Work Text:
Buck walked into the tiny office with a sense of trepidation. Mr. James shut the door behind him and then shuffled around to the other side of the desk. Between two large men, the desk, and the filing cabinets, there wasn't much space for him to move.
When James was situated, he grabbed a folder and pulled out a small packet of paper, which he passed to Buck.
"OK, let's get into it. We got the responses to your second step grievances, and I figure we'll start with the easier one. Management did agree about the supplemental pay issue, so you'll get that backpay. They also agreed to one additional month of supplemental so you have a little time to decide what to do about the other grievance. The calculations are all in that packet, but it's the same as what we discussed last time. Any questions?"
Buck forced himself to relax his hands before he completely destroyed the paper he was holding. "What, uh, what decisions? You said, uh, about the other grievance?"
"We'll get to that. You understand about the workers' comp supplement? I'll need you to sign off if you agree."
Buck nodded jerkily. "Yeah, I understand."
James put another piece of paper on the desk, and Buck signed without reading.
"And the other grievance?"
"That one was denied," James said firmly.
Buck frowned and looked down at the papers he was mangling. "So we do a third step grievance, right? And then, um, arbitration?"
Mr. James cleared his throat and grimaced. "The LAFD has cleared you to go back to work, but Captain Nash is relying on the NFPD standards." A pit was growing in Buck's stomach as he listened. "Management has decided that that's reasonable and the union lawyer thinks an arbitrator would agree with them, especially since there are other jobs you could do. So, I can help you with a third step grievance, but the union won't provide representation if you decide to take it to arbitration.
"You do have other options, though. Other captains won't disqualify you for the blood thinners, so you can transfer to a different station or work as a floater for a bit. They gave us a shortlist of openings for you."
Buck felt like he was drowning. He'd been swimming against the tide, thinking he was going towards land, and now there was nothing. "Can... Can I take some time to think about it?" he asked in a rough voice.
"Yeah," James said softly. "You have time."
Buck nodded and stood to leave, but James's voice pulled him back before he reached the door.
"Buck," he said, "I've been a firefighter for a long time. I've known a lot of people who made their team their family and made the job their life. And, Buck? It never ends well. They get hurt, or get old; they can't work anymore and then what? They get drunk or angry. They hurt themselves and the people around them."
Buck shuffled his feet and looked at James again, saw the grey hair and the deep frown lines on his face, and didn't know what to say.
James sighed at him. "You can be a firefighter again, but you won't be one forever. Join a club or find some volunteer work or whatever, but find something outside of the job to keep you going, OK?"
Buck nodded jerkily. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll do that."
He left before James could say anything else, walking quickly until he hit the bright LA sun. He took a moment to feel the full weight of his grief. He'd spent so long searching for a place he'd belong, for people who'd love him, and he thought he'd finally found it, but it was obvious now that they didn't care about him the way he cared about them.
He took a deep breath and went to his jeep. He'd started over before. He could do it again.