Chapter Text
Buck was in hell.
You’d think that finding out he was bisexual would make things- easier? Clearer? The world was his oyster or whatever.
Okay, fine, the clarity of finally realizing what he was feeling for men was nice, freeing. Looking back on things, so many of them suddenly made sense – namely following Connor to LA from Peru. And a couple of other things. It brought him perspective.
He’d tried for a couple of relationships with men, but they fizzled out like his thing with Natalia had just before. Finding the right partner who matched him wasn’t easier with men, it seemed.
Whoever said that as a bisexual man, he’d have twice as many options – Eddie – was a liar and also naïve. It only got worse.
Until the night Bobby and Athena decided to re-enact Titanic in the most dramatic way possible. Buck did feel kind of bad about connecting so much joy with that night, but hey, nobody could blame him!
Not when Chimney introduced him to the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his life.
Buck saw him, and he thought that he couldn’t be real. Men like Tommy Kinard didn’t exist. He was tall, broad, had a kind smile and pretty eyes, looked like the textbook definition of handsome, had large and strong hands – Buck almost lost his breath when he shook his hand – he was a firefighter and a pilot, and he was also batshit insane, it seemed. At least enough to fly them into a hurricane.
Buck heard his voice, and he knew immediately that he needed to hear him say his name. He felt like his insides melted when Tommy said, “Nice to meet you, Evan,” with a soft smile, his words so genuine that Buck felt something rearrange inside of him.
What the hell was Buck supposed to do? Not fall ass over teakettle for the guy? Okay, they barely talked that night, and the words they exchanged were tense. But Buck got to watch Tommy work, got to watch him confidently stride across the hangar and bullshit his way into getting them off the ground, got to watch him guide them through a storm with steady hands.
And then he got to watch him and hear him make fake mouth static at the fire chief, and Buck was gone. Men like Tommy weren’t real, but here he was, right in front of Buck.
Buck’s patience was being tested, however, since there really wasn’t any time for him to just talk to Tommy. In the helicopter, Tommy was all professional focus, and then, Buck and Eddie went into the ship to get the survivors out. And then, come sunrise, they were busy helping and taking care of the injured.
There was a moment there, when Bobby and Athena reunited, where Buck put his hand on Tommy’s shoulder and their eyes met, and Buck wanted to know him. Still, they had work to do, and they both followed Eddie to see where they could be needed.
It was only when they were back at the coast that they got to talk for a moment. Tommy would have to wait until he got fuel in the tank of the helicopter, considering someone had to fly it back, while Buck and the others would most likely have to deal with going back to the states the traditional way.
And Buck had a moment where he wanted to stupidly offer to wait with Tommy. But he would admit that he chickened out when he stopped by his side with a, “Hey, can I-” before trailing off. Because Tommy had turned to look at him, and Buck lost his voice.
He was unreal. This was unfair.
Buck lost his nerve, but he managed to ask, “Can I get your number?” without too much stammering. God, it was like he’d never talked to a guy before.
But Tommy smiled at him, like he did when Buck touched his shoulder, and Buck knew he had to see him again. He felt giddy when he joined the others, Tommy’s number a new contact in his phone. He didn’t waste any time, and started needling Chim and Hen and Bobby about Tommy, because Chim had mentioned him in passing, but they hadn’t ever introduced them, and Buck felt like that was unfair to him. If he’d met Tommy earlier, he might have figured out his bisexuality sooner!
He was getting ahead of himself, though. From what he got out of the others, there was no real indicator that Tommy was queer in any way. From what Chim told him, he never seemed to have anything serious, a couple of short-term girlfriends, and then stayed single for the most part.
Which could mean nothing.
Buck got his thoughts in order after that. They returned to work, magically not fired, they got back into it. Buck researched Air Ops and helicopter facts until deep into the night, and wondered whether Tommy would be a willing recipient of aircraft fun facts. Maybe he already knew them.
In the end, Buck couldn’t pluck up the courage to send Tommy fun facts. Or straight up ask him out on a date. What he did do was ask Tommy for a tour of Harbor station, saying that he’d be interested learning a bit more about which wasn’t exactly a lie.
Tommy graciously suggested a time for Buck to come by and meet up. Buck wished he would follow up with something, or he himself had the balls to send something. But he wasn’t sure how a flirt over text would be received. He would admit that his own gaydar wasn’t really up to snuff.
Buck decided he could use the Harbor tour to figure things out, test the waters. Flirt a little and see how Tommy reacted.
Tommy greeted him with another gorgeous smile and a firm handshake. He was in casual clothing today, not the blue flight suit. When Tommy walked ahead of him to show him around, Buck snuck a glance at his ass. Which he might have done the night they met, already. Tommy had a great ass.
Despite his ulterior motives, Buck did listen to what Tommy had to say intently. He had asked Tommy to show him Harbor station, and clearly Tommy was doing so while he was off-shift, the least Buck could do was not waste his time.
Buck was trying to figure out how to pivot their conversation into something more casual, less professional. There weren’t many opportunities for that, however, and Buck was a little distracted by trying to read Tommy’s body language. He seemed a little closed off, maybe a bit wary.
Which could mean nothing.
But then, Tommy leaned a little closer, his voice taking on a different tone when he said, “High rise fire response …”
And Buck really needed to get his hope under control. He couldn’t let that cloud his judgement, but he had never been this into a guy before, couldn’t remember ever being this into anyone at all. He’d barely held a proper conversation with Tommy that wasn’t about work, and yet.
But then, disguised as a joke, Tommy asked Buck why he’d asked for the tour. And Buck really couldn’t say that he wanted to figure out whether Tommy liked dick a little bit.
So he talked around the point, mentioned the lightning strike which didn’t even really seem to faze Tommy, and subtly admitted that he hadn’t felt this alive since the day he died as he had when he met Tommy.
Stopping by the familiar yellow helicopter that Tommy had flown that night, Buck finally brought their conversation away from the station, and into a more personal direction.
“So, uh, what got you into flying?” he asked, feeling like it was a safe start. “Y’know, aside from the fact that I assume it feels like having superpowers.”
Buck was staring too intently at Tommy for just casual interest, he knew that. But Tommy was either not aware of that, or too polite to say anything.
“I was actually a pilot in the army,” Tommy said, and while Buck didn’t have a personal connection with that, he could still talk a little about it.
“No way, Eddie was in the army.”
“Yeah, he mentioned that.” Buck completely glossed over that. Didn’t think about when and where Eddie was supposed to have mentioned that.
Buck was too intent to keep this going, he felt like this was a good spot for their conversation to fizzle out into nothingness, into awkwardly looking at each other in silence, so he segued into the next topic.
“You know, I-I actually met an ex responding to a helicopter crash.” He paused. “Which should have been the first clue.” It really should have.
Tommy looked- interested? At least he didn’t look like someone who desperately wanted to get out of a conversation. It seemed like he opened up for a moment.
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “Saving someone’s life and then dating them never turns out the way you expect it to.”
“I-uh, figured that out third time around,” Buck admitted.
“And yet, they’re so grateful.” Tommy had a smile on his face, something a bit freer, and Buck thought he looked so cute.
He also noticed Tommy using neutral pronouns for whoever he dated after he probably saved them. And it could mean nothing, like everything else, or – or, he’d picked up on Buck using the word ex without an indicator of whether they were male for female. Perhaps it meant nothing, or they were both playing the pronoun game.
Another lull in their conversation, and Buck really didn’t want to let this go already. He still wasn’t entirely sure, it could all be a big coincidence. He also didn’t want this to end just yet, he wanted to spend more time with Tommy. Casual time, maybe just to hang out if nothing else.
He went back to what Tommy had said earlier – when he had assumed Buck asked for the tour because he was looking to move to Air Ops.
“I dunno, I-I – I guess it would be kinda different,” he said, looking around the station, looking at the helicopter.
Tommy picked up what he said without Buck having to clarify his train of thought switching tracks. “There’s no rule that says you can’t get certified and still stay at the 118,” Tommy said, as if reassuring Buck. “I fly for fun on my days off.”
As if the needed to get any cooler.
“Yeah?”
“I can give you lessons if you want,” Tommy offered immediately, casually, as if that wasn’t a ton of work and his own free time.
“Really.” Buck didn’t say it as a question, more a revelation. He was reasonably certain there was something. Not fully certain, because he never really was, and he only needed a tiny confirmation more, just one thing-
And then, Tommy said, “Sure. My fees are competitive,” with an almost-wink, a teasing lilt to his voice, his mouth pulling into a smirk, and Buck couldn’t be imagining things.
“You should let me buy you a beer.” Which was casual enough. Didn’t have to mean anything, if things didn’t work out, Buck could explain it away as a hangout among friends.
Tommy’s smile dimmed a little, but before Buck could panic about misreading this, he said, “I’d love that. But I-I gotta take a raincheck.” Buck was almost too focused on the little stutter in Tommy’s words, on the genuine regret that colored his voice.
But then, Tommy waved to someone behind Buck, and he turned, and he saw a familiar car pulling up, and a familiar someone leaning out of the window.
Eddie. Fucking Eddie!
God, Buck had the worst best friend in history. Eddie was surprised that Buck was there, and yeah, Buck hadn’t told him about wanting to seek out Tommy, but Eddie sure hadn’t told him he was hanging out with Tommy.
Tommy left with Eddie. To fucking Vegas, for some stupid fight that Buck would never be interested in, but was foaming at the mouth for right now. Oh, Eddie was gonna hear it from him later.
The only thing that kept Buck going that day was Tommy’s parting words of, “Later, Evan!”
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The next time Eddie was free, Buck practically ambushed him about Tommy. They were over at Eddie’s house, a six pack of beers in front of them on the table. Chris was at a friend’s house, so Buck had free rein to let his- well, his slight frustration out.
“So, uh, you and Tommy, you’ve gotten pretty close?” he asked, trying for nonchalant.
“What?” Eddie asked from where he stood in the kitchen, looking for the bottle opener. “Oh, yeah! We got talking after the rescue, we actually have a lot of things in common. Really clicked with him, you know?”
“Things in common,” Buck repeated. Fuck, if Eddie stole more of Tommy’s attention, Buck might actually start biting.
And then, Eddie continued to talk about Tommy – gush about him, more like it, and Buck was feeling more and more incredulous by the second. Tommy liked MMA, like Eddie, did Muay Thai and had a set up at his house, worked on classic cars in his free time and had a car lift – who the fuck was that man!? And apparently, he got along swimmingly with Chris. As if Buck needed any more reason to lose his mind over him.
Eddie had so much information on Tommy, so Buck asked, “How much time have you spent with him?”
It made Eddie pause and think about it. “We’ve been hanging out … pretty much almost daily since we met him, I think?”
And that did it. “You’ve been hanging out with Tommy for two weeks and didn’t tell me anything!?” He couldn’t believe this. He was surrounded by awful friends and allies – first, Chim kept Tommy, the hottest man Buck had ever seen, hidden away, and then Eddie not only took up his time but apparently had spent almost two whole weeks with him!
“I have a life outside of you.” Eddie rolled his eyes, and no, no, that wouldn’t do. Buck would not let that asshole believe Buck was jealous over him. And Buck was jealous, could admit that right then and there.
“That’s not what this is about!” he groaned. “I don’t care about you” – he ignored the wounded noise – “I care about Tommy! You’ve been hanging out with my crush for two whole weeks and just said nothing!?”
Eddie’s eyes got wide and round. “Your crush!?”
“What, you think I asked Chim and Hen about him the whole way home because I thought he was nice?”
Eddie opened his mouth, but said nothing. He closed it and looked contemplative for a moment, probably going through the interaction. Buck watched him. He felt strangely nervous. The last time he’d felt like this was when he came out to Eddie, the second person he’d come out to. Maddie was the first, obviously.
“You and Tommy …” Eddie smiled a little. “You like him?”
Buck felt like a schoolgirl. He grinned, blushed, and dropped his head low. “He’s- uh, I-I kinda can’t stop thinking about him.”
Eddie’s smile got bigger. “That’s great! I’m happy for you!” Eddie knocked his fist into Buck’s shoulder.
Buck ducked his head. “I-I haven’t even asked him out, yet. I don’t even know if he’s really interested in me or whether it’s all just- just wishful thinking.”
With a shake of his head, Eddie encouraged, “Don’t worry about it, man. You should call him.”
“Really?” Buck had that open-ended offer of a beer, after all, but would it be weird if he just reached out to Tommy for that? Should he actually ask for flying lessons? It would probably be really cool. But then …
“Heck yeah,” Eddie said. “Just not tomorrow, we’re going to karaoke trivia.”
“K-karaoke trivia?” Buck stuttered. “He- uh, he does trivia?” Buck didn’t think he’d ever needed someone like this before.
Eddie, bless his heart, was completely oblivious to Buck’s dilemma. “Yeah. He’s pretty good at it, too.”
So, Tommy probably would have been receptive to aircraft fun facts. Or maybe Buck could have asked him about said fun facts. Buck had to take a moment – it was like someone had picked his brain for his ideal man and made Tommy Kinard out of that.
“Please tell me I can tag along.” Buck loved trivia. Was really good at it, too. Maybe, he’d be able to bond with Tommy over that. Maybe they’d get talking about how they found out most of that stuff.
But his hopes and dreams were shattered by Eddie’s grimace. Buck was staring at him intently, mentally willing him to not say anything, but Eddie was apparently the worst ally in history.
“I was- I was hoping you could watch Christopher, actually,” Eddie said sheepishly.
Normally, Buck wouldn’t mind, but he couldn’t help feeling betrayed. “So, you were just going to make me babysit your son while you go out and hang out with the man I am trying to get with?” Buck really, truly had the worst best friend.
Eddie faced Buck, his eyes wide and pleading. “Pleeeease! I’ve asked Marisol too many times already!”
“You could just ask someone else! And ask Tommy if you can bring me along, Eddie, you need to help me with this!” After so rudely cock-blocking Buck earlier this week.
Eddie very obviously did not want to ask anyone else. Maybe everyone else was busy. Buck already knew he’d agree and spend the evening seething about it. He hoped his eyes translated what he was thinking as he glared at Eddie.
He, in turn, sighed. “Okay, how about this. Do you know if he’s gay? Or bi?”
“No. But I’m pretty sure there was something.” They had been flirting at Harbor station, Buck was sure of it. He had been flirting, and he was certain Tommy had returned it. There had been something for Buck to pick up.
Eddie shrugged as if that was enough for him. “If you babysit Chris for me that day, I’ll get you an in with Tommy, promise. And I’ll scout him out for you.”
“Huh?”
“He’s never mentioned relationships. I can try and actually find out if he’s into men, or if he’s actually single right now.”
Which, yeah, Buck had never thought about that – what if Tommy was into men, but he was also in a relationship? Considering Buck still wasn’t fully sure if Tommy had actually flirted back, maybe he’d just been nice. Maybe Buck had read too much into things.
So, he agreed, and hoped that Eddie would not be completely useless in trying to get some information out of Tommy.
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The night wasn’t that awful. Buck loved hanging out with Chris, and he got the chance to subtly or not so subtly poach him for information on Tommy.
So, he found out that Tommy was cool in Chris’s eyes, and he also had awful opinions about Star Wars movies. Well, nobody was perfect.
Buck spent the evening losing at video games to Chris, because he was a little distracted. It was just as he said, he couldn’t stop thinking about Tommy. And his eyes, and his smile, and his confident stride, his cleft chin, the way he spoke …
God, Buck had it bad. And he barely even knew the guy!
After Chris went to bed, Buck stayed on the couch, trying to find a documentary to watch and not obsessively check his phone for a message from Eddie.
Eddie didn’t end up texting him before he came home, and when he did, Buck had actually managed to get engrossed in a doc about jellyfish. He didn’t even really look away from the screen when the door opened, or when he heard Eddie shuffle by the entrance to take his jacket off and put his stuff away.
Only when he dropped down to the couch next to him, did Buck turn his head to look at him.
“He’s gay,” was the first thing he said.
Buck furrowed his brow. “Hello to you, too?” Then, the words really registered, making him do a double take. “Wait, hold on, what?”
“Tommy’s gay,” Eddie clarified. “I guess I should have known? We went to a gay bar with a drag show, and when I asked him about it, he laughed at me.”
Those were amazing news. Tommy did play for Buck’s team, so he had a chance. He probably hadn’t read too much into their interaction, there was a good chance that Tommy might also be attracted to Buck. And Buck hadn’t lost his mind over a straight man who would never give him the time of day.
“Did he-” Buck really had to get it together. “Uh, did he- did he talk? About me?”
Eddie grimaced. “Forgot to ask.”
Buck was about to strangle Eddie, and it must have shown on his face, because he took a step back with his hands raised. “It slipped my mind, I’m sorry! He doesn’t offer up these sort of things, I don’t think. But hey, I’m meeting up with him soon for basketball, I’ll ask him then, okay?”
Basketball. Buck hated basketball. Well, playing it, anyway. Every now and then, he could sit through a game, and he had done several deep dives on the sport before, but he hated playing it. Which is why he said no every single time Eddie had asked him to come to one of the games. Only things were different now. Buck had a reason to show up.
“Take me with you,” he said. Almost firm enough to be a demand.
“What?”
“I’m going to basketball with you.”
Eddie’s mouth dropped open. He looked incredulous. “Really? I’ve been asking you for God knows how long, and when there’s dick involved, you come?”
Buck raised his eyebrows. “Unfortunate wording there.”
With a shove to his shoulder, Eddie started laughing. “What, you’re really willing to play basketball because you want to see Tommy? Why not just text him?”
“And say what? Maybe he’s not interested in me. I wanna talk to him. Like, face to face.” Buck was not above begging.
“Okay, fine, I’ll take you along.”
Buck didn’t do a fist pump in victory, but it was a close thing. Okay, okay, okay, this was good, he could see Tommy again – preferably in action and covered in sweat – and could maybe scope out how his chances stood. Things were looking up.
“We can ask Chim to tag along,” Buck suggested. Chim and Tommy were old friends, after all, and maybe it would make it less suspicious that Buck was, all out of a sudden, showing interest in basketball.
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I’ll text and tell them I’m bringing a couple of friends.” He clapped Buck on the shoulder. “Hey, thanks for watching Chris.”
“Nah, you know I don’t mind,” Buck said.
“Even when it comes to men whose dick you wanna suck.”
Buck, his face pulling into an open-mouthed, scandalized expression, hit Eddie’s shoulder. “How much did you have to drink!?”
Eddie shrugged. Buck stayed a while longer, shooting the shit with his friend, getting teased over his crush, before he left to go home with the promise of seeing said crush very, very soon.
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A couple of days later, Buck walked a couple of steps behind Eddie next to Chim as they approached the court. Buck could see a couple of guys already there, warming up and throwing the ball around, and his eyes zeroed in on someone on a light gray sleeveless hoodie and blue shorts.
Tommy was already here. And he looked unfairly good, his arms on full display. On a twist, Tommy caught the three of them approaching, and he let the ball drop in favor of walking towards them and greeting them with an easy smile.
“Hey,” he said, and his grin brightened when he saw who Eddie had brought along. “Howie!” His eyes flicked to Buck, and there was a moment where it looked like his breath caught. “Hey, Evan.”
Buck couldn’t help the smile spreading across his face when he returned the fist bump Tommy offered in greeting. He felt alive, like an electric current was running under his skin when he had Tommy’s eyes on him. What he would give for them to stay right there.
But alas, Tommy turned around to the others, ready to get back into it. Buck’s eyes jumped down. The fabric of his shorts was thin and stuck to his already slightly sweaty skin, and Buck could not be blamed for his eyes staying stuck in place on Tommy’s ass, alright? He was only human.
He didn’t move until Eddie knocked his elbow into his side, muttering, “His eyes aren’t down there,” to him quietly enough that no-one else would hear it.
Buck snapped out of it, boxed Eddie in the shoulder, and followed them to the others. Tommy and Chimney were talking, and Tommy’s smile was so bright it crinkles the corners of his eyes and pulled up his nose a little bit. How could that man be real?
Eddie and Tommy got put on the same team, while Buck had to play against them, and for a moment, when he watched their celebration after a scored point, he felt his blood boil in an entirely different way. He felt his own play grow more aggressive, especially against Eddie, because if he saw him playfully touching Tommy’s shoulder one more time, Buck might very well rip it off.
He tried to stay close to Tommy, maybe even tried to show off a little, but he wasn’t sure whether it worked. Tommy had a serious, focused expression on his face, and the only time it slipped was when Buck turned to quick and didn’t anticipate him standing there, and knocked straight into him. And Tommy. Tommy didn’t move an inch. Just stood there, absorbed the impact like a brick wall, and leaned his head to the side with a tiny little twitch of his lips.
For a moment, Buck was frozen, standing in the middle of the court in front of Tommy. God, Buck had never met someone who met him in size and strength – or surpassed him. Even the men he dated tended to be a little shorter or slighter than him, and the bigger ones he tried to get with weren’t interested in him.
At this point, Buck felt like he would die if he found out Tommy wasn’t interested in him.
The moment ended because Eddie, like a horrible friend and also cockblock, decided this was the perfect opportunity to take the ball and get Tommy back into the game. Buck gritted his teeth in irritation. So much for Eddie helping him out with this. Maybe he should try and remind Eddie of what Buck was trying to accomplish here. Maybe he’d just knock him over a little.
Those thoughts dissipated when he stole the ball, twisted around, and scored a point from where he stood, giving Eddie no chance to take it back.
Despite getting a point against him, Tommy laughed and slapped Buck on the back. “Amazing play, Evan, that was great!”
Just like that, all thoughts of maiming were gone in the face of Tommy’s grin. Buck rode that high for the rest of the game, and while his team lost against Tommy’s, he didn’t feel too bad about it. He was competitive, yes, but the eye candy in front of him was enough to keep his mood up for now.
They took a break for water, and Buck tried not to obviously stare at Tommy too much. He just couldn’t help it – he looked so good. He thought of him on the court, in motion, and wondered if his horny lizard brain had made up the slip of his chest.
Tommy stood a couple feet away from Buck, Eddie, and Chimney who had all dropped down to the ground. Buck, with rapt attention, watched him drain his water bottle, head leaned back, and would forever deny the flash of a vision of something similar. His eyes tracked the movement of Tommy’s Adam’s apple. The flick of his tongue across his lips.
After Tommy put his bottle back into his bag, he closed the distance between him and Buck. And the other two. But mostly Buck.
“You up for another round?” he asked.
“You bet,” Eddie said, getting up from the ground to stretch his arms over his head.
Tommy’s eyes were on Buck. “You too? I want you on my team this time.”
Buck’s brain curled around the I want you part of the sentence like a big cat. He was nodding and getting up, throwing a grin at Tommy.
“Ye-yeah, yeah, sure!”
Chimney huffed out a laugh as he, too, got up off the ground. “You sure about that?” he asked. “Buck here never plays. He’s not some basketball whiz. He just lost, if you didn’t notice.”
Tommy, whose eyes had been on Chim as he talked, looked back at Buck with a spark in his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”
Looked like Buck wasn’t the only competitive one here. And Buck wouldn’t ruin this for Tommy. If Tommy wanted him on his team, then Buck was gonna bring his fucking A-game.
Buck wasn’t the most skilled player, he’d give Chimney that. But he was tall and fast, and he and Tommy played off of each other quite well. It allowed Buck to keep his eyes on Tommy, too, watch his movements, and act accordingly.
He got what he wanted out of it, too, namely Tommy’s eyes on him, and his grin directed at him, and bodily encouragement in the form of high fives and shoulder checks, and Buck didn’t think he’d ever drop his breathless smile.
They pulled ahead of the others, quickly too, because Tommy was actually skilled at the sport. Him having fun was contagious, and Buck was smiling not just because he was up close and personal with Tommy, because Tommy was paying attention to him, but because he was, honest to God, having a good time.
Buck outplayed Eddie and scored a point, collecting his praise from Tommy with a blush high on his cheeks that didn’t just come from the exercise.
Eddie looked at Buck with playful annoyance, and Buck shot him a grin.
“Better luck next time,” he said.
“C’mon, Diaz, get your ass into gear!” Tommy heckled, grabbing Buck by the shoulders. His grip felt so strong. “How’re you losing to someone who never plays?”
Eddie looked affronted. Buck laughed harder. He caught Tommy’s eyes, and saw the proud, slightly cocky grin on his face.
They won that round. Chim and Eddie, part of the losing team, playfully complained about it, writing it off as good luck since there was no way Buck would beat them. Even Tommy wasn’t that good.
Tommy stretched his arms over his head casually and said, all smug and self-serving, “What, you wanna redo? Want me to wipe the floor with you, want me to leave the court with 3 to 0 wins?”
What a man.
They shot the shit for a while longer, but at one point, they were exhausted enough to call it a day. Eddie had to pick up Chris from his friend’s place, and Chim had to get home to Maddie and Jee. One after the other, the other guys said their goodbyes as well, and Buck and Tommy trailed after Eddie and Chimney to the spot they had parked their cars at.
Tommy, walking right next to Buck, knocked his knuckles against his upper arm. “Didn’t expect to see you today. Eddie said you don’t play basketball,” Tommy said, his voice warm and soft with a smile.
“Yeah, well,” Buck shrugged, looking ahead. “I wanted to give it another try.” He turned his head to look at Tommy. “I had fun today.”
The smile on Tommy’s face took Buck’s breath away for a moment. He couldn’t believe how it changed Tommy’s face, his sharp features softening with the wrinkles around his eyes, the scrunch of his nose.
They stopped walking, and Buck realized they had reached their cars. The others made quick goodbyes, and just like before, it was Buck and Tommy left. Tommy opened the driver’s side door of his truck. He turned to look at Buck.
“It was really good to see you,” he said, his voice softer than it had any business being.
“Y-yeah,” Buck stammered. “Y-you, too.”
Another smile. Tommy seemed to stall for a moment, not moving, and Buck tried to think of something to say. Should he ask whether they could meet up again? Should he ask him out? Time was running out, it seemed, because Tommy made to climb in.
“Hey,” Buck said, before his nerve could leave him, and Tommy halted to look at him. “I still owe you that beer, right? You free sometime this week?”
“Sure. You doing anything on Saturday?” Tommy had a smile on his face, one that was different than the ones Buck had seen before.
“I’m free,” Buck confirmed. “Text you the details?”
Tommy nodded. “Great. See you Saturday.”
He climbed into his truck and closed the door, and Buck stepped away as he pulled out of his parking spot. Their eyes met for a moment through the window, and Buck saw his own reflection in the glass, as well, the soft, maybe slightly relieved smile on his face.
He climbed into his jeep and shot off a text to Eddie, a quick info that he had dinner plans with Tommy and a thank you for bringing Buck along today.
-----------------------------------------
One could think that the night would go the way Buck wanted it to – good food, good conversation, an offer to come up for “coffee”.
And the night had really seemed like it’d been moving that direction.
Buck and Tommy had texted a bit, hashed out the details, and went to a nice little restaurant with a cozy atmosphere that Tommy liked. The food was good, and Tommy relayed a couple of facts about the craft beer he liked to drink, and Buck soaked all of that up like a sponge.
Tommy was so interesting. He had many hobbies, all of them time consuming – Muay Thai, mechanic work, he painted, he liked to work on the house. He had a cat. He loved going up for a flight before sunrise and then just watch the sky change colors.
And he showed interest in Buck. He asked about Buck, about his family, about work. Listened intently when Buck talked about different variants of fried dough in different cultures, and asked questions about it as if he actually wanted to know.
Buck was charmed. Buck was infatuated. Buck felt like he was walking on air, like this was truly the best night of his life. It felt so easy, he felt an instant connection to Tommy that he didn’t think he’d had with anyone.
They shared stories and jokes about the job, bragged to each other about daring high-stakes rescues, and Buck thought that Tommy was insane from the things he told him. He was incredible.
They got dessert, and the mood shifted as Buck watched Tommy lick dark chocolate sauce off of his spoon. And suddenly, he was holding onto his self-control with a white-knuckled grip. Tommy caught his eyes over the table, and Buck didn’t know what he saw in his face, but he was sure he had to see something.
Tommy had a look in his eyes that made Buck’s blood roar in his ears. The tension between was rising, feeling about ready to snap. Tommy’s eyes were dark in the dimmed light of the restaurant, and Buck wanted, needed to see more.
They got the bill. The server placed the little booklet down in front of Tommy, and with a soft frown, Buck reached out to take it, but Tommy grabbed it and held it out of reach.
“What are you doing?” Buck asked. “Put that down.”
Tommy huffed out a soft laugh. “No, I picked the location.”
Buck made grabby hands at the bill. “I invited you out. I owe you the beer, remember?”
“You can pay the bill next time, then,” Tommy placated him with an almost-wink.
Next time. Yeah, Buck liked the sound of that. He settled back down in his chair and let Tommy pay for their dinner, but he insisted to at the very least take care of the tip, to which Tommy relented.
They got up to leave, and Buck really didn’t want the night to end. From the way Tommy was looking at him, and the way he was staying in his space, their shoulders so close they almost brushed, Buck was certain that Tommy felt the same way.
Tommy’s place was close to the restaurant – walking distance, apparently. So, Buck offered, and then insisted he’d walk Tommy home. Tommy had a smile on his face, and in the light of the street lamp above their heads, it looked like there was a slight blush on his cheeks.
The night was mild, comfortable, and Buck could feel Tommy’s body heat radiating off of him. If he leaned a closer, he could catch a hint of his cologne. Walking side by side, their hands brushed together a couple of times, and Buck was fighting with himself, trying to gain the courage to just take Tommy’s hand into his.
“You know I don’t need you to walk me back?” Tommy said, again. “You’re still gonna have to get home.”
“I’m just gonna uber home,” Buck waved off. “I didn’t drive to the restaurant, so I was gonna do that anyway.”
“Still, this is probably the whole other direction.”
It was. But Buck didn’t let himself be deterred. He’d always liked doing this, walking his dates to their cars or all the way home, because it was a nice thing to do and because he liked spending just a little more time with them when the night went well.
And the night had gone well. Tommy had a great taste in restaurants, and Buck was watching his feelings for Tommy grow rapidly. He cautiously started thinking about what the next morning might look like – talking to Tommy, asking him to be officially dating, making breakfast.
They reached Tommy’s neighborhood. It looked sort of cute, some small and charming houses, none of them identical. Front yards in varying degrees of neatness, some houses clearly belonging to older people or young families. It wasn’t where Buck had expected Tommy to live.
They stopped in front of one of the small houses, and Buck saw a familiar silver truck parked in front of the garage. Buck took a moment to look at the house. The front yard was mostly empty, save for a low hedge and a couple of bushes in front of the windows.
Tommy turned to look at him, a soft smile playing on his face. “Thanks for walking me. Even though it was wholly unnecessary.”
“I told you, it’s fine,” Buck said, walking beside Tommy up to his front door.
Buck stared at Tommy as he unlocked his door, watching the lines of his shoulders and his back under the fabric of his black button-up. It looked indescribably good on him – the rolled up sleeves, the top buttons undone. Remembering the flash of his collarbones, Buck groaned internally.
He wanted Tommy so bad. If he had at any point doubted his attraction to men since he found out – and he hadn’t, not really – this would do him in.
“I had a good time,” Tommy said.
Buck couldn’t dial down the brightness of his smile if he tried. “Yeah,” he replied. “So did I. So,” he dragged out the sound a little, “you’d, uh, y-you’d be willing to- ah, do this again sometime?”
There was a moment that Buck could almost call strange. For a moment, his smile was blinding, deepening those beautiful wrinkles around his eyes. But then, his smile dropped, a sobering expression taking over his face for only a split second before he settled back into an easy smile, still gorgeous but not as bright as it had been just a moment ago.
“Sure.” The soft look in Tommy’s eyes made Buck forget momentarily about the change in him. That was until he said, “See you soon, then. Have a good night, Evan.”
And he stepped into his home, closing the door behind him, leaving Buck standing on his front porch. Buck’s mouth was open, as he’d wanted to say something to him, but his words got stuck in his throat. He stood frozen right in place for a couple of moments.
“Wh-” he started. “What?”
He looked around, as if the air around him would suddenly give him the answer to what just happened. He had been so certain that the night was leading up to spending the night at Tommy’s. And okay, fine, maybe Tommy wasn’t the kind of guy who slept with someone on the first date, but not even a word about that? Buck couldn’t even tell him good night! Buck couldn’t even kiss him.
Maybe- maybe Tommy was the sort of guy to take it real slow. That was okay. Yeah, that was okay, Buck could do that.
He had that in, Tommy was definitely interested enough to go out with him again. Buck could work with that. They could talk more, get to know each other more. No need to jump right in, right? They had time.
So, Buck shrugged the shock off, the sudden cold feeling that had settled into his stomach, and focused on the good parts. The night had been amazing. Tommy was amazing.
So, he turned, and pulled out his phone for an uber. Turning around, he looked for Tommy’s silhouette in the windows, but the lights were dark. Buck wondered if Tommy had gone straight to bed. He’d sort of been hoping he could wave him good night before he left.
-----------------------------------------
The first couple of weeks, Buck felt like his patience was being tested, but he’d been willing to be tested. He liked Tommy more than just a quick hook-up. Preferably, he wanted something serious with him, maybe even something permanent – he’d never felt a connection like this with anyone before.
But no matter what Buck did, how much he flirted, and how positively he responded whenever Tommy flirted back, it didn’t do anything. They didn’t move from where they were, and Buck didn’t understand what was holding Tommy back.
Not to sound too conceited, but Buck had been around the block enough times to know the tells, alright? He could tell when someone was into him, now even more that he understood his attraction to men, and men’s attraction to him. And he could tell Tommy was into him. He caught him checking him out at more than one point, saw his eyes flick down to his ass or to his collarbones when he wore a lower-cut shirt. More than that, the seemingly casual touches that weren’t really casual, and the way he leaned into Buck more than he needed. Their hands ended up close often times, close enough to touch, but nothing ever happened. When they were out with friends at a bar or restaurant, they sat close, Tommy’s body a hot line pressed against Buck’s side.
And Tommy seemed so interested in everything Buck had to say. All of his info-dumps and his deep dives, even when he didn’t believe in the jinxes and curses that Buck did, he still listened, and he asked questions about topics that he could tell Buck felt passionate about.
Buck knew that Tommy was attracted to him. More than that, too. And yet, for some reason, nothing happened, and Buck was running out of options.
He and Tommy kept going out. They had good conversation, good food, went out to hike and rock-climb and whatever else. Tommy took Buck up a couple of times, and showed him how gorgeous the sunset was when one was all the way up in a clear sky. It was romantic, so fucking romantic, and Buck still couldn’t even get a kiss on the cheek out of anything.
Buck got Tommy invited to Maddie’s wedding. Well, technically, he took Tommy as his plus one. But he only told Maddie and Eddie that – if Tommy was perhaps unsure about where they were going, he didn’t want to put the pressure on him. He brought Tommy with him to the Bachelor party, because he was Chim’s friend, after all, and Tommy came despite being on call. The hug they shared when Tommy had to leave felt warm and tender, and Buck didn’t want to let him go.
The rest of the night ended up in chaos, and drunk as he was, Buck thought about Tommy a couple of times, and how much he wished he was there. Then, he didn’t have a lot of time to think about things has he was looking for his future brother-in-law, and then had to very quickly put an impromptu wedding up on its legs.
It worked out just fine, and at the tail-end of Maddie and Chimney finally being married, Buck got the notification that Tommy was about to reach the emergency bay. So, he ran down immediately to greet him, and when he saw him covered in soot and sweat, exhausted and apologetic about being late, Buck finally understood why most of his dates had been obsessed with him being a firefighter.
What he wanted to do was grab Tommy by the waist and kiss him, devour him, get all of that soot and sweat over his own skin, carry him around with him for the rest of the day. He wanted to hold him tight, get as close as he could, and show the world that Tommy belonged to him. That he was all his, all his, and nobody could have him instead.
As it was, he reined in his desire as much as he could, and instead pulled Tommy into the tightest hug he could muster. Tommy made a soft noise, almost like a moan, the wind knocked out of him by Buck colliding with him, and Buck could not stop the train of thought his horny lizard brain was following, thinking about whether Tommy would make noises like that in bed, too, or when he got kissed.
He wanted to kiss him. So badly. He could, he could easily put a hand on the back of his head and pull him down. He could, from where his head was nestled into the crook of his neck, open his mouth and taste his ash covered skin. He didn’t, though.
They got back to the reception, and some of the soot had rubbed off on Buck and his clothes, but not as much as he wished it had. He watched Tommy, big and covered in dirt, very gently take Maddie’s hand as to not ruin her dress. He then watched him greet Jee, big mountain of a firefighting hero kneeling down to talk to her at eye-level, and Buck almost lost it right then and there.
That was the man of his fucking dreams right there.
He took Tommy home later. Tommy made a valiant effort to stay present, but he was tired, and Buck could not put into words how he felt, how his heart was light and fluttery at the thought of Tommy fighting a fire all night and then showing up because Buck had asked him to. The least Buck could do was make sure he didn’t crash on the way home, and get some food into him.
He slept on Tommy’s couch that night, and while it was bigger and more comfortable than Buck’s own, he still woke up with a crick in his neck and a sore back. And Tommy, what a man, noticed that immediately, and offered that, should Buck ever want to sleep over again, they could share the bed.
Which was a step in the right direction, as far as Buck was concerned.
They kept going out, hanging out, and often spent the night at each other’s places. Tommy, one time, forgot one of his hoodies at his loft, and Buck wore it religiously whenever he was at home. Tommy never asked for it back, and Buck wouldn’t give it back until Tommy’s scent fully left the fabric. He’d trade it for another one.
After another evening out at a nice restaurant, Buck convinced Tommy to stay with him, because they got talking about movies, and Tommy loved romcoms, and wanted to show Buck one of his favorites.
And so, they ended up on Tommy’s couch again, and watched that movie. Buck leaned his head on Tommy’s shoulder, and actually paid attention to what was playing on the screen, because Tommy really liked this movie, and Buck wanted to show him he liked learning about his interests. It was a sweet story, a low stakes thing where true love prevailed.
After, neither Buck nor Tommy pretended for a moment that Buck wasn’t going to spend the night, and so, they got ready for bed. Buck had a toothbrush at Tommy’s place now, and he tried not to think about the fact that he had a fucking toothbrush but hadn’t even kissed Tommy yet.
Tommy slept in sweatpants and tank tops, most of the time, which, in Buck’s opinion, was kind of a crime. He did look hot in those cut-off shirts, though, with his arms on display. Buck opted to sleep in his boxers, as he usually did when he slept at Tommy’s. Or Tommy’s was over at his place.
There were things that needed to be done. And Buck liked the heavy feel of Tommy’s eyes on him. He’d tried his luck with a couple of thirst traps before, mostly half-dressed work-out pictures, but Tommy was very good at masking his reaction over text, so Buck could never tell what his reaction to that was. He could tell his reaction to seeing Buck in only his underwear, though, because he couldn’t hide the way his eyes darkened and his mouth tightened, as if he was biting his bottom lip on the inside.
If only he would touch Buck.
He climbed under the covers, and Tommy closed the blinds before he joined Buck and turned the lights off. Tommy slept with blackout blinds, Buck had learned, and while he had knocked his knee or hip or shoulder on furniture several times, he thought it was sort of endearing that Tommy, being a firefighter with the habit to sleep whenever and wherever he had to, could only sleep in full darkness. He apparently had a sleep mask at the station.
He couldn’t really see Tommy in the dark of the room, could only assume to recognize his shape when his eyes got used to the darkness. But he could feel the way that the mattress dipped under the weight of another body, and he was certain he could feel Tommy’s warmth just a couple of inches away from him.
He could reach out. He could roll over, put himself right up against Tommy. He could.
But he didn’t.
There were so many opportunities for him to bridge that gap, to touch Tommy, to kiss him, to hold him. It was all he wanted. But in the end, he kept himself back. He was afraid that if he pushed more, Tommy would push him back instead, and tell him he didn’t want that. Buck could wait until Tommy came to him. He had to wait, he had to match Tommy’s pace. It was only fair. Tommy shouldn’t feel pushed into what Buck wanted when he wasn’t ready for it.
He closed his eyes, and listened to Tommy’s breath. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and search for his hand under the covers.
He didn’t.
His dreams were marked by his wants. These days, he often dreamed of miles of skin and strong shoulders, and a perfect cupid’s bow and powerful hands, of words whispered into his ear, of stormy blue eyes looking down at him and seeing all of him. But he also dreamed of holding hands, of sharing closeness. Of sharing his favorite things. Of seeing Tommy sitting at the counter of his kitchen like he belonged there.
More often than not, he woke up with a heart aching with longing, his very blood yearning in a way he never felt before.
This time was no different. Only that he woke up feeling the familiar warmth of Tommy’s body pressed against his back. Buck had moved in the night, and the blankets had shifted, probably because of their shared body heat, and so, Tommy’s front was pressed up against Buck’s back.
Tommy radiated heat against Buck’s skin, and Buck pressed a little bit closer, content to soak up the warmth. He shifted, and as he did so, he slotted his body in place against Tommy almost perfectly, and pushed his ass up against something hot and hard.
He froze, for just a moment, but then, Tommy made a soft noise, like a gasp almost, and Buck waited to see whether he would do something. But he simply grumbled, a rough and drawn-out sound, and nuzzled into his pillow. When Buck craned his head back, he could see that Tommy’s eyes were still closed, his face still relaxed. His breath was still slow and steady. Asleep.
Buck shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. And he wasn’t going to, he really wasn’t, but he tried to shift a little to perhaps get some distance, or to get up and get into a shower – preferably cold – he moved a little against Tommy again, and Tommy made another quiet noise, and when Buck tried to get away from him, a strong arm came up and around his waist to hold him in place.
With another sleep-deep grumble, Tommy pressed his full front into Buck’s back, and Buck couldn’t help the soft gasp that left him at the feel of the hot line of Tommy’s hard cock pushing right against his ass. He pushed back, more on instinct than anything else, and despite the layers of clothing between them, it felt so fucking good.
Buck moved. He rocked his hips back into Tommy in small, slow rhythmic rolls. His hand skidded down his own side, but he hesitated when he skirted along the edge of Tommy’s arm. His pinky finger overlapped with Tommy’s thumb. He clenched his jaw against the desperate sound clawing its way up his throat.
Tommy was solid behind him. Warm, and despite still being asleep, the grip around Buck’s waist felt strong and secure. Buck had been dreaming of a moment like this for weeks, of feeling Tommy’s body pressed against his, of being held by him.
He tipped his head back, just a little bit, still biting down on any sounds. Tommy’s breath was heavy, and it hit the back of his neck, so close now that Buck could almost pretend to be able to feel the shape of his mouth on his skin, and he wanted it so fucking badly.
Buck was starting to get lost in it, the lazy, barely awake way their bodies moved into each other, the soft, sleep-thick moans that got caught in Tommy’s throat, the way Tommy’s arm shifted to wrap all the way around him, his fingers curling around the other side of Buck’s waist and Buck- he wanted those inside of him.
Tommy buried his face in Buck’s neck. His mouth was open, his breath was hot, and on an exhale, his voice colored that air, a soft and quiet but unmistakable, “Evan.”
It coursed through Buck like electricity. He wanted to turn around, roll over and press his front against Tommy, throw a leg over his hip and bring his cock against Tommy’s. He wanted to see his face, see his expression, see his mouth open and panting, and plant a kiss on those beautiful fucking lips.
Only before he could, he heard Tommy suck in a deep breath, and then he froze. Buck didn’t feel the exhale against his neck, so he assumed that Tommy was holding his breath. Buck didn’t dare move. He wasn’t frozen as rigidly as Tommy, but something kept him from turning around.
He felt the shuddering waft of air when Tommy let out the held breath. His grip loosened, and from one moment to the next, Tommy suddenly made room and scrambled out of the bed, the sudden disappearance of the warmth of his body leaving Buck cold and feeling bereft.
Tommy was already gone from the room when Buck moved to push himself up a little. He waited in silence, unsure what had just happened, and then, he heard the shower turn on.
Okay. Buck settled back down on his stomach, hissed a little and then pulled a leg up to lessen the pressure on his cock still straining against the material of his boxers. He took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying to will his erection away.
So, Tommy was- he was physically interested, right? He’d been asleep, Buck realized, and had said his name. He was thinking about him. But for some reason, Tommy didn’t want to act on it when he was awake. Buck decided he’d try to bring it up when Tommy came back.
Only when Tommy returned, freshly showered and dressed, he didn’t really give Buck the opportunity to say anything, or bring that charged moment up at all. He seemed to have trouble meeting Buck’s eyes for a while, and Buck decided he should probably just give Tommy time to- to what exactly? Process things?
Tommy pretended nothing happened the rest of the day, and Buck gave him that courtesy. Truth be told, he was a bit embarrassed by all of that. Why had Tommy fled the bed like that? Was it really that horrible? Buck didn’t know what to do about this, he was so certain that Tommy wanted him, so why would he not continue down that nice little path laid out for him?
They hung out the rest of the day, both of them off until the evening. A couple hours into the day, Tommy was pretty much back to normal, and Buck was still turning things over in his head. He felt like he was shaking them like a snow globe and watching the bits and pieces float down in different shapes and patterns every time, and yet, he still couldn’t make sense of it.
As the day got later, and they ordered take out to watch another movie Tommy had said was criminal not to have watched, and during that time, Tommy was comfortable enough again to allow Buck to snuggle up to him again. It started with Buck leaning his head on his shoulder, and ended with them sprawled over the length of the couch, Buck wedged on his side between Tommy and the back, his head on Tommy’s chest and one of his lower legs between Tommy’s calves.
It was getting late, and they would have to get ready for their shifts soon, but Buck didn’t move. Didn’t bring it up. This was too nice, and Tommy was idly stroking his fingers over the back of Buck’s shoulder blade, almost absentmindedly like he wasn’t even noticing it.
Tommy had no problem with this. He didn’t push Buck off when he got cuddly. And really, he had clearly had some sort of sex dream about Buck this morning. Buck didn’t understand why he hadn’t done anything about it. Especially when Buck had presented himself to him like on a silver platter.
There was more to this. And perhaps, if this morning hadn’t happened, Buck would maybe be able to let it go, and accept that Tommy didn’t want him. Only now, he knew that Tommy wanted him. Only now, Buck realized with a start, he knew what it sounded like when Tommy moaned his name. As if he would ever know peace ever again.
He needed to talk to someone about this.
That someone turned out to be Eddie when they met up at their shift later. And Eddie very obviously didn’t seem to be thrilled about Buck talking about his currently non-existent sex life and his troubles surrounding it, but honestly, he could eat it. Buck had listened to his weird drama surrounding Marisol and a nunnery, with minimal judging, no less. Not fully without judging, because even Buck wasn’t that strong.
Buck was pacing up and down in front of the couch that Eddie was sitting on, recounting – ranting – the things that had occurred that morning. Eddie looked like he was contemplating going back to church. Tough shit.
“I was grinding on him,” Buck said in exasperation. “I was in his lap!” He turned to face Eddie who had brought his hands up to his face and was currently staring empty-eyed at the table in front of him. Buck twisted on the spot and got into Eddie’s space, bracing himself on the table “Why didn’t he fuck me?” he hissed.
Eddie didn’t move at first. He might have been dissociating. Then, he dropped his hands and looked at Buck. “I don’t know? I don’t really know what goes on in his head.”
Buck groaned and dropped to the couch. Eddie was of no help. Buck didn’t really know why he brought his relationship troubles to him, still. Well, at least now Eddie was suffering, too. Shared suffering was halved suffering or whatever.
With a sigh, he leaned his head back against the back of the couch. “I don’t know what else I can do. I mean, I’m taking him out on dates, and we’re having these moments, you know. And nothing happens.”
“That’s rough, man,” Eddie said, putting a hand on Buck’s shoulder.
Buck slid his hands over his face, curling his hands into his hair. “What am I supposed to do, Eddie? Like, what works on men?”
“You’re a man, you should know this.”
“I’ve already tried all the things that work on me!” Buck rolled his eyes. “Come on.”
“I don’t know!” Eddie shrugged. “Wear tighter clothes?”
Buck got up off of the couch. “God, how do you even find women to date you? You’re hopeless.”
“Hey!” Eddie protested. “Don’t take your weird sexual frustration out on me!”
Buck wanted to say something along the lines of doing whatever he wanted, but the alarm went off, so Buck had to put all of that on the backburner for now. He went out, did his job, and only thought about Tommy a couple of times.
He wondered whether he should talk to Maddie about this, but she would probably tell him to talk to Tommy as if it was that easy. Because when it came down to it, Buck was pretty certain he wasn’t reading things wrong, but there was always that tiny spark of doubt inside of him. That fear of being wrong and getting rejected, having to watch the greatest man he ever met tell him that actually, he didn’t want Buck at all.
He’d rather be stuck in this weird purgatory forever than have his clarity go in that direction. And besides, the time he was spending with Tommy was great! He liked Tommy so much, things didn’t necessarily have to change. And he especially didn’t want them to change to the negative.
He’d see where this would go. At one point, it would work out.
-----------------------------------------
Buck actually didn’t have much time to think about what to do about his strange relationship situation, because a couple of things happened that needed his attention.
They got medals for their less than legal operation in March. Tommy looked so fucking good in his dress blues, and with that red band around his neck, and Buck felt like he deserved another medal for not trying to climb him right in that room.
Then, Buck had the displeasure of meeting the old captain of the 118 that Tommy, Chim, and Hen had worked under together. He had the displeasure of watching Tommy clamp up and his body tense, and then, he had to watch Tommy get essentially called a slur, and Buck really wasn’t sure what to do about that. What he wanted to do was deck Gerrard in the face, but he stuck to throwing him his nastiest glare, and stayed close to Tommy’s side for the rest of the day.
He read Tommy’s body language, and whenever someone approached that made Tommy tense up or quiet down, Buck would do his guard dog routine of essentially pissing a circle around Tommy. He was going to make Tommy feel relaxed enough to just enjoy the time, eat cake, and joke with Buck, Eddie, and Chris.
Later, Tommy would pull Buck into a hug and bury a muffled, “Thank you,” against his shoulder, and Buck would simply hug him back and try to convey that it wasn’t a hardship for him and he would always be there for Tommy by the pressure of his arms.
What followed was what he would later realize was the calm before the storm. He spent time with his family. He cooked. He got ready to go over to Tommy’s for another movie night. They were slowly making their way through the movies Tommy had wanted to show him, and he was still smiling to himself as he packed his bag because Chimney had gotten outraged over the fact that he hadn’t gotten Buck to watch them.
“What does he have that I don’t?” he’d asked, and Buck had to bite his tongue to not say something along the lines of, “You don’t have a dick I wanna jump on.”
Buck had a nice little talk with Bobby, where he made Buck understand that he definitely approved of Tommy as a partner for Buck, and Buck didn’t even say anything about them not officially being together yet because they hadn’t ever had that talk – he was too happy about the fact that Bobby liked Tommy and thought he was a good match for Buck.
That was the end of the positivity, however, because then Buck met the ghost of Eddie’s wife. He had to take a raincheck on the movie night with Tommy. Then, Bobby and Athena’s house burned down, Bobby had a heart attack, and Eddie essentially blew up his life.
Buck spent the time sleeping very little and feeling an electric buzz in his head like an ache, and all the while, exchanging texts with Tommy was one of the only things that kept him from fully breaking down.
Things got worse, and then they got better. He invited Tommy to his place for dinner to make up for having to blow off a meet up even though Tommy repeated over and over again that he didn’t have to make anything up to him. Still, Buck cooked for him and they had a nice night.
He invited Tommy to join him and the others – Hen, Karen, Chim, and Eddie – at a club they had decided to go out to just to try and relax a little after the week from hell. He only told Hen, who had organized the whole thing, after Tommy had confirmed he’d come, and there was something strange in her voice on the phone call. Buck chalked it up to her still being a little stressed out.
He sent Tommy the details, and couldn’t help the giddy little smile on his face when Tommy sent him a text back saying that he was looking forward to it.
The club was a nice little queer friendly place with good drinks and good music, and when Buck arrived with Eddie and Chim, Hen and Karen were already there, having secured a booth for them.
He had taken Eddie’s advice to heart and dressed in tight jeans and a form-fitting shirt, but he wouldn’t admit that to him.
Buck and Karen went down to the bar to get the first round of drinks, and when Buck saw they had one of the craft beer things that Tommy had talked about, Buck ordered it for him. Karen threw him a questioning glance and he couldn’t help the soft smile.
“It’s-uh, it’s for Tommy. He likes this stuff.” Buck flashed a smile at the bartender when he handed over the drinks. “Thought I’d get him something already.”
Karen had a strange expression on her face. Her eyes intently stared at Buck, as if she was trying to see through him. “You’re spending a lot of time with him, I’ve heard.”
Buck blushed. “Uh, ye-yeah, we- we really hit it off. He’s- he’s incredible, you know.” He hadn’t talked to anyone about his feelings for Tommy outside of Eddie, and Bobby that one time, so far, but now that Karen had brought it up, Buck felt like he needed to say something or he would burst. “I- uh, I-I don’t think I- I ever felt something like this before. A-about anyone.”
Karen’s eyes widened. There was something like realization on her face, but Buck didn’t really think about it much as they arrived back at their table and put down the drinks. Buck sat down in the booth next to Eddie and kept the space next to him open.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he didn’t even have to look to know it was Tommy announcing that he was there. His eyes found the door and stayed glued right there until he saw Tommy enter. Tommy moved into the club, looked around a little, and Buck got up and waved an arm to catch his attention. Tommy caught the movement, and with a bright smile overtaking his face, he moved through the crowd to them.
Buck stayed standing until Tommy reached them, and didn’t hesitate to step out and greet Tommy with a hug. Tommy’s arms wrapped around his waist, and Buck allowed himself to nuzzle just a little bit into the side of Tommy’s neck. He hoped he was subtle about the breath he took, taking in the scent of Tommy’s aftershave.
“Hey, glad you could make it,” Buck said and pulled away. “They have these fancy beers you like here, I got you one. I-uh, I hope that was okay.”
Tommy smiled, eyes lighting up when he recognized the label on the bottle Buck pointed at. “That’s perfect, Evan. Thank you.”
Buck preened. He always took praise between his claws and held on tight, but from Tommy, it felt like so much more, his words soft and gentle. The way he said Evan, without any of the weight that anyone else used, soothed something inside of Buck.
Tommy sat down next to Buck in the booth, and Buck nudged a little closer to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Eddie’s smirk. Yeah, well, if Buck could, he’d be in Tommy’s lap right now, but that was probably not appropriate for a public setting.
Buck was content to sit back a bit and watch Tommy talk with the others. He told them about his work day when they asked, and talked to Eddie about one of his car projects. He looked relaxed and content. And he looked so fucking hot – his hair was soft and curly, he was dressed in a black shirt with the top buttons undone, and that smile looked so fucking good on him. Buck couldn’t take his eyes off of him.
Every now and then, Tommy would look over and meet Buck’s eyes, and his smile would change, and it would crinkle the corners of his eyes, and every single time, Buck’s breath caught in his chest. How the hell was that man real? And how had Buck been lucky enough to meet him?
At one point, he fell into an easy conversation with Tommy, as he tended to do when they were together, and they spoke quietly to each other while their friends did their own thing. Their heads were leaned close together, and Buck’s shoulder was pressed tight against Tommy’s. He wanted to live in this space.
Karen and Hen went out to dance. Eddie and Chim opted to stay at the table, and Buck and Tommy went down to the bar so Tommy could check out the drink menu. Buck didn’t necessarily have to come with him, but he wanted to stick close to him.
Tommy had a lot of knowledge about alcoholic beverages, and when Buck asked him about it, he said, with a little smile, “Oh, it’s one of my special interests.” At Buck’s questioning glance, he continued, “Sometimes, there’s things that really interest me, so I try to find out all I can about them. Or become really good at them.”
“Like me with my deep dives,” Buck said.
“Yeah,” Tommy agreed. “Only I stick to a couple of things at a time.”
Not like Buck who tended to jump between topics in a matter of hours. But on a similar track. Which was probably why Tommy knew exactly how to make Buck feel good about his info dumping.
You were made for me, Buck thought helplessly, looking at Tommy continuing to browse the menu. I think I want to spend forever with you. Despite the seriousness of that train of thought, Buck didn’t feel afraid, or even a little bit strange. There was warmth settling around his shoulders, feeling a little like Tommy’s arm. He thought he finally understood the difference between being owned and belonging.
He opened his mouth. He didn’t know what he was about to say. Maybe he was about to propose to Tommy on the spot. But before any of his half-cocked thoughts could make it out of him, someone sidled up to Tommy’s other side, a shorter, pretty guy who was probably a couple of years younger than Buck. He said something that Buck couldn’t quite hear, something about helping Tommy pick out a drink if he was unsure.
And really? Buck was right here! Probably staring at Tommy with stupid heart-shaped pupils. Tommy addressed the young man with a polite smile, and while the kid’s smile dimmed for a moment, it came back when he apparently found another way to get Tommy into a conversation, and Buck was not having any of it.
He took Tommy’s wrist and started tugging him away from the bar, and Tommy let him, a confused and maybe slightly amused wrinkle between his eyebrows.
"You good?" he asked, stumbling for a moment.
Buck looked over his shoulder back to the bar and threw a vicious glare at the young man still standing there, looking dejected and a little surprised.
“Wanna dance,” Buck said, pulling Tommy into the crowd. “Come on.”
“Uh,” Tommy said, and there was almost like a resistance, suddenly, as if he was contemplating pulling his hand out of Buck’s grip. But then, he relaxed again, and let Buck pull him between the moving bodies. “Okay?”
And Buck smiled as he turned around to face Tommy, and pulled him closer. For a moment, his hands held both of Tommy’s, and for a moment, that was all he really wanted. They got swept up in the music and rhythm and the movement of the people surrounding them. The lights flickered above them.
They didn’t stray too far from each other, but there was a distance between them for the most part. Still, whenever a hand found its way on Buck’s waist, he would grab it and drop it down again, or shake his head without turning around – he wasn’t here to dance with anyone else. The others got the hint pretty quickly. They seemed to be having trouble with Tommy, people coming up to him over and over, stroking hands over his arms that were too familiar for Buck’s tastes, and despite Tommy shrugging them off, there were a couple of people who were very insistent. To the point that Tommy had to gently shove someone a couple of steps away.
Before anyone could get the idea to try again, Buck took Tommy’s hand again and pulled him close, their fronts almost pressed together.
“C’mere,” he encouraged between them, and hoped they were close enough that Tommy could hear him over the music. “Just stay close.”
Tommy seemed hesitant for a moment, but when that insistent person finally backed up, he relaxed a little, and allowed Buck to pull him closer, allowed Buck to guide him into a new rhythm now that they had to be more mindful of each other’s body.
It didn’t take long for the air to charge up between them. The bass was heavy, thundering in Buck’s veins, and the different colored lights flashing played beautifully with the shadows lining Tommy’s face. They weren’t touching in that moment, but Buck couldn’t keep it down. He reached out, and for a moment halted, unsure what to do, but then, his fingers curled into the collar of Tommy’s shirt and pulled him closer.
Tommy followed the pull, and one of his arms came up and around Buck’s back, his hand landing right in the middle of Buck’s lower spine. His breath brushed Buck’s face, and then cooled the sweat on his neck when Buck brought his other arm to rest over his shoulder, encouraging Tommy to lean into him, bring his head closer. Tommy did so readily, and his nose brushed against the side of Buck’s throat.
The song changed, but Buck barely noticed. He was caught in a different rhythm, in a different moment that consisted only of his and Tommy’s presence, and the closeness and the heat growing between them. He buried his face against Tommy’s collarbone, took in the scent of his cologne and his sweat, and panted open-mouthed against his skin, wanted so badly to flick his tongue out and taste.
And it seemed like Tommy was in a similar situation from where he was panting harshly against the side of Buck’s throat where his pulse was thrumming under the skin. Buck could feel a hint of lips, a hint of teeth, and he wished Tommy would bite down. He wished Tommy would take him between his teeth and hold on.
Buck did a full body roll into Tommy, pressed up as tightly was possible against him, curled his fingers into his hair at the back of his head where it was sticky and curly with sweat. He shifted a little, lined them up perfectly, and if he could, he would climb Tommy in the middle of the dancefloor.
“Evan,” Tommy breathed into him, and Buck could only hear him because his mouth was right under his ear, but he would have known which word Tommy was spoken simply by the way he pressed the shape of it into Buck’s skin. “Evan.”
“Fuck, Tommy,” he panted, “pl-”
But before Buck could continue that sentence, before he could beg Tommy to touch him, just shove his hand down Buck’s pants right then and there, or to take him home, or to just finally kiss him, he was left reeling and shocked by the sudden cold that hit his body when the line of heat disappeared from in front of him.
Buck stumbled into a standstill, and for a moment, he looked at Tommy who had almost torn himself away from him. Their eyes met, and Buck didn’t understand the light in Tommy’s eyes, almost something fearful and panicked.
Then, Tommy turned around and disappeared, and Buck couldn’t move, could only watch him because he couldn’t keep his eyes off of him, even when he was walking away as quickly as possible, and he stood in the middle of the dancefloor unmoving, uncaring for the bodies bumping into him. He could only watch Tommy make his way to the door and step out, leaving the club and Buck behind so abruptly that Buck’s brain was having a hard time catching up to what had even happened.
Only when sound returned to Buck’s ears and the world resumed its movement, he still didn’t understand. All he knew was that he’d done something horribly wrong, and that something had caused Tommy to almost violently remove himself from Buck and the situation.
Wow. Okay. So, perhaps Buck had actually truly read all of what they had shared wrong. He remembered how politely Tommy had rejected the man at the bar, and he wondered if he’d been too stupid to realize that Tommy had done the same thing to him the entire time – politely rejecting his advances again and again, too polite to actually say something.
God, no. Despair sunk its talons into Buck’s viscera. Had Tommy actually tried to get him to understand that he wanted nothing from him? No, that couldn’t be. Buck couldn’t have imagined all those glances, those moments of connection. He couldn’t have.
Could he?