. All I do is fuck everything up, and I’m not going to do that to Buck.”
“Have you ever thought that maybe the reason you seem to be messing up is precisely because you aren’t honest with yourself?” Hen asked, quirking an eyebrow.
Eddie sat in silence for a moment, ruminating on her words before she continued. “Look, Eddie… I’m not saying you haven’t made mistakes- God knows we all have- but you can’t let yourself be miserable just because you’re human. And for every mistake you’ve made, you’ve done multitudes of good things. You haven’t fucked up your relationship with Christopher- you made a mistake and he needs time to breathe and process. You didn’t fuck up your relationship with Buck. You made a mistake- no matter how deserved it was on Tommy’s part- and Buck just doesn’t have all the facts; and he won’t have all the facts until you talk to him .”
She paused for a moment before adding. “Also, if you think Buck loves that man, you need to get your eyes checked. He may be wearing rose-tinted glasses right now, but he’s not happy, and deep down he knows it too.”
Eddie let out a long exhale through his nose before looking back up at Hen, the paramedic reaching back across the table to take both of his hands in her own.
“I love you, Eddie Diaz,” Hen told him, smiling. “You are like a brother to me, and I consider myself lucky for that. You are one of my best friends, and I want to see you happy; I hate that you think you aren’t deserving of happiness just because you’ve made mistakes.”
“Some pretty fucked up mistakes…” Eddie muttered.
Hen took a deep breath, before letting it out in a sigh.
“Have I ever told you about Eva?” she asked.
Eddie looked up at her, his brows furrowing slightly. “Your ex? Denny’s birth mother?”
Hen nodded. “Her trying to get Denny’s father to fight for custody wasn’t the first time she’s shown up in our lives after she and I split up.”
Eddie watched her carefully as she continued. “About seven years ago- things weren’t great for me. I was still adjusting to Bobby joining the 118, Buck had just started as a probie, and… well, you’ve heard the stories. Eva asked me to testify at her parole hearing. Karen told me not to, but- Eva did what she does best and manipulated me into doing it anyway.”
Hen sat back in her chair, letting out a long exhale through her nose. “Not long after that, Karen found out and… we hit a bit of a rough patch. During that rough patch, Eva and I…. reconnected.”
Eddie’s eyes were locked onto Hen as her words hit him.
“I cheated on my wife,” Hen told him, “I still haven’t forgiven myself for it if I’m being entirely honest. But at the end of the day, that mistake doesn’t define me as a person. I love my wife. I love my family. And I know I am never going to make the same mistake again.”
Eddie sat in silence as Hen leaned forward again. “Our mistakes don’t define us, Eddie. We make them, and we face the consequences, and then we move on because that’s life. You’re going to make mistakes again- I’ve made plenty since I cheated on Karen… but at the end of the day, I don’t let it determine whether or not I am deserving of happiness.”
She glanced over at the recent family portrait hanging on the wall in the dining room- she and Karen hugging Denny and Mara close the day that they got Mara back.
“I made a mistake as a fire captain,” Hen told him. “A mistake that almost cost me and my wife our daughter. Do you think I don’t deserve to be happy because I made that mistake?”
“Of course not,” Eddie replied.
“Then why do you think you aren’t deserving of happiness?” Hen asked, leveling him with a pointed look.
Eddie let the words wash over him- feeling his eyes brim with tears. “I don’t know how to fix it, Hen.”
“You talk to Buck,” she told him. “And you talk to Christopher. They both love you more than anything in this world, and they want to see you be happy… but they can’t do that if you continue to beat yourself up and shut them out.”
Eddie let out a shaky breath as Hen grabbed his hand again and gave it a squeeze. He let out a wet laugh as tears streamed down his face.
“You ever thought of becoming a therapist, Wilson?” he teased.
“I think I’m past wanting to be any kind of doctor,” Hen chuckled. “And you wouldn’t come to me if I charged for my advice.”
Eddie laughed- some semblance of life returning to his features. Hen watched him carefully- wishing that she could somehow snap her fingers and make everything wrong in this poor man’s life disappear.
Without speaking, Hen stood from her chair before immediately pulling Eddie into a tight hug. She felt him freeze momentarily before melting into the hug, bringing his own arms up to wrap around her.
They didn’t say anything as they stood there- Hen holding her friend in a gesture she suspected he had needed for awhile.
The moment was broken, however, when Eddie’s phone began vibrating from his pocket- the two of them pulling apart so Eddie could reach into his jeans to retrieve it. Hen noticed Chris’s name flashing across the screen, before Eddie looked up at her with wide eyes.
“Go talk to your son,” she smiled at him, giving him an encouraging grasp on the shoulder.
He nodded, quickly standing from his chair and rushing out the front door as he answered the phone, leaving Hen standing alone in the quietness of her empty house. She let out a sigh as she picked up the bottle of tequila- risking one more swig- before cringing at the awful burn before she promptly disposed of the cheap drink.
Once she had cleared away the glasses she and Eddie had used, she made her way to her and Karen’s bedroom where she peeled off her sweats, opting to just wear the ratty t-shirt she had been in that afternoon to sleep. After sending a quick text to Karen, telling her she loved her and hoped her trip was going well, she quickly slipped off into sleep.
Buck’s suspension hadn’t been going much better. It had taken a whole thirty seconds for Tommy to start telling Buck exactly what he thought of the whole situation- something that had Buck instantly regretting sending a text to Tommy telling him what had happened.
“Jesus Christ, Evan,” Tommy muttered, in a tone not dissimilar to that of Margaret Buckley’s when Buck would get injured as a child (Buck tried not to cringe at that lovely little association his brain decided to make). “This is a new level of immaturity, even for you.”
Buck let out a sigh as he stirred the pot of homemade spaghetti sauce that he had been preparing, setting his wooden spoon down on the counter next to the stove.
“I didn’t ask to be suspended, Tommy,” Buck grumbled. “I didn’t ask to get in a fight with my best friend either- so cut me a little slack please.”
“You were asking for it the moment you two decided to start fighting like little girls on the playground while packing up from a call,” Tommy rolled his eyes. “You had the choice to walk away from him and not start something, but you chose to fight anyway. It’s about accountability.”
Buck didn’t say anything- knowing that anything he said would just be turned back around on him; forever the one to be blamed for every small misstep. He had grown used to it in every other facet of his life, why should his love life be any different?
He went back to wordlessly stirring the sauce, fully aware of Tommy standing behind him, waiting for Buck to argue with him. He knew that’s why Tommy was doing this- to pick a fight that would end with Tommy pinning Buck against the wall, kissing him (if the fish-like mouthing could even be called kissing) before they eventually would tumble into bed, Tommy taking what he wanted before leaving Buck to fend for himself.
“Are you seriously going to give me the silent treatment, Evan?” Tommy scoffed. “That’s really mature of you.”
“Tommy,” Buck sighed, bracing his hands on the counter, “I really don’t have the energy to pick a fight right now. I had a long, exhausting day, and I really am not in the mood for sex, which is what this would lead to because you do it all the time. ”
“Oh, so wanting to have sex with my boyfriend is a bad thing?” Tommy crossed his arms.
“I didn’t say that,” Buck closed his eyes to try and keep from lashing out. “I just don’t always want sex every waking moment. We used to go out and do things- now we just stay in and sleep with each other and I just- sometimes I need a break.”
“Are you saying you want us to go on a break?” Tommy huffed.
“ No ,” Buck said, his voice stern. “I’m saying I want to cool it with the excessive sex. I want us to be a couple to go out and have fun . Not just staying holed up in my apartment every time we’re off shift just fucking all over the place.”
“I never hear you complaining,” Tommy huffed out a laugh.
That’s because I don’t complain about it to YOU.
“Tommy,” Buck looked up at his boyfriend, “I’m really not in the mood for anything right now. I don’t want to keep pressing the issue because, frankly, I’m so exhausted physically and emotionally right now that the only reason I’m standing right now is because I just took my Adderall a few hours ago so I won’t be able to sleep until at least nine tonight. I just want to eat dinner, relax on the couch, and watch some shitty movie I don't have to use my brain to pay attention to.”
Tommy stared at him in silence for a few moments- Buck could tell he was put off by the blatant rejection. It kind of baffled Buck how someone so caught up in how ‘immature’ Buck was acting could be getting this agitated because their partner said ‘no’ to sex.
“Well I guess I’ll just let you enjoy your evening,” Tommy said- Buck seeing right through him, picking up on the thinly veiled last attempt at getting Buck to give in.
“Okay,” Buck told him. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I picked up a 24 tomorrow,” Tommy replied. “I won’t see you again ‘til we get drinks with Sal on Friday.”
“Friday it is then,” Buck said before turning around and continuing to stir the spaghetti sauce on the stove.
He waited as Tommy stood there silently for a few moments before the man eventually made it to the door, leaving Buck by himself. Buck almost immediately let out a long, drawn-out sigh before he simply turned the stove off.
Once he put the spaghetti sauce in its own plastic dish in the fridge, he picked up his phone and opened the Doordash app- ordering a thing of hot wings from the wing place down the street from his apartment.
That night, alone, he sat on his couch- the low volume of the newest season of
Bridgerton
playing softly from his tv- and ate his wings with an ice cold beer, trying his damndest not to think about how badly he wished Eddie were here with him.
“Babe, not that I don’t love my brother but I really don’t want to know anything about his sex life,” Maddie grimaced as she sat down next to her husband on the couch.
“I’m serious, Maddie-“ Chimney sighed. “He’s not happy with Tommy. I mean he’s talking about sex like it’s a chore- Buck! The man who stole a firetruck to go have sex in it on the clock!”
“I think he’s come a long way since then, Chimney,” Maddie chuckled, taking a sip of her wine.
“No, I know, but-“ Chimney rubbed his temples with his hands. “I guess I just can’t help but feel like I should have warned him about Tommy… I mean- I guess I never knew it would last this long.”
“Howie, you can’t blame yourself for Buck being in an unfulfilling relationship,” Maddie told him softly. “I know it’s hard to see him so… un-Buck like, but he’s a grown adult. We can’t make these decisions for him, even if sometimes we wanna grab him by the shoulders and shake the information into him.”
“That’s exactly what Hen said,” Chimney muttered, taking a sip of the wine Maddie had poured for him.
“There’s a reason she’s the brains of your friendship,” Maddie teased.
Chimney let out a small laugh as he smiled at her. “Yeah, yeah… y’know between you and your brother, you Buckley’s just love to gang up on me.”
“Sibling solidarity,” Maddie told him. “Although technically, I’m a Han now.”
Chimney couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his face at that.
“Yeah, you are, Mrs. Han ,” he leaned in to press a soft kiss to her lips, Maddie returning the gesture before they leaned back and drank their wine in silence for a few moments.
“Do you think they’ll be okay?” Chimney asked.
“Who?” Maddie furrowed her brows. “Buck and Tommy?”
“No-“ Chimney cringed, “Buck and Eddie.”
Maddie looked at him with a soft expression, an amused glint in her eyes.
“It’s Buck and Eddie,” she mused. “Of course they’ll be okay.”
Chimney smiled at her, letting out a deep breath before going to take another sip of his drink when his phone chimed. Pulling it from the pocket of his jeans, he noticed that it was a message from Hen.
Hen: You owe me $50
“Oh my God…” Chimney’s jaw dropped as he realized what that meant.
“What’s wrong?” Maddie set her drink aside, concern flooding her features.
“Eddie admitted to Hen that he’s in love with Buck…” Chimney said quietly, watching as Maddie’s eyebrows shot up.
“Oh my God ,” she said, setting her wine down on the coffee table, sitting up to get a better look at her husband’s phone.
Chimney’s phone chimed again, both of them looking at the screen to see another text from Hen.
Hen: He gave me permission to tell you on the condition that you and Maddie DO NOT tell Buck.
“He doesn’t want us to tell Buck,” Chimney groaned.
“Well, I feel like this is something he’d want to say himself…” Maddie pointed out.
“No, I know,” Chimney sighed. “It’s just- now I have to keep it a secret.”
“Something tells me you’ll live,” Maddie chuckled, affectionately patting Chimney’s shoulder.
He kept his eyes on his phone, still a bit shocked that he had lost the bet- he had been convinced that Buck would break his resolve first, on the grounds that Eddie is so closed off.
“You know what this means,” Maddie said, pulling Chimney out of his thoughts.
“What?” Chimney looked up at her.
“Eventually Buck is going to find out,” Maddie replied. “And when he finds out that Eddie is a legitimate option…”
“Bye-bye Tommy,” Chimney huffed out a laugh, a small smile pulling at his lips.
Hen walked into the firehouse, rubbing the back of her neck. Mentally she was cursing Eddie Diaz and his paint-thinning tequila for making her feel this hungover. She hadn’t even drunk that much, yet here she was with a crick in her neck, and a headache pounding behind her eyes.
Chimney, the little shit, took one look at her and raised his eyebrows. “You look like shit.”
“Good morning to you too, Han,” Hen muttered. “I’m expecting my $50 by the end of the day today.”
“Already ahead of you,” Chimney told her, reaching to open her locker where he had set an envelope with her winnings inside. “I still can’t believe he was the first to admit it- I swear I almost had Buck, but then captain dickface interrupted and sent him home.”
“I’m just glad the clouds finally seem to be parting,” Hen rolled her eyes. “It’s getting old sitting by and watching them ignore what has become so blatantly obvious.”
“Hey, you don’t have to tell me,” Chimney snorted. “I’ve had to watch it just as long as you have.”
“Let’s just hope it’s actually going somewhere and neither of them decide to pull a random curveball out of their asses this time,” Hen grimaced thinking of the countless times Buck and Eddie had been right on the cusp of something only for the leash to be yanked back at the last second.
“Wilson! Han!” Gerrard’s voice tore across the station. “I’m not paying you to stand around and chit-chat. Lineup in 5 minutes!”
Hen tightened her fist, placing it on her locker as she rested her head against it, her eyes screwed shut.
“I may hit him today,” she muttered.
“As much as I would love to see that, please don’t,” Chimney said. “I would hate to be the only one stuck here without a suspension.”
Hen glared at him before she quickly began to change into her uniform. Within five minutes, she and Chimney had made their way out to the floor to join Gerrard’s lineup, standing at attention as he went down the line- verbally berating them for every miniscule thing he could find to complain about.
Once he was finished, he called after Hen and Chimney, “Oh- and Wilson, Han. Looks like it’s back to old times- what without your little fairy friends here. Looking forward to it.”
As he walked away, Hen huffed out an agitated breath. She didn’t need any more reminders of how things had been when she started all those years ago- Chimney being her only ally.
“Okay, forget what I said about not getting suspended,” Chimney mumbled. “Y’know, maybe we should stage a fight- that way you and I can get sent home together like Buck and Eddie.”
“And then we have Cap’s entire core team with suspensions at the same time,” Hen sighed, “How would that help our case?”
“Hey- it could be worse,” Chimney huffed out a laugh. “Tommy could still be here wreaking havoc as Gerrard’s little lap dog.”
“Don’t remind me of him,” Hen grimaced. “He’s been on my mind too much lately with all of this Buck and Eddie shit.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Chimney sighed. “I’ve heard way too much about his and Buck’s relationship from Buck lately and I do not need to hear anymore.”
Hen took in a deep breath before exhaling through her nose. “I think it’s about time we had a chat with Buck.”
Chimney’s eyes went wide as he looked at her.
“Seriously?” He asked. “You want to tell him?”
“I never thought we would still be here by now,” Hen told him. “It’s time Buck found out the truth and if that has to come from us, then sobeit.”
“Oh thank God,” Chimney sighed. “I was about to go crazy hearing Buck trying to rationalize Tommy treating him like shit.”
“Well, hopefully before long we’ll be down one racist prick,” Hen told him. “Then we’ll just have to figure out a way to take down the other.”
“So we’re really doing this?” Chimney looked at her with an arched eyebrow.
“We’re doing this,” Hen nodded.
The crowd of people in Buck’s loft was not something he was accustomed to. Sure, he had entertained small parties before- and there was Covid where he, Hen, Chimney, and Eddie all bunked together- but hosting a 118 gathering was something he had never had the honor of doing before.
It had happened when Hen had messaged him the other day asking how he felt about hosting one- citing how long it had been since they had seen Bobby and Athena, and how it would be nice to get the extended firefam back under one roof.
So, Buck had quickly accepted- everyone but Eddie joining. Buck had felt awful about it- having sent Eddie a text letting him know, only for it to be left on delivered. It sent a surge of guilt through Buck’s heart as he recalled how awful he had been to Eddie that day.
He also dreaded the prospect of Tommy being there. They hadn’t spoken since their argument the other night, and Buck wasn’t too keen on their first conversation post-fight being at a get together with his family.
Thankfully, (God, did Buck feel like a terrible boyfriend for being happy about it) the day that worked best for everyone else just so happened to be a day that Tommy was on shift. He didn’t even have to mention it to Tommy at all- thankful more than ever that they had each other’s schedules in their calendars.
So- when the night eventually arrived, his nerves were at least calmed in one aspect. Though his mind was still buzzing with regret over his last encounter with Eddie, he did his best to not let that show while he basked in the presence of his family.
The evening was going well- Hen and Chimney catching Buck up on how Gerrard had been treating them after Buck and Eddie’s suspension, Buck joining in as the three of them recanted their grievances to Bobby. Athena and Bobby in turn regaled how stressful it had been looking for a new house, all while Bobby attempted to get used to his new job working as a consultant on some shitty procedural drama about firefighters. Hen updated everyone on Karen’s business trip in Florida- citing that she was ready to come back home, but that things seemed to be going well.
All in all, Buck could tell that they all had needed this- a chance to unwind with each other; to be near each other again. It had been far too long… he just couldn’t shake the guilt at one of their members not being involved.
It was a few hours into the gathering when Hen and Chimney cornered Buck in the kitchen- asking if they could talk to him in private. He agreed and led the two of them out onto the balcony.
“What’s up?” He asked, the three of them sitting at the patio table, Chimney and Hen exchanging a serious glance at each other.
“We had something that we needed to talk to you about,” Chimney spoke first.
“It’s something we’ve been sitting on for a while, but…” Hen continued, taking a deep breath. “We didn’t feel it was our place to say until recently.”
Buck frowned, glancing back and forth at his two close friends.
“Okay…” he said slowly. “What’s this about?”
“It’s about Tommy,” Hen told him.
Buck’s brows furrowed as he tried to decipher the weird looks on their faces. “What about him?”
Hen looked at Chimney, as if suggesting he take the lead on this, Chimney nodding before looking back at Buck,
“You know that Tommy used to work with us at the 118, right?” Chimney asked.
“Yeah, back when Gerrard was captain,” Buck nodded before tacking on, “The first time.”
“Right,” Chimney said. “And you remember that Hen and I both had a- less than desired experience when we started at the 118.”
“Because Gerrard is a racist prick,” Buck surmised.
He had heard the stories of Gerrard’s antics before Bobby had become captain- the stories that Hen and Chimney had told him about how they were treated by Gerrard and some of the other firefighters at the 118. Even Tommy had mentioned that Gerrard had made the 118 a “repressive environment” that led to Tommy keeping his sexuality underfoot for years.
It filled him with rage to think that these people he cared about all had to go through such horrid treatment at the hand of a captain who was supposed to be a leader- someone they could trust.
He watched as Hen and Chimney’s faces morphed into uncomfortable grimaces as they once again exchanged looks. This time, it was Hen who sighed and looked at Buck.
“Gerrard wasn’t the only one,” Hen told him- which Buck knew, so he wasn’t really sure why she wa-
Realization crashed over him; his eyes growing wide. Gerrard wasn’t the only person at the 118 who had been racist or misogynistic towards them- he wasn’t the only one who had made their lives a living hell.
“Hen… Chim…” Buck said- silently begging for his suspicions to not be true.
“Tommy was one of those other firefighters, Buck,” Hen said carefully.
All of the air immediately felt punched out of Buck’s lungs.
“N- No, no that-“ Buck shook his head. “You would have told me, you- you would have said-“
“We didn’t want to interfere with your relationship, Buck,” Hen told him. “I didn’t want you to resent me as a reason why your first queer relationship didn’t work out.”
“That’s not- I wouldn’t have-“ Buck felt his skin crawling. He thought back on all of the times he had thought Tommy was being dismissive or blasé about something he had said or done- something his family had said or done.
As Hen and Chimney filled him in on everything- the comments, the hazing, the weird power play of demanding respect before giving that respect in return. As much as Buck hadn’t wanted to admit it, these were all feelings he himself had felt in his relationship; like he had to prove himself- prove that he was “ready” for a relationship.
He had been blinded by the idea of having finally found “it.” Having found the answer to all of the questions he had been asking surrounding his failed attempts at love that he completely ignored the fact that it didn’t really answer anything. Yes it opened up a door that he hadn’t realized was there, but in the long run things with Tommy had been no different than any of his other relationships.
It was something transactional- a trade off. He got a relationship out of it, and Tommy got a boy-toy he could shape and prod into the perfect “boyfriend.”
That was when another realization crashed over him- completely washing away everything he thought he understood.
“Eddie…” he breathed, looking up at Hen who regarded him with a somber expression. “Tommy and Sal- they weren’t talking about sports at that party were they?”
“I think that’s something you need to ask Eddie,” Hen told him softly.
Buck stood and made his way into the loft- Hen and Chimney quickly following. He ignored the confused glances of the others as he grabbed his keys.
“Buck?” Hen called. “Where are you going?”
“To talk to Eddie,” Buck told her. “I need- I need to see him.”
“He’s not here,” Hen told him.
“I’m going to his house-“ Buck replied, before he felt a gentle hand grabbing at his arm.
He turned around to see Hen standing behind him.
“I mean he’s not in LA,” she told him softly.
Buck frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. “Then where is he?”
Eddie would be lying if he said he missed El Paso in the summer. LA summers were hot- but summer in El Paso was a whole different beast entirely. It was always his least favorite time of year- mostly because it meant having to stay home to babysit the girls. He didn’t have school or baseball to fall back on as an excuse to not be “the man of the house” at 11 years old.
I t was a time where he could never really be in control of things. Sure, school meant having to be around a bunch of people that his undiagnosed socially anxious self struggled with, but at least he got to spend time with the handful of real friends he had. Baseball had also been a big distraction. Friends and baseball- two things he had some semblance of control over, while still being able to let go to a certain degree.
That had all gone away whenever summer hit. Not to mention the sweltering heat of Texan summers that made everything worse. As Eddie stood outside the airport, waiting for his Uber to arrive, he felt the all-too-familiar crawl of sweat under his jeans.
It brought back memories of his youth- a scrawny boy in an El Paso public school. Every insult under the sun had been hurled at him- “chicken arms,” “twig,” and a general favorite of his classmates when he had started to get taller “gumby.” As a child, Eddie had taken those insults to heart- what had been meaningless childhood playground antics, Eddie had processed as legitimate comments about his body.
Because of this, for a few summers in his pre-teen years, Eddie refused to wear shorts. He spent his summers suffering in jeans and long-sleeve t-shirts that were definitely not suitable for the weather, but they hid the parts of him he was ashamed of. A shield from the words of others. Sure, he may have hated it- it may have gone against every desire for comfort his body screamed for- but at least he wouldn’t have to face the ridicule that would come with it.
Turns out his body wasn’t the only thing he had used the same philosophy for- only his sexuality had been repressed in a much more silent and less obvious way.
And he dealt with that repression in similar ways. When wearing jeans and long sleeves in the summer was no longer sustainable, he turned to bulking up. He dropped baseball- opting instead for weightlifting and his school’s wrestling team. Over time, he started developing more defined muscles, his physique filling out and effectively halting any ridicule about how small he was.
Wrestling proved to bring its own set of problems, however, when at 14, Eddie first began to take notice of the male form in the locker rooms. Sure, in middle school he and his friends had all been girl obsessed the way middle school boys were supposed to be- sneaking porn magazines into sleepovers, talking about kissing girls; things Eddie never quite understood, but figured that ‘hey- none of these guys probably understand but we will eventually… this is a stepping stone.’ It wasn’t until he caught himself staring at Tyler Hutchins’ toned legs and lean form that he suddenly began to feel like maybe there was something else behind his lack of understanding of attraction to women…
He had dropped wrestling a week into tenth grade, and soon after that he started dating Shannon. Shannon who had quickly become one of (if not) his best friends. They had spent so much time together after they met freshman year, and the rumor mills had been turning. One side was that they had been secretly dating the whole time because there’s no way a girl cheerleader and a boy wrestler could just be friends. The other half of the rumor mill, however, contained rumblings that Shannon had no other female friends, and Eddie was suspiciously closer to her than he had ever been to any of the boys he had been friends with.
So, the two had agreed early on in tenth grade that they should date. Eddie wasn’t sure why he had felt a sense of dread at the prospect- Shannon was his best friend! Isn’t that the dream? To be with your best friend?
Things started looking up when nothing really changed. They still hung out like they always did, did the same things they had always done together- just with a different label on it. They still hadn’t kissed, they only held hands in public- it was nice.
Then senior year rolled around, and some of Eddie’s weightlifting buddies started asking him about his sex life with Shannon. He was able to stave off most of the questions- copying answers he’d heard from other guys, or from stuff he’d seen on TV- but it got him thinking. Should he and Shannon take that step?
Shannon was pretty- that was just a fact. Eddie knew that, and he told her how beautiful she was constantly. The only problem is he had never even begun to think about her in that way. Their relationship was good. It wasn’t necessarily physical, but they had been together for years so obviously they were doing something right…
Nevertheless, he brought it up to Shannon one night- the two of them in one of the sprawling fields on his family’s land, laying in the back of his dad’s old pickup truck. Shannon had agreed that she had also been curious herself lately and that maybe they should give it a try.
Eddie lost his virginity that night. And so began his and Shannon’s rocky sex life.
The thing was, it had felt… good. Really good. They both enjoyed it and agreed that it should happen again. And it did happen again…. and again… each time leaving them both sufficiently satisfied. Sure, it hadn’t been anything explosive or spectacular like he had heard on tv, but… that was tv! Nothing on tv is real… so they continued on.
It had always been a little mechanical- never quite what Eddie had imagined it might be like, but then again his only reference had been tv and, once again, that wasn’t a good frame of reference. So he resigned himself into thinking that this was what it was supposed to be.
Then Shannon got pregnant… and the rest- well… the rest is history.
Knowing what he had discovered about himself, he wondered if maybe Shannon had gone through the same… if she had lived, maybe they both would have eventually come to the realization that they were using each other to hide from who they really were… maybe then it could have resolved those questions of what went wrong that Eddie had spent years agonizing over.
It was with these thoughts, that he returned to El Paso, climbing into his Uber, and heading towards his parents house with the sole purpose of bringing his son home.
Okay, maybe Buck could have gone about this a little better… hiding in his boyfriend’s (well- almost ex-boyfriend’s) house while the man was still on shift just so he could surprise him with a breakup as soon as he walked in the door was not Buck’s classiest moment.
But in all honesty? He didn’t really give a fuck in that moment.
He sat in Tommy’s living room- taking in the sights around him. It was every bit the Bachelor Pad you would expect it to be. That stereotypical Los Angeles townhouse that all the mature macho men on tv lived in- so devoid of personality that Buck shuddered to think that he had ever been interested in the man.
Buck wasn’t a snob- his apartment wasn’t much better in terms of being generic, but he at least had the excuse that he spent more time at Eddie’s or Maddie’s than his own place- both homes having much more character and charm than Tommy Kinard’s house ever would.
Tommy was always home. If he hung out with friends, it was here. The only times he would go over to someone else’s place was if he and Buck had dinner together at Buck’s loft. It just drove home how devoid of personality and charm his future ex-boyfriend was.
It was about an hour after he had sat down in the living room that he heard Tommy’s keys in the door. Buck sat up, crossing his legs in the chair he occupied- preparing himself to lay it on Tommy as soon as he walked into the living room.
What he didn’t expect, however, was the sound of two voices as the door opened.
“I’m not gonna get punched if I come in again, am I Toms?” the easily identifiable voice of Sal Deluca flowed into the space.
“Funny,” came Tommy’s amused yet unimpressed tone as the door shut. “Beer is in the kitchen- you can set the pizza on the counter.”
“I’m just saying, I still think you should press charges,” Sal told him, Buck watching as the man passed by the archway to the living room with his head turned away- completely missing Buck sitting in the corner.
“No, that would only make things worse,” Tommy snorted, following as he too missed Buck’s presence. “I’m already on thin ice with Evan’s friends as it is, I don’t need another reason for them to try and get him to dump me.”
Buck stood from the chair and quietly followed them to the kitchen, standing in the doorway as the two men still had their backs turned to him.
“You think he will?” Sal asked. “I mean you were able to twist him around your finger with the Diaz thing…”
“That’s because I got to him first,” Tommy muttered. “If Diaz had told him what I called his kid? I’d never hear the end of it.”
“Why do you stay with him if he annoys you so much?” Sal asked.
“Like I said before,” Tommy told him. “He’s an easy lay… getting to use him to get off whenever I want makes the annoying rambling worth it.”
Buck felt his entire stomach drop hearing the entirety of that conversation… His chest felt heavy, and he had never been filled with the urge to haul off and punch someone- Eddie’s own outburst suddenly making much much more sense to him.
“Not anymore,” Buck said, alerting the two men of his presence. Buck reveled slightly in the fact that he had made Tommy and Sal both jump in shock at the sound of his voice- taking extra pleasure from the way Tommy’s face started to lose its color.
“Evan… I- I didn’t know you were here,” Tommy said softly. “I didn’t see the jeep out front.”
“I took an Uber,” Buck told him. “I found out about your behavior towards some of my family and I was too angry to drive.”
He kept his eyes trained on Tommy even as Sal slowly ducked out of the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone.
Buck stood in silence, arms crossed as he stared Tommy down. “Well? Are you going to say anything?”
“What is there to say, Evan?” Tommy asked, the fear on his face dissipating into a look more akin to annoyance as he dropped the slice of pizza in his hand back into the box. “You seem pretty dead-set on fighting, so why don’t you start?”
“Oh, this isn’t a fight,” Buck scoffed. “This is me finally- finally- telling you off for being such a goddamned fucking asshole all the time! I mean what, were you just going to lead me on until I eventually found out what you did to Hen and Chim? Were you going to just keep on letting our relationship develop without coming clean?”
“You’re acting as if I’m some villain in their backstory,” Tommy muttered petulantly.
“You made their lives a living hell!” Buck snapped. “You treated them like soot on the bottom of your turnout boots, acting like they had to somehow earn your respect- well that’s not what this job is. This job is about having each other’s backs regardless of personal feelings! Like when Chimney saved your life despite your snide little comments?”
“And I stopped treating him badly after that-“ Tommy tried to defend himself.
“Oh, but that still makes how you treated Hen okay?” Buck asked, his hands landing in his hips. “You are so completely fucking full of yourself that you really don’t see how you were clearly in the wrong!”
“I was trying not to get outed-“ Tommy argued.
“Being a decent human being to your coworkers wouldn’t have outed you, Tommy!” Buck seethed. “You’re not a victim here. Yeah, Gerrard’s a dick, and he may be homophobic, but in no way does standing up for your coworkers mean that you would have been outed to him. The fact that you actively participated in it just makes it so much fucking worse. Hell, Chimney said one of the old paramedics was the only fucking decent human being in that firehouse- and he has a wife and kids, does that mean he’s secretly gay just because he wasn’t a racist prick?”
“I don’t know why you’re acting like you’re a victim here, Evan,” Tommy frowned. “It’s not like you were on the receiving end of any of that.”
“No, I’m just an easy lay who gets you off whenever you want,” Buck spat. “And I may not have been the target of those remarks, but Hen and Chimney are my family; and I don’t take it lightly when people shit all over my family.”
“They were obviously fine with it if they haven’t brought it up until now,” Tommy argued.
“They weren’t fine with it,” Buck told him. “They just didn’t want to be the reason my first queer relationship ended- which they now realize was a bullshit reason to keep this from me. I mean seriously, Hen never spoke to you until the cruise ship disaster- Chimney spoke to you maybe twice since you left the 118. How on earth does that seem like either of them are on good terms with you?”
Tommy stayed quiet, Buck taking that as clearance to continue.
“And I may not know exactly what you said to make Eddie punch you,” He continued, “but if it had something to do with you calling Christopher something bad- like your little comment about it to Sal implied- then you deserved that punch… hell, if I didn’t think it would make things worse, I might punch you myself.”
Tommy stood completely still, almost as if he had just completely shut off Buck- a clear dismissal. Buck scoffed at the thought of him having ever thought Tommy had any semblance of human decency in him.
“We’re done, Tommy,” he shook his head. “I don’t ever want to hear from you, or see you ever again. I fucking mean it. You have made me waste so much time on this fucking doomed disaster of a relationship, when I could have been out there living my life- a life where I finally felt able to breathe- simply because you lacked the basic human dignity to admit to me that all I was to you was cheap, easy sex. Fuck you, Tommy. Fuck you.”
With that, Buck had turned on his heels, storming out of the house with the door slamming behind him. He started walking down the street- no specific destination in mind as he began thinking about everything that had happened the past few months.
His whole relationship with Tommy and why he even thought he wanted him in the first place. How he weaseled his way into Buck’s life at a moment when he was going through something with the most meaningful friendship he had ever had. Eddie.
Eddie.
Holy fucking shit.
EDDIE.
This whole time- this whole fucking time, and he wasted it on Tommy fucking Kinard… when he could have been…
Holy fuck- Eddie.
There- in the middle of a suburban LA street, at almost 11:30 at night, Buck stood under a lone street lamp as realization flooded his brain.
And in that moment… all he could do was laugh.
The first face Eddie saw when the front door opened was that of Helena Diaz. To her credit, she did her best to disguise the shock on her face with a look of false pleasant surprise.
“Eddie!” She said as her eyebrows shot up. “Wh- what a surprise!”
“Where is he?” Eddie asked, ignoring all pretenses. He was there with one goal only, and that was to bring his son back home.
“Where is who?” Helena asked, Eddie fighting the urge to physically push her out of the way to let himself in the house at her feigned ignorance.
“My son,” Eddie said through gritted teeth.
“Oh- Christopher is at a friend’s house right now…” Helena said, sending a pang of anger through Eddie.
“Oh really?” Eddie asked. “Which friend is that?”
“Hugo- a little boy from church that Christopher made friends with…” Helena told him.
Another lie.
“Mom,” Eddie said firmly, “Cut the shit and let me see my son. I know he’s here.”
“Eddie- I, I don’t know what-“ Helena spluttered.
“I know he’s here because he called me last night begging for me to come get him,” Eddie told her. “He said he didn’t have any friends here because you never let him leave the house.”
“Eddie- I-“ Helena started before getting cut off by the sound of crutches down the hall.
“Dad!” Christopher’s voice filled Eddie with a warm, bubbly feeling he hadn’t felt in weeks.
“Christopher!” He shouted, pushing past his mother and dropping to his knees as his son collided into him- the two of them wrapping each other in an embrace.
“I’m sorry- I’m so sorry, dad,” Christopher cried into Eddie’s shoulder.
“It’s okay- it’s okay, mijo, I’m here,” Eddie soothed, running his fingers through Christopher’s curls- Ay Dios how he missed those curls. “I’m here, mijo, it’s okay.”
“She wouldn’t-“ Christopher told him, through ragged breaths. “She wouldn’t let me do anything on my own- she tried- she tried to tell me that she had to do everything with me, even if I was trying to make friends.”
“Mijo…” Eddie sighed, cupping his son’s face in his hand.
“I just- I wanted you to feel bad-” Christopher told him. “I was mad at you and I wanted you- I wanted you to feel bad for bringing her home, so I called abuela and abuelo, but… I never really wanted to leave home.”
“Oh, mijo, it’s okay-“ Eddie soothed, pulling Christopher back into a hug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never meant to. I didn’t even know she would be there that night…”
“Why was she there?” Chris asked. “Why did- why did she look like mom?”
“I-“ Eddie’s breath hitched, remembering how uneasy he felt when he opened the door and saw Kim, dressed like Shannon. “I don’t know, Chris… I think she wanted to help me move on- to let go of your mom, but… but it wasn’t okay what she did.”
“Why didn’t you tell her to leave?” Chris asked, and Eddie opened his mouth to answer when a new voice pulled his focus away from Chris.
“Edmundo?” Ramón’s voice sounded from behind him. “What’s going on here?”
Eddie stood and placed his hand on Christopher’s shoulder before leaning down to press a kiss into his son’s curls.
“Go pack your things, okay, mijo?” he whispered to Chris who nodded before he turned back to his parents- both still standing in the doorway. “I’m taking Chris home with me.”
Ramón looked from Eddie to Helena before he took a deep breath. “Eddie, I think Chris wants to stay with us for a while-“
“No,” Eddie snapped. “He doesn’t. He called me last night begging me to come get him because you won’t let him leave the house. You’re robbing him of his independence- he’s thirteen.”
“He needs extra care-“ Helena tried.
“Jesus Christ, mom he’s not a fucking invalid!” Eddie shouted.
“Language!” Ramón scolded.
“No- I’m going to finally speak my mind to you two- for once in my life,” Eddie put his foot down. “I am done letting you try to control me. When I was younger, it was by telling me I had to be the man of the house- making me raise Soph and Adri by myself. Then with Shannon by making me marry her when we all know that was the worst possible scenario for anyone involved. Then by trying to make me leave Christopher with you- telling me I wasn’t ready to be a father even though forcing me to be the man of the house at 11 years old and then telling me to marry Shannon because it was the “right thing to do” implied otherwise- you have wanted to control every single element of my life since day one and I am done living my life by how other people tell me I should live it. It is my life, and Christopher is my son. And you two are not going to take that away from me.”
Helena and Ramón stood speechless as Eddie stared them down. He took a deep breath before continuing.
“And while I have your attention,” he said, “I think the two of you should know something- something I should have admitted to myself a long time ago. I’m gay. You wonder why none of my relationships worked out? It’s because I was never fully involved. There was always something missing, and it took blowing my life up to finally realize and accept that, but now that I know, I am never going to deny it again. I’m gay. And I’m in love with a man- a man who loves my son like his own, who would never do anything to knowingly hurt him; which is a lot better than I can say about either of you.”
As Eddie finished his speech, he heard the clack of Christopher’s crutches behind him. Turning around, he saw Chris rounding the corner with his duffel bag in hand- Eddie grabbing it from him gently and pulling him into a hug.
“Go wait out in the Uber-“ he instructed Christopher, who immediately listened, making his way out the front door.
“Christopher-“ Helena started.
“Don’t,” Eddie stopped her.
As Christopher made his way down the front path to the car waiting out front for them, Eddie stopped and turned back to face his parents one more time.
“I don’t want either of you contacting him,” Eddie told them. “He will contact you when he’s ready, but until then, you wait until he reaches out. Don’t reach out to me either.”
“Eddie-“ Ramón tried, stopping when Eddie held up a hand, giving him a stern look.
He turned around and made his way to the car, placing Chris’s duffel bag in the trunk, before joining his son in the backseat.
“You ready to go home?” He asked, looking down at Christopher who nodded immediately- a smile growing on Eddie’s face as he pulled his son back in for a hug… the Uber slowly pulling away from Eddie’s childhood home.
“Are you two sure this is going to work?” Rosen asked, her eyes glancing back and forth between Hen and Chimney.
“Trust me- It’s foolproof,” Chimney assured her.
“Mind telling me how it’s foolproof?” Rosen asked.
“He’ll never suspect a thing,” Hen told her. “We’ll hide them in a couple different places, Chimney and Maddie’s phones are already connected to them, and once we catch him saying something incriminating, we’ll turn it into Simpson and bam! Problem solved.”
“What if he notices?” Rosen arched an eyebrow.
“Do you see how small these things are?” Chimney asked. “Maddie and I paid big bucks for these for the literal purpose that they wouldn’t be seen.”
“Look, we just need you and the rest of C shift to plant them in places Gerrard will be,” Hen told her. “That way we can get something on him as soon as possible.”
Rosen glanced back and forth between them one more time before letting out a sigh. “Fine. But if you get caught, I don’t want any of this coming back on me…”
“We promise,” Hen assured her.
Rosen nodded before taking the small cameras from Chimney’s hands before shaking her head with a light chuckle. “Using nanny cams to uncover your boss’s bigotry- that wasn’t on my bingo card for this year.”
As she walked away, Hen and Chimney both let out relieved sighs. They made their way to their cars in the parking lot, Hen taking one more glance back at the firehouse.
“Now we wait,” She said, casting a glance at Chimney with raised eyebrows.
“It won’t be too much longer,” Chimney told her. “With how often he says shit- it’s not gonna take forever to catch something.”
“Let’s just hope it’s something we can actually use,” Hen muttered before climbing into her car.
They didn’t talk about it until they were on the plane back to LA- Christopher and Eddie smushed into a two seat row on the smaller plane. The flight attendant had just stopped by to offer them drinks- both Eddie and Christopher requesting a Sprite at the same time (‘Like father like son,’ the flight attendant had joked).
“Dad?” Christopher’s voice was small from next to him.
“Yeah, bud?” Eddie asked, looking down at his son.
“Did you ever love mom?” Chris asked, not looking at Eddie.
A crushing sense of sadness filled Eddie at that question.
“Wh- why do you say that, mijo?” Eddie’s voice was soft.
“I heard you tell abuela and abuelo that you were gay,” Christopher told him. “And that marrying mom was a mistake.”
“Oh, Christopher…” Eddie’s voice came out broken. “I- I didn’t mean I regretted marrying your mom… I just- some people are better off not being married; and I think your mom and I worked a lot better as friends than we did as a couple.”
Chris stayed quiet as Eddie thought of his next words.
“I loved your mom so much,” Eddie told him. “She was my best friend… I just- I didn’t love her the way a couple should love each other.”
“You love her the way you love Buck?” Chris asked.
Eddie felt a lump form in his throat- closing his eyes he took in a deep breath. “No- not… not like I love Buck.”
“Because you love Buck like Auntie Hen loves Auntie Karen,” Christopher said then. “And Aunt Maddie loves Uncle Chim.”
And God when did his kid become so damn observant?
“Yeah, mijo,” Eddie said softly. “I do.”
Christopher stayed quiet for a few moments before Eddie decided to speak again.
“Is- is that okay?” Eddie asked.
“Of course it is, dad,” Christopher looked up at him for the first time since they started their conversation. “I just wish you had realized it a long time ago.”
Eddie chuckled softly. “Yeah… Yeah, I do too.”
“Are you gonna tell him?” Chris asked.
“I- probably not, Chris,” Eddie admitted. “He’s dating Tommy, remember? And- and he and I had a little bit of a fight before I came to get you.”
“Why?” Chris frowned.
“Well,” Eddie sighed. “Tommy said some things that upset me and I didn’t handle it the best-“
“Shocker…” Chris muttered, earning an amused glance from Eddie.
“Yeah, I deserved that one,” Eddie chuckled. “Anyway, I think Tommy lied to Buck about what he said and Buck got mad at me, and we fought. We both said some things we didn’t mean, and… I haven’t talked to him since then.”
“Why doesn’t he leave Tommy?” Christopher asked.
“Because he really likes Tommy, Chris,” Eddie told him.
“But he loves you,” Chris grumbled- making Eddie’s breath hitch. “And if Tommy said something mean about you then he should leave him.”
“I don’t think he knows what Tommy said, Chris,” Eddie pointed out.
“Then why don’t you tell him?” Christopher asked.
Eddie paused, trying to find the words carefully.
“I don’t want to be the reason he has to break up with Tommy,” Eddie told him. “I don't want him to be sad because of me.”
“But he loves us,” Christopher argued.
“I know, but not that way-“ Eddie tried to explain.
“No, dad, he loves you,” Chris told him. “He won’t admit it because he thinks you don’t love him too, which is stupid.”
Eddie sat in stunned silence for a few moments.
“H- how do you know?” Eddie asked.
“I see the way he looks at you,” Chris told him. “It’s the same way you look at him.”
Eddie sat still for a moment processing that information. Unsure of what to say.
“Besides,” Christopher continued. “He would wanna know if Tommy was mean to you. Just like you want to know if people are mean to me- no matter who it is.”
How on earth was Eddie blessed with such an amazing son?
“You’re such an awesome kid, Chris,” Eddie wrapped an arm around his son- pulling him close.
“I know…” Chris sighed. “You and Buck are just dumb.”
“Hey, watch it,” Eddie chuckled. “Don’t push your luck.”
“Promise me you’ll talk to Buck, and you have a deal,” Chris replied, Eddie leaning back to look at his son with an amused expression.
“Who taught you this attitude?” He asked.
“Tía Sophia,” Chris told him.
Of course it was.
“Fine,” Eddie sighed. “I will talk to him- if you promise not to use anymore of this Tía Sophia influence, eh?”
Christopher was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating. “Deal.”
Eddie let out a small laugh before giving Chris another tight squeeze.
“I love you, mijo,” he said softly.
“I love you too, dad,” Chris replied.
And, God, if that didn’t make Eddie’s world a little bit brighter.
Buck paced back and forth outside Maddie’s house, waiting for her to answer the door after he had just knocked. He felt lighter on his feet- fresh air in his lungs; who knew dumping your asshole of a boyfriend would make you feel a thousand times better?
Maddie opened the door, a look of pleasant surprise washing over her features.
“Buck?” She smiled. “What’s up? I didn’t know you were stopping by…”
“Can I come in?” Buck asked, smiling back at her. “I- I have something to tell you.”
“Yeah- yeah, sure,” Maddie stepped aside, letting him in. “Josh is here, but if it’s something private-“
“No, no,” Buck assured her. “It’s all good, I promise.”
He followed her through the kitchen where he noticed the back doors open- Josh sitting on the patio with a wine glass in hand.
“Buck!” Josh smiled at him. “God, I haven’t seen you in forever- How’ve you been?”
“I’ve…” Buck trailed off for a moment- unsure as to whether he should answer that honestly. “I’ve… been.”
“I feel you there,” Josh huffed out a laugh as he sipped his wine. “Oh! And I hear congratulations are in order with you finally joining the ranks of queer first responders in LA.”
“Yeah,” Buck chuckled, I guess it took me long enough, huh…”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything, but I’m glad you finally figured it out,” Josh told him. “Although, I fear I clocked it the moment I met you at that poker night a few years ago.”
Buck laughed at the good-natured teasing. He had always liked Josh, never really understanding why the two of them never hung out more. Maybe now that he was out, Josh might be willing to introduce Buck to some of his queer friends…
“You said you had something to say?” Maddie asked, pouring Buck a glass of wine, passing it to him as he sat down.
“Yeah, uh…” He sighed, smiling. “I broke up with Tommy.”
Maddie’s eyes grew wide- a giant grin stretching across her face. “Really? You actually did it?”
“After my conversation with Hen and Chimney last night?” Buck huffed. “OF course I did.”
“Oh thank God,” Maddie let out a relieved sigh.
“Wait-“ Josh frowned. “You were still dating that toad man?”
Buck choked on his drink at that, coughing a bit before turning to Josh.
“He- I- huh?” Buck stammered.
“Buck,” Josh leveled him with a scrutinizing glance. “You cannot seriously expect me to believe you think that man is attractive in any way?”
“I- well- It’s-“ Buck struggled to find a response to that. “He doesn’t look like a toad.”
“No,” Maddie shook her head, “His features are definitely toadlike.”
“You called him a hot helicopter pilot when I came out to you!” Buck argued.
“Yeah, and that was before I had ever even seen the man,” Maddie pointed out. “When we met at the wedding I wanted to pull you aside and ask you what the hell you were thinking calling him hot when…”
Her voice trailed off as she took a sip of her wine, raising her eyebrows as she cast a glance at Josh who chuckled, raising his glass to her before sipping his. Buck furrowed his brows, glancing back and forth between them.
“Wait- ‘when’ what?” Buck asked.
“When the fine piece of ass that is Eddie Diaz has been standing right in front of you for years,” Josh scoffed, rolling his eyes amusingly.
Buck felt a lump form in his throat, his collar suddenly feeling tight against his neck. “Wh- why would- I don’t…”
“Evan,” Maddie sighed, “Please don’t play dumb and say you aren’t head over heels for him…”
Buck knew his cheeks must be bright red from the way that Maddie and Josh were both looking at him- sly grins forming on both of them.
“I- well…” Buck stuttered.
“Buck, with all due respect,” Josh interjected, “Even I can see the two of you are crazy about each other and have been ignoring it for years.”
Buck’s eyes grew wide at those words. “E- each other? Eddie’s not- he doesn’t… Eddie’s straight.”
Josh snorted next to him.
“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes. “And so am I.”
“Wh-“ Buck stammered. “H- He is! He’s only ever dated women-“
“So did you until Tommy,” Maddie pointed out.
“And didn’t Athena’s husband come out after they had had two children together?” Josh added.
Buck sat in shocked silence for a few moments, letting everything rush over him. Years of friendship- years of partnership- of having each other’s backs, and giving each other the best parts of themselves. Eddie had been the most fulfilling relationship Buck had ever had, and it was right under his nose the entire time. Eddie had given Buck everything- friendship, a soft place to land, a shoulder to cry on… his child.
“Holy shit,” Buck exhaled. “I- I need to talk to Eddie…”
Maddie tossed her head back, holding her arms wide open as if she were praising some higher power.
“Fucking finally,” she sighed.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Buck told her, standing. “You know, you could have just said something.”
“I’ve been trying to say something since the day I called it a boy-crush,” Maddie smirked at him, and- yeah she had a point.
Buck flipped her off before making his way back through the house- a man on a mission. The last thing he heard as the door shut behind him was Josh’s voice calling out after him:
“Go get your man!”
Eddie and Chris had continued to catch each other up on everything the other had missed in their lives since Chris had left. They spent the rest of the plane ride and the subsequent Uber back to their little house on South Bedford Street chatting, laughing, and making plans for the rest of the summer now that Christopher was back.
They continued their conversation all the way up to the door- the words flowing between them as seamlessly as they had before Christopher had left. Of course, there was still a lot they had to work through- trust that had to be rebuilt; but Eddie relished in the fact that his son was home. And not only that, but he was talking to him. Eddie felt the happiest he had felt in months- the way things had been back before he fucked everything up for himself. Back when he and Chris still had-
“Buck!” Christopher shouted as they entered their house- Eddie’s eyes only taking a moment to register his best friend standing in the archway to the dining room.
“Christopher!” Buck dropped to his knees to envelop Chris into a bear-hug; the two most important people in Eddie’s life finally reunited.
“Dad didn’t tell me you would be here,” Chris said into Buck’s neck where he was still hugging him.
Buck let out a soft chuckle as he pulled back from the hug. “Well- Your dad didn’t really know I would be here, bud.”
Chris looked between the two of them for a moment.
“Oh- is it because you’re arguing?” he asked.
“W- I-“ Buck stuttered.
“Dad told me, Buck,” Chris said. “He said you two just needed to talk it out and that it would be okay.”
Buck looked up at Eddie- a sadness in those eyes that pained Eddie; knowing that sadness was there because of him.
“Yeah- yeah he and I need to talk, superman,” Buck agreed.
“I’ll go unpack,” Christopher moved towards the hallway. “You two can talk and then we can get pizza and have a movie night- like we used to!”
Before Buck or Eddie could say anything, he had made his way down the hallway and shut his bedroom door, leaving the two men standing alone looking at each other; a heavy silence between them.
“You didn’t tell me Chris was coming home,” Buck said.
“You weren’t talking to me,” Eddie replied.
“You told me not to,” Buck reminded him- no ire or petulance in his voice. Just a simple observation.
“Yeah… yeah I did,” Eddie sighed.
“You deserved to,” Buck continued. “For what I said… Eddie, I- you have to understand, I didn’t mean a thing-“
“I know, Buck,” Eddie said, softly.
“I just-“ Buck sighed. “I was going through a rough patch and- and I took it out on you and said those things even though…. even though I know it wasn’t true, but I just- I shouldn’t have taken it out on you-“
“I shouldn’t have taken it out on you either, Buck,” Eddie pointed out.
Buck paused for a second before quietly saying, “Eddie I defended the man who shit talked your kid…. I more than deserved everything you said to me.”
“Did you know what he had called Christopher?” Eddie asked.
“Well- No, but-“ Buck stammered.
“Then you didn’t deserve my outburst,” Eddie told him.
They stood quietly for another moment before Buck ducked his head down in that adorably bashful way that Eddie loved- something he wished he had realized he loved sooner.
“I guess we both said things we shouldn’t have?” Buck offered with a hopeful smile.
“We did,” Eddie agreed, returning the smile.
After another moment, Buck stepped forward and pulled Eddie into a hug- Eddie returning the favor.
“God- I missed you, Eds,” Buck breathed into Eddie’s shoulder.
“I missed you too,” Eddie replied, holding tight to his best friend.
“I should have never trusted him,” Buck said. “I- I don’t think I ever really did, I just- I had so much going on with Tommy and me, and I kinda deflected it all onto everyone else….”
“Buck you don’t have to keep apologizing,” Eddie sighed.
“But- But I do, Eds,” Buck exhaled. “I hurt you- And I hurt us- and I never wanted to do that… especially over- over fucking Tommy of all people.”
Buck pulled back from the hug, looking directly at Eddie, tears in his eyes.
“I almost fucked up six years of friendship for a guy who treated everyone I love like shit-“ he continued. “He- he was just like Gerrard to Hen and Chimney, and- and he said what he said about Chris, and he insinuated that you- God, I’m such an idiot for wasting so much time on him.”
“You’re not an idiot, Buck,” Eddie said, softly. “Sure, throwing yourself in the deep end over a man old enough to be your father-“
“He’s not old enough to be my father,” Buck huffed out a wet laugh.
“If I got Shannon pregnant when I was 20, then a man at least 15 years older than you is definitely old enough to be your father,” Eddie pointed out. “But anyway…. you’re not an idiot for making mistakes. Am I an idiot just because I made a dumb mistake with Kim?”
“No,” Buck muttered.
“Then you’re not an idiot for, admittedly, over-prioritizing your relationship,” Eddie assured him. “The point is, you realized the mistake, and you took the actions necessary to fix it. You’re here now- and I’m glad… I missed you while you were off in dreamland with your ugly pilot boyfriend.”
“You were friends with him first,” Buck pointed out with a weak laugh.
“And the second he left you on that street corner that friendship was over,” Eddie smirked.
“I kinda deserved that…” Buck rubbed the back of his neck.
“You got scared because I ran into you on a date when you weren’t out yet,” Eddie told him. “If it had been me in that situation, would you say I deserved to be ditched?”
“No…” Buck admitted.
“Then why do you think you’re anymore deserving of that?” Eddie leveled Buck with a serious look. “You constantly belittle yourself when you don’t even realize how deserving of love you are, and I’m done letting that happen.”
Buck stared at Eddie for a few moments- Eddie getting lost in those eyes that he had found himself getting lost in time and time again before realizing exactly what that meant.
“I love you, Buck,” Eddie found himself admitting, watching as Buck’s eyes went wide.
“What?” Buck breathed.
“I love you,” Eddie repeated.
“Eddie, you-“ Buck’s voice came out shaky, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him.
“Evan,” Eddie’s voice was soft, like a prayer- the only prayer he would ever utter again would be to declare his love to Evan Buckley, “I love you.”
He watched as the shock in Buck’s eyes transformed into a mix of relief, happiness, and tears.
“Thank God,” Buck said before cupping both of Eddie’s cheeks and pulling him in for a deep kiss.
Eddie felt alive. Kissing Buck sent shockwaves through him- lightning him up in ways he had never felt before. He suddenly understood why people loved kissing- why they craved that contact with their partners. It was something he had never encountered before; not with Marisol, not with Ana… Not with Shannon.
When they parted, Eddie looked into Buck’s eyes again, the two of them unable to keep from smiling. Eddie brushed one of Buck’s curls out of his face before cupping his cheeks and caressing Buck’s cheekbone with his thumb.
They stood like that for a few moments before the sound of Chris’s voice ended the moment from where he stood in the hallway.
“Fucking finally,” he sighed- exasperated.
“Christopher,” Eddie scolded. “Language.”
“I’m sorry, dad, but I think I deserve a pass after having to put up with you two for this long,” Chris reasoned, which- fair.
Eddie and Buck simply laughed at their kid- basking in the moment as they held each other close.
“I love you,” Buck told him after a moment.
“I love you, too,” Eddie replied.
“Okay, if you two are gonna be gross about it,” Christopher grumbled, making his way into the dining room. “Now can we order that pizza? I’m starving.”
Buck and Eddie laughed once again, sharing one more soft kiss before joining their son- hand in hand.
Hen was currently in the middle of a heated makeout session with her wife. Karen had just returned from her trip to Florida, and Denny had already gone to bed, so the two of them were determined to enjoy their time together.
“Fuck, I missed you, baby,” Karen murdered against Hen’s lips from where she straddled her.
Hen ran her hands up Karen’s back, landing on her shoulders to pull her in closer. “I missed you too.
As they deepened their kiss, Hen felt her phone vibrate next to them. Hen turned to glance at her phone before Karen pulled her face back towards her.
“Ignore it,” Karen mumbled- Hen listening to her…
Until it vibrated a moment later.
“Ugh,” Karen flopped her head back, “Can’t you put it on ‘do not disturb’?”
“I did-“ Hen told her, reaching over to grab it. “Someone’s bypassing it…”
She tapped the screen to see two messages from Chimney- one reading ‘GOTTEEM’ and another being a video.
Hen let out a loud gasp, Karen’s head popping up- alert.
“What’s wrong?” Karen asked, looking at Hen’s phone.
Hen turned to her with a wide grin on her face. “We just got proof of our dear old decrepit captain being a bigot on tape.”
Karen smiled widely, cupping Hen’s cheeks. “I think that calls for celebration, don’t you?”
Hen immediately kissed her wife again, tossing her phone to the side as she flipped them over so that Karen was laying on her back….
Eddie was on cloud nine the day he and Buck entered the station together. The past week since they had confessed their feelings in Eddie’s living room had been- for lack of a better word- pure bliss. Eddie learned things about himself and his body (through the medium of Buck’s body) that he had never known to be true. When Chris had begged to go visit with some of his friends the Friday after he got back, the two of them utilized the empty house to get very, very, intimately familiar with each other.
Aside from telling Maddie- something they had both agreed needed to be done since she had been the reason Buck had shown up at Eddie’s in the first place- they had agreed to keep their relationship a secret until Bobby came back; not wanting to cause anymore unnecessary issues with Gerrard.
They had both been notified by Chief Simpson about two weeks after their fight that they were due to return the following scheduled shift. They could hardly hide their excitement at getting to go back to work- both of them taking Chris out for ice cream to celebrate.
When they walked into the station that day, they were shocked to see a banner hung up that read “Welcome Home, 118 Castaways.” Buck shot Eddie a confused look- both of them recognizing that this was hardly something that Gerrard would allow- before they were surprised with the image of Bobby standing at the loft railing.
“Cap!” Buck shouted, sprinting up the stairs immediately to hug Bobby tightly- the captain returning the hug before Edsie took his turn hugging the man.
“When did you get cleared to come back?” Eddie asked.
“Same time as the two of you,” Bobby told them, glancing back and forth between them with narrow eyes. “Although something about you two makes me feel like the incident that got you two suspended in the first place has been resolved?”
The two men shared a bashful glance with each other, Eddie feeling his cheeks tingling as they looked back to Bobby.
“How did you know?” Buck asked.
“You two look different…” Bobby told them. “Happier.”
“We are,” Eddie replied, grinning at Buck who returned the grin.
“Just keep it PG on shift, please,” Bobby smiled. “And I’ll have some paperwork for you two to fill out sometime this week.”
“Absolutely,” Eddie agreed, glancing over at Buck again who had the same giddy smile on his face that Eddie hadn’t been able to ditch since they woke up together that morning.
“You three-“ Athena’s voice called out from behind them. “Stop yapping and come over here to get some cake!”
They joined with no hesitation, the three of them laughing at the cake Hen had ordered for them- a sheet cake with a small island in one corner; three figures representing Bobby, Eddie, and Buck on a raft while a shark was eating Gerrard.
“Funny,” Bobby smirked at Hen who shrugged.
“I didn’t know any other way to represent you three coming back,” she said before passing out plates.
While they ate, Hen and Chimney recanted the tale of how they had gotten Gerrard calling one of the new probie’s Cortez a racial slur on camera, and that it was only a matter of time before Chief Simpson had begun an in depth investigation into Gerrard.
An investigation that uncovered a scheme between him and Councilwoman Oritz- that had Gerrard agreeing to sell her information about Hen to use in her fight to keep Mara away from the Wilson’s. Ortiz had since been stripped of her Councilwoman-ship, and Hen happily announced that she and Karen had a custody court date scheduled for the following Friday, meaning that Mara would get to come home.
“Everything is finally getting back to the way they should be,” Bobby mused, smiling softly.
“Even our two resident peanut gallery have finally made up after their fight,” Chimney teased, Buck and Eddie sharing a quick glance.
It was silent for a moment as everyone continued eating their cake before Hen gasped, her eyes wide as she glanced between the two of them.
“Oh my God,” she said.
“What?” Eddie asked, feeling the color drained from his face.
“Don’t ‘what’ me, Diaz,” Hen sassed. “Did you two finally get your heads out of your asses?”
Buck looked at Eddie- wide eyed- before looking back at Hen.
“We talked about our fight, Hen…” he said, the casual tone he attempted failing at being convincing.
“Oh my God, you two finally got together, didn’t you?” she practically squealed.
“Wait, is that why Maddie’s been secretive?” Chimney asked. “You two are finally screwing?”
“Chimney,” Bobby grimaced.
“Spill, you two,” Hen said, giving them a threatening glare.
Buck and Eddie glanced at each other, a small smile on both of their faces.
“Yes,” Eddie admitted. “Buck and I are together.”
“It’s about damn time,” Athena scoffed, earning shocked looks from everyone. “Look, just because I didn’t get involved in the betting pool doesn’t mean I didn’t see it coming from miles away.”
“Betting pool?” Buck asked.
“Yeah,” Chimney huffed. “Because you two couldn’t wait another week, I lost $200.”
“You bet $200 that it would have taken them another week?” Athena asked, fixing Chimney with an unimpressed look.
“The point is,” Bobby cut off whatever Chimney was about to say in response. “We’re glad you two figured it out.”
Eddie smiled, glancing back over at Buck, grabbing his hand from under the table and lacing their fingers together.
“Yeah, we did,” Eddie said softly.
Buck smiled back at him, squeezing his hand. Before anyone else could say anything, the alarm went off, the group looking at each other- basking for a moment in having their family back together- before jumping into action. Eddie couldn’t help but continue smiling as they made their way to the call- thinking about how after so long, everyone had finally come home.
And boy what a great feeling it was.