Chapter Text
Introducing Buck to Sophia was a mistake.
They’d been helping her move in.
Eddie had thought it would be nice, you know? Introduce his sister to his best friend? God knows, it had been long enough. But then the moment Sophia had laid eyes on him, in his eight year old painting top and his pizza stained cut off shorts, she’d got this look in her eye, this predatory little glint like when she was young and trying to steal Eddie’s french fries, or in the plotting stages of a particularly stupid prank.
He’d have said something, to either of them, to Buck or Sophia, either of them, to stop
it before it started if he’d had even a second alone with either of them but he hadn’t. Instead he’d walked in on Sophia trailing her fingertips down Buck’s arm and asking him to dinner.
And Eddie had to stand and watch as Buck said yes.
So now he was sitting in his and Buck’s bedroom, watching Buck get ready for a date with his sister as if that was totally acceptable, totally fine, and trying not to have a panic attack about it. His mind was running a metric mile a minute, bombarding him with questions and what ifs and the awful awful image of Sophia and Buck with children that looked like Eddie and Buck and sounded like Eddie and Buck but Eddie wasn’t anything but an uncle to them, wasn't anything to Buck at all.
Buck was flapping around their shared bedroom changing in and out of shirts as if his life depended on him picking the right one.
What if he brought her back to spend the night and Eddie had to sleep on the couch while they fucked on the bed they shared? Buck wouldn’t do that. Would he?
“What about this?”
Eddie glanced over at him from where he was valiantly pretending to read and desperately reached for a tone approaching normal and hoping Buck didn’t notice, “I’m fairly sure that’s mine.”
Buck huffed and stripped it off again.
Eddie couldn’t say anything now, Buck was far too excited. Excited about a date with Eddie's sister.
Eddie wanted to vomit.
He’d been bouncing around like a human sized puppy during their last shift, to the point Hen had to get him working inventory on the ambulance with her in an attempt to keep him occupied. She usually kept Buck as far away from the ambulance as she could get him, some soreness from after the truck bombing where Buck was just a little overzealous with the clipboard, but for everyone's sake it was best to keep him busy when he was like that. And he loved helping Hen with her chores.
Eddie was just hoping it didn’t go well. Then he would feel bad about it because really Buck would be so good for Sophia, and Eddie could at least trust that Sophia wouldn't hurt Buck in return. She wasn't like Tommy or Ali or Abby. He couldn’t ever hate his sister like he’d hated Taylor and at least he knew Sophia wasn’t interested in him just because he’d died like Natalia had been.
Sophia was interested in all of him. She had made that perfectly clear.
She’d spent the entire time she was meant to be moving furniture following Buck around asking questions about his life instead. Eddie was fairly sure they’d even started playing truth or dare at one point. There was a lot of laughing and surprised exclamations anyway, and he'd heard Sophia telling her story about Marco getting his head stuck in a fence on prom night, one of her favorite tales. Marco was a bit of an idiot, and one of Sophia's oldest friends. If Eddie hadn't let all El Paso communication drift five years ago, he'd probably be Eddie's oldest friend too. Sophia had made it crystal clear that she was interested in everything Buck had to say, and Buck was reveling in it. Asking his own questions about Sophia, all the things Eddie should have been asking to catch up on her life.
He wasn't even really sure why she was moving to LA.
He’d largely been avoiding them after he’d walked in on his sister asking his best friend roommate Buck on a date. Just focusing on getting her all moved in so he could take Buck home.
They'd ended up staying for dinner anyway as Buck gave her a crash course in the best places to get take-out in LA.
His phone dinged in his pocket. Sophia. A hastily taken photo in a mirror in a dark blue dress, accompanied by an absolutely ungodly amount of question marks.
“What about this one?” Buck asked again. Eddie glanced up at him. It was his dusty pink button-up. Eddie liked that shirt; it matched the color of his birthmark, brought out the blue of his eyes.
“It’s good, Buck. You know that. Why are you asking me?”
Buck shot a goofy grin at him, and Eddie felt himself echo it automatically, “You’re here? Chris is busy.”
“Oh yeah? You often ask Chris for dating advice?”
“Well he’s better at it than you,” Buck shot back at him, buttoning up a top for the fourth time. “Maybe it’s the jeans, do you think I should wear slacks?”
Eddie sighed, sending a thumbs up at Sophia who had sent him another set of question marks when he hadn’t responded immediately, “I don’t know, Buck.”
Sophia replied with an emoji of a woman in a dress kicking her leg up, then a man sprinting, swiftly followed by a coffee cup emoji, which Eddie took to mean she was on her way. He was never fully sure with Sophia. Adriana used emojis like a normal person, to accent her messages with a smile or a frown, Sophia used them like hieroglyphics that needed a team of researchers to divine their meaning. She’d once sent him a frog emoji instead of her coffee order and was surprised when she got a latte instead of the matcha tea she thought the frog indicated.
“If this means she’s setting off, you’ve got half an hour.”
Buck sighed, smoothing down yet another shirt in the mirror. Eddie didn’t even know he had this many button downs.
“Whatever you choose will be fine, Buck. She’s already seen you at your most disgusting.”
Buck laughed, “Exactly, so now I have to show I can bring it and I’m not a disgusting slob all the time.”
Eddie rolled his eyes right as Buck’s phone went off, “That her?”
Buck tapped it off, shaking his head, “It’s the alarm for the pot roast.”
Eddie blinked in surprise.
“You’re cooking? You’re going out for dinner, I was gonna order pizza.”
“I know that, Eddie,” God, he would never get used to the myriad of ways his name could come out of Buck’s mouth. “I wanted Chris to have home cooked food on his one night home this weekend. You know he’s going to eat nothing but chips and dip at that sleepover at Anwar’s tomorrow, and Hen’s already told me she’s not cooking for six teenage boys so he’ll definitely 100% be having take out on Sunday.”
Buck’s love was so all encompassing. His sister deserved that too. Eddie wanted to cry. He settled for thanking Buck for pulling a meal together.
Buck just shrugged and said, “I like cooking for you guys. Makes me feel useful.”
He smoothed his shirt down once more time in the mirror before padding out of their bedroom in a pair of socks that Eddie was pretty sure also belonged to him.
The thing was, Eddie was fairly certain Buck had felt their relationship shift at the same time as Eddie did. But then why accept an invitation on a date? Now he was doubting that Buck had felt anything at all because if he had, why on earth would he say yes to a date with anyone? Let alone Eddie’s sister.
When Eddie had brought Chris home from Texas, it had been different. Felt different. Warmer maybe. He'd learned his lesson; to get what he wanted sometimes all he needed to do was ask, so he was trying to reach out more with everyone, to let himself ask for what he wanted. With Buck, Eddie wanted him closer. All the time. Eddie had started letting himself drift closer, letting himself reach out to bump their arms together, or sit thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder on the couch instead of on each end. Buck had moved closer in return, chasing warmth more. Something had shifted.
He’d thought it was clear, obvious that they were moving towards something, moving towards something bigger than what they were already, plain that they were just taking it slow, feeling it out, what it might be like for the two of them to be more than Buck and Eddie. To be BuckAndEddie. Like ChimAndMaddie. Or HenAndKaren. Or BobbyAndAthena. Buck going on a date of any kind with anyone put a wrench in that altogether, never mind the whole Eddie's sister thing. Eddie had thought it was obvious. That he didn’t need to say it out loud; Buck always knew what Eddie was thinking so why would this be any different?
He should have said something. And now he couldn’t do anything about it.
Eddie closed his eyes and lay his head back on the pillow.
Now he had to stay home while his sister and his best friend boyfriend partner Buck went on a date and they touched each other and kissed each other and then maybe Sophia would take him back to her brand new apartment and sleep with his Buck on her brand new bed that Buck had already been on because he helped build it. Because Eddie asked him to. Because Eddie had thought it was a good idea to introduce them.
Maybe Eddie should go out too. If that was how they were playing this. Maybe Eddie should go out to a bar and pick up a random stranger and bring them back to—
Eddie wanted to vomit.
He followed through to the kitchen where Buck was plating up the food, and poked his head round Christopher's door on the way. He was hunched over, staring intently at his computer screen with his headset on.
“Chris, food.”
“Be there in a minute, Dad.”
“Now Chris. Buck’s cooked, come on.”
Chris huffed but didn’t turn to look at him, “I can’t pause it, Dad, it’ll just be five minutes for us to finish this bit and then I can quit out.”
Eddie sighed and left him to it, probably giving him more leeway than he would’ve before the whole Kim—Running Away—Texas debacle, but as he walked away he heard him laugh and say 'no, it was just my Dad' so he kind of couldn't bring himself to care. Chris was a good kid and he deserved some leeway.
He'd come home in the end. He'd let Eddie be his Dad again.
Eddie arrived in the kitchen right as Buck was carving up the roast beef he'd prepared. He held some out on a fork and gestured for Eddie to try it.
Eddie leaned against the counter next to him and let Buck feed it into his mouth from the fork. “It’s good, moist,” Eddie said, after chewing.
“Don't say that word,” Buck quipped back at him, but he was flushed pink just like he always did when Eddie complimented his cooking.
“Okay,” Eddie said, grinning and bumping elbows with him. “It’s wet.”
Buck scrunched his nose up in disgust, laughing, pointing the fork at Eddie, “That’s worse.”
Then he tried a piece himself, using the same fork and why the fuck was he going on a date with Sophia when he was perfectly willing to share a fork with Eddie.
This whole thing was insane.
Eddie just chuckled, in some kind of futile effort to seem unbothered by Buck wrapping his lips round something that had just been in his mouth, “It’s good, Buck. Thank you.”
Buck ducked his head bashfully as he carved the meat, serving it onto two plates. Then, casual as anything, he swiped a knife down the middle of the meat slices. To make it easier for Chris to eat. Eddie had to turn away. Usually Buck’s easy and uncomplicated care filled him with warmth, but today it was just a twisting reminder of how he was losing him. To his own sister.
Chris arrived in the kitchen as Buck put their food down at the table and Eddie sat down to eat as the two of them gabbled their way through an update on the game Chris was playing with Denny. Eddie and Buck had played it over the internet with Chris during the pandemic, but Buck had apparently retained much more memory of that year than Eddie because while he could vaguely follow the plot of what they were talking about, not a single part of it sounded familiar.
Sophia blew into the house like she owned the place, a tornado of energy, pressing kisses into Chris’s hair and joining the conversation like she belonged with them, stealing bits of Eddie's side salad and laughing at Buck's jokes. Eddie’s mind shot back to her prom, the last and only time he’d properly seen her preparing for anything approximating a date. Her, Marco, Jenny, and Joshua had all gone together, but Eddie had always suspected it was a double date more than it was a simple friend outing. She’d been just like this. Excited and pleased everything was working out in her favor.
Eventually, Buck and Sophia took themselves out on their date, Chris returned to his game, and Eddie was left alone. He was mature enough to admit he spent the rest of the evening moping. He washed up the dinner plates, did a load of laundry, then flopped into the couch to ignore a telenovela and scroll on his phone.
Hen had made him redownload Instagram so she could send him a video of Denny and Chris trying out the telescope at Griffith Park. It had been exactly the time suck it had been before he'd deleted it but he had at least had the chance to reconnect with Marjan and Judd from Austin FD so it wasn't all bad. Judd had already invited him to a college football game the next time he was down that way, and Marjan had asked him if he thought the LAFD would take her on if she moved to LA (yes) and if he knew anything about the LAFD recruitment for physical therapists (no). It was nice. Right now it looked like they were both out together at some fundraising gala/ball/dance thing so together they were filling his feed with photos of their team dressed to the nines and having a blast.
It did absolutely nothing to distract him from Buck and Sophia.
He woke up from a nap he wasn’t planning on having to hear muffled talking outside their front door and when Buck stumbled through it a moment later, Eddie could see immediately that he was drunk. Wine drunk. Wine drunk Buck was different from any other kind of drunk Buck. Wine drunk Buck was light and giggly, and always extra quiet, like he was trying hard not to make any noise and disturb anyone. Wine just sort of made Eddie tired.
Buck grinned, wide and bright when he saw Eddie awake, and dropped into the couch next to him. The grin was infectious, Eddie felt his cheeks heating.
“Tonight was so good, your sister is great,” Buck said, full of joy, and Eddie’s heart dropped out of his chest with a sickening thunk he could almost hear. So much for it not going well.
“Yea— Yeah. She is.”
Buck was trying to take his shoes off without touching them with his hands, tongue sticking out as he concentrated on trying to hook his big tow into the back to kick them off. Eddie took a moment to drink him in while he was distracted. His cheeks were flushed, probably from the alcohol, but his hair was fussed up, like someone had run their hands up the back of his head.
“Do you– Do you think you’ll see her again?” he asked, hoping desperately that it wasn’t Sophia’s hands that had tangled in his hair.
“Yeah, we’re going to get together tomorrow I think,” Buck grinned brightly, open and happy, “Before the 48, you know? I’ll be beat after that and she’s got some work stuff so otherwise it would be like a week before we could hang out again and she’s really cool, Eddie. I really like her."
A dull sinking settled in the pit of Eddie’s stomach as he tried to think of what to say that wouldn’t give him away. He didn't understand this. He thought they were— He thought Buck knew how he felt, and he thought Buck felt the same.
"Yeah, she's alright. As sisters go."
Buck snorted, successfully kicking his last shoe off and settling back into the couch cushions. He was half-closing his eyes and Eddie briefly had the thought he might drop to sleep where he was sitting, jeans and all, then his eyes snapped back open and he lolled his head on one side to look at Eddie with bright happy eyes. It was his fact sharing look. Eddie loved that stupid look, just barely resisted leaning forward and pressing his lips against his, putting an end to this whole thing before it could get started.
"Did you know she's published books? Six whole books. Like, you can go to a bookshop and buy them and they have her name on the front and everything. She has a Wikipedia page. Isn't that crazy?"
Eddie blinked. He didn't. He had a vague memory of his Mum mentioning something about a book, singular, years ago, but she'd not gone into any detail and Eddie hadn't asked. Her writing was a bit of a sore point between them. He'd once read part of a story Sophia had left out and it wasn't hidden away or anything but he'd known the moment he picked it up that she hadn't left it out for him to read. He'd been two pages in when she'd appeared out of nowhere, ripped it out of his hands, and point blank refused to talk to him for a month.
They'd never talked about it.
"No, I— She didn't tell me."
Buck hummed, and when Eddie looked over at him he found his eyes had drifted closed again. The light from the muted telenovela was brushing over his face, a soft caress of warm flickering light. It made him glow, light and shadow playing across nearly blond eyelashes, old scars, and all of his beautiful beautiful face.
And Eddie had to let him go.
He let him doze for a moment, watching his chest move, thinking about when he'd had to bring that heart back to life, before he shook it off and got it together enough to nudge him gently awake again.
"Come on, Buck. Bed."
"Comfy," Buck's nose wrinkled and he closed his eyes again, pressing back into the couch cushions.
"Bed," Eddie said again, poking him in the thigh, "Come on. Your back will thank you in the morning."
Buck huffed, then slowly clambered to his feet and stumbled in the direction of the bedroom, but not before turning back and smiling, "Coming?"
Eddie nodded, watched Buck nod happily and disappear down the corridor before he got to his own feet and followed with a glass of water and the Tylenol bottle for the inevitable hangover.
He could do this. He could share the bed and not be sad about the ticking time-bomb that was Buck meeting someone better and moving out. Or at least— He could do it and not hurt Buck. Or Sophia. And oh, actually, he'd already done it, hadn't he? He'd already met someone better. Same childhood, same genes but none of the anger, none of the scars, none of the baggage. Better than Eddie in every way.
At least this way, Eddie mused, he would get to keep Buck in his life permanently. Not like if he ended up with a stranger. At least Eddie would be someone to both of them. He'd get to keep them both. He would keep Buck in his life, close, and he would keep his sister in LA. Get to have the relationship with her he'd always thought they could if they were closed. He could do that. He could be the best wingman in the world, for both of them, and make sure they were happy.
He just had to not think about what that was going to do to him.
Chris would be going to college in just a few years and then Eddie would be alone. He'd never actually been alone before. When Christopher was young it had felt that way sometimes, but even in the darkest moments he'd still had Chris. Eddie carried the load for both of them, and Christopher kept him going. Then Buck came along, nudged him over, and took half the weight without Eddie even noticing. Through Shannon coming back, the well, Ana, the sniper, Marisol, Kim, Texas, Buck was there, holding up his end without Eddie ever having to ask him to.
He deserved to be happy. If that meant Eddie being alone, he could do it.
He could be alone for Buck.