Chapter Text
VARKA:
The inevitability of this outcome had been brewing for weeks. Warning after warning, even a few harsh threats, and nothing seemed to be getting through. He had to put his foot down. He had no choice.
At least, that’s what Varka told himself as he sat at his desk, staring at Lohen’s rising anger. At the harrowing scowl that consumed his face, worse than the last time Varka had threatened his position.
It was long passed his final warning, which meant Varka had to make the call. Even though he desperately didn’t want to.
“I know you heard me,” he said, keeping his voice tight and stern. He couldn’t waver now. He had no choice anymore. Those above him weren’t giving Lohen any more chances. “As of this moment,” Varka continued, “you are stripped of your rank as Vice-Captain of the Fifth Company.”
Something deep within Lohen’s fiery red eyes broke, and a sparkle of wetness emerged before he blinked it away. “You said you’d talk to them,” he said, his words icy with anger but choked in his throat. “You told me it would be okay.”
Varka cleared his throat and nodded. “I did what I could, but the majority agreed you were unfit for your position.”
Lohen’s jaw clenched, and the stiff, crossed arms loosened into balled fists at his sides. “What am I supposed to do now?”
“You’re still a knight,” Varka said, trying to sound encouraging, but he knew it was no use. “You’re still important. You’re still part of this expedition.”
Lohen shook his head, and an exasperated scoff came out. “Not anymore. I’m alone in this now. I’m…I’m alone.” He twisted around and walked off, but not before softly adding, “Goodbye, Varka.” He didn’t say another word as he left.
“Damn it,” Varka grumbled.
Lohen had been impossible to work with as of late. Weeks after his recovery from fighting and losing against Rerir, he had forced his way back into fighting, nearly causing several lost lives due to his recklessness. He hadn’t stopped, either. Every trek, every patrol, every night of duty, he had insisted on being the one who would be on watch, to be the one to lead the fight, to charge in first. He was on edge with every person who looked his way, lashing out to defend himself. His company saw the worst of it, going through grueling training sessions even worse than what he normally put them through.
Lohen tended to listen to Varka when it was just the two of them, but when he was around the other knights, or worse, in a meeting with other captains and vice-captains, he insisted on his own battle-hungry choices. Varka’s warnings never seemed to stick.
Varka knew these were all legitimate reasons to consider Lohen a risk. But stripping him of his duties as a vice-captain? The kid had worked his ass off and proven himself for years. The joy of battle and lack of hesitance regarding training and spars shouldn’t have resulted in such a harsh punishment.
And Varka had fought it. Argued. He had stood his ground, but it had all gotten too much after Lohen’s most recent race into battle against the Wild Hunt had resulted in several rifts opening. Varka personally believed it wasn’t solely Lohen’s fault. But the captain of the Tenth had called an immediate retreat at the sign of a second rift opening, but Lohen had stayed, pursuing the new enemies, and the continued manpower in the area had resulted in more Wild Hunt and more rifts. Not really Lohen’s fault, but the captain still blamed him.
Majority was majority. Varka had been the sole person to speak up for Lohen, and it meant nothing.
Varka laid his forehead against his desk and groaned. What a terrible day.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Grand Master!”
Varka recognized Winfried’s voice as they came into his tent.
“We have a problem!” Winfried continued. “Um, the Vice-Captain just left the camp. Laurent tried to stop him, and Sir Lohen punched him. Possibly a broken nose, sir.”
Varka let out another groan. “Had a feeling that would happen.” He stood. “I’ll make an announcement in a minute.”
Winfried gave him an odd look, but he nodded and left.
“Damn it,” Varka muttered. He shrugged on his coat, sipping some of his wine before forcing a stiff, cleared throat. Once out of his tent, he took in a sharp breath and shouted, “An announcement to those in Favonius Keep!”
Heads turned, and several scurried over. Varka kept his voice harsh and firm, but he felt his chest grow heavy with the painful weight of his next words:
“Sir Lohen is no longer Vice-Captain of the Fifth Company, and he is currently a possible threat to any who approach him. Please use caution if you see him, and inform me of his whereabouts immediately if you do see him.” His breath had grown ragged, and he quickly collected himself. “A warning will be posted by the morning. He is a threat to himself and all those around him.” Varka swallowed before adding, “Please use caution. He has officially gone awol, and he may not return.”
It hurt to see the realization hit some.
And it hurt even more to see relief and even amusement in many others.
__________
LOHEN:
North. North north north. He knew that direction led to monsters and fighting and hunting. No leaders and people and stupid pretentious assholes that would tell him what he did was wrong.
Who the hell were they to judge his actions? He fought with the knights, he battled with every ounce of strength, he desired to be stronger and faster. Why did that mean he was punished? Why would they…
Lohen slowed, finally out of sight of the Keep, his breath still ragged from holding back his stupid weak emotions.
'Weak.'
He didn’t need them. He didn’t their orders and wrong directions. He only needed to find the Wild Hunt and slaughter every monster he saw. Easy. He’d prove he was a huge asset that they had foolishly decided to throw away.
The purple flames of restless human Exiles walked blindly up ahead, and a grotesque Hunter was with them. Perfect. Too easy. He was the extinguisher to their monstrous flames.
Lohen struck them down too easily, and he groaned when the Hunter fell with a final growl. Not enough. It wasn’t enough. He had to fight every moment, destroy every enemy, prove he was stronger than…
'Powerless.'
Lohen screamed out a cry, nearly collapsing to his knees, but he caught himself. That would be defeat. That would be him letting the superiors win. His old superiors. He didn’t have them now. He didn’t need them. All he needed was his dagger and polearm and his strength. Nothing would drag him down.
The satchel thrown over his shoulder thumped against his thigh as he ran, and he grumbled of his own stupidity under his breath. Using their supplies was beneath him, but it would be useful. A simple tent, bandages, and rations would help, he had to admit. Although it was frustrating to admit. If only he didn’t need this human baggage to keep him alive. He could take care of himself just fine. Alone.
'Mortal.'
__________________
ILLUGA:
It wasn’t uncommon to see the Favonius knights strolling through Cliffside Camp. Old Man Nikita had made sure their Grand Master was welcomed on any occasion, since the knights had been so helpful calming the uproar of Wild Hunt anomalies recently.
An unintentional shiver raced up Illuga’s spine. In just the past few weeks, it had doubled. Possibly even tripled. Sightings of rifts—multiple ones, in fact—would appear during a patrol, and the added support gave the Lightkeepers double the manpower to take down the enemy.
But the Grand Master didn’t have his hearty laughter this time. The man was large and loud and full of energy that radiated his strength and charisma. Illuga couldn’t help but feel drawn to the positive character of such a person.
His steps tonight were hesitant. His smile was gone. There was a heaviness in the knights’ footsteps that brought bad news.
Illuga peeked over as Varka followed Nikita into his tent, while the other knights stopped to quietly chat with the Lightkeepers nearby. Since Anleifr and Egle were among them, Illuga felt inclined to move a little closer to eavesdrop. Subtly.
“He’s gone manic, I tell you,” said one of the knights.
Another chuckled. “He’s always been like that. It was only a matter of time before the higher ups knocked him down.”
“But taking his rank?” whispered another.
Anleifr finally cut in casually, “Who? What’s this about?”
“Vice-Captain,” said the first. “He’s gone awol. They stripped his title, and he went ballistic.”
The one who had laughed before said, “He’s been ballistic for weeks. It’s why they sent him packing.”
Illuga noticed the old man stepping out of his tent, and Varka was behind him, his eyes averted.
“An announcement.” Nikita was frowning, but his tone meant he was serious. “The now-ex Vice-Captain of the Fifth Company knights is out hunting alone, and he should be avoided. Any who spot him must immediately report his whereabouts to myself or the Grand Master.”
Egle raised an arm. “Apologies, sir, but why avoid someone who is hunting alone? Shouldn’t he be given a squad to keep an eye on him? It’s not safe out there.”
Some of the knights scoffed or made odd noises under their breath, but Illuga noticed Nikita’s sad smile and Varka’s surprised stare.
“I understand the concern,” Nikita said, “but in this particular case, the man is dangerous. Best to avoid if all possible.”
Illuga saw Varka’s change in expression—the instant his eyes read his true feelings. It was exactly why he had already looked so down. The pinched brows, the softness of his eyes, the tremble of his chin. He was disheartened by whatever had happened with this Vice-Captain, which meant he was probably a good friend of his.
“Don’t know why we had to make this trip,” grumbled one of the knights. “We could’ve sent a message or a letter instead.”
“Because,” stated Varka, the fire in his tone making his voice shake, “Lohen is an important member of the knights, and this situation should be resolved quickly and without issue.”
The knight didn’t argue, but from the look on his face, he didn’t seem intent on hiding his annoyance. In fact, most of the others had similar expressions.
And throughout all of this, although inclined, Illuga remained quiet.
*
Days passed. The Wild Hunt occurrences were still on the rise, even with their consistent influx of manpower. It was a constant battle for Illuga to keep himself vigilant and not exhausted out of his mind. Sleep came, but it wasn’t deep enough to take away the ache and never-ending tired feeling that plagued his body and mind. Even with his evening patrol only every other night, it felt as though he was running nonstop.
Four Lightkeepers and two knights accompanied Illuga’s patrol tonight, and they were already three surprise rifts in with no end in sight. It was going to be a long night.
“Been hearing stories of back home, huh?” one of the knights said to the other.
“Ongoing. I miss it,” said the other.
Illuga listened in, curious. He had heard stories about the City of Freedom, but knowing these guys came from the fairy tale-sounding land of Mondstadt seemed so outrageously incomprehensible.
“That apple cider is to die for,” whined the first. “I’d give an arm to have a proper tankard tonight.”
The second one chuckled. “You would settle for that when dandelion wine is what heaven is made from? I heard the Grand Master reordered several barrels. Maybe it’ll arrive soon.”
“One can only wish.”
Illuga was so lost in their conversation that it took more than one flicker of something light blue to catch his eye. And by that time, its growing brightness covered much of the valley that lay below the small hill they had trekked over. The moonlit night gave light to see, but not enough to see perfectly.
Now that he had stopped, he noticed the glowing purple of Wild Hunt monsters surrounding the light blue. The blue grew thicker, creating shards of ice that sliced into the monsters, but it didn’t seem enough to keep them back. It was a man, but the distance made it hard to detect more details.
“Up ahead, we’ve got—”
“No,” interrupted one of the knights, making Illuga’s mouth falter with how vicious that one word was. “It’s him,” the knight continued, his eyes on the man surrounded by the Wild Hunt.
Illuga shook away his surprise, long enough to ask, “What does that mean?”
“The awol captain,” said the second knight. “That’s him down there.”
Illuga looked closer, noticing the man fighting with two weapons and more bursts of ice. The Wild Hunt was going down reasonably quick, but another rift opened just as a final Hunter walked out of the first.
“He’s alone,” Illuga said.
“But the Grand Master said—”
“You think I’ll let a man die because he could be dangerous?” Illuga scoffed, catching both knights by surprise and leaving them speechless. “The two of you return to camp and inform the old man and the Grand Master.”
His fellow Lightkeepers stood steadfast, although clear worry was plastered on their faces, their eyes flickering to the knights as if they were tempted to leave with them.
Illuga huffed out a sigh. “I will go alone if I must. I’m not leaving a man to die.”
Anleifr stood up straighter, shaking off any worries or questions he might've wanted to bring up. The others performed similar, showing their bravery he’d seen out of them in the past. A small hint of smile touched his lips, and he nodded.
The two knights scurried off, and Illuga led the remaining four of his squad down the hill. Their steps were light and quick, but their presence wasn’t silent enough to be a surprise attack. Growls of the Wild Hunt switched to them, and the battlefield grew into controlled chaos. As controlled as it could be with the new rift open.
Illuga tore down Exiles, stabbing his polearm through their bodies with swift precision, all while keeping an eye on the man who fought alongside them. He didn’t look over, and it honestly seemed like he hadn’t even noticed they were there. His grunts and cries were full of emotion and anger, all directed at the Wild Hunt.
When the final monster released a dying shriek, Illuga let out a relieved sigh.
It wasn’t until the sparkle of blue cut across his vision that he realized the man had turned on him, the sharp tip of a polearm laced with ice pointing at Illuga.
Varka and Nikita had explicitly stated not to interact. That this man was dangerous. And the others had called him ballistic and manic.
But in that sharp gaze of fiery red, Illuga only saw pain and grief.
“I don’t need anyone.” The man finally spoke, and his voice was rough and strained. “Tell Varka I’m just fine on my own.”
Illuga moved his head away from the glow of the polearm, searching the man’s clothing and limbs. “Are you hurt?”
The hint of surprise was quickly hidden by the man’s suspicion and anger. “I’m alone now. I’m on my own, and I don’t need help.”
Illuga still searched, his gaze noting several tears in the man’s clothing stained red.
The polearm connected with Illuga’s chin, the sharp point holding him still. Shuffling between his squad members made the man’s eyes narrow at them, but Illuga held out an arm to them. He kept his gaze on this man, only slightly taller than him, his eyes nearly glowing a burning blood red. Now that he was closer, he noticed an extra color in them that echoed the same shade of his mint green-tinted hair. He looked hardly old enough to be a Vice-Captain, but considering Illuga’s rank, he didn’t have room to speak.
The polearm dropped, and the man grumbled, “Leave me alone.”
And then he left. His run was slow, almost shaky, like his body couldn’t keep up with how hard he pushed it. Had he been alone for a long time? Did he have food and water?
“You knew he was dangerous,” hissed Anleifr. “Why did you just stand there?”
Illuga watched the man disappear into the darkness, unable to look away. And instead of answering, he kept quiet, his gaze lingering on where the man had run off.
*
Conversation over their late morning meal revolved around whispers and rumors of what had happened the night before, resulting in Varka’s return to hold a meeting. Illuga had informed Nikita of the details after they returned from patrol, but now, hours later, he stood at Nikita’s desk, arms linked behind his back.
“You let your guard down,” the old man said, his voice sounding like he did when Illuga was younger, when he had made a small mistake and needed a reminder.
“I didn’t,” Illuga said. “I let it happen.”
Nikita searched his face, squinting. The wrinkled eyes held his, like he was trying to decided on what was the truth. “You were distinctly told not to interact because he is a danger.”
“Respectfully, sir, I disagree.”
While Nikita’s hard gaze remained searching, Varka had grown wide, shocked eyes that rested too long on him without a response.
Illuga remembered Varka’s previous expression when making his announcement. Curiously, he asked him, “Am I wrong to disagree, Grand Master?”
Varka’s surprise softened, and he cocked his head, a hint of a smirk displaying on his lips. “You are an odd one.”
Illuga had the urge to chuckle. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
Varka winced, throwing a glance at the old man before saying, “I know. And I am bound by my position to say, yes, you are wrong to disagree. As the Grand Master, Lohen was removed of his rank due to his actions.” His eyes wandered to something in the distance, and he sighed. “But speaking as Varka, you are undeniably correct. Lohen is a brilliant fighter, a tactical mind, and a good man. But as a Vice-Captain, he was way too ostentatious to be placed in a general category.” As his eyes softened more, his mouth dropped into a frown. “He’s unorthodox, a little crazy, he’s a thrill seeker, and he’s way too talented to be taking orders from some cranky higher ups. Maybe that’s why they took his rank.”
Nikita cleared his throat, his tone hesitant and low. “Was he not being eccentric and causing havoc?”
“Lohen has his own way of training and fighting, and he pushes people to their limits.” Varka chuckled to himself. “He’s a bastard for the schemes he might pull, but he’s a damn good knight that couldn’t stay in line the way they wanted. They forced me to strip his rank.”
“He’s a dear friend of yours,” Illuga observed, his comment so quiet he was sure they hadn’t heard.
But Varka glanced at him and nodded. His sadness returned, and he said, “He’s not a danger to the knights or the Lightkeepers. But in his state of mind, he’s absolutely a danger to himself.”
Illuga stared at him, curious if that look in Varka’s eyes meant the same Illuga had been wondering. “How long has he been on his own? Does he have food and water?”
Varka’s lips pressed hard, and he took a few extra seconds to answer. “Four days. A knight said he saw Lohen grab a satchel with rations, but those rarely have more than three meals. And Lohen, he’s…” He groaned under his breath. “Lohen is known for skipping when it comes to patrol rations. He hates them.”
“So, he’s…” Illuga thought back on how tired and shaky Lohen had appeared. “He’s starving. No water canteen. And the blood I saw…” His voice had lowered to a whisper. “He could be injured, too.”
“He’s resilient,” Varka said, brushing away Illuga’s worries. “He’s gotten worse injuries than a few scrapes, and he’s gone a couple nights without eating in the past.” His upbeat response didn’t reflect in the dismal sound coming from it. “That boy is a strong, hard-headed little rascal. A couple more days out there alone? He’ll be fine.”
Varka seemed to be lying now to keep himself content. Illuga nodded as encouragement, but the unsettling truth lay in the air, coating it as the silence dragged a few seconds too long.
_________________
LOHEN:
Lohen leaned his head back against the hard surface of the tree, tapping it repeatedly. Each tap was a small thunder of movement, a small motion of jostling that kept him from slipping into sleep. He couldn’t rest. Not when the rift had opened just down at the foot of the trees.
His fingers gripped his dagger, caressing the sharp blade against the side of his forearm, his bare skin. A small nick, a quick slit, a subtle tear, all spilling blood and sending small shooting pains up his arm. Only a few dozen. Only a few small cuts to keep him awake and aware.
His empty gut clenched, and he stifled a groan. It was empty, too empty, and he cursed himself for grabbing the wrong satchel on his way out of the camp. He hated those nasty rations, but at least it would have given him the energy to fight again. But the stupid bag he’d grabbed hadn’t been restocked—probably recently used on a patrol—so the lack of bandages, a canteen, and rations made the feeling of the satchel simply empty, dead weight on his weakened body—
No, not weak. He wasn’t weak. Food was a human need, and water he had been able to sip on from streams. He had no need for food.
Another cut, another sting, another sharp breath of air. Clear, crisp air from the surrounding woodlands. It wasn’t a large area, but it was enough to grant him some tranquility, as well as hide his location from nearby monsters. He simply needed a small boost of energy. He’d wipe out the monsters. Easy.
Lohen shakily pulled his sleeve down, then slipped his dagger away. Getting to his feet, although not as easy as it should’ve been, wasn’t impossible. And now that he was standing, he summoned his polearm. He could fight just fine.
Lohen stayed low as he charged in, counting four Exiles and one Hunter from the rift. If he was quick enough, he could kill them all before another rift opened.
His eyes focused steadily on the first Exile, tearing it down with a quick jump and plunge into its back. He moved steadily, his feet not betraying his will to keep going. The slight blur that came in the corners of his vision was annoying, but he still cut down the other three within a few more seconds.
The Hunter roared, its axe raising high in its rage. Lohen dodged right, rolling and hopping to his feet. But the dizziness of the roll made his feet falter, and he hurried backward instead of finding an opening to attack.
A sharp sting sliced part of his shoulder, not enough to completely hinder his left arm, but enough to give him that slight reminder of being awake, alive. He grinned, maniacally letting out a laugh as he found the spark of energy to round the beast and stab into his backside, then dash forward as it turned to strike. His polearm met the meat of the Hunter’s neck, piercing deep, and he ripped it out before slicing it across its chest. It stumbled, and Lohen delivered a final stab, this one plunging through his middle.
Lohen stumbled back as the Hunter slowly vanished after a last cry, and he laughed through his uncontrollably heavy breathing. He wasn’t weak. Those monsters didn’t stand a chance against him.
After a quick glance around and some heavy forced blinks, he chose a direction and walked. The slight sting on his shoulder kept him moving, kept him driven. These beasts were no match. He’d tear apart another horde with no problem.
Lohen walked longer than he wanted to before finally finding another glowing rift. But the multiple Wild Hunt monsters weren’t simply standing around. There were others fighting, the Lightkeepers he recognized from their nearby camp.
He groaned. Easier to avoid them than join. Maybe there was another rift close by. It was starting to get exhausting with the continuous walking and searching, but he wasn’t ready to rest, either. Rest meant weakness.
Lohen stayed still, watching, biting at his lower lip to draw blood as he watched the group fight. Four of them against six Wild Hunt, which wasn’t too hard. But there was a weak one in the back that looked injured. Another seemed to be distracted by their friend. That meant two out of four were going to bring them all down.
Lohen growled under his breath, annoyed. They were stupid. The two fighting probably had no idea their friends were going to cause their downfall.
He forced himself forward, keeping low like he had before. His polearm was tight in his grip, and he grimaced at the slight shake in his hands. Another cut would help. His parched throat probably needed a small swallow of water after this if he could find a stream.
Lohen quickened his step when he noticed the two Exiles approaching the weak Lightkeeper, and the distracted friend yelled something. Both had dropped their guard.
A quick dart forward and a slash up made the first Exile scream, and Lohen finished it with a stab to its chest. The second Exile was nearly on top of the distracted man, and Lohen threw himself in the way, shoving the monster back with a sharp thrust of his polearm. He slashed at it, but it temporarily disappeared, reappearing with its purple flames off to his right, before running at the injured man.
Lohen twisted, dashing forward to tear it down, narrowly preventing its lethal attack.
He turned, eyeing the remaining, and he settled for one of the Hunters fighting against the other two. It seemed extra furious and chaotic with its movements, and Lohen had to bring out his dagger to get close. He was fast enough to dodge its axe, and he rounded the beast and aimed for its backside. Multiple quick stabs made the monster growl, but it didn’t twist to retaliate. Its focus was still on the two fighting it, keeping its attention.
Lohen smirked, oddly missing that feeling of having backup, having someone to fight with.
He lost the smile, shaking away images of Varka and those in his company, of the ones he could no longer run back to.
Lohen put his concentration on making more strikes, bringing his polearm out again to stab deeper and force the Hunter to weaken. More stabs from every angle, and it finally went down.
Lohen made a quick glance around, noting the rift’s closure and the lack of monsters, and he relaxed. He ignored the spots of darkness that filled his vision, the pulsing pain in his injured shoulder, and the creeping exhaustion that plagued his eyes and mind, choosing a direction and walking away.
“Hey!”
He stopped, not turning around to face them.
“Thanks for the help,” the woman said. She’d been one of the strongest of the four. “You’re a Favonius knight, aren’t you? Are you heading back?”
He heard another one whisper, “Isn’t that the awol captain?”
Lohen didn’t look at them. “Make sure those two don’t get distracted again,” he said. “They could’ve cost you all your lives.”
And then he left. Forcing a run, he made himself leave, hopefully heading toward water. He didn’t hear any of them call out to him. They were smart in that regard at least.
His run didn’t last long. Breathing hurt, even with the fresh scratches and newest injuries to keep him aware. His entire torso felt tight and stiff with the emptiness that plagued his gut, and nausea filled that barren space. Damn it, he needed water soon. Just a little. Just enough to keep going.
It was nearing dawn, and the hint of sunlight spread across the land, giving him more light than the moon to see. He stopped, listening, waiting for any hint of the sound of water.
But instead of water, his ears felt warm, his hearing muffled, and a heavy wave of exhaustion took over his squinted gaze. Damn it, it was getting worse. He found a tree nearby and rested a hand against the bark to lean on, but one foot tripped on a small root, and he dropped heavily to one knee. Damn it.
Lohen’s sight blurred as he fell to his other knee, and he put his weight on his arms, forcing himself to stay on all fours. Why was he so weak? Why couldn’t he just keep walking? His stupid, weak body couldn’t simply fight and get stronger. He was just proving how powerless his mortal body was.
Lohen curled on himself and collapsed, grunting at the impact of the hard ground. He shakily dragged out his dagger, using it to stab at his exposed hand, drawing blood. The sharp sting wasn’t enough. It wasn’t forcing his eyes open this time.
“Damn it all,” he mumbled through his hoarse throat.
A simple, pathetic thought just before he passed out.
________________
ILLUGA:
He hadn’t been on patrol that night, but his body still had the urge to move.
Illuga forced himself to sleep, to give himself plenty of rest before the next day. He awoke early, carrying himself to the mess tent for food.
He noticed a few knights gathered at one table, but he chose to sit with Anleifr and Egle instead, who looked like they hadn’t been awake very long.
“Supposed to be a little chilly tonight,” Egle said. “Wear something warm this time, please.”
Anleifr snorted. “I’ll be fine.”
Illuga was ready to make a comment when he noticed the alerted attention from a few of the knights nearby, followed by an influx of footsteps that came into the tent.
“Um, Grand Master?” This was Gabieta, who looked exhausted. She had been on patrol, Illuga remembered. “Is the Grand Master around?”
“His tent is on the end,” said one of the knights.
She nodded heartily, and she left with the others.
Illuga left his food and followed after, his curiosity getting the better of him. If they had been on patrol and were just getting back, maybe they had some news. He stopped just outside the Grand Master’s tent, listening in.
“What is it?” grunted a tired-sounding Varka.
“Um, we were told to let you know if we saw the old Vice-Captain,” Gabieta said. “He was out there. He helped us fight an open rift.”
The sound of something scraping came, followed by another grunt which might have been Varka standing. “Where?”
“Um, just north. Close to Kipumaki Cliff.” She seemed to be hesitating now. “He ran off. After he saved us.”
“Saved you?”
“Yes, sir.”
Varka muttered something incoherent before answering, “Go on and get some rest. I’ll be heading out soon.”
“Really?”
Instead of explaining, Varka said, “What was Lohen’s state of mind? I need details on his status before I decide when to move out.”
“Coherent,” Gabieta answered. “He mentioned two on my squad being distracted, and then he ran off. Tried to, I guess. He was bloody on his arm and shoulder, and he didn’t run all that fast.”
Varka sighed. “I’ll head out now.” He loudly cleared his throat. “Captain, I’m assuming you’ll inform Nikita of my plan?”
Illuga stiffened, hesitantly peeking in with a wincing smile. “I wasn’t trying to snoop.”
“You’ll inform your father?”
Illuga stepped into the tent, saluting. “I’d like to accompany you. If that’s okay, sir.”
Gabieta’s surprise came through with a surprised stare, while the others seemed wary.
“I have patrol tonight anyway,” Illuga said. “I don’t mind going out early, then returning for patrol at dusk.”
Varka nodded. “Okay. The rest of you, inform Nikita.”
“Yes, sir!” the others said.
Illuga led the way out of the tent, heading past the other tents without looking back. The Grand Master could catch up. Now that he had been granted permission, he was ready to begin the search. After seeing the man up close and witnessing that exhaustion and intensity in his eyes, Illuga planned to find him. If he was still fighting and possibly bleeding even more, he really was a danger to himself.
Illuga heard bounding footsteps, followed by a chuckle. “You weren’t going to wait for me?”
“I knew you’d catch up.” Illuga quickened his pace once Varka was walking steadily beside him. The man towered over him. “If they ran into him recently, he might be close by.”
“Agreed.”
Their conversation diminished, and after leaving the camp, Varka broke into a steady jog. Illuga kept up, but he had the urge to chuckle at the fact he felt like a child trying to keep up.
“You know the area better,” Varka said. “Any idea which way he would head if he wanted to stay out of sight?”
“West,” Illuga answered. “North leads to higher mountains, while west leads to more trees and water.”
“Water. Would make sense for him. The kid likes to take advantage of it considering his vision.”
Illuga remembered the icy blue he had seen and said, “Cryo, right?”
Varka’s laugh felt strangely content even with the not-so-happy circumstances. “Exactly. He’s incredible with that vision of his. Makes me look pathetic sometimes.”
Illuga scoffed. “I doubt that. I’ve heard how strong you are, sir.”
“Eh, you flatter. No need for that.”
Silence again, but this was because of their quickened stride. Illuga ran with him, happy that it was chilly outside since he was wearing his coat. Any warmer, and he’d break into a sweat.
Now that they had left the creepier area darkened by the unsettling remnants of the abyssal eye, there were a few patches of trees that led down to the shore. With the rising sun, Illuga noticed something up ahead. It held a stark contrast of blue against the soft green grass.
Varka sprinted ahead, leaving Illuga behind, and he dropped next to the now obvious body that lay limp below the tree.
Illuga knelt across from Varka, who had scooped an unconscious Lohen into his arms. The blood was the first thing Illuga noticed, thick lines down his arm, staining his sleeve, along with more on his hand.
And too late, Illuga realized the other hand loosely held a dagger. Varka’s arms had wrapped tightly around him, unable to defend himself, so when the dagger suddenly moved, Illuga instantly grabbed it, snatching it by the blade before it could cut Varka’s face.
Bloodshot eyes narrowed at Illuga, but Lohen's exhausted face was clearly barely on the edge of passing out again. Illuga held his stare as the anger faded, carefully tugging the dagger from his hand. Lohen’s stare lingered, drooping, before his eyes fell closed again and his arm went limp.
“Thanks,” Varka said.
Illuga set the dagger down, nodding, relieved he was wearing thick gloves that prevented a cut. But his gaze stayed on Lohen, whose face looked terrifyingly pale and sunken.
Varka propped him up against his chest, fumbling through the satchel around his shoulder. Illuga took Lohen’s arm, the one soaked in blood, and carefully rolled up his sleeve.
“What the hell?” he whispered.
Dozens of small cuts lined his arm, from the crook of his elbow down to his wrist, and even his palm had a grisly stab that leaked blood.
“Keep it between us, alright?” Varka said quietly. “He has an odd thing about pain. He’ll cut himself before and after battle. He told me it keeps him aware.”
“That’s…so dangerous.”
Varka scoffed. “I did say he was a danger to himself.” Any hint of a smile faded. “I swear people think I’m his father with how often I scold him.” He let out a sigh. “It’s been days.”
Illuga waited, unsure of what that meant.
He offered the opening of the satchel for him to see. “This one didn’t have rations, it seems. No water canteen, either. Looks practically bare, so he must’ve grabbed a used bag.”
Illuga’s breath caught. “He’s had no rations? No water? For four—five—days?”
Varka squeezed Lohen closer, almost in a hug, and he grunted to his feet. “He’ll probably attack me when he wakes up, but we have no choice. He needs food and water, so we have to bring him back to the Keep.”
“You think he’ll eat anything when he’s been avoiding you and the knights?”
Varka winced, and his eyes trailed over Lohen. “Any suggestions?”
“A small camp,” Illuga said. “We’ll set up his tent. He can wake up alone, or with just the two of us. He might not run off if he’s not forced back there.”
Varka cocked his head, his eyes squinting like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “Smart. Very smart, honestly. I’m embarrassed I didn’t think of it.”
Illuga chuckled. It was odd for someone with such status to say something like it. He really did give the impression of a protective father, similar to Nikita. “Let me stay here,” Illuga offered. “I’ll set up the tent, and you can bring supplies.” He bumped his head up at him. “You’re faster.”
Varka didn’t seem all that eager to put Lohen down, but he nodded after a few thoughtful seconds and gently set him down to rest. “I’ll return. Don’t let him run off.”
Illuga crawled closer, positioning himself to rest against the tree next to Lohen. After Varka took off, Illuga lazily watched him run. He really did give off the same feeling as the old man, which made sense now that he’d seen Varka’s emotions regarding Lohen. He was protective, even if he was only his superior.
Illuga placed the dagger on his other side, far from Lohen, just in case. But with how sallow his skin was and how shaky his breathing, it was a wonder he had even awoken in the first place. If he hadn’t eaten at all and had no canteen, had he had any water? He was likely extremely dehydrated.
Illuga pulled out his own canteen as he headed to the shore, tossing a quick glance around to avoid enemies. No slimes or hilichurls in sight, and he peacefully was able to gather water. It wasn’t going to be as refreshing as a cool spring, but it was something.
As he approached, he was surprised Lohen hadn’t moved an inch. Illuga sat, looking him over, his breathing quickening. The poor guy looked sick. Did he have an infection somewhere? There was a possibility he needed medical attention before he got food in him.
Illuga knelt and gently positioned Lohen flat on his back. The multiple slits in his layers of clothing looked to be from more dozens of battles, maybe more. His pale skin had bruises, dirt, cuts, and one thick coagulated spot near his mouth that was either from his lip or internal. Hopefully not from coughing up blood. If he had internal bleeding, then…
Illuga hesitated, groaning under his breath. He didn’t really have a choice.
He kept his movements gentle and slow. Starting with his face and neck, Illuga checked him over, searching for deep gashes or infected wounds. His arms only had smaller cuts, and the one in his hand hadn’t become infected. Everywhere there was a hint of blood, Illuga gently pulled away layers of clothing to check. It likely looked incredibly rude from an outsider’s perspective, but Illuga knew it was necessary to at least check.
He gently rolled Lohen to his side to check his back, relieved there wasn’t much blood. So far the worst was his shoulder and hand, but neither were serious enough to be fatal.
Illuga took a quick glance over Lohen’s lower, lower back and then his hips and down to his legs. But with long boots, it was impossible to tell. Which meant, he likely didn’t have internal bleeding. Which was good.
Illuga didn’t bother to move him again, letting him lie gently on his side, seemingly resting peacefully. He couldn’t help but keep an eye on Lohen’s face, unable to look away. It was only to see if he showed signs of waking, Illuga told himself. Not at all to look at him longer. After seeing those eyes, even though harshly glared, Illuga sensed something pained and slipping, like Lohen’s entire life hung by a thread. And deep down Illuga needed to know he was okay. Varka showed true care for Lohen, even though the others seemed to disregard the situation. Like Lohen deserved losing his rank and all respect.
If something like that had happened to Illuga, what would have been his next move? No longer being squad captain, having his fellow Lightkeepers look at him differently, see him poorly, like they decided he wasn’t worth their companionship.
The thought of it hurt.
Illuga scooted closer, carefully tilting Lohen’s face up, and, pouring slowly, he let a few drops spill on his lips.
Instantly, Lohen’s breath hitched and his eyes fluttered open. There was no instant desire to strike this time. There was just…confusion.
“Drink,” Illuga ordered.
Lohen’s eyes found the canteen, hardening. His mouth clenched shut, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
Illuga let out a sigh. “Varka will be back soon with food. It’s just him and me. We won’t take you back to the camp.”
That made Lohen’s eyes open again, this time with scrutiny.
“Varka’s been worried about you,” Illuga said, and Lohen’s face fell into dismay. But there was something else in those eyes. “I helped him track you down after you saved those Lightkeepers earlier.”
Lohen’s eyes squinted up at him, like he was debating, then they flitted down to the canteen.
Illuga smiled, carefully pressing it to his lips to help him slowly drink. He cringed during his first couple swallows.
“It’s not fresh water, but it’ll help your throat,” Illuga said.
Lohen pulled away, grimacing when he gruffly cleared his throat. His voice came out dry and raspy. “Who are you?”
Illuga couldn’t help but form an amused smile. “Captain of the Nightmare Orioles, and a squad leader among the Lightkeepers. You about cut my throat when I asked if you were hurt the other night.”
Lohen’s eyebrows rose, and he forced out, “You?” He groaned as he tried and failed to sit up. Under his breath, he muttered, “Another superior butting in.”
“I’m not your superior,” Illuga said.
Lohen rolled his eyes.
Firmer, Illuga said, “You’re a knight. You’re a good fighter, and you saved lives. That’s what matters.”
Lohen let out a weak moan as he forced himself to sit up, ignoring Illuga’s offer to help. He scooted back to lean against the tree, his eyes closing again. “If Varka’s headed here, you can leave. No need to babysit me.”
Illuga sighed and got to his feet, but he crossed his arms. “You plan on running off?”
Lohen narrowed his eyes. “I’m not a child. I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”
Illuga stayed where he was, watching him, but his gaze lowered to the stains on his arm. On the blood that had dried from his wounds. “You don’t need to hurt yourself.”
“I’ll do what I want,” he repeated, covering his arm with the other. His furious words didn’t reflect in his averted glare.
Illuga turned to leave, letting out a heavy sigh. “He might be a superior, but he cares about you. I’m sure a lot of people do.”
Lohen scoffed. “Right. That’s why he took my rank away. He cares about me.”
Illuga looked over his shoulder, but he didn’t answer.
Lohen rolled his eyes again. “I’m not running off. I can barely move. Not that anyone should care.”
Now that he had his eyes on him again, Illuga noticed the slight trembling throughout Lohen’s body. With Illuga’s gloves and heavy coat, he hadn’t noticed, but the chill in the air had him squinting against the cold winds. It was growing colder by the minute.
Setting up the tent like he had planned was an option, but it didn’t make a difference now that Lohen was awake.
Illuga returned to him, stripping off his coat. Before Lohen could try to shove him away, he wrapped it around his shoulders, then took a seat next to him. Every time Lohen shifted to try to force it off, Illuga fixed it.
“I don’t need your fucking help,” Lohen growled out.
Illuga swallowed, the chill in the air and the iciness of his words making him shiver. This was the brutal response of a wounded animal, of a creature that had only been shown cruelty and didn’t want to relax in any circumstance.
Illuga had felt similar in the distant past. It was hard to accept offers of good will. It took a lot to brush off stubbornness and admit the need for help.
He ignored the harsh words and continued to adjust the coat around Lohen. After multiple attempts to shrug off the coat, Lohen murmured, “Whatever,” and settled against the tree.
Illuga relaxed next to him, wrapping his arms tightly around him, hiding his own shiver. It was getting cold out. Was Varka going to force Lohen to return? Because the cold weather and his weak condition meant he needed shelter and care. But Lohen would probably never agree to it…
“Our camp has extra tents,” Illuga said. He paused, letting him absorb what he was offering. “It’s there for you if you don’t want to return with Varka.”
“I’m fine,” Lohen muttered.
“You don’t have food or water,” Illuga reminded him. “You’re hurt.”
“I’m fine,” he repeated.
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, Illuga heard Varka’s footsteps thundering closer. He was running just as quickly as before, not even winded. And when he saw Lohen awake and sitting up, his face brightened.
“Lohen,” he said, his voice full of so much relief it was like a father being reunited with his son. “How’s your hand? Your shoulder?” He knelt in front of him, pulling off the new satchel over his shoulder. “I’ve got extra bandages to take care of them.”
“I’m fine,” Lohen grumbled, which seemed to be his go-to response. “I’ll eat something, but I don’t need help bandaging myself. I can do it.”
“I know you can,” Varka said, his words gentle. “You’re perfectly capable, but I want to do this.”
Lohen scoffed. “As an apology or something? It won’t get you anywhere.”
Varka sat back and released a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t have a choice in what they decided.”
“Bullshit,” Lohen spat. “You’re the Grand Master. You told me it would all be okay.”
Illuga spotted the hint of a sparkling wetness in Lohen’s red-tinted eyes, but he quickly blinked it away.
“I swear I did what I could,” Varka said.
“I...I don’t blame you,” Lohen said, his voice softer than before, and he looked away, glaring hard into the distance. “But I’m not going back. It’s too late for that.”
Varka stared at him, almost like he was searching for a way to convince him to change his mind. His blond hair blew into his face with a bigger gust of wind, and he glanced at the sky, then around them. When his gaze found the coat rested over Lohen’s body, a slight smile appeared.
“Haven’t seen you wear brown before,” Varka said with a snort.
Lohen scoffed. “This guy is more stubborn than you. Wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“It’s closer to your size,” Varka commented. “Mine would consume you.”
This made Lohen’s laugh seem closer to genuine. “You tried that once, I remember.”
Illuga watched the two, then turned to hide his growing smile. He didn’t want to make either of them uncomfortable, but hearing them speak made it feel like Illuga was intruding on a private conversation.
“After you eat,” Varka said, “I’m not allowing you to go off on your own like that.”
“You can’t stop me,” Lohen said. He was eating something Varka had offered, and luckily a different canteen was near his hip.
“I’m worried about you, son,” Varka said.
Lohen sighed through his nose. “I know. But I still won’t go back.”
Varka let out a heavier sigh than before. “Am I going to drag you, or—?”
“Relax,” Lohen muttered. “I’m not going to be out there all night.”
Illuga turned, noticing the odd tone in his voice. He saw Lohen looking his way, hinting a small smile.
“I’ll stay with this guy,” Lohen said with a snort, then burrowed his face into the thick coat and let out an exaggerated, content sigh. “He offered, so I’ll do that.”
Relief filled Varka’s eyes, and he gave Illuga a smile. He returned it, feeling warmth spread across his cheeks from both men looking at him.
“I’ll, uh, lead the way back when you’re ready,” Illuga said.
He grimaced at the squeak in his voice, which made Lohen’s smile turn into amusement.
“Shut up,” he muttered under his breath.
____________
LOHEN:
It was merely a few pieces of dried bread, but it nearly made his stomach heave. The fresh water helped, so he relied on that.
And shitty as it was, he had to rely on Varka for help.
This new guy, who Lohen still didn’t know by name, was a stubborn ass. Wouldn’t let him say no. Even when he shoved away food, he insisted.
So, Lohen told him, “Your name. I’ll call you Squad Leader if you don’t tell me.”
The boy’s eyebrows rose before redness returned to his cheeks. With how cold he was with his shivering, it was odd how much he blushed. “Illuga.”
Lohen nodded, holding his gaze. Even when it darted away, it always seemed to return. The guy looked pretty young, maybe even younger than him, and being in a high position had Lohen curious. This bashful but stubborn guy had people following him? Was his leadership even worth it?
Lohen shoved the coat back toward Illuga after Varka helped him stand. He knew Illuga would say no, so Lohen stepped forward and wrapped it around him. Varka kept a hand gently touching his arm to steady him as Lohen insisted on Illuga slipping his arms through the sleeves. Up close, Lohen saw the way his reddening cheeks matched the hint of red in the center of his blue eyes, a perfect match for the red on his earring and the lower part of his silver hair. The chill that had flushed his skin had him still shivering, and Lohen tightened the coat around his chest. Illuga kept his gaze, his head slowly tilting with curiosity.
“Lead the way, squad leader,” Lohen said.
Those blue eyes flitted up to Varka, then back to Lohen. “I guess just us two?”
Varka nodded. “I’m heading back. But I’m glad to know you’ve got a warm bed tonight.” He ruffled Lohen’s hair, making Lohen try and fail to elbow him in the side. “Take care of him, Lightkeeper,” Varka replied as he left.
Illuga looked him up and down. “Are you okay to walk?”
Lohen instantly recoiled, grumbling out, “I’m not weak. I can walk.”
“I didn’t call you weak.”
“Well, I can walk just fine.”
Illuga nodded and led the way, and Lohen kept a steady pace beside him. The small bites of food and several swallows of water kept Lohen going, but he still felt an overpowering emptiness in his stomach and heavy wave of exhaustion throwing itself over his eyes every time he blinked.
But he shrugged it off and walked.
The silence wasn’t terrible, but it felt awkward. Lohen racked his brain for what all had happened the night he had first seen Illuga. He had been fighting and doing a damn good job, and Illuga had thrown himself into the fight to help. They had taken care of the Wild Hunt before Lohen had turned on him.
Lohen chuckled to himself. It was a good thing he hadn’t attacked the guy. Although he’d been tempted after his group of Lightkeepers had interfered with his fight.
He noticed Illuga’s curious stare. Although he was tempted to look away, he decided to directly ask him, “What’s your routine? Do you go out every night?”
Illuga’s curiosity switched to a narrowed look. “You’re not coming with me on patrol.”
How did he know what he was thinking? “Patrol, huh?” Lohen said, growing a slight smile. “Even if I behave?”
Illuga surprisingly burst out with laughter, his face practically glowing with the lighthearted sound. It made Lohen smile more, but he quickly lost it. Why was he smiling? This guy was a superior, and he was already telling him what to do.
But he watched Illuga longer, noting the oddly genuine smile and small shake of his head. What was he thinking about?
“You patrol this place for the Wild Hunt, right?” Lohen said, thinking through his words. “I can help. I’ll eat and rest and all that shit first. And if you’re in charge, maybe I won’t mind following orders.”
That made Illuga’s brows raise high before he quickly turned away to hide his face. What the hell was that reaction?
After a small clearing of his throat, Illuga said, “I’ll, uh, discuss it with my old man. You’re still a knight, you know.”
Lohen frowned. Growing heat filled his chest, the anger from before resurfacing. He grumbled a curse under his breath. Was he even a knight anymore? Did they even consider him one now?
Illuga stayed quiet, probably letting Lohen mull it over. He grumbled more under his breath as he thought about it, then decided it didn’t matter. He didn’t plan to return anytime soon. Varka could tell the others whatever he wanted. Did they even care how long he’d been fighting alone, doing a damn good job without their orders? And without food or water, too. That just proved he was too good for them.
Although, the exhaustion had him nearly tripping as he put all his focus on walking and keeping pace with Illuga. But it was getting harder to even keep his eyes open. His breathing was heavier, embarrassingly so, but he was just so damn tired.
For now, Lohen didn’t care about the knights. He was curious about the Lightkeepers. About how they fought, how they patrolled, and how often they really got to battle.
“On paper, sure, I’m considered a knight,” Lohen finally said. “But for now, I’m staying with you. So, I’ll be a temporary Lightkeeper if you’ll allow it.”
Illuga’s cheeks grew noticeably red again, and he shrugged without a reply.
Lohen sighed. This guy sure didn’t act like a leader. Was he just shy?
Well, if Illuga wasn’t sure yet, then Lohen had his ways of getting what he wanted. Whether by force or by his words.
Lohen stopped, letting Illuga eventually realize and turn around. The hint of a smirk grew on Lohen’s lips, and after stepping closer and meeting the man’s eyes, he had grasped Illuga’s entire attention. The spreading shade of red that coated Illuga’s cheeks seemed to burn hot as Lohen grew even closer, gently taking the tip of his chin with a curled finger to hold his gaze. It was similar to his polearm’s sharp point directing his chin with a warning, but this was all to manipulate charismatic words to get what he wanted.
And Illuga had fallen right into it.
“Anything you say, I’ll follow your orders,” Lohen whispered. “Is that alright, squad leader?”
Illuga swallowed, his blue eyes sparkling as they held Lohen’s.
But it wasn’t the satisfaction of coyly getting his way that Lohen gained from that moment.
No. It was an odd pull of something else, something that had his eyes unable to move from Illuga’s. Something in those fascinating blue eyes had drawn Lohen in just as deeply as he had tried to force on Illuga.
Coincidentally and in the same moment, another feeling spawned. This was a dizzying blur that spanned across the sides of his vision, coming full force now that he had stopped walking.
Illuga’s image blurred, and Lohen’s legs suddenly buckled. Every ounce of weakness and exhaustion in his body hit all at once, making him go limp.
Warm arms wrapped around him, protecting his fall, and Lohen’s head rested heavily against Illuga’s chest, warmed by it. Lohen forced himself not to pass out, his attention desperately clinging to sense the warm body against him. An icy brush of wind across his neck made him shiver, and he tried to force the shivering to stop before it became obvious.
But after some movement and shuffling, Lohen felt that heavy warmth wrap around him, covering his body and blocking out the wind.
“Passing out on me, huh?” came Illuga’s amused voice above him. “You just want to be carried, don’t you?”
Lohen had the urge to laugh, but basking in the growing warmth had his consciousness fading more. He felt like he was falling deeper into his thoughts, probably on the edge of passing out. But he couldn’t pass out. He had to eat and drink water and prove he was ready for a patrol. It would be his chance to fight alongside Illuga.
Lohen stiffened at the strangeness of the thought. He didn’t fight with others. He fought alone. He was alone. He didn’t need anyone.
Even as he relaxed in Illuga’s arms, he affirmed to himself that yes, he still didn’t need anyone. He didn’t need help.
Although, right now, it felt kind of nice.
________________________________________
ILLUGA:
Illuga was incredibly curious about the stories now. On what had led to Lohen’s loss of rank, on what things he had done to get to that point.
Because what the hell was that?
Like a soothing feeling had enveloped his entire body as he gazed into Lohen’s hauntingly red eyes, he wanted to lean in closer. He wanted to hear him whisper more.
Illuga groaned under his breath. What the actual hell was that?
Lohen’s body rested heavily against him, his eyes closed and his breathing tranquil. He had actually passed out.
Illuga debated the easiest manner of transport, settling on turning to let Lohen rest over his back. He buttoned part of the coat to stay around Lohen’s shoulders first, and after positioning him, standing, and holding the back of his legs, he walked. Lohen wasn’t exactly light, probably due to his armor, but Illuga didn’t mind. The gentle, even breathing was oddly calming, along with the warmth around him. The chill of the blowing winds didn’t cause him to shiver with both Lohen and his coat covering him.
The walk was slow. He kept a steady pace, but it felt like it took forever for him to return to the camp.
By that time, midday meal had already ended, and the Lightkeepers were undergoing training and daily duties.
Instead of the medical tent, Illuga went to Nikita’s tent first.
Wszebor was a few paces away from the tent, his eyes bugging when he saw Illuga approach. But noticing his direction, he quickly knocked on the post of Nikita’s tent before opening the flap for Illuga.
The old man stood up from his desk, eyes wide and curious, but he was alone. Illuga carefully sat in one of the chairs, allowing Lohen to gently slip off him and slump in the seat. He dragged another chair close to sit beside him, letting Lohen’s body lean against him.
Nikita’s rounded eyes flickered to Illuga, but they mostly stayed on Lohen.
“Varka requested…?”
Illuga shook his head. “Lohen did. He’s requested to stay with us and help with patrol, and Varka allowed it.”
He waited, offering the old man time to absorb the situation and understand that it wasn’t up to Illuga, Lohen, or Varka.
A long, winded sigh escaped Nikita’s nose. “What part of dangerous doesn’t resonate with you, son?”
“He’s not dangerous,” Illuga said. His voice was thankfully even more firm than he expected. “Under my direction, under my consistent watch. It isn’t my decision, but I’m requesting it, sir.”
Nikita continued to eye him, his hard gaze searching Lohen’s body like he could force out answers from him.
“I trust you, son,” Nikita finally said. “Get him to medical. If you deem it alright, he can accompany you tonight. If not…”
Illuga sensed what he was getting at. Lohen was under his watch, but if he was out on patrol, then he had no caretaker.
“He’s only sleep deprived and starved, sir. Not badly injured.” Illuga nodded once. “He will accompany my squad tonight.”
Nikita nodded, but he still didn’t look so sure. “After he’s in medical, how about you chat with your squad?”
Oh. For some reason, that hadn’t occurred to him. Would the others be comfortable having him tag along? Probably not.
Illuga held back his sigh. “I’ll talk to them.”
He returned to sitting in front of Lohen, gathering him again across his back. Nikita watched him thoughtfully, not saying more, but Illuga sensed the unease. Everyone had been told the stories, apparently. And everyone knew of the Grand Master’s warning.
But nothing Lohen had said or done gave off any hint of danger. All Illuga sensed from him was bitter betrayal, frustration, and the desire for freedom. And after seeing those eyes, hearing his words…
Illuga entered the medical tent and gently sat Lohen in a chair. “He needs rest. Food and water, too,” he told Areta, the doctor. His eyes strayed to Lohen’s bloody arm, and he added, “He might lash out when he wakes up.”
That made Areta stare at him, clearly uncomfortable.
“I’ll be back soon,” Illuga assured him. “Five minutes. Maybe ten. Then I’ll stay with him until he wakes up.”
She didn’t look any more sure, but she gave a slight nod.
Illuga hurried out, heading to the sparring area to find Anleifr. It was the most likely place he and Egle would be, and hopefully Rollon was with them.
Sure enough, he saw Anleifr sparring with Rollon, and he motioned at them when he caught Rollon’s eye.
“Important talk,” he said, making certain all three were listening. He settled for clear and simple. “The awol Vice-Captain is here in our camp recuperating.”
Egle, predictably, looked nervous. The other two seemed skeptical and concerned.
“I’m going to say it outright,” Illuga said. “Lohen is not dangerous, and he’s more or less left the knights for now. And I’ve asked the old man if he can join us on our patrol.”
Anleifr’s breath came out in a gasp, and Rollon was immediately shaking his head. Egle looked mortified.
“You guys saw him,” Illuga said, probably sounding desperate now. “He didn’t attack me. He was fighting alone and out there for days on his own with no food or water. And I’ve talked to him.”
“I don’t trust it,” Anleifr said.
Illuga nodded his understanding. “You don’t have to say yes right now. But I want you to consider. Let me give him a chance. These aren’t orders. I only ask that you think about this.”
Rollon let out a groan. “I trust you, Captain, but this is a lot.”
“Then, think it over.” Illuga backed away. “I’ll return in a little while. Please think it over for me. Just keep your minds open.”
He headed back to the medical tent, not looking back at his squad. They were honorable, considerate people, but logically, it was completely understandable they were worried and fearful.
Still. He desperately hoped they would consider.
Areta was sitting next to Lohen when Illuga returned, his limp arm in her lap. Her movements were small and gentle, carefully checking the deeper wound on his hand.
“Self-inflicted,” Illuga said quietly.
Areta frowned up at him. “He’s lucky it isn’t infected. I’d still like to bandage it, but…”
“I’m here now,” Illuga assured her. “I’ll be here if he wakes up.”
Areta sighed, but she went to get her supplies. Illuga took her spot, scooting his chair to face Lohen’s side, gently rolling his sleeve farther up his arm. The majority of the cuts were small, just enough to draw blood. They would heal easily. But the one on his hand was gnarly. Gooey, bloody gore made up the deep wound. It likely needed a few stitches.
Illuga was holding Lohen’s hand in his lap, looking it over, so it took a second to him to realize the stiffness that had consumed Lohen’s arm.
But when Illuga looked up at him, Lohen’s gaze was only confusion and fatigue. He lazily glanced around, watching the doctor, but his eyes returned to Illuga, curiosity coming out more through his tilted head and pinched brows.
Illuga said softly, “Will you let the doctor help?”
An instant grimace, followed by a quick shake of his head.
“Why?” Illuga held that hesitant gaze, searching. “I’m here. You’re not alone here.”
Lohen’s jaw worked as his eyes scoured the room, taking in his surroundings. He didn’t pull his hand away, but he was still stiff.
“Just give me the bandages,” he finally said, his voice hoarse. “I’ll do it myself.”
Areta scooted her chair close, smiling at him. Her discomfort from before was either well hidden or it had left. Maybe it was the calm, curious, and confused Lohen she relaxed to, instead of the manic and scary version others had created through rumors. “You’re strong, aren’t you?” she said. “A couple stitches are nothing.”
Lohen eyed her, but his expression softened. He nodded before glancing at Illuga. When he noticed Illuga’s hint at a smirk, he returned to that glare. “What’s that look, huh? I can handle a stitch or two.”
Illuga continued to smile.
Lohen huffed out a sigh. “I’ll even let her stitch up my shoulder. Wouldn’t want my squad leader worrying about me, now would I?”
“Worry?” Illuga said playfully. “Why would I worry about you? You fight alone, remember?”
Lohen looked away, gritting his teeth and staring at something else. His stubbornness and teasing had left, making Illuga feel bad about saying what he did. His mood had soured, but he held still, letting Areta remove his upper layers until she had access to his bare shoulder and bare arm.
The small cuts weren’t the only scars on his arms. Nearly every inch was consumed. Deep ragged cuts and shallow scratches covered his pale skin, some old, some newer.
The sight of it made Illuga’s eyes burn, but he couldn’t look away. Was this only to prepare him for battle? Or was this…?
“It’s not your business,” Lohen muttered.
Illuga nodded, forcing himself to look away, if only to prevent Lohen from becoming more upset.
The room stayed extremely quiet. Lohen didn’t make any noises or hisses as Areta stitched him. In fact, he seemed to be at ease, calm with his eyes closed, possibly even enjoying the pain of the antiseptic and the needle and thread.
“You’re welcome to stay here until patrol later,” Areta said after she’d bandaged his injuries. “I can leave while you rest, if that’s easier, too.”
Illuga’s surprise must have been way closer to ogling, because she laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. He’ll probably be more comfortable away from the others for now. We’ll let them get used to the idea of Lohen staying with us for a while.”
Illuga caught Lohen’s small smile before it quickly left. “Um, thanks,” Lohen said. “I appreciate it.”
Illuga stood, and he caught Lohen’s subtle expression again, this time a spark of worry before it settled into nonchalance.
“You need food and water,” Illuga said. “I’ll be back soon.”
Lohen rolled his eyes. “Don’t have to announce every little thing. I’m fine here.”
Illuga scoffed, exaggerating his own eye roll before he left the tent. He heard Areta laugh as he left, giving him a little peace of mind. She had completely relaxed, so it had to be because of Lohen’s calmer demeanor. That only made sense.
Illuga headed for the mess tent, slowing when he noticed his old man standing outside his tent, handing a letter to someone.
Nikita waved him over. “Just information sent to the Grand Master. I’m sure he’s worried how his knight is doing.”
Illuga glanced at the letter.
“Nothing you wouldn’t write yourself,” Nikita said. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “My trust in you goes deep, son. You’ve put your heart in this, and I’ll see it through.”
“Thank you,” Illuga said, giving him a hug before continuing on.
The mess tent had leftovers of lunch, enough for him to grab food for himself and Lohen. He wasn’t all that hungry, but he knew he needed to eat.
By the time he reached the medical tent, he realized there were others inside. Illuga had to tightly clutch the food tray in his hands to not drop it all from his instant spike in anxiety.
Areta was at her station, doing her best to stay out of the way. Because Anleifr, Egle, and Rollon were all inside, facing a glaring Lohen.
“What—”
“I’m not dragging along a wild animal,” Anleifr interrupted Illuga, his eyes narrowed.
“We’ve all heard stories,” Egle said.
“It just feels like a bad idea, boss,” Rollon said quietly, his hesitant gaze on the ground.
Illuga set the food down and crossed his arms. “Stories don’t mean truth.”
“Come on—”
“No.” It was Illuga’s turn to interrupt, his words sharp and firm. “A few rumors do not mean a man isn’t to be trusted. Grand Master Varka has explicitly spoken up for him, and I trust his word.” He narrowed his eyes at Anleifr, already knowing it was him who had put these two more on edge with added worries. “Old Man Nikita trusts my decision, too. And I’ve already decided Lohen will join me for my patrol tonight. Which means you can each ask to be temporarily pardoned if you choose it. You won’t be in trouble if you back out tonight.”
Silence spread between the three Lightkeepers. Illuga could feel Lohen’s gaze on him, but he held his hard stare on his three squad members who were honestly pissing him off.
“If you trust me as your squad leader,” Illuga said, somewhat softer, “then trust my decision to give him a chance.”
Rollon glanced at the others, seemingly open to it. Anleifr was glowering at Illuga, while Egle had her uncertain stare on Anleifr. She tended to do whatever he wanted.
“I’ll let you three decide over the afternoon,” Illuga said. “For now, please leave. I’d like to eat my meal in peace.”
Anleifr left first, with the other two trailing after. Illuga grabbed the food, sat next to Lohen, and let out a grumpy sigh.
“Sorry about that,” he muttered. “They’re stubborn asses that don’t open up very easily to strangers.”
As he balanced the tray to split up the portions, he realized Lohen hadn’t spoken.
And as he glanced up to meet his eyes, he was struck speechless by the baffled curiosity consuming Lohen’s face. As if he’d never in his life heard something so crazy.
“Y-you’re insane,” he whispered.
Illuga scoffed. “Why? Because I told the truth?”
“The…truth…” He laughed to himself, an incredulous sound as if he couldn’t believe such a thing was possible. “You’re putting your whole reputation at risk to bring me along tonight.”
Illuga shrugged. “Nikita and I both trust Varka’s word, and from what I saw, Varka thinks really highly of you.”
That made Lohen look away, and he crossed his arms. His lack of response was telling.
“He treats you like a son, Lohen,” Illuga said. “Sometimes duties come first, even when family is important.”
Lohen audibly swallowed, remaining silent for a little longer before reaching for one of the canteens of water. Illuga scooted the tray closer, offering the food.
The tent was mostly silent while they ate, aside from Areta’s casual comments. She seemed oddly content with the two of them there, which meant she was either comfortable with Lohen or she was bored and eager to have company.
“I’ve got a request,” Lohen finally said, his voice soft in the quiet room. “Don’t say no, okay?”
Illuga raised an eyebrow.
“Spar with me.” The smile in his voice grew, and he grinned at him. “Today, tomorrow, sometime. Anytime.”
Illuga snorted. “Can’t wait to fight again, huh?”
“Ugh.” The smile faded. “Of course, but this is different. You’re a Captain, and I’m a… I mean, I was… I’m just curious how strong you are.”
“You’ve got a deal.”
Lohen’s eyes lit up, and his enthusiasm remained even after they were finished eating. The color had returned to his face, along with his energy he probably normally had when he wasn’t starving to death.
But Illuga stopped it cold, telling him, “Rest up. You have to. You can’t go later until you’ve gotten some good sleep.”
Lohen groaned, but nodded okay. “Whatever,” he grumbled. “I’ll stay here with Areta. You get going with your captain duties.”
Areta shooed him off. “I’ll take care of him.”
Illuga nodded, feeling oddly saddened to have to leave, having the strong urge to spend more time with Lohen.
But he was right. Duties came first.