Chapter Text
I’m in bed, laying down, naked
He’s inside of me
I love him, kiss his mouth, prayin’
He can’t see what I see
“Both boys are finally down for bed,” JJ sighed as she closed Henry’s bedroom door. “I thought he was supposed to be easier to put to bed after the terrible two’s, not during.”
JJ moved down the hallway and towards the couch, eyeing her forgotten glass of wine on the coffee table. It was no doubt warm now, poured long before Micheal had wandered out of his room begging for another bedtime story that inevitably turned into three before a lullaby finally got him to sleep. This had become routine, her life was wrapped in monotonous bedtime rituals she could perform with her eyes closed, complete with a husband who looked at her like she’d hung every star in the sky just for him.
And maybe years ago, she had. He had given her two children whom she adored and loved beyond comprehension, a beautiful life and stability that most women only dreamed of. But somewhere along the way between homework and toddler soccer games they had settled into something that had bored her beyond belief, even if it was everything she should be wanting.
JJ settled onto the couch next to him and wrapped the throw blanket around her legs. She reached for her wine glass and took a long, slow sip, feeling the now room temperature liquid make its way down her throat. Most people would call her crazy for drinking her once chilled wine warm, but she found something comforting in it. It completed her nightly routine, really, giving her enough of a buzz to find happiness in whatever else happened that night, even if it was nothing more than barely any conversation at all.
Will put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side and giving her a kiss on the temple, sweet and unassuming in his usual way. He rested his beer on his knee and turned his attention back to the TV that was playing some show he had been enjoying for the past few weeks. JJ hadn’t bothered to get into it. She snuggled in further, willing herself to sink into the life she had built, find peace in the choices she had made. She stared at the room around her: seashell white walls were adorned with pictures of her family, of her and all her boys smiling and happy, a few of her team, the people she considered family. One of Henry’s stray soccer cleats had been left by the coffee table, several of Micheal’s toys had been strewn across the room like they normally were. Messy, but nothing that she couldn’t quickly clean in tomorrow morning’s chaos. But for now, she sipped the wine, almost polishing off the glass but leaving just enough to down before she followed Will to bed.
Her eyes focused back on the photos they had around the TV. One of their wedding, one of her and Henry on the day he was born, a matching one of her and Micheal, and one of her and Emily.
Emily
Em-uh-lee.
At least, that’s how JJ said it, dragging out every syllable just enough to make them all count. It was wrong to have the woman you’re underneath of more often than your own husband plastered on your mantel right next to him. Truth be told, she had pictures of Emily everywhere she could get away with it. Henry and Michael were her greatest joys, but she couldn’t help but picture just how different her life could be if Will never would have gotten her pregnant.
She was still an attentive wife, kissed Will when he got home, helped him cook breakfast, laughed at all the right times, she even went down on him from time to time when he wasn’t expecting it. She did everything a good wife was supposed to do, but in the quiet in between moments her mind still wandered back to her nights with Emily.
Next to her, Will finished off his beer and she took that as the sign to polish off her glass of wine. He stood and held out a hand to take the now empty glass, which she gladly gave him, and she watched him disappear off into the kitchen. She heard the dishwasher open as she stood, making her way to the archway. She leaned against it, watching Will move through their kitchen. She smiled while she watched him, just like a good wife would. He looked over at her, returning a similar smile.
“What are you smiling at?” he asked, voice quiet and syllables slurred together in his Cajun drawl.
“Oh, I don’t know, just my amazing husband,” she smiled, meeting his eyes.
“Oh really?” he asked, closing the distance between them.
“Really,” she said with a grin, clasping her hands behind her back as she looked up at him.
“Well I’m looking at my amazing wife,” he said, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead.
“Hmm,” JJ hummed as she leaned up to press a kiss to his lips. It didn’t take much for the kiss to deepen and her arms to be wrapped around his neck. His arms wrapped around her body, squeezing her ass before moving up to grip her waist.
JJ pulled back to take a breath and Will took the opportunity to move to her neck planting hot, open-mouthed kisses and sucking at her sensitive spots. She suppressed a moan and grasped at Will’s hair, keeping him just where she wanted him. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt his teeth graze her skin, quietly gasping into his ear.
“I think we need to go to bed,” she mumbled, prompting Will to unlatch from her neck and kiss her lips again before leading her down the hallway to their bedroom.
Will gently pushed her up against the closed bedroom door, hands immediately finding her hips and kissing her again. The heat wasn’t there like it once had been, it was still subtle but nowhere as strong and JJ was sure she had to take some of the blame in that. But ten years of being with the same man has its wears.
He lifted her tank top over her head leaving her bare-chested, cool air quickly hardening soft, pink nipples. Will wasted no time giving her chest attention, swirling his tongue around her nipple while gently pinching the other, rolling it between his fingers. JJ let out soft moans at the movements, hips beginning to writhe against the door.
Will slipped his hand underneath the waistband of her sleep shorts, rubbing tight circles on her clit over her panties. JJ threw her head back, biting back a moan as Will continued his motions.
“Oh fuck…” she muttered. He released her nipple from his mouth with a pop before turning his attention to her other boob. She groaned, focusing on only the feeling of his hands on her, not that it was his hands making her feel this way. Focusing on the sensation meant that she could pretend it was someone else making her feel this way. She felt her panties be moved over to the side and a finger be pushed inside of her, and she muffled her moan by biting her lip.
She was sure this was his favorite part of their foreplay, when he was slowly but surely reducing her to a mess in his hands. For her it always served as a reminder to one of the best nights she had experienced with Emily. She had been rougher when she pushed JJ up against her bedroom door, had held her there and kept her begging for release. The way that Emily touched her made her feel like she was being claimed, possessed by someone she would die to have but could never keep. She came twice against Emily’s bedroom door that night.
When Will removed his finger and moved her towards the bed, she knew what came next. She let herself be pushed onto the bed, watching as she pulled off his shirt. He crawled over her and kissed her, cupping her cheek with his hand. JJ moved her hand between them and into his boxers, stroking slowly his already hardened dick. It was harder for her to dissociate when she was touching him like this, but every now and again she could pretend to get lost in her memory of someone else.
Will moved his kisses from her mouth down the rest of her body, stopping to lavish attention to the most sensitive parts of her, nipping and licking her flushed skin. Her breathing was heavy as he teased her thighs, growing wetter by the second. She let her mind wander to Emily and the way that she would do this to her.
She moaned when he licked from her entrance to her clit, tongue flicking across it methodically, drawing her closer to release. Will wouldn’t let her cum like this, he rarely ever ate her out to completion, but he would push her right to the edge and then back off her, driving her insane. If she was honest, it was the best part of their foreplay.
She felt the familiar pull low in her stomach building stronger with each lick, each flick of the tongue. Her fingers were threaded in Will’s hair while she babbled on encouragements through her moans, begging for him to keep going.
“Will, I- Oh fuck, I’m so close,” she warned.
Right on cue, he removed his face slick with her wetness, from between her thighs, moving on top of her. He kissed her and she could taste herself and she was reminded how she always tasted different on his tongue than she did on Emily’s. She much preferred herself after Emily had her way with her.
Without pulling away from the kiss he ran the head of his cock through her folds, teasing, before pushing himself inside of JJ. She broke their kiss with a moan, hands finding the back of Will’s head to hold him close while he fucked into her. His pace was fast but not hard, how he had assumed JJ had liked it for all of these years. She moaned and whimpered into his ear as he kissed her neck, feeling herself clench around him.
Without pulling away from the kiss he ran the head of his cock through her folds, teasing, before pushing himself inside of JJ. She broke their kiss with a moan, hands finding the back of Will’s head to hold him close while he fucked into her. His pace was fast but not hard, how he had assumed JJ had liked it for all of these years. She moaned and whimpered into his ear as he kissed her neck, feeling herself clench around him.
“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot, JJ,” he groaned as he continued.
“Please rub my pussy,” she begged, wrapping her legs around him, “Please, you fuck me so go— fuck, please, please,” she continued.
His hand went between them and immediately found her clit, rubbing tight, quick circles around it. JJ moaned loudly as she continued to encourage him, begging in a way she typically reserved for Emily.
“I’m gonna— gonna cum,” she moaned.
“Cum for me, baby, come on, let go,” he groaned into her ear.
“I’m cumming, I’m cumming,” she babbled over and over as he continued.
The pull got tighter and with one final thrust, she felt the coil break and she clenched harder around Will inside of her. Her orgasm tore through her as her thighs shuttered around her husband, drawing him in closer and he fucked her through it.
“I’m almost there, babe,” he panted in her ear, “where do you want it?”
“Stomach,” she gasped, still riding her high.
He pulled out, leaving her feeling empty, and a few seconds later she fell the warmth of his cum across her stomach. She looked up at him, chest heaving and thoroughly fucked, and bit her lip as he emptied the last of himself on her.
“Let me clean you up, Cher,” he muttered after a beat of silence, grabbing a few tissues from their bedside table and wiping her clean. He kissed her stomach gently before he put his boxers on and went to find her new pajamas for the night.
She kept watching, running a hand through her hair as he dug through his drawer, presumably trying to find her one of her favorite t-shirts. He settled upon an old band shirt from one of the first shows they had gone to together and opened her drawer to grab her a new pair of underwear. He helped her sit up before he dressed her, giving her a soft kiss on the forehead before laying her back down and covering her with the comforter. He crawled in beside her, wrapping his arms around her and he pulled her in close. He peppered several kisses on the side of her head and neck, causing JJ to giggle as she rested her arm on top of his.
“I love you, JJ,” he muttered.
“I love you, too, Will," she responded.
It was times like this that JJ could almost conjure up guilt. Her husband loved her and she loved him in some form of the word, but part of her always had one foot out the door in this marriage. She had since before they had even said their vows. The part of her that was still present was here for stability, for the comfort of knowing that if anything happened to her in the field that there would be very little disruption to their lives. What they had was good, it was something that people envied, and she couldn’t bring herself to give up what was good for something that felt right. For Emily.
She went to sleep that night envisioning that the person who had just fucked her was Emily, that she was the one whose strong arms were wrapped around her now, giving her that feeling of safety she so deeply craved. She thought of just how many days it had been since she last had Emily’s head between her thighs, and she was counting down the hours until she would be there again.
The next morning JJ woke to a cold bed and the smell of bacon being wafted through the house. Will always got up before her and started breakfast, leaving her to wake the boys and start their morning routines before sending them off to school.
She got up and got dressed in leggings and a cropped t-shirt, waking up both boys as usual. She put on her tennis shoes, kissed Will goodbye, and headed out the door on her morning run. It was the forty-five minutes of the day she always had completely to herself, no worries of Will or the boys or Emily or an impending case. Just her, the sidewalk, and the focus of shaving another half-second off her pace everyday. It was peace.
In another life, she would walk through the door and be greeted with a kiss from Emily who would immediately drag her upstairs to the shower and fuck her against the glass. But she lived this life, the one where she walked inside the house to kiss her husband who greeted her with a smile, a kiss, and a plate of frittata and bacon that she would take to the table and eat with her kids. She would bathe in the domesticity of her morning routine with her boys before sending them off to school and taking her shower. She would get dressed, gravitating towards the colors Emily enjoyed best on her, and meet her husband back downstairs to discuss today’s after school schedule. It brought part of her comfort while it made the other part of her sick.
“You’re picking up Henry and Micheal from school and taking Henry to soccer practice, right?” she asked, stepping off the last stair of the staircase.
“Yes, and tonight is your girl’s night with Emily, correct?” he asked.
“Yes sir,” she said with a slight tease, quickly closing the space between them, “Don't forget that I'm spending the night.”
“Sounds good, babe. Me and the boys will hold down the fort no problem.”
“You always do, and that’s why I love you.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“Nope, I can think of a few,” she smiled, pulling him in by the lapel for a slow kiss before pulling away, “I have to go to work, babe, but I’ll see you soon. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you, too, honey. Have fun tonight, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
JJ grabbed her bag and her jacket and she was out the door, no looking back. There was only one thing on her mind, and that was the anticipation of seeing Emily tonight.