Chapter Text
There is only so much one can endure, even if that person is Ichigo Kurosaki. Though he’d felt burdened almost his entire life, his few faint memories of his mother serving to strengthen and weaken in turns, it hadn’t really begun until he turned fifteen. That was when he found out there was another world out there. It should have been something to wonder at, the existence of souls and life beyond this one. Instead, it was a sword through the chest, fear for his family and friends, constant fighting, and endlessly trying to get better; to be enough to shoulder the safety of a few he loved morphing into the need to save worlds.
He said once he wouldn’t risk his life for a stranger and though that still held true now, there had yet to be a situation he backed down from. And that, even now, as he lay in his lifeblood, his life ebbing away faster and further than it ever had, wasn’t something he could find in himself to regret. He and Uryuu had defeated Ywach. Not that it mattered. Not anymore. The Soul King was dead. Maybe the entity had once been more than the scaffolding that held the three worlds together, but it broke without even a change in its facial expression. The worlds were shattering apart. Destabilizing. He’d lost so many friends, comrades, and family to come this far, and he’d failed. Ichigo couldn’t decide if it was a mercy that his body was finally giving out. That he would be gone before he could see the worst outcome come true.
“You had convinced me, Ichigo Kurosaki. Odd to be proven wrong about you. The one person who could defeat me.” Aizen said, appearing in the throne room. Of all the people that could have appeared, why did it have to be him. Ichigo didn’t think he could handle a monologue in his last moments. “You convinced me that you could carry and protect all three worlds, that your presence was a harbinger of change. And who would have been better? A Soul Reaper, Quincy, Full Bringer, and Hollow. Truly, the most fearsome warrior. An amalgamation of all three worlds. You were bound for greatness. A perfect champion. An infallible hero.”
Ichigo worked his mouth, trying to rework the nerves to regain feeling. It would have been dry had it not been for the blood. “Here to gloat? Or are you here to try to take the throne? Even if you take it I bet it burns that you were never able to get this far yourself.”
A dull shove and Ichigo was turned on his back, now able to face the man who’d plunged so many years of his life into strife. “I had half a mind to try it. But this,” he tapped the Hogyoku in his chest, “is no longer working; it seems I no longer possess the right power. Ywach had his conduit and I do not. Maybe if I had not killed Ukitake to get here, we could have used him to repair this.” He gestured to the shaking void around them.
Rukia’s captain. He wanted to be more upset, but everything was lost. The one hope that would anything to be fixed, refuted before even stated, hurt. He ground out, as steady as he could, “Try.” Less a command and more a plea.
Aizen’s shadowy visage looked surprised. “You want me as Soul King?”
Ichigo could barely form words now. “I want it not to fall apart. After all this, I don’t want everything gone.” Aizen looked thoughtful before sweeping his dark eyes over the deteriorating space.
He seemed to come to a decision. Ichigo’s vision rippled into darkness. “This won’t work for me anymore. Whatever conviction I had that let it work for me is long gone. But maybe…..” He continued talking in a soft tone, but Ichigo could no longer make out the words. Funny, to think after so many years as a substitute Soul Reaper he was dying and knowing there would be no afterlife for him. If only he could go back and do things right. Better this time. If only he could have protected everyone from all that had happened.
Ichigo was adrift in nothingness. Still. He wondered if this is what eternity was in the face of non-existence. Souls couldn’t be that strong, he had seen them consumed and used. Could they really exist in void? There was no doubt that Ichigo still felt like himself, albeit, disembodied. He had begun to miss his inner world. As disorienting as it was, he had never been alone. It was so very lonely without the manifestations of his soul.
Until, some indeterminate stretch out into the nothingness, he heard a voice. And it wasn’t the Old Man or Shiro. It wasn’t of him. He couldn’t make out what the voice said, but there was something else besides him. Ichigo could have wept for the relief that washed over him. There was someone else left. And try as he might, Ichigo couldn’t respond.
There would be long periods without the voice, and it would be during those times that Ichigo started to worry that he had imagined it. That he had always been alone. But the voice kept coming back. And eventually, it started getting clearer and clearer until he could make out words for short bursts.
“Shinji-taicho won’t ever hear the end of it. Not after he managed to get his hair caught in a….”
“-scowling while sleeping, huh? Am I finally annoying you enough? Well, it seems to me I have a late start. But better late than never. Bet you’d get along great with Kukaku, she has the exact same annoyed face. She wants to meet you, ya know. And you will. Once you wake up. They say you might not ever, but I don’t believe it. You’re a Shiba, nothing keeps us down for long. I gotta say though, you’re making us wait.”
“So Kyouraku still has that really ugly bonsai tree in his office because it was the first one Ukitake shaped that didn’t die within the first few years. He couldn’t bear to part with it after he took care of it when Ukitake was on an extended mission. I think it’s still the only reason he returns to office some days. Without it, Lisa-fukutaicho would have a lot more trouble……”
“-new Kenpachi is so powerful that his spiritual energy is affecting the whole Seireitei. I don’t know how Squad Eleven deals with-“
“Ganju was so cute! His eyebrows were still smoking but he still denied…”
“-won’t stop me. I’ll get Kensei-taicho to come to one of the fireworks shows. If anyone needs to lighten up-“
“Yoruichi came out of literally nowhere yesterday. I can’t even sense her coming! Kukaku won’t tell me what her secret is, and I refuse to believe that her flash step is that fast. It’s going to give me a heart attack-“
“Really making us wait, aren’t you? Come on… We have to make up for lost time. “
Some of these names… These people were dead. He’d witnessed a few of their deaths. Had felt them too. It was one more tally in his head that pointed towards insanity. He had to be imagining this person. And if he was crazy, could he trust himself or his memories? How much of his life had been real?
Then, there was sensation. Not that he’d been able to open his eyes, but he recognized the unmistakable warmth of sun on his skin. Coral and turquoise colors shifted and swirled under closed lids. It was dizzying. Ichigo sucked in a deep gasp of air.
“-Get Unohana-taicho! We can’t get close enough!” And then he lost consciousness again. In contrast, the darkness this time was more like a dreamless slumber. There wasn’t enough room to hope or despair.
Ichigo really should have grown used to seeing his own face. Shiro had always made the most of it in his mindscape; using it more often than not in a fierce bloodthirsty grin. Even though this doppelganger wasn’t trying to kill him, it was nonetheless off-putting. Shiba Kaien was peacefully sleeping on the chair next to his bed. Ichigo couldn’t make sense of the man in front of him. Was there another afterlife after the Soul Society? Before he could descend too deeply into panic, Kaien stirred.
The man straightened in his chair and stretched before he finally noticed Ichigo’s open eyes warily watching him. “You’re awake!” He reached his arms towards him and Ichigo flinched. They both froze, regarding each other. Then, Kaien lowered his arms and sunk back into the chair. “You’re awake.” He repeated, calmer. “Good. I was going to have to stop Kukaku from breaking in and I really don’t want to arrest my sister. You know how it is. Family.” Kaien waited, looking expectedly at Ichigo.
Ichigo tried and failed to form words. His numbed body worked against him as he struggled. After a few long moments, he managed to croak out a “What?” Even though it was a single word, Kaien’s relief was palatable.
“Shiba Kukaku. My older sister. She’s been wanting to meet the mysterious new Shiba. Everyone has really.” Kaien waited, expectantly but also seemingly accepting of the silence that had fallen over the two of them. Wanting to meet him? But he’d already met Kukaku, and most of Soul Society knew him on sight. You could only meet someone once.
“New Shiba?” Ichigo choked out.
Kaien looked to be taking a lot of effort to stay still. “Yeah, they may not have tried to spirit-tag family ties if you hadn’t been the spitting image of me. Oddest way to meet a family member. The Fourth that is, they took care of you after one of the patrols found you near death.” That seemed real. Ichigo had healed semi-new scars tugging his skin. Though Ichigo was disoriented, he played it close to his chest. He leashed his emotions as tight as he could. There was still a part of him refusing to hope or believe. Could he trust this, whatever this was? “Spirit-tag?” he asked.
Kaien jumped to explain. “Documentation of spirit identities. Most get theirs tagged once they become a Soul Reaper. They tried to look you up, only there wasn’t a match. Looked for family branches since-” Here, he gestured at their faces.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been tagged.” Instead, Ichigo had been collared with his substitute Soul Reaper badge. Anything more would have been overkill. But if this was really the past… A heartbeat. And then a half-conceived of notion was out his mouth before he had made a conscious decision.
“I don’t think I know anything about myself at all.”
Kaien wearily took that in. “Unohana-taicho mentioned there might be further complications. I’m just so glad you’re awake.” He truly appeared sincere, baffling Ichigo. He couldn’t begin to understand how Kaien looked to care so much about someone he didn’t know. Starting to comprehend the magnitude in which reality had been twisted, vertigo gripped him.
“Well, you’re a Shiba, that’s about all we know. We were kinda hoping you’d tell us the rest.”
Ichigo got out, “I’m sor-“before Kaien raised his hand, effectively stopping the rest.
“Don’t apologize. You’ve been through a lot. It’s not your fault.” Kaien easily absolved him which only served to make guilt coil in Ichigo's gut. “Let me introduce myself. I’m Kaien Shiba. Head of house and lieutenant to the Thirteenth. Welcome to the family.”
Kaien really liked Ichigo in a way he hadn’t been expecting. When someone from the fourth informed him they had a Shiba that they were trying to reel from the brink of death, Kaien’s blood had gone cold. But then, at the foot of Ichigo’s hospital bed, he hadn’t known who he was looking at despite the fact the man was a near replica of himself. To begin with, Ichigo had been brought in to the Fourth because the shreds of a shihakusho had been found nearby and it was assumed it had belonged to Ichigo. However, there had been no record of him in the Seireitei. With a critical patient who wasn’t a Soul Reaper, the Fourth had run a family analysis in part because of the orange-haired man’s resemblance to Kaien, the Thirteenth’s lieutenant.
Whatever had happened, it was violent. Unohana-taicho had exhausted herself treating Ichigo, pouring incredible amounts of reiatsu into his body. For a period of time, the reiatsu sunk into his mangled, broken body while nothing outwardly changed. Unohana persevered despite the lacking reaction. Ichigo miraculously survived. When he could manage without constant care, Kaien was allowed visiting rights because they were related. The unknown man was a Shiba. Kaien was the head of the clan. He had to look after him, it was his responsibility.
It was aimlessly disquieting being worried about someone you didn’t know. Kaien reasoned that since the man was Kaien’s responsibility he was more than allowed to be concerned. So, he made it a habit to visit the sleeping mystery man. And Kaien would talk. He would ramble, rant, converse, cajole, and joke, if only to fill the blasted silence. He could almost pretend he was really talking to the motionless figure. When the man woke up, he was already attached to him.
Which made the right thing to do even easier. Kaien brought him home. They had settled a name on the slow winding walk. The newly named Ichigo stated what he wanted to be called almost promptly. Kaien didn’t push. Ichigo was undergoing an intense recovery and Kaien sought to give Ichigo the space to find himself. Kaien watched the gruff man, suspicious of everything, and careful with his words and questions, like he wasn’t sure he belonged or would be welcome. He looked at eyes whose gaze seemed heavier than any Shiba’s had a right to be. He waited for the spikes of power that sometimes overcame him in his stay at the Fourth, not letting anyone but Unohana-taicho and him through. They didn’t make a reappearance although Ichigo had displayed potential. Likely, it was the result of his soul being put in such a life-threatening situation. Some of the older scars suggested this wasn’t the first time Ichigo had something to survive. There were many mysteries surrounding Ichigo and they seemed set on remaining so.
All of that was concerning, but it was Ichigo’s potential for high spirit energy that presented possible difficulties. Most people with enough spirit energy found themselves at the Soul Reaper Academy and with good reason. For Rukongai, joining the military was a steady source of income and food. Nobles entered for prestige and honor. No matter the personal reason, the Soul Reaper Academy housed the foremost experts and teachers available. There were a few who went for a year or two to control their power if they weren’t joining the military. Kaien knew what he should do, but that didn’t mean he wanted to follow through. Not with Ichigo so fresh out of the Fourth’s mercy. Five months wasn’t that long, but it felt almost cruel. Ichigo didn’t know enough to make an informed decision and Kaien didn’t want him to take the well-meaning explanation as some sort of rejection from his newfound family. He knew he had to at least suggest the possibility to Ichigo, but even that seemed like a heavy topic to broach.
One night, after a couple drinks, he managed to bring it up as casual as he could. He talked about some of his old school days, what he learned and gained from it and that Ichigo might be well suited as well because it was obvious he showed some promise. Kaien wanted Ichigo to have a choice. Ichigo could stay with them as long as he needed to, but Kaien wanted him to know he wasn’t chained to them and could pursue something he might need one day. Kaien was almost hurt, but not disappointed, when Ichigo readily agreed and said he was seriously considering becoming a Soul Reaper. Kaien couldn’t deny it would make him happy to have another Soul Reaper in the family. “Well, cousin, I think you’ll look good in black. Eventually. The academy robes are pretty dorky looking, and you have to wear them the whole six years—"
“Six years? Six years?! Is that how long you think that’s going to take me to learn how to hold a sword?” Ichigo asked.
True, you could graduate in less, but, “They teach you a lot more than that. Kido, technique, speed, endurance, history, paperwork, strategy, and electives too. Though you can try to shave some time off, there’s no hurry. You know that, right?”
Ichigo wore his surprise openly. “Yeah. I’m just not one to hold back.” Hold back. That was an interesting choice of words. Kaien knew then he was unleashing something out into the greater world, and he was a little excited to see what would come of it.
Ichigo knew time flowed slightly different in Soul Society compared to the World of the Living. Knew its passage felt a little different too. But five months was far too long for Ichigo to stay cooped up. His spiritual pressure was nonexistent. His reserves remained depleted, leaving Ichigo both useless and worthless. It reminded him painfully of Mugetsu’s aftermath though the fragmentation of his soul was absent. He was past the days where he couldn’t conserve his energy, so it was rebuilding itself. Not fast enough. He was distinctly aware of his vulnerability. It constantly hung over his head. Not to mention he was too exhausted to call forth his Zanpakuto, maddeningly close. He reigned in the urge to reach for Zangetsu constantly.
He knew, for certain, that he was in the past. Somehow. Kaien Shiba proved that. He didn’t know how it had happened, the last thing he remembered was Aizen standing over his dying body after he fell short in saving the lynchpin of existence. Was this Aizen’s doing? Was this fallout from when the worlds collapsed?
Whatever ensued, he was here. Alive. Everyone who he had known was not. Ichigo may not have died a lasting death, but he had lost everyone he had held dear. He did his best not to let his grief consume him. If it was him or them, he would always give himself up for others. That’s who he was. With this, he could sacrifice himself so that they could live again and have better lives. That, at least, made some days easier. On other days, Kaien and Kukaku’s kind and steadfast overtures made the difference.
When Kaien talked about the Soul Reaper Academy in a careful halting way despite his tipsiness, Ichigo jumped on it. It really was perfect, wasn’t it? Being a Soul Reaper had been his calling, his destiny. Putting the mantle back on was another opportunity to protect the people who mattered to him, even if they may never share the same bonds again. He had time once again, and he was going to make the most of it.