Chapter Text
“Seduce Me.”
“....What.”
Franziska cracked her whip in irritation. “If I recall, you called me here for my assistance, Miles Edgeworth. However, I cannot provide any aid unless I can see what I am working with.” She lowered her whip, grinning smugly. “Therefore, in order to pass judgement on your romantic efforts, I will graciously debase myself by taking on the role of that foolishly foolish man.”
Edgeworth wasn’t quite able to recover fast enough to keep the stutter from his voice. “Th-This is ridiculous. I can't say that I didn't have my doubts about this- although I certainly didn't expect this level of tomfoolery from you.”
“You are the one who is being foolish. I wonder if you are simply not up to the challenge.”
“I will not sit here and pretend that you are someone who is not my sister. Furthermore I will not make a spectacle of myself by play-acting a scenario wherein I attempt to...” Edgeworth gestured vaguely, “... seduce said person.”
“Hmph. Is that all? Very well. Stay here, Miles Edgeworth. I will return shortly.”
The second Franziska left the room, Edgeworth removed his glasses with one hand, cradling his head with the other. This was a mistake. If he had taken two seconds to think about it, perhaps he could have prevented this.
Technically, he hadn't asked Franziska to come to the states to help him with this… With his problem with that man . He had asked her to come over to help with an entirely unrelated, completely professional work problem. True, the conversation had managed to drift to whether or not a certain defense attorney would be defending. And true, the conversation had snowballed from there as Edgeworth recounted something that had been bothering him over the last few days. And true, at the end, he might have possibly asked for her advice.
But at the end of the day, Edgeworth would maintain that he never directly asked Franziska to come overseas to help him with his problems with Wright.
Er, “that man”.
...Dammit.
It was easier if he didn’t say it was Wright, specifically. However, he was far beyond the point of denying it, however much he wanted to. And worst of all, he had been so close to avoiding all of this, too. If only he'd arrived five minutes later to Trucy’s show- or ten minutes earlier. If only he hadn't overhead that one conversation. If only he had stayed home instead of going out at all. None of this would have ever happened, and he wouldn't be stuck with such unnecessary...
Hearing footsteps approach, Edgeworth sat up to be presentable. He put back on his glasses, at which point he considered checking his prescription as Franziska entered the office with… was that a pineapple?
After closing the door behind her, she marched up to Edgeworth’s deck and placed the pineapple on it. When she turned it around, revealing what was pinned onto the front of it, Edgeworth was entirely sure he’d lost his mind.
“Franziska is that-”
“Now, moving on-”
“Why is there- That shell... no, that couldn't be-”
“Enough of your blathering, we have-”
“Why have you drawn Wright’s face-”
“I said, enough-”
“-over an assassin’s calling card-”
“Quiet, fool!” Franziska shouted, once again putting her whip to use on Edgeworth’s desk, mere inches from where his hand was resting. “As it turns out, that vandalism of evidence was not my handiwork, but that is beside the point.”
Edgeworth was of the opinion that it was very much NOT beside the point, and was in fact a topic of extreme relevance, but he was quickly cut off before he could get a word in.
“It seems that you have some trouble envisioning me as that foolish man, and so I have brought you a proper substitute.” Franziska wagged a finger at him as he s “Now you have finally run out of excuses, little brother.”
“This is shameful.”
“Which is why I have closed the door.”
So she wouldn’t even deny it. Edgeworth glared, but it did nothing other than make the woman more smug. “If there is someone you wish to blame, Miles Edgeworth, blame yourself. Whether it be for developing such foolish feelings, or for waiting so foolishly long, you alone are responsible, and now you must pay the price.”
“If the price is my dignity, I’ll take a rain check.”
Franziska scoffed. “Hmph. This is no time for your signature theatrics. Have you forgotten? We are on a time limit.”
“Just which one of us is being dramatic, I wonder?”
“Perhaps you would prefer if I just told the fool myself.”
Edgeworth tensed immediately. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“If it meant I could end this foolish nonsense, then I would gladly be your messenger of love. Although, I cannot guarantee I will deliver the news in a way that you would approve of.”
Edgeworth had seen a lot of bluffs in his day. However, Franziska wasn’t bluffing. If he didn’t agree to this, right here and now, he would suffer not only a nearly guaranteed rejection, but the embarrassment of a lifetime.
Sensing her victory, she went in for the kill. Slowly, she slid the pineapple closer to Edgeworth. “Now,” she said, straightening back up. “Seduce me. ”
Edgeworth sighed, staring at the (admittedly well done) caricature of Wright. He really had no choice in the matter, did he?
Right then, fine.
Here went nothing.
“FOOL!”
For the umpteenth time that day, Franziska’s whip came down light lightening. “I am not one of your oldbag, fangirl tramps!” she hissed. “I am a man- a simple, foolish man. You glare, blather on about work, and expect me to be under your charms?” -CRACK- “You know how I am in court- I will not understand your point unless you spell it out! You want me to be yours? Earn it! Flirt with me! Say a damned compliment! Seduce me !”
Once again, Edgeworth was glad that the door was soundproof. “That you expect a largely one-sided conversation with a tropical fruit to even remotely resemble my actual conversations is absurd. And might you consider that the glare I have now is in fact meant to be directed at someone other than Wright?”
“Hmph. So, you’re implying that the your inability to come off as even mildly romantic is due to the fact that you are not actually speaking to the object of your affections?”
“That is one way to put it, yes.”
“I see. Your phone, please.”
“Pardon?”
“Lend me your cell phone, Miles Edgeworth, I need to make use of it.”
If Franziska was hoping to find pictures of Phoenix Wright on his cellphone, she was going to be sorely mistaken. However, it seemed she really did just need to make a phone call, as before long he heard the dial tone as she put the phone on speaker.
“You know, the landline would probably work better-”
“Quiet,” Franziska hushed him, just as the click of the call being picked up came through.
“Hello?” the voice didn’t offer to identify the name who had picked up. Edgeworth didn’t need a name to recognize it, and paled slightly.
“Phoenix Wright.”
“Yeah, uh, that's me. ...Hey, you’re not Edgeworth, why is his cell number-”
“I have no time for your foolish drivel, Phoenix Wright. My fool of a brother needs to speak to you.”
Sending Edgeworth a pointed glance while Phoenix babbled on (P-Prosecutor Von Karma? Is that you? What's going on-), she slid the phone across the desk. Edgeworth stared at it for a moment, before picking it up.
“I'm sorry Wright, there's been a misunderstanding. I don't need to talk to you. Goodbye.”
Without waiting for a reply, he hit the end button and put the phone down. Franziska scowled down at him.
“Pathetic.”