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He felt nothing but giddiness when they first met –officially-.
In the gym that reeked of sweat and salonpas and excitement, the first years stood in a row as they were asked to introduce themselves to the current volleyball club members.
The boy next to him (whom he only knew as his classmate) introduced himself and if Koushi had to be honest there and then, he didn’t think that the boy stood out much. The dark haired boy’s quiet and composed nature was a contrast to the others standing in line with them who were oh so eager to prove themselves.
It was only after that did Koushi learn that just because the boy wasn’t boisterous, it didn’t make him any less passionate about the sport. Daichi was sturdy where they were not and continuously proved his reliability be it in his plays, in the laps he ran alongside Koushi and the rest of the team, and in the way he remained when the number of first years gradually decreased due to the club’s strict training regiment.
Soon Daichi’s presence became a stable part of the ash blonde’s life both on and off the court. As he looked at the boy sitting across him from lunch; the boy whose silent confidence came as second nature, Koushi couldn’t help think that Daichi would make an amazing leader and he would gladly follow him wherever he went.
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He felt nothing but hollowness as he stood there with the broken broom in hand.
It didn’t register to him that he had been standing there for three whole minutes; eyes boring into the splintered part of the broom where it had been split into half as if his stare alone could mend it.
As if that alone could make the clocks reverse and fix everything that had gone wrong in the past hour.
Despite how silent and still Koushi was, his mind was nothing but. The voices in his head continuously berated him for his mistakes and flaws. Continuously replayed the scenes from the game earlier to pinpoint what he could’ve done better. Continuously told him that he should’ve been much more reliable because then they wouldn’t have had to rely so much on Asahi and everything would still be fine. Then everything would still be normal.
The weight of someone’s hand on his shoulder shook him out of his thoughts and almost made him drop the broom.
(he didn’t)
His eyes travelled from the hand then to the face of his best friend. Although no words were exchanged, Koushi could tell that Daichi didn’t want him to shoulder the blame. He knew that his best friend wanted Koushi to be a little kinder and to forgive himself.
(he didn’t)
The two best friends also knew that nothing was ever going to be the same and that they had to keep on practicing to get better. But they also knew that Daichi wasn’t going to give up and was going to keep on moving forward, but in order to do so he needed Koushi to stay by his side.
(he did)
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He felt nothing but contentment as they sat next to each other on the bus back home.
The adrenaline rush he felt earlier from being able to play in the match with his team was finally starting to fade and gave way to fatigue. Shiratorizawa wasn’t an easy team to defeat. They fought tooth and nail and had finally achieved their goal (for now) and at this moment, they all deserved to get some shut eye.
Despite how much his mind was screaming at him to get some sleep, Koushi still found the energy to keep the smile on his face. His head turned to look at his best friend who had already dozed off.
“Good job, captain.” he quietly murmured.
Those words were spoken in a hushed tone which was why his heart sped up a little when not long after, Daichi’s head shifted and rested on his shoulder. But when the sleeping captain made no indication of being awake, he closed his eyes to get some rest as well.
He didn’t see the small smile that appeared on the dark haired boy’s face. He was too busy feeling contented to notice.
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He felt nothing but warmth when he realised that he was in love.
The fate of the volleyball club had been handed over to their kouhais and it was strange to walk home earlier than usual, let alone without the noisy bunch. However, that didn’t stop the former volleyball club captain and his vice from visiting the convenience store to get some meat buns and ice cream like they usually did.
As much as they missed the team, the both of them were excited to start the new chapter of their lives called “college”. Their comfortable silences was replaced with eager chatter about their future and how they were going to find out where they got accepted soon and should they study in the same city or prefecture, they could rent an apartment together.
The idea of being so close to Daichi made his heart beat quicker. Warmth engulfed him as he watched the other boy talk animatedly about how cool it would be for them to live together. It was then did Koushi learn that he was madly in love with his best friend.
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He felt nothing but panic when things between them changed.
It had only been less than a couple of months since they moved in together and yet the domestic routine they’ve established made it seem like years.
The air around them seemed different. Living with Daichi had made him hyper aware of the little touches they made, or the way he would stand a little too close at times, or the way he would hug him a little too long.
Koushi had known that he was in love with his best friend for months now but had chosen not to act on it for fear of losing their friendship. That decision made him feel even more horrible when he realised that he wasn’t doing a great job in concealing his feelings and was projecting them onto his best friend.
It was then did he start avoiding him.
It pained him. It pained him so much to keep himself away from Daichi. The fact that they were living together only made if harder and it crushed him to see the glimpses of hurt on Daichi’s face whenever he made another excuse to not spend time with him.
But Koushi knew that it was for the best. That the other boy deserved so much more than someone who couldn’t even be a proper best friend because he was too distracted by his fantasies.
The panic never left and when it got too overwhelming, he made his thoughts vocal to Yui when she visited one day. He felt a lighter (but only a little) once the things that were bottled up were no longer hidden. In fact he almost believed Yui when she tried to reassure him that everything was going to be fine.
It still bothered him a few days later as he left his last class for the day. He overheard a few girls nearby gushing about some guy outside claiming that he was ‘waiting for the love of his life’, though Koushi paid their words no mind since he had other things to worry about.
At least that was what he thought. The moment he stepped out of the building, all thoughts and worries abandoned him as he came across a sight that would forever be ingrained in his memory.
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He felt nothing as he looked at the boy who stood before him, dressed in his best clothes while he held a large bouquet of Koushi’s favourite flowers;
felt nothing but all of the emotions he had ever felt when his eyes met Daichi’s familiar brown ones, looking at Koushi as if he created the sun, the stars, and the universe.
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