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Loop thought, after everything that transpired, they would simply vanish.
The curtains had closed, audience all clapping while the actors took their final bows to fully send off the play, They all could finally leave the stage, abandoning this poor prop behind to rot. Forgotten in the background.
No use.
No purpose left.
So why had the main actor insisted on dragging them along?
Stubbornly Siffrin had held on, refusing to let go- though Loop supposed that was definitely one thing they shared in common- and had spouted some nonsense about how their counterpart deserved a happy ending as well.
Oh how utterly naive their Stardust was.
...Too bad it seemed the Universe was always against Loop.
They don't know why they were so surprised when their presence persisted long after their little tête-à-tête.
It's not like the Universe ever cared for its' worst joke or anything.
By some cruel twist of fate Loop had been pushed back on stage. Some would say promoted even. Cursed to be included in the main cast when all they had wanted was to fade back into the set.
They didn't know how to act with the light on them anymore.
Weeks had gone by since Siffrin had recruited them. The Fighter and Housemaiden, though a bit wary at first, had readily accepted them simply because they both put all their faith in their dear Traveler. Yet Loop felt it in their core whenever a wayward glance happened upon their back every now and again. Despite their trusting nature the Fake could say with absolute certainty that neither members of the Beauty Alliance were dumb enough to let them wander freely. Of course, they weren't the only ones staring daggers. They wouldn't expect anything less from the Researcher.
She and, quite astonishingly, the Kid had not been half as receptive as their fellow family members. Several interrogations accompanied by a plethora of prodding, both metaphorical and quite a few literal much to Loop's chagrin, were commonplace for the elder woman. It was in character for her to be so wary, so imagine their bitter shock when the little chef began joining the sessions.
Logically, they couldn't blame any of them.
If a strange individual came along to spring enough information to help you save the life of someone you deeply cherished and promptly disappeared only to show back up beaten and bruised alongside an equally battered rogue who then proceeded to plead to their group to let them join their party.
Well. Call Loop a paragon of suspicion then.
They certainly would.
Among other things....
But now here they lay, sat upon a rather large root a scant feet away from the fire the Fighter had lit for the night. Their eyes wandered over the hustle and bustle of the others as they chattered, hands weaving rope to mount the tents. A bit too far to fully listen in on their conversation, the few words Loop caught led them to believe they had moved on from discussing dinner to individual tastes in food.
Crossing their arms, the Fake's gaze lingered as the well-built man leaned closer to the Traveler, playful grin on his face. He cupped his large comforting warm hand and whispered in their ear. Whatever he had said left their Stardust bent over in a fit of giggles, beautiful blush blooming across their cheeks. Waves of uncertain emotions (jealousy? hate? anger? longing?) washed over Loop. The only outward sign of their quickly plummeting mood being their grip tightening on their arm.
Almost as if on cue the rogue's lone eye caught theirs. Loop quickly turned away, willing away the mounting warmth from the fire and atmosphere. They shouldn't have been staring so openly because they could hear light footsteps swiftly approach them.
A lithe form leaned into Loop's line of sight, any traces of friendly camaraderie replaced with calm. Shoulders relaxed, breath coming out slow and steady, quite contrary to how Siffrin was acting mere moments ago.
That didn't take away from the immense warmth his expression radiated.
Loop was afraid they would burn up if they stayed near them for too long.
It made sense. Stardust was the real star of the play.
While they were the has-been. The leftovers. The usurped.
Harshly, unforgivingly tossed aside, left-
Gentle hands carefully pried Loop's away into a soft hold. Familiar fingers twined around theirs. The Travler's thumb rubbed circles, a comforting balm from someone so bright. The Fake watched for a beat, long enough for slender digits to thicken, callous palms sweaty in their grasp-
For the life of them, Loop couldn't pull away even if they wanted.
"Hey," Siffrin finally said. "Just wanted to come check up on you."
Loop cocked their head, mask back on. "Like a knight tending to their damsel in distress. How utterly noble of you Stardust!" they cooed. Siffrin let out an amused huff (Stars, when had their annoyance start shifting to actual fondness?) and rolled his eye.
"You know, I do think I remember you calling yourself a maiden...." he said, lips curling like a cat who'd just gotten the cream. Their other half scoffed.
"I'm ever so touched you actually listen to me but we both know that's not why you tip-toed your way over to talk to little old me." Loop squeezed Siffrin's hands firmly. The rogue bit his lip. "Did that Researcher of yours make another comment about yours truly?" Siffrin's pupil glanced quickly at his companions before turning their full attention back to them. Sighing they slowly, almost cautiously like Loop was some blinding animal they feared they would scare off, Stardust pulled themself away and stood up, fiddling with his gloves.
Loop knew what that meant. New nervous habits had started forming not too long after the group set out for Bambouche in response to their hat flying off to realms unknown. Oddly enough the Housemaiden had been the first one to notice. Casually as if speaking of the weather she brought the subject up one afternoon and the rest of the day was spent bonding over learning something new about their beloved family member. The Fake vaguely remembered the bouts of laughter and teasing they'd all shared in favor of spiraling in their own thoughts.
They understood what they really meant.
Differences.
That day was when Loop was struck by reality.
Stardust had began forming differences.
Or maybe they were always there, lurking in the shadows just waiting to creep up on Loop when they least expected.
It sickened them.
They were supposed to be the same person. Supposed to have the same thoughts, the same habits both good and bad, understand each other like no one else ever could because of that. Yes it was true that now the two looked as different as night and day and experienced some things differently in their own separate time loops but-
....Perhaps the dissimilarities had cropped up earlier than they had thought.
The mere idea opened a pit in the depths of Loop's stomach (Stars, did they even have one anymore?), icy cold dripping through their nonexistent veins. Tingling crawled up their arms, under their skin whatever covered their body. All of a sudden the Fake found it hard to breathe, couldn't see- why were their fingers so blinding long-
"Loop."
Tension left Loop's frame like a puppet from its' strings. How fitting for a creature such as them-
"Loop." Siffrin repeated and delicately cupped their face. He brought it up until the pair were face-to-face. This scene was familiar. A flash of a worried smile. Soft hands connected to a plush body. Plump lips moved and nothing came out but a rush of something overwhelmed them anyways.
Safe.
Loop was safe in Siffrin's arms.
"Focus on me. You're okay. Breath in and out. " The Traveler whispered, leaning his forehead against theirs. "You're not in the loops anymore." Loop almost laughed at that.
How was Stardust so close yet so far from the truth?
Just another difference to add to the ever-growing pile.
Loop spoke up. "I'm fine." They put their mask back up, pouring everything into keeping their voice even. "I'm not some fragile piece of pottery, you know. Don't worry your pretty little head about me." Stopping their paltry attempt to pull away when Siffrin tightened their grip, the Fake was practically forced to confront their counterpart.
Any traces of anger or annoyance (like any sensible person would feel) that might've shown on their other's face was absent. Something had changed in his expression. If Loop still had a heart they swear it would be banging against their ribs in recognition.
In want.
Understanding.
A consequence of being the same person Loop supposed.
Well.
Almost anyways.
"Feeling better?" The rogue asked before resting back on his heels, letting his arms fall to his sides. The Fake was about to reply when someone drew near the pair, figure almost blinding as they were back lit from the flames of the campfire.
One that haunts both Loop's dreams and nightmares.
Loop rose from their seat just as Isabeau breached the two's inner circle. "Perhaps I should fetch some more firewood. Wouldn't want us all to catch our deaths of cold now, would we?" They headed off towards the nearby forest but only made it a few steps. Something caught one of their wrists.
They froze.
Warm. Calloused. Familiar but different different different-
The Fake ripped their wrist as if they had been stabbed. With haste they rushed into a cluster of thin trees, barely catching a panicked shout quiet into hushed murmurs. Whatever was said didn't involve them. Shouldn't involve them.
They weren't that important.
As they traveled deeper into the swath of clustered forestry their pace lessened, the faint glow of their spiked dome the only trace of light guiding them save for the whispers of the moon.
Running. Could never stop running could they?
It was quite difficult to keep running when the culminations of all of your problems stood in front of you.
Literally!
After a while Loop broke through the trees. They appeared to be in a field, tall grass interrupted by small smatterings of bright and brightless flowers lazily swinging in the slight breeze. Shivers danced up the Fake's back. Choosing to ignore them, their feet mindlessly marched onward. Petals like silk grazed their legs. Another flash. Loop startled, whipping around for they swore they caught a glimpse of bright billowing fabric.
Pain. Their knees. Their palms. Inside their chest.
They need to rip it out.
Rip. Rip. RIP.
"Siffrin." A soft voice snapped them from the depths of their mind. Mutilated flowers surrounded them, sticky gore painting every crevice of their palms. Loop's vision blurred. A body instead was on the ground. Blood spread, staining the pure grass. Broken bones stuck out from their form, bent at unnatural angles and yet the person reached for them.
Kindness, despite the face he lacked a beating heart.
Suddenly arms trapped them in a sweet tortuous prison. Wonderful yet awful. Pure rapture amongst smoldering self-hatred.
How beautifully paradoxical such a simple concept like touch could be.
How they longed to return the embrace.
But Loop didn't deserve it. Hadn't truly earned it.
So they remained motionless, attention directed at the stars. How long had it been since they felt amazement, felt love and adoration towards those stunning lights in the night sky? They could recognize several constellations, learned and memorized during their little ventures in the King's castle. Back then they had hungered for any gleams of information but now yearned for blissful ignorance.
Why could the stars remain the same while Loop was forever changed?
"Siffrin." Again that blasted name.
Loop pushed their counterpart back. The Traveler gasped as a harsh weight closed around his throat. The Fake hunched over Siffrin and applied more pressure. Anger rang loudly in their head, scorching like a glamorous supernova. Delightful choked pants fell from Siffrin's mouth. Close, so close. This felt right but....
Wrong. Oh so very wrong.
A touch, feather-light on Loop's wrist. Not rough. Not desperate.
Kind.
"You're going to die if you don't do anything!" Loop yelled and squeezed for emphasis. "It's honestly quite pathetic you know. Succumbing to old harmful habits Stardust?" they goaded. When the other remained silent save for his dying breaths, Loop slammed them to the ground. Their own breath hitched. "Say something!"
Siffrin smiled. "Y-ou wo-n't." he wheezed. The Fake faltered before re-doubling their efforts.
"You are far too naive. We're alone. No one else is close by to hear your miserable screams. It would be all too easy." The rouge's eye grew heavy, yet they carried on unbothered by the other's hollow words.
"I tr-ust you."
Loop released Siffrin. Rage still licked at the corners of their skull, lit their nerves ablaze. Channeling it they pounded their fists on either side of their other half's head. Paying no mind to the Traveler's rough coughing, Loop noticed he was still relatively calm, gloved hand going to rub at his sore neck. That infuriated them even more. How could their other half just take asphyxiation in stride? Why was he not shouting, fighting back like any half-wit with any ounce of self-preservation would?
Why didn't Stardust hate them?!
"I hate you." the Fake seethed.
Siffrin chuckled. "I know." He could barely speak above a whisper. "But I don't hate you." Loop broke through the soil, grass and dirt spilling through their fingers.
"You should!" They dug deeper. "I've tried to kill you twice now! I'm a bane, a bother, a threat to you and your precious little family yet still you insist on including me like I actually matter."
"You do." Their counterpart interrupted and raised up on their elbows. Close. Stardust was oh so close. Their brow was furrowed. "And you're not a bother to anyone Loop. Everyone just needs to-"
"Get used to me?" Loop's gaze hardened. "I need you to listen to me Stardust." Pure acid dripped from them, startling Siffrin. Their other half was dead serious now, any vestiges of playfulness completely gone. "They will never care for me the same as they do you. I'm just some creature their darling rogue got attached to who's entire existence, their mere presence is an enigma. For when you," Loop jabs a finger into the Traveler's chest, "keep secrets, they all wait for you to divulge them on your own accord because they all love you." The Fake stopped.
"They love you." The rest of Loop's sentence went unspoken, but it clicked for Siffrin.
They loved him. Not Loop.
Never again.
The major difference between the two.
"....I'm sorry Siffrin."
Loop flinched. "Don't call me that." they hissed, at long last breaking away to rest on their haunches. "I will never be that person ever again."
"Because I took everything from you." The Traveler threw out. "Just like you said, right?" Taken aback Loop thought they could feel something try and claw its' way out of their chest. Several emotions crashed through them all at once.
Ire. Guilt. Aggravation. Frustration. Sadness. Utter loathing.
One stuck out above anything else.
"....You didn't take anything." Loop sighed. Tired. Stars they were just so tired. "The Universe- no." The Fake hung their head. "If anything, I tossed it all away. To escape the role I was cast in I discarded my previous mask." They spread their arms wide. "In the end it was wholly my decision to kill my former self, abandon the people I loved more than life itself for my own selfish desires! So why?!" Arms made a harsh slap as they went limp. "Why do you insist on keeping my rotting corpse of a body alive?"
Deft fingers prodded at the slopes of the Fake's light spikes before brushing against their eyelashes, wiping away the tears that now flowed like a waterfall to fuel the nature down below. When had that happened? My word how embarrassing. Even more so with how Stardust doted over their other like some bonded partner comforting their better half.
"Because I want to help you." Siffrin's eye softened. "Just like you did for me." How.... completely absurd! Loop couldn't help it. It started in the back of their throat until it burst out of them, leaving them a mess of giggles. The mere act caused them to collapse, drained of any energy left. Their counterpart yelped as they were pulled along.
For the next couple of minutes the only noise that came to pass between the pair were the far off calls of birds and crickets. Surely any other animals were winding down for the night. The heat from their confrontation faded, cool air sweeping over them nice and refreshing.
"I lied you know." Siffrin broke the silence.
"Oh really?"
The rogue bobbed their head. "I wasn't coming to check up on you earlier. I actually wanted to ask you a question before I noticed you were acting weird."
Loop snorted. "Pot, meet kettle," they shot back.
"That just means this Pot knows what they're talking about." The joke flowed easily from Siffrin and Loop groaned in distaste. Despite seeming annoyed, he always brightened up when their other half pushed back with their banter. It was different from when his family (minus Isabeau) did it. Somehow it was special. Something only the two could share together.
Almost freeing in a way. Siffrin pushed that into a pile to be mulled over later.
"Well?" Loop prompted.
"Huh?"
"What did you want to ask me, Stardust? Honestly." The Fake inched closer to Siffrin and propped their semblance of a chin on the backs on their hands to properly face the Traveler. "What would you do without me?" Loop teased.
"Actually," he leaned on his forearms, "it's more something Bon Bon brought up that got me thinking." Loop hummed, urging them to continue speaking. "Well...." they rubbed their chin in thought. "I still don't know that much about you. Like, I know it seems dumb but can you even eat?"
"I don't have a mouth." The Fake deadpanned. "Bit hard to without one."
"But you've never tried, right?"
This chat would have irritated Loop if they weren't so focused on just how raw their other's voice was. A lilting tone replaced by low, painful rasps. So pitiful. How depressing. Terrible. Maybe it was the building stone of guilt weighing heavy on them or a bout of insanity that pushed Loop towards vulnerability.
"Of course not." They closed their eyes. "I'm not human anymore. Look at me." Loop vaguely gestured at themself.
Siffrin took a while to thoroughly take in their counterpart. The attention, while deeply uncomfortable, was incredibly gratifying. It brought them back to the last time someone had treated them like that. Beguiling brightless eyes shone with unwavering dedication and affection. Following the curves and lines of his cheekbones lead them to broad lips they had dreamed of kissing senselessly. For the rest of their days if he would have only said yes.
Merely a daydream now. Forever out of their grasp.
"I see me if you didn't help me." Siffrin said. "Someone I'll always be grateful for." As he spoke, the Traveler pulled at the knot of his eye patch, letting it flutter away so their other half could see their face. All of it. Their scar was prominent, jagged line like lightening across their jaw. Idly Loop wondered if their own scar had resembled their counterpart's.
Funny. They couldn't really remember.
Loop understood what the gesture meant. Vulnerability for vulnerability. Or, in their case-
An eye for an eye.
How humorous.
And utterly genuine.
"I was in love with him you know." the Fake blurted, nausea clawing up their throat. Since when were they such a gabber? Stars, what was Stardust doing to them? "I still am." Loop let out a hollow laugh. "How pathetic is that?"
"Loving someone isn't pathetic." Siffrin shifted closer to Loop. He opened his mouth to continue but coughed once, twice, three times. Bruises, barely budding, had already blossomed along their neck, dotting their pale skin as if some being was using their frame to house a new galaxy.
Magnificently tragic.
That about sums up their life!
Though Siffrin felt Loop's piercing look, he shrugged it off. "I'm sorry. It's probably really hard to have Isa so close but...."
"He's not my Fighter." If Loop had lips, they're sure they'd be bloody by now. "A good portion of his characteristics are the same as mine. Kind. Loving. Caring. Loyal to a fault. The most handsome blinding man I've ever met and yet." They shuddered, resorting to fidgeting with their fingers when they clenched nothing but air instead of a familiar hat.
"Yet?" Siffrin gently pushed.
"....He looks at me as if I'm a total stranger." Because they are.
The rogue clicked their tongue. "That's not all, is it?" Oh curse their similar brains!
"He's different than mine." The Fake flopped to the floor and laid their hands on their chest. "The feel of his hands in mine. The freckles across his skin like foreign constellations. His scars. So many things are wrong!" During their tirade, Siffrin joined them, shoulders brushing. Quiet. Waiting for their other half to keep going.
"It's not just him. All of your dearest family have their own differences. They're almost the same but what little sets them apart is enough to.... to...."
This time the Traveler didn't push. Just let the salty tears soak into their hair while Loop struggled to get their words out.
"Make me realize how selfish I am." they choked out. "I've killed them all, will never see them again yet have the gall to try and steal them from you when they would never truly love me like mine used to."
Why were they still here? Where they so obviously didn't belong?
They were exhausted.
"Why don't you leave me here Stardust? I'm sure I serve a better purpose in enriching the flowers here with my husk than burdening your troupe."
"You're not a burden." Siffrin was quick to comfort. "I may have used to find you really annoying-"
"Well I never!"
"But. I've come to really care about you." The rogue scrambled to squeeze their other's hand. "You saved my life Siffrin. I promise to do the same for you."
For some reason that scared them. Such a definite positive statement directed at them was almost alien.
While Loop hated any Gods out there, they could only thank them for crafting this Siffrin better than the first one.
"Thank you, Siffrin."