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The Avengers had been back at the compound for nearly a month. And they were all convinced Tony hated them.
Not because he’d actually done anything, but because every conversation somehow ended with him being an ass.
“Morning, Tony.”
“It’s actually afternoon.”
“It’s 11:58.”
“Close enough.”
#
The problem was that he also kept disappearing.
Every single day.
Without fail.
#
“Where’s Stark?”
“Workshop.”
“Again?”
“Again.”
#
And every single time someone asked Tony what he was doing,
“It’s classified.” He would say
“Why?”
“Because you’re annoying.”
#
Naturally, this made everyone suspicious.
#
Then Peter started appearing. At first nobody thought much of it. Random teenager. Intern.
Whatever.
#
Then they started noticing things.
#
Like Peter sprinting through the hallway carrying what appeared to be a car battery.
“Peter?”
“No time!”
“Why are you carrying-”
“No time!”
#
Or Peter appearing at breakfast on a weekend with soot on his face.
“Are you okay?”
“Probably.”
“Probably?”
#
Or the time Peter walked into the common room, sat down, started eating chips.
And then casually dropped three screws out of his hair.
Natasha stared, “Peter.”
“Yeah?”
“There are bolts in your hair.”
“Oh.”
He reached up, pulled out a washer, looked at it said, “Looks like I missed one.”
And simply walked away.
Nobody liked this
Nobody.
Especially not Steve.
Because every time he questioned Tony-
“Tony.”
“No.”
“You don’t know what I was going to ask.”
“Don’t need to.”
“Tony.”
“No.”
And then he’d just vanish again.
#
The first major incident happened three weeks later.
#
Tony was actually sitting with them. For once.
A miracle.
They were halfway through a meeting when FRIDAY suddenly interrupted, “Boss.”
Tony immediately looked concerned, “What?”
“Peter has activated the mini-slingshot.”
The room went silent.
Tony stood, “Oh, for the love of-”
He cut himself off, and immediately started speed-walking toward the door.
Steve blinked, “What mini-slingshot?”
“Nothing.”
“You just said-”
“It’s not important.”
“Tony.”
“Bye.”
And he was gone.
The Avengers stared.
“…Mini-slingshot?” Someone whispered, probably Clint.
“What does that even mean?” Sam asked.
Nobody knew.
And that was the problem.
#
A few days later it happened again.
“Boss.”
Tony groaned immediately, “What now?”
“Peter and the Sergeant are arguing over launch angles.”
Tony froze.
The Avengers froze.
Tony slowly looked upward, towards a camera, “…FRIDAY.”
“Yes, Boss?”
“You weren’t supposed to say that part.”
Steve stood, “Who is the Sergeant?”
Tony pointed at him, “No questions.”
And immediately left.
The Avengers looked at each other.
“The Sergeant?” Natasha repeated.
“The only sergeant we know is Bucky.” Clint said.
“But Bucky’s in Wakanda.”
“…Right?”
Nobody was feeling very confident anymore.
#
The next week things got worse. Much worse.
Because they started hearing things.
Yelling.
Crashing.
Arguments.
Laughter.
Always from the workshop.
And every single time Tony would make some excuse:
“Maintenance.”
CRASH.
“Definitely maintenance.”
BOOM.
“Very much so maintenance.”
Nobody believed him.
Finally Clint snapped, “We’re following him.”
Nobody objected. Not even Steve.
So when Tony left after lunch.
The Avengers followed.
Quietly.
Or as quietly as they could manage.
Which wasn’t very.
Eventually they reached the workshop. Most of the windows had been blacked out.
Except one small section. And through it-
They saw everything.
Tony.
Peter.
And..
James Buchanan Barnes.
Very much not in Wakanda.
Steve nearly choked, “What.”
Inside the workshop absolute chaos was unfolding. Peter was holding a large wooden box. Bucky was trying to take it. Tony was trying to take it from both of them.
“Give me the launcher.”
“No.”
“Peter.”
“No.”
“Barnes.”
“No.”
“YOU ARE- like, ONE THOUSAND YEARS OLD”
“And?”
“YOU HAVE A METAL ARM.”
“And?”
“YOU’RE ENCOURAGING HIM.”
“It’s funny.”
“It is funny,” Peter agreed.
Tony looked personally betrayed. Bruce walked into view carrying a toolbox. Took one look, AND immediately turned around.
“Nope.”
The Avengers finally snapped.
Steve shoved the door open, “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!”
Everything and everyone froze.
Tony looked up.
Peter looked up.
Bucky looked up.
There was a long silence.
Steve pointed, “WHY IS BUCKY HERE?!”
Sam pointed too, “WE THOUGHT HE WAS IN WAKANDA!”
Clint joined in, “HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE IN WAKANDA!”
“YOU LIED!”
“FOR MONTHS!”
“WHY IS HE LIVING IN THE WORKSHOP?!”
The accusations came all at once. Tony just stood there.
Completely silent.
Which somehow made everyone angrier.
“Are you even listening?”Steve demanded.
Tony nodded.
Slowly.
His lips twitching.
Natasha narrowed her eyes, “Why are you smiling?”
Tony immediately looked away, “I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m absolutely not.”
His shoulders started shaking.
Steve stopped mid-rant, “Are you laughing?”
“No, I'm crying.”
“Tony.”
“No.”
Bruce suddenly appeared behind them again . One look at Tony. One look at Bucky. And Bruce immediately had to bite his lip.
Which was a terrible sign.
Because now Bucky looked like he was trying not to laugh too. And Peter was outright grinning.
“What is wrong with all of you?” Sam demanded.
Nobody answered.
Then-
THWACK.
Something hit Steve directly in the centre of his forehead.
Everyone froze.
Steve blinked.
A ping-pong ball dropped onto the floor.
Bounce.
Bounce.
Bounce.
Silence.
Slowly…
Everyone turned.
A robot was holding a miniature slingshot.
Still pointed directly at Steve.
The room remained silent for exactly two-and-a-half seconds.
Then Bruce exploded.
Absolutely exploded.
Laughing so hard he doubled over.
Tony lost it immediately after.
Peter nearly fell off his chair.
Bucky was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.
Steve stood there.
Holding a ping-pong ball.
“What.” was the only thing his dumfounded mind could come up with.
That only made them laugh harder.
Tears were literally running down Bruce’s face.
Tony was bent over a workbench.
Peter was wheezing.
Bucky looked seconds from passing out.
Finally Clint plucked the ball from Steve’s slackenned hand.
Looked at it, looked around the workshop.
And noticed something.
Several somethings.
Wooden frames, rubber tubing, blueprints, measurements, launch calculations.
A giant covered object in the corner.
“…Tony.”
“No, ” Tony wheezed.
“Tony.”
“No.”
Clint pointed, “What is under the tarp?”
Immediately Peter started laughing again. Bucky sat down on the floor. Bruce covered his face.
Tony closed his eyes, “Oh, God.”
Steve marched over -his brain finally working- and pulled the tarp away.
Silence.
Complete.
Shocked.
Silence.
The Avengers stared.
“It’s…” Sam began.
“A giant slingshot,” Natasha finished.
“A giant slingshot, “ Tony nodded, seriously.
Steve looked at the ping-pong ball, still in Clint's hand.
Then the giant slingshot.
Then Bucky.
Then Peter.
Then Tony.
“You hid Bucky from us.”
“Technically.”
“For a giant slingshot.”
“Technically.”
“For weeks.”
“Technically.”
Steve looked ready to throw himself through a wall.
Meanwhile Peter looked proud.
“It’s for a watermelon, ” He said.
The room went silent.
“…A what?”
“A watermelon, ” Peter repeated
Bucky nodded, “We’re seeing how far we can launch it.”
Bruce immediately started laughing again.
And Steve finally understood.
Tony hadn’t been hiding a weapon.
He wasn’t building anything dangerous.
He wasn’t plotting anything.
He’d spent an entire month hiding Bucky, supervising Peter, and building a giant watermelon launcher.
And somehow that was worse.