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Sam is finally getting ready for bed, he couldn’t ask for this day to end any damn quicker.
After a long day of grueling meetings and responding to every single email he’s been avoiding for the past week, Sam is ready to flop onto his bed and sleep for an eternity. I mean, can you blame him? Half his emails are the Military or Air Force trying to get Sam to sell his soul away to the red white and blue stripes. Yea, no. Not happening.
Sam is staring at himself in the bathroom, looking deep into his own eyes and starts cataloging his features. It’s this cycle Sam always does, every night before bed, Sam takes in his features and picks a victim to poke and prod at.
Tonight’s victim? His tooth gap.
He can’t help but wish he had gotten his teeth fixed. Sam was so close to getting Invisalign after he was discharged from the Air Force, really this is when all this poking and prodding bullshit started. Sam needed an outlet for all the emotions he didn’t know how to regulate and one thing he could regulate was his features. Sam basically became a gym rat out of the Air Force, just to have a sense of control. Sam can admit that in his attempt for holding power, he's spiraled down this path of dissecting every part of himself, but it’s easier said than done. It's been years since he’s been out of the Air Force and he still can’t help but do it.
Sam starts poking at his tooth gap.
Ugh. I definitely should’ve gotten that damn Invisalign.
Jesus, has the gap always looked like that?
Ok, im definitely getting them fixed-
Bucky comes into the bathroom out of nowhere, damn near giving Sam a heart attack.
“Hey sweetheart, are you coming to bed?-“ Bucky looks at Sam in the mirror and Sam is practically knee deep inside his mouth pulling at his teeth.
“What the hell?” Bucky says bewildered.
Right, Bucky.
This little nightly ritual Sam does has changed immensely since he started living with Bucky, and definitely since they’ve been together.
Sam frantically pulls his hands out his mouth trying to act natural for someone who just looked like they were performing a root canal.
“Hey Buck, yea I’m going to bed now.”
Sam tries to rush past Bucky to the bedroom when Bucky gently grabs Sam’s arm before he could leave.
“Sam, you okay?” Bucky says laced with slight concern.
“Yea baby, why wouldn’t I be?” Sam is so shit at hiding anything from Bucky. Damn
him and his baby blue eyes for making Sam’s heart melt.
“Sam, you literally had all ten fingers in your mouth. Are you hurt?” Bucky lightly grabs Sam’s chin, inspecting Sam’s mouth intently.
“No Buck, I promise I’m not hurt.” Bless his heart, he always jumps to the worst conclusions about everything.
“Then what is it, sweetheart?” Bucky now has his warm hand splayed across Sam’s cheek. For a second, Sam forgets about everything and just melted into Bucky’s hand. Sam knows Bucky can tell when he feels off. The slightest furrow in Sam’s brow will have Bucky come running.
Sam sighs into Bucky’s hand, “I just think about closing my tooth gap, that’s all.” Sam says nonchalantly.
“Wait, what!” Bucky looks like he took a stab to the chest. “You can’t do that! That’s just- no!”
Sam is trying to make sure he said the right thing. All he said was he was gonna close his gap.
“Bucky, I don’t understand. I’ve been meaning to get this done for years, it just looks so… goofy.”
Bucky has this serious look painted on his face. The kind he reserves for people trying to fuck with him or get in his way.”
“Samuel, don’t ever say that again.”
Ok, wow. He wasn’t expecting that reaction.
“Oh come on, Bucky. You’ve gotta admit it’s not cute, your boyfriend has messed up teeth! Like I said I should’ve gotten fixed forever ago, you won’t believe how much better much better I’ll look.”
“Messed up? Did someone say something to you?” Bucky face slowly turns to anger.
“Bucky, wait-“
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle it-“
Bucky goes for the bathroom door but Sam pulls him back.
“Bucky, nobody said anything.” Sam sighs. He almost wished someone had said something, then maybe it would seem more reasonable.
Sam continues, “it’s just me and my fucked up mind. I just feel like I gotta change something, ya know?”
Sam just wants to feel good about himself and lately that’s felt like it’s the most impossible thing in the world. It’s so hard constantly being in the public eye, having your every move being scrutinized, and critiqued. Maybe if one out of his fifty imperfections is fixed, he’ll have some of that control back he lost.
Bucky must see Sam thinking far away, so he slowly cradles Sam’s face.
“Sweetheart, I can’t imagine a world where you would possibly have to change anything about yourself.” Bucky looks at him intently. “Sam, you're beautiful.”
Bucky stares deeply into Sam’s eyes and he can’t dare look away.
“Buck-“
“I mean it. You’re beautiful.” Bucky says it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like he’s declaring a statement as simple as the sky is blue.
Bucky presses a soft kiss to Sam’s mouth. “Your mouth is beautiful,”
He presses light kisses to Sam’s eyelids ,
“You’re eyes are beautiful,”
Sam giggles at the sensation of warm kisses on his eyelids, this man will be the death of him.
“Your nose” kiss
“Your brows” kiss
“Your moles.” kiss
Bucky pulls back to stare at Sam again, “all those things are mine to hold.”
Sam’s eyes start to well, how the hell did they end up here?
“Especially your tooth gap, Sam. Every time you flash a smile at me, I can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.” Bucky leans in for another kiss and this time Sam doesn’t let go.
It’s a pretty scene they make. The delicate light from the bathroom illuminates their faces, leaving them drenched in a warm dew. Here Sam stands, clinging onto Bucky for dear life because he has such a way with words. It’s like Bucky stays up writing love poems without Sam knowing, well, come to think of it, he probably does.
And Sam wouldn’t want it any other way.
Sam pulls back from the kiss and presses his face to his chest. “I don’t want to change everything about myself, I like myself.” Sam says earnestly in Bucky’s arms. It feels like Sam’s been holding this secret about himself for years and finally, today, in the goddamn bathroom, he lets the truth slip out.
“Then don’t. You don’t have to change.”
Sam lets his eyes close in Bucky’s hold, feeling himself fall asleep.
“C’mon.” Bucky motions for the bedroom,
“I think it’s way past your bedtime.”
Sam lets out a warm huff, “Really?
You're the old man, Barnes. You should’ve been put to bed like two hours ago.”
Bucky laughs and it vibrates Sam’s body.
Sam feels so content, like nothing else in the damn world matters. “Thank you. For everything.” Sam says.
“I love you, Sam.” Bucky says pulling back.
“I love you too, Buck.” Sam lets out a gap tooth smile and Bucky swears he’s fallen in love all over again.
-
Later that night, when Sam and Bucky are sleeping in the dead of night, Bucky springs up off the mattress in distress.
Bucky gasps for air, “Sam!”
Sam immediately shoots from the bed, Bucky obviously had a nightmare.
“Hey, Buck it’s okay. I’m here, it’s just me.” Sam rubs soothing circles over Bucky’s back, trying his best shake the sleep off his brain, he’s failing miserably.
Bucky grabs Sam’s face in desperation and pries Sam’s mouth open,
“Sam, sweetheart, I gotta make sure-“
“Bucky what-“
“Your teeth, did you get rid of your tooth gap-“
“Wait, what?“ Sam grabs Bucky's hand that’s trying to breach Sam’s mouth.
“Wait, Bucky, did you have a dream I closed my gap?” Sam’s sleep riddled brain is putting together the pieces.
Bucky scrabbles for Sam’s face again, “I gotta just make sure—Sam, lemme see.”
Bucky looks so cute with his hair all askew. His eyes are barely open and he looks so perfect Sam could kiss him.
So he did.
Sam kisses Bucky to calm him, then flashes his beautiful smile. “Still there, baby.”
Bucky smiles and immediately collapses back on the bed, pulling Sam down with him. He pulls Sam close to his chest, a small promise that he refuses to let go.
“Sam, you’re beautiful.” Bucky says into Sam’s eyes. He sounds like a broken record but he couldn’t care, Bucky thinks he is so damn beautiful.
Sam smiles like Bucky hung the moon himself and says, “Bucky, you’re beautiful.”
Bucky lets his eyes fall shut as the image of Sam's tooth gapped smile is burned into his mind.
He wouldn't have Sam any other way.