not to blame for falling
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Summary
'“You were dreaming. You’re awake now.” Neil said when he’d caught his breath. His reassurance landed like a blow to Andrew’s chest. Neil was trying to comfort him. Andrew just had his hand around his throat, and Neil wasted his first breath trying to bring Andrew back to himself.'
Neil wakes Andrew up from a nightmare. It goes about as well as expected.
Series
- Part 1 of not to blame for falling
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Summary
"Andrew is used to long, assessing stares from those who want to fix him. Most people express concern for him only because they don’t want to deal with the mess he might make of himself. But Neil’s look is different. Neil is looking at him like Andrew is something he’s afraid to lose.
It would be impossible to comprehend, except the look in his eyes is familiar- the mirror image of what Andrew felt back in the spring, when Neil slipped through Andrew’s grasp like smoke. Back then, Andrew couldn’t express what he felt with words or soft kisses or tender eyes. It looked like his fingers wrapped around Kevin’s throat, his hand clasped on the back of Neil’s neck, plastic bags clumsily taped around his limbs. But now, in Neil’s eyes, he recognizes the same repetitive heartbeat underneath it all. Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go."
The fall after the conclusion of the series, Andrew hits a wall. He and Neil (with an assist from Bee) work through it together.
Series
- Part 2 of not to blame for falling
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Summary
All Neil had ever known was his father’s knives and his mother’s guns. He was a stranger to softness. He’d learned to carve it out of himself before anyone else had the chance.
But this something with Andrew- it had started as another sharp, hard forged thing. Bright and shining, yet still something he could understand. But it was changing. Molten in the fevered heat. Neil didn’t know what shape it might take now, how it might feel against his skin. How it would cut him open or bleed him out. How it could hurt or if it could-
If it could be different than anything he’d ever felt before.
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Another post- canon healing fic. Neil gets a fever, goes to therapy, and starts dealing with his mommy issues.
Series
- Part 3 of not to blame for falling