Chapter Text
“Wha-what do you mean you’re leaving?” memory-Ed asked memory-Stede, devastatingly quiet. Now-Stede grimaced as he watched those wide brown eyes fill with tears. Edward’s face was set with a combination of hurt, disbelief, and anger. It’s early in the morning–Stede hadn’t slept and he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
They’re standing in Ed’s apartment, on either side of the living room. Memory-Stede’s arms are crossed over his chest, his back hunched forward as he curls in on himself, while Ed has both his hands on the back of a chair, leaning forward and digging his fingers into the upholstery. Now-Stede started to turn towards the wall, placing a hand over his face, hiding. Hot tears prick in his eyes as he remembers the argument. It was their first fight. Their only fight, really, because Stede ran away.
“Uh uh,” a voice sounded from just behind his ear.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Now-Stede exhaled, startled by dream-Ed scowling at him from mere inches away. “Can’t you just leave me be?”
“Nope!” Dream-Ed pops the ‘P.’ “If you’re erasing this to absolve yourself of your sins, least you could do is relive it one more time.”
“But why!? I already know I was wrong. Why do I need to see it again in HD?”
“Because you owe me that!” Dream-Ed snapped. “If you’re going to forget this, at least look at me this time. Listen to me.”
“You think I didn’t then!?” Now-Stede’s voice was high and hysterical.
“No! Otherwise you wouldn’t have left me!”
“I just—it doesn’t matter! I can’t change it!”
“No, but you can change.” Dream-Ed’s breath was almost hot against his ear, as he turned Now-Stede to face their memory counterparts. He kept his eyes on the pair, even as tears track down his face like acid. He listened to the next words that came out of his memory-self’s lips.
“I—“ memory-Stede’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “I—there’s no one else. I have to go be principal at Bonnet Industries.”
“You cannot be serious,” memory-Ed scoffed, shaking his head.
“What?”
“Seriously Stede? No one else? One of those Badminton fucks or that prick Banes couldn’t take over? God knows your old man had them competing against each other for it.”
Stede sputtered. “It’s not like he left me with that option, Ed! It’s laid out in his will—“
“You told me he wrote you out of his will.”
“I thought he did! When Mary and I divorced he said he did, but surprise! It was just another manipulation tactic.”
“And now you’re just gonna roll ov—“
“I am not rolling over!”
“You are! The bastard is dead, but at the snap of his corpsey fingers off you run,” memory-Ed interrupted, using his fingers to pantomime running away. “You fucking hate your job.”
“I do not hate my job.”
“Yes you fucking do! And you hate the company! You think I don’t see the dread in your eyes on Sunday nights? Those jokes about running off to sea are starting to sound less like jokes, mate.”
“Oh and I suppose you’re so excited to head into Blackbeard’s every day? You think I don’t see you ignoring Izzy’s calls?”
“This isn’t about me—"
“Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, Ed.”
“Oh come off it, mate. I will readily admit that Blackbeard’s has become a grind. I don’t want to be there anymore, but I’m also not the one willfully diving into more responsibility there!”
“Only because you own it and literally could not take on more responsibility. You’re at the top!”
“What if I wasn’t?” memory-Ed bursted out, throwing his hands up before walking around the chair, sitting down hard like a puppet with its strings cut. He looked exhausted, arms and legs flopping loosely around him.
“What does that mean?”
“I’ve been thinking about packing it in. Selling the place,” memory-Ed mumbled, scrubbing his hands over his face.
“Y-you have?” Memory-Stede’s voice caught on the words. “N-not because of me, right?”
“No, been thinking it since before we met. It just—Never mind.” Memory-Ed leaned forward and dropped his head in his hands.
“No, what?”
“It didn’t matter if it was a grind, before I met you. I could have retired, gone away, whatever, but it didn’t matter before,” he sighed, “before you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you.”
“What does that mean?”
“Fuck man, I don’t know. I just…I thought that’s all there was. Stuck in my shit with Jack, work until I’m dead. Find what happiness I could in the good shit.”
“The good shit?” memory-Stede asked, cautiously approaching memory-Ed.
“Yeah, you know. Warmth. Good Food. Intercourse.” Memory-Ed looked up, pausing, “Well—you know. Orgasms.”
“I see.”
“But Stede, man. With you, I can see the way out. You opened up my world beyond just white knuckling it through another day.”
“Now, really, I don’t think—“
“Nuh uh. You don’t get to argue with my lived experience.” Memory-Stede pressed his lips into a thin line, biting back the response already sitting on his tongue. Now-Stede could remember—another denial, something self-deprecating. Instead he knelt in front of Memory-Ed, putting his hands on the other man’s knees. Memory-Ed’s eyebrows turned up in a pleading expression. “I can’t go back to it.” His voice broke. “I can’t live like that again.”
“Edward,” memory-Stede soothed, rubbing circles on the man’s legs with his thumbs. “No one said you have to.”
“Well then what the fuck? Why are you leaving me?”
“I’m not just leaving you.”
“No! You’re leaving everyone who cares about you. Going back to a den of goddamn vipers who have always fucking tormented you.”
Memory-Stede reared back like he had been slapped. “That’s not—“
“It is true. The Badmintons especially! Don’t act like I haven’t heard your old schoolboy stories.”
“It’s about duty, Ed.”
“Bullshit. You don’t owe them anything.”
“It’s what I was always meant to do.”
“That’s a fucking cop out and you know it! You don’t have to do this. You don’t! And you’re just too afraid to admit the truth: going back to a place you know feels safer than taking a chance.”
It was memory-Stede’s turn to scoff. “Please. Taking a chance on what?”
“On us!” Memory-Ed practically shouted. He crouched off the chair so he was on the ground, closing the gap between them. “There is so much…potential here.” He tapped his own chest, then memory-Stede’s, “Don’t you feel it?”
Quietly, so quietly that Now-Stede could only make out the word because he remembered it on his lips, memory-Stede breathed, “Yes.”
Memory-Ed took memory-Stede’s hand in his and pressed it to his chest. “For the first time, in a long time, you made me ask myself what makes Ed happy.”
“And?”
“I reckon what makes Ed happy is…you.” The words are a gift, tentatively nudged over for the other man to hold. Memory-Ed’s eyes are soft as they search memory-Stede’s face to see if they’ll be cradled or crushed, fear and vulnerability plain there.
“You make Stede happy.”
A smile broke over memory-Ed’s face, lighting it up and making his eyes sparkle. He took memory-Stede’s face in his hands and kissed him, chastely. It wasn’t their first kiss, but it felt new, like a promise. Like a beginning.
“Then stay, Stede. Jump into the unknown with me.”
Memory-Stede closed his eyes and dropped his head back with a sigh, before looking into memory-Ed’s eyes. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes," Stede whispered.
Ed leaned forward again, trapping Stede’s lips in another kiss, this one more passionate. Stede’s hands left their stations on his own thighs and flew to Ed’s hair, tangling his fingers in the curls. A little gasp escaped his lips.
Tentatively, Ed’s tongue traced along Stede’s bottom lip. The kiss deepened and became more passionate, desperate. Ed’s hand dropped from the other man’s cheek to his back, crushing Stede’s body to his own. Stede eagerly obliged, letting himself be pulled in and licking into Ed’s mouth.
Now-Stede’s hand went up to his mouth, almost reflexively, fingers grazing the tender skin there. He can feel the echo of the other man’s touch. The blond tried to turn his face, to block out the memory as it unfolded, but found that dream-Ed’s chin was resting on his shoulder, preventing him from fully turning away. “Please,” Stede begged quietly. “Please, I don’t think I can watch this.”
“I think it’s important that you do. This is the last time you’ll get to see it after all,” dream-Ed explained, clapping his hand on the shoulder not occupied by his chin.
“It—it is. The last…” he exhaled hard, “the last time,” a fresh batch of tears spilled over his cheeks.
“Mmmm, yeah. Didn’t think about losing this, did you?”
“No, I did. I just…” his words trailed off to indecipherable mumbles.
“What was that?”
“I just didn’t think it would hurt so bad,” now-Stede enunciated, a touch too loud. “To—to know it would be the last time. For sure. Forever.”
In front of them, the memory versions of themselves had gotten up off the floor together, not bothering to break their kisses for more than a few seconds, stumbling backwards toward Ed’s bedroom.
Hands became greedy, pulling ineffectually at clothes. Memory-Ed dropped his mouth to memory-Stede’s neck, and the blond moaned. He kept his hands in Ed’s hair, turning his face up and stretching his neck to grant access to the space there. Ed was hungry, alternating bites and tender licks soothing the skin. Stede’s fingers tightened in the long, gray curls and Ed groaned.
They toed off their shoes while Ed tugged down the shoulders of Stede’s suit jacket. He pulled his arms out one by one, letting the jacket fall to the floor, then pulled up on the hem of Ed’s shirt. He managed to tug it over Ed’s head and threw it haphazardly, not seeing as it landed over a lamp. Their kisses were more frantic now, tongues and teeth as they got closer to their prize.
Ed unbuttoned Stede’s shirt with surprising dexterity without looking down. Stede groped down the other man's back and squeezed his ass. “Need to be inside you,” he moaned against Ed’s lips.
“Yes, please,” he panted back, Stede reaching deftly to the waistband of his pants and untying the drawstring. Ed unbuttoned the blond’s trousers. They both roughly pushed them down, along with their underwear, pulling their feet free from the tangle of clothes, Stede also fully divesting himself of his shirt. Fresh tattoos are visible on each of their chests, no longer tender or uncomfortable. Ed dragged his index finger over the crisp black lines on Stede’s chest, making him shiver.
“Are you ready for me?” Ed breathed. Stede nodded frantically, pulling Ed back in for a kiss, then dragging his lips, tongue, and teeth down the other man’s neck. Stede was pulled forward by Ed, who dropped back onto the sheets, taking Stede with him. The couple scrambled up the bed, Ed retrieving the lube from his nightstand and handing it over to his lover.
“I can’t wait to feel you,” Stede whispered, now on his knees between Ed’s legs. “You’re so beautiful; I’m so lucky to see you like this.” The pillows and blankets had never looked so fetching as they did under those miles of smooth brown skin.
Ed keened at the compliment and pulled his knee up so that Stede could access his entrance more easily. Stede teased one finger against that tight muscle before pushing in, marveling at how beautifully Ed had opened up for him.
“So perfect. You’re going to look divine as I make love to you,” Stede cooed as Ed whimpered. He crooked his fingers, grazing along that bundle of nerves, making the other man arch up off the bed. Pausing for a second, Stede looked around for a moment before he found what he was looking for and tucked a cushion under Ed’s hips.
“Fuck, Stede, please,” Ed whined, desperate to be filled again, either with Stede’s fingers or his cock.
Stede’s cock was hard and leaking, and bobbed at the sound of his lover’s sharp need. It was so goddamn enticing, so intoxicating. Chuckling giddily, Stede slicked up his cock and rubbed the tip of his prick over Ed’s hole.
“Ple-ease,” Ed moaned, breathing heavily. His plea was broken off as Stede started pressing in. Slowly, in shallow thrusts, Stede entered him, pouring more lube as he went to ease the slide. His eyes were wide as he got to experience every new inch of Ed, hot and tight around him.
When he was fully seated within Ed, he stopped, staring into the other man’s eyes, overcome with emotion at the thought of being together like this. He reached up to brush a thumb over Ed’s cheek, taking note of the adoring gaze settling on him like a warm blanket.
Watching Ed’s face, Stede didn't wait for direction, but began slowly moving. They both dropped their mouths open at the feeling of Stede’s hard length gliding over his inner walls. Stede bracketed Ed’s head with his forearms so their noses were mere inches apart. Ed wrapped his arms and legs around Stede, digging his fingertips and his heels into the other man’s back.
“Darling, you feel so perfect. So good for me,” Stede mumbled before dropping his head a little to kiss Ed gently, reverently. It was in direct contrast to his quickening thrusts.
Ed wasn’t able to speak, just letting out hitching breaths and little grunts every time Stede’s hips slid met his. After a few moments, he collected himself. “More,” he rasped, tightening his fingers until the tips turned white.
Stede smiled and brushed a kiss on the other man’s cheek before sitting back on his knees, and bringing Ed’s legs up to his shoulders. He leaned forward and gave Ed a harder thrust. Not rough, but firm. Ed’s hands flew to the pillow behind him, digging his fingers into the down, nearly threatening to tear it apart. He cried out as memory-Stede did it again, this time brushing across his prostate.
“Like that?”
“Yes,” he gasped, “Please.”
Grinning like a wolf, he obliged, increasing the speed and power of each move until the only noises in the room were the rapid slaps of skin on skin, Stede’s heavy breathing and grunts, and Ed alternating between babbling praise and little ah ah ah’s.
“You’re too good, I’m not going to last,” Stede warned, taking his hand and wrapping slick fingers loosely around Ed’s flushed cock, pulling at him in time with each movement, Ed letting out a high-pitched whine as he got closer to oblivion.
It took nearly no time at all, as Ed started spilling over Stede’s fist. He kept his hand there, stroking Ed through his orgasm. Drops of come clung to his chest and pooled on his belly.
Frantically, Stede chased his own pleasure, knowing that soon his partner would become tender and too sensitive. It didn’t take long, but he finally fell over that edge, pulsing inside Ed for what felt like ages.
It was the best orgasm Stede could remember having, including the other record-breaking ones he had already had with Ed.
When they stilled, Stede draped himself over Ed, planting sweet kisses on the skin he could reach before Ed whimpered, overstimulated. He eased himself out and padded into the bathroom in search of a cloth.
Once they were clean, Stede wrapped Ed up in his arms and hummed. Both men fell asleep, warm and comfortable.
Blinking and looking around, now-Stede was surprised to see that all the other details of Ed’s bedroom had disappeared. They were surrounded by white in every direction. He whipped his head back around to the bed that still lay in front of him, just in time to see the middle opening up like a sinkhole and swallowing both of them.
“No!” He cried, desperate for the past version of himself to have just a few more minutes there. “Please,” he whispered as he leapt forward to try and grab an arm, a leg, something to heave them back up, out of the devouring darkness. His hand passed through them.
He stared forlornly at the bed as it too began to disintegrate in front of him, breaking down and falling apart. A sob tore from his lips as the last good memory he had with Ed disappeared.
Now-Stede brushed a tear from his cheeks, surreptitiously looking at dream-Ed. “I really didn’t think I was enough.”
“Stede,” dream-Ed whispered. “You were everything.”