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Rodney groaned as his eyelids slowly opened, his brain rebooting.
"What the…?"
Oh shit, the infirmary. Not again! He hated waking up here to scratchy sheets and beeping machines.
Only…There didn't seem to be any of the usual sounds. There wasn't even an annoying tug from an IV or hem hawing from concerned doctors and nurses. At least that meant Rodney probably wasn't that sick or injured.
All was quiet except for the light snore from his bedside. Rodney turned, well acquainted with that specific sound. Sure enough, John sat, drool steadily dripping down his chin and onto his shirt.
Wait. Onto his Johnny Cash t-shirt? That was odd. Where was his uniform?
"Hey," Rodney tried, but John did not stir. So Rodney tried again, louder and with an added kick. "Hey."
John startled awake, quickly scanning the room for threats, then noticing his location, relaxed back into the chair.
"Hey," he returned.
The fact John didn't immediately call for a doctor confirmed Rodney's hypothesis that he was indeed fine and probably not in need of a hospital stay at all.
"Why am I here?"
John straightened then shrugged.
"You're fine."
"Obviously, but I'm still in a hospital bed."
"Right."
Rodney waited, but John didn't add any details. Even for him, the reply was ridiculously short.
"Why?" Rodney pressed. "Preferably with more than one syllable answers. Or did you turn into a neanderthal when I wasn't looking?"
John cleared his throat and blew out a long breath.
"You were unconscious."
"Four syllables is hardly better."
"Ronon stunned you."
Okay, that was not what Rodney was expecting. He did recognize that sluggish feel that came from being stunned, but he didn't remember it happening. They hadn't been off-world, last Rodney remembered.
"First of all, that's only three syllables. Which you will note is less than four. Second of all, Really? Why?"
John's cheeks flushed red as he looked across the room at the empty cots.
"So Colonel Ellis wouldn't know that…" His sentence drifted.
The infirmary suddenly felt cold as he took in the goosebumps on John's arms and vitriol in John's voice. Oh, that couldn't be good.
"Know what?" Rodney asked.
"It's a long story."
"So I gathered. I assume it has something to do with why you're out of uniform?"
"Yeah."
"Which would be?" Rodney waved his hands around, motioning for John to get to the point already.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"When do you ever? Look, I'm not exactly in the mood for twenty questions right now. Can you please stop being so elusive and start making sense?"
John didn't answer with words but his hazel eyes, ever the window into his thoughts, spoke of pain, worry, fear, and anger all wrapped together. There was something else, too. Nervousness, maybe? That was strange. John was rarely nervous.
"Oh my god. You're acting like one of my scientists when they've made a stupid error and don't want me to see. What did you do?"
"Sorry." And he was sorry about something, Rodney realized, but for what?
"So Ronon shot me and you've decided to cosplay as a civilian."
John nodded.
"What do you remember?" John asked.
Rodney thought back. Nothing about the day stuck out to him other than…Oh. Right.
"The Apollo visited for supplies. Ellis was his usual ass of a self. He told you the brass back home expected all of the military code and ethics to be enforced including in Pegasus. He said it with such a smug look that even I wanted to punch him. But I’m not an idiot so instead I was verbally eviscerating him for being a homophobic asshole, but then there was this flash of red which…oh..that would be Ronon shooting me? But why? He hates Ellis as much as I do and he's not…"
"Because you were so mad you forgot yourself and almost gave us away," John replied and that was definitely anger in his voice. Whether that anger was directed at him or Ellis, Rodney wasn't sure.
"Oh."
"Thankfully Ronon was in the midst of a training exercise so he was able to claim he just missed his mark."
"Like that would happen."
"Yeah, Ellis didn't buy it either, but he couldn't exactly do anything without evidence."
Rodney's gaze narrowed. "You sure? Because the lack of uniform is really starting to freak me out."
John gulped. He deepened his slouch another inch in a way Rodney knew meant he was uncomfortable and definitely hiding something.
"Yeah, about that."
"For the love of… Can you please just tell me the whole story already?"
"Do you…Do you..um…Well…" John straightened, pulled at his shirt, then turned to Rodney, biting back on his lower lip. All the emotions fled from his except one, nervousness. Finally, he choked, "Do you want to get married?"
Rodney froze. Now the infirmary felt unbearably hot and were his cheeks burning? He replayed the words several times but they kept sounding the same. Which made absolutely no sense whatsoever unless John was under alien influence.
"Wait, what?" Rodney asked.
"Married. Do you want to get married?" John did not look at Rodney. Instead he focused on his jeans, picking at a stray strand.
"To who? You?" Rodney asked.
"Yes, to me. You're not dating anyone else, are you?"
"What? No! But…you don't..well…"
"Well what?"
"You don't talk about feelings. In the thirteen months we've been dating, you haven't so much as said you loved me much less mentioned marriage. I assumed you really weren't into that type of thing anymore given what happened with Nancy."
John flinched at his ex-wife's name. He always did. Just more evidence Rodney was right that John would never again be the settling down type.
John said, "Right. And in almost any other circumstance, that would be true."
"So in this circumstance…which would be…?"
"If you don't want to get married, you could just say so."
Of course he wanted to get married! He would have asked if he'd ever even considered John might want to, but he knew John better. He knew this didn't make sense.
"What aren't you telling me? Seriously, John, I'm starting to freak out here."
The fear and anger flashed once again, as John clawed the strand into his fist.
"I resigned my commission," John drawled.
"YOU WHAT??" Rodney didn't mean to shout but the words came pouring out in panic. No no no. John wouldn't do that.
"I resigned," John replied with completely unacceptable calm.
What the hell?
"Why would you do that? Are you crazy? You better take it back. Now! I'll call Woolsey myself for you. He'll listen to reason, and he'll help smooth things over with—"
"I don't want to."
Ugh! John's calm was so annoying! He should be pissed right now. He should be fighting, not resigning.
"You don't want to? Are you serious right now? If you don't, then you'll have to leave Atlantis. You can't do that! Why would you do that?" Why would you do that to us! Rodney doesn't say the last part aloud but he wants to take the words and fling them at John. To make him hear reason.
"Because Ellis was going to figure us out. He had figured us out and that's why he was trying to get you to lose your cool. Once he had the evidence he was going to come for me."
"That asshole! I knew I hated him."
"To be fair, he never liked you."
"No, no he didn't. But that's no reason to take it out on you."
"He doesn't see it that way."
"Well fuck him."
"I'd rather fuck you."
Rodney sputtered, his cheeks now definitely on fire. "Oh my god! You cannot be for real right now. You are…No…We are not kissing or talking sex right now. Not until we solve this. You are not quitting because of Ellis. There's got to be another solution than you giving up Atlantis."
"Yes, there is. I already figured it out, if you'd just answer me. Do you want to get married?"
"You are proposing? As in actually proposing. And you're not even tripping over you words or acting all terrified?"
"Yes, I'm proposing." John met Rodney's gaze, sincerity shining through.
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
Rodney threw his hands into the air. He'd get up and pace, but the stunner left him exhausted.
John continued, "Woolsey says getting married could secure me a place here . I can stay on Atlantis and he can make sure the IOA hires me on as a civilian contractor. We could even do a marriage ceremony in the control room as the ultimate flip off to Ellis and the US military."
"Oh that makes sense. You don't want to marry me because 'you love me'. You want to marry me so you can keep Atlantis. So this isn't a feelings conversation at all and that's why you're not freaking out. It all makes so much sense now!"
John shook his head.
"That's not what's happening."
"Really? Because it's fine if it is. I get it."
John reached over, taking hold of Rodney's hand and squeezing. "Listen, I want to marry you. I want to marry you because I…I…I love you. I quit my job because I realized that I didn't want to keep pretending otherwise and I probably couldn't keep hiding much longer even if I wanted to."
Rodney blinked. Then he blinked again.
He titled his head back, examining John, expecting someone to shout 'April Fools' or something else equally appalling but that at least made sense.
John waited, his gaze so hopeful and sincere…So sure and full of love. Exuding nervous energy.
"Oh god, this is real."
"Yes."
"You want to get married!?!"
"I do," John said confidently, with the air that this all made perfect sense and the feelings were no longer something to run from.
"You love me!?!"
"We established that."
"Yes, but you're admitting it!"
"I do have feelings."
"I knew that! I didn't know that you knew."
"Well I do and I love you."
"Okay. Wow. I love you, too. You know that, right?"
"I suspected," John replied with his banter voice but then he added quietly, "So is that a yes?"
Rodney kicked his legs over the bed and sat up. If this was happening, he wasn't doing this lying down.
"You're going to stay in Atlantis but not be head of the military?"
"Yes?"
"Won't that be awful for you?"
"Not if we're married. Also, Woolsey will give me a good job. It'll be a nice change in pace."
"Are you possessed?"
"No. For the last time, this is real."
"Wow. Um, yes, then? I think."
"You think?"
"I'm just…I don't want you giving up your career for me. I'm glad you are willing to but—"
"I want to, Rodney. Even if you say no, I'm still ready to retire from the military. It's your choice if I do that here or elsewhere."
"Okay. Yes then," Rodney answered, his voice breaking.
"That's not exactly an enthusiastic yes."
"Oh no, it is. I'm just not used to my relationships actually working out."
"Well you'll just have to get used to it," John said, smiling with a lightness Rodney hadn't seen in him since the early days of the expedition when John had shot him in the leg and then threw him over the balcony railing.
Rodney felt lighter, too.
"Kiss to seal the deal?" Rodney asked.
John grinned then leaned forward, locking their lips in agreement.