On The Necessity Of To Do Lists

by MurderOnMyMind

Summary:

Inspired by "Death of a Dark Lord, a True Story - by Gilderoy Lockhart" by tozette, an OC finds their way in the Wizarding world as the most ridiculous canon character of all, and proceeds to do some grave robbing for the greater good.

Notes:

• Inspired by [Restricted Work] by Tozette (Log in to access.)

Feel free to speculate on any coded stuff that's not clear in the comments.

The first thing she did when she woke up inside a body not her own was scream. Car accidents usually lead to broken bones and hospital visits, maybe a scholarship if it happened on the university campus. Body jumping(?) was not on the list of possibilities. 

 

Fuck, had she like, possessed someone? That was definitely impossible, and if it was possible then it was probably illegal. So, first things first, create a to-do list. She put that as the first point on the list so she could have the satisfaction of crossing something off. It was a mental list, so hopefully, it still counted for her dopamine points.

 

Point two on the list, make a physical list. A quick search around the (very ugly) house she was in got her parchment and quill, which wasn’t paper and pen, but she’d done calligraphy classes as a teenager. That hand-eye coordination would finally be good for something other than forging signatures. 

 

What I know: 

1. Whoever I’ve bodysnatched has shit interior decoration skills and way too much money to indulge in them
2. Also seems to be a fantasy writer, if the mess of papers on his desk can be trusted
3. ALSO SEEMS TO BE GILDEROY FUCKING LOCKHART. GODDAMN 

Pros of Bodyshatching Lockhart:

1. No wife and kid to fool. 
2. No more guilt re: bodysnatching.
3. Access to cash money. 
4. He had a shit personality, it can only get better from here.
5. MAGIC 

Cons of Bodysnatching Lockhart:

1. Has a dick. 
2. Has … a book deal according to paperwork. 
3. Does not have a convenient library to use.

To-Do List (finally):

1. Trans this body’s gender somehow. 
2. Write a book. Somehow.
3. Figure out what year it is (DO THIS FIRST)

Progress List (1 week post bodysnatching):

1. Gender has been transed. Took two disgusting potions at St. Mungo’s and some name change paperwork. Now officially Gillian Lockhart, even on authored books printed ages ago. Magic is amazing. 
2.  Timeline is a year away from being a professor.
3. Met my agent. Tried to be honest but she thought i was having a crisis so. Uh. going with it. She was cool about my transed gender though, so that was nice.
4. Found copies of Gilderoy’s work to copy his writing style. 

From what she remembered of the books, the last book he wrote before being hit by the powers of karma (and an overpowered obliviate) was Magical Me, and autobiography. How the fuck was she supposed to write the autobiography of someone she didn’t know? 

Simple. Employ the powers of bullshit. 

 

Progress List (1 year post bodysnatching):

1. Magical Me is out. I despise being famous. Book deal is over thank fuck. 
2. Magic has been learned. Somewhat. Had to replace wand after original burst into flames and got mobbed in Diagon Alley. Book Potter, i feel your pain now. Famous for something i didn’t do lmaoooooooooo
3. Got a letter from Dumbledore. Went for the interview. He’s kind of annoying. Lemon drops were good tho. 
4. Gave Dumbledore some deets. Am now burning the lists of the past year and coding the important info in the following ones in the most incomprehensible code of all: slang and nonsense. Should probably have done that earlier but oh well. 

The feeling of starting a new notebook was one that carried over into her new life. The past year had been productive, and her house no longer looked like the golden monstrosity it had been when she’d arrived. Lockhart’s portraits had been removed and were now just brought out for target practice. 

 

Results of spilling some tea to Old Coot:

1. Diary confiscated from Girl Red. Yeeted into angry fire. 
2. Tiara in lost and found room also given same treatement. 
3. Sensed the ring in the snake shack. Convinced Coot to yeet the whole shack instead of going near the ring. Coot’s hand is saved. 

To-do List: 

1. Get groceries. 
2. Reply to Moon Moon re: coffee date to discuss syllabus plans. 
3. Figure out what to do about Badger’s cup in the Strange bank account.
4. Deal with the Serious situation. Somehow. 

Progress List (halfway into term)

1. No people or ghost statues to be seen. A win. 
2. Made friends with Moon Moon who is officially signed on to be my replacement next year. Hopefully enough to skip the curse. Maybe it went with the tiara? Unclear. 
3. No dueling club. But! Managed to be better at teaching than OG!Lockhart. Pepiski pestronomi THAT, asshole. 
4. Coot in contact with some constantly vigilant mf re: the Serious situation. The rat still free to prevent being suss:(
5. Found Tom’s dad’s grave. Went all Dean Winchester on the entire fam’s remains. Did the same to his mom’s side of the family just in case.

End Of Term List:

1. BWL playing happy families with an officially freed dogfather. Rat ran away, the slippery piece of shit.
2. ESCAPED THE CURSE BLESS.
3. See if we can free Dobby? 
4. Snake locket yeeted into the fire. 
5. Maybe do something about the giant noodle that was supposed to be stabbed by old lion’s shiny toothpick by now. 
6. Convince Coot to tell bwl+dogfathers about scarcrux so it can be monitored, instead of trying his hand at some light grooming and manipulation re: the kid’s mental health and value system. 
7. Figure out who the david tennant dude was. The death eater with daddy issues? Moody’s body double. What was his name ohmyfuckinggod.