Chapter Text
Juno
I was hit while we were running. A dark matters agent threw some kind of canister at us. I was at the back of the group. The air filled with gas. Jet glanced back at me. He looked… scared. I’d never seen the big guy look scared like that. And then I couldn’t see anything through the pale smoke filling the air.
“Damn-it! Jet!” I call out coughing “Rita!”
I hear lazer fire from… somewhere. I draw my blaster. I stumble around trying to find my way out and back to the Ruby 7, back to the Carte Blanche. I step on uneven ground and go down. I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I hear footsteps. Dark matters agents are closing in. I shoot blindly into the fog but they keep coming. I brace for a fight and then…
Buddy is beside me. Her red hair is warm in the dark. She wears a gas mask and shoves another one into my hands. She must have taken them off the agents unconscious at her feet.
“Juno darling do try to keep up” She takes my arm and hauls me up.
I take a step and collapse into her. “Fuck ‘m sorry”
“Its ok darling hold onto me the Ruby 7 is just ahead”
We stumble forward together. It is excruciatingly slow. Every second we’re out here is a second we could be arrested or killed.
“Buddy I..” And I don’t know what I’d been about to say. Probably something stupid about how she should go on without me. She never would. She would refuse then chew me out for it as soon as we were back on the ship. She’d say something about how we ‘must rely on each other’ and ‘trust each other completely’ and never do something ‘as stupid and selfish as sacrificing our own lives’
Luckily Jet saves us both the trouble.
The Ruby’s headlights shown through the smoke Rita throws open the back door Buddy and I slide in. Jet commands the ruby to filter the cabin air. Buddy and I remove our masks.
“Thanks big guy” I say. My voice was hoarse from coughing.
I felt warm. I felt happy to be alive and in the Ruby with the Aurinko crime family. I don’t know what that gas was but I know I’m safe now.
“Of course” He says “Are you feeling alright Juno?”
“M’hm” I say
I close my eyes and lay my head back. I feel the Ruby sway as it moves through space back to the Carte Blanche, our home. I listen as Rita recounts her activities to Buddy.
“I am glad you are safe,” Jet say, his deep voice rumbles through me.
I’d always liked it from the moment I'd heard it. I tried not to think about it. A stupid crush on Jet would cause problems. But right now? Safe and sound, fresh off a near death experience, warm and content on the edge of sleep I just let it wash over me.
“I am sorry I did not go back for you immediately” He sounds regretful.
I like how it sounds. Go back for me he wanted to protect me, to save me. The image of Jet’s strong arms lifting me instead of Buddy’s appeared in my mind. I imagine him pulling me into his chest. His hands would be warm against my skin. His fingers would dig into my arms as he dragged me along and then my mind really gets away from me and I imagine him holding onto my hips as he pulls me closer, pulls me down to meet his cock.
For the first time since seeing Jet under that streetlight I let myself feel the desire I'd been trying so hard to ignore.
“Juno?” He sounds worried. Fuck it feels good to be worried about.
Buddy’s voice comes next “Let him sleep Jet. He’ll be ok”
And that is all I remember
When I wake again it's alone in my bed. I feel hot and I feel pain. It's a far cry from the warmth of the car ride but somehow I recognize it as the same feeling. Just, turned up to 11. I hunch over in bed. It hurts. Radiating from the center of my chest is a searing pain that feels inexplicably like… heartbreak? That doesn’t make sense! It doesn't… But I can't think. It hurts and I need…
I shift slightly and realize on top of the pain and the heat and the confusion my dick is hard. What the fuck.
I need help. But, I can’t go out like this so I reach into my pants and grasp my cock. And it feels like nothing else. I don’t know if it's the drug or the pain but it feels so so good. My breathing picks up my left hand curls in the sheets. It's intense. I spit in my hand and stroke faster. I want to end this quickly. I’m gasping now. I do my best to stay quiet but I can't help the little moans coming from my mouth. The pleasure builds and builds and… just keeps building. I’d been on the edge of cumming for ages and it just wasn’t happening. The pain swells and I just want it to stop. My mind drifts to Jet, to the fear in his eyes when he saw the gas. He knows what this is. Maybe he can help.
I can't stop the image that comes to my mind next: of him taking my cock in his hand and holding me to the bed with a hand against my shoulder. I imagine that deep voice telling me how good I'm doing and how beautiful I look. He wouldn’t say it like that though. He’d say something Jet-like like you are doing well juno, you look adequate.
Fuck.
Jet knows what this is. I know I should go see Vespa but I can’t cum. My cock is hard, my hand is covered in spit, my chest aches and the image of Jet’s big hands on my skin is fixed in my mind. No, I can't go to Vespa like this. It would be humiliating. But Jet. He would understand. The big guy doesn’t even go in for sex or romance so he probably wouldn’t even make it weird! Its perfect.
I give up on jerking off and make an attempt to stand. I say attempt because well… I took one step and crumple to the floor.
“Damn it!”
I pull myself up by the edge of the bed. I feel so weak. I make my way to the wall of my room and put my weight against it. I move slowly along the wall to the door and out to the hall.
The hallway lights are bright. It’s jarring. I move a little faster. I’d really like to avoid being caught out here like this by Buddy or Vespa who would just drag me to the med bay or by Nureyev who can hardly stand to look at me as it is.
The thought of his face twisted in disgust and pity was painful in an entirely separate way from the pain spreading through my chest. He already thinks im incompetent on a good day what must he think now. The idea that this stupid mistake, falling behind and getting drugged, only confirms his worst opinions of me brings tears to my eyes. I should have left with him when I had the chance. He wouldn’t look at me like that like I’m... nothing to him, worse than nothing, like I'm in his way. I wouldn’t be here in this stupid situation hobbling down the hall holding back tears trying to hide a hard on that won't go away.
Finally I stop in front of Jet’s door. I knock. Nothing.
“Jet” I call “Big guy” but my voice feels weak.
I don’t think he’s inside. I hadn’t thought this through. He's probably in the living room playing cards with Buddy or in the garage working on the Ruby and listening to Rita talk about her streams. I feel so utterly alone. I can't stand anymore. I slump against his door. Tears roll down my face. The exhaustion finally takes over and I close my eyes and lay like that in a crumpled pile in front of Jet’s door.
Jet
“Excuse me for a moment Rita” I stand from my seat beside Rita on the couch.
She had been explaining where she believed the Ruby 7 came from. Her explanation was unlikely but every possibility is worth exploring.
Buddy saw me leaving “Are you quite alright Jet?”
We had left Neptune days ago but ever since that day ever since M’tendeda and the battery everyone on the Carte Blanche had been worried about me. Constantly. But, I had made peace with the Unnatural Disaster. At least as much peace as I could hope for.
“Yes.” I tell her
I do not elaborate further. If I am correct about the contents of the canister that hit Juno and the sounds I heard from the hallway this is not something I or Juno wants the whole crew following me for.
That gas. I was able to avoid most of it. If it had had any effect on me or on the rest of the crew no one had noticed. The longer one is exposed to it the more intense the effect. I had used the drug… recreationally. Back in the days of the Unnatural Disaster. Taken in small doses it calms you down, makes you feel good, safe. It is a Dark Matters drug developed for interrogations. I had used small doses in that way too. I am not proud of that fact and I am not eager to be anywhere near the drug or its effects. But I know I heard Juno’s voice. I know I heard him say my name and I already abandoned him once today. I would not do it again.
I found him slumped in front of my door. I knelt beside him. “Juno”
He takes in a shaky breath but does not open his eyes. I cup his face in my hand. He feels hot. I had taken too much once and the warmth grows and grows until it feels like you are being wrenched in two. Juno had been in the smoke for a long time. He had had much more than anyone should.
“Juno, can you hear me?” I run my thumb back and forth against his cheek. It is at that motion that he lets out a shuddering breath and opens his eye.
“Jet?” His eye was wide and scared. He yanks his head away from me and pushes himself as close to the door as he could get. Then he doubles over in pain. He groans and apologizes, “I'm sorry.”
“This is not your fault.” I stand “let me take you to the med bay I will get Vespa and…”
“No!” Juno looks up at me again. “No please Jet I just” He trails off.
“You are sick”
“You know what this is.” Juno spoke between heavy breaths “A guy like you, scared like that? You know exactly what this is so spill” He sounds like he had when he first boarded the Carte Blanche demanding information Buddy was already going to give him. “Am I in danger?” And then he sounds like the Juno I had come to know. Ernest and vulnerable.
It is clear Juno is not taking another step until he understands what is happening so I sit down in front of him.
“Yes” His eye widens. “I know what this is. You are not in life threatening peril though I imagine it feels like it.” Juno nods with relief.
“Yeah it does. It does. What is it?” He asks
I explain what it is, where it came from, how it works, and my… relationship to it.
“You took this? Voluntarily?” He asks “I feel like I’m… I’m… on fire! Like I’m burning from the inside out.”
“It does not feel that way in small doses. Do you remember how you felt in the car?”
“Yeah yeah it was nice actually” he chuckles and his laugh turns into a groan. “What do I do?”
“Hold onto my arm and I will take you to Vespa.” I hold my hand out and he takes it. Even his hands are unnaturally warm.
“Wait” he says before I can stand “What’ll she do?”
“There are… limited treatment options” I am nervous to discuss this with him. “Have you experienced an erection that will not end?”
“Yes” He looks away.
“At a dose like this there is only one thing that eases the pain.” I stroke my thumb back and forth against his hand hoping to demonstrate. “Physical touch.” His gaze is locked onto our hands now. His breathing has sped up. “A sexual experience is the most effective”
“A sexual experience…” He repeats, still looking at our hands together. “Wait so what she's gonna jerk me off?!” He looks back up at me “She'd sooner cut my dick clean off than touch me… anywhere!”
“That is correct.”
“Great” Juno shifts again, gripping my hand tighter.
“She would likely leave you to ride it out in a controlled environment. Make sure you stay hydrated and don’t fall out of bed.”
At that Juno pulls his hand away. “No thank you” He says and begins to stand. “I’ll take my chances”
He is unsteady. I stand with him and reach out to stabilize him. He pushes my hands away. He takes another step back towards his room and he collapses. Fortunately I am able to catch him. I reach out for him and pull him back to his feet. He leans onto my side, one of his arms goes around my shoulders and my hand is at his waist holding him up and pulling him in to lean on me.
Juno
Jet’s arms are around me. His hand is splayed at my waist. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come here. It's not fair to him. It’s not right. My attention is narrowed to the feeling of his fingers pressing into my side. It feels good. It feels so so good. And he’s right, it does help the pain at least a little bit.
I gasp when he pulls me closer to keep me upright. I feel safe wrapped in his arms and the smell of him. Those hands that could rip me in apart are instead gently holding me up.
“Jet. I can’t… it feels…” I don't know how to tell him. How to say please leave me to stumble back to my bed alone. How to tell him that his hands on me are all I can think about that if he’s not going to hold me down and fuck me into the matress then he needs to Let. Go.
“Juno, why did you come here?” He's looking down at me curiously.
I slump further away from him just trying to put some space between us. He lets up enough to allow me to brace myself with my back against the wall but he doesn’t step away. He stays at my side only now his hand is on my stomach.
I let my head fall back against the wall. I stay as still as possible. “I thought you knew what it was and you did. case closed.” I shut my eyes so I don’t have to look at him. It doesn't help. Now there is nothing distracting me from the deep rumble of his voice.
“If you refuse to go to the med bay come into my room I will watch over you”
I chuckle at that. I need more than that. I need his hands all over me in my hair, in my mouth. Fuck.
“Look big guy I appreciate what you're doing here but I can't take this.” I put my hand on his wrist where it rests across my belly.
“Which is exactly why you should not go through this alone” He just doesn’t get it. Fine! Fine, I’ll just have to spell it out for him.
“Jet” I squeeze his wrist tighter. I don’t want him to pull away not really. I'm scared. “I can take pain, I can ride it out, it'll go away eventually… right?”
“Yes,” He says slowly. “eventually”
“I can take it, but I can't take this” I squeeze his wrist.
He pulls his hands away from me and steps back. I feel the loss more than I’d imagined. I wrap my arms around myself and my eyes well up with tears. With his hands gone the pain grows.
“I am sorry” He looks horrified “I did not intend to hurt you”
God damn it I just have to say it. “You didn’t Jet.”
I’m laughing now at the absurdity of this. Of having to confess my half baked attraction to Jet Sikuliaq the man who pulled me out of the desert and into this new life. My dear friend. My dear friend with the deep voice and broad shoulders.
“It just feels so good” I say in a rush “Your hands and your voice it… fuck i’m sorry.” I look away from him. tears are rolling down my face now. “It’s not right I know you aren’t…” Aren’t what? I don't know. I don't really know anything. I sigh. “I can’t stay. I can't let you hold me up or watch over me cause I…” I can't think of a single nice way to put this so I just let it out “I want you to fuck me, Jet. I want you to hold me down and fuck me until I cant remember my own name. When you touch me it's all I can think about. I’m sorry.”
I squeeze my eyes shut waiting for him to walk away. I don’t want to see his face. I don’t want to see the disgust he must feel.
“Juno I…” he trails off.
So it's pity then not disgust.
“Forget it it’s fine” Without looking at him I start my stumbling journey back to my room.
Jet
Juno is attracted to me. I thought he might be. I have seen him look at me before. His eyes tend to linger on my chest and shoulders. He watches my hands much more closely than necessary in the garage. Yes I do not experience attraction but I enjoy being desirable. He seems to think it's unforgivable to want me. It isn’t. I don't mind. This body, these hands have caused so much pain. The thought that they might give someone pleasure that someone finds them beautiful is not redemptive but something close.
“Please wait” I try to sound authoritative. I just want him to stop. I do not know if I can give him everything he wants, but I can at least absolve him of his guilt.
He stops but he does not turn around. “What? you want to look me in the eyes while you reject me?” He snaps
I sigh. He is difficult at times.
“Please let me help you.” He scoffs at that
“I told you..” He starts still not looking at me
“I know. It does not bother me.” I take a step towards him. He tenses so I stop and wait.
“What are you saying?” He finally turns towards me, his watery eye looking up at me. His back is to the wall. One arm is steadying himself against it and the other is clutched tightly across his stomach.
“I would like to provide a sexual experience to help you ride out the effects of the drug.” The look of pain on Juno’s face is difficult to bear. I take another step closer.
“You don’t have to do that big guy, I'm fine,” He grunts “I'll be fine.”
“You will but I believe this arrangement is more mutually beneficial than you realize.” I take another step into his space and I am looming over him now hunched as he is against the wall.
I can hear his breathing pick up. His eyes trail from my face to my chest and back. Yes I do not experience attraction the way Juno does but having an effect like that on someone is intoxicating. I reach out and hold Juno’s face in my hand. My thumb rests against his cheek and the rest of my fingers curl around the side of his neck.
His eye is wide and confused. He opens his mouth. I expect him to say something but he just moans low and satisfied. He lets his eye fall shut.
“Please” He says
I have had sex before. There is a lot I feel I am missing but I have a general idea of what people like. Juno has said enough to give me a starting place. I stroke my thumb back and forth across his cheek then his lips. He is very still as if he isn’t sure what he is allowed to do.
If he doesn’t know I will have to tell him. “Open”
His mouth falls open in an instant. He is so stubborn at times. It feels good that he does as I ask.
I push my thumb into his mouth. He swirls his tongue and moans around it. He pushes his head forward to take more of it in.
“Eager” I observe he makes a high pitched noise at that. I use my grip on his neck to force his head back against the wall.
He is taking quick shallow breaths. His hands have come up to grip my wrist. I move my thumb in and out, in and out, in and then I go back to running it along his cheek. Juno is looking up at me and panting. He looks in awe. I preen under his gaze. I experimentally move my thumb from his face to his neck in such a position so that I could easily choke him if I squeezed. I can feel his heart beat thundering under my hand. His grip on my wrist tightens. I do not know if it is out of pleasure or fear.
“Are you enjoying this”
He swallows. I see and feel it.
“What does it look like big guy” He nearly whispers it
“I do not know. That is why I asked” I begin to move my hand away.
“No” His grip on my wrist does not loosen “Please Jet, yes I am enjoying this.” He pauses “You can squeeze… if you want to I… Just don't stop. Please”
I return my hand to his neck. I squeeze. He moans. I am enraptured by the give of his skin under my hands.
A particularly raucous laugh from the living room reminds me very suddenly that we are completely exposed here. I crowd in closer and lean down to the crook of Juno’s neck. My hair falls against his shoulder. It's intimate the gray of my hair against someone else's clothes.
I speak low against Juno’s ear. “Come into my room. Let me take care of you”
He nods frantically.
I step away from him and he sags as if my hand at his throat was the only thing holding him up. It may have been.
“Can you walk?” I ask
“Yeah” He says “yeah I can walk”
He takes a step towards me and nearly goes down again. I catch him under his arms.
“Juno, I am going to lift you up now. Wrap your legs around my waist if you can.”
“Wait what?” He says and then I am holding him in my arms and his thighs wrap around my waist exactly as I'd asked. I can feel his hard length against my stomach.
I have one arm under him and another at his back keeping him tight to my chest. He leans his head against my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my neck. I carry him to my door and into my room.
It feels good to hold him like this. He is my friend and he is in pain. I have wanted to pull him into a hug from the second I saw him emerge from that smoke.
I move my hand to the back of his neck. He shudders. I bring him to my bed. I climb onto it and lay him down underneath me. When I get a look at his face he has tears in his eye again.
I wipe them from his cheeks. “Is it getting worse?”
“No” he shakes his head slightly “well a little but um… it's just… you're being so nice to me big guy are you sure I’m not dying”
“I am sure” I do not know how to feel about this statement. “I… want to help you, is that ok?”
“Yeah” he says “yeah that's ok”
I shift my knee so that I can reach past Juno’s head to pull a pillow under him but I shift farther than I thought. Suddenly Juno’s hands are digging into my hips. He lets out a bitten off moan and I realize I have wedged my thigh firmly against his hard cock.
“Sorry ‘m sorry” He says breathing heavily. He grinds down against my thigh as if he can't help it.
“It is ok” I place my hands beside his head.
He brings both hands up beside mine. I am not certain but he did say he wanted me to ‘hold him down and fuck him’ so I place my hands on his wrists and press him into the mattress.
He moans loudly when I do and makes little whimpering noises with every breath as he pushes his hips down against my thigh. It is quite a sight to see. This strong capable detective allowing himself to fall apart under me.
I know it is not enough. I shift my grip so I am holding both of his wrists above his head with one hand and with my other I trail my hand from his neck to his chest down to his waist and back up. His hands strain against mine and he pushes his hips down desperately.
“That’s it Juno” I tell him “Just like that”
He turns his face into the sheets “Please I…” he cuts himself off “I’m sorry”
“It’s ok.” I let go of his wrists. His hands twist in the sheets beside his head. I don’t know what he had been about to ask but I know this can only do so much to dull the pain.
I sit up and trail my hands from his chest to his hips. “May I remove your clothing?”
He looks down where my hands sit at his belt. He bites his lip and nods.
It feels good to be this close to another body. It so rarely happens. I undo his belt buckle and unbutton his pants. He lifts his hips shakily and I remove his pants and underwear leaving his cock exposed.
Juno is looking away again. His hands have returned to my hips. It feels like he can't decide if he wants to push me away or pull me closer.
I remove his hands from me and encourage him to sit up with one hand at his waist and another on the back of his neck.
“Sit up for me Juno” I squeeze the back of his neck when he does “Good”
He squeezes his eyes shut and his breath stutters. “Um.. yeah.” He mumbles “What are we doing here big guy?”
I slot myself in behind him so my back is to the wall. I grab him by the hips and pull him closer so his back is against my chest. He gasps at the motion. He is stiff in my arms. I place my head on his shoulder and fold my arms across his waist. I place my hand against his sternum where I know the pain is at its worst.
I feel his chest rising and falling rapidly under my hands but he relaxes into my hold. He turns his face towards mine. He reaches up and buries a hand in my hair. I can feel his desperation in his grip. I don't mind it. I think he likes having something in his hands. I like that he wants to hold onto me.
I bring my own hands down to his thighs. I watch Juno watching my slow progression up to his hips. I think Juno likes my hands. I find him staring at them often whether I’m cooking dinner or handling a blaster. I wonder what he’s thinking now watching my fingers drift so close to his cock. I move past his hips and under his shirt. The hand in my hair tugs. I scrape my teeth against his neck. He gasps.
“Please do not pull” I say into his ear.
He groans. “You… you got it” he sounds breathless.
I move up until my hands are in the position they started at one across his waist the other at his sternum.
“I am going to remove your shirt”
He nods and removes his hand from my hair. He is so obedient. Nothing like the Juno Steel I’d come to know. I admit I let it go to my head. I allow myself to think I am special for being allowed to command him. It feels good.
I remove his shirt and he is laying there against me breathless, desperate, and completely naked. My dresser is against the wall at the foot of my bed. On it is a small mirror. I had forgotten about it until now but I think Juno might enjoy looking at us together.
His head is resting against my chest. He looks peaceful but I can feel the tension in his body. His shallow breathing betrays the pain he is still in.
So far he has seemed to enjoy being manhandled. So I take a small risk. Instead of asking him to look at himself I take his chin in my hand roughly. He inhales and his eye opens wide. I turn his head to face the mirror.
“Can you see yourself Juno?”
He whimpers. His hands find my forearm where I am holding him in place at his waist. His nails dig into my skin through my shirt. I allow it.
“I asked you a question,” I remind him.
I move my hand down to his neck.
“Yes.. yeah I see myself fuck” he says I can feel his voice through my hand at his throat.
I squeeze. He kicks his legs and pushes himself further back towards me.
“Good”
Juno
Jet’s hand is squeezing my throat and I watch myself writhe in his grip. He is completely clothed behind me and I am naked. The pain in my body splitting me open. I realize I am pretty much helpless.
I didn’t think It would be like this. Sure I’d fantasized about Jet even today I wished he’d give me a hand with my um.. problem. My problem that now lay hard and leaking and on display for his eyes. But in my wildest fantasies he jerked me off with a neutral expression just to help a lady out. But this… he was giving me everything I wanted. He even seemed to be enjoying it. Not in a sexual way. I was pressed between his legs and nothing so much as stirred. But he seemed to like that I liked it. Emotion filled my throat. He was taking care of me. He liked taking care of me. Just like he said.
The tears are back. They well up in my eyes and fall down my cheeks.
“Jet please.” I beg “I can't take it” I am in pain yeah but more than that I can’t take the sweetness. He handles me so gently until he doesn’t and even then it's all to make me feel good.
He hums “touch yourself please”
“It’s not enough.” I feel frantic and stupid. It hadn't been enough when I’d woken up an hour ago; the pain had only gotten worse since then. I thought he knew what to do to make the pain stop but jerking off didn’t do it. I didn’t want to ask him for more than he wanted to give. I feel so small and humiliated needing something I'm not going to get. I want to leave. I want to be held. I want to be left to suffer in peace. I want to be fucked. I don't know what to do so I just keep begging “Please, please”
“Trust me, Juno” He says and when I still don't move “Be good”
And fuck I want to be good for him. So I brace for disappointment and I reach a shaking hand to my cock.
It was electric. I moan deeply. I arch my back but Jet kept me still and close he tightens his hand on my neck. I am making these humiliating high pitched whimpers. I hope Jet will be able to take me seriously again after all of this.
“That’s good Juno just like that” I feel his deep voice through my whole body fuck it really does it for me. “How does it feel?”
“Uh uhh” Is all I manage
He releases my neck “Juno” he says in warning. God this guy has my number. He could get me to do anything he wants.
“Good, good, feels so good” For some reason I just keep talking “You feel so good Jet your hands I…” At that his hand slides into my hair and pulls. A startled moan escapes me. “You're so strong fuck. I think about it all the time” Jet raises his eyebrows. He hadn't been expecting that.
“What do you think about?” He asks. He sounds… I can't tell. I don't know how he feels about it.
“I.. nothing” I try to go back to focusing on the slide of my hand on my cock. I look in the mirror but it’s a mistake.
I see myself naked and desperate, jerking off and Jet sat quietly behind me fully clothed, not even a little hard. Gazing down at me curiously. Like I’m a car part in a market stall. The pain in my chest swells.
“I’m sorry” I whispered. I try to turn my head into his chest but he is still holding tightly to my hair.
“You do not need to be sorry.” He says “Tell me what you think about I would like to know”
“Ok” I nod and he releases my hair. I tuck my face into his neck. He places his hand gently on the side of my head not forcing me there just holding me. “I um… I think about this, you holding me.” He hums in approval “I think about you holding me down. Taking whatever you want.” I moved my hand faster “forcing your cock down my throat” My voice sounds breathy even to my own ears and then I hear what I’m saying “Not that you would want anything like that I…”
“Juno” He says, cutting me off. He traces my lips with his fingers..
I keep talking anyway “I’m sorry. I just meant…” Then he is pressing them into my mouth, shutting me up. I take them with a moan. He pushes them in and out slowly, dragging them across my tongue.
“It’s ok, These are fantasies I don’t mind.” Between his fingers in my mouth and his voice in my ears it's hard to think about anything, so I decide to believe him. “It is nice to be wanted” he says quietly like its a secret he’s letting me in on. He pushes his fingers in as far as he can. Saliva flows from the corners of my mouth. I groan around them “Is that all?” He removes his fingers and lets me speak.
“No” I whine. “It's your hands, Jet. They drive me crazy.” I am panting, drool still coats my chin. “I think about them in my hair and in my mouth. I think about your hands on my waist putting me where you want me.” I turn my face further towards him like I can hide from him. I say quietly “In the car I just thought about riding you.” The hand that had been at rest on my side tightens. I don’t know what that means so I just keep going. “I thought of you digging your fingers into my hips and pulling me down, splitting me open on your…” His hand tightens still. I inhale sharply. It hurts where his fingers dig into my skin and I love it. “spli- splitting me open on your cock” My voice is shaky from the pleasure between my legs, the pain in my chest and Jets bruising grip on my side. “When you're working i-in the garage I watch when you're not looking.” He humms and I can hear the smile in his voice “god damn it! What?” I mean to sound annoyed but I just sound breathless and whiny.
“I noticed,” He says, stroking his thumb across my collarbone. “What do you think about then?”
Of course he noticed. How embarrassing.
Then his hand is back in my hair and he pulls.
“What do you think about while I'm working?” His face is placid like he's not lighting up every nerve in my body.
I gasp “I picture you opening me up. You’re so good with your hands”
“You think so?” He sounds thoughtful. He’s moving his thumb up and down on my waist absently.
“Yeah, yeah I do” He pulls my hair back again exposing my throat.
I feel his lips against my neck as he asks “What else?”
“Um…” I hesitate because we are marginally closer to this fantasy than the others.
He lets my head fall back down and rests his hand at the base of my skull.
“I think about your hand around my cock, how it would look.” I try to turn my face away from him but he doesn’t let me. “Your hands are so much bigger than mine” I am speaking so quietly it's almost a whisper. “You’d stroke me off however you felt like and I’d try to fuck your fist but you’d just hold my hips still like it was nothing.” I hold myself more firmly and pretend it's Jet’s hand instead of mine.
He tips my chin up and I go easily. “What else?” he asks.
“Anything.” His lips graze my neck. I’m so close. “I’d let you do anything you want to me” I wish he would
“Good,” he says. I feel his teeth and then he bites down.
The pleasure that had been building and building all this time finally crests. I moan loudly and I'm saying Jet’s name over and over. It's too much. It feels so good but it's so much it hurts. I feel it down through my legs. The pain in my chest peaks and I hear myself begging “Please. Jet, I can't.. Fuck, please. I can’t take it”
He holds me close to him one hand across my chest the other across my waist. I'm writhing in his arms riding out the most intense orgasm of my life.
I finally settle enough to hear him speaking to me as I twitch with the aftershocks.
“Juno, it’s ok I've got you. It’s ok you did so well” His head is buried in my neck and I feel hot tears against my skin.
The pain is not gone but softer. I feel much closer to the sleepy contentment of the car ride than the stabbing pain from just a few moments ago.
My breathing evens out and I thread my hand through Jet’s hair. He looks up from my neck.
“Hey big guy. Don’t you go falling apart on me”
Jet
I think it's the bite that does it. I sink my teeth into his neck and then he’s coming all over his hand and stomach. But instead of pleased and sated he just keeps begging. It feels like it lasts an eternity. Juno in my arms begging for the pleasure to stop. I just hold him tight as he thrashes. I lay my head in the crook of his neck. I don’t think he's hearing anything besides the rush of his own heart. I talk to him anyway.
“You've been so good. It's ok, Juno” And then when it doesn’t seem to stop I can't keep the tears from falling “Juno, please. I’m so sorry. Just hang on, I'm sorry. I've got you Juno, you did so well.”
The movement stops. I just hold him. I let my tears fall against his shoulder. The intensity of the emotion surprises me.
I feel a hand curling into my hair
“Hey Big Guy. Don’t you go falling apart on me” There's a smile in his voice and I am relieved.
“I am glad you are safe” I say into his neck. “How are you feeling?”
“Better” He clears his throat “tired”
When I do not move or respond he says “I’d better get back to my room… i guess”
“I would feel better if you stayed here but I will escort you back to your room if that is what you prefer.” I still have not moved from where I am wrapped around him. I hope he does not mind.
“Are you sure? I…” he pauses “I really am feeling better and that wasn’t exactly part of the deal”
“Was there a deal?” I ask
“Well no but..” I think absently of putting my fingers in his mouth to shut him up. That would come in handy a great many times.
“Stay please”
He puts his hand on mine where it rests on his shoulder. “Ok but we can't stay like this, I'm gross.”
I finally let my hands fall from his body. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and goes to stand. I am skeptical. His legs shake, he stands for a moment and sits back down.
“What do you need? I can help you.” I sit next to him on the bed and hold my hand out.
He takes it and I think back to Juno crumpled in a pile in front of my door holding onto my hand as I tried to send him to a medical bed. I am glad things turned out the way they did.
“I need to go back to my room for pajamas and I need to use the bathroom.” He says sheepishly
“I will walk you to the bathroom.” The bathroom is just across the hall. But Juno’s bedroom was three doors down. “You can wear my clothes to bed.”
“I can grab mine” He says
“If that is what you prefer.” Selfishly I just want him safe and warm in my clothes, in my bed, in my arms. “There is a greater chance of encountering someone walking to your room. I am not sure I’m ready for the questions this event will bring up”
“Me neither” Juno is eyeing him curiously. “If you're sure it's ok.”
“I am sure”
I go to my dresser and pick out a soft t-shirt and pants. He slips on the shirt. It is big on him. He pulls the pants on then stands and supports himself on my shoulders as he pulls them up and tightens the draw string.
He looks… adorable. I can't help but smile.
“Ready?” I ask
“Yeah.”
I stand beside him and hold out my arm. He braces himself. He seems steadier than he had before.
I peek into the hall first. It is empty. I escort Juno the few feet to the bathroom and stand outside to wait for him.
I find I feel less like I am waiting and more like I am standing guard. My relationship with Juno is now… changed. He has survived so much but then he had seemed so vulnerable and fragile. Something in me had loved it. The hardened detective choosing me to undress him.
He had thought of me right from the beginning. He told me he’d thought of me when he was first hit. In such a vulnerable moment he thought of me making him vulnerable in a different way.
He called for me too. I’d heard it as I ran away. I imagined pulling him out of the gas myself. Sure we both would have been dosed but maybe less. Maybe. No If I had we would d both by laying in the Med Bay.
it would have been better if no one got hit. But, I am pleased with how things have gone. I have always cared for Juno. Ever since he looked up at me from the Martian desert with so much anger in his eyes.
He struck me as a wet kitten back then: lost and clawing helplessly at the world. I had wanted to protect him then. But now? Now I have seen him achieve so much. He and Rita had rescued an entire city before joining us. I had seen him in scraps nearly lose his life over and over and always pull out ahead. He is strong. I do not need to protect him. Juno is capable. He is an effective thief and a skilled detective. He is earnest, I realize this is the trait that draws me to him the most. And, holding him in my arms like I did, I got to witness that earnest vulnerable side of him at its most extreme. I realize I loved it.
I think back to him shaking apart as he came in my arms. I think about how his voice sounded as he called my name. I can recognize now that that was the moment that did it. Our friendship is changed. I think of my hands wrapped around Juno’s throat feeling his pulse. He placed his life in my hands in the most literal sense and he had enjoyed it. After everything I have done that trust is a gift and I am beginning to think it will guide my actions for a long time to come.
Perhaps this is why I am glaring daggers at the thief as I watch him walk up to Juno’s door.
He knocks and calls Juno’s name.
Juno and Ransom obviously have more to their history than either of them lets on. From what little I have been able to gather Juno seems to think he has something to apologize for. He seems to think Ransom’s behavior is justified. I find that I do not care. I have seen the pained looks on Juno’s face after Ransom speaks. I did not like it then but I like it even less now with the sound of Juno’s moans still echoing in my head.
He knocks again. I imagine what would have happened if Juno had successfully returned to his room today. Would the door have slid open? Ransom would have found Juno curled in his sheets desperate for someone's touch. Would he have volunteered? Taken advantage of Juno’s state? Used him and discarded him after with a snarky remark and a slammed door.
When he doesn't get a reply he looks around and sees me. He raises an eyebrow probably wondering what I'm doing standing outside of the bathroom.
“Ah Jet!” He says coming closer. “Have you seen Juno anywhere? He is not in his room and Vespa hasn’t seen him.”
It is at that moment that Juno finishes whatever he's been doing. Before he can open the door too far I slam it shut again.
“Hey!” His voice on the other side of the door is unmistakable.
Still I look Ransom in the eye and say “I have not.”
Ransom no longer looks friendly. He looks between me and the door. He takes in my appearance. I see his eyes catch on the crescent shaped marks on my arm where Juno had held onto me.
“I didn't think you went in for that sort of thing, Jet.” As he walks away He calls behind him “Have a good evening detective.”
I begin to feel guilty when the door slides open again and Juno is slumped in the door frame looking up at me.
“Ready?” I ask holding out my hand
His fingers wrap around mine and the guilt dissolves. I see the thief watching us from down the hall. We make eye contact and I place a possessive hand at Juno’s waist.
Juno
I brace myself against Jet as we walk to the bathroom. It is an incriminating scene. Me hobbling out of his room wearing only his clothes. He was right. I do not want to answer any questions. Mostly because I don’t know the answers.
The bathroom door shuts behind me and I have a moment to think for the first time since that stupid gas filled my lungs. I go about cleaning myself up and preparing for bed.
It is harder to beat myself up over it after the ‘sexual experience’ Jet provided. I’m almost glad it happened, believe it or not. I already know I'll be thinking about it for weeks. I reach up and press my fingers into the side of my neck where he bit.
I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn't expecting any of this. The big guy doesn't do sex he doesn't do romance. And sure all he really did was hold me and pull my hair a little but my dick was out! That's sex. It hadn’t affected him like it did me that much was obvious, but it had done something. He had been crying right at the end. He hadn’t wanted to let go. I wish I knew what was going on in his big stoic head. And now he's standing outside the bathroom waiting to take me back to his bed.
I don’t know what I'd say if someone asked me what happened. I know why I did it. He’s hot! And, just my type. I’ve wanted Jets hands on me since he found me in the desert. Since the first time he saved my life.
Back in Hyperion city a lifetime ago on the day of Sasha’s stupid test, Mick made some dumb joke about my taste in men. I’ve always liked things that hurt me. Whether it's a drink, a fight, or a man with a mean streak.
Even Nureyev… that’s different. He would’ve… It doesn't matter now. The night we first met he kissed me and betrayed me in the same breath. Maybe that’s what I liked about him.
But Jet, I don’t know why he did it. He took care of me and didn’t take a damn thing for himself. I think of his arms wrapped around me. I couldn’t even walk, I was completely defenseless. Jet could have done anything he wanted. I haven’t felt safe like that in… maybe ever?
I wrap my arms around myself and feel the soft fabric of Jet’s clothes. I’m glad he asked me to stay. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow night when this bizarre circumstance ends. When Jet will be my good friend who does not want to see my dick and I will go to bed alone to jerk off to the memory of my life in his hands.
As I finish brushing my teeth I hear a distant knocking. It sounds like it's coming from the other end of the hall.
“Juno” I hear Nureyev's voice just barely calling out my name.
I wonder why he’s looking for me. I allow myself to believe he’s worried about me. Any sane person would be. Hit with a mysterious drug and dead to the world is enough to worry anyone. Does Nureyev know what it was? Was he coming to… help me? For some reason the thought makes me nervous. We’d slept together before and it had been nice, really nice. But this?
The thought of being that helpless and needy under Nureyev’s watch filled me with dread. I didn’t really think he’d hurt me but judge me? Maybe. Would he pity the slow detective caught in a Dark Matters snare? Would he be able to look at me the same after? I don’t know. But I know he wouldn’t hold me with tears in his eyes and ask me to stay with him.
I hear him coming closer. Maybe he’s going to walk right by, not question Jet hovering outside.
“Ah Jet!” He says “Have you seen Juno anywhere? He’s not in his room and Vespa hasn’t seen him.”
Fuck here come the questions. I don’t want anyone else to worry so I slide the door open only for Jet to slam it shut in my face.
“Hey!” What the hell?
Then I hear his voice “I have not” there's a challenge in it.
I imagine how Nureyev’s face must change just like it did in Angstrom’s office. The way it does when he realizes the jig is up.
“I didn't think you went in for that sort of thing, Jet.” He says, which is exactly what I've been thinking since this whole thing started. “Have a good evening detective.”
I give him some time to get a little distance then I open the door.
Jet is scowling at Nureyev’s back when I see him. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s not jealousy it can't be. He wasn’t trying to obfuscate what was going on here. Jet had been very obvious about his lie if you can even call it that.
Then he’s holding out his hand to me
“Ready?” he asks
I take his hand and try to focus on making it back to his room. Out of the corner of my eye I see Nureyev watching us. I lean further into Jet and he wraps an arm around my waist. Part of me hopes Nureyev is seething. This could have been us Ransom but you had to go and be a dick about everything.
Jet
“I am sorry I slammed the door like that” I say as I help Juno into bed.
I am worried. He might have preferred to speak to Ransom himself. He might have preferred to tell a more convincing lie.
I collect my own sleep clothes from the dresser. Juno brings his knees up to his chest and watches me.
“It’s ok,” he says. “I'm glad I didn’t have to talk to him. I don’t know what I’d say”
He is studying me, obviously looking for some kind of answer in my face. Though I do not know his question.
I place my sleep clothes at the foot of the bed and strip off my jacket.
“Do you wish to keep this night a secret?” I ask.
Junos eyes follow my hands as I reach for the hem of my shirt.
“I uh think that ship has sailed Big Guy” He says, eyes locked on the widening strip of skin at my waist.
“You are probably right” I say, placing my shirt to the side.
Juno’s eyes are raking over my body now. From my shoulders to my hips and back again. I stay still and let him look. I believe it is something he has wanted for quite some time. I enjoy the look in his eyes like he sees something beautiful. He looks back up to my face trying to read something in my expression. Then he shifts and moves to the end of the bed. He is kneeling on the bed right in front of me now. I reach out and cup his face in my hand just like I had at the start of the evening. His eyes flutter shut and I run my thumb across his cheek.
“Juno,” I start but he cuts me off
“Can I touch you?” He speaks quickly like he had to do it while he had the nerve.
“Hmmm” I think about it. Juno tenses up like he’s afraid of what I am going to say. I think it would feel nice. I think I would like his attention. “You may” I tell him. He looks surprised “Please do not touch my nipples or my dick” I tell him
“Pft” He laughs. “you got it” I am pleased I enjoy his laugh.
He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and goes to stand. I stop him with a hand on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I ask “you are still not well”
“I’m well I only have a little searing pain thank you!” He says “You’re really tall, big guy. I'm eye level with your crotch and you said very clearly that was off limits.”
“I see” I do not want to make Juno exert himself any more than he needs to so I crawl into bed behind him.
His eye follows my every movement as I lie down on my back. I hold my arms out beckoning him.
“Is this better?” I ask.
He clears his throat “uh yeah that’ll- that’ll do” He says.
He crawls over and sits beside me. He places a hand on my abdomen just above my belt. He is touching me so gently. His hand slips to my waist. He is watching his hands on my skin closely. He looks to my face and seems surprised to see me already watching him. He hesitates for a moment and then very slowly braces himself against my shoulder and swings his leg over so he is straddling me. Instinctively my hands come up to his thighs.
I like the feeling of his weight on me. I like feeling the warmth of his body through a layer of my own clothing. From this angle Juno looks powerful and in control. It is very different from the fragile shaking version of him I held in my arms earlier.
He braces one hand beside my head and the other cups my face. I lean into his touch. It feels good. He swipes his thumb under my eye then trails his hand down my neck and onto my chest. He touches me unhurriedly. I haven’t been touched like this in a very, very long time. Vespa may have been the last person to touch my skin. And if Vespa is doing so it is almost certainly because I am bleeding profusely. Nothing like this slow exploration. Juno is touching me because he enjoys it.
He sits back and brings both hands to my chest. He traces the shape of my chest with his fingers and skims his hands down to my waist. I let my eyes fall shut. He continues running his hands across my skin. It feels good. I sigh deeply when he lays his hand at the crook of my neck. His skin is so warm. I feel his fingers tense when I do. And he stops moving.
I look up at him and he looks nervous. I place my hand against his and lean into it.
“You may continue.” I tell him.
I return my hand to his thigh and move my thumb up and down. I hope it will reinforce for him that this is ok.
Then he's laughing these stuttering little sounds like he can’t believe what he's looking at.
“Jet…” He pushes a hand into my hair and runs his fingers gently through it. He watches my long hair flow from his hand.
He does not look at me when he asks “What is this?” He sounds at a loss.
I don’t know how to answer him. I don’t know what kind of answer he is looking for. Its sex, its two friends spending time together, its a mutually beneficial arrangement, Nothing has changed and our friendship will never be the same. So instead I pretend I do not know what he means.
“That is my hair” I say.
He is not deterred.
“I mean this.” He gestures between us. “All of this”
He straightens and lets his hands fall to my waist. I miss the hand in my hair instantly. I still do not know what to say. I care for Juno deeply. Even more so after today. I think back to his shaking form completely exposed in my arms. I like that he bared himself to me and I like that he wants to see me in return. But I do not know how to say this out loud.
“What is it to you?” I ask instead. It’s mean, turning his question back on him, but I need a foot hold. Something to guide me to the right thing to say.
“I…” He starts. His hands are tense at my waist. “I don’t know” He looks away from me like he's gathering his thoughts. I take a moment to take in his appearance. He looks conflicted. His jaw is moving like he's grinding his teeth. He has scars on his face branching out from under his eyepatch and across the bridge of his nose. I trace them with my eyes. They cut across his face and I realize I think they are beautiful. I think he is too.
Without thinking I begin to speak “You are very beautiful, Juno”
He whips his head back towards me. His eye is open wide and he has this look on his face, like shock, like complete disbelief at what he’s hearing.
“I’m…” He starts “I’m…” He pauses. His gaze hardens and he says “It’s this Jet what is this? You’re not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone least of all me but you just…” He sweeps his arm out gesturing to the door. “You.. That thing in the hall with Ransom, and this letting me touch you while you.. you sigh!”
I rub my hands up his back soothingly. I fear it was the wrong thing to do. He pitches forward, his hands are balled into fists as they rest against my chest.
“And the tears, Jet.” He doesn’t look at me “You held me and cried on my shoulder as I…” He sighs “What am I supposed to think about that?”
I continue to rub my hands across his back. It is just as much for me as it is for him. I do not like having these conversations with people. It is so hard to get them to understand.
“I care about you deeply.” I tell him.
“But you don’t feel that way about me. I got it” He begins to climb off of me but I do not let him. “Jet!”
“Juno!” I just need him to hear me. “I do not feel that way yes but that is not everything there is to feel”
“What” He sounds unimpressed like he thinks I am just trying to soften the blow.
“I liked what we did” I tell him “I am honored by the trust you have placed in me” He is still looking at me like he doesn't believe it.
“Ok.” he's nodding. He moves to climb off of me again and I let him.
He lays down beside me. I prop myself up on my side and gaze down at him. His face is turned away from me so I gently run my hand down his cheek. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath in and out.
“I will be back” I say. He nods.
I take my pajamas and go into the bathroom to get ready for bed. I do not mind changing in front of Juno but the mood has shifted. I am not sure it would be so welcome now.
Juno
The sound of the door sliding shut is so loud in the quiet room. I take my eye patch off and place it on Jet’s bedside table. I press the heels of my hands into my eyes and try not to cry.
You are beautiful, Juno. The big guys words echo in my head. It was exactly what I wished he would say and he did. I just wish I knew why he’d said it. Why give me everything if he’s just going to end it all with some platitude about trust.
I feel so stupid. This had been a transcendent experience. I’ve never felt anything like it. I feel like I have bared my body and soul to him and he… he’s happy I trust him? Of course I trust him. That's Buddy’s whole thing! I thought this meant more than that, more than just another job we complete together. It felt special. I felt special. Everyone on the crew trusts him. I thought this was different. I realize he would have done this for anyone and I begin to cry.
I lay like that for a while. Letting myself spiral down the drain of humiliation and self hatred. Then I hear the door open. Jet turns the lights off as he enters. The bed dips and he lays down beside me. I try my best not to look quite so pathetic.
Jet breaks the silence “Would you prefer to return to your room” He asks
I shift to lay on my side facing him. He looks anxious. I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. It isnt his fault. There's a reason I tried not to think about him like this and I am running full tilt into the consequences of forgetting that.
I exhale “No”
He nods then slowly moves his hand so it lays palm up between us. It is an invitation, one I can take or leave. To take it would be to dig myself deeper but I don’t care. I place my hand in his. His fingers close around mine.
“Thank you,” I tell him. I feel stupid and a little guilty but I am grateful he did this for me. Even if he was only tolerating it it made the pain stop… mostly.
“I am glad I could help” He says it quietly.
In the dark like this it feels like the whole world narrows to the space between us. I look into his eyes and see his gaze dancing around my face from my eyes to my scars to my jaw and back. I don’t know what it means. I squeeze my eyes shut so I don’t have to think about it.
The last thing I hear before I fall asleep is Jet’s deep voice as he says “Goodnight, Juno”
Jet
I watch Juno as he sleeps. His eye moves back and forth and he squeezes my hand as he dreams. I feel uniquely privileged to be allowed to see this. His eye patch is on my bedside table. With it off I can see his scars more clearly. I imagine the pain he must have been in. I wish all pains were as easy to wipe away as this one had been. I drift off to the sound of his breathing in the dark.
When I wake he is gone. There is a note where his eyepatch had been.
Thanks for taking care of me -Juno