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Steven stared down at the planner he was currently busying himself with, going over his mental list of tasks for the umpteenth time—he really should just write that down at this point. He’d barely been in the past for two days but was already certain he’d managed to fuck something up. (Typical,) (Shut up.) And even if he somehow hadn’t, it was only a matter of time.
So he had to figure this out as soon as possible.
If he had a timeline to go off of, he wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally saying something he shouldn’t or interfering with anything crucial!
Calendars! Who doesn’t love ‘em?
(Alright, if Garnet’s wedding was here…and the election was there, then—)
A sudden tap to his shoulder snapped him away from his thoughts and in a split-second Steven had whirled off his chair, his shield manifesting poised between him and…wait.
“Um…good morning?” His past-self ventured; confusion and guilt dampened the child’s demeanor, making him appear smaller than he already was.
Steven swallowed his own spike of regret, letting his shield fall and shaking his hands to dismiss the excess energy. He retook his seat at the island with an awkward laugh.
“Um, sorry about—” they both stopped, staring at themselves.
“Stars, this is weird,” Steven—the older Steven—said at the exact moment baby Steven exclaimed, “JINX!”
The two promptly dissolved into a fit of giggles.
Older Steven was the first to speak, “Ah geez *snort* alright, um…yeah,” his gaze darted to the window, “Morning it is!” He clapped as he spoke with (overbearing) enthusiasm. (Tone it down.) “Heh. So—what’s up?”
“You mean other than these handsome gentlemen?” The boy said, batting his eyelashes coyly, which earned a smirk from his future counterpart.
“Well, that’s obvious,” he said with a swift flick of his hair, “So yeah, other than us.”
The kid’s smile fell into a contemplative frown, eyeing the floor. (Wow, Steven, what did you do this time?) He hesitantly pulled out his own stool to join him at the counter, still avoiding eye contact.
Hunched over his hands folded on the surface, he spoke, “I’m sorry about earlier…I didn’t mean to scare you.”
(Oh.)
“Oh.”
The immediate urge to placate was cut off by the smaller Steven once again speaking up, “But—um…also—there’s a reason wanted to get your attention.” He turned his head further away, wringing his hands nervously.
…
(He’s waiting on you, so say something!)
“Oh.”
(Is that all you say now??)
…
Tiny Steven dared a glance at the time-traveling-doppelganger sitting dumbly in his kitchen. Seemingly not finding anything discouraging (or simply nothing worth wasting his time) he steeled himself: steepling his hands and fixing his posture before locking eyes with his future self. Taking a deep breath, he dove in.
“I want to know about Pink Diamond.”
...
“Do you know anything about her? Like—”
(Uh—)
“—who she really was?”
…
“I—I just—um, I know she was bad and I know Mom shattered her—but there has to be more to it!”
(You could say that again.)
“Because Bismuth—”
(—hot, fire, your feet are burning—lava; lava’s flowing all around you— (what if you fall in) —crying; crying all around you—)
“—but Rose can just do whatever she wants???”
(—singing, laughing, crying— She always did what she wanted!)
(Was anyone ever like her?!)
“—and—even shattered gems are never truly gone—”
(She’s GONE.)
“So then was Rose ever even really like everyone always says she was!?”’
(—rain, soggy noodles, war crimes. I just want to know the real you.) (—stories, Dad, songs, Mom— I'm... not... a real person...)
(Was she even like her?!)
(—stories, lies, Garnet, hope—
(Rose Quartz?! Rose... Quartz?!... You met Rose Quartz?!)
“—never tell me anything—”
(You guys know about Rose?) (I didn’t know that Rose Quartz was such a big deal!)
“—supposed to know anything—”
(Why can't you just talk to me about this!?)
(She was the Anti-Gem; an organic beast that burst out of Earth's crust and vowed to destroy all Gems— She was made from a vein of hyper-defective Quartz. A malformed Quartz gone haywire!
(Don't... be... silly... Rose... Quartz... isn't... real...)
“—know how I feel about any of this!!”
(—I don't know how to feel about you, but everyone else does.) (But what about you?!)
(—falling, dying, happy thoughts, Mom—
(Oh jeez, those emotions are complicated!)
(—I don't know if this is who you really are.)
“—I can't ask the gems; they care about her too much—”
(I had someone who was always there for me until she started hanging out with YOU! You wouldn't.) (Sometimes, you look so much like her. —knowing just what to keep hidden from everyone you're trying to protect. Everyone except me! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?! —any of her memories? (she’s gone) —wonder if she can see— (she’s gone) —through your eyes.) (On the battlefield—)
“—not that I—you—we, don't—”
(WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU, ROSE??!!!!!???) (Rose said... I'm perfect... the way I am!) (At least if I were in pieces, I wouldn't have to know how little I mattered to you...) (Okay, nobody's gonna say it? She kinda looked like Mom.” “Oh. Ohhh! That's why you were acting like such a goon!)
“They’re biased.”
(They wouldn’t understand.)
“—take for someone to deserve—”
(She was shattered by a Rose Quartz! The entire cut of Gem the same fate!” “But they were hers.) (Steven, please. You can't go. You must stay. You're all we have left of Pink.)
“—I need to know.”
(I’m not her, I’m not her, I’m not her—why can’t people ever see that—
(It's you...! Pink! Pink! There you are! Welcome home, Pink. She's back! Our Diamond—Pink, Pink! Pink Diamond, your presence is required. Pink Diamond— Please, call me Steven— Pink Steven— No, just Steven— Just Steven— Have a nice extraction, Pink Lasagna. I'm so glad you're back... Steven. Y- You actually said my name! You're so creative, Pink.)
(Yes, we know that you’re not her but you were hers…)
“—Pink Diamond—”
(Uhg, why are the Diamonds like that???) (You need to focus.) (Oh, come on, they’re trying.) (But why does that have to be my job.)
“—Mo—Rose—”
(Did you just make me, so you just wouldn't have to deal with your mistakes?!)
(You need to focus.)
(Still looking for a place to hang that painting of your mom? (—every time I'd see the painting hanging of you in the temple— reminded of how much I had to live up to you. Even thought about dying my hair pink.) After everything that's happened, I don't know if I still want her hanging over us, you know?)
(You need to do something— (what?) —fix something.)
“I need to understand—”
(Pink... Diamond? But... I don't understand.)
(He’s talking to you—you need to listen—) (Listen.)
(LISTEN!) (LISTEN!!!)
“Please.”
(He asked you something—a question—he asked you a question— (what was the question?) —you need to listen— (why don’t you listen??) —he needs an answer—you need to answer— (“I want to know about Pink Diamond”) —oh boy— (I just wish... I knew a little more about her.) (MY DIAMOND! YOUR DIAMOND!) —no you don't. Stars...
(Million-dollar question, huh?) (That's not helping.) (Jeez, tough crowd.)
...
(Well?) (I'm working on it.)
(Did Mom ever talk to you about... Pink Diamond? I thought disco was coming back, she started a war— (Totally comparable.) I want my own army! I want my own planet! I deserve it! (—hanging out with someone just like...me) But this is what you wanted— This Rose Quartz can't hurt you. (Well. I guess that's not exactly wrong—) (Not helping.) ...)
(Okay think, who was Pink Diamond, you can do this… Umm… Colony, earth; she owned the planet— (He already knows that—) (shit.) —okay, okay. Other things, got it. Um— (ur mom—) (OH GOD DON’T SAY THAT) —uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh)
…
Steven’s mouth hung open a moment, primed to say something, but with nothing to say.
(C’mon, say something.
(He’s staring at you, say something!)
“…your mom.”
“…what?”