Chapter Text
Warning: (non explicit) references to canon human experimentation, trauma
Summary:
Uryuu's grandfather always wished Uryuu would have a friend.
Well, that wish came true, but it's brought a lot of consequences that Ishida Sōken probably didn't intend for, and Uryuu is ill prepared to face (until he's not).
Ishida's view on Ichigo losing his powers, how he copes, and how he tries to help.
Somewhere, Ishida Uryuu is sure that his grandfather is frowning in disappointment. Oh, sure, Uryuu knows (intimately, having heard Kurotsuchi Mayuri speak of the various experiments he’d wanted to perform on Uryuu, that he hadn’t been able to practice on the elder Ishida) that his grandfather is dead, and his soul has returned to the cycle of reincarnation. Still, Uryuu is positive that wherever his grandfather’s soul had ended up, it would be frowning at him.
Ishida Sōken had always wanted him to spend more time with children his age, had always wanted Uryuu to have a friend (had always wanted to bridge the gap between Shinigami and Quincy).
Well, he’d had one (and had done as his grandfather had dreamed, even if Kurosaki was not fully a Shinigami, and was never going to fit that mold anyways). Still, Uryuu is sure that he’s never done anything to deserve Kurosaki Ichigo, ever, in this life or a previous one. Whether or not he means that as a compliment to his fellow high school student and former fellow spirit fighter is something that Uryuu will only acknowledge in the depths of the night, or the middle of a fight. Acknowledge and then push aside because it no longer matters.
Uryuu has never believed he’d make a very good friend, after all. He could hardly live up to what expectations his cold bastard of a father set for him, and those were few and relatively far between. If he couldn’t give up protecting, saving, destroying souls for his father, his only remaining family, how could he compromise on this for a friendship?
But, he sometimes thinks that Kurosaki understands (understood) all too well that challenge and compromise. Kurosaki has his sisters to think about, and from what Uryuu knows, the youngest is a pacifist for all her twin is a spitfire that follows in Kurosaki’s footsteps.
(Perhaps too well. He’d seen her around the Shōten, when he was chasing down a random Hollow here and there. Uryuu made an even greater point to avoid the shop after that.)
From the corner of his eye and over the top of his book, Uryuu watches Kurosaki stare out the window. It is…disconcerting, to say the least, that Kurosaki is no longer leaking power like a faucet (not that Uryuu had felt it for those minutes the other teen had transcended and Aizen hadn’t even known). And it is that, that lack of power, which makes it so hard to remember the other teen.
Kurosaki is dead to Uryuu’s senses.
Obviously, the teen is still alive (no doubt the Shinigami would have been the first to know if he’d died and snap him up for their own ends then and there), but he is just another soul in a sea of unremarkable people, for all that his hair still retains its vibrant orange hue.
For that matter, Kurosaki’s behavior allows him to blend disturbingly well into the background with the other students. It hadn’t been an abrupt shift, like his power was intimately tied to his will, his drive (and of course it was, their power is soul deep and Kurosaki has had access to it for…a very long time if not his entire life), and Kurosaki has become…diminished. Kurosaki is no longer the same one that fought in front of and along side Uryuu in his memories and it is painful to see how the lack of power has eroded the strength of his (he can admit it) friend.
Uryuu can also admit, to himself, that such a change is frightening.
~IiI~
The week after Aizen’s defeat, Uryuu had floated around, trying to help when possible, while staying as far away from the remaining Shinigami as he physically could. Sure, he’d been roped into explaining the entire situation to Arisawa, Kojima, and Asano, but he’d needed to be useful in different ways. Uryuu had just spent who knows how long wandering through a hostile dessert, repeatedly fighting for his life and the lives of the others who’d come to save him and Sado. He’d needed to shoot some things that weren’t a major threat to his safety, to not think and decompress.
~IiI~
(Three weeks later, a mysterious package arrives at the Kurosaki’s house, and Inoue and Sado’s respective apartments as well. There are a variety of dresses for Inoue and the girls (some with few to no ruffles for one of the Kurosaki twins who’d prefer it if she never had to wear another skirt or dress despite the uniform she’s forced to don for school), and shirts and other accessories for Kurosaki and Sado. Noticeably, Kurosaki Isshin gets nothing from this mysterious clothes maker.
Kurosaki Ichigo, who notices the abnormal number of crosses on everything – even socks – despite how well the majority have been hidden, smirks faintly. It’s a quick quirk of his lips, but his sisters catch it.
Kurosaki Isshin does not.
The next day, Uryuu will find a Thank-You card on his desk with five signatures, three of which are far more important than the others, and blush at the smirk from Kurosaki, and the smiles from Inoue and Sado.
Uryuu will keep that card as a reminder for years.)
~IiI~
But none of this distracts his mind from the fact – irrefutable – that Kurosaki Ichigo is losing, will lose, his powers.
That his first friend will be forcibly removed from the world that took so much from all of them. And, certainly, nothing forced Kurosaki to go and invade Soul Society to rescue his Shinigami friend. Nothing had forced Kurosaki to regain his powers that first time. Nothing had forced Kurosaki to rescue Inoue.
Except, Kurosaki’s morals had gotten in the way. His righteousness, his heroics, had landed him in the unenviable position of hero, day-saver, and champion. All of these are just nicer titles for scapegoat.
And none of this would have been necessary if it hadn’t been for the damn Shinigami.
Aizen was one of theirs, whose machinations they’d failed to notice, who they should have put down. Aizen is currently languishing in a deep pit (not one deep enough for Uryuu, but he also knows that at this point he’ll approve of exactly nothing the Shinigami do), not dead, and with a release date.
Kuchiki Rukia was one of theirs, who they should have given a better trial, who shouldn’t have tried to circumvent the law if she knew it would bring the Gotei 13 down upon Kurosaki. Kuchiki is alive, well, has avenged her vice-captain, and will move on with her life.
Inoue is one of Kurosaki’s friends, by extension one of Uryuu’s just because it’s hard to knock out Shinigami and steal their subpar clothes with a person and not become friends, and she would have been left to rot by the Shinigami. It was their Soutaichou who refused to listen to reason, to observe logic, and so forced the humans to invade another world (again) to rescue the Time Rejecter.
There are probably other examples (there are definitely other examples), but those cases do not directly affect Uryuu or his…friends.
And none of these makes the fact any less horrific.
Kurosaki will lose his power – a sacrifice meant to protect his friends and family from a larger, more current threat, and that sacrifice leaves him powerless in the long run and Uryuu isn’t sure how to deal with this.
It’s not like it’s something Uryuu can fix with a bit of thread, perhaps some glue, and precise, even stiches. It’s not something Uryuu can fix by becoming even more accurate in his archery, or by doing better on his tests. Or by giving Kurosaki a fruit basket – what would he even say?
So Uryuu tries to ignore it.
Forevermore, Kurosaki Ichigo will be the idiot who talked Uryuu into invading the Soul Society with two other humans and a cat (who might have actually been the former captain of the Onmitsukido…semantics. She was a cat at the time). Kurosaki is the one who allowed (forced) him to become something along the lines of civil acquaintances with the Shinigami that were the former’s friends. Kurosaki is the one whose Hollow stabbed him and then proceeded to obliterate a powerful Espada, only to stop the killing blow, and ask Inoue to heal his opponent because it wasn’t Kurosaki who had defeated him. Moron.
Kurosaki will always be a powerful, brawling idiot who picks fights with supernatural opponents that should be too strong for him to defeat until they aren’t and sometimes, maybe, making friends with those former opponents.
That is what Kurosaki is, and what he will remain to Uryuu.
~IiI~
One day Uryuu wakes up to find a message in his mailbox, hand delivered with no return address, typed and crisp and clean and smelling faintly of cigarette smoke.
It’s a list of psychologists and possibly therapists, who presumably are not going to a) go running for the hills, b) try and lock him up in an asylum, or c) medicate him if Uryuu starts going on about Shinigami and Hollows and wars in the spirit world.
The gesture is…touching, and Uryuu knows enough from the medical books he devoured as a child, and from more recent exploration, that he and the rest of the mostly humans are in dire need of some psychological help. But there’s still this ache in his chest, one that won’t subside – may never subside – that wants to discuss this with his father because…Ryuuken is his father no matter how much Uryuu might want to deny it.
Uryuu sighs, stifling the urge to sob that comes from that aching place in the corner of his chest, and puts the note aside.
He is an adult now. Uryuu is an adult, and if the law says otherwise, it’s clearly not meant for teens that have gone to war and returned as veterans. And Uryuu knows, he knows (he’s done his research, too, knows the consequences of his and the other’s actions), but none of the adults have ever steered him right.
And maybe, maybe there’s the chance that these people will help him and the others (especially Kurosaki) adjust. But that’s a maybe.
Uryuu isn’t going to trust any other adults with his or his friends’ minds when adults are the ones (not the same, but really, how different are they, in the end?) who screwed his friends and him up in the first place.
Still, he keeps the numbers and names. Contingency plans are always better to have than make up on the fly, no matter what Kurosaki seems to think.
~IiI~
Uryuu notices when Inoue and Sado abruptly cease speaking about the spirit worlds with Kurosaki.
More accurately, he notices how Inoue tells Sado about how Kurosaki Isshin had mentioned that it might make Kurosaki more comfortable if they’d stop talking about spirits, since he’d lost his powers.
Inoue, Uryuu is reminded, has never really met Kurosaki Isshin. Or perhaps more accurately, she has never met him in the context of his son, because it is very, very clear that the two of them, together, have a relationship that’s probably worse than the one between Uryuu and Ryuuken. A fairly difficult feat to achieve, and Uryuu isn’t sure if Kurosaki Isshin is quite aware enough to realize just how bad that relationship is between his son and himself.
“Inoue-san,” Uryuu says. “When did you speak with Kurosaki-sensei?”
“Oh, I ran into him while I was heading back from getting groceries yesterday!”
“Really? Did he say why?”
“Why?”
“Why he was saying this – did Kurosaki ask him to say something?” Uryuu tries to keep a lid on his anger. He might see it as them against the world, but…perhaps Inoue sees it differently. Either way, she is not the person at whom he should get angry. Not really.
“No, he just said it and then asked what I was making for dinner. He turned a bit green when I told him daikon, anko, leek, and egg soup, then left.”
“So why do you think that Kurosaki would appreciate us ceasing to speak about the spirit world? He has friends there, and I’m certain he would appreciate knowing how they are doing. He also seems to appreciate knowing how many Hollows we encounter and how our fights go.” Even if it clearly hurts that he can’t join them, anymore.
“But Ishida-kun! Kurosaki-sensei is Kurosaki-kun’s father and he…used to be a… Shinigami…oh.”
Uryuu and Sado grimace, because really, none of them are stupid, least of all Inoue, but sometimes their own personal desires make them blind to reality.
“Yes. But I’m not sure he’s been a very good one.”
“He…isn’t,” Sado says.
“What?” Inoue is a little confused and a little worried.
“He tends to throw and kick Ichigo around, saying it’s training. He’s been doing it for…a very long time.”
“How long?”
“Since before I met Ichigo.”
“Damn,” Uryuu spits. But there’s not a whole lot he can do. He cannot give Kurosaki his powers back. He cannot shoot Kurosaki Isshin full of arrows. And he cannot try and get Kurosaki Isshin put away because that would hurt Kurosaki’s sisters and that would never be acceptable to the other teen.
But, he might be able to get Kurosaki away.
That idea is put on hold, though, when Inoue and Sado, over the course of the next few weeks, cease speaking about the Spirit Worlds to Kurosaki with only vague reasons as to why they are doing so. That’s when Uryuu knows the Shinigami (likely a few very convincing Shinigami) are meddling again, and that he’s going to have to be very, very careful.
He’s already on their radar, which is going to make things even more difficult.
~IiI~
Resolutely, Uryuu also slowly decreases the amount of time he spends with Kurosaki. Admittedly, it’s not all contrived. Uryuu is certainly busy with his clubs and activities and the end of the year is nearly upon them, and then it’s the beginning of next year and nearly summer and Uryuu hasn’t talked to Kurosaki in months.
Uryuu knows his grandfather would be disappointed in him. But hacking, both learning and the process, has taken some work, and so has creating even the fledgling information network he’s been working upon.
(Actually, Kurosaki could probably have built a better one, if he could convince all the idiots to stop fighting him and somehow Uryuu can’t bring himself to be more than exasperated. Typical Kurosaki.)
Despite his packed schedule, both of the activities he’s actually involved in for school and eventually college, and the opportunities he’s trying to create for Kurosaki, Uryuu still notices when the air around Kurosaki changes. He’s still depressed, that’s clear (he’s been isolated, no doubt has at least some trauma from fighting the spirits – realizing he’s fighting and essentially killing people no matter how the Shinigami pretty up the concept with words like “purification”), but he seems to have started working through it somehow.
Uryuu hides his relief and turns away, resuming his work on a new costume for some play or another.
~IiI~
At the end of their second year in high school, there’s a box in Kurosaki Ichigo’s locker. It contains a new passport (which, considering he doesn’t know exactly where his current one is, is a relief), and other documents for identification. There are also a few maps, with certain areas marked in red, others in green. It also contains a copy of a certain list that appeared in Uryuu’s mailbox nearly a year ago – just in case Kurosaki ever wants professional help. The option is there.
Uryuu never sees the expression on Kurosaki’s face when he receives the culmination of a year’s hard work.
(And he wishes he could do more, could be better and could give his friend more options in this lonely, lonely world that’s been created at the whim of ancient souls, who have forgotten what it means to be human and have a life that does not pass at the pace of rocks, with erosion from weathered battles and not years.
Uryuu had wished and wished fervently as he typed and learned and learned and learned. He wasn’t enough to help his grandfather. He’s not sure he’s enough to help his friend.
But damn the Shinigami to Hell (which he has seen and they would deserve to rest in for eternity if they were stabbed with their own precious Zanpakutou), he will at least try to help his friend.
It’s the least he can do. It’s the least he owes him, as a friend.)
Uryuu does, however, see the cross-themed thank you note…attached to an out of season yuzu.
‘Oh,’ Uryuu thinks. He hadn’t realized the Shinigami had gone so far as to separate those two…and he’s not sure if he means Kurosaki Ichigo and Kurosaki Karin or Kurosaki Yuzu and her twin.
Yet another thing for which to hate those meddlers.
But a few months later, there’s another box in Kurosaki Ichigo’s locker, along with some permanent hair dye and a quote from the Bard. Certainly, Uryuu is no Brutus (nor Cassius), but the sentiment is there and he knows that Kurosaki has read enough Shakespeare to know what he means.
(Probably.)
Uryuu doesn’t see much of Kurosaki afterwards, not that they saw much of each other before it.
~IiI~
The day after graduation, Uryuu receives a card in the mail with no return address, presumably hand delivered.
“’Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried/Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel,’ hm?” Uryuu says to his empty apartment, before he chuckles softly. “Trying to channel your sword? That’s what it sounds like, Kurosaki. Although, for your sake, I hope he was less condescending than that hypocritical fool, Polonius.”
The card is placed in a book on his bedside table. It’s a fit of sentimentality that Uryuu hopes won’t end with him killed or imprisoned and an experiment (but then, he’s been expecting that for years after the fights against Aizen). Then Uryuu wanders back into his kitchen area to prepare for the inevitable interrogation.
As always, comments are appreciated!
You can also find me on tumblr: fins-illusion.tumblr.com to check and make sure I'm still around when my muse isn't going crazy. I'll be on there more often now that I got over whatever bug I had earlier this week.