Chapter Text
The video went viral online.
Let me correct myself: any video about Shane Hollander would go viral in the hockey world, for legitimate reasons—for his achievements, for his face, and for being one half of the First Husbands of Hockey.
But I was talking about viral viral here. Like, even people in South America who don't give a damn about hockey would have seen it.
And no one had expected this.
The video started with nothing out of the ordinary. It looked like one of those fancy Rolex events.
A guy in an obviously expensive bespoke suit and sparkling Rolex watch that screams money shook hands with Shane, “Shane! I've been wanting to meet you for ages! A big fan! Jonathan Filex—FCS Financial. We’ve worked with Rolex for years.”
In the video, Shane put on his perfect, media-trained smile, “It is my pleasure Mr. Filex. Have you watched a lot of hockey games?”
The man laughed, and leaned forward towards Shane, using a deep, seductive voice, “Just call me Jon. Not a hockey fan. No. But your fan. If you know what I mean.”
Shane clearly didn’t, but nodded his head politely anyway, “Thank you. It's my pleasure to entertain the fans.”
“Best ambassador Rolex could ever ask for,” Now the man was being more obvious, letting his eyes travel slowly up and down Shane's body, “With those muscles of yours, it's certainly more than entertainment. You're the most beautiful man in the league. Probably in all of Canada. Maybe even the world."
Shane frowned a little. "Well, no," he said matter-of-factly. "More than half the guys in the league are bigger than I am. Including Ilya. But thank you, though. I try."
"Ilya Rozanov is a really lucky man," the man said. "Some of us dream of having one chance. He gets to touch those muscles, lick them, every day."
Shane was now visibly frowning, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation.
"All right. Um, I'm the lucky one," he said simply, turning his head as though he was searching for a way out.
"But it's hardly fair, is it?" the man continued, disregarding Shane's discomfort. "Considering his history. It wouldn't be fair for you to be locked down with him. Well, he's had plenty of experience on both sides. But if you want to experiment, all you need to do is ask."
He brushed his fingers over Shane's shoulder, giving him a pat that lasted one second too long to be friendly.
Shane snapped his head around and turned to face the man. He was visibly frowning now, with a stern expression on his face.
"Are you biphobic?" he asked directly.
"What?" The man was obviously taken aback. "I mean—no!"
"Then you should probably stop suggesting my husband is a cheater," Shane said flatly.
"No, I mean, I don't—I'm not talking about him!" the man started, eyes wide. "I just want to show my appreciation for you! Your game, you know, and those muscles! They're really great muscles!"
Shane slowly nodded, still looking wary, “Okay. Sorry. I may have misread that. We’ve had issues with that kind of thing before. My apologies.”
The man smiled, obviously he was trying to go back to flirting. "No apology necessary. Who could ever be upset with you, Shane? Not with that face. And your body. Your body is unreal. I’d love to know the secret behind it."
Shane narrowed his eyes.
"I passed all the drug tests. I've never had any issues. Where is this going?" he said firmly. "If you suspect any misconduct from me, feel free to report it to the MLH Integrity Agency. If you suspect me of taking any illegal drugs—"
The man gasped. "WHA—No! I mean, how do you even—you misunderstood me, Shane!"
He reached out again, apparently trying to make physical contact with Shane, but Shane quickly stepped back and moved away from him.
"Stay away," Shane said, a warning in his voice. "This event does not tolerate violence. If you keep behaving like this, I will be calling security."
"Oh, please, Shane!" the man said desperately. "That's not what I mean!"
"Then what do you mean?" Shane demanded.
"I, I mean, I’m just trying to hit— "
Shane cut him off. "Finish that threat and I'll see you in court."
The man's eyes widened in shock, mouth opened and closed like a goldfish gasping for air.
Shane nodded, apparently satisfied.
"Be careful with your words and behavior, sir," he said as a final warning. "I do not tolerate bigotry. Not anymore."
With that, he turned around and strode away without saying goodbye, leaving the man standing there alone in complete defeat.
Comments went wild.
shannness @shannness
It took me THREE rewatches to realize Shane walked away from that conversation still having ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA that man was hitting on him LMAOOOO
JessicaDk @hollanov4evr
SAME. I kept waiting for the moment Shane finally realized the guy was flirting with him. IT NEVER CAME
R0zan0v pr manager @bearilya9
I was initially pissed at that guy for shit-talking Ilya, but by the end I almost felt bad for him. Imagine trying THAT hard to hit on your crush and he interprets the whole thing as a THREAT. God that would destroy my ego.
em @emgrace97
And imagine the entire thing getting caught on video and going viral. Yeah no. That would be the last time I ever showed my face in public.
Fourth Line Frank @4thlinefrank
So this man managed to find an insult, a threat, and grounds for a lawsuit in that conversation, but somehow managed to miss the MOST OBVIOUS FLIRTING IN HUMAN HISTORY???
hollander’s “C” @captain24
Oh Shane. I love you and whatever the hell is wrong with you.
защитник Розанова @zashchitnikrozy
Did anyone else notice Hollander’s entire attitude changed the SECOND that guy basically called Rozy a whore?
Montreal in six @mtl666
Not sure Rozanov didn’t deserve it tbh.Katie L. @katiel_44
Feel free to say that to Hollander’s face. I’d LOVE to watch him sue you.María José @majo_rdz
Okay but that was actually really sweet. Man does NOT play about his husband.
fútbol primero @messi87
I don’t even watch cricket. I’m literally only here because this dude is fucking hilarious.
third line grinder @dumpnchase
HOCKEY. It’s hockey, man. How the hell did you even get cricket
Nina @ninadoeslaw
I’m wondering whether Rolex’s event team has already called three different lawyers.
shane’s left dimple @goldenboyy24
I’m not even blaming that guy for flirting so desperately with Shane. I mean LOOK AT HIS FACE.
five-hole enthusiast @puckbunny24
And the body. Don’t forget the body.
Dylan @dylpickles96
I wouldn’t be happy if another dude was flirting with me either. Ew.
vive le chaos @patinoire_en_feu
Believe me bro, that is NOT his problem. He’s fucking gay.matt @mattdavis2001
WAIT HE’S OUTED???the locker room remembers @mlhlorekeeper
Oh he’s outed all right. Gay and VERY publicly outed.Pike’s 7th kid @haydenpikeL
Hayden still catching strays years later I'm cryinggggg
mads ♡ @madisonrae
I need ALL the information on this cutie pie in the next ten seconds. GO.
一粒荷兰豆 @hollllllanov
Too late, sister. He’s married to another man. Your chance is gone.Jess @jessicam_14
Tbf she never had a chance. Man’s been gay the whole time.Élodie @elodie_mtl
I mean, not even Rose Landry could keep him.cassie after dark @cassieafterdark
WAIT this is Rose Landry’s ex-boyfriend??? God I wish I cared more about celebrity gossip because how did I not find this man YEARS ago
ça sent la coupe @lasentlacoupe
For everyone who suddenly flooded into this community and knows absolutely nothing about hockey, quick background: the beautiful man is Shane Hollander. GOAT. Happily gay-married to his husband Ilya Rozanov, who is bisexual. Also a GOAT.
enemies to lovers enjoyer @rivals2lovers
You forgot their absolutely insane rivals-to-lovers storyline.ça sent la coupe @lasentlacoupe
I said a QUICK background. What do you want me to do, condense an entire romance novel into one sentence???enemies to lovers enjoyer @rivals2lovers
Point taken.
YingBuGu @YingBuGu
Soph @sophiaafterdark
Tbf the other guy was pretty hot too. And RICH rich. I bet he has more money than Hollander and Rozanov combined.
anna ☕🏒 @hollanderrozzy
Net worth was TOTALLY Shane’s #1 priority when he was shopping for a husband lolliv @livlaughlove
Okay but what about hotness?? That HAS to be one of the reasons Hollander picked Rozanov, right?rozysbetter @rozysbetter
See THAT’S what confuses me too.
robyn @robynonline
OH so THIS is where the viral “SEE YOU IN COURT” meme came from. Hilarious gay hockey drama please feed me more
capitalism’s final girl @angelicmess_
Hot rich finance bro with a six-pack and way too much confidence hitting on a married man. Fork found in kitchen.
two minutes for yearning @sinbin17
About time that dude got rejected. Builds character.
Mikey @mikeonmain
Are we SURE he’s gay? I’m a gay guy and I’m sorry but I would NOT have turned down an invitation like that. Married or not.
I survived the outing @hollanderC24
Obviously Shane Golden Boy Hollander has better morals than your ass.Ryan @ryguy_96
Okay but he kinda has a point. Hollander didn’t even REALIZE that guy was flirting with him. If I were gay there’s no way I’d miss that. Hell I’m NOT gay and I clocked it immediately. HOW DID HE MISS IT???AJ @ajfromqueens
Literally wondering the same thing. Isn’t gaydar supposed to be a thing?three cups later @centaursarchive
Lmao at the people questioning Hollander’s sexuality after EVERYTHING that happened a few years ago. I can literally imagine him going, “Yep. I thought it’d be super fun to pretend to be gay, have the entire hockey world questioning me, and get kicked off the team I captained and won three Cups for. Yep. Totally doing it for attention.”
Klára @klarak_94
For everyone questioning whether Hollander is actually gay: that man was DEFINITELY not straight lmao. I saw this insanely hot girl flirting with him once. She literally asked if he needed someone to keep his bed warm and this mf looked genuinely confused and said something about how getting used to the cold helps his performance on the ice. When he came out I was like ok that explains everything. Of course he doesn’t know when a WOMAN is flirting with him. But turns out he just doesn’t know when a HUMAN is flirting with him.
not here for the score @benchsidebabe
I asked him for an autograph once and I LITERALLY said, “You can sign anywhere on my front.” He signed my hat. MY HAT. Couldn’t even be mad because somehow he’s even cuter in person. Photos seriously do not do him justice.
lauren 🍒 @laurennicole
I met him at a bar once and flirted with him SO HARD. Then he offered to take me back to my hotel and obviously I was like YEEEEESSSS. Nope. This man walked me all the way to my room, made sure I drank a bunch of water, left some crackers by the bed, and then POLITELY LEFT. To this day I genuinely cannot tell whether that was him being a gentleman, being gay, or just being catastrophically oblivious.
han @hannahwells
Probably all three.
Mr. & Mr. Hockey @hollanov24x81
Okay now I NEED to know how Ilya ever got through to Shane in the first place. This man seems completely immune to flirting. How the FUCK did Ilya make him realize???
rozy’s missing helmet @number81s
He had to pull some absolutely unhinged shit, right?Great Russian Love Machine @grlm81
We’re talking about Ilya Rozanov. The Great Russian Love Machine™. GOAT of flirting. Of course he did.annie @anniewants2know
BUT HOW???Leah @leahhh_27
I think that’s the question we’re all asking now.Jo @joannem_
@ilyarozanov81 Sir. Care to explain?Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov81 ✓
You think I will teach internet how to flirt with my husband?Jo @joannem_
OMG THAT WAS REALLY HIM I AM DYINGrozy nation @rozzybear81
Any hint please sir please I am beggingmina @minakim
The mystery is killing me
Shane Hollander @shanehollander ✓
I sincerely apologize to Mr. Filex for misunderstanding his intentions and for suggesting that his words constituted a threat. I understand now that I misread the situation, and I regret any embarrassment or distress my response may have caused him.
That said, I am happily married, and I would respectfully ask that people keep that in mind when interacting with me. I value my marriage and my private life very deeply, and I ask that both be treated with the same respect I would extend to anyone else’s.
Thank you for understanding.
courtney @courtneyy88
OMG Shane found out a man was trying to fuck him and his immediate response was to issue a formal apology.
objection, your honor @suehappy91
WITH A LEGAL DISCLAIMER.
Centaurs till I die @Otwlifer
Never change, Shane Hollander.