Work Text:
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;"
- William Wordsworth, I wander lonely as a Cloud (1807)
There are few things on this earth that Angeal values more than silence. He’s not exactly what one would call an introvert, nor is he someone that needs excessive amounts of alone time like Genesis and Sephiroth sometimes do. However, he has always understood the value of moments of comfortable silence. Times when there is nothing to say and so you simply don’t say anything at all. Being Zack’s mentor meant that he rarely got those moments anymore, so when they came, he enjoyed them for what they were, simple and replenishing.
This was not that.
The day had been going alright as far as his working schedule was concerned. Having never been one to categorise days by their good or bad moments, Angeal instead defined a day by its productivity and enjoyment. Today was relatively productive, and -though not particularly memorable- nothing had otherwise exploded, been broken or descended into anarchy. All in all, not a day he’d be citing as the reason for his headache in a hurry. So why did something feel off about it?
Doing a mental check of everything he’d set out to do today, Angeal then went through the general consistencies that typified his every day. Breakfast with Gen, Check; two hours of reports and paperwork, check; Coffee break with Seph that turned into making sure the man ate something that day, check; Training with Zack, check; finishing up paperwork until Gena got bored and came to distract him… Angeal frowned to himself, then looked at the clock.
That was it. He hadn’t even realised that he had gone the whole day and had only seen Genesis this morning at breakfast. This wasn’t necessarily unusual for them, after all both men were First Class SOLDIER’s and sometimes that meant being pulled away for missions in the middle of the day. or going weeks without seeing each other because of long tours in Wutai or some other politically unstable area. The fact that Genesis had not been in today usually meant he had been sent off on some job Seph was avoiding like the plague, except usually he at least shot Angeal an irate diatribe. At the very least he would get a ‘Going to be radio silence for a few days, love you, see you soon x’ text. The fact that he now looked down at his phone to find it blank was concerning.
Deciding he better just check Gen’s office to be sure, Angeal grabbed his PHS and wandered down the hall to investigate. He was likely just being paranoid, but as the old saying goes ‘silence is golden, unless you have a Genesis and then silence is suspicious… very suspicious’. Frankly it was a saying he lived by, mostly because if he didn’t things tended to catch fire.
Reaching Gens office, he finds that there’s soft light filtering out from under the door, which was reassuring. Light meant Genesis was in his office. It didn’t guarantee that he was working but Angeal had long since learned to celebrate small wins where he saw them. Lights meant no fires, or at the very least a smaller blast radius.
Opening the door, he was immediately confronted with the fact that Genesis wasn’t at his desk. His coat was draped over the back of the chair but Genesis himself was not-
A sniff sounded to Angeal’s right, making him jump a little. He quickly composed himself when his eyes shot in the same direction of the sniff, locking on to the lump of blankets on the couch next to the desk that Gena had insisted had been for pastoral purposes. Angeal knew it was really for him to take naps and read on again, he’s choosing his battles. The lump sniffed again, this time visibly jerking as a breath hitched in the blanket person’s throat.
“Gena?” Angeal called, coming over to crouch next to the person shaped lump. A little whine sounded as he placed a hand on Genesis’ back gently.
“Gena what happened?”
The sniffing dissolved into what Angeal assumed was renewed sobbing given that Genesis had retreated to a curled-up state, his whole body shaking with the force of the sobs. Angeal felt his heart break a little at the sight. He had never liked seeing Genesis cry, especially not like this. The red head didn’t do it very often – far too proud to let other people see this kind of weakness on him, but when he did it was like rain after extreme heat. Sometimes Angeal thought it was because Genesis supressed the need so much that he exploded, other times he knew it was because as soon as Gena started, he rarely knew how to stop.
Patiently he waited for Genesis to calm, and when it was obvious he was struggling to Angeal wiggled his arms under Genesis’ curled up body, lifting him to sit in Angeal’s lap. It took a little bit of wrangling but eventually he had Genesis in a position suited to wiping his lovers tears away as more appeared.
“Talk to be beautiful, what’s got you so worked up?” he soothed gently.
Genesis hiccupped as he attempted to speak.
“I-I-“ he gasped with the effort. “I d-don’t me-ean to b-be annoying!” he sobbed again.
Angeal frowned. He began rocking slightly without noticing he was doing it. Genesis wasn’t a baby, but he seemed soothed by the movement if the way he leaned more heavily on Angeal was anything to go by.
“Who said you were annoying?” he tried very hard to keep the anger out of his voice. Now wasn’t the time and it wasn’t Genesis he was angry at.
“Nobody said it. B-b-b-ut I c-can see it on peoples f-faces when I sp-peak. They w-wish I-I wouldn’t.”
He dissolved into tears again at, what Angeal suspected, he thought to be the truth in his words. Genesis had always been very sensitive rejection to any kind. It had caused him no end of troubles ever since they were little; times when the other kids would groan at his attempts to share knowledge with them, or moments when someone he admired greatly, like Sephiroth, would cut their eyes across him as if judging his existence. He felt the pain keenly with every word people spoke to him no matter the intention behind it.
“Gena, baby, nobody thinks that, what triggered this hm? Or go you not know?” Genesis shook his head, which was confusing. Luckily for Angeal, he seemed to have gotten his voice back under him a little.
“I was speaking with some thirds this morning about Loveless. And no, I didn’t entrap them! They had gone to see the most recent production, and I was curious what they thought of it.”
Angeal didn’t interrupt him, simply waiting for Genesis to say his piece.
“One of them, Alber I think, said she didn’t understand most of it, which is fine, truly it is fine. I have long since accepted that not everyone appreciates nor understands the subtle intricacy the ancient word, but when I tried to help her understand they all- they- they all m-made quick excuses as to w-w-why they c-couldn’t stay!”
Ah, that made sense. The thing was, Genesis could be… intense when it came to LOVELESS. He knew everything there was to know, and he liked to talk about these things. He was like that with most of his interests. Before Loveless it had been the science behind pasteurisation and learning how to transport Dumb apples. Before that? Well before, during and even now, Genesis Cloud be just as intense about Sephiroth. When he knew something, he wanted you to know it too.
It wasn’t a bad thing, at least not to Angeal, but he was aware other people didn’t see it that way. All of their lives Angeal had been witness to people telling Genesis to shut up. Shut up about it Rhapsodos, we don’t care. He’d watched Genesis, not just shut up, but shut down too. He’d watched the confusion and the hurt take over his features as he tried to figure out where he’d mis-stepped, but inevitably never could.
Angeal hated watching it happen. He hated even more that this was the result of it; Genesis crying because he didn’t understand where he’d gone wrong.
Angeal ducked his head to kiss Gen’s temple, keeping his lips pressed there for a few seconds longer as he let Genesis cry. He quickly ran through possible remedies in his mind before coming to a decision.
“Hey Gena?” he moved Gen away to get a better look at his face. Sure enough, it was tear stained and blotchy. “How about we have a movie night tonight hm?”
“A movie night?” Gen sniffed back in confusion?
“Yeah, we can put on your favourite adaptation, and you can tell me everything you were going to tell Alber. I’ll make us popcorn so you can throw it at the screen when Varvados shows up,”
Genesis stares at Angeal for a good-few-seconds making Angeal squirm under the intense scrutiny.
“What?” he chuckles nervously.
“Nothing it’s just…” Genesis Sniffs again and rubs at his irritated eyes. “I just really love you is all.”
Angeal softened at that. All it ever took to hear that from Genesis was being genuinely accommodating to him. It was kind of heartbreaking in a way, but Angeal chose to see it as endearing.
“Come on then, we’ve got a movie date to set up,”
He lifted Genesis with an exaggerated Grunt, placing him on his feet. It got him a light punch in the arm for his efforts but that was okay.
Anything to make Gena smile like that again.