Chapter Text
Jay yawned as she stepped through the door to the top deck, rubbing her eyes with one hand as she tried to shake herself from the grasps of sleep that had taken hold of her. She allowed the door to swing shut behind her, the wind immediately blowing her frizzy hair in front of her face unceremoniously, and Jay barely made a move to brush it away.
Her boots thumped against the wooden deck in the familiar way that Gillion was used to, her footsteps distinct and audible enough that he could specifically focus on where she was on the ship. Gillion’s ear twitched and he allowed his hand to drop from the hilt of his sword, his shoulders drooping a little bit in relief that he was no longer alone. The end of his tail twitched, the fins lightly slapping against the ground.
Jay was dressed in normal everyday clothes, having already gotten dressed for the day before she had even woken up fully, evident in the way that her eyelids drooped tiredly. She wore a pair of pants (that may have at one point started in Chip’s wardrobe) cinched tightly around the waist as they sagged a bit in the crotch and around the legs, a faint striped pattern long faded into the fabric. They were covered in patches and rips and places that had needed a ton of needlework just to get to fit again.
She also wore a puffy white shirt with a frilled lacy collar that puffed up underneath her chin and rustled in the wind, the sleeves bunching up around her wrist. The fabric had faded into a faint cream color over time, but Gillion knew that it was supposed to be white. He could see the stitches and creases where Jay had needed to stitch up the garment after a lot of wear and tear of the old clothes.
As she stepped up to the top deck, stopping just in front of the door, she was just getting around to lacing up the half corset she had cinched over the top of her shirt, her fingers working easily with the strings, a small hum buzzing in the back of her throat. She sniffed and tucked the laces behind the top of the corset, adjusting it so that it sat right on her waist.
She looked up at Gillion with a tired smile, reaching up to rub her face, “G’morning Gill.”
“Good morning, Jay,” Gillion nodded to her, sliding his tongue across his lips, he crossed the length of the ship to greet her. She pushed her hair away from her face and turned her head to glance at the horizon where the sun was still in the process of rising.
“How was your watch?” Jay asked, bumping her shoulder against Gillion’s, causing him to lurch a little bit. Gillion smiled awkwardly and flicked his ear in Jay’s direction, still trying to shake the unease from last night. Jay sucked in a deep breath and leaned back to stretch her arms high above her head with a small groan.
Gillion chewed on the inside of his mouth, his sharp teeth digging into the inside lining of his cheeks. He considered admitting to Jay what he thought he had felt, but then there was a voice in the back of his mind telling him that she would think he was crazy. He had already convinced himself that it didn’t actually happen and was just part of his imagination. There was no use getting Jay worked up over nothing.
So, with hesitation in his tone, he told her, “It was uneventful…”
Jay clicked her tongue and nodded, “Yeah, that’s good at least, it was pretty boring when I was up here too,” she waved her hand in a loose circular gesture, “but I mean it’s good to have nothing happen then get attacked in the middle of the night. That’s never fun.” She laughed at that, and Gillion picked up that it was a joke he was supposed to laugh at as well, so he gave a faint, nervous chuckle. Jay was satisfied with that reaction.
She glanced at Gillion with another faint smile and crossed the ship to the railing to lean her arms on the top of it. She tilted her chin up towards the sky and let the wind comb through her hair, feeling the salty breeze drain the sleepy exhaustion from her face. Her fingers traced the grain of the wood as she stared out into the horizon.
“It’s going to be a pretty nice day out, what do you think?” Jay looked over her shoulder at Gillion who was still standing a few feet away near the door. He blinked and reached up to curl his hands around the opal of his necklace, idly messing with it. Jay’s eyes darted toward his hand, immediately noticing his movement, but he couldn’t feel the judgement in her gaze. He still dropped the fidgeting anyway.
“It is nice out already,” Gillion forced himself to move, his tail lightly swishing back and forth behind him as he walked, the fin at the end of it twitching with each step. The wind whipped in the sails, causing them to snap into place as it coasted them along the surface of the ocean. The scent of salt filled the air from a steady mist that gathered near the railings from the waves that caused their ship to rock back and forth.
He settled next to Jay at the railing, his hands hesitantly reaching out in order to curl his fingers around the wooden bar. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure whether he should look over at Jay or follow her gaze out into the horizon. When he did end up glancing over at her expression, she wore a faint smile, her eyes crinkled at the sides, frizzy bangs falling in front of her forehead.
Jay promptly stretched her arm out straight, splaying her palm towards the horizon where the oranges were shifting and fading into hesitant blues. There were no clouds in the sky at the moment, all of them clearing and fading away as they traveled further and further towards whatever destination decided to put itself in their path. But that left the open sky and the open sea for them to explore while they sailed.
“Clear blue skies, open sun, steady breeze,” Jay shut one eye and tilted her head, appearing to measure something with the distance between her hand and something on the horizon. But Gillion didn’t know what she was doing, she didn’t offer an explanation, so Gillion didn’t ask. “Wind in our sails and not a single other ship in sight, we’ll be sailing well today.”
Jay patted her hips where she had tightened her tool belt after getting dressed, her fingers combing around the items that she had belted and stuffed in the many pockets. Gillion watched her hands move across the front of her hips to find where she had clipped her spyglass. She found it and with a deft motion, unclipped it and unfolded it just as quickly.
She lifted it to her eye and stared out at the horizon, leaning her stomach against the railing and letting the wood press into her torso. Gillion watched as she stuck her tongue out between her lips in her focus, still observing and measuring something. It almost looked like she was mouthing something under her breath, words that Gillion couldn’t hear forming on her lips.
Gillion watched her for a few seconds, squinting out into the distance to try and possibly spot what Jay might be seeing with her spyglass. He let out a hesitant trill, the sound bubbling up from the back of his throat faster than he would be able to swallow it down.
Jay jumped at the noise, her shoulders pulling back a bit as she seemed to remember that Gillion was there. She took a step back and turned towards him, the spyglass still held up to her eye as she pointed it directly at Gillion’s face. Gillion leaned back, holding onto the railing for balance as his tail slapped against the top deck.
He could see Jay’s eye magnified through the wrong end of the spyglass, her eye wide while the blue iris seemed to reflect in the darkness of the end that she was looking into. She held him in an awkward case of singular eye contact for a few seconds, her other eye squeezed shut with her lips twitched into an odd sort of smile.
When Gillion tried to look away first, Jay broke out into a fit of giggles, pulling the spyglass away from her face. She doubled over herself as if it were the funniest thing in the world. Gillion didn’t fully get what the point of the joke was, but perhaps it had something to do with the spyglass being used to see things from far away… and admittedly looking at Gillion (who was right next to her) would defeat the purpose of the glass.
But her smile was practically contagious as Gillion managed even the most hesitant grin with a just as nervous chuckle. His ear flicked in her direction while she calmed herself down, fanning her face as she shook her head a little bit. She leaned her elbow on the railing of the ship and lifted her head enough to glance at Gillion through half-lidded eyes, her entire face scrunched up in a wide grin.
With one hand, she reached up to tuck some of her bangs away from her face, using her other to press the wide end of the spyglass against her stomach, the weight of that just serving to collapse it against herself so she could clip it back to her belt. Jay slid her tongue over her lips and her giggling settled to just a few more chuckles before she had completely worn out whatever joke she had made.
Gillion awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the side of the Albatross and feeling each breeze brush against him. Every time the wind hit against his back, Gillion could swear that he felt the ghosting presence of hands skittering across his shoulders, threatening to push harder this time, threatening to get him when he was off balance. He could almost imagine the presence behind him, the freezing cold touch of another unknown being.
Gillion spared a glance over his shoulder, digging his nails deeper into the railing just next to him. The only thing behind him was the empty deck. That was almost the most unsettling part of it all.
Now that the sun had at least partially risen, most of the morning still left for the sleeping crew, it almost felt like there should be more activity. Or at least Gillion wished that there was more activity so he could shake off the dregs of unease that left the Albatross feeling like a ghost ship in his mind. Gillion knew that many of the other members of the crew—Chip especially—would not wake until much later in the morning when the sun had pretty much finished its ascent to the early afternoon.
But the ship felt empty, like although he knew that everyone else was still asleep, they should be awake. They should be up and about with more activity than Gillion could keep up with sometimes. Alphonse would be up first at the helm before anyone else besides Gillion and Jay had woken up. He would greet the both of him with the tip of his hat and a welcome good morning and then he would relatively quietly slip off to man the wheel. Sometimes they would chat more, but Alphonse was often a quiet presence aboard the ship.
Then Ollie would wake up and start bouncing around the ship to make up for the time lost after Chip had sent him to bed early. He would get into everything that he could, entertaining himself with Jay and Gillion (often the only ones awake at the time besides Alphonse), or would sit himself down to fish off the side of the ship. Sometimes, early enough in the morning, Gillion would take to teaching Ollie how to fight, training him with wooden swords in the gentle way that Gillion wished he had been treated when he was younger. And Ollie would excitedly follow along with his teaching, occasionally asking to take a break because he was bored.
Then Earl would painstakingly get himself out of bed to yell at them all for being too loud so early in the morning, even though at that point it wouldn’t be that early anymore. Gryphon would take a position on the top deck, wandering around the ship to find things to do, and usually ended up getting involved with whatever Ollie was going to do. Often encouraging the younger boy in his endeavors or egging him on in the odd way that Gryphon liked to get entertainment out of Ollie.
At this point, depending on how late in the morning it was getting, Jay would continue to check her pocket watch regularly, slamming it shut with an irritated click as if she were upset with the passage of time. Then, after long enough she would stomp down the stairs to drag Chip out of bed, not wanting him to sleep in too long since he was a captain too and needed to be doing things.
Queen would then come above with their instrument and would flit between Alphonse at the helm or participating in whatever Gryphon was doing at the moment. But they would always fill the air with chatter or song or just music from their instrument. It was enough to keep the ship from getting too quiet (although there was never really quiet aboard the Albatross).
Then Drey and Finn would be up and about some time after that, getting in and out of bed depending on how the day would go, Drey making much more appearances than Finn who often liked to stay below decks right now. But those two would often wander about as they liked, appearing or disappearing at the most random times.
That was the routine that Gillion was used to. He was used to the ship being so full of energy that there were so many things for him to do so he would never get bored or tired of his current tasks. But it seemed that the events of his watch had short-circuited his brain and made it so that the morning seemed to speed up exponentially, making him feel that it should be much later in the day than it was.
As Gillion stared over his shoulder, worrying at his lower lip at how the day was going to go; Jay, following his gaze, seemed to take a different interpretation, her eyes falling on the closed door to the lower decks. She furrowed her eyebrows and sucked her cheeks in to bite on the flesh on the inside of her mouth.
She clicked her tongue and Gillion immediately pulled his gaze back to her face, finding that keeping eye contact with her today was much more difficult than it usually was. Gillion’s ears drooped a little bit and he rubbed his arm awkwardly, a pit of something unpleasant weighing in his stomach.
Jay reached into her pocket and pulled out her pocket watch, the small golden embellished item fitting snugly in her palm as she flicked it open with a satisfying click. She regarded the face of the watch with her eyebrows slightly furrowed, thoughts that Gillion didn’t know how to decipher flashing across her face. Gillion’s eyes drifted towards the object and he remembered what he wanted to bring up with Jay while he was on shift.
He opened his mouth to say something, his voice catching in his throat before he could even start to form the words on his tongue. A pit of doubt opened in the center of his chest, causing him to clam up as he thought about suggesting something to change their routine.
“I’m giving Chip an hour,” Jay interrupted, not seeming to notice Gillion’s pathetic attempt to bring up the topic of her watch as she slid her tongue across her lips. She squinted at the watch in her hand before snapping it shut and stuffing it back in her pocket like it was the most carefree motion in the world.
As the watch disappeared into the depths of her pocket, so did Gillion’s wavering confidence to start up a conversation. He swallowed thickly and wrung his hands nervously, staring down at Jay’s pockets. A feeling that Gillion didn’t know how to define welled up in space behind his ribs, making his chest tighten.
Gillion knew that Jay’s watch was important to her, it was something that she always kept on her person. She didn’t seem to enjoy parting with it, always a bit fidgety whenever Chip would borrow it from her to make his plans or do whatever he needed the time for. She was protective over it, Gillion was protective enough over his own items that he knew what it looked like from someone else.
So maybe it was selfish of Gillion to ask Jay to give up her watch for something as trivial as keeping shift. Their system was good enough as it was, there was nothing broken about it so there was no need to fix it. Jay always woke Chip on time, and Chip always woke Gillion when it was late enough into the night for them to switch. Although Chip was better at telling time with the night sky than Gillion was, so maybe it was a good thing that he had the last shift.
He realized now that last night’s considerations were just a bunch of exhausted thoughts that shouldn’t have any meaning to Gillion now in the morning. It was worthless to him. They weren’t good ideas anyway.
It was almost as if Jay could sense the spiraling thoughts spinning through Gillion’s mind, the countless amount of “what ifs” and conflicting situations that made him less conversational than normal. She reached out with one hand, playing it gingerly on Gillion’s shoulder and breaking him out of his thoughts.
He blinked and turned his attention back to Jay, who wore a much softer smile now, her eyes crinkled up in the corner. She tilted her head to the side and squeezed his arm, leaving her hand on him for a bit longer. It was nothing more than a friendly touch between co-captains. Between friends. And yet the small connection between their two forms made Gillion’s skin crawl.
Gillion pulled away before he could even think about what he was doing, jerking his shoulder out of her grasp so fast that her nails lightly scraped against his skin. He bit back a hiss of surprise, swallowing the sound as if it were a nasty pill, his throat bobbing with the effort. The place where Jay’s hand had just been burned.
Jay dropped her hand, a flash of some sort of emotion crossing across her face for less than a second before she brought her lips back into that small smile. Gillion suddenly wished that he understood human emotions better than he did, his heart hammering in his chest at the thought that Jay was upset.
And Gillion admittedly didn’t know why he pulled away from Jay so sharply. It was as if his body moved without his own knowledge of what he was doing. Like it was something he did out of a deep unconscious flicker of instinct that Gillion had long since forced down over years of training. Something he hadn’t ever been allowed to indulge in.
But Jay didn’t bring attention to it. She just stuffed her hands back in her pocket and stepped away, pulling her shoulders back and puffing up her chest. That small smile hadn’t left her face for more than a few moments, and even now she was still smiling at Gillion, as if Gillion hadn’t just reacted like a feral animal at a small touch.
She looked like she wanted to say something, even going so far as to open her mouth to speak, eyes darting across Gillion’s face with a scrutinizing gaze. Jay didn’t move to touch Gillion again, but Gillion backed away from her anyway, feeling a shiver roll down his spine at her stare.
He felt flayed open and exposed, his heart hammering in his chest the longer she stared at him. Gillion bit back the urge to snap at her, uncomfortable at her searching eyes, as if she were looking for something obvious inside Gillion that might help her understand his odd behavior this morning.
Gillion tucked his tail between his legs and backed up, pulling his lips back in the threat of a snarl. Jay slumped her shoulders and held her hands up in a placating gesture, smiling wide enough that her eyes scrunched up, nearly fully closed, the weight lifting from Gillion’s shoulders the moment that she stopped staring at him.
“Do you want to help me start breakfast?” Jay asked, pointedly not bringing up anything she may have noticed in the last few minutes of their conversation. Gillion swallowed thickly and tried to shake away the anxiety that rattled in his chest, the prickling feeling that tingled underneath his skin, making it feel like there was something crawling all over his body.
Gillion sucked in a sharp breath, his gills flaring at his neck as he reached up to rub his thumb over the beaded pearls on the golden chain. Jay ignored the motion, focusing her gaze on Gillion’s face.
“Sure…” Gillion said slowly, breathing the word as if he were chewing through the letters. The sound felt almost awkward in his mouth despite the fact that he’d been working through learning common for at least a year and a few months now. It felt foreign to him, a different tongue that he didn’t fully understand popping into the back of his head instead of either of the ones that he knew.
His throat begged to warble out the unfamiliar syllables, his tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth, almost in the formation of words that Gillion didn’t even know. His lips moved, pulling away from his teeth to shape out the letters. Instead of the proper sounds to whatever language it was, a strangled chirp bubbled up from his throat, spilling from his mouth before he could even think about what he was doing.
If Jay noticed his internal struggle, her face betrayed nothing. She just continued to smile and nodded her head in the direction of the kitchen. When she started to move in that direction, Gillion was expected to follow. He did.
Gillion curled his arms around his stomach, hunching his shoulders as he silently followed Jay, tail dragging behind him with only the occasional twitch of his fins. He frowned slightly and furrowed his eyebrows, staring intently at Jay’s back, as if he were afraid that she might suddenly turn around and attack him. Each twitch of her hands or odd movement of her shoulder set Gillion on edge, his heart hammering in his chest.
His eyes darted toward her belt, tracing across the line of her waist and the items that she had at her hips. Gillion searched for her gun or any other visual weapons that he knew Jay kept on her. The holster at her left hip was empty, but that sight only made Gillion more nervous. He instinctively placed his hand on the hilt of Destiny’s blade.
Jay shouldered open the kitchen door and held it for Gillion to slip in past her. Gillion’s ears twitched and he flared his fins out around his face, but he walked in front of her to enter the room, dropping his hand from his sword so as to not arouse any suspicion from Jay.
As soon as Gillion crossed the threshold, Jay followed him further into the kitchen, allowing the door to swing shut behind them both, the hinges squealing. The growing sunlight from the porthole windows spilled into the kitchen, providing almost enough natural light for them to get by on that alone. But it must not have been sufficient enough since Jay took a few moments to flit about the room and light the lanterns that were hanging up on the wall.
Gillion watched her movements carefully, shuffling into the room as if he were a stranger, his feet sliding across the floor while his tail trailed behind him. He sucked in a deep breath and held it, hunching his shoulders and curling his hands in front of himself. One hand he kept curled around the necklace at his throat, holding onto the stone and making his way over to the counters.
Jay walked by, that same small smile causing the corners of her lips to twitch as she held a matchbox in her hands. She clutched her fingers around the box and hummed to herself, paying no mind to Gillion as she made her way around the room and opened it up for the day.
The windows that opened easily, she shoved them open and allowed the fresh ocean breeze to spill into the room and chase away the musty, warm smell that always seemed to gather in the rooms of the Albatross when they were locked up for too long. She lit the lanterns and filled the room with enough light that Gillion almost had to squint like he was outside, eyes slowly getting adjusted to the change.
He slid his tongue across his lip and found himself humming back in response to Jay’s humming, the noise filling the room with a comfortable, obvious sign of life. Jay began to rifle through the cabinets and pantry around the kitchen, searching for something that they could make for the entire crew for breakfast since it was just the two of them awake.
Gillion watched her with a cautious gaze, following her movements and only occasionally following to look over her shoulder whenever she asked for his opinion on the ingredients they had. Gillion’s ears twitched and he occasionally swished his tail back and forth curiously, following her lead in searching for ideas of what they could make with the things they had.
Admittedly there wasn’t a lot. And admittedly, Gillion had no idea of any common breakfast foods that people ate in the oversea. Where Gillion grew up in the Trench, there wasn’t much of a concept of “breakfast food” in general. Any food was eaten at any time of day, even when there was very little way to tell time so deep in the ocean.
So whatever Jay talked herself through out loud, Gillion tried his best to follow her thoughts, unsure what each item or ingredient might be for. She talked about different kinds of food that they could make, toast, eggs (Gillion shuddered at the thought, and Jay moved on), yogurt (which they didn’t have), french toast (Gillion liked the sound of that, it was like toast but different he assumed), sausage (which they also didn’t have), oatmeal (Gillion quite enjoyed what Jay called oatmeal) and a bunch of other dishes that Gillion didn’t even have a clue which what they were.
Jay then excitedly suggested pancakes. Gillion could only vaguely remember what that was, but he agreed anyway because of how happy Jay seemed. It was a curious name to which Gillion almost laughed at, finding his humor coming back to him slowly.
While they gathered ingredients, Jay’s constant chatter filled the room, her voice breaking the silence and keeping Gillion from sinking into his own head for too long. She talked about what they were going to do today, bringing up Gillion’s training with Chip (which Gillion had completely forgotten about over the course of the night), as well as the things that needed to get done around the ship. She talked about the remnants of a dream that she had and Gillion neglected to share the details of his (which he vividly remembered).
All the while, the room was filled with joyful and energetic life. Jay bounced around the room like a rabbit bounding through a field, never in one place for too long. It seemed that by now, Jay had found her energy and had broken away from the final grasp of sleep that made her a bit more sluggish in the morning. She was up and about and excited for the day.
And as the sun rose higher into the morning sky, Gillion was able to shake away his own dregs of discomfort. It seemed that the memories of last night had—at least for now—gotten pushed to the very back of his mind for Gillion to think about later when it might matter more. But his cranky, slightly paranoid mood had shifted to match Jay’s energy, falling right back into the rhythm he normally had with his other captain.
He felt much more conversational as he seemed to wake himself up as well. Although he had woken up many hours ago, it felt that he was just now coming back to himself, settling into his body and proper self comfortably and with little change. Gillion was enjoying the morning much more now that he could shake away the thoughts of his dreams and what he may have felt while on his shift.
Though Gillion was sure that Jay’s high energy of the morning was a lot to blame for his easy shift in mood. Her presence was calming to him, enough that he found it easy to follow along and match the tone that she set in the room. In a way, it was grounding. Not that Gillion fully knew what he needed to be grounded from, only that he felt much more like himself than he did an hour ago.
That was enough for Gillion to smile at Jay when she looked over at him while holding up the pan used for the pancakes with both hands like a sword. The gesture must have had a different meaning, for Jay then laughed at herself as she set the pan down. She set it down and did a short whistle, the same three notes that Gillion often heard her sing out whenever she was happy.
Jay told a joke, trying to make it so Gillion would understand, and he found the humor in it and gave a laugh in order to signal to Jay that he thought it was funny. And then she smiled and moved on in the conversation and Gillion felt the warmth of her smile spread over his form. His tail wagged happily while he helped her make pancakes.
Jay always made it easier for Gillion to feel like himself. She was so completely and wholly Jay that Gillion didn’t think that he could possibly be anything else but Gillion around her.
“My mom makes the best pancakes,” Jay said, moving her shoulders in a way that looked like she was going to bump them against Gillion, but she pulled back before they ever touched. Gillion almost missed the friendly gesture. “I don’t know what she used to make them but they weren’t like normal pancakes. They were so good.”
There was a moment of silence in which Jay seemed to drop into her thoughts. Then she added in a smaller, less confident voice: “Maybe… Maybe I’ll ask her the next time we see each other.”
The moment of hesitation lasted longer than Gillion deemed comfortable. He shifted awkwardly, standing there while Jay held a wooden bowl to her chest, the ingredients laid out on the counter in front of them. She stared down at the counter for a few moments, deep in thought with her eyebrows furrowed, a curious look on her face. It almost looked like she was dealing with some sort of internal conflict, a wide range of emotions flashing in her eyes.
Then she blinked and shook her head, “But that doesn’t matter right now,” she laughed, but this time it sounded more forced and dismissive rather than a genuine show of joy. “We have our pancakes to make.” She slid her tongue across her lips and gave a nervous smile.
Gillion nodded firmly in agreement, his tail flicking back and forth behind him. Jay’s eyes darted to the movement, but after another second or two of hesitation, she pulled her gaze back to the counter where everything had been laid out. She placed the bowl down with a small clatter and cleared her throat.
Gillion saddled up next to her, their shoulders within a hair's width apart from touching. Jay said nothing about the closeness, but she once again went back to flitting about the kitchen—although with much less fervor than before—this time looking for the proper utensils needed to make pancakes. Measuring cups, spoons, a spatula, and the other things that she needed besides just the ingredients.
When she finished finding all the tools that they might need to make their breakfast, Jay began explaining to Gillion everything they had to do. She used that soft, gentle tone that she always did whenever she was explaining something to Gillion and she knew that it might take him a little bit to understand what was going on.
She explained the amounts needed for each of the ingredients, pointing out which one was which. (“That’s flour, sugar, you know what that is, baking powder, butter, what I really am hoping is enough milk, and we need an egg too but I can take care of that.”) It seemed like she took great joy in going through everything and what they were going to have to do to make what she called pancakes.
Jay was always so patient with him that Gillion could scarcely believe that he ever deserved this amount of patience Chip and Jay both showed him. They waited when he took a little bit to catch up because his legs were hurting due to the pressure in the oversea. They explained things to him twice, thrice, four times whenever he didn’t understand and did their best to word it in ways that he would understand.
Jay took the time and effort to tell him how to measure out the right amount of what she called flour (Gillion didn’t know what to make of the fluffy white powder, it was soft in his hands but distinctly a powder). She showed him how to hold the measuring cup and how to level it off with a knife.
And then when Gillion managed to spill flour everywhere, she didn’t get upset. Even when the front of both their clothes were covered in white.
She just laughed softly, leaning back with her hand wrapped against the counter to keep herself balanced. Her breath came out in a small, breathy wheeze and her face scrunched up in that large happy smile that she always had when she laughed that hard. Her tone was light and airy and Gillion wasn’t embarrassed at being laughed at (Jay never actually laughed at him), he was just glad that she found good humor in his mix-up rather than getting upset.
When she was able to catch her breath, she moved to grab a washcloth from their water bucket near the sink, dipping it in and wringing it out with a quick twist of her wrist. A few droplets spilled onto the floor when she crossed the kitchen to where Gillion was standing.
She reached out to help Gillion wipe it away from his gills so none of it accidentally got into the very sensitive openings. Her hand brushed against his shoulder as she stood curiously in front of him.
“Here, tilt your head back,” Jay placed her two fingers underneath his chin and guided him to look up towards the ceiling so she had better access to his neck. Gillion swallowed thickly and hoped that she didn’t see the way his throat bobbed. “It’s better if you don’t really squeeze the bag since flour likes to get everywhere you don’t want it to.”
Gillion hummed and felt his heart hammering in his chest at the closeness, Jay’s gaze trained firmly on his throat. She dropped her touch from his chin now that she had guided Gillion where to look.
With a gentle hand and a wet cloth, Jay began wiping the flour away from his skin, her other hand reaching up to pull the chain of the necklace away from his neck so that it was sitting better against his chest.
Gillion’s heart leapt to his throat at her hand brushing against the necklace, almost as if he were afraid that she was suddenly going to take it from him. As if even though she had also given it to him, she might yank it away in just as swift of a motion.
Her fingers rattled against the pearlescent beads and Gillion’s ears twitched at the noise, lips pulling away from his teeth with a low warning sound. He held his breath and waited with fear evident in his eyes.
Her hand slid against the golden chain, following the length of it up towards his neck to pull it away from his gills, the cloth still working in the sensitive area around his neck. It was cold and damp and caused droplets of slightly thick water to roll down Gillion’s throat.
Jay’s fingers continued to travel along the length of the necklace, working distractedly at her current task. She reached towards the back where he knew the clasp was, constantly moving it around so that she had an easier time cleaning him off. Gillion’s heart hammered.
He could hear her breath, and feel the warmth radiating from her skin. He could feel the closeness and the beating of her heart. She was so close to him, so close to the necklace.
The beads rattled. Jay hooked her fingers around the chain near his neck. She swiped the cloth down the smooth side of his gills.
Her breath was against his throat. Gillion’s heart pounded against his ribs. She moved slowly, carefully.
She hummed softly. The noise grated on Gillion’s ears. He could hear the beads rattling and the clinking of chain links.
And then Jay’s hand touched the back of his neck, fingers dancing across the clasp of the chain, almost as if she was going to take the necklace off of him.
Gillion snapped his hand around her wrist faster than Jay could even blink.
He suddenly lashed out, trying to jerk away from her as if the contact had burned him. Her fingers slipped and pulled on the necklace, the chain slipping and digging into his skin painfully. Gillion hissed in pain.
Jay made a noise of surprise and tried to wiggle her arm out of Gillion’s grasp, tugging at his hand with increasing anxiety. Gillion could feel the tensing of her muscles beneath her skin, the shifting of her bones as she tried to twist out of his grasp.
A growl instinctively spilled from Gillion’s lips, a surge of anger overtaking his rational thoughts. He pulled his lips back to expose razor-sharp teeth, his ears pinned back against his skull.
“Hey, sorry, sorry,” Jay squeaked out, her eyes wide with fear and her other hand held up in a placating gesture. Gillion could feel her pulse against her wrist as her heart fluttered like a startled rabbit. “Did I irritate your gills?”
Jay’s eyes were wide and she darted her eyes all around, searching for something in Gillion’s expression that might give away what had gone wrong. Her eyebrows furrowed and she sucked in a panicked breath.
The fear on her face was enough to drop Gillion back into himself like a rock getting thrown into a body of water. He sucked in a sharp breath and hissed slowly, forcing himself to relax.
Gillion dropped her wrist and took a step away.
Embarrassment flooded his face, causing his chest to tighten and his face to flush a dark turquoise. He had lashed out without even thinking about it, not entirely sure why he had done that in the first place anyway.
The fact that he had gotten so jumpy at Jay messing with his necklace should have made his face darken on its own with shame, it was just a trinket, it didn’t matter that much. Not enough to get so worked up about.
“I’m sorry,” Gillion said, truly meaning it, “I didn’t mean to react that way.”
Jay nodded slowly. Her eyes darted across Gillion’s face, examining his expression closely. It was as if she was studying him, looking for something that might give a hint as to what was wrong with him. Gillion certainly felt that there was something wrong with him.
“Are you…” Jay slid her tongue over her lips, a hesitant smile slipping out, “Are you okay?”
“You startled me is all,” Gillion admitted, not sure if he was lying or not. He looked down at Jay’s arm and felt guilt swell in the pit of his chest at the sight of his claw marks on her skin.
His nails had left deep indents in her skin causing red bubbles of irritation to flood up to the surface. He hadn’t drawn blood but he could see the small pricks of cuts and the deeper tissue underneath where he had sliced open her skin just on the surface level.
Jay rubbed her forearm and sucked in a sharp breath through her nose, held it for a second, and then let it out. She thought for a few seconds, gears turning in her head as she averted eye contact. Looking somewhere off to the side away from Gillion’s face.
“Sorry,” she said again, “I should have been more careful.” Jay smiled and started patting the front of her shirt down with the damp cloth, trying to wipe most of the flour off of her clothes.
She didn’t try to continue with wiping down Gillion’s neck, her movement shaky and her hands trembling as she worked on herself.
Gillion kept his distance, immediately noticing Jay’s hesitancy. He stepped up to the counter with his tail tucked between his legs and his ears drooping. He hadn’t meant to snap at Jay like that—a part of Gillion still didn’t even understand why he had reacted so suddenly.
Maybe she had accidentally brushed against his gills in a way that caused him to jerk out of instinct. Maybe her nails had nicked against his skin or the necklace had gotten caught in the flap of his gills. Maybe he just hadn’t expected the closeness or the coolness of the water or a hundred other reasons that Gillion could have startled so quickly. Maybe her touch was overwhelming and the feeling of her warm breath was too much for Gillion.
Gillion himself wasn’t fully aware why he had lashed out at her like that, enough to grab her so violently that he left a mark. He certainly didn’t miss the growl that slipped past his lips before he could think about it, a low, animalistic sound that didn’t even feel like it had come from his own throat.
But Jay said nothing more on the topic.
She cleared her throat and took another deep breath, staring down at the mess of flour on the counter and the abandoned measuring cup that Gillion had dropped onto the wood in his surprise at the cloud of white powder that had poofed up the moment he grabbed the bag.
Jay dropped the washcloth back into the bucket of water near the sink and began chewing at her lower lip, her shoulders pulled back in a defensive way. Gillion frowned slightly and looked away, avoiding touching her as if she was the issue originally and the problem wasn’t just that Gillion didn’t know how to control his own instincts. It wasn’t her fault. But Gillion didn’t trust himself.
He told himself that it was still just a remnant of his jumpiness from before. Maybe Gillion was still on edge after what happened and needed a bit to calm down and come back to himself.
That had to be it.
It was just his instincts going haywire at anything his brain deemed as a threat.
Wordlessly and with a bit more caution than before, Jay took up the job of making pancakes.
She measured out the amount of flour needed instead of allowing Gillion another attempt. Her previous energy and excitement now drained like water getting sucked into a whirlpool. Normally she was much more excited to get to teach Gillion something like this, and Gillion was more than happy to learn.
But after Gillion's previous display, the mood in the room turned sour. As if a wet blanket had suddenly settled over the kitchen, the shadows cast by the light spilling in through the windows seemed to stretch and darken. Gillion twisted the chain of his necklace around his fingers in anxiety.
Jay continued making breakfast while Gillion hovered awkwardly nearby, not entirely sure what he should be doing now that Jay had settled into silence, no longer seeming to be in a talkative mood.
He didn’t know what to do with his body, whether he should continue standing next to her to observe what she was doing or if he had made the situation so unpleasant that he should just leave.
Should he offer his help again and risk upsetting Jay if she didn’t want his help? Should he try to set the table for breakfast even though breakfast wasn’t close to being finished? Should he leave and try to occupy his time in a more productive way?
He couldn’t tell if he was making Jay uncomfortable by watching over her shoulder. Her movements were stiff and shaky as she measured out each ingredient, mixing them together in one bowl. The marks on her arm were still red and sore, her arm clutched almost protectively near her torso.
She said nothing, made no noise besides the movement of her utensils, and paid no mind to Gillion as he stood next to her with a foot or so between them for distance. His tail was tucked between his legs and Gillion tried to make himself as small as possible. He watched her measure out each ingredient, crack an egg, and add the last bit of milk that they were able to keep on the ship.
Jay stirred the mixture, a thick but runny substance coming together with the addition of the milk and eggs. Her hands clutched against the rim of the bowl to keep it in place near her chest, the other working to stir it with the spoon.
When the mixture was apparently complete, Jay set the bowl on the counter, allowing the spoon to rest against the lip. She frowned with a deep-set expression on her lips as she practically glared down at the bowl. Gillion couldn’t read her face, unsure what was going on inside her head.
With one palm placed against the counter, Jay dug around in her pockets for a moment, pulling out her watch as easily and casually as she could. She flicked it open and stared down at the watch face, counting the minutes in her head, lips mouthing the sound of numbers.
“It’s been long enough,” Jay finally said, the sound startling Gillion who had gotten used to the silence. “Do you want to go wake Chip and I’ll finish making breakfast?”
Distantly, Gillion recognized the easy excuse, his brain latching onto her words and rattling them around in his mind. She was trying to get rid of him. That was easy enough to tell even when Gillion wasn’t good at distinguishing tone or hidden meanings. This one was clear enough to understand.
She wanted him to leave. She was still upset with him. He had lashed out at her and Jay was justifiably uncomfortable. Especially since Gillion didn’t fully know why he had reacted so strongly.
“Right,” Gillion’s voice sounded odd coming from his throat, almost too formal and stiff. He nodded at Jay and wrapped his arms around his torso, “Of course.”
Jay smiled at him but it almost seemed forced, her lips twitching hesitantly. Gillion forced himself to smile back, his ears flaring out around his face as he tried to get himself to relax to the best of his ability. He sucked in a deep breath and took a step back, the end of his tail twitching and hitting against the floor, the limb once again seeming to spark with pins and needles.
“Breakfast should be ready by the time you get him out of bed,” Jay joked, turning her attention back to the bowl on the counter as she shuffled over towards the oven to light the fire. Gillion watched her move for a few seconds, doing his best to shake out any odd feelings in his limbs.
Then, when he figured that Jay had nothing else to say, Gillion turned—still with his tail tucked close to his body—and made his way out of the kitchen to go wake up Chip.