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Nothing and everything has changed.
Eddie is in love with Buck and the world spins on. They go to work and fight fires and pry sobbing people from destroyed cars. Sometimes, they return to Eddie’s place to have pizza and beer and watch famous movies that Buck has never seen. Other times, they go to Buck’s loft and he cooks them dinner and they take cooking shows way too seriously.
Eddie texts Chris and gets short responses. Buck texts Chris and receives whole paragraphs. Sometimes even an, “I miss you.”
Eddie plays basketball with the other LAFD guys and girls. They workout together, even on their days off. Once a month, the whole crew gets together at Karen and Hen’s for a cookout. Eddie buys cookies from the store on his way and Buck brings a whole lasagna.
They bicker and rib each other. They laugh at stupid jokes and team up against Chim except when Eddie and Chim team up against Buck.
Nothing has changed.
Except there is such light now. It radiates from Buck and gets stuck in Eddie’s eyes so it lingers even when Buck’s not around. Everything is more beautiful because he is in love with Buck and the world didn’t end.
He can’t stop watching him. He’s so pretty it hurts, so beautiful he can’t bring himself to look away. Buck’s smile is warm enough to outshine the sun.
Because he’s letting himself look he catches Buck looking back. He thinks there’s something like confused longing in his eyes. Like hope. Is he hoping that Eddie feels the same as him? Or is Eddie just projecting? It’s hard to tell when he wants this so bad it feels like it’s changed his entire genetic makeup.
He needs an unbiased outside opinion from someone who will understand.
Which is how he finds himself at Karen and Hen’s front door.
He knows that Hen is on shift today and that he isn’t. He’s just hoping that Karen is home.
She answers on his second knock, eyebrows raised nearly to her hairline. “Eddie? Is everything okay?”
Eddie smiles nervously, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “Yeah, everything’s fine! I just… could use some advice. If you’re up for it.”
She blinks a few times, processing this information, and then seems to understand all at once. “Oh! Yes, yes, come in!”
Karen leads him to the kitchen and starts making a pot of coffee without asking. Eddie would have said yes anyway, so he doesn’t mind. She keeps glancing at him as she preps the coffee grounds. Eddie’s not sure what to say. He keeps rubbing his palms up and down his jeans until they go numb and tingly.
“So, I’ve gotta admit, this is a little out of the ordinary. Don’t you usually go to Buck or Bobby for advice?”
Eddie shrugs, switching to fiddle with his St. Christopher medallion. “Well, I don’t know if Bobby will understand this type of issue. And... and Buck is kind of what I need advice about.”
Karen drops the carton of creamer she’s holding. Luckily, the lid is still on so it doesn’t make a huge mess but Karen scrambles to grab it like it might suddenly explode and throw creamer everywhere. She sets it back on the counter, slumping next to it, and presses a palm over her heart.
“Oh my god, it’s happening,” she breathes, staring at Eddie without really seeing him.
Eddie blinks back at her. “What?”
Karen shakes her head as though clearing fog from her mind and whirls away to finish making the coffee. Two minutes later, Eddie is clutching a steaming mug and Karen is staring him down apprehensively from the other side of the bar.
“Ignore what I said earlier,” she insists. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Eddie’s not entirely sure he wants to ignore what she said earlier but Karen looks a little frantic so he decides not to press. He shifts in his seat, taking a long sip of his coffee to stall, and considers how he wants to approach this.
“I’m in love with Buck.”
Well, he was going for more of a dramatic build to the point but blurting it out works too.
Karen looks like she’s trying very hard not to smile. She presses a hand over her mouth and closes her eyes. Eddie feels like he’s missing something.
Finally, Karen lets her hand drop, takes a deep breath, and asks, “Okay... and when did you figure this out?”
Eddie frowns. “I feel like you should be more surprised.”
“Oh, I’m very surprised. Very surprised.” Karen is nodding emphatically but she won’t look at him.
Karen is a bad liar. Eddie’s not sure he ever knew this about her but he files this information away for later consideration. He sets his coffee down and leans back on his barstool with his arms crossed. Karen stares at him like a deer caught in headlights.
“So, what’s the betting pool look like?” he asks.
Karen slumps, defeated. “Hen and I could win two hundred dollars, depending on how you answer my question.”
Eddie groans, scrubbing at his face with both hands. He should probably be shocked that everyone else could see what he was blind to long before he’d finally confronted the truth. The 118 are a family, though. Sometimes, they know him better than he knows himself. This is pretty par for the course.
“And when did you all start taking bets?”
Karen is silent for so long that Eddie has to drop his hands to scrutinize her expression. She still looks like a deer caught in headlights. Like getting hit by the car is inevitable.
“Tell me, Karen,” he demands.
She closes her eyes. If Eddie didn’t know better, he would have thought she was sending up a silent prayer. When she opens her eyes, she says, “We started taking bets on Buck a few weeks after the well incident.”
What?
“ What? ” he practically shrieks. “Karen, that was years ago!”
Karen sighs and brings her coffee around to sit on the stool next to him, twisting to face him. “I know. But even before you came along, Buck would make these little remarks to Hen that are pretty common signs in the queer community that you might be repressing queerness. We already assumed he was somewhere on the spectrum.
“Hen thought his reaction to you when you first got hired may have been attraction misidentified as jealousy.”
Eddie shakes his head furiously. “No, Buck was worried I would replace him.”
“Sure,” Karen says, shrugging. “That was probably part of it. But he never went to the rest of the team for reassurance or comfort. He was never trying to prove his value to them. He was trying to prove it to you. And then the well happened and we were a little more sure.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Eddie says, waving his hands as though to slow oncoming traffic. “What happened at the well that made you so sure Buck had feelings for me?”
Karen tilts her head at him, frowning. “Didn’t you and Buck talk about it?”
Eddie narrows his eyes. “No... we don’t really talk about that kind of stuff.”
“What kind of stuff?” Karen demands. She’s starting to sound a little frantic again. “Are you talking about your near-death experiences?”
Eddie shrugs and nods at the same time. Karen straightens, setting her coffee down, and takes her turn flagging down oncoming traffic.
“Hold on... the truck crushing Buck’s leg?”
Eddie considers this. “I mean... I came to his house to tell him to stop moping around. I gave him Chris to give him something else to focus on. And then they ended up stranded in the tsunami...”
“But did you talk about how he was feeling about it? About how you were feeling?”
Eddie frowns. “No.”
“But after the tsunami?”
“I mean, we talked about Chris. Sometimes, he would FaceTime late at night and ask to see Chris to make sure he was okay. I knew he was having nightmares so I told him to come stay at the house whenever he needed to. He slept on our couch a lot for a few months. But we didn’t talk about his feelings. Definitely not mine. I didn’t almost die.”
“Okay, fine. So, you didn’t talk about the well. But did you talk after you were shot?”
“Oh, we talked about that one,” Eddie says eagerly, excited to feel like he’s answering correctly for once. “He said some stupid shit about how it would have been better if he was shot. That’s when I decided to tell him that I left Christopher to him in my will.”
Karen makes a distressed noise in the back of her throat and gets up to pace the kitchen. Eddie watches her do little laps in front of the sink with a feeling of deep-seated unease. He knew he was stupid for missing this for so long but she’s making him feel truly mentally impaired here.
“This is insane. If we had known this, we would have bet on you much sooner,” Karen mutters to herself.
“What does that mean?” he asks helplessly.
Karen stops to point at him, a sharp look in her dark eyes. “Oh, no, buddy. We are not done with this part of the conversation yet. Did you talk after the lightning strike?”
Eddie sighs. “Yes, of course. Buck had a lot to process. He was actually dead that time.”
“But what about how you were feeling?”
Eddie scoffs. “I wasn’t the one who died.”
“But the man you were in love with did! And you had to watch!”
Eddie pauses to process this. He never really let himself dwell too long on how he felt about the lightning incident. Sure, he had a lot of nightmares. He got a bit twitchy whenever Buck was out of his sight for too long. He still sort of flinches every time he hears a particularly loud burst of thunder.
Oh.
“Okay, maybe we should have talked about it,” Eddie admits. “But, in my defense, I didn’t realize I was in love with him yet.”
Finally, Karen sits back down. “So, when did you know?”
“Wait,” Eddie says and holds a hand up to stop her there. “I still want to know what happened at the well that made you and Hen certain about his feelings.”
Karen presses her lips together, tapping a restless rhythm against the countertop. “I don’t know if it’s my place to say.”
“Too late for that. Spill.”
Karen sighs. “All right, fine. Hen said he was screaming and clawing at the mud when the well collapsed, yelling your name at the top of his lungs. Bobby had to pull him away. He was personally offended at the mere suggestion that you might have been beyond saving.”
Eddie sits back in his seat and tries to imagine it. It’s not particularly hard. Not after he saw the look on Buck’s face all those weeks ago at the mere memory of Eddie disappearing beneath the mud. But picturing it makes his stomach churn painfully. He can only shake his head, rubbing at his temples with two fingers.
He needs to talk about something else.
“Okay... but you said you were only betting on Buck at that point?”
Karen nods. “We were all pretty sure you were straight for a while. You keep your emotions on a tight leash most of the time, so it was harder to tell where you were at with the whole thing. We didn’t include you in the bet until much later.”
“And when was that?”
“After you broke up with Ana.”
Eddie’s not sure why that takes him by surprise but it does. “Why did that tip you off?”
“Hen started to suspect you might reciprocate Buck’s feelings when Ana mentioned that Buck was the first thing you asked for after you finally woke up. I wasn’t totally on board. I mean, Buck was the last thing you saw, after all. But then you broke up with Ana.
“She was beautiful, kind, smart, came from a similar background, understood your line of work, and most of all, Chris adored her. She ticked all the boxes. What was there about her not to love unless you simply weren’t that attracted to women?”
Yeah... Eddie supposes that should have been his tip off too. He’d spent weeks leading up to the breakup wondering what was wrong with him, confused as to why he couldn’t make himself feel something more for Ana. He’d thought it had something to do with Shannon at the time but he knows better now.
“Okay, your turn,” Karen says, nudging his shoulder. “Tell me when you finally figured it out for yourself.”
Eddie hopes this doesn’t lose Hen and Karen two hundred dollars. “The same day Buck and Tommy broke up.”
For a long moment, Karen only stares. “Eddie... that was almost two months ago.”
“I know.”
“Why are you just now coming to talk about it!? Why haven’t you said anything to him? ”
“Because I wasn’t as sure about his feelings for me as you guys seemed to be!” Eddie shouts, throwing his hands up. “At least, not until this conversation!”
Karen rolls her eyes. “You have to be an idiot not to see it, Eddie Diaz.”
“Yes, I’m aware .”
“Well, what made you finally see it?”
Eddie considers how to answer. “The rain.”
Karen stares again. “The rain?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, basically.”
Karen waves a dismissive hand at him. “Okay, whatever. It wasn’t a near-death experience so Chim doesn’t win. That’s all that matters.”
“Doesn’t sound like you win either," Eddie says, trying to smother his smile.
Karen shoots him a withering look. “There are three separate pools. One for when you figure it out, one for when Buck figures it out, and one for when the two of you finally get together. Hen and I thought you wouldn’t figure it out until Buck told you how he felt.”
Eddie can’t even be offended. That’s a pretty good guess.
“When did you bet on us getting together?”
“I can’t tell you that. It might skew the results.”
Eddie laughs even as he drops his head into his hands. “Honestly, I could use the guidance on how to do this.”
Karen reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. “You’ll figure it out. I’m assuming you came here because you weren’t sure of Buck’s feelings?”
Eddie nods without looking up.
“Well, now you know the answer. You’re the only one fool enough not to see what was right in front of you the whole time. Now all that’s left is to tell him.”
Eddie lets out a noisy breath, shaking his head. “It’s not that simple, Karen. I still have a lot to figure out.”
“Like what?” she asks, tilting her head again.
“Like Christopher.”
“Christopher doesn’t have to be home for you to take this next step. And Buck is already like a second father to him.”
“Yeah... he probably doesn’t trust me not to fuck it up like I have with every other relationship. If he doesn’t want me to risk losing Buck, then I won’t. I... I need his blessing.”
Karen squeezes his hand this time, offering him a warm, encouraging smile. “I think letting Chris know before you jump into this new commitment is a good idea. But I also think that if you keep denying yourself joy like this, even for Chris’ sake, the two of you are only going to keep being miserable.”
Eddie looks away, holding his breath as though that will hold the tears back. It’s eerily similar to the advice the priest gave him that led him to shave his mustache a few days after Buck and Tommy broke up.
It’s like the universe is screaming at you and you refuse to listen.
Eddie can’t help but laugh, though the sound is bordering on hysterical. In his own silly way, Buck was trying to lead him to the answer all along. He’d told Buck then that he didn’t believe the universe screams. Now it feels like he’s eating those words.
“I’ll call Chris tonight,” Eddie says because that’s all he’s capable of conceding right now.
“Good,” Karen says, smiling as she pats his knee. “And you make sure to text me the moment you and Buck make things official.”
Eddie texts Chris as soon as he gets home.
Chris, please call me. It’s important.
He connects his phone to the charger on the kitchen counter and gets to work on the dishes he’s been putting off just to have something to do with his hands. He expects it to take a while for Chris to call - if he calls at all - but he’s only washed two dishes when the phone starts ringing.
Cursing, he drops the plate he was scrubbing and scrambles for the dish towel. His hands are still mostly wet when he grabs his phone, so the screen becomes dotted with little droplets of water. He ignores them in his rush to answer the call.
“Chris,” he says breathlessly. He feels like his chest is caving in on his heart every time they speak but he feels it now more than ever.
“Dad, what’s wrong? Is it Buck?”
Eddie swallows a curse. He probably should have clarified that in his message. “Oh gosh, no. Sorry, bud. Everyone is okay.”
Chris’ sigh of relief is so heavy that it registers over the phone. “Then what do you want?”
Eddie cringes. He tries to remind himself that Chris is not just a teenager with an attitude but also a teenager in pain. A pain that he caused. His instinct is to snap at Chris to watch his tone but he pushes that down. It won’t help anything.
“Listen, buddy. I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. I don’t expect you to forgive me and that’s not what I’m calling about. But... well, things are changing a little. With me. And I’m about to change things a lot more but I don’t want to do that without your blessing. Or... or without letting you know. Because it's big and I already-”
“Dad!” Chris yells, cutting him off. Eddie wonders if that’s the first time Chris has tried to get his attention. “It’s fine, just spit it out.”
Eddie sinks to the kitchen floor, his back against the cupboards. He draws his knees to this chest and rests his chin there, closing his eyes.
“I think I might be in love with Buck.”
The silence that stretches between them is loud and suffocating. Eddie feels like he’s choking on it. He scrambles to fill it. “Well, I don’t think. I know I do. And I haven’t told him that yet. I’ve only told one other person. But everyone at the firehouse seems to think it was obvious for years.”
“Wow,” Chris says at last. “I thought you’d never figure that out.”
Eddie straightens, pulling his phone from his ear to frown at it. No, that’s definitely Chris’ contact. Maybe he’s talking to a clone or an alien or a podperson.
“What?” he says. That’s all he’s got really.
Chris huffs. “If it was obvious to the people you work with then it’s definitely obvious to the guy who lives with you.”
Eddie rubs his eyes. He supposes that’s fair.
“Okay, great. That’s awesome, I guess. How... how do you feel about that?”
He can almost hear the shrug in Chris’ voice. “Buck is my dad. I’m just waiting on you guys to make it official.”
Eddie hadn’t realized he was about to cry until the tears started trickling down his face. He lets out a humorless, helpless laugh and swipes at his face. He would very, very much like to hug his son right now.
“That’s great to hear, bud,” he says, silently cursing the tears that clog his voice. “I think I’ll be getting around to that sooner rather than later.”
“Good,” Chris mutters.
“Good,” Eddie echoes.
Neither of them disconnects the line. They simply sit together, listening to each other breathe. Eddie closes his eyes and imagines Chris is sitting on the linoleum next to him, his head leaning against Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie tilts sideways, imagining that he can rest his cheek on Chris’ curls.
“Dad?” Chris whispers after a while.
“Yeah?” Eddie whispers back.
They used to do this when Chris would crawl into his bed after a nightmare. The dark felt too big and fragile to talk normally, so they would whisper back and forth until they were both giggling, the pain and fear forgotten for a moment.
“Can I come home after the school year is over?”
Eddie has to swallow three times before he can speak. “Yeah, bud. I would love that.”
“And Buck will come with you?”
“I’m sure he would love to. I’ll ask Bobby to get us both off work.”
“Okay...” A pause. “And he’ll stay with us after right?”
“If that’s what he wants.”
“I think that’s what he wants, Dad.”
“Yeah,” Eddie agrees, even softer than before. “I think so too.”
There’s another long pause. Eddie never wants this conversation to end but he knows it's almost dinner time in Texas. Helena will come looking for Chris soon. The last time she found out Eddie called Chris without her present, she threw a whole fit. He doesn’t really want that but he can’t bring himself to say goodbye.
“I love you, Christopher,” he says.
A silence so profound Eddie can hear his heart fracturing.
“Love you, Dad.”
The line disconnects.
Eddie lets the phone drop. He curls on his side on the kitchen floor, his head resting on the green rug with the dinosaur feet that Buck and Chris picked out together three years ago. It’s probably disgusting but Eddie can’t think of a better place to finally let himself cry this out.
He doesn’t tell Buck right away.
At the next cookout, Bobby and Athena have finally finished building the new home, so they get to host again. Everyone brings housewarming gifts. Eddie tries to actually bake cookies and ends up almost setting the kitchen on fire. He buys pastries from a bakery that Buck likes instead.
Karen corners him within the first five minutes.
“What are you waiting for?” she hisses under her breath, poking him in the shoulder hard enough to hurt.
Eddie leans away, batting at her hand. “I’m waiting for the right time!”
“Edmundo Diaz.”
“Not like that,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Buck is a hopeless romantic. He wants to be wooed and courted. He deserves a romantic declaration. Not a random conversation on my couch after pizza and a movie.”
Eddie’s face feels like it's on fire by the time he’s done talking. Mostly because Karen is grinning at him like he’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. It’s the right thing to say, though, because she lets it go with one final warning.
“Just don’t wait too long, Diaz.”
But Eddie can’t figure out what he wants to do. He comes up with a hundred plans but none of them feel quite right. None of it feels like it fits them. He’s worried that if he doesn’t do this just right it will feel like a performance and Buck will reject him outright. He’s afraid he’ll never figure it out.
And then he wakes up one morning to the sound of rain. He rolls toward his clock; it’s six in the morning. He props himself up on one elbow and reaches for his phone to check the weather. It’s going to rain for the next few hours but it’s supposed to stop around noon.
It’s Buck’s day off too. Bobby still has a habit of giving them the same days off since he’s been reinstated as captain.
Eddie knows what he wants to do.
He throws the covers off and changes quickly into jeans, his favorite henley, and thick socks. He stuffs his feet into his best pair of boots and shrugs into his raincoat on his way out the door.
Buck doesn’t answer the door when he knocks but Eddie figures he’s still asleep. Buck is a morning person but sometimes he indulges on his days off to sleep in. Not a problem. Eddie selects Buck’s key from his keyring and lets himself inside.
Buck is burrowed beneath his comforter so that only his head is visible. He’s faced away from his window, toward the stairs, so Eddie gets a full view of his face. Buck has this adorable habit of pouting in his sleep.
God, Eddie wants to kiss him and stroke the curls back from his forehead.
Not yet, Diaz. Keep it together.
He crouches by Buck’s head, shaking his shoulder as gently as he can manage. “Buck,” he murmurs. “Wake up, bud.”
Buck inhales sharply, his eyes fluttering open about halfway. His brows draw together. “Eddie?” he slurs.
Eddie smiles. He knows he probably looks like a besotted, lovesick fool but he couldn’t care less. “Yeah, it’s me. Rise and shine.”
One of Buck’s hands emerges from the covers to rub at his eyes. He rolls on his back to glance at his clock on the other side of the bed.
“It’s so early,” Buck mumbles, turning back to Eddie. “Is everything okay?”
Eddie smiles. It is taking all of his strength not to kick his shoes off and crawl into bed with Buck. He just looks so warm and cozy, and the weather is perfect for a lazy day in bed. He remembers thinking Tommy was crazy for not rolling in the sheets all day with Buck on the last rainy day like this.
We’re not there yet. Stick to the plan.
“Yeah, Buck, everything’s fine. But I have time-sensitive plans for us, so up and at ‘em.”
Buck yawns as he pushes himself upright, still scrubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Did you tell me about these plans before today?”
“Nope.”
Buck is a little more awake when he shoots Eddie a skeptical look. Eddie only grins and hops to his feet, crossing to Buck’s closest. There’s something very satisfying about sifting through his clothes, picking out what he wants to see Buck in.
He picks out a good pair of jeans, a long-sleeved shirt in a shade of blue that compliments Buck’s eyes, and his warmest pair of socks.
“You’ll want your boots.”
Buck blinks at the pile of clothes now occupying the foot of his bed. A slow flush of pale red spreads across his cheeks. Eddie wonders if that flush spreads all the way down his chest. Hopefully, after today, he’ll get to figure it out.
“Okay...” Buck says slowly, throwing his covers off his legs.
He’s only wearing boxers and an oversized t-shirt. It slides over one collarbone as he clambers out of bed. Eddie wants to bite him right where the skin is now exposed.
Is this what attraction was supposed to feel like the whole time? An overwhelming urge to look and touch and taste? He feels like he’s gone insane or perhaps feral. He has to tell Buck how he feels so they can get to the part where Eddie keeps him in bed for three days straight.
He forces himself to perch on the edge of Buck’s bed while he gets dressed. When he hears Buck finish brushing his teeth, he calls out, “Don’t bother putting any product in your hair.”
Buck leans around the door jam to frown at him. “Are we going for a hike in this weather?”
Eddie shakes his head. “Stop asking questions and finish getting ready.”
Buck rolls his eyes but does as he’s told.
Ten minutes later, they’re on the road. Eddie is driving for once but only because Buck doesn’t know where they’re going. Buck sits in the passenger seat with his raincoat over his lap, drinking coffee and munching on a chocolate croissant. It’s a struggle for Eddie to keep his eyes on the road.
Buck has just finished his breakfast when they pull into the parking lot. Buck sits forward, frowning.
“This is the park,” he says, glancing at Eddie.
“You said all your worst memories are in the rain, right?”
Buck blinks at him like he hadn’t expected Eddie to remember that detail. “Uh... yeah? Right.”
“So, let’s make some good ones.”
For a moment, they’re locked in each other’s stares. Buck looks overwhelmed. Eddie wants to kiss him so, so bad. The only way he can keep himself from caving to his urges is to shove the door open and step out into the rain.
Buck follows him into the downpour, shrugging his raincoat on and turning the hood up over his curls. They meet in front of the truck and Eddie smiles at him, offering his hand. Buck looks down at it, startled, but he only hesitates a moment before he takes it. Eddie laces their fingers together and hauls him out into the field.
Eddie drags him underneath one of the massive trees out in the open. It hasn’t been raining long but it doesn’t take much in California for the rain to puddle up. There’s a small lake in the middle of the field already.
“Eddie, what are we going to do out here?” Buck calls over the sound of the rain.
Eddie holds up a finger to tell him to wait, releasing his hand. He sends up a silent prayer of thanks for the deep pockets in his raincoat as he pulls out the portable speaker. He takes a moment setting it up in the crook where one of the lower branches meets the trunk of the tree. Once everything’s balanced, he turns it on and connects his speaker.
He selects their shared playlist on Spotify of all their favorite songs that they made to listen to while they cook or during long, slow shifts at work or long car rides. They’re both always adding to it as they find new songs they like. Eddie likes being able to keep up with Buck’s ever-shifting taste.
Thankfully, when he clicks shuffle it starts with an upbeat pop song with lots of synth that Eddie would usually skip if he listened to the playlist without Buck.
When Eddie turns back to Buck, he’s still frowning in confusion. Eddie grins, closing some of the space between them to take Buck’s hand again.
“I’m going to teach you how to dance,” he says.
Buck flushes. “That doesn’t sound like a good memory, Eds.”
“Nonsense,” Eddie says, dragging him toward the small lake.
Buck hunches a little as they step more fully into the deluge. Eddie squeezes his hand, using his phone to increase the volume on the portable speaker.
“It’s easy,” Eddie promises, turning to face him once he feels they’re far enough out. “You just have to relax and trust that your body can follow the music.”
Buck shakes his head, glancing toward the sky. “Easier said than done.”
Eddie presses his palm to Buck’s cheek, making him look down at Eddie in surprise. Eddie offers him a warm smile. “Just keep your eyes on me, okay? You know I’ve got you.”
Buck nods, wide-eyed and enraptured. “Okay,” he whispers.
He moves his hands to Buck’s hips and relishes the way it makes him shiver. “It all starts here,” Eddie tells him. “Keep it loose and fluid.”
Eddie rotates his own hips to the beat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. As he does, he presses on Buck’s hips, encouraging him to follow along. To Buck’s credit, he tries his best, but he’s still tense and obviously not used to moving this way. The crease in his brow is the opposite of what Eddie wants to see. He’s listening to Eddie’s instructions but can’t figure out how to apply them.
It all comes down to his tension.
“Hm,” Eddie says, tapping his chin as he thinks. “We’ve got to figure out how to get you to relax.”
“You may have to let that dream die, Eds.”
“No, I refuse,” Eddie says, backing up a few steps. Buck takes a step as though to follow him but jolts when Eddie kicks water at him.
“Eddie!” he shouts, stumbling back.
Eddie grins and splashes him again. At first, he’s worried that maybe he’s pushed things too far but a slow, wicked smile spreads across Buck’s face. His eyes begin to glint with the thrill of competition. If there’s one thing about Buck, he’s competitive to a fault.
Eddie is expecting it when Buck kicks water back at him but Buck is still too quick for him to dodge. He doesn’t mind, though. This is kind of the point. He kicks back again but he’s twisting before the water has even hit Buck, darting away to avoid retaliation.
“Oh, you asked for it, Diaz!” Buck calls after him.
And then it’s all-out war.
They spend several songs chasing each other through the water, splashing, laughing, and cursing each other out. Eddie may be faster than Buck but not by much; they’re both equally as drenched within minutes.
Eventually, Buck loses his patience and practically tackles Eddie, grabbing him by the arm and dragging them both down into the rain. Buck recovers from their sudden confrontation with the ground first, scooping handfuls of puddle water into his hand and splashing them into Eddie’s face over and over.
Eddie splutters, reaching out blindly until he finds Buck’s shirt. He curls his fingers there and shoves, rolling them both until he’s got Buck pinned on his back.
Buck thrashes through his laughter, trying to dislodge Eddie, but Eddie holds on for dear life.
“Enough, enough!” he shouts over their combined laughter.
Slowly, Buck stops resisting. When the fight goes out of him, Buck seems to realize their position. His smile fades into wide-eyed surprise, panting for breath. Eddie loves this look on him. His lips are such a pretty, dusky pink.
“I think you’re relaxed enough now, yeah?”
Buck blinks rapidly. “Um. Yes, yeah. I think I’m good.”
Eddie climbs to his feet, hauling Buck after him. For the first time since their fight started, Eddie notices the music again. It’s something slow and sultry and romantic. This time, he positions himself behind Buck, hands still on his hips. He indulges himself under the guise of guidance and presses his hips in close to Buck’s.
“Feel how I move,” he murmurs next to Buck’s ear. Buck shudders beneath his touch, nodding.
When Eddie rolls his right hip out, Buck follows perfectly.
“Beautiful,” he praises, moving Buck through the next roll of his hip.
In no time at all, they’re moving perfectly in sync, just the way they do during a call. Eddie slides out from behind Buck, taking his hand, and teaches him how to dance like he would have with Shannon back at a bar in El Paso. It takes another song for Buck to get the hang of the fluid movements that Eddie guides him through but he starts to smile when he gets it.
By the time Buck starts to get really comfortable, one of Eddie’s songs comes on. It’s a Latin song that his mother loves, a much faster pace than the others. Buck is clumsy as they pick up the pace but instead of looking frustrated, he laughs and lets Eddie take the lead.
He is so beautiful with his head tipped back into the rain and a smile on his face that Eddie feels it must be illegal. Eddie twirls him to end the song just because he can and Buck is really laughing as he falls into Eddie’s chest. Great gasping laughs, his face hidden in Eddie’s neck.
There’s a lull of silence after the song ends and then the vibe takes an abrupt change.
After Buck came out, he made a point of listening to queer artists and added a lot of the songs to their shared playlist. So, it’s no surprise that a Frank Ocean song comes on.
“Oh,” Buck says, picking up his head. “I love this song.”
It’s perfect. Exactly what Eddie needed.
He moves Buck’s hands to his shoulders and places his own on Buck’s hips. They just sway together through the rain and the slow, steady rhythm. Buck’s cheeks are bright red, his eyes wide and confused again. Eddie understands the look now; a fearful, timid hope. He wants to believe this means what it does but he’s afraid to get his hopes up.
“Buck,” Eddie says, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. “I know this might be sudden and I don’t expect you to respond right now. But I just want you to know... I’ve finally figured it out.”
Buck closes his eyes. “Figured out what, Eddie?” he whispers.
Eddie stops swaying to hold Buck’s face in both hands. “That it’s you,” he whispers back. “That it’s always been you. Even when I was younger, there was a thread tugging me along, urging me forward even when I wanted to give up. And I finally figured out that the other end of that thread is tied to you.”
Buck finally opens his eyes. Eddie can’t tell if he’s crying or if that’s just rain on his face. “What are you saying?” he pleads. “Eddie, I need you to say it.”
“I’m in love with you, Evan. And I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out.”
Now, he knows Buck is crying. He chokes on a sob, dropping his head to rest their foreheads together, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “You know... you have to know that I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you.”
Eddie smiles, blinking through his own tears. “Yeah, baby. I know. And I’d really, really like to kiss you now if you’d let me.”
“Please,” Buck sobs.
When their lips meet, it’s to a lovely, wistful kind of song. Eddie doesn’t know this one very well but he decides it's his new favorite.
It starts out soft and unsure. Eddie has never kissed a man before and he’s not sure how it will be different. But the moment they touch, Eddie feels the electricity race all the way down his spine. The moment he decides it’s really not all that different at all and that it’s Buck so he doesn’t care anyway, something in him breaks.
He keeps his hands on Buck’s face and presses forward, biting at Buck’s lower lip until Buck gasps, letting him in. Buck tastes of coffee and chocolate and rain. It is the single most euphoric sensation he can ever remember. Buck whines as Eddie licks into his mouth, fingers tangling in the front of his shirt, and the sound ignites a fire deep in his stomach.
Eddie needs more, desperately. He needs skin to skin, heat to heat, heartbeat to heartbeat.
They absolutely cannot do that in a public park.
“Evan,” he pants, breaking the kiss to look him in the eye. “Please, tell me this means I get to keep you.” Buck barely has time to nod, lips parted to speak, before Eddie kisses him again. Buck’s moan is muffled against Eddie’s mouth as he sinks into him.
Eddie has to stop the kiss again before he’s ready otherwise he really will start stripping him in the middle of the rain. Instead, he redirects his attention to kiss Buck’s cheek.
“Tell me you’ll come home with me,” he says, voice rough and gravelly. He punctuates this with a kiss on the corner of Buck’s mouth.
Panting, Buck nods. “Yes, yes, please. I-”
“Tell me you’ll stay,” Eddie interrupts. “Forever.” This time, he kisses the corner of Buck’s eye. Buck only whimpers, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and nods.
“Tell me we’ll go get Chris together when school’s over.” He kisses the tip of Buck’s nose.
“Of course, of course.”
Eddie pulls back and waits until Buck opens his eyes. “Tell me we’ll wait a few months after Chris gets home and then you’ll marry me and sign the adoption papers for Chris and-”
“Eddie,” Buck sobs, hauling him back in for another bruising kiss. It takes another long moment for them to break apart again. “Eddie, Eddie,” Buck chants between little pecks, like he can't bear to stop.
“Buck,” Eddie mutters. And then Buck’s lips find his neck. “ Evan ,” he groans.
He gets a fist in the back of Buck’s curls and yanks, pulling his head back. He knows he probably looks crazy - pupils wide, lips swollen, cheeks flushed - but he can’t help it. Buck makes him crazy.
“If you do that here, we are both going to prison for public indecency.”
Buck flushes and shivers, licking his lips with wide eyes as he nods. “Yes, right, sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” Eddie says, kissing his forehead. He releases Buck’s hair to take his hand instead. “Let’s just go home and finish what we started.”
Buck shudders again and lets Eddie drag him away. Eddie nearly forgets his speaker in his desperation to get home and has to double back to grab it. Buck is still laughing at him when they get back to the truck so Eddie presses his back into the rear door and kisses him to shut him up.
He might have stayed there kissing Buck forever if he hadn’t heard the sound of the car door opening.
“Eddie,” Buck pants as he finally pulls away. He’s got the front passenger door open and is trying to inch toward it. “We gotta go home first.”
“Right,” Eddie says. He kisses Buck’s jaw and then rushes around to the driver’s seat.
Now that they’re out of the rain, their wet clothes are much more uncomfortable. Eddie cranks the heat and then grabs Buck’s hand as he reverses out of the parking lot.
Buck is twisted in his seat to face Eddie, leaning over the console like he can’t get close enough. Eddie appreciates it. If he weren’t driving he’d be attempting to burrow under Buck’s skin.
“You don’t think we’re moving too fast?” Buck asks.
Eddie glances briefly from the road to assess his expression. He doesn’t look particularly anxious or upset; in fact, there’s a little smile lingering at the corners of his mouth. Eddie smiles back, looking back to the road.
“Maybe if we just met each other. But we’ve been dancing around this for years. I think we’re entitled to skip a few steps.”
Buck hums, clearly pleased with this answer, and Eddie lifts his hand to brush a kiss over his knuckles. When he glances over, Buck's cheeks are bright red and he’s smiling wide, so Eddie does it again.
They’re silent for a few more minutes before Buck thinks of something else.
“We’ll have to tell Chris. Preferably before we go pick him up.”
Eddie’s smile takes on a sheepish quality. “I, uh… I already told him.”
Buck straightens. “You did?”
“Yeah, I called him about a week and a half ago to tell him how I was feeling and what I wanted to do. Turns out our kid’s pretty smart. He already knew.”
“Our kid…” Buck whispers.
Eddie kisses his hand again. “Yeah, Buck, our kid. You’ve done as much child-rearing as me at this point. He’s been yours for a while.”
Buck wipes furiously at his face. Eddie pretends not to notice.
“Okay, so how did he take it?” he asks once he’s got himself together.
“Really well,” Eddie says, beaming. “He told me he wants to come home once the school year is over. And he told me he loved me.”
“Eddie, that’s great!” Buck cheers. He leans further over the console to kiss Eddie’s cheek. They’re at a stop sign so Eddie takes the opportunity to turn his head, catching the kiss on his lips instead.
It’s just a peck because anything else will cause an accident.
They don’t talk much for the rest of the drive. Eddie manages to keep control of himself right up until they get to his front door. As he’s trying to find his key and get it in the lock, Buck drapes himself over Eddie’s back to kiss his neck.
Eddie shudders and the key finally slides into the lock. He turns, shoving the door open, and hauls Buck in for a kiss, walking them backward into the house. They’re a messy tangle as they try to kick their shoes off without breaking the kiss. Somehow, they get the door shut behind them but neither of them bothers with the lock.
They leave a trail of wet clothes all the way to the bathroom, stopping every few feet to keep kissing each other senseless. Eddie is finally able to tear himself away long enough to get the hot water going.
When he turns to grab the towels, Buck crowds into his space. He doesn’t go for Eddie’s lips, though. Instead, he dips low, using his nose to nudge at Eddie’s jaw until he tilts up, giving Buck access to his neck. Buck braces his hands on Eddie’s hips and bites.
Eddie groans, slumping against the wall. He gets a fist in Buck’s hair again but he can’t bring himself to pull Buck away. Buck releases his teeth from Eddie's skin and laves his tongue over the mark in apology. He sucks at the skin and Eddie sees stars. He’s never been so hard in his life.
“Buck,” he says, tugging at his hair. Buck ignores him to keep sucking at the mark. “ Evan .”
Buck jolts back. Eddie laughs, the sound low and husky, and presses his thumb into Buck’s kiss-swollen lower lip.
“Shower first, princess,” Eddie murmurs.
He’s not sure where the pet name comes from and he experiences a brief moment of anxiety that it will make Buck uncomfortable. But Buck just shivers. He looks absolutely blissed out as he nods.
Eddie makes a mental note of that reaction. He directs Buck into the shower and grabs the towels to hang them over the curtain before he follows Buck inside. Buck is waiting for him beneath the water, steam curling off of him as the hot water hits his cooler skin.
He gets a hand on the back of Eddie’s neck, pulling him beneath the water with him.
It takes them twice as long to shower as it should. Buck keeps distracting him with kisses and lingering touches. He insists on using his hands to scrub the body wash into Eddie’s skin and he insists on taking his time.
Eddie shivers as Buck massages both hands into his chest, running his thumbs over Eddie’s nipples. Eddie never considered himself to be sensitive there but heat flashes through him at Buck's touch.
Buck moves onto Eddie’s abs and arms after that. He crouches to massage the soap into Eddie’s legs. Eddie has to tip his head back and close his eyes, willing away the images of what he’d like Buck to do while he’s down there. Buck stands and Eddie thinks that’s the end of it until he feels Buck’s hands between his legs.
Eddie gasps, his eyes flying open. Buck is smirking when Eddie finally looks at him, circling his fingers around Eddie’s shaft and stroking him under the guise of soaping him up.
Eddie snarls and presses Buck back against the cold tile, pinning both of his arms above his head. Buck whimpers and goes immediately limp, tilting his head to offer his throat. Eddie takes the invitation and bites down at the juncture where Buck’s neck meets his shoulder. He’s pressed so close to Buck that their cocks rub together with every shift. Eddie sucks at Buck’s skin until they have twin marks, dark as midnight.
Somehow, he finds the strength to pull away. He makes Buck scrub himself down while Eddie washes his hair, otherwise they’ll never make it out of the shower before they run out of cold water.
They’ve both slowed down a bit when they finally make it out of the shower. Eddie feels more reverent as he runs the towel over Buck's pale skin, wiping away the excess water. He scrubs the towel through Buck’s hair and leaves it draped over his head when he’s finished, pausing to smile at Buck.
Buck grins back, leaning forward for another kiss. This one is slow and sweet. Eddie swipes the towel from his head, draping it over his neck instead, and uses the fabric to hold him close. He can feel Buck’s grin against his lips and his joy is the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted.
Buck breaks away to dry Eddie off with his own reverence. Eddie decides he’s dry enough and throws both of their towels in the hamper, dragging Buck back to his bedroom.
He closes his bedroom door out of habit before he pushes Buck back onto the bed.
They make love, slow and soft and desperate, to the sound of the rain. Eddie loses hours mapping out every freckle on every inch of Buck’s body. Buck is pliant and responsive beneath him, gasping and whining as he lets Eddie have his way with him.
Eddie presses adulation into Buck’s skin, worshiping his body the way he deserves.
When they’re both finally sated, Eddie pulls Buck onto his chest, using the pressure to feel more grounded in his body. Buck hums as he rubs his cheek against Eddie’s chest like a cat purring as it curls up on its owner. Eddie smiles and cards his fingers through Buck’s hair. It’s mostly dry now.
“How’s that for a better memory?”
Buck chuckles, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s chest. “It was perfect, Eddie. Thank you.”
Eddie cups his chin, tilting his head up so he can lean down to kiss him again. “No, Evan. Thank you. You are truly a gift.”
Buck flushes, dropping his head to burrow it in Eddie’s chest. Eddie draws the covers up around his ears and kisses the top of his head. Buck is asleep within minutes.
Eddie is about to nod off himself when he remembers he made a promise. He stretches to grab his phone, trying not to jostle Buck too much.
He’s too exhausted to try to find his private messages with Karen, so he just opens the 118 group chat since it’s at the top.
It’s official.
Eddie turns his phone off to the sound of a dozen texts coming in at once. For the first time in months, he falls asleep totally at peace.