Worm_Thing
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Thank You For Calling Phone Owners’ Outstanding Protection (P.O.O.P.) by briarfairchild
Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
05 Sep 2026
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Summary
“Thank you for calling Phone Owners’ Outstanding Protection!” Martin announces, in his brightest, chirpiest voice. “My name is Martin! How can I help you today?”
“I broke my phone,” the caller says.
Martin’s heart sinks. Just his luck to get a claim right when he’s supposed to be going home, and this caller sounds like the kind of person who’ll probably spend ages going over everything in pedantic detail and demanding reassurance on a dozen points, most of which will be completely irrelevant.
Oh well. Here goes.
*
What if Martin didn’t get the job at the Magnus Institute and instead ended up working for a mobile phone insurance call centre? What if Jon happened to have insurance with that same company, and kept on calling in with increasingly bizarre phone insurance claims?
aka Jon and Martin fall in love over the phone.
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Summary
He’s nine, maybe, hadn’t really kept track of his own age at that time. With a little more than two years ‘til the Chūnin Exam, and barely any recollection of how he even got here in the first place, what is Gaara even supposed to do?
[alternatively: with no plans or, ultimately, resources past his arguably faulty knowledge of how everything came to happen, Gaara is sent back to the past to change the future as he knows it] -
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Summary
The war was over. They were the last ones left.
But Naruto had a plan.
Sakura and Sasuke should’ve known better than to follow it blindly.
Flung back into the Warring Clans Era without the help of their sensei, Team Seven swear to avenge him and everyone else they lost. Zetsu would never know what was coming for him, and Kaguya’s unfinished business would remain that way. They’d pay for taking sensei away.
Of course it would’ve been far easier if Naruto hadn’t decided to mess with their genetics on the way back.
Series
- Part 1 of Team 7 Shenanigans
- Part 1 of Adventures of the Red-Haired Menaces
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Summary
I turn around, and slam my forehead into the deck as I fall to my knees. “Please, god, I know the last time we talked I told you to suck an egg but what the actual fuck. What did I do? Is this because of the gay thing? I’ll stop I swear I’ll knock it off just please—”
“What are you talking about? Why were you swimming all the way out here? What’s with your weird clothes?” The Boy, whom I refuse to name on principle, starts rapid fire shooting out questions while wiggling his way across the tiny boat to me.
“This is actually happening. Oh my god this is real, what the shit…” I turn around from my position on the floor to see The Boy crouched inches from my face. I give an undignified yelp and scramble as far back as I can without tipping over the edge.
He gives me that bright grin and announces “I’m Monkey D. Luffy! I’m gonna be King of the Pirates!” Then he cocks his head to the side. “Who’re you?”
Series
- Part 1 of Every Star On An Ocean Somewhere
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 595,472
- Chapters:
- 140/140
- Collections:
- 32
- Comments:
- 8,423
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- 11,134
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Bookmarked by Worm_Thing
21 Mar 2026
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Bookmarker's Notes
On chap 32.