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They fought.
Four days had passed since Buck had left Eddie’s house furious, his knuckles had been almost white and he had even slammed the front door.
Their fight hadn’t been that serious actually. The two of them were just way too tired and fed up from a day of hard calls and it ended with them saying things neither of them meant. Now, Buck knows that arguing doesn’t exactly mean that it’s the end of their relationship, he knew it was a situation that couples simply can’t avoid.
He’d seen his parents do it quite often, always yelling about some situation that little Buck didn’t fully understand. But even so, he couldn’t stop feeling a big lump in his throat every time he thought of that day. And sure, they’d fought before, that grocery store fight especially standing out, but never as a couple and that unnerved Buck in a special way.
They had come back to Eddie’s place after a long hard shift, and they were arguing about the same thing they’d been arguing about for weeks.
A few weeks ago, Christopher had come to them with the request to go camping with his friend Andie and his family. Buck was more than excited for him, telling him how much fun he had when he went camping with Maddie growing up, Eddie wasn’t. Eddie was very against the idea, and thus their fight was created.
They spent days arguing about it, trying to reach an agreement of sorts but then Eddie called Andie’s parents and said Christopher wouldn’t be going, doing it behind Buck’s back.
Traitor was one of the many words screamed during their fight.
Not even an hour after Buck left Eddie’s, Christopher knocked at his door, saying he would be staying with him for the rest of the week, and the phone call to update Eddie was the last time they talked. Luckily for Buck, he had a very understanding captain, and Bobby gave him some time off.
After the heartbroken look Christopher gave him, Buck let him sleepover at the Wilson’s for the night, allowing him to spend time with Denny as an apology for not going with Andie.
So that’s how Buck ended up all alone at the loft. He’s enjoying his balcony for once, a book in front of him as his gaze is focused on the gray clouds forming in the sky. It’s definitely going to rain, and when it rains his leg starts acting up and hurting him, and he still has the fight playing in his mind over and over again.
He’s been trying to convince himself that Eddie really didn’t feel and mean anything that he said, that it had only been the lack of sleep and accumulated stress speaking for him at the moment. But it was useless. A tear spilled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. There’s no point, he’s already convinced himself that everything Eddie had said, he meant.
His eyes quickly blur, and he sighs, wiping the tears from his eyes. He really should leave the balcony if he doesn’t want it to rain on him. After a long while, he finally manages to stop the flood works and focuses back on the present, grabbing the book and walking inside.
A light knock on his front door makes him turn around. He isn’t expecting anyone so he makes sure to reach the door quickly, not expecting Athena and May to be standing there with food.
“Hi Buck!” May says, waving her only free hand.
He doesn’t have time to say anything before they’re both walking in, dropping the food on his kitchen counter.
“What’s going on?” He finally asks, terribly confused.
“Bobby said you were taking some days off, that you were busy with Christopher. So we just wanted to make sure you had enough food for you both.” Athena explains, beginning to organize his fridge.
He decides not to fight against them and the three end up having a quick dinner, Athena telling them about her cases and May going on about some girl she met at university that Buck was pretty sure she was crushing on.
They leave as quickly as they came and once again he’s alone, his mood dampening almost immediately. He decides to stand up and regrets everything, his leg sending him shooting pains all throughout his body.
“Oh screw you.” He says, looking down at his leg as he walks over to the stairs, creating the courage to walk up to his bed.
He eyes the long staircase, dreading the pain he’s going to feel later on. One deep breath and he’s on the stairs, slowly making his way up, low curses leaving his lips the entire time. He basically throws himself on his bed, grabbing the heavy blankets and wrapping himself around them, hoping the warmth will sooth his leg.
Now he could think about how messed up this situation with Eddie really is. He always knew that their relationship wasn’t going to be easy, but he really hoped that because they started off as best friends, he would never hurt.
But he was wrong.
Because right now, he’s more hurt than he’s ever been. Abby leaving him at the airport, Ali leaving him because of his crushed leg didn’t even get close to the pain of not talking to Eddie for four days.
Buck understands that ultimately, decisions regarding Christopher are up to Eddie. What he says goes. But over the years, Eddie had depended more and more on Buck, asking him for his opinion on parenting rules, asking him to attend PTA meetings.
Let’s not even mention the one thing they don’t talk about. The will.
How can he be expected to take care of Christopher, if his opinions don’t matter to Eddie at all when making the final decisions. Buck’s mind feels like it’s draining the life out of him, every second a new question pops up in his mind about this entire ridiculous situation and it’s exhausting.
He’s insanely frustrated and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. So he dealt with it in the way he knew, he was petty. He didn’t answer any of Eddie’s phone calls on the first day, nor his texts on the second one. And when he dropped off Christopher at the Wilson’s, he made it a point not to tell Eddie, giving Hen that job instead.
He’s a petty man. Sue him.
Buck thinks back to when he knew that Eddie was the one for him. It was somewhere after the tsunami but before the well. Small, special and intimate moments between the two of them that somehow spun Buck’s world on its axis.
He kept his feelings from Eddie a complete secret, not wanting him to know about them in fear it would change their relationship and he’d lose both of his favorite people at once. It took him years, one shooting, one death and an ugly boyfriend to realize it was time to tell Eddie how he felt. Luckily he felt the exact same.
Their relationship didn’t actually change much. The two already did everything together, they even lived together by the time Buck confessed, the only thing was that they got to add kissing to the list of things to do together. They were so happy, that it didn’t cross his mind that they would still have fights, even though they weren’t prone to fighting.
The grocery store fight that Chim so kindly named ‘Custody Battle’ was actually the only time they ever really fought. They’re so in sync with each other, that their minds are linked as one and they’re usually on the same side. Buck had felt very uneasy when they started disagreeing on things that were so unimportant, and now he knows why.
He shouldn’t be so surprised that they’ve already messed up in their relationship, not once have either of them been in a successful relationship. He’s actually not sure why he expected anything different with this one.
Now, Buck isn’t too full of pride to admit he also said some things during their argument that weren’t nice but Eddie definitely didn’t really help him.
Four nights ago
“Eddie, why the hell did Andie’s mom call me to tell me she got your message?” Buck yells from the kitchen, so confused from the call he got. “What message?”
“Oh God.” Eddie says, his eyes widening slightly as he walks towards the kitchen.
Eddie looks at Buck, who looks so confused, like a little puppy that was just born, and it makes his heart ache. The regret immediately creeps into him, he really shouldn’t have talked to Andie’s parents.
“Eddie? What’s going on?” Buck asks.
“I talked to Andie’s dad about the camping trip.” Eddie says, hoping Buck will drop it.
“What? Without me?” The betrayal in Buck’s voice breaks Eddie’s heart. “What did you even tell him?”
“I told him Chris’s not going.”
The silence in the room is deafening.
“What?”
“I don’t like the idea of Chris going camping, I think it’s too early for him to go alone. Besides, we barely know these people.” Eddie tries to explain, but Buck looks so upset he doesn’t think anything he says will help.
“No, you barely know these people. I have met his parents dozens of times. Come on Eddie, I had lunch with Lindsey just last week.” Buck explains and okay he has a point but Eddie still doesn’t agree.
“It’s different Buck.”
“Why? What’s different? I thought we were going to try and reach an agreement.” Buck pleads, really trying to understand the situation.
“It just is. Can we drop it, please?” Eddie asks, but he knows there’s no point, Buck is a very stubborn man.
“Not until you tell me why it’s different. Just tell me what’s going on.” Buck says, and he seems very adamant on getting an answer.
“Because, I’m his father.”
Buck blinks.
“Oh.”
“Buck I-”
“No, I get it now. You’re his parent, I’m just your boyfriend.” Buck says, and Eddie can see his eyes scanning around the room trying to find a way out.
“That’s not what I meant.” Eddie says, following Buck around when he walks out the kitchen to the living room, clearly looking for his things. That seems to make him stop.
“Okay, what did you mean then?” Buck asks, and Eddie doesn’t know what to say because Buck looks so heartbroken, his eyes already wet. “See, you did mean it.”
“Buck, I didn’t mean it like that. I just think that this is the right decision.” Eddie says, hoping his answer is enough to make Buck stop tying his shoes.
“Right, I get it, Eds. You want my help and opinions until they aren’t the same as yours. When that happens, I’m no longer Chris’ dad, just his dads boyfriend.” The way he says it makes Eddie’s heart tighten, he wants to grab him and make him stop walking away so badly.
“Stop twisting my words! That’s not what I meant and you won’t let me explain myself.” Eddie says, grabbing Buck’s wrist to try and make him stop walking.
“No, you’re such a traitor!” Buck screams, tears escaping his eyes. It startles Eddie and makes him stop in his steps, not even fighting back when Buck pushes his hand off him. “You’re a liar, you told me that I had as much input on Chris as you do.”
“You do, baby. I swear.” Eddie all but pleads for Buck not to leave and to hear him.
“No, I don’t!” Buck yells out, tears running down his face rapidly. “And you’re right, Eddie. I’m nothing to Chris. I haven’t adopted him and we aren’t married, so I’m nothing in his life.”
Eddie wants to drown himself for making Buck sad.
“Dad!”
The two freeze, Buck’s hand on the front door ready to leave them and Eddie desperately wanting to keep him home.
“I’ll be there in a sec.” Eddie yells back, staring at Buck.
“I meant Buck actually.” Christopher clarifies.
The sob that escapes Buck’s lips makes Eddie feel like the worst man alive.
“I’m going to stay at the loft for a few days. Tell Chris he can text me about whatever he needs.” Buck says, not even giving Eddie any time to respond before slamming the door on his way out.
And now it’s been almost a week since they’ve talked and Buck is getting tired. He regrets what he said to Eddie so much and he just wants to see his boyfriend again and go back to work. But instead he’s alone with a stupid aching pain on his leg.
Buck would love to say that time flies by when you’re alone. But then he’d be lying out of his ass. It was three in the morning and he was laying flat on his stomach on his bed, trying to gain the courage to stand up and take a shower. A knock at the front door pulled his attention, his head turning to look at the staircase.
“This might be the death of me.” Buck murmurs to himself, forcing himself to stand up and wincing in pain the entire way to the stairs.
The first step was so painful he almost went flying down the staircase, the pain so unbearable it was as if the truck was crushing his leg all over again. God, he really needs to take some meds.
“I’ll be right there!” He yelled from his spot on the stairs but he made no effort to move. “Or maybe not.” He said to himself.
It didn’t take long for his phone to start ringing, but he left it on his bed and he wasn’t about to make the whole effort of going back to check who it was. He could only hope it wasn’t Christopher and that he was okay.
While his phone rang loudly behind him, whoever was at the door knocked incessantly, probably hearing his ringtone and thinking he’s ignoring them on purpose.
“Just a second!” He screams and takes a deep breath.
When he takes another step, the pain is so strong that he can’t hold back the sob that was lodged in his throat. He doesn’t even notice the knocks cease, bending down in his spot and hugging his legs, tears rolling uncontrollably down his face.
“Buck?”
Buck quickly raises his head and looks at the end of the staircase. He knows the voice behind the shut door. He knew he wasn’t going to stop crying anytime soon, more sobs coming up his throat. Too many emotions were going through his head right now and at the end of it all, all he wanted was a hug.
“Eddie, help.” He was able to say, his words coming out between sobs.
He could hear the door handle shift, Eddie using his keys to walk in, looking around clearly looking for him. As soon as Eddie’s eyes land on his, Buck cries stronger, as Eddie immediately turns to him and sits right next to him on the staircase.
“What’s wrong?” Eddie asks, but Buck doesn’t reply, not having the strength to stop his cries so he can speak. His face is shoved in between his knees, not wanting to look at Eddie. “Buck, I need you to answer me.”
“I’m in so much pain, Eds. My leg is acting up so bad and I was just waiting for the rain outside to stop, and maybe it would go away, but it hasn’t.” Buck explains, his voice sounding uneven. “And then there’s you and everything is just a complete mess.” He continues.
“Buck, look at me. Please.” Eddie says, lightly tapping one of Buck’s hands with his fingers, trying to get his attention. “Just for a second.”
“You’re not even supposed to be here.”
“Well, I’m here now. So could you please look at me?” Eddie asks, and Buck tries really hard to ignore the tingling feeling he got. Eddie was always there for Buck.
After a while, Buck was able to regain the rhythm of his normal breathing, and he slowly looked up from the hiding place he had created between his knees. His cheeks had a rosy color to them, and his nose was bright red.
“Hi.” Eddie says, a smile on his face when Buck lets out a weak laugh.
“Hi.” Buck replies, sitting still as Eddie wipes the tears on his face for him.
“What can I do to make you feel better?” Eddie asks, placing his hand on Buck’s back for reassurance.
With Eddie sitting right next to him, Buck could clearly see the concern written all over his face. He also had dark circles under his eyes, matching with Buck’s, if not worse. It’s also only now that Buck realizes Eddie’s hair is wet. Right, it’s raining.
“You came here in the rain.” Buck mumbled.
“Buck, what do you need me to do?” Eddie asks, ignoring Buck’s comment instead.
“I really need to take something for the pain, I can’t handle going down there though.” Buck says, pointing at the cabinet where he stores his pain meds. “I also really want to take a shower and I’m just so tired. Everything is stressing me out all at once.” He confesses.
“Hey, hey. Everything is going to be fine, okay? You’re frustrated right now.” Eddie says, and Buck just smiles at him softly. “I’ll help you. You go take a shower and I’ll get your pills and I’ll warm up a heat pad for your leg.”
Eddie quickly stands up, extending his hand out for Buck to take. The two slowly make their way back up, heading to the bathroom. Eddie leaves him there with a comforting smile before heading back down to get the things he said he would.
Buck takes the chance to look at himself in the mirror, his cheeks flushed red and eyes incredibly puffy. He slowly removes his clothes and takes a quick shower, taking full advantage of the seat Eddie had installed in his shower after the crush injury. Eddie’s back upstairs once he’s done, handing him some clothes and then sitting on his bed to wait for him.
When his eyes land on Eddie just sitting there, patiently waiting for him, he moves on instinct. Buck walks up to him and places an eager kiss on his lips, feeling Eddie kiss him back. It doesn’t take long for his brain to work again and to step away, embarrassment creeping up his body. He forgot they weren’t on talking terms.
“Thank you.” He decides to say, laying on his bed. This was the most relaxed he’d been for the past four days, almost as if he could breathe again.
“I should go. You need to rest that leg of yours.” Eddie says, standing up from his place on Buck’s bed. That’s got him sitting up again, panic creeping up on him.
“Wait, where are you going?” He asks.
“I’m going home.” Eddie answers, as if that’s not the obvious answer. Which to be fair it was.
“You didn’t tell me what you were here for.” Buck points out, and he can see Eddie sigh in defeat, but he doesn’t feel guilty at all. He needs Eddie to stay.
“Buck.”
“Please don’t go.” Buck says, the words coming out of his lips before he can stop them.
“Buck I-”
“I’m so sorry.” He immediately apologizes, clearly catching Eddie off guard if the wide eyes mean anything.
“I really don’t think you’re the one that should be apologizing.” Eddie says, and when Buck tries to speak he lifts his hand. “The other day, I should’ve fought harder for you to understand what I meant.”
“Eds, it’s fine.”
“It’s not. Buck, I don’t want you to ever feel like that again. I don’t want you to ever doubt your position in Christopher's life. You are his dad, in every way possible. And your opinion matters a lot to me.” Eddie explains, Buck staying silent to hear him. “I never wanted you to feel like you weren’t his parent. I’m so sorry, it will never happen again.”
“Can you tell me what really happened?” Buck asks, and Eddie nods.
“You know me, Buck. I hate the idea of letting Chris do something alone. It’s like something ignites in me, the fear that literally anything could happen. I mean it took me forever to let him go to the park alone, and let it be known that I still don’t like it.” Eddie explains, and Buck can only softly smile at him. “I should’ve just explained that to you, not gone behind your back.”
“Look, if you don’t feel safe with the idea of Chris going camping, I understand. That’s not a problem for me and it’s your decision. And I know that if it was the other way around, and I was the one not feeling safe about it, you wouldn’t let Chris go either. So I’ll stand by you with this.” Buck clarifies, feeling Eddie’s eyes burn on the side of his head.
“I’m sorry, Buck. Really.” Eddie says, and it sounds like a plea.
“I forgive you, Eddie.” He says, taking Eddie’s hands in his, interlocking their fingers. “And I’m so sorry for calling you a traitor and a liar.”
“It’s okay. You had reason to. And I promise to never give you a reason to call me that.” Eddie says, and Buck feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulder.
“What do we do now?” Buck asks, fidgeting with Eddie’s hand.
“Well, now we are going to sleep for the rest of the night.” Eddie says, climbing into bed and wrapping his arm around Buck’s waist, pulling him in closer. “And tomorrow, we’ll go and pick up Chris together.”
They lay together for a long time, in a comfortable silence as they simply enjoy being in each others presence again for the first time in days. Buck is almost sure Eddie’s asleep when an idea pops into his head.
“You awake?” He whispers, the only other noise being the sounds of heavy rain coming from outside. He hears a mumble and takes that as an answer to continue. “What if we go with them?”
That seems to get Eddie’s attention, his head lifting from Buck’s neck and looking straight at him.
“What?”
“We could talk to Chris, give him the option of us going with them.” Buck suggests, nervous that he might be overstepping.
The silence only makes him more nervous, but that doesn’t last long before Eddie places a soft kiss on Buck’s lips.
“I love you, I hope you know that.” Eddie confesses, and Buck melts under his gaze.
“I love you too, Eds.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Eddie says, and Buck really wants to personally thank the sun, the sunset making Eddie’s brown eyes glow in front of him.
“Well, you will never have to find out.” Buck decides to say, blushing under the strong gaze.
Eddie just smiles softly before shoving his head back into Buck’s neck, taking a deep breath and cuddling into him. Buck could stay in this position for the rest of his life, having the love of his life huddled up in his arms, life suddenly feeling a lot easier again.
The two slowly drift off to the sound coming from outside, their love suddenly feeling just as strong as the heavy rain.