Chapter Text
‘Right now?!’ I yelled. ‘You couldn’t have done this sooner? Or later? We’re literally about to drop into radio range of the planet.’
‘Is period of high stress!’ Rocky screeched back, punching the wall of the ball. He hadn’t been in the ball for over a year, but some things couldn’t be done without a little bit of space.
Moulting, apparently, was one of them.
Yep, moulting. As in, swapping out the hard case of his carapace for a new one.
I clutched at my hair, which I’d allowed to get long, lately. It was down to my jaw now, and I was quite enjoying it. But it also made a great set of handlebars for grabbing onto when I was struggling to make peace with some people’s impeccable timing. ‘They’re going to radio to us any moment now, and you’re going to pass out for how long?’ I demanded.
‘Don’t fucking know,’ he said, turning in circles and clicking in anxiety. ‘Could be week. Could be month.’
‘An Earth month?!’
‘Told you, I don’t know!’ He stomped on the floor. ‘This not exactly fun for me, either!’
I resisted the urge to throw things. After nearly four years of travelling to Erid, we were almost close enough for radio contact.
Which, in the opinion of Rocky’s body, meant it was the perfect time to moult his entire carapace and leave himself unconscious for god knows how long.
‘Will be fine,’ Rocky said, pausing and doing the Eridian equivalent of taking a deep breath by slowly venting steam from the top of his carapace. ‘Erid will contact Hail Mary. You answer radio, explain taumoeba, hand over, no problems.’
‘They won’t understand me,’ I pointed out. ‘They’ll just think I’m making wet noises at them. I need you to do the talking.’
He puffed a vent out again. ‘No,’ he drawled, in the tone he used when he thought I was being a moron, ‘you speak. Use Eridian tones. We practice this, now time for action.’
I glared at him, my arms folded. ‘You told me that was basically baby-talk. I can’t stand here using baby-talk for First Contact, do you know how embarrassing that would be?’
‘Yes ‘ he replied glibly. ‘Know exactly how embarrassing. Come the fuck on. I been doing this for four years now. Grace not hear good, translator not much better.’
We barely used the translator anymore, but Rocky did still communicate with me in the stilted grammar and syntax that made it easier for my stupid meat-brain (his words) to understand. I’d asked him to talk to me in full, uncensored Eridian. But every time he did so it was like having five simultaneous conversations at once. After numerous attempts, we’d had to give up. It hadn’t been a real issue. Until now.
Rocky suddenly winced, letting out a tiny cry, as if something was itching or bothering him. Right, yes. He hadn’t chosen this. And I was being a jerk.
I needed to get a grip.
I sighed, hands on my hips. ‘Alright. Sorry for freaking out. I’ll do it. Not that I have a choice, but I’ll do it. Sorry. I’m just… kind of nervous about introducing myself to an entire planet’
‘Grace will be fine,’ Rocky said. ‘Grace very cute, when get used to. Erid will live, thanks to taumoeba, and I will help explain when wake up.’ He hunkered down in the ball in the cat-loaf position I adored. ‘Few things to remember,’ he said, suddenly sounding very tired. ‘Taumoeba most important. Mention immediately.’
‘Of course.’
‘Word for moult is ….’ He sang out an overlapping series of notes. The overlaps were where I always fell down. It wasn’t really possible to hum and whistle at the same time.
I coughed. ‘I don’t know if I can say that. I can say sick?’ I hummed the tune out.
‘…yes, that will have to do. They will realise when see. Oh, Grace, you need have number conversion programme on thinking machine in case they ask for math. You bad at math. Will need to dock with space elevator. Math important.’
I nodded. Better safe than sorry when it came to coordinates. ‘Of course, I’ll double check everything as well.’
‘And no let Eridians on Hail Mary, explain your air bad bad bad.’
‘Obviously.’
‘You stay on ship, promise?’
‘Ok, but… but what if they want to take you away?’ I queried. ‘They might think you’re sick and need moving.’
Rocky tapped his claws together. ‘Rocky fine here on ship for moult, but if Eridians want to move, not much Grace can do about it.’
This was true - what was I going to do? Fight them off?
He gave a shudder, and I stepped forward, but he raised a claw to stop me. ‘And last - all discs with details for Grace habitat safe?’
‘Yes.’ I patted the box that contained the information discs Rocky had engraved. They were essentially vinyl records, except not made of vinyl. And they contained all the known information he had about me. From what I ate, to my physical makeup, to what poisoned me, to the atmospheric requirements. We’d decided to put all the information together on the discs about a year ago, when the cabin fever got hard to shake off, and doomsday prepping had become a bit of a coping mechanism.
‘It’s all here, buddy. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.’ I got down on my knees and held the ball, pressing myself against it as much as I could. ‘It’s so weird not being able to hug you again.’
‘Yes, ball is stupid. But back in xeno-suit soon.’ Rocky let out a soft croon and stroked down where my face pressed into the denote. ‘Rocky promised to bring Grace home. And have. Now we together on Erid.’
‘Almost.’ I turned my face and kissed at his claw. He warbled a soothing few notes.
‘Will see you soon,’ he said.
A sudden thought struck me - the elephant in the room was rearing its head and I had to ask: ‘Say… is it wise for me to mention that we’re -‘
Rocky slumped to the ground, legs splayed out, as unmoving as a heap of, well, rocks.
‘Bastard ‘ I said, affectionately.
Well. It looked like that particular decision was now mine to make.
*
I don’t think anthropologists would be shocked to find out what had happened on the way to Erid.
Humans will, given enough time and boredom, probably try it on with most things. Whether or not anthropologists would have foreseen the human falling in love with the rock spider was something else entirely.
We’d done it all backwards. Of course, because nothing about us was in the slightest bit conventional. The night before we parted ways - me planning to go back to Earth and Rocky’s ship programmed with his route to Erid, all the walls we’d been building up and then slowly breaking down between us had finally collapsed.
All of them, except the actual physical wall, which remained between us of solid xenonite.
But that hadn’t stopped us doing what two aliens who are never going to see each other again do best…. Namely, fucking each other stupid by means of mutual masturbation and making use of that single textured exchange panel in the xenonite ball.
We’d been watching a movie, and for the life of me I couldn’t remember what it was. Not that it mattered. Rocky had been leaning against me, and I against him, the ball separating us, and I had never felt so hot in the face in my life. It was always warm, leaning like that, but this was different. This was: if you don’t do something now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.
‘Rocky?’ I said, my voice wobbling like a tightrope walker.
‘Grace?’ he piped, sounding a little strained.
I slowly exhaled, trying to control myself. If I ruined this, the best friendship of my life, over something as stupid as asking for a one-night stand, I was going to launch myself out of the airlock. ‘Look… we’re never going to see each other again, right?’
‘In fairness, Rocky never see Grace ever,’ he pointed out.
It made me laugh. ‘True. I just meant…’
‘Know what Grace mean.’ He tapped where we met, getting a good listen to the shape of me. ‘Feel like Grace have big question to ask.’
‘Yeah. I… look, you can say no, and please don’t think I’m putting any sort of pressure on you, but we’ve got pretty close, and -’
‘Out with it,’ Rocky demanded.
‘Fine! D-d’you want to… hook up?’ I asked, going so red it’s a wonder my head didn’t explode.
Rocky gave one of his sweet chuckles. ‘Rocky was wondering if Grace ever going to ask,’ he said, sounding thrilled.
‘Wait - you want..?’
‘Yes, yes want!’ he pushed against the barrier, making me inch back. ‘Want for long time, not know how to ask, Grace make such point of mentioning human partners and mating, think Grace species very reserved, but then watch Friends…’
‘Don’t tell me Friends is your reference point for hookup culture?’ I groaned.
‘Yes, characters have many partners, sometimes serious and sometimes not. Like on Erid! And Grace right, this our last night.’ He gave a soft purr and tapped the barrier again. ‘Would like to share with Grace, as much as possible.’
My heart was thundering in my chest. I daren’t wait a second longer. I turned, grabbed the ball as much as I could, and planted a kiss right where Rocky’s carapace touched the other side. I expected a wail and much crying of disgust! but there was none. What there was instead, was a steady vibration from Rocky that went straight to my core. I kissed the ball frantically, pressing my body against it, parting my legs to try and shove everything I had up against it.
‘Yes, yes Grace, more kisses, more mouth,’ Rocky trilled, tapping and vibrating and trying to arrange himself against the curved edges. ‘Want to remember all Grace’s feelings.’
‘Uh huh,’ I breathed, already warm against the xenonite. I leaned back to pull my shirt off, and Rocky purred harder.
‘Remove barrier, need to hear all of Grace.’ He pressed two claws against the xenonite. ‘Can hear Grace heart beating so loud, see blood flowing to face and reproductive organ.’
‘Jesus,’ I huffed out. ‘How - how can we do this… I want to touch you, but…’
Rocky shook slightly. ‘Grace touch self. Rocky touch self. Is not best, but…’
‘Fudge, ok,’ I gasped, standing up and trying to kick off my flight suit whilst I still had my shoes on. My brain had entirely logged off - I was running on some sexual autopilot that was afraid this might stop if I didn’t hurry up and get on with it immediately.
Rocky rotated the ball, knocking it about so the textured exchange panel was facing the floor without touching it. Then he took up a determined position, and stroked a claw over the underside of his carapace. He shuddered as he did so, letting out a garbled sound that the translator didn’t know what to do with.
‘Oh god,’ I breathed, finally naked and utterly exposed. My dick was aching, and the sight of Rocky touching at himself was making my toes curl (in my socks, I’d left them on for some reason). ‘Rock, is that how you…’
‘No science, just sex,’ Rocky insisted. ‘Grace sex organ engorged, touch self for Rocky. Say how it ffffffeeeellll….’ his words stretched out as his claw stuttered against himself. I could just make out the finest string of something silvery extending from his carapace to his fingers.
Heat flared through me. I spat into my hand and began to stroke my cock, not even bothering to drag it out or put on a show. ‘Rocky…’
‘Yes, touch,’ Rocky choked out. More silvery liquid was dripping out of him now. ‘How feel, question? Describe.’
‘It’s…’ I kept my hand moving, watching Rocky stroke his underside, which seemed to be splitting open. ‘It’s soft skin, over - over hard tissue, and… full of nerve endings, so feels… really good. God, what are you… are you…?’
‘Rocky feel good good good,’ he said, trembling further. ‘Feel… good inside, when see Grace. Wanted touch Grace… can only touch self.’
I made a frustrated sound through my teeth and went towards the exchange panel. Heat wasn’t exactly radiating from it, but it was hot. I pressed my hand against it anyway. ‘Come here,’ I panted. ‘Let me touch you.’
Rocky let out a jet of steam, and scrambled over, trying to position himself over the panel. I pushed against it, ignoring the hot temperature, up as far as it could stretch, until my fingertips brushed against his opening seam.
I moaned at the softness of it.
Rocky shrieked, dropping down and almost breaking my fingers in an effort to get closer. ‘Graaaaaaaace!’
‘Yes, yes, that’s it, Rock,’ I said. ‘Let me touch you, so soft inside, you’re so good for me…’ I was saying utter nonsense, but it didn’t matter.
‘Grace touch, Grace touch inside,’ Rocky stuttered out, rocking back and forth on my fingertips. I could feel the slick slide of whatever he had in there, and my cock was aching to press into it, even if it would have meant certain death.
I gripped at my own arousal and thrust into my fist. I was sweating, a complete mess, and Rocky wasn’t letting up with his grinding on my hand.
‘Do you orgasm?’ I let out in a rush of breath. ‘Do - do Eridians come?’
‘Yes, yes, sexual cliiiiimaaaaxxxxx,’ Rocky tried to explain, bearing down on my fingers and riding my hand so much the burn was getting too difficult to bear. ‘Soon soon soon, need more Grace, more!’
I had to withdraw my hand - it was either that or start to blister. Rocky wailed at the loss of contact, tapping at the ball to see where I’d gone. ‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘it’s so hot. In lots of ways. Ha…’
Rocky skittered about, the silvery drips running from him in a single line of what looked like thin saliva.
‘Now who’s leaky,’ I pointed out.
‘Is why Grace so indecent all time!’ he said. ‘Always leak, always leak like ready to mate…’ He vibrated hard against the barrier. ‘Grace give touch back!’
I couldn’t deny him. But my hand was still aching. I grabbed the ball to steady myself, steeled myself against regret, and thrust my cock up into the exchange panel.
Rocky squealed. It’s the only way to describe it. ‘Yes, put sex organ in Rocky seam! More, Grace!’
The panel was stretched to its limit, but the tip of my dick brushed against the fierce heat of Rocky’s dripping seam, and I knew I was almost done for. A couple of thrusts, and Rocky grinding on my dick in a rush of heated arousal, tipped me over the edge. I grabbed the ball and moaned hard as my orgasm smashed into me. Not caring for mess or fluids, I shoved my hand where my cock had been and thrust frantically into Rocky, who let off a great blast of steam from his carapace, a gush of mercury from his underside, and finally his legs gave out and he lay on the floor of the ball, twitching and oozing and utterly wrecked.
That had been what we thought was our last night together.
Truthfully, it had made saying goodbye both easier and more difficult. I wished we hadn’t left it so long to act on something we both clearly wanted. But I was glad we’d finally got together and enjoyed something that united both of our cultures and feelings.
And then, after the taumoeba leak and me turning around to go rescue him, things had been more than a little awkward between Rocky and me.
I kept catching him tapping to hear me better and he absolutely caught me staring at him and giving what were probably gross googly-eyed sighs in his direction.
Fortunately, there’s only so much sexual tension a tin-can spaceship can stand, and eventually Rocky asked me outright if that night had been a one off, or did I ever think about doing it again.
By that time, I was properly falling, and it only took a few weeks of not so casual sex for me to own up. Rocky followed suit immediately, and those few honeymoon-like months were the best in my life.
Bar the food.
Since then, the xeno-suit had been invented (Rocky declared it would be a million times better once we reached Erid and he had access to better tools), and getting ourselves off whilst the other one watched had turned into actually getting each other off. Eventually, whilst there were no witnesses, I decided I had to ask him if he’d thought about making things official, and me being his husband. Or mate, as we settled on. Captains of ships can officiate marriages, I remembered, so we did a very quick wedding in the lab, for the sake of formality, followed by what Rocky described as a traditional Eridian mating practice. He laid three eggs that night, and slept for a solid twelve hours.
We’d agreed that we’d break the news of our relationship gently, to the Eridian populace. It was one thing to bring an alien home, another to have fucked it, and something else entirely to have taken it as your mate when you were already married. I was not looking forward to the reception that news was going to have, but I wouldn’t have denied it for the world.
If Rocky had been standing beside me.
Which, right then, he wasn’t going to be.
And I wasn’t an idiot - I knew that declaring myself to be the mistress, whilst Rocky was unconscious beside me, was very much asking for trouble. So, given that we hadn’t made an emergency plan for what might happen in this particular scenario, I decided the best thing to do would be to fall back on our Best Friend routine, and hope to the stars that everything would be alright in the end.
*
I was dozing, when the radio crackled into life.
‘♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ship ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ identify’
I sat up sharply, knocking my water cup (thank god for lids) across the cockpit and grabbing the transmitter. I’d decided to send a short three note reply of meaningless tones, to acknowledge the transmission, before speaking.
There was a pause. Then, the message came again, more slowly: ‘Unknown ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ship ♪ ♫ ♩ please identify.’
Good enough. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath, and sang what Rocky had taught me into the mic. ‘Polite greeting, Planet Erid. Me name Grace. Me alien. Me have Engineer Rocky.’ I hoped that didn’t sound like a threat.
There was a flurry of static and unidentifiable sound on the other end of the line.
‘Alien ♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩ ♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩ Rocky ♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩ star mission ♩ ♬ ♪ ♫ ♩ question?’
Good grief, Rocky really had been dumbing down his speech for me. I felt like a complete idiot. ‘Me hear bad,’ I tried to explain. ‘Speak Erid bad, apology.’
Silence came then, and it lasted for a good twenty seconds. I began to think they’d hung up on me.
‘Polite greeting, alien ship,’ came a new set of tones, much less layered and more careful than before. I understood it perfectly. ‘You are with Engineer Rocky from the star-saving mission, question?’
‘Yes!’ I whistled back, delighted.
‘Why Rocky not speak to us, question?’
Ah. ‘Rocky… sick,’ I said, hating that I couldn’t explain further. ‘Bad time sleep. Make better.’
‘Understand. How many aliens are on your ship, visitor?’
Visitor! I liked that. ‘Grace on ship,’ I sang. ‘And Rocky. No other.’
The radio squawked. ‘Repeat, query? Grace is your name, question?’
‘Yes.’
‘And Grace alone on ship with Engineer Rocky?’
‘Yes.’
There was another pause. I resisted the urge to say more. Clearly there was some sort of behind the scenes discussion going on. At least we could all understand each other! I’d been foolish to worry about it, clearly.
‘Grace is Captain of alien ship, question?’ Came a confused sounding song.
How to answer this one. Yes, technically? No, not originally? ‘Grace do Captain work,’ I settled on.
‘Alone, question? For how long, question?’
Oh god, where was my number chart? I’d left it down in the lab! I frantically forced my brain to think in Eridian numbers. ‘+λℓ Erid years,’ I said. God, I hoped that was right.
‘How old Grace, question?’ Came a very quick response.
Depends who you ask, I thought glumly. But that didn’t help. ‘II++ℓ Erid years,’ I said. Forty Earth years. That would have to be accurate from now on.
The silence that followed this was the longest so far. What were they talking about? How long the journey had taken, probably. I was gleefully looking forward to explaining relativity to them.
Oh, shit! Wait…
‘Grace have star-eater answer!’ I blurted down the line. Rocky had told me to mention it straight away. ‘Grace Rocky save stars - have star-eater answer!’
The line was picked up immediately by the first speaker. ‘♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ star-eater ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ mission ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ good ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪ question?’
‘No understand,’ I sighed.
‘Grace, we are very happy,’ the second speaker took over again. ‘Can you pilot your ship to the ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ ♪, question?’
‘Yes, need math,’ I replied, expecting the unknown word to be the space elevator.
‘We will send signal to your ship, please wait and then follow the beacon.’
I sat back in my chair, suddenly exhausted. I’d done it. I’d made first contact with the rest of Erid, and told them about the taumoeba.
Everything was going to be fine.