Chapter Text
He’s gonna do it.
This time he swears to God he’s gonna do it.
Chris is sleeping over at Pepa’s since Eddie has an early shift tomorrow morning. And Buck just showed up with a case of beers and a promise that he found a perfect film for them to watch, so he’s now standing in the kitchen doing God knows what and Eddie is gonna do it.
“So, uhm, Buck,” he says, walking in, staring at the tank of a man that’s standing there and Eddie wants to be smothered by him so bad he might lose his mind.
“Yeah?” He turns around, a big smile on his face and a couple of pre-baked cookies in his hands. “Be right there, I just thought I’d make us some snickerdoodles!”
“That– yeah, sounds great, but I have to tell you something.”
“Oh?” He puts down the batter and licks his thumb. “Oh, sorry, I promise I’m not licking things I put in the oven, I’ll wash my hands before I–”
“Buck,” he cuts him off, staring at him with big wide pleading eyes. “It’s kind of important.”
Buck’s demeanor visibly changes, he looks now definitely worried. “Is everything ok?”
“Yeah, I just, well, I think– no, I know, I’m in– uhm, you know how I–I’m gay?”
Buck’s eyes nearly jump out of their sockets. “If I know that– what?” He titters, feeling out of air. “No, what? I don’t know that, I don’t– you can’t– you’re not– you never–”
“You didn’t know?” Eddie asks with a gentle voice.
Buck gapes for what feels like hours, trying to find something to say. “How could I possibly know?”
“I didn’t think I was hiding it.”
“Eddie, you can’t be gay,” his voice sounds like a plea, he even puts his hands together in front of his face as if he were praying.
Eddie frowns. “Why the hell not?”
“No, no, oh my god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, what I meant is I’m proud of you! And I’m so glad you figured this out about yourself, I love y– that for you.”
“Mhm, thanks?”
“Sorry, I was weird.”
“It’s fine, but explain to me why I can't be gay.”
“Eddie,” he pleads.
“Tell me.”
“I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”
“Well, tough luck, explain.”
“No, it’s just– because, if you’re gay that means– that means I’d be in love with you, and I can’t be in love with you, you’re my best friend and you’re straight, see? You’re my straight best friend.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You don’t wanna be my best friend anymore?” He asks, almost heartbroken.
“Are you saying you don’t want us to be more than friends?”
“I’m not– I didn’t– w-when was that even on the table?”
“I’m putting it on the table, nailing it to the table right now, look at it, right here in the middle of the table, and I’m leaving it there and it’s gonna stay nailed to the table through every breakfast and lunch and dinner for the rest of our lives until you answer me.”
“W–what was the question?”
“Are you or are you not in love with me?”
“What?” It comes out high pitched. “I should go,” he moves towards the exit, but not fast enough to beat Eddie who immediately gets in between him and the door.
“We’re talking.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“So you’re saying you’re not in love with me?”
“So you’re saying you’re not straight?" He counters, looking at him all haughty as if he’s caught Eddie in highlights and that question will win him the argument.
Eddie looks at him completely perplexed. “Yeah, that’s literally what I’m saying”
Buck gapes. “I– well, ok, so, uhm, then that’s what I’m saying too.”
“Oh, ok,” he moves out of the way. “Then, uhm, go on.”
Buck seems puzzled at the sudden sorrowfulness in Eddie’s voice. “Wait no, what– what just happened?”
“It’s ok, Buck,” he says, definitely feeling not ok, feeling more like an open wound. He goes to the counter where the unbaked snickerdoodles are, doing his best not to look at Buck, trying with every bone in his body not to cry.
“I’m so confused, I– did I mess up? Did you not want me to be in love with you?”
Eddie frowns and turns to look at him, Buck looks so despondent, with his big blue puppy eyes and a hint of a pout on his lips. “Am I having a stroke?”
“I– I don’t know.”
Eddie sighs, running his hands through his hair. “Ok, forget all that, I think I overcomplicated things, let’s start over.”
Buck nods and takes one step forward, then another one, until he’s close enough to kiss, just in case things go north. “Yes, right, so, what I-I meant to say i-is–” he clears his throat, trying to get rid of the incessant shakiness of his voice. “I-I, Evan Buckley, I’m in love w-with you, Eddie Diaz.”
Eddie giggles for some reason.
“And now you really need to say something because I’m lowkey panicking and if I misread the situation I’m–”
Before he gets to the end of his sentence, Eddie launches himself forward, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck, and pushing his lips against Buck’s.
The sudden motion and the strength with which Eddie does it causes Buck to stumble backwards, taking a couple of stabilizing steps before his back hits some surface and he’s able to steady himself, and then he allows himself to kiss back. His hands find their way to Eddie’s waist, pulling him in so their torsos melt together, his fingers venturing underneath Eddie’s shirt, pressing so vehemently they could bruise.
Eddie tugs at the messy curls on the back of Buck’s head, and he opens up his mouth, an invitation for Buck to go deeper, to kiss him senseless, to steal every speck of air Eddie’s managed to take in. He’d give it all to Buck, he’d allow Buck to steal every last bit of oxygen and sanity Eddie’s got left.
Once they’re bereft of air, Eddie starts kissing Buck’s jawline, peppering soft kisses all over it, down to his neck, every spot he manages to reach.
“I love you,” he whispers in Buck’s ear before nibbling at his earlobe.
He feels the way Buck shivers and tightens the grip on his waist, so he smiles.
But then Buck is clearing his throat and freeing himself from Eddie’s enclosure.
“And I love you,” he says as he pecks Eddie on his temple. “I-I need to, uhm, I need to- to get the first b-batch out of the oven,” he stammers, walking away from Eddie, who stares at him with furrowed brows and a weirded out smile.
“What happened?”
“Uh? Nothing, I just– I know how much you like snickerdoodles so I don’t want them to end up all chalky and crumbly," he doesn’t turn around, he’s still facing the oven, very pointedly not facing Eddie.
“Alright,” he smiles wide and walks up to him, feeling as if he might combust if he’s not touching Buck, he wraps his arms around his waist from behind and rests his head against his shoulder. “I’ll wait.”
Buck’s breathing noticeably grows faster, but then he manages a swift movement: he grabs one of Eddie’s hands that’s currently resting on his chest, and passes it over his head just as he turns himself around, and then passes those same intertwined hands over Eddie’s head, in a way in which he’s now got one arm around his shoulders, that is, they’re side by side.
Eddie looks at him with big, starry eyes, deeply blushing cheeks, and red, wet lips, Buck’s never seen him looking so damn beautiful, which is saying a lot. He brushes his nose against Eddie’s, and then starts walking, his arm still resting around Eddie’s shoulders, their hands still intertwined, and Eddie still looks at him like he wants to eat him whole.
“Why don’t you find something for us to watch, uh? And I’ll be here in a minute.”
“You said you wanted us to watch some movie,” he mutters, not looking away from Buck’s lips.
“So get it started.”
“You didn’t tell me what it's called.”
“I– right, uhm,” he sits Eddie down on the couch. “You’ll figure it out,” he bolts back to the kitchen without a second look.
Within five seconds Eddie’s getting up and walking right behind him.
“What are you doing?”
Buck, who’s facing the oven again and muttering something underneath his breath, whimpers and turns around. “Snickerdoodles.”
Despite the weirdness of it all, Eddie smiles at him, beaming with his rosy cheeks and his sparkling eyes, that’s his weird guy, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
Eddie chuckles. “Why are you so jittery?”
“Me? No, no, no jitteriness here.”
“Uh-uh,” he nods and walks closer, and he can tell that only makes Buck all the more jittery. “Are you ok?”
Buck sighs, tittering. “See, in the span of ten minutes my best friend came out to me,” he counts with his fingers as he rattles off. “Told me he’s in love with me, we kissed, and I figure we’re in a relationship now, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier, I also don’t think my brain’s ever ran this fast, I might need a minute to– like, wrap my head around it and fully believe this is real.”
Eddie giggles again. He can’t help it, he’s too damn giddy. “Ok, can I help?”
“Yes, yes, my love,” he grabs Eddie’s hand and starts walking back to the living room, dragging him along. “My dear Eddie, my– oh my god, my boyfriend, right? Are we together now? You wanna be with me? Is that what happened?”
Eddie’s smile grows impossibly wider. “I would love that, yeah.”
Buck smiles. “Yes, great, awesome, my beloved boyfriend, you can help, you can help by sitting on the couch and just– give me a minute”
He sits Eddie down back on the couch, and Eddie all but pouts, but he sees the way Buck is nearly vibrating out of his skin and the way he moves like he’s being set on fire and the way he talks like he’s being chased, so he complies. “Fine.”
“Thank you,” he leaves a kiss on the top of Eddie’s head and goes back to the kitchen.
Eddie falls back on the sofa, fully lying on it, staring at the ceiling while beaming so wide his face could split in two. He rests both hands on his belly and starts rubbing it. It’s flapping, it’s like butterflies flapping their wings but instead of butterflies they’re dragons and they’re turning his insides upside down and it’s the absolute best feeling he’s ever experienced.
And he’s also kind of growing in his pants.
Which might be absurd because he knows they did nothing but kissing, but he feels so damn pent up, like his bloodstream carries nothing but electricity that shocks him every time Buck’s nearby. Like he could flame up just with a single glance.
That’s something else he never experienced before– desire. Never like this. Never in his life did he think he’d be out of breath just by the mere idea of being touched, but as those thoughts flood his brain he just keeps burning up. He doesn’t think he’ll survive not being touched.
Which is one of the many reasons his heart goes crazy inside his chest as Buck comes back several minutes later, a tray of snickerdoodles in his right hand and a couple of beers in his left one.
“Alright.” Buck says as he sets everything down on the coffee table. “See? Now I’m settled.”
“I’m glad.” Eddie smiles, letting his left leg fall from the couch and pushing the right one far against the backrest, spreading his legs open so there’s room for Buck to sit.
Buck sits down, and Eddie immediately lifts his left leg and rests it on Buck’s lap, at the same time he bends his right leg up and presses it against Buck’s back, entrapping him in between his legs.
Buck’s eyes open wide as he realizes, he gulps and very slowly places his hands on Eddie’s leg, as to pretend he doesn’t feel any particular way about the enclosement.
“Feed me,” Eddie mutters, pleading bedroom eyes.
“I–” Buck gapes, his brain short circuiting at the request.
“Snickerdoodle?”
“Uh? Sni– right, yes, yes, we have those, we– right,” he stammers, out of air.
“Please?”
“Mhm, yes, of course, I can– I will– I should– ugh,” he leans forward to reach for it, holding on to Eddie’s leg so it remains in its place.
Eddie closes his eyes, it’s so damn unserious the fact that he’s losing his mind just over Buck’s fingers grasping his thigh.
As Buck picks one snickerdoodle, he sits back up and half turns, stretching out his arm so it’s right in front of Eddie’s face.
Eddie giggles and takes a bite, never breaking eye contact, never looking away from Buck, not to look at his trembling hand holding the cookie, not to look at his rising chest, he solely focuses on his blown out eyes and his teeth nibbling at his lower lip.
As he takes a second bite, with his legs still around Buck, he sits up, his hands quickly finding their way around Buck’s neck, like he’s climbing him, finally climbing him.
Buck silently gasps and drops the cookie.
“It’s really good,” Eddie whispers, just a couple of inches from his face. “Wanna taste it?”
Buck gulps, staring at Eddie’s lips like they’re the apple that cursed Eve, like he’s being tempted beyond reason and good judgement.
Then again, Buck’s never praised himself for being reasonable.
He slowly nods, tightening his grip on Eddie’s thigh, and before he knows it Eddie’s pushing their lips together, and Buck opens his mouth as an invitation, despite being bereft of air, despite his hammering heart inside his chest, despite his brain trying to tell him this is a bad idea.
It doesn’t take a lot of effort for Eddie to straddle Buck, seeing as he already sort of had his legs around him. So he moves his body until he’s on top of Buck, astride, and he kisses him viciously, his lips moving like he’s trying to bruise him, his fingers vehemently sinking into his hair.
Buck’s hands quickly hold on to Eddie’s back, unwittingly roving underneath his shirt, so tightly Eddie feels as he leaves scratch marks on his skin. Eddie smiles amidst the kiss and slowly rolls his hips as he tries to impossibly deepen the kiss.
Suddenly, Buck further wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist, and with a swift movement he rolls him onto the couch, both of them end up lying there, facing each other. However, Buck shifts, untangling himself from Eddie and lying on his back next to him, staring at the ceiling while Eddie just frowns and looks at him.
“Why?” He asks, trying to catch his breath.
Buck is panting, gulping and licking his lips, squeezing his eyes shut as if he’s trying to ground himself. “We– uhm, we– we should– uhm, watch.”
“Watch?”
“The movie.”
Eddie’s brows furrow even further. ”What?”
“Yeah, uhm, or– here, I’ll put it on,” he starts to feel around, looking for the remote without getting up, very pointedly not touching Eddie.
Eddie gets it from underneath his head, where it’s pressing against his nape. He props his head up with one hand, staring at Buck, and that’s when he realizes Buck’s eyes are closed. So he places the remote on Buck’s chest.
“Thanks,” his voice still quivers. “Do you want to?”
Eddie lifts his free hand and gently outlines Buck’s nose, hoping he’ll open his eyes. He doesn't. “Want to…?”
Buck’s breath shivers and he slowly bends his knees up towards his body. “Like, watch the movie? Or are you tired? You’re tired, I should go.”
Eddie stares at him in pure confusion, and Buck must somehow feel Eddie’s relentless stare because he opens up his eyes, finally meeting Eddie’s.
“You’re gonna go?”
And, see, this is why Buck had to close his eyes to begin with, because he’s a weak man. He doesn’t have it in him to look at Eddie’s face and willingly walk away, in eight years of friendship he never found out how to turn away from the sculpture of a man he has for best friend, he just latches on to him like a lamprey to its prey, and he knows that when it comes to Eddie he tends to be clingy and desperate but how the hell could he not? That’s Eddie! Buck would attach himself to Eddie via any chirurgical procedure if it wasn’t a liability on the job.
So how could he look at Eddie and gather enough strength to leave? Eddie, who right now has glassy eyes and crimson red cheeks and lips that are swallowing up and so damn wet and Buck just– he’s completely devoted and powerless. He knows that, yet he opens his eyes, because he loves looking at his damn pretty face.
“I–” he still hasn’t managed to recover his breath, he pants. “No?”
Eddie smiles and lies back down, curling up against Buck’s body. “Alright.”
Buck wraps his arms around Eddie, hugging him close, just enough to simmer down.
“So should I–”
“Play the damn movie.”
Buck nods and with his free hand he manages to do so. However, Eddie doesn’t shift, he remains snuzzled against Buck’s chest. So Buck pauses the movie barely two seconds in.
“See, you’re tired, you’re not even facing the screen.”
Eddie giggles and softly presses a kiss to Buck’s chest, not moving from that position as he speaks. “I like looking at you.”
Buck smiles wide, his heart trying to break free of his chest. “But the movie has special effects.”
“I don’t like special effects.”
“Not even if they’re crappy? Say, like the Ewok movies.”
Eddie finally looks up. “Those are great.”
“I know.”
“Alright, uhm, so I’m gonna–” he aims for a shift of his position.
“Wait, wait!” Buck says with a bit of urgency to it. “What are you doing?”
“Turning?”
“Y-you want me to– to cuddle you?”
“Uhm, yeah? Or do you want me to cuddle you?”
“No, no, it’s– either way it’s, uhm, it’s the same to me.”
“Or– do you want us to sit up?”
Buck shoots a quick look down, to the space that’s in between their bodies now, pondering.
“Uhm, no I– I can– yeah, turn.”
Eddie frowns for a moment, he definitely did not expect that to trigger some sort of internal debate for Buck.
“You sure? We can sit up, it’s no problem, we don’t even really fit in here.”
“No, no, it’s fine, turn.”
Eddie hesitantly does. He notices Buck’s hands slightly shaking as they hold him by the waist, so he throws his head back a little and smiles at him, trying to comfort him.
“I love you.” He says, smiling.
Buck giggles and leans down, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips, and Eddie nearly breaks his back but he bends backwards enough to be able to feel it entirely, enough to be able to chase Buck’s lips and kiss him again, longer this time, and Eddie can feel the grasp on his waist tightening and pulling him in until they’re completely pressed against each other, which Eddie completely embraces by pressing himself further into the touch.
And it’s just a moment before Buck pulls back and clears his throat.
“You’re right, we should sit up.”
“We should?”
“Y-yeah, I–” he swallows, “I, uhm, I already opened the beers, we can’t drink them if we’re lying here.”
Eddie nods. “Right, we can’t.”
Buck nods too, and he sits up, bringing Eddie up with him. Eddie stares at him attentively, the way he leans forward and his arm flexes while reaching for both bottles of beer, the way he opens them, and Eddie would question him about that but he doesn’t really care, he’s too lost in every movement Buck makes, and he can’t help but wonder what would it taste like if he were to run his tongue all over Buck’s body, every sweaty little corner he manages to reach, to bite, to touch. He gets so lost in that thought that he even feels himself starting to pant.
“Here,” he hands him the open beer. And all Eddie can do is try to catch his breath and stare at him with bedroom eyes and parted lips and rosy cheeks, he feels like a mess.
“Thanks,” he manages to whisper as he grabs the bottle.
And Buck is not even looking at him. Buck looks down at his own lap and fidgets with his bottle of beer, completely flushed and flustered.
“Buck,” he calls after a moment, looking at him with big, brown eyes.
“Mhm?” He looks up in a heartbeat.
“Are you– uhm, are you sure about this?”
“About what?”
“Us, like, being a couple.”
Buck’s eyes open wide, a little panicky. “What? Yes, I– you are not?”
“I am,” he rushes to clarify. “I just wanna make sure you are.”
“Of course I am! Why– why are you asking me? Did I do something?” He asks with a guilty tone that only breaks Eddie’s heart.
“No! No, of course not, you’re great, you’re the best partner I’ve had and we’ve been together for like, thirty minutes, but I– the thing is I’m really sure about this, really, I see us going all the way, like, death do us part, or not, not even death, I just wanna make sure you do too.”
Buck smiles, sparkling all over. “I want nothing more.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Good,” he nods and leans forward, kissing him again, softly. “Then play the movie.”
Buck licks his lips, desperately trying to find any remaining trace of Eddie. He reaches for the remote and they finally get to watch the movie.
Eddie moves his arm to the backrest, like he usually does, but this time Buck responds by snuggling up to him, resting his head against his chest. Eddie smiles wide and sinks his hand into Buck’s curls, gently petting him.
“When you said a movie we both would love,” Eddie starts after a few minutes, softly nudging Buck’s arm, “Did you mean a movie I would love?”
“Why?” He asks with a bit of a hoarse voice.
Eddie chuckles. “Because you’re asleep and I can’t see how you would love this movie, I do, but I’m sure you don’t.”
“Mhm,” he snuggles closer, his arms tightening around Eddie’s torso, hugging him. “I love all the movies you love.”
“You absolutely don’t.”
“I love them if they make you happy,” he mumbles with his cheek pressed against Eddie’s chest.
Eddie feels warm all over, he needs to be closer, he doesn’t know how, he’s just hit with an intense urge to merge together.
“They don’t make me happy, you make me happy.”
Buck straightens himself up, just enough to be able to look at Eddie’s face. “Well, I didn’t know that when I first got here,” he says with a teasing smile.
“I’m sorry.”
Buck frowns. “For what?”
Eddie softly strokes Buck’s arm, slowly up his bicep. “Dating or not, that’s something I should’ve let you know.”
Buck tilts his head. “I mean, I knew, as friends, but now I’m talking about this.”
“This?”
“This.”
Eddie nods and slowly leans forward, trying to catch Buck’s lips. Buck immediately closes his eyes, as if bracing for impact, and then their mouths finally collide, their lips barely caressing one another, gentle and careful. And just as they’re picking up the pace, as their hands get involved and some soft noises escape their throats, Buck pulls away.
“I-I am sleepy tho, we– we should, uhm, like, get some, uh-”
“Some?”
“Sleep.”
“Right, sleep.”
“Yeah, we got, we have an early shift.”
“Alright,” he sighs. “Let’s go to sleep.”
“Let’s get you to bed.”
“Mhm,” Eddie nods, gently cupping Buck’s face and pecking him on the lips one last time. “Love you.”
Buck’s ear-tips burn red as he softly caresses Eddie’s lower back, he feels himself going speechless at the contact.
Eddie grabs a couple snickerdoodles as he stands up. “Love these.”
“Sorry about the one I dropped,” he says as he stands up. “I’ll get rid of the crumbles.”
“That’s ok, let’s go,” he grabs Buck’s hand and starts walking him to the bedroom.
“Uhm, Eds.”
“Yeah?”
“I– I think– I should take the couch.”
Eddie stops dead in his tracks and turns to face him. “Why?”
“I– I just– I should really clean up out here.”
“But that can wait.”
“No, I know, I just– uhm, well, I just think I– I should, like, take the couch.”
Eddie sighs, but he gives in. If Buck, for whatever reason, wants to sleep on the couch, Eddie feels like that’s not a boundary he gets to push, he might not like it at all, but he respects it. So he nods.
“All right, see you in the morning,” he reaches up to kiss his cheek, slowly, softly squeezing his arm as he does. Buck closes his eyes so as to get lost in that touch, for however long it lasts.
“Sleep tight, I love you.”
Eddie pulls away and smiles at him. “And I love you.”
He takes a couple steps backwards before disappearing down the hallway and into his room. It’s ok. They’ll figure it out. They’ll be just fine.