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"Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
When Noelle had asked him that question, Krouse hadn't thought much of it, so he'd answered simply:
"A worm? Nah."
She had frowned at the reply, and Krouse had immediately backtracked. He'd tried to explain that just because he wouldn't love worm Noelle didn't mean that he didn't love her. In fact, it was because he loved her he couldn't love worm Noelle, because he loved every part of her. Her gentle eyes and her soft hair, her clever thoughts and her immense creativity… all things a worm didn't have. But no matter what he said, her mood hadn't lifted.
When he had answered her question, he had never imagined he would find himself in her abandoned room, in front of a pile of her clothes, gazing in horror at the worm that squirmed within.
"Are you trying to say that… that's Noelle?"
After Krouse had gotten over the shock, he'd coaxed Noelle into his hand, carried her back to his house, and called the team over. Now, everyone was gathered around the shoebox he'd put her in.
"Yup."
Marissa furrowed her brow at his response. She probably didn't believe him, but he wouldn't have believed himself either, so that was fair.
"This is a pretty sick joke to play, Krouse," Jess said, scowling. "Do you think you're the only person who misses her? We're her friends."
"Trust me, Jess," he said, scowling back. "I wish I was joking."
Luke sighed. "Krouse, you've been pretty stressed since Noelle went missing, and when you get stressed, you have a tendency to… think ahead of yourself. Maybe slow down, think about this for a moment?"
"I know that I sound crazy—"
"You are crazy," Jess interjected. "People don't just turn into worms—"
"—but hear me out."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Luke scowl, then pull out his phone. The corner of Krouse's lip twitched downward when he saw Luke start typing.
He ignored it. "The Meinhardts said that Noelle went missing in the early morning. They think she snuck outside—"
"They think she snuck out to meet with you." Marissa said.
"—But she hadn't, which my mom can verify. They think that while she was out, someone took her. But they only think that because they don't know Noelle like we do." Not like I do, he thought.
"Maybe we didn't know her as well as we thought," Oliver whispered. Because of course the only time he'd open his mouth, it'd be to say something useless.
Why was he even here? Krouse hadn't called him over because he wasn't part of the team. He hadn't invited Cody for the same reason. He guessed one of the girls invited him over, because while he wasn't part of the team, he was Noelle's friend. But only barely, in the sense they were only friends because their moms were close.
"We know Noelle. She isn't the type of person to sneak out, especially not in the morning. She hates getting up early. Besides, actual kidnappings don't really happen like that. Kidnappers usually have a reason, and the Meinhardts aren't rich and nobody hates Noelle enough to do something like that to her." Maybe if Cody lost his mind… but while Krouse didn't think much of Cody, even he didn't think he was the type of person to do something like that.
"So if it's not kidnapping, the other explanation is that she ran away, but we know her well enough to know that's not it. She had Ransack and us, and plans for the team."
"She could be dead," Jess said quietly.
"No," Krouse said. "Not likely."
"Less likely than her becoming a worm? Seriously?"
Someone knocked on the door.
"Francis? Another of your friends is here!" his mom said.
"Fucking hell," Krouse muttered, shooting Luke a look. Luke glared back.
Cody entered, looking as annoyed as ever. Then, he walked straight up to Krouse and leaned into his face.
"What the hell are you doing, Francis? Noelle's your girlfriend, and now that she'd missing, you thought it was high time to play one of your stupid pranks?"
"Your breath stinks," he replied, and became immediately amused at how quickly Cody's face turned red.
"You think this is a game, don't you? A fun little mystery you get to solve out to rescue your pretty little damsel, huh? Well, news flash, this isn't some fucking fantasy where you get to make up whatever suits your narrative."
"And what have you been doing, nice guy? Have you ever thought about doing anything other than crying on your ass about how much you hate me?"
"Guys, chill." Luke said.
Krouse sighed dramatically, glaring at Luke. "Can't even get space from Cody in my own home."
"Okay, um…" Marissa cleared her throat. "If Noelle isn't missing or… dead… what makes you think she's a worm?"
"Right, as I was saying…" Krouse raised his eyebrows, staring at Cody until he got a hint and backed off. "I thought things weren't adding up, so I visited Noelle's room."
Marissa frowned. "No way her parents let you in. They don't trust you."
"They don't, and I know that. So I didn't ask."
"Krouse, what the hell?" Jess looked more pissed than he'd ever seen her, which was saying something.
"She keeps her window unlocked, and I know Noelle trusts me not to poke my nose into anything she doesn't want me to."
Marissa looked deeply unhappy at that. "I don't—"
"But what I found was a full set of clothes—sweater, sweatpants, you know—abandoned on her bed and inside those clothes…"
He gestured towards the worm in the middle of their circle.
"And besides that, before she went missing, she asked me a question."
"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" Marissa asked.
Krouse blinked. "Uh… that was it, yeah."
Marissa went pale. "She asked me that too."
"She… she asked me that too!" Oliver said.
Krouse saw everyone's expression shift. "Did she ask everyone?"
Exchanging glances at each other, eventually everyone nodded, even Cody.
"I told her I would," Oliver said, completely unprompted. The others nodded in agreement.
"I mean, yeah, what asshole wouldn't?" Jess mumbled.
"Then it seems like Noelle knew this would happen to her," Krouse said. "Still don't believe me?"
Jess frowned at the shoebox and the worm squirming within. "It is odd that the worm is still alive. If this was a normal earthworm, and you really found it in Noelle's room, it must have been aboveground for a while to get there, and adding the time it takes to get her place to here and the time we've been talking… I'm surprised it hasn't dried out by now."
Krouse made a mental note to add damp soil to the shoebox as soon as possible while he smiled. "See? More proof."
Everyone was staring at the shoebox with increasing horror when Cody scoffed. "What the fuck are you talking about? That's enough to convince you guys?"
"I mean, Jess makes a good point," Luke said.
"So it's a weird worm, that doesn't mean it's Noelle! Krouse is just delusional, and your just eating his shit up like everyone always does! That thing isn't Noelle, it's a worm! I'm not going to treat some random bug like it's Noelle!"
"Then don't." Krouse crossed his arms. "Leave."
Cody looked around, an incredulous expression on his face. When no one spoke up, he threw his hands up in the air.
"You're all fucking crazy," Cody hissed, then he left, slamming the door behind him.
"Guess he lied, then," Krouse said. "What about everyone else?"
"Of course we still love her!" Marissa said. "We'll take care of her for however long this lasts!"
"She's still our captain," Jess said. "We'll take care of her like she took care of us."
"I won't abandon her," Luke said.
Oliver didn't say anything, but he nodded. Couldn't he even be bothered to say anything his childhood friend? Whatever.
"Well, that's everyone." Krouse grabbed the shoebox, lifting it gently. "Which means the first thing we've got to do is get some dirt before Noelle dries out."
The first person to abandon Noelle was Luke.
To Krouse, Luke had always been the closest thing he had to a brother. They'd known each other since they were kids, and, growing up together, he had learned who Krouse was, better than Krouse knew himself. That's why, when he'd left, it had almost felt worse than when he'd heard Noelle had gone missing. Almost.
Jess left next, and while that hadn't hurt as much as Luke, it still hurt. While they were always at odds, he'd always respected her. She was smart, and if she thought like all their efforts were for nothing, then it was enough to give him doubt. But doubt could be conquered, and he conquered it for Noelle's sake.
Marissa was next, and that surprised him. She and Noelle had been best friends, and Krouse knew that if it had been Luke that had become a worm, he wouldn't have abandoned him lightly. Marissa tried to get him to leave too, but the more he heard her talk, the more he thought that Marissa and Noelle weren't as close as he'd thought.
Now, the only people watching over Noelle was him and Oliver, of all people.
He was scattering leaf litter over the dirt when Oliver spoke.
"You can't even see her anymore."
"That makes sense. Earthworms live underground."
"Noelle hated dark, confined spaces. She wasn't afraid of them, but…"
Krouse simply huffed in response.
"I know…" Oliver glanced at Krouse, then continued staring at the box they made Noelle's home. "I know you don't like me."
"Yeah?"
"Maybe you think you're subtle, or maybe you thought were subtle before this whole debacle stressed you enough for you to stop caring, but I've always known."
"You think everyone hates you."
He chuckled, even though Krouse had been serious. "Yeah, that's the problem, right? But at least I know I've got a problem. You think you're so clever, on top of everything, but this…"
He gestured at Noelle's home. When they'd learned that earthworms liked to burrow, they'd gotten a bigger, sturdier box and filled it with dirt, twigs, and dead leaves. They watered it whenever the dirt dried out and wrapped it up whenever it got chilly.
"This isn't healthy. You've skipped class just to hang out with Noelle, and everyone knows your grades are failing. That's why Luke left, you know? He thought he was making things worse by standing by you, and he'd thought if he'd left, you'd wake up."
Krouse tested the soil. It was a little dry.
"Jess… I'm not sure why Jess left. But she's always been the smartest out of all of us, which even you acknowledge, so she must have had her reasons. I wasn't there when she left, but she must have told you something."
She'd told him that Noelle wasn't ever going to be human again, and the kindest thing to do would be to let her go. But that would mean leaving her all alone, and he knew she hated being lonely.
"And Marissa, well, we were both here when she had her breakdown. She brought up a lot of good points, though. Even if this worm really was Noelle, can we really say it still is? The Noelle I knew was smart, kind, and loved gaming, while this is… a worm. It's not smart, kind, and it can't even handle a computer."
He traced his finger along one of the box's ridges. "Even if this worm is Noelle, can we really say she hasn't died?"
Oliver had always been a whiner, then and now. "If you think that, then why are you here?"
Oliver gave a pathetic little smile. "She was my first friend, you know? We've been friends for so long, I don't know what I'd be like without her, so when you told me about the worm, I was willing to accept anything. The others were probably like me. But I don't think Noelle would want this for me, and even if she did… I don't think I want this for me."
He lowered his hand and stuffed it in his pocket. "I know you don't like me, and I really don't blame you. There isn't much to like about me anyway. But I think of you as a friend, and I don't think this is good for you Krouse. You need to let go."
"Just go!" Krouse slammed his fist on the table holding Noelle's home, rattling it. "You're right, I don't like you, and do you know why? It's because you're a sniveling little coward, a little boy who still cries about how much everyone hates him. You can't do anything anyone doesn't tell you to do, your back is so weak I seriously wonder if you have a spine, and now you want to say something? If you want to give up, then go, just..."
He sighed and let his hand fall off the table. "Just go. Leave me be."
"Okay, Krouse," Oliver said. "See you."
Oliver left with a gentle squeak of a door opening, revealing his mom waiting by the doorframe. He gave a quiet goodbye to her before finally leaving him alone.
"Francis," she whispered.
He turned to look back at the box. The table's vibrations had stressed Noelle out, causing her to surface.
"I don't know what this is all about, why this worm means so much to you, but that's not how I raised you to treat your friends."
"I know. I'm sorry, Mom."
He heard her footsteps as she approached him. "Oliver's right. This isn't good for you."
"I know what I'm doing Mom. Trust me."
"I want to, but I'm not sure I can. You're my baby boy. It hurts me to see you like this."
"Mom, please?"
Krouse refused to look up from the box, but he felt his mom touch his arm, then pull him into a hug.
"Promise me you'll stop skipping school, at least? I can look after the worm while you're gone."
He sighed. "Okay, Mom. I'll try."
She gave him a quick kiss on the head before leaving, shutting the door behind her.
Krouse lowered himself until his head was level with the box. Then, he leaned forward until his forehead touched the plastic.
"No matter what, Noelle, I love you," he whispered, and in the loneliness, there was no else to hear him cry.
Earthworms are simple creatures, and this worm was no different. All it did was eat and sleep, and it desired nothing more.
Earthworms have poor memories. Perhaps this worm was different in that it had memories, as limited as they were: the panic of getting trapped somewhere strange, the desperation to find water, and the comfort in the hands that rescued it.
Earthworms have limited senses. This worm could not see its rescuer, nor did it recognize any of the people it met later. It could have learned the differences in the pitches of their voices, but it didn't. What use was such information to a worm? All it cared about was itself, nothing more.
Earthworms lack complex feelings. The worm could feel simple things like fear, hunger, or satisfaction, but not the sorrows, angers, or loves that colored human hearts. When the voices of its protectors grew loud so loud with emotions that the worm could not understand, it felt nothing.
But to the one that had rescued it from the alien place, to the one who cared for it when all the others had left, to the one who cried gentle tears… to them, the worm might have felt something like love.