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There's a knock on the back door to the manor. Bruce opens it, dressed in his best. “Mr. Wayne. Looking as dashing as ever.” Superman is there pressing a kiss to Bruce's knuckles.
“Why thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.” Bruce steps closer with a flirty smile.
“Are you sure this is the best plan?” Clark whispers,
“It's our best shot.” Bruce murmurs back.
“So we ready for this thing or not?” A new voice startles them both out of their personal bubble. Both of them spring apart.
“Dick? What… what are you doing here?” Clark blinks,
It was a redundant question. Like Bruce and Clark, Dick was also dressed to the nines. Dick had on a luxurious suit that had come tailored from Bruce's usual tailor. Except Dick had stopped going there a while ago.
“I'm coming to the gala of course.” Dick smiles,
His smile is too sharp, his eyes too bright.
“You hate galas.” Bruce frowns uneasily.
“Yeah but if you think I'm missing this trainwreck you clearly don't know me.” Dick gestures to them both. “I mean Superman going as Brucie Wayne's date? The comedic potential is ENDLESS, don't you think?”
Dread pools into both of their guts.
“It's for a case.” Clark says,
“Sure it is.” Dick smirks,
“It is.” Bruce scowls, “You really think I would pick Superman out of everyone to date?”
“Let me guess you would pick yourself to date right? Batman and Brucie Wayne. Such a match.” Clark laughs,
Bruce glares at his best friend.
“See. This is exactly why I'm going. Plus I invited friends.” Dick's grin becomes predatory.
“Friends?” Bruce says cautiously.
“Yeah Wayne. Friends.” A new voice, Oliver walks up behind Dick, slinging an arm around Bruce's eldest son.
“You didn't think we'd miss this.. did you Spooky?” Hal comes in,
“Honestly it's not just Bruce. Supes is to blame too. You didn't even invite us.” Barry pouts,
“Good thing Dick was kind enough to inform us.” Diana is the last to appear, sealing Bruce and Clark's fate. Blood drains from their faces.
“You're ALL coming.” Bruce stares at them.
“Well why else would we be dressed so nice asshole.” Hal rolls his eyes.
“This is a terrible idea.” Clark says,
“You just don't want us to have any fun.” Barry frowns,
“This isn't fun!! This is a case!!!” Bruce snaps,
“Keep telling yourself that.” Diana snickers, the others laugh with her.
“I told you this was a terrible idea.” Clark groans,
“It'll be fine. As long as the rest of you don't MEDDLE.” Bruce glares at them.
“We won't meddle. We'll just watch.” Dick pulls out a domino.
Bruce frowns.
“Did you really forget? It's a masquerade party Bruce.” Dick grins, “This one's gonna be for the books.”
The mask cam footage.
They were so screwed.
"You can't wear a domino!" Clark tries,
"Why not?" Dick counters,
"What if they think you're Nightwing?" Clark argues,
"Then I guess Nightwing swiped an invite." Dick grins,
Clark looks at Dick, then turns to Bruce. "Bruce! Do something!"
"What do you want ME to do?" Bruce scowls,
"Stop him." Clark frowns,
"Even when he was 8 I couldn't get him to listen to me. What makes you think I can now?" Bruce sighs, his headache already forming. "He likes you more anyway! YOU tell him to stop!"
"I DID!"
"Wow the gala hasn't even started yet you two." Oliver smirks,
Both Clark and Bruce level matching glares at him.
“You know… it's like that siblings or dating thing online.” Hal says, “They look so similar they could be mistaken for siblings rather than dates.”
Bruce sputters, Clark chokes on air. The rest of them laugh at their expense.
“Anyway anyway I gotta know. How are you getting there?” Oliver asks,
“What.” Bruce is so lost.
“You know. Car, limo, or is Superman going to fly you in like… bridal carry?” Barry asks, the last of his sentence fizzling out into laughter. Both Bruce and Clark are beetroot red.
“Oh come on Barry. Bruce hates the bridal carry.” Oliver chides with a grin.
“BATMAN hates the bridal carry. Brucie Wayne would love it.” Diana grins,
Dick is wheezing.
“I hate all of you.” Bruce mutters,
“I concur.” Clark scowls,
“You know if you guys keep standing here you'll be late.” Oliver chides mockingly.
“Oh wait…Oliver. Come on. His date is SUPERMAN. They could spend 10 minutes canoodling and still get there on time.” Hal's grin is evil. Dick howls in laughter. Barry is on the floor wheezing. Diana can't see through her tears as she clutches her stomach.
“Canoodle..” Oliver collapses against a pillar.
“Can we please leave.” Bruce sighs,
“Gladly.”
“Oh… oh there they go to canoodle.” Dick wheezes,
20 minutes later….
“They're still watching us aren't they?” Bruce says through his tight smile.
“Who? Everyone is watching us.” Clark mutters back.
“You know who.”
“No I don't actually.”
“Dick and the others.”
“Oh yeah, they haven't moved from the desserts table.”
Silence.
“Are they talking about us?” Bruce asks,
“I thought you said to ignore them.” Clark replies his smile strained.
“It's better to know if they're planning something.”
“They're just talking about my hand on your waist.”
“That's it?”
“Yes.”
“Because if that's code for something else we're screwed.”
“Bruce genuinely shut up before a break one of your ribs.”
“Jerk.”
“Asshole.”
An elderly couple comes up for Superman's autograph. They talk with Bruce about how he got Superman as a date.
“Saving someone's life goes a long way.” Clark chuckles,
“Yes it does.” Bruce replies sweetly. “He swooped me off my feet that day. Both literally and emotionally.”
“Did he now?” A new, very familiar voice.
Oh my god.
“Richard. What a pleasure. It's been so long since I've seen you here.” The woman pinches Dick’s cheeks.
“I know. I haven't been home much, but you know, Superman's my favorite superhero. So when I found out about this.. well of course I had to come.” Dick says, smiling brightly.
“Why isn't that such a lovely coincidence.” The husband replies,
“Yes of course. Coincidences.” Bruce says, his glare at Dick is subtle through the smile. His child ignores him.
“Yes and you know Superman has been my favorite for the longest time. It's just… well I always thought he had a thing for Batman though. Maybe it's just a thing for gothamites then.” Dick chuckles, the couple laughs with him. Clark and Bruce glare holes into Dick’s head.
“Anyway it's been a pleasure. Richard. Bruce. Superman.” The couple leaves,
Bruce turns to unleash the wrath of a thousand suns on Dick, only to realize the gremlin vanished.
“Sometimes I think when we die we won't go to hell because all of our suffering already happened on earth.” Clark sighs,
Bruce snorts involuntarily at that. Clark grins wryly in response.
15 minutes later they're in a group of about 10 or 12 people. There's laughter, clinks of glasses and for a few minutes Bruce and Clark are able to seamlessly play their parts.
“Ah. Bruce. Long time.” Oliver claps a hand on Bruce's shoulder. Diana on his arm. “Have you met my friend Diana?”
“Yes….” Bruce replies,
The circle had gone quiet around them. Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen were an interesting pair. Best friends turned distant turned…. friends again? If the 2 were in the same room, the rumors would spiral.
“Oh. Superman. Your date is Superman.” Diana feigns shock.
“Yes. He is.” Bruce smiles artificially.
“Damn. I didn't know Superman did charity work too.” Oliver smiles, there's light laughter from the crowd. The crowd. Bruce thinks with dread.
Clark chokes on the drink he was drinking. He coughs, Bruce's smile is frozen on his face.
“I.. uh….” Clark doesn't know what to say. Bruce is formulating a response.
“Anyway it was nice seeing you both. Such cute lovebirds.” Diana winks, and then they're both gone.
“I'm gonna kill him.” Bruce mutters through his smile.
Clark just coughs. Bruce excuses them both to get Clark some water. They disappear into a hallway with their glasses.
“This sucks.” Clark groans, leaning his head against the wall.
“We need to get rid of them somehow.” Bruce frowns, deep in thought.
“They're not like cockroaches that we can just spray away Bruce.” Clark rolls his eyes.
“Then we stage an emergency.”
“There are so many heroes. They could easily handle it.”
“Do YOU have a better plan?”
“Awww are the love birds canoodling?” Hal snickers, walking in. Bruce lunges, Clark pulls him back.
“Stop it.” Clark reprimands,
“Tell HIM to stop.” Bruce glares at Hal who was languidly sipping a drink.
“Hal. Stop it.” Clark says,
“Why? This is fun.” Hal grins, sipping the drink.
“I will END you.” Bruce grabs Hal by the collar of his shirt.
“I haven't even DONE anything. Wow you're really wound up about this.” Hal has the audacity to laugh in his face.
Clark grabs the collar of Bruce's suit. He pulls, there's a loud ripping sound.
Silence.
Bruce turns around slowly. Clark is now holding the back part of Bruce's suit jacket. Just the back part.
“Oh… oh my god…” Hal wheezes leaning against the wall for support.
“I….” Bruce is speechless.
“I… I think you'll have to take the rest of it…..” Hal tries to speak.
“You… you ripped my jacket.” Bruce says dumbly.
“Yeah uh… sorry…” Clark winces,
“No.. you oh my god Alfred will end me.” Bruce groans,
The night couldn't get any worse.
A few minutes later, Bruce is now sin suit jacket, with an awkward looking Clark hovering by him. Everyone seems to be giving them “knowing” looks. Bruce wants the ground to swallow him whole.
“Having fun?” Barry appears with a cake pop. “Didn't you have a jacket Bruce?”
“Clark ripped it.” Bruce scowls, “And now Alfred is going to yell at me when I go back so NO Barry. I'm NOT having fun.”
“Awww. Want a cake pop?” Barry offers him another cake pop. Bruce glares at him. “Your loss.”
Barry shrugs and mercifully leaves them alone. Just as the lights dim and the song switches to something that can only be described as romantic. The center of the room is the only part bathed in light. The center, where Bruce and Clark are. Couples come to the floor. Bruce glances around and spots Dick whispering to the orchestra conductor. Alongside the wall Diana is by the lights, giving them a thumbs up.
“It was the only way. He said. It would be easy. He said.” Clark mutters, taking Bruce's hand.
“I didn't hear you come up with any other plans.” Bruce shoots him a glare, resting a hand on Clark's shoulder. Clark's other hand finds his waist.
“Well I couldn't think of anything.” Clark shoots back. “It's your fault that Dick found out about it!”
“My fault?!”
“Yes your fault! If he didn't find out we would've already been done and OUT by now!”
“It's not like I TOLD HIM! He found out on his own!”
“This was such a terrible idea.” Clark mutters,
Bruce steps on his foot, his glare vitriolic.
“Your foot okay? That probably hurt your foot more than mine.” Clark smirks,
Bruce's eye twitches. They both dance silently after that, looking for their targets, until the twirl.
“I see them!” Bruce whispers, his eyes trained on the 2 sharply dressed men they were supposed to be talking to.
“What.” It's too late. Clark whips around too fast. Bruce goes flying, crashing into the dessert table.
The violins screech to a halt. The light, which was on the center, has panned over to Bruce. Clark sees Hal by the lightswitch with Diana. Both are leaning hard against the wall laughing. Clark is frozen in mortification.
“That's some strength eh Superman?” Oliver claps Clark on the shoulder with a maniacal grin as he drags him over to Bruce who was now covered in pastries and chocolate, from the fancy chocolate fountain, which was now sputtering uselessly on the ground. If Bruce had heat vision Clark would've been roasted alive. Oh he's pissed…
“God dad. Can't have a single night without you causing a scene.” Dick announces his arrival with the flair of a showman. The crowd titters with laughter. The orchestra starts up again like nothing happened. He yanks Bruce up and starts dragging him out through a side exit. Oliver and Clark follow, later Diana and Hal join them. At the curb, Barry’s waiting with the limo. The entire ride home is in tense silence. Bruce sits next to Dick and spends the entire time glaring holes into Clark's head. They make it back to the manor.
The walk of shame past Alfred is one that not even Clark's superspeed can help them avoid. Forget walk. They don't even make it out of the foyer.
“Oh. My.” Alfred gapes at Bruce.
“It was all HIS FAULT!” Bruce whirls immediately on Clark.
“MY FAULT?!”
“YOU THREW ME INTO THE DESSERT TABLE AND RIPPED MY JACKET!”
“THOSE WERE ACCIDENTS!”
“YOU STILL DID IT!”
“I was keeping him from jumping Hal! That's why I grabbed his suit jacket!” Clark turns to Alfred for sensibility since Bruce didn't have any anymore.
“Speaking of Hal.” Bruce rounds on the rest of them, still dripping chocolate on the floor. “WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS?!”
“I.. so..sorry its just… I can NOT take you seriously right now…” Hal laughs,
Bruce looks murderous.
“Look if you're worried about the case don't worry. We handled it.” Oliver says,
“Case?” Clark and Bruce pause,
“Don't tell me you guys forgot your own case. Come on you two. How distracted were you by each other?" Barry smirks.
“By eachother??? YOU GUYS were the distraction!” Clark snaps,
“Yeah but I thought World's Finest was beyond distractions. Well-oiled machine and all that." Hal smirks,
Bruce makes to grab him again. Clark doesn't stop him. Alfred does.
“If you drip chocolate anywhere else you WILL be cleaning it up.” Alfred threatens,
Bruce sullenly stays put. Hal sticks his tongue out at him, Bruce flips him off.
“Oliver, Dick and I had a lovely chat with your marks. Dick's mask cam footage should have all the evidence you need.” Diana says with a wry smile on her face.
“Yeah. My mask cam footage has everything from tonight.” Dick says gleefully.
Bruce and Clark just exchange long suffering looks.
When Bruce looks back at the rest of them he just looks exhausted.
“I want all of you out of the house by the time I'm done cleaning up.” Bruce commands,
“Even me Dad?” Dick the absolute menace asks with wide puppy dog eyes.
“Dick. This is your home. Not house.” Bruce corrects, then without any other word takes his dripping shirt off and hands it to Alfred. Both him and Clark disappear into the manor.
30 Minutes Later....
“Who knew chocolate was so sticky?” Bruce sighs,
“Be lucky it wasn't caramel or something.” Clark mutters,
They had both taken showers and changed into more comfortable clothes. Clark's had spare clothes at the manor since he and Bruce first became friends.
“We are NEVER living that down are we.” Bruce sighs,
“Nope. Never.” Clark mutters,
They trek down the stairs, reheating some food from the fridge to eat.
“I can't believe they actually got the evidence.” Clark shakes his head in astonishment.
“Tell me about it. They hijacked our whole operation, turned us into the ultimate distraction, and did what we came there to do.” Bruce eats a bite of his food.
“You sound impressed.” Clark smirks,
Bruce rolls his eyes, but his lack of response is the answer Clark needs. They clean up the dishes.
“Movie?” Clark offers,
“I need a distraction from my life. So yes.” Bruce agrees immediately. Clark laughs in response. They both walk to the living room and freeze.
“I thought I told you guys to leave.” Bruce finally says.
“Yeah… but we felt kinda bad…” Barry says sheepishly.
“We were just helping Dick set this up and we were gonna head out.” Diana says, setting down a bowl of popcorn. The lights had been dimmed and snacks laid out on the coffee table. Hal and Oliver walk in, Hal had soda and Oliver had wine with him. They set it awkwardly on the table.
“Oh… uh… we thought you would take longer…” Oliver scratches the back of his head. The rest of them had changed out of their gala clothes too.
“You guys…” Clark was smiling.
Bruce shakes his head. “You are such a softy.”
Dick walks in with a tub of ice cream. He freezes when he sees them, looking like a caught little kid. Bruce's lips twitch into a smile. He and Clark exchange looks.
Bruce sits down on the sofa. “I think it's a little late for all of you to go home don't you think?”
“Yeah. Plus the manor has dozens of rooms.” Clark agrees plopping down next to him and reaching for a chip.
“Awww Spooky is a secret softy.” Hal teases, sitting down on the sofa.
“I'm not above throwing you out the window Jordan.” Bruce scowls,
“Yeah but that's normal.” Barry plops down next to Hal.
“Bruce's always been a softy. He's never really been secretive about it.” Dick sits down in between Clark and Bruce. They both just shuffle to make room for him. Diana and Oliver sit down last.
“So what're we watching?” Clark asks,
“Oh you know… a documentary..” Dick trails off, cueing something up with the remote.
“You hate documentaries.” Bruce frowns,
“Not this one.” Dick grins, the tv screen loads. On screen they see Bruce and Superman, at the gala. The mask cam footage.
Clark and Bruce are dead silent. Horror stricken. Dick glances at both of them and bursts out laughing.
“Kidding. Kidding jesus. We'll watch this some other time.” Dick stops mirroring his phone and instead clicks onto Netflix.
“You are such a menace.” Clark breathes, through a laugh.
“I almost had a heart attack.” Bruce slumps back against the sofa.
“Oh yeah we noticed.” Barry snickers, the others laugh with him. Clark throws pillows at all of them.
“Guys guys the movie!” Dick exclaims before a pillow fight can start. They all settle down to watch.