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Nobody tells you how fucking stressful it is to take your kids to Disney.
There’s so much pressure on it, for one thing. You’ve got to get to everything that everybody wants to do, you’ve got to set reasonable expectations about what your kid will be able to ride because height restrictions are important for safety, you’ve got to make sure your teenager doesn’t feel like he’s missing out on big kid rides, you’ve got to make sure the backpack has enough snacks and you know what your meals are going to be, you have to manage the Lightning Lanes, you’ve got to take the cute family photos, you’ve got to avoid the meltdowns, and optimize the park hopping.
Buck doesn’t actually know if other people feel as much pressure over getting their family vacations Right as he does. Maybe other people can just do it. Maybe other people don’t care. But this is their first trip as a family since Buck started fostering Theo, and balancing the wants and interests of a four-year-old and a fifteen-year-old at Disneyland is no easy task. Buck wants – needs – this trip to be perfect, because what if it isn’t and that’s a sign that Buck can’t actually handle parenting?
(Eddie thinks that Buck is maybe projecting some of his other stress onto this Disneyland outing, but saying that isn’t actually going to stop Buck from freaking out, actually. He’s gone full Clipboard Buck over planning this like they don’t live an hour away and have the relatively easy ability to try again another time if something goes wrong.)
Also, Buck doesn’t want Theo or Chris to see that he’s stressed. He doesn’t want either of them to think that this trip – or either of them – is a burden or stressful or bad. Buck grew up in a house with parents who didn’t really love him, knowing every time that they felt inconvenienced or annoyed or exasperated by him. He doesn’t want the kids he’s raising to feel like that, ever.
So he’s trying, trying, trying to be in the moment with them and not let his borderline panic over getting this right bleed through in a way that they’ll notice. It’s harder with Chris, who’s older and more observant than the sweet, oblivious tornado Theo.
Still –
“We’re falling behind schedule,” he says, more to Eddie than to the kids.
Eddie bumps their shoulders together. “Yeah, well, the line for Autopia was almost twice as long as the time on the sign outside. We can’t control that. At least Theo had a good time.”
“I hope his steering is better by the time we put him behind the wheel of a real car,” says Buck.
“Steering those little beasts is much harder than steering a real car, and also he’s four, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet,” says Eddie. He nudges Buck again with his elbow. “Are you doing Space Mountain with Chris, or am I?”
Theo is not tall enough for Space Mountain. He just barely scrapes 40 inches, which means he’s actually tall enough for most things, but there are a few rides that Buck and Eddie still have to trade off for.
“You can go,” says Buck. “Reservation’s on your ticket, anyway. Theo and I can go do Buzz Lightyear again.”
“Buzz Lightyear!” Theo cheers.
“Exactly,” Buck says.
“Kick Buck’s butt for me, okay?” Chris says seriously to Theo. “Get a super high score.”
“I will!” says Theo.
“Aim for the diamond ones!” says Chris.
“I will!” says Theo.
They’ve already ridden Buzz Lightyear this morning, so Chris knows that Theo’s grasp on aiming is theoretical at best, but he grins and says, “See, that’s why you’re going to win.”
“Hear that, Buck?” Theo says as they part from the Diazes. “Chris thinks I’m gonna win.”
“I bet you are,” says Buck.
Theo does actually do better than Buck this time around, mostly because Buck spends half the ride just watching his little face light up when he actually hits a target. Buck’s halfhearted aiming is no match for a four-year-old whose hands are too young to get tired from spending five continuous minutes pressing a button over and over.
He's so excited to tell Christopher when they reunite that it comes out almost unintelligibly fast. Chris doesn’t seem to mind, though, nodding along with an indulgent little smile on his face.
Buck loves watching the boys together. Theo took to Chris immediately, and Chris accepted that he now had a four-year-old duckling (“Buckling,” he’d laughed when Eddie described Theo that way) hooked on his every word with amusement and an impressive degree of patience for a fifteen-year-old. They look surprisingly alike, too, with their matching heads of golden-brown curls turned toward each other as Chris leans in to whisper something conspiratorial.
People mistake them for brothers a lot, when they’re out like this. They see the matching curls – sometimes glancing over their shoulder to Buck, who Theo takes after in appearance much more than he’d expected and who people have been mistaking for Christopher’s father for years – and the practiced patience from Chris, the way Theo will bounce his way through walking to match Chris’s pace instead of running ahead, and they make the obvious assumption. Chris never seems to mind, and Theo never seems to notice.
Buck always finds himself glancing over at Eddie, waiting for him to have a reaction to it, only to find him smiling softly, fondly, at the boys or at Buck when it comes up. Like he doesn’t mind the assumption that the four of them are a family – a two-parent family, with all the implications that has on Buck and Eddie’s relationship – and maybe even likes it.
Buck is trying not to get his hopes up. Eddie is still straight, after all, even if he’s entirely given up on dating, even if he’s thrown all of his energy into helping Buck get his feet under him with Theo. A family they may be, but romantic this relationship is not.
(Eddie loves how easily Chris has taken to Theo as a younger brother, how neatly the four of them fit together as a family. Loves the way Buck grins at the kids when they’re talking, helplessly fond, loves the particular shade of pink he goes when people assume they’re a couple or the boys are brothers by blood or both. He’s working up to telling Buck all of that, he swears.)
“Okay,” says Buck, “our next reservation is for the Roger Rabbit ride in like fifteen minutes, but then after that I wanna get something a little further out and hit as much of the Fantasyland stuff as possible ‘cause none of them are on the Lightning Lane and the waits aren’t too bad there right now.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Eddie says easily, hands in his pockets. He’s mostly letting Buck run the show, since Buck is the one who feels like the world is going to cave in if this day doesn’t go right.
So Buck is the one with the app, the one managing Lightning Lanes and DAS and wait times and food options, and Eddie would help if Buck asked but Buck wants – needs – to do this himself.
Theo, it turns out, has never actually seen Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, which isn’t entirely surprising given that he’s four, but it’s a longtime favorite in the Diaz household and the ride is a big hit with everyone. Christopher is particularly taken with the special effects, twisting around in his seat to get a good look at a few of them. Buck is grateful Chris is old enough to ride alone with Theo, because it means he and Eddie get to sit in the row behind them and watch the boys enjoy the ride.
They do that through Fantasyland, too; most of the dark rides have two-row cars and Chris is being very patient with Theo’s insistence that they should ride together on everything all the time. The four of them all squeeze into one row on “it’s a small world,” despite Eddie’s joking insistence that the song drives him up the wall and the fact that it’s really only comfortable after Buck pulls Theo into his lap.
Theo doesn’t make the cut for the Matterhorn, so Eddie scoops him up and heads for the teacups and leaves Buck to ride the roller coaster with Chris.
“Thanks for doing this one with me,” Chris says, midway through the line.
“Of course, bud,” says Buck.
“It’s really cool that Theo wants to sit with me on everything, but it’s fun to do some rides with you and Dad, you know?” says Chris.
“You know, you could say no to him, if you want to ride stuff with me or Dad,” Buck offers.
Chris wrinkles his nose. “No, why would I do that? Theo wants to ride with me, obviously I’m going to ride with him.”
“I’m just saying, you’re allowed to want some space,” says Buck. “I don’t want you to feel obligated. He’ll be okay if you say no some of the time.”
“Sure,” says Chris. “But I don’t say yes ‘cause I’m obligated. I want to sit with him, too, you know? I always wanted a little brother. Gotta enjoy it while he still thinks I’m cool.”
Buck catches his hip on a stanchion. He’s touched that Chris seems to see Theo as a little brother, but a little surprised to hear it in so many words. He didn’t think that they, as a family in not quite so many words, were in the business of just saying stuff like that.
“Still,” Buck says when he finds his voice again, “let us know if you want a little breather. Or if you want to do something just with one of us! Your dad and I want you to have fun here, too.”
“I am having fun,” Chris promises. “But also, can we go up to Star Wars after this? I know we’re not really doing characters, but I kind of want to see Princess Leia before she’s done for the day.”
“Yeah, bud, we can make that happen,” says Buck. All things considered, Chris hasn’t made many requests of today, so it’s the least he can do to try to catch her.
The Matterhorn’s seats are low and awkward to climb into, and Chris needs a hand getting settled before Buck can fold himself into the seat behind him. It’s worth the way his knees are almost touching his chest, though, because the ride is fun and also has a ton of historical significance, even if getting out is even more of a trial than getting in.
“Did you have fun?” Buck says. He retrieves Chris’s crutches from where they’re propped against the fence.
“Yeah, it was pretty cool,” says Chris. “Is it true that there’s a basketball court in the mountain?”
“Yes and no,” says Buck. “There is an open space up there somewhere, and I’ve heard that it has a basketball hoop in it, but it’s not actually that large. A full basketball court is pretty big, you know?”
Chris twists to look back up at the ride. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Is it true that they used to have people climb it?”
“Yes, but don’t repeat that in front of Theo,” Buck replies. Chris laughs.
Eddie and Theo are waiting by the exit. Theo runs over to Buck, grabbing his hand to pull him back toward Eddie.
“We spinned SO fast,” Theo reports.
“It’s true,” says Eddie. “We did spin so fast. How about you guys?”
“No spinning, but we did see a yeti,” says Chris, “so it was still pretty cool.”
“We have a request to swing up to Star Wars land next,” Buck says. “That should be pretty much straight back through Fantasyland, not too far.”
“Great,” says Eddie.
The crowd in Fantasyland is dense, the attractions close together and the walkways narrowed further by stroller parking. Shit, should Buck have brought a stroller? Theo’s a little old for it but it’s so much walking for his little legs and it would probably be good for him to be able to have a break –
And then all of a sudden, Buck realizes he’s not holding Theo’s hand anymore.
“Ed,” he says, trying to keep his voice calm, “do you have Theo?”
“What?” says Eddie, slightly less calmly. “I thought you had Theo.”
“Christopher?” Buck says.
“Nope,” says Chris.
Buck pulls them over to the side of the walkway and starts scanning the crowd. Theo has little legs, he can’t have gotten that far.
Except he absolutely could because he’s really fucking fast!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
“Buck,” Eddie cuts in, “breathe.”
Okay, some of that might’ve come out of his mouth.
“I lost him,” says Buck.
“It’s Disneyland,” says Eddie. “People lose their kids here all the time, I’m sure we’ll find him.”
“I lost him,” Buck repeats. “What if we never find him? What if we do and then he tells people I lost him and then they decide that I shouldn’t be his guardian? What if –“
“Buck! Dad!” Chris calls.
In a testament to what a shitty guardian Buck clearly is, he hadn’t noticed Chris walking away from them, either. He’s over by the entrance of Dumbo, now, talking to the cast member there.
“– lost my brother, he’s a runner,” Chris is saying as Buck and Eddie get close. “His name is Theo, he’s four, like –“ he gestures around waist height, “this tall? And my dads have pictures of his outfit, if that helps.”
The cast member, whose nametag declares him Ben, nods along. When he looks over at Buck and Eddie, he doesn’t look like he thinks they’re terrible guardians for losing their kid in the happiest place on earth.
“Let me just call somebody with a radio over,” Ben says, “so we can get as many people looking as possible.”
“That sounds great,” says Eddie. Ben gives them a thumbs up.
“Ben says kids get lost here all the time,” Chris says as he steps away. “And that they’ve got, like, a really good system for finding them.”
“Right,” says Buck.
“So it’ll be okay,” says Chris.
“Right,” says Buck.
Ben reappears, another cast member in tow. “This is my supervisor, Emily! She already passed along Theo’s description to security and everybody over the radios, but she needs to get some of your information, too.”
Emily has an iPhone in a black, hard-wearing case in her hand, and she’s looking up at Buck and Eddie through her black-framed glasses with an expression of patient sympathy. “I know this is probably pretty scary, but we’re really good at helping people find each other, I promise.”
Eddie takes a moment to look Buck over before stepping in to answer her questions. Buck is very focused on breathing normally and not having a completely unhelpful meltdown.
Should they have gotten Theo one of those stupid child leashes for this? Buck has been working really hard on getting him to stay close on his own, though, and physically restraining him seems kind of beside that point. And this is the first time in weeks that Theo has disappeared like this. Not the first time, God, Buck is never going to forget the first time.
Or, no, the first time that Buck encountered a Theo who’d run off was the very first time they’d met, wasn’t it?
So the time after that – the first time after Theo had come into his care, darting off ahead on a beach trip and just briefly disappearing from Buck’s line of sight – that had scared the living daylights out of him. But usually, because despite the work, there is a usually, usually he’s just thirty, forty feet ahead. Maybe just around a corner. But here? In a dense crowd and no real sense of where they were planning to go?
Buck can’t begin to guess where he might be.
“So are you guys passholders, or are you just down for the day?” Emily says. She’s got her phone out, still, but she isn’t taking notes anymore. This is just small talk, Buck supposes, to get them through the agonizing waiting.
“Oh, we haven’t been here in years,” Eddie replies. “Not since Chris, here, was – what, nine?”
“Yeah, it was right before the pandemic hit,” says Chris.
“Geez,” says Eddie.
“My cousins have been campaigning to go to the one in Florida, but I don’t need that kind of humidity in my life,” Chris says.
Emily laughs. “Yeah, I’ve heard it gets pretty sticky down there.”
“Theo’s only been with us for a few months,” says Eddie, “but it seemed like a good time to get back down here, you know? Celebrate him settling in.”
“Oh, that’s a great reason to come back,” says Emily. “Do you have buttons? Do you want buttons?”
“Buttons?” says Chris.
“Celebration buttons,” says Emily. “I’ll snag some for you after we find Theo.”
She tips her head to one side, holding up a finger. It’s only then that Buck processes that she’s wearing a radio earpiece, its wire threaded over her shoulder and through her shirt.
“My friend over at Big Thunder Mountain Railroad thinks he found your kiddo,” she reports after a moment. “I can walk you there.”
“Thank you so much,” says Eddie.
“Big Thunder?” says Chris. “Isn’t that kind of far?”
“Not really,” says Emily. “It’s closer than you’d think.”
Buck hasn’t said anything. Buck can’t figure out how to make his voice work to thank Emily and Ben from Dumbo, who have been so helpful. He can’t even get his voice to work to panic more.
Eddie reaches over and threads their fingers together.
Eddie has never held Buck’s hand before, but it’s immediately grounding. Buck feels like he can breathe just a little bit easier. Eddie’s right here, and Chris is a few steps ahead peppering Emily with questions about theme park stuff, and they’re going to where Theo is waiting, safe, with another cast member. Everything’s going to be fine.
“BUCK!”
Theo must have spotted Buck before Buck spotted him, because his unmistakable little voice carries over the crowd, and all of a sudden there’s a three-and-change foot tall whirlwind plowing into Buck’s legs.
“Hey, buddy,” says Buck.
“Where’d you go?” says Theo.
“I stayed right where I was, you zoomed way ahead of us,” Buck says. “How ‘bout we practice holding hands for the rest of the day?”
“Okay,” Theo says, blinking wide, watery eyes at him.
The cast member he’d been waiting with – Daniel – catches up to him then. “Geez, you’re fast, bud. No wonder you lost your dads!”
“Oh, we’re –“ Buck says.
“I’m so fast,” says Theo. “But I’m gonna hold Buck’s hand now.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” says Daniel. “You were super brave when you realized you lost them, but it’s probably better if you don’t lose them in the first place.”
Theo nods firmly. “Great idea.”
Buck scoops Theo up and settles him on his hip.
“Here, Buck, I can take him,” says Eddie, reaching out. “Your knee’s already acting up.”
“Oh,” says Buck. He’s a little surprised that Eddie even noticed. “Yeah, go for it.”
Eddie slips his hands under Theo’s arms and shifts him over, easy as pie. “Okay, bud, let’s say bye-bye to Daniel.”
“Bye-bye!” says Theo.
“Thanks,” says Chris.
“Bye, buddy,” says Daniel.
Buck looks around for Emily, looking to thank her, as well, but she’s nowhere to be found.
“Where did -?”
“Hey! Before you go, I have something for you.” Emily reappears out of nowhere, from past the ride entrance. She holds out a stack of green buttons, which Buck takes from her. “Congratulations, by the way.”
The green buttons all have Goofy on the top half, surrounded by confetti, and under him there’s text that reads “I’m Celebrating:” over a green space where Emily has written Theo joining the family! in neat handwriting with Mickey heads dotting the i’s.
“Oh,” says Buck. He has to blink a few times to stop himself from tearing up. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Hey,” Emily says. “It’s what we’re here for. Happy to help.”
“Thanks, Emily,” says Chris.
“Thanks, Emily,” echoes Theo.
“You’re welcome, boys,” she replies. “Have a great day!”
“What do the buttons say, Buck?” Chris asks, leaning into Buck’s space to look at them.
“I’m celebrating Theo joining the family,” Buck says, turning one to face Eddie.
Eddie’s eyes go big and soft. He presses his cheek against the top of Theo’s head, seemingly without thinking. “We sure are.”
“Can I have mine?” says Chris.
Buck passes one over to him. Eddie’s hands are occupied, though, so Buck wordlessly pins his onto the free side of his shirt without being asked.
“Mine, too!” says Theo, leaning precariously away from Eddie to give Buck access to the front of his shirt.
Buck pins his own button on last.
“We don’t have to go up to Star Wars if this put us behind schedule,” Chris says.
The schedule.
An hour ago, Buck had been so stressed about the fucking schedule. About getting this day right.
Well, it’s already gone wrong in the worst way likely, and the world hasn’t ended. Dierdra hasn’t appeared out of the Rivers of America to tell him that he’s actually the worst foster parent she’s ever seen and take Theo away from him forever.
Geez, the fact that that’s his default fear probably says a lot about how much he’s been blowing this out of proportion.
Anyway, the point is, the schedule – it doesn’t even matter. Like, getting good use out of the service they’d paid for, sure, but their next reservation isn’t even for another hour because he didn’t want to miss out on getting one for Indiana Jones.
It’s possible, perhaps even probable, that Buck needs to relax about this whole thing.
(And also, just maybe, that he didn’t do as good a job of keeping Chris from noticing his stress as he’d hoped.)
“Don’t worry about it,” Buck says. “This is about having fun, and if you want to do something, we’ll do it.”
“You just seemed kind of worked up about it, before,” Chris says.
“Yeah,” Buck admits. They’ve started walking north again, backtracking the same path they’d flown down in a blur just a few minutes ago. They might’ve missed their window for Leia by now, Buck isn’t sure, but Luke and Ahsoka were both in the next time bracket so Chris probably won’t mind too much if they have. “But I was mostly, uh –“ he waves vaguely toward Theo and Eddie, up ahead, “- trying to get this whole thing right. I think losing Theo, like, reset my brain though.”
“Yeah?” says Chris.
“Yeah,” says Buck. “The only way to do this wrong is to get so in my head about it that I can’t actually enjoy the day with you guys. Watch you meet cool characters and go on rides and be – be brothers.”
“Celebrate our family,” Chris offers.
“Exactly,” Buck says. “I mean, we spent money on Lightning Lane, so that does, like, matter. But the rest of it, the – the optimization. It’s more stress than it’s worth, when it’s distracting me from watching the way you look at Theo when he asks to ride another ride with you.”
“Well, I’m glad you figured it out,” says Chris. He glances sidelong at Buck, before nodding forward at his dad. “Figure that out next, would you?”
“What?”
“Dad. Duh.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Chris rolls his eyes. “Yeah, figures.”
“Christopher,” Buck says.
“I’m just saying,” says Chris. “Hey, let’s catch up to them.”
He speeds up, just a bit, and Eddie pauses to let Theo down to walk, which gives Chris and Buck a moment to catch them.
“Theo,” Chris says, “have you ever seen Star Wars?”
“That’s the Jedi show,” says Theo.
“Sure,” says Chris. He starts explaining his favorite parts of the story as they walk in, focusing mostly on the characters they might see, since none of them are in the Disney Junior show that Theo likes.
Eddie bumps his shoulder against Buck’s. “You good, bud?”
“I am now,” says Buck.
“Where to, after this?” says Eddie.
Buck shrugs. “Wherever the boys want to go.”
“Really?” Eddie says.
“Or you, I guess,” says Buck. “You got any requests?”
“Anything but ‘it’s a small world’ again,” Eddie jokes.
“Book ‘it’s a small world’ for Lightning Lane after Indy, got it,” Buck says.
Eddie bumps him again, a little harder this time. “Dick. We should go to the other park and check out the Cars stuff, maybe. Chris used to love that. Bet he’d still get a kick out of it.”
“Yeah, probably,” says Buck. “Theo would love it, too.”
“And you,” Eddie says, “are secretly obsessed with Lightning McQueen, so –“
Buck laughs. “Is that a secret? Guy who spent his life with no real connections stumbles into a place where he finds a family and finds love? Of course I’m obsessed with Lightning McQueen.”
“When you put it like that, it does make sense,” says Eddie. He hums for a moment. “I’m more of a Sally than a Mater, though.”
Buck looks over sharply. “You are. Too bad about the, uh, romantic implications of that, I guess.”
“I don’t mind them,” says Eddie.
“Oh,” says Buck.
“I mean, our relationship’s got a lot of romantic implications,” Eddie continues, like he’s not casually shaking the foundations of Buck’s worldview. “Not a lot of romantic follow through.”
“I’m sorry, would you like there to be?” Buck says, startled.
Eddie shrugs. “I mean, if you’re interested.”
“If I’m – Eddie,” Buck says. “Eddie.”
“You’re Buck, I’m Eddie,” Eddie says.
“Eddie!”
“Buck.”
“Are you for real right now?” says Buck. “I cannot take you joking about this while we’re on a – a fucking – a family Disney trip with our kids.”
“Why would I be joking about this?” says Eddie.
“You’re straight!”
Eddie shrugs. “I love you.”
“Jesus fuck, Ed, you can’t just spring shit like this on me,” says Buck.
“Buck, language,” Chris says from ahead of them, his tone teasing.
“Are you?” Eddie says, “Interested?”
“Of course I’m interested,” says Buck. “I love you.”
“Nice,” says Eddie.
“Nice?” echoes Buck.
“Yeah,” says Eddie. “We’re already partners, man. We’ve been family for years. Romance is just good luck.”
“And that’s what this is,” says Buck. “Romance.”
“I sure would like it to be,” says Eddie. “If that’s what you want, I mean.”
“Yeah, it is,” says Buck.
“Great,” says Eddie, and then he leans over and presses a swift kiss to Buck’s cheek without missing a step.
“Dads, c’mon,” Chris calls. “Theo and I want a picture with the Millennium Falcon!”
“The boys want a photo with the spaceship,” Eddie says.
“Let’s not keep them waiting, then,” says Buck.
There’s actually a Disney photographer by the ship, so they get a few pictures on Buck’s phone of just the boys before lining up to get what become their first ever intentional family photos.
And then Eddie proposes to Buck – entirely seriously, but without a ring – in the middle of Cars Land, three hours later, in front of God, Photopass, and Lightning McQueen. The boys are giggling together in the background of all the pictures.
Buck prints them – the proposal photos, the Falcon photos, and the photo he takes late that evening when Theo melts sleepily into Chris’s side while they wait for Fantasmic – and pins them up on a corkboard alongside their four I’m Celebrating Theo joining the family! buttons, and the two more they acquired later that afternoon: Happily Ever After.