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“Alright, listen up.” Bobby begins while the 118 get off their truck and gather their equipments. “Hen, Chimney, you’re on the Alpha side.” He looks at Eddie. “Eddie, you’re with Ravi on the Delta side.” Bobby puts on his turnout hat and his mask. “Buck, you’re with me. We’re on the Charlie side, second floor.”
It’s a big one that they are dispatched to. A massive unabating fire due to an electricity overload in an old petroleum rafinery. It’s the same facility they were sent to last year for another full scale fire— which ended up in the rafinery to get locked up and sealed. But for some fishy reason that Bobby doesn’t even want to bring himself to think about— probably has to do with the owner of the facility being one of the main funders of the regulatory agency that was responsible from the building; the facility is still open for business. Last year’s fire was big, but this; this one is massive. There are no room for faults or mistakes. Not one.
“Each station is assigned to one building. This one’s ours. Other firefighters got everyone out but we’re going to check again.” Bobby informs. “Put out the fire, check your surroundings, and leave.” He steps closer to his team. “Listen to me. This building is old and probably not stable. You remember the last time.” They all know the damage it left on the facility. “Do not leave each other’s side. Do not violate my orders. I want you all in one piece.” Firm and clear. It’s not the first time they have to deal with an incident like this, they’ve dealt with worse. Bobby knows that very well. He’s seen a lot. But something doesn’t sit right with him this time. It’s an eery feeling placed in his gut, poking him from the inside. Whispering him to warn his crew one last time before they go in. They need to be cautious. They need to be careful. Bobby won’t let a small twist of fate destroy his family. Not today.
“Copy that, Cap.”
“Let’s go.”
The flames begin to crawl their way up to the walls and surround the whole flight of stairs. They manage to put some of it on their way up to the second floor and but by the time they arrive their assigned floor; The flares splatter alll over and combine with the existing flames; blazing and bursting. It’s bright and intense. Buck sprints towards the entrance door and wraps his hand around the handle, attempts to shoulder the door; only to be thrusted back by it.
“Cap, the door is locked!” Buck screams at Bobby amongst the roaring fire.
When they were setting a course for the distribution of the facility, Bobby was briefed by the other captains that they managed to get everyone out, so that means each entrance should be unlocked and ready to dive in. Unless there were someone inside who locked themselves in. And if that’s the case, they shouldn’t waste any more time before the flames trail under the door, inside the room.
Bobby brings out the halligan bar and hands it over to Buck. “Someone could be inside! We have to hurry!” Bobby orders.
They crack the door open and launch themselves in. The room is empty and other than the bright and blinding flares dancing on the ground; there is no source of light; the room’s lights are all flickered off.
Buck quickly looks around and checks his surroundings, trying to find a sign of life. “LAFD! Is anyone there?!” No one responds. The room is in complete silence other than the sound of the flames.
“LAFD!” Bobby tries this time. All they need is a scream, a cry for help. They search around the room, again, racing against the clock.
“Bobby, there’s no one here!” Buck says loudly, pacing near Bobby.
“There’s gotta be someone, Buck. The door was locked.” It doesn’t make any sense. If there is no one around, why was the entrance blocked? There has to be someone.
“Cap, this is Hen! You have to evacuate, now.” A voice screams from the other end of the radio. Hen sounds panicked, not like herself.
“Hen, what’s wrong?” Bobby immediately responds to his radio. Something is wrong.
“Cap, we swept out the first floor, but you have to get out, now.” What? Why? “The second floor is out of commission. They are using it as a storage for petrol cans. You have to get out, now!”
What? How is that even possible? No one told him about this. This is wrong, it has to be wrong. Bobby catches Buck’s eye before he lifts his head up to look up. The look they share can only be described as pure terror and shock. Buck lifts his arm and points at the upper shelves. “Cap, look up.” His voice is slightly shaking.
Bobby lifts his head up to see dozens of jerry cans, each of them filled with petrol, sitting on the upper shelves only. A place where no one can see unless they are specifically looking for it. They are standing inside a room full of potential explosives, in a burning building.
“Buck, we have to lea—“
“Cap, Cap.” Buck grips Bobby’s arm and pulls him away from the shelves. “Cap, the breaker box!” Bobby turns his face to see a breaker box next to the shelves sparking. It’ll burst into flames in any second. They have to go, now.
“Buck, let’s g—“
“Bobby, look out!”
A sudden outburst of bright ball of fire creeps into Bobby’s vision and brightens the whole room before darkness takes over.
The thick layer of dust particles dispersing around the air is the first thing Bobby sees when he opens his eyes. The dirt forcing its way into his nostrils when he takes a breath is strong enough to burn his lungs and causing him to let out a caugh— which happens to be a mistake, because his ribs scream in agony. Bobby brings his hand to his left side and presses his fingers gently on his torso, and blurts out a soft hiss. He squeezes his eyes shut and opens them again with force, which brings him to his second realization— he is staring at a... ceiling? No, it’s not a ceiling. It’s a collapsed floor. Wait. They were on the second floor. Then, there was an explosion, and the floor fell down. And now he is laying on his back, on the ground.
Oh.
Oh.
The ground gave way and they plummeted to the first floor.
Bobby lifts himself up on his elbow and takes a look at his surroundings. His mask and his helmet seem to be missing, and when he wanders his hands on the ground to find them, all he can pick up is the dirt and the remainings of the broken concrete. He slowly gets up on his feet and checks himself over before taking another look around. He places his hand on the back of his head and can’t help his whimper when he touches a small bump. Possible concussion? Could be. Probably minor. He traces his hand over his torso and hisses, again. Cracked ribs. His leg seem fine other than the dull ache. The things that are suppose to be in his body are still inside; and nothing that isn’t suppose to be in his body is trying to go in. So, that’s something. Bobby takes a closer look around. There are piles of debris’ all around him, dust settling everywhere, and by the looks of it; he is trapped around them. Bobby and Buck were on the rear side of the facility, and with the rubbles blocking the whole area; there is no way out from inside. Bobby stumbles for a second and an immediate realization popping up on his mind feels like a slap across the face. Buck isn’t here. Buck was with him when the floor collapsed. He should be around. But he isn’t. No.
“Buck?” Bobby doesn’t recognize his own voice. It comes out raspy and low, burdened with fear. He takes slow steps as he walks around to find something, anything. Anything that resembles Buck. He can’t find anything. Only when Bobby turns around to search the remaining of the wreckage, he sees Buck. But, he is not sure if he should be relieved or scared.
Buck is sprawled all over the stack of brick and concrete underneath him. His hand is dangling, limp. His head is dropped backwards and hanging, only supported by the debris under his neck, stretching his throat in a painful way, and each of his limp limbs are facing different direction. There are two rebars sticking up from him; two pieces of round metals, piercing through his body, skewering him like he is only a piece of meat. And, Buck looks lifeless.
“Buck!” Bobby rushes towards Buck and crouches down next to him. He places one hand on Buck’s torso as he brings the other one to his radio. They are shaking. “Mayday, mayday. This is Captain Bobby Nash from 118. Man down. I repeat, man down! Requesting immediate assistance!” The only sound he hears back is the static of the radio. “This is Captain Bobby Nash. Firefighter Buckley is down. Requesting assistance to first floor, Charlie side. We are trapped!” Nothing. They are alone.
Bobby swallows down the bile rising up and burning his throat after he takes in a deep breath. It hurts, but he has to calm down. He has to calm down and help Buck. Bobby bites the tip of his gloves and takes it off, frees his hand. He puts his fingers on Buck’s neck. Buck’s skin is ice cold beneath his fingertips, but his pulse is there. Weak, but there. He checks Buck’s body and examines his wounds. One of the rebars is sticking up from his abdomen, the other one from his thigh. His skin is pale— almost white, even. He looks like a ghost, with the ash and dirt covering his face and hair. The only color on his face is the bright red blood oozing from his parted lips. He looks bad. This is bad.
Bobby taps Buck’s cheek lightly. “Buck, wake up.” He has to wake up.
Buck doesn’t flinch.
Bobby taps stronger this time, other hand shaking his shoulder. “Buck. Open your eyes.”
The quiet groan coming from Buck is the greatest sound Bobby has ever heard today.
“Hey, there we go.” Bobby tries to get his attention. “Open your eyes.”
Buck opens his eyes slowly, but a second later he squeezes them shut. His face twists in agony as he blurts out a gut-wrenching scream, his body racking with pain.
“Hey, hey, Buck.” Bobby presses his hands on Buck’s chest, trying to stop him from trashing and hurting himself more. “Buck, stop, hey!” He wishes he was deaf instead of hearing Buck scream in pain like this. It’s soul shattering. Each whimper feels like a stab to his heart, tearing off his insides, piece by piece. Buck shouldn’t be screaming like this.
“Stop, don’t move.” Bobby says one more time as Buck bites his lower lip and swallows his screams; his throat ripping cries subsiding into shuddering whimpers and moans, echoing in the wrack.
Buck blinks his eyes rapidly as hot tears begin to stream down his temples, clearing the dirt on his face as they flow. His hazy eyes peer around, trying to focus on anything— but failing to do so, when Bobby speaks to him. “There you go.” Bobby gently brushes his ash stained curls away from his face.
Slowly, Buck’s stirs his head to face Bobby, clouded eyes slowly gaining focus. “Bobby.” His low and scratched voice fills the room. Buck breathes out shallow puffs of air before he continues. “What happened?” He looks around before settling his eyes on Bobby’s. They are painted with confusion and fear.
“We fell. The floor crumbled.” Bobby explains him with a soft voice. A short answer. If Buck isn’t fully aware of the state he’s in right now, then Bobby sure as hell won’t bring it to his attention.
“The breaker box?”
“It was near the petrol cans.”
Buck closes his eyes and gives Bobby a slight nod of acknowledgement, but the movement makes him utter a shaky whimper. “Do they know we’re here?” Buck asks him in between shallow breaths.
Do they know they’re here? Bobby doesn’t know. Their radios aren’t working. But it’s Hen and Eddie and Chimney and Ravi. It’s his team. Bobby hopes they know. Because, if they don’t; Bobby and Buck are screwed.
“They’re gonna find us, Buck.” Bobby answers Buck. It’s probably not the answer that Buck wants to hear, but Bobby doesn’t have anything better to offer.
Buck sinks his teeth to his bottom lip but it’s useless against the painful mewl he lets out. “Are you hurt?”
Jesus, kid. A chill runs down Bobby’s back. There isn’t a part of Buck’s body that isn’t damaged, and Buck is asking about him.
“I’m okay. No major injuries.” Bobby assures him. He doesn’t know what else to do.
“Bobby…” Buck’s voice trails off. Bobby knows what’s coming. He was dreading this question. Hoping and praying that Buck won’t ask him. But of course, he has no luck against the universe.
“Bobby… I’m— am I…” A pause. “I’m hurt… aren’t I?”
The lump on Bobby’s throat grows bigger and bigger, suffocating him. What does he say to that? Each word weighs a ton, too heavy to speak. Will it change the reality if he says no?
“You’re gonna be fine. They will get to us.” Bobby answers. Trying his damn best to suppress the fear in his voice. Buck is going to be fine. The team will get to them. They’re gonna be fine. Buck’s not going to die.
But Buck is not an idiot. After five years spent together, they’ve became family. They’ve been through so much together, they’ve seen so much. And slowly, they made their family along the way. Hen and Chim became his friends, his fellow companions. Eddie became a mirror to Bobby, reflecting some parts of himself. But Buck; Buck slowly became like his son. And Buck knows Bobby, even when Bobby is lying.
“What’s my damage?” Buck’s adams apple bobs as he swallows. His eyes fixed on Bobby’s with all the strength he has left. Waiting for an honest answer.
Bobby inhales a deep breath— ignoring his wince, before he begins. “You fell on the wreckage. You have two rebars, impaling your abdomen and thigh.” Another deep breath. “Possible concussion and internal bleeding.” His voice cracks no matter how hard he tries to sound calm.
He can’t take his eyes off of Buck. There is something in his eyes that Bobby can’t name. It’s scaring him. Whatever that look is, it doesn’t suit Buck. It’s not like him.
A sigh leaves Buck’s mouth before he speaks. “What’s your assessment?” What?
“What?” Bobby’s blood runs cold.
“What’s your assessment?” Buck is asking Bobby his chances of survival.
And, no. Bobby can’t do that. He won’t do that. He is not going to sit and guess if Buck will live or die.
“You’re gonna be okay, Buck. Alright?” That’s all he says. Like a broken record. Like a fucking parrot. You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. They will get to us. It’s gonna be okay. Because there isn’t another option.
“Cap.” Buck pleads. His voice coming out surprisingly firm. “What’s your assessment, Cap?” Cap. Not Bobby. Because that’s who he is now, that’s who he has to be. A captain, following protocols and assessing his injured firefighter. Nothing more. But they are so much more than that.
A silence feels like an eternity surrounds them.
“Twenty percent.” Twenty percent chance of survival. Nothing more.
An ugly laugh comes out of Buck. It sounds bitter. And there’s nothing remotely funny about this. “I’m dying.” Buck’s voice hitch in his throat, his laugh turning into a wet sob.
“No. You’re not dying.” Bobby, raises his voice slightly. And for the first time since they took a fell, it sounds strong, stubborn. “I won’t let you. You hear me Buckley?” Because how dare Buck, Buck, of all people, surrenders with such an ease. Buck, who is stubborn and strong. How dare, Buck, someone who never gives up, accepts his fate? It’s not right. It shouldn’t be happening. It’s infuriating, it makes Bobby’s blood boil and makes him want to cry. Because this is Buck, and he is already coming to terms with it.
“You’re not gonna die.” Bobby takes off his turnout coat and puts it on Buck’s torso. Applying a harsh pressure. Another hand on his thigh. Buck’s blood is staining his palm. “Are we clear on that?” Their team will be here. Any minute, now. They just have to hold on a little longer. Just a little longer.
A wrackful cry escapes from Buck’s lips as he writhes under Bobby’s touch. When Bobby lifts his head to look at Buck, he notices Buck’s eyes starting to roll back and his head slowly tilting sideways, but before Buck has a chance to pass out from the pain; Bobby plants his bloody hands on Buck’s cheek and taps his face. “Buck, no sleeping.”
Buck peek his eyes open, his blue eyes lightening the lifeless room, even though they are blurry and broken. “ ‘kay.” Buck answers, the tiny bit of strength that’s left in his voice is slowly disappearing. Bobby knows what, or who, will give Buck the stamina to hold on.
“How are things with Eddie?” Bobby asks lightheartedly. And he feels proud to see that he wasn’t wrong; because a soft smile is placed on Buck’s lips, his eyes regaining its shine.
“ ‘s good.” Buck answers. A sparkle in his eyes, brimming with love. Bobby knows, because it’s the same sparkle when he is talking about Athena. Buck’s eyes are looking at Bobby—but not seeing him, they are looking through him. Although Bobby has a clear idea on whose picture Buck is playing behind his eyes right now. “Really good.” Fresh tears welling up on his eyes.
Bobby was not really surprised, but also really surprised when Buck and Eddie told them about their relationship. Not surprised, because anyone could smell the love in the air from miles away; surprised, because he wasn’t expecting either of them to finally get their heads out of the sand and act on it. Still, Bobby couldn’t be happier because both men deserve happiness, they deserve a happy life with each other. Buck and Eddie are good people, and they’ve suffered enough.
“I th-think… he’s gonna…” A teary smile. “…gonna ask me to move in.”
“Oh, yeah?” Bobby smiles back, keeping the pressure on Buck’s body still.
“Yeah, he’s- he’s been acting weird.” Buck bites down a whimper. “You know how he is.”
“I know.” Bobby chuckles quietly.
He looks down at Buck. Really, looks at him. Buck’s skin is shimmering with cold sweat and he is white as a sheet. His soul only a touch away from drifting away to darkness. His once bright blue eyes, now cloudy, unfocused and filled with tears. His chest is barely rising and falling. He is dying. Buck is dying. His team isn’t coming. And there’s nothing Bobby can do. There has to be a way. None of this is right, it’s not fair. It shouldn’t be Buck. Buck has a whole life ahead of him. His life shouldn’t be taken away from him because of a stupid, stupid, fucked up mistake that he made. Buck doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to draw his last breath trapped under a building, bleeding to death, with only Bobby by his side, trying to make him talk so Buck can die with something good in his mind.
“Bobby.” Buck’s trembling voice calls out to him.
“Yeah, Buck.”
“I don’t want to die.” A broken confession. Strong enough to shatter Bobby’s heart like a piece of glass. Weak enough to not change anything. “I don’t want to leave them.” Them. Maddie, the 118, Eddie and Chris.
“You won’t.” Bobby’s lying. He knows he is lying. “We’re gonna get out of here.” Bobby says, his own voice shaking with sadness and fear.
“C-can you tell him I love him?” Buck asks Bobby. Bobby can barely hear it.
“You’ll tell him yourself.” Bobby raises his brows at Buck and gives him a gentle look. “You have to hold on just a little longer, okay?” Just a little longer, that’s all Bobby wants.
“I’m cold.” Buck trails off. His eyelids drooping slowly, struggling to stay awake. Bobby nudges Buck’s shoulder until Buck flinches and opens his eyes.
“Just a little longer, Buck. I know you can do it.” Bobby swallows. His chest feels tight. His throat has an invisible barbed wired wrapped around it. It’s hard to breathe.
Buck’s eyes meet Bobby’s. They carry an emotion that Bobby has never seen from Buck. It’s different. It’s painful.
“Can you hold my hand?” Buck whispers. One last wish. One last touch to feel.
Bobby immediately brings his hand to Buck’s side, wrapping his fingers around Buck’s hand. It feels cold and clamy under his sking. Bobby genty brushes his thumb against Buck’s skin. Trying to give a little comfort, as if it would help.
“Thank you.” Buck smiles faintly. Bobby puts his other hand on Buck’s curls, fingers carding his hair. He had always wanted to do that. Like he did with his son, before he died. History repeating itself.
“Bobby.” Buck’s says one more time. Barely holding on. Voice too weak.
Bobby looks at him. “Kid.”
“Thank you.” Buck whispers. His eyelids slowly droop and his head goes limp. No, no, no.
“Hey, Buck, wake up.” Bobby takes Buck’s head between his hands, shaking him. “Buck, open your eyes.” Buck is limp under his touch. Face slack and body pliant. “Wake up.” Bobby’s voice trembles, hot tears stinging his eyes.
Buck is not waking up.
“C’mon, Buck. Please.” Bobby shakes him again. His vision is blurred with tears. “Please, wake up.”
Nothing changes.
“Cap! We’re coming! Stay where you are!” Someone— Hen? Eddie? Someone. His team.
They’re coming.
“That’s it. C’mon, babe.” Buck hears a familiar voice speaking to him from a distance. “Open your eyes, Buck.”
It feels like hard work, but the voice sounds so sweet, he brings himself to do it.
“There you go.” The voice says softly.
Buck opens his eyes sluggishly as everything comes into his focus. He feels something warm— a hand on his forearm. It’s grounding, fingers rubbing back and forth. He hears a beeping sound. His mind is still in a whirl, hazy; but the beeping sound tells him where he is. Then, he feels long fingers massaging his head, running through his curls. It’s making him sleepy. It’s soothing.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Buck turns his head to the voice. Eddie.
“Hi, handsome.” Eddie says quietly. Smiling at him like he is the most precious thing in the world.
Buck tries to smile back and say something. But when he opens his mouth, all that comes out is a low mewl. He closes his eyes, and opens them again. Eddie is still looking at him. The hand on his forearm lands on his face, cupping his cheek.
“ ‘ddie…” Buck tries to call out for Eddie with all the strength he has. It’s slurred.
“I’m here.” Eddie brings his face closer and plants a soft kiss on Buck’s forehead. Then, he buries his nose into Buck’s hair, breathing him in. He kisses the top of Buck’s head and then lifts his head.
“How long?” Buck wants to say. But it comes out as some nonsense mumble. He tries again. “H’w long?” Eh, better.
“Five days.” Eddie responds. He brings himself closer and plants one more kiss on Buck’s head. Like he wants to feel Buck’s presence. “Do you remember what happened?”
Buck nods his head slowly. He remembers some of it. There was an explosion, and they were trapped. He was with Bobby.
“Bobby.” Buck breathes.
“He’s fine. He was here an hour ago.” Eddie tells him. “I’m gonna call him, okay?”
“ ‘kay.” Buck mumbles before drifting off to sleep.
The next time he wakes up, he finds Bobby sitting on the chair next to him, reading a book. Buck turns his head to look at him. Bobby looks fine. A little tired, and a little tense— but physically, he looks alright.
“Hey.” Buck says quietly. His voice rough.
Bobby lifts his head from the book he’s reading and his face lights up, smiling at Buck. “Hey. How are you feeling?”
“Better.” He whispers, returning the smile.
“I’m glad.”
“You saved me.” Buck tells him. It’s true. Bobby needs to hear it.
Bobby shakes his head and lets out a wet chuckle. “No, I didn’t.” He looks at Buck. A pained look sits on Bobby’s face. “You almost died and I couldn’t do anything.” He blurts out.
“You and I remember things very differently.” Buck protests, but there’s no harshness in his voice. “You saved me, Bobby. I won’t let you think otherwise.”
Bobby lets out a sigh and brings his hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he looks at Buck. “I’m glad you’re alive.” He says. It’s a simple sentence, but it carries endless meanings.
Buck smiles at Bobby softly. “I’m glad you’re alive, too.”